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 Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Ali Joone
Cast: Jesse Jane, Shay Jordan, Evan Stone, Jenna Haze, Katsuni, Steven St.Croix, Tommy Gunn, Belladonna, Stoya, Riley Steele, Ben English, James Deen, Sasha Grey, Gabriella Fox, David Aaron Clark, your mom, Shyla Stylez, Shawna Lenee, Abbey Brooks, Brianna Love, Brea Lynn, Rhylee Richards, Charles Dera, Mick Blue, Manuel Ferrara, Marco Banderas
Men coming on each other; Jesse Jane pulling a Belladonna on Belladonna; Wholesale Chinese and Armenian stereotypes; David Aaron Clark eating a turkey leg; Slavery; The delightful squishiness of Shay Jordan (not to be confused with this ); About as many sex scenes as there were men on the Edmund Fitzgeral; And "The Biggest Adult Production In History."
Portions of this review also appeared on Fleshbot
 Here's how much money went into "Pirates 2." When I opened the 4-disc box, three crisp hundred-dollar bills slid out. There was a code on Disc 1 that allowed me half off a 2008 Saturn Vue at the Porn Valley Galpins. There were free helicopter rides to the Van Nuys airport, and either Stoya or Riley Steele is contractually obligated to deliver your "Pirates 2" personally, wearing nothing but your family coat of arms or company logo bodypainted across her eager frame.
But I only speak from personal experience. Your mileage may vary.
A movie of excesses, "Pirates 2" is also an earnest attempt to be a family comedy – much like the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies were, except with rimjobs in it. There are portions of the script devoted to loyalty, believing in oneself, and sticking up for friends that would not be out of place on "Hannah Montana." That these elements appear discretely between scenes of guys coming on each other (just from a porn angle, "Pirates 2" is dirtier and riskier than your average mainstream adult movie) was an uncomfortable marriage of childish themes with very adult ones, as if Digital Playground were trying to let the Sarah Palin demographic know that fisting was "super."
The first joke told by anyone who writes about porn (and a joke he is under the mistaken impression of thinking he has invented) is the one about the sequels. It goes like this: "Whoriental Sex Academy 4 addresses the vital questions left unanswered by Whoriental Sex Academies 1 through 3."
"Pirates 2," on the other hand, really does pick up where its predecessor left off, cannily depending on familiarity with (and perhaps ownership of) 2005's "Pirates" to figure out who "Serena" was and why Captain Evan Stone and First Mate Jesse Jane are searching the Caribbean for her. (Just so you know, Serena is Janine Lindemulder's character from the original. She doesn't appear, Jo-rel or Ben Kenobi-like, in "Pirates 2," however).
An adventure that leads from Jamaica to the (Armenian owned and operated) slave markets to the high seas to the netherworld, where Katsuni's magical Blue Pearl reanimates Tommy Gunn's Stagnetti, "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge" really is all over the place, and anyone who expects the story to make sense is, I guess, expecting too much. Ditto for the CGI. The pirate hunters' animated ship moves through animated water, leaving no shadow and displacing none of it. The massive worm slain by Belladonna is about as realistic as Jesse Jane's boobs.
But if the big effects are not even to the standards of late-night Sci Fi Channel fare, the sex and the scope of "Pirates 2" are far beyond what you expect and deserve as average porn consumers. You expect an awful porn script? Here you get one that actually expected something of the actors. You expect scenery chewing from the men? Evan Stone and Steven St. Croix ably comply. You want Jesse Jane and Belladonna to fuck the living daylights out of each other? Check.
Not only that, but the strenuous sex scenes we saw in the theatrical (yes, "Pirates 2," like its predecessor, debuted in a theatre) release are extended in the DVD set. So the thrill you got to see added footage of Minas Tirith when the "Return of the King" Extended Edition came out you can now feel when you see even more of Belladonna's colon.
 But in other areas the sheer quantifiables of the movie are distractions. The Stagnetti of the title is, despite Tommy Gunn's performance, useless. He appears toward the end and, as it turns out, anticlimactically. Katsuni's incoherent black widow character was both evil and had boobs. Stagnetti wasn't necessary. The same goes for Sasha Grey. Sure it makes sense for Sasha Grey to be in the biggest porn movie of the year, but her presence and character are as tacked on as when everybody in class has to be in the school play, so suddenly Snow White has 40 dwarves.
And why was Shay Jordan not listed on the box? Her performance was wonderful. And why was Stoya only in a group scene? Both are criminal acts. Further inexplicability is achieved in non-speaking, non-fucking roles for Ange Venus and Adrianna Nicole ("I fell asleep on set," Nicole said.)
Regardless, we persevere. We remember that "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge" is a porn movie – and an excellent porn movie - with all the usual limitations even if, as shouted from the boxcover, it is "The Biggest Adult Production in History." We still have four DVDs worth of delightful, turgid nudity.
See coverage of the "Pirates 2" premiere here.
Watch Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge Now
Buy Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge NowLabels: "digital playground", belladonna, Ben English, epics, evan stone, Jenna Haze, jesse jane, joone, Katsuni, Riley Steele, Shay Jordan, Steven St.Croix, stoya, Tommy Gunn
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 Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Robby D.
Cast: Stoya, James Deen, Annette Schwarz, Tommy Gunn, Memphis Monroe, Hannah West
Stoya has padding in all the right places, but perhaps her near-translucent skin made me think "Deeper? How deep can you get into Stoya without being behind her?"
But director Robby D.'s gonzo title that boasts two interludes between Stoya and James Deen as well as scenes featuring Hannah West, Tommy Gunn, Memphis Monroe, and Annette Schwarz do get satisfyingly deeper into their subjects by doing nothing more than offering bits of personality and "business."
Pre-makeup sex, Stoya bites the head off a rose. Tommy Gunn explains to his buddy that he hasn't found the mute button on "new wife" Memphis Monroe. And there's one more thing that I would like to see in porn movies: the dismount. In Deeper 11 it is provided by Annette Schwarz.
 Male performers tell me that they are like assistant directors in porn scenes; they are often called on to position the women in the most flattering light. But Robby D. (at least I'm going to give him credit for this) in Schwarz' scene directs her by letting the sweat-slicked uberpornfrau be herself. Sometimes the best way to direct is get out of the way.
So when Schwarz moves from one position on her partner to another, where one director might omit that transition, director D. leaves it in, and we see Schwarz, all puffy labia and long legs, leap coltishly off and then back on. I love the dismount.
 But back to Stoya (the movie, as you remember, concerns Stoya). Her most valuable asset out of all 5'9" of valuable assets is her facial expression. When she, as much as in frustration as in lust (I assume porn girls are capable of lust) screams "I want your cock!" I can read it in her face.
 This movie is a hit. A great cast and the faith to let them be themselves is a winning combination.
Labels: "digital playground", "robby d", Annette Schwarz, directors, Hannah West, James Deen, Memphis Monroe, stoya, Tommy Gunn
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 Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Robby D.
Cast: Stoya, Gianna, Carmella Bing, Renae Cruz, Brianna Love, Jerry,
The beauty of - or at least the idea behind - a POV title is that, by not showing any identifying characteristic of the male of the couple beyond what is absolutely necessary, the viewer can feel like he is in the driver's seat. And since the girl plays directly to the camera (and you, unless you, like me, are too ashamed to look directly at your screen), the atmosphere is that much more intimate.
Perhaps because they realize there will be inevitable camera slips, revealing more of the identity of the stunt cock than they would like, or maybe because they know that viewers might not like to imagine themselves exactly, but themselves better, fucking Stoya and Gianna, Digital Playground does away with the usual anonymity of POV movies right off the bat in Jack's Playground 9; Gianna walks into the room and immediately calls you "Jerry".
What with Amy Fisher's recent reappearance, Gianna suddenly has a little more context, Unabashedly full-figured, Gianna looks like Fisher's extra saucy little cousin. After she delivers her line that she was going to go out with the girls but she decided to stay home comes the following exchange:
 JERRY: I was supposed to meet the guys for beer.
GIANNA: Why don't you just bring them over?
 This little bit of improvisation places Gianna way up there in my personal ranking.
 Even though newly-minted Digital Playground contract girl Stoya is on the box, Gianna opens this collection with a bang. Director Robby D. might be working within a certain structure, but he exploits its advantages very well, taking advantage of Gianna's big and blowsy nature and letting her take over the scene. One of the highlights is when Gianna nips off to take a bathroom break and you/Jerry are left lying there staring at the bathroom door. She comes back in a minute, but this was a nice nod to reality.
Stoya's appearance is a pleasure. Maybe she's always on, or maybe she is just naturally fun, but her scene - she shows up sans panties and interrupts "Jack" while he's cleaning - is free of porn posturing; I thought that she might just be the type to throw a wrench in my rigorous housekeeping by demanding a toss in the sheets.
This is the first time I had seen Stoya in action and I was so happy that she was not the train wreck that her "official" Digital Playground bio makes her out to be:
About Stoya(TM): Originally from the Carolina's, Stoya is blessed with striking features and a lean, tight body. Completely natural, she stands tall at 5'7" and weighs in at 125 lbs. Her pale skin is accentuated by dark hair and full, pouting lips. With an affliction for pain and suffering, Stoya defines herself only as an android from the future. She loves to make clothes, read good books and play with her cats. Truly unique and intensely passionate, Stoya takes pride in her nudity and general moody perception of the world. Later, Stoya's bio was updated:
Stoya™ is original and outrageous. A carefree spirit that loves being the center of attention, she embodies a fun, friendly persona that fits seamlessly with Digital Playground’s esteemed roster of contract stars. With striking dark features and porcelain skin, this tall and slender beauty has the ability to radiate a multitude of looks that can be sophisticated, romantic, sexy and playfully cute.
Making her home in Hollywood, CA, Stoya™ previously resided in Philadelphia, PA. A nude Internet model and former go-go dancer, she takes pride in her nudity and revels in her individuality. Nurturing her creative side she has a passion for making latex fetish wear. While Stoya™ explores the secretive exploits in her life and treads along the pain and suffering path, she also enjoys reading books, listening to music and playing with her cats. Digital Playground is confident that Stoya’s daring and curious nature that will ultimately define her work and forge a reputation that will surely precede her.
Stoya™ is 21-years old, 5 foot 7 inches tall, weighs 125 pounds, with dark brown hair and eyes, luminescent skin and measures 32DD-24-36. Her astrological sign is Gemini. I understand that lots of people don't get porn for free and that companies spend a lot of time and money determining how they can fill the holes in their lineups by appealing to customers they do not yet have. And maybe someone will look at this bio and say, "This is exactly what I need", but I don't like to think so, because that would mean - well, it would mean the clause "an affliction for pain and suffering" didn't make him want to go out and kill someone. What I'm saying is that I like her better than her bio.
 Carmella Bing comes next. Completing a perfect sandwich that would include Gianna as the other slice of bread and Stoya as the meat, Bing is similarly gloriously juicy.
 That the POV format kinda gets turned on its head - and not in a fun way - with shots like this does not take away from the overall effectiveness of this movie. Stoya, Gianna, and Bing: Oh My.
 Brianna Love and Renae Cruz are also in this movie, but since they do not fit into my unified sandwich theory, this will remain a mini-review.
 Labels: carmella bing, gianna, minireview, stoya
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Studio: Digital Playground
