|
|
 Studio: Amateur District
Director:
Cast: Karine Muller, Raissa Prado, Fernanda Alencar, Patricia Kimberly, Dane
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
The term "sex tourism" has recently taken on as ugly a hue as "sex positive", wherein sex tourism is associated only with traveling to places for the purpose of sex with minors and sex positive means no fun at all. But Amateur District's Brazilian Bar Hopping is simply about the legal thrill of caipirinha-soaked evenings where all one worries about is a few Portuguese phrases and whether or not the leggy brunette at the bar is a tranny.
Such movies are made on the cheap in Rio and constitute a lucrative addition to the U.S. porn market with low overhead. There are no uppity directors, just cheap hotel rooms and some Brazilian hookers.
So where do we get the culture? Well, in America porn performers say "Fuck!" and "Ungg!" when you fuck them. In Brazil they say "Ai!" and "Ooeey!"
Such is the case with Raissa Prado. She doesn't care that the sheets are off the bed; she says "Ai!" anyway. And her uncredited partner is a gentleman; he kisses her thighs afterward and wipes the come out of her eye.
As the performers are (probably) aware that this is porn for a foreign audience, conversation is kept to a minimum, as are any porn tropes beyond the universal standard facial pop shot. For this reason the interactions seem more sincere and, though this is a horrible reverse stereotype, the Brazilian girls just seem to enjoy themselves more.
Witness Patricia Kimberly, whom I am moved to take away from there. I can treat her better than that guy with highlights.
A woman named Dane headlines the next scene which, like the others, begins in the bar of a strip club. Unlike the others, though, Dane stays thhere. Perhaps it is for this reason, the lack of creature comforts as provided by the dingy hotel room, that this scene fizzles. Dane's partner seems more into it than she does (though she does say "Gostoso!")
A woman named Karine Muller is serviced by a mane-tossing tool. I didn't know they had mane tossers in Brazil. You learn something new every day in this business.
Finally, Fernanda Alencar mixes things up a little by leading her partner through a different door to the same hotel room.
There was a lot of kissing and smiling in the movie, which was nice, and a lot of anal, which I suppose needed to be done because it was there. The simplicity of setting made it easier to concentrate on these all-natural, toned beauties. But it wouldn't have killed the nameless producer to have had one shot of Ipanema or some dirty favela sex, either; why call the movie Brazilian Bar Hopping if there's no creampies atop Pao de Azucar?
This movie needed to get out more. To paraphrase Murray Head: "One town's very like a nother when your head's down over your pieces (of ass), Brother."
 Labels: "red light district", brazil, dvd, reviews
Read the Full Story
 Studio: Metro/Toxxxic Entertainment
Director: Vincent Voss
Cast: Daisy Marie, Kaiya Lynn, Carmel Moore, Lela Starr, Nikki Benz, Sativa Rose, Tiffany Sweet, Austin Kincaid, Ben English, Mick Blue, Steve Holmes, Marco Banderas, Scott Nails
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
When "Slime Ballin'" arrived, you can imagine my joy as I surmised that Nickelodeon had finally persuaded Alanis Morrisette and Christine McGlade to come out of retirement for a "You Can't Do That on Television" porn reunion.
Alas it was not to be, but the green slime and Toxic Avenger (minus the Toxic Avenger) motif of the boxcover promised great things. You'd think, at least, that there would be fucking in slime. You would be wrong.
With the myriad porn titles released each month, the nation's porn consumers and reviewers understand that there isn't too much different that can be done with each one. That is why people like director Vincent Voss should be commended for dusting off his high school black light, buying some ultraviolet body paint, and filling the room with dry ice in the execution of "Slime Ballin'".
The movie starts with Daisy Marie servicing a straitjacketed patient in a padded cell. If this is where our healthcare system is going, well all-fucking-right!. Voss hits the blacklight and we can see how white Daisy's teeth are.
The randy Brit Carmel Moore is revealed to be a dead ringer for Karen Black in the next scene.
Here is Marco Banderas reacting to a penis pump. I realized during this scene that I don't expect much of my female porn stars. They grunt and yell in porn-standard fashion, and they look pretty, and I'm happy. Why this image was compelling to me is because I believe it is real.
"Slime Ballin'" was fun and competently directed. And unlike "Transformers", in which gadgetry and effects did little to make a bad story better, at least Voss already had the tasty likes of Sativa Rose and Tiffany Sweet to flick the strobe light on and off on.
But the effects added nothing to the movie, and might have even been a distraction; he could have dispensed with Glo-sticks, put everyone in wigs, and called the same movie "Fuck Me in a Wig".
Labels: metro, reviews
Read the Full Story
 Studio: Wicked
Director: Jonathan Morgan
Cast: Stormy Daniels, Brianna Love, Cassie Young, Delilah Strong, Katie Morgan, Kelly Kline, Nicole Sheridan, Sunny Lane, Eric Masterson, Evan Stone, Mr. Pete, Randy Spears, Voodoo
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
A couple is visited by ghosts of relationships past in order to deal with their current boy/girl woes.
It's tough being Jen (Stormy Daniels), so starved for a relationship that she can't have meaningless sex with a guy without telling him she loves him. And it's tough for Dave (Voodoo), who, when Stormy tells him she loves him, runs out of the room.
Wicked's latest couples' flick, written by Daniels and directed by Jonathan Morgan, aims to deliver the elusive mainstream movie - but with sex - that other studios aspire to. The mood is light and the sex is positive. But can the story sustain it?
Out in the hallway, Dave bumps into ex-girlfriend Roxy (Sunny Lane), who guesses Jen's problem right off the bat.
"How can you love someone who obviously doesn't love herself? She's so insecure, she sticks bags of poisonous water into her chest to get men like you to justify her womanhood."
Daniels' script is festooned with fun lines like this, and sometimes the performers pull them off and sometimes they don't.
"I was just trying to find myself," Roxy says of a previous infidelity.
"In someone else's vagina?" asks Voodoo.
Jen and Dave are visited by several of their exes in the course of the movie, and the flashbacks depict what made them exes in the first place. Randy Spears, Delilah Strong, Nicole Sheridan, and Evan Stone cameo as particularly oily characters.
If the movie has great ambition but doesn't live up to it, is it still better than a movie that doesn't even bother with a story? Hard to tell, but the effort makes The One a winner. After all, there are boatloads of Hollywood movies featuring actors who can't wrap their mouths around their dialogue but who don't compensate by wrapping them around anything else.
My only problem with the movie is that it is lit murkily. Very few scenes take place in the daylight for such a sunny film.
The movie ends happily, with both principals realizing that it should be easy to say "I love you" to a porn star.
Labels: dvd, reviews, stormy daniels, wicked
Read the Full Story
 Studio: Naughty America
Director: Brett Brando
Cast: Sasha Grey, Satine Phoenix, Pinky Lee, Dana DeArmond, Adrianna Nicole, Lorelei Lee, Tommy Pistol
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
This movie features my personal Power Station, Cream, and Damn Yankees of porn, a tasty cast in a series of scenes that progress literally from dark to light (or at least from brunettes to blondes) as well as back in time.
Director Brett Brando put together a sequence of vignettes with setups that are just a little more complex than other gonzo movies, each playing to the strengths and whimsies of the people performing them. I can't think of a recent movie that was better cast with people I like, or that seemed to target my personal tastes as well.
Further, the progression of scenes was particularly thoughtful, as we will see.
Sasha Grey is a mopey teen. She wakes up in her makeup in a squalid Hollywood apartment. Her dialogue sounds like a bad MySpace page. "Sunset Strip?" she grouses. "More like Sunset Drip."
At this point I was ready to fast forward, because there was nothing to suggest this wasn't another of the breed of self-important Sylvia Plath porn scenes that was only funny unintentionally.
But then a biker enters in a cloud of dry ice and fucks her "hungry pussy".
The sex itself was just what we would expect from the precociously dirty Sasha Grey, who knows the lingo and delivers it poutily, as is the current fashion. But the scene is just slightly wacky, and it is that intent that makes it fun to watch.
The first scene is also the darkest of the movie.
Next comes Satine Phoenix as a restaurant manager who is having trouble with the help. Before she can fire her insubordinate employee, however, he tells her that what she really needs is to be fucked.
Even though we know this to be universally true, from diners to the Vatican to the International Space Station, it still seems a little uncomfortable to hear it, like a hoary porn trope that is part of the shorthand but still off-putting and past its welcome. That changes when Phoenix pulls her handyman over the bar and takes control of the scene.
The third scene is the most surreal and, when I take advantage of my Constitutional right to create an adult awards show, I will nominate Pinky Lee as Best Actress for her portrayal of a showgirl who fucks someone else's fan. The scene is silly and bittersweet, and Lee actually tap dances.
Then Dana DeArmond intercepts the man who has been surreptitiously leaving mash notes at her door.
"I know you!" she says sweetly. "You're my boyfriend!" Indeed it is her boyfriend Daniel, and their chemistry is apparent. Both act like they feel lucky.
Finally, Adrianna Nicole and Lorelei Lee, two punky blondes who can get up to some real graphic nastiness in other movies, are seen here braiding each other's hair in a superbly kitschy pink bedroom when both realize they are dating the same guy.
They spring a trap for Tommy Pistol, who plays a Brooklyn doofus.
It's not as if this movie was directed to the hilt, or stage managed to the nth degree. It is instead often wonderfully sloppy and improvisational, and the players seem to be having a great time. This in turn makes me happy, because I like it when people enjoy their jobs. Because so much porn can seem negative, or not the zesty enterprise I think it should be, I realize that I am exactly the target audience for this sort of fun, bubbly movie.
"You cad," Lorelei Lee ad libs.
"Did you call me a cow?" asks Pistol, and Lee laughs out of character.
The three end in a menage a trois-cum-pillow fight, free of "Come fuck my hungry pussy" and super-serious lines of that ilk. The movie makes you wonder what the sixth scene might have been had there been time for one. Naughty Flipside is the feel-good movie of the summer!
(Also, if the guy from Prospero's Books had been in it, it would be the Gielgud movie of the summer.)
Labels: adrianna nicole, dana dearmond, dvd, lorelei lee, naughty america, reviews, sasha grey, satine phoenix
Read the Full Story
 Studio: Viv Thomas
Director: Viv Thomas, Lewis Thomas
Cast: Ella, Jo, Eve Angel, Jamie, Vera, Sandra Shine, Lolita, Lisa, Delores, Anoushka, Peaches, Sandy, Henrietta, Sophie Moone, Gina B.
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
When I was a freshman in high school, our history teacher was passing out examination books. About halfway through his pile, the colors changed from blue to pink. A kid named Dennis said, "Mr. (X), I don't want a pink one," to which Mr. (X) replied, "Dennis, some day you'll find that you want a pink one all the time."
I had no idea what this meant, but knew it had to be dirty. I was not surprised to find out that Mr. (X) got fired the next year from a school system where no one ever got fired, even the teachers who still hit us.
Still, he was right.
That is what I think of when I see the word "Pink", and I wonder if my freshman history teacher would appreciate this three-disc-plus-one compendium of Portugal-based Viv Thomas' Sapphic adventures.
Disc One, "The Innocence of Lesbian Love", concerns Jo, an impressionable student boarding in a Budapest rooming house. She is greeted icily by the housemistress' daughter, Ella. Her mother apologizes. "I'm sorry. That was my daughter."
Not knowing a lot of the players makes watching this collection intriguing. We know we are not watching the European version of a Pink Visual video; everyone is toned and feminine. In fact, there are no men whatsoever in these four videos.
The performers speak English about as well as most of their Porn Valley counterparts, and it is fun to watch porn that was made in places other than the 20 or so overexposed Porn Valley rental McMansions.
It turns out that there is nothing innocent about this boarding house. Both mother and daughter are on the make from Day One. If the daughter isn't exhorting newcomers to brush her hair (wink), mom is insisting on drawing hot baths for her guests, looking over her shoulder tartily all the while.
The housemother really is a predatrix. Under the auspices of conducting a medical examination of a student who thinks she might have contracted "diseases" from a boyfriend, Mom bags another one. The movie doesn't really go anywhere, but who cares? It achieves what I wanted "Suspiria" to accomplish, but with no blood. And in terms of vivid portraits of inappropriate authority figures, it was just like being back in high school.
Thinking of booking passage to Hungary? Don't bother. "We don't like boys," Mom says.
Disc Two contains "The Loss of Innocence". Now Jo is living in Portugal and Katie, one of the boarders from Disc One, comes to visit. Beyond that it is difficult to tell who-all means what to whom, although there is a hot mom (Anoushka) who resembles Anjelica Huston's "Grifters" character in her Monte Carlo period.
"Ella!" Anoushka cries (Ella is there for some reason). "You're my daughter's friend!"
"Step-daughter," says the kittenish Ella.
Taken by itself, the first disc has just enough plot to sustain a porn movie. It seems odd producers felt the need to revisit these characters, as if consumers were clamoring to find out what happened to Jo. Her and Katie's characters could have been renamed and the movie would have seemed more coherent. Most porn movies collapse under the weight of their own plot; a sequel's worth of plot is ridiculous (I can't wait to see Pirates 2).
But the sex is great. Anoushka is a tasty vamp, and Ella seems to be the ingenue fatale in this one.
Disc Three features "A Lesbian Odyssey". Mom - the boardinghouse mistress - from Disc One now runs an inn with Ella. It's Like "The Gilmore Girls" but less frustrating. People come and go. A redhead appears. Jo doesn't. Maybe there were contract issues and she wanted a producer's credit and script approval, like Vin Diesel.
In that "Lesbian Odyssey" doesn't seem like a sequel, and in that the performers speak Magyar with English subtitles, it is a more effective movie.
But the fourth disc ties it all togeher like Jeff Lebowski's rug. There are prequels and interstitials that rewarded the 45 minutes of fast forwarding I did with the previous three discs, documenting Ella's first Hungarian love as well as a wonderful kissing scene and a lot of unedited footage.
This series has no truck-driving lesbians, no living-in-a-cabin lesbians, no state-worker-on-disability lesbians, no Janet Reno lesbians, not even any Ally Sheedy or Jennifer Beals lesbians. But I guess that is like requiring Madeleine Albright straight girls in my heterosexual porn.
Labels: lesbian, reviews, viv thomas
Read the Full Story
Memoirs of a Madame
 Studio: Sinsation
Director: Dee and Shy Love
Cast: Shy Love, Lindsey Meadows, Brad Hardy, Vanessa Lane, Scott Styles, Cassie Young, Mikey Butders
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
"I don't want to fuck fat old guys anymore," says Trixe, "I want to fuck rich fat old guys."
Since watching "The Mission" on HBO the other night, I have been fascinated with hookers and their hierarchies.
Granted, "The Mission" was about a Jesuit order in 18th century Paraguay, but the missionary followers of Ignatius Loyola share a great deal with Madame Shy, operator of a high class escort agency who just wants to get out, and Trixe, a two-dollar whore fixin' on replacing her.
What they share is Difficult Choices.
Sinsation Pictures releases artfully-shot couples' films with scripts and performers who are attractive in a way particular to hardcore couples' films rather than softcore couples' films. I came to this conclusion after seeing two people in a late-nite Cinemax movie who I'd just seen in a one-act play in Los Angeles. Does that mean that hardcore performers can't act? No, it just means that I wouldn't believe Shy Love as Nora in "The Plough And the Stars".
Anyway, the movie begins with Trixe (Meadows) in two scenes of play-acting. First she works out with her john in a seedy motel room. A slap-bass soundtrack reminiscent of a Stephen J. Cannell montage sequence plays over their dialogue, full of dirty porn-standard patter that somehow sounds like taunting:
"You like me Baby?"
"Yeah I like you. Am I the biggest you ever had?"
"Yeah Baby, you're the biggest. Am I warm and wet enough for you?"
"Yeah Baby."
Through my own exhaustive research with cheap hookers, I have found that none were as slight as Trixe, and not a single one wore fishnets. After the deed is done, Trixe looks in the mirror and practices curbside pickup lines, finishing with:
"Hey, how about you pay me a lot of money to fuck you in your mother's car and pretend you're not a loser?"
The scene switches to Madame Shy, embodying both Mr. Rourke and most of the characters Danny Glover has played: she's in a white suit and she feels like she's getting too old for this. She is looking for a replacement as a Madame.
In a tribute to softcore "bordello" movies, Shy's manner is imperious and her words are clipped. "Leave us!" she snaps to her attendants as a favored customer enters. I don't know, I have a feeling that the adult industry plays at prostitution in the way that performers of Asian extraction play at being schoolgirls. I'm sure Heidi Fleiss never said "Leave us!"
Introduced to Madame Shy, Trixe rises fast in the organization. But the other girls are jealous about being passed over by a newcomer. This also happened to Chief Justice John Roberts. Trixe breaks their spirit and builds them back up in her image by getting fucked with a strap-on.
Technical aspects of Sinsation Pictures' products are still not first rate. The soundtrack is of the type that can be purchased along with certain editing programs, and at one point it is sped up ridiculously fast to accommodate the ending of one scene and the beginning of another. And we still hear the echos common to a movie set poorly insulated from the warehouse around it.
But they are trying hard, and directors Love and Dee lend their own performing experience to staging excellent sex scenes. And the movie ends better than "The Mission" does.
Labels: dvd, lindsey meadows, reviews, Shy Love, sinsation
Read the Full Story
Porn Valley
 Studio: Wicked
Director: Michael Raven
Cast: Kaylani Lei, Carmel Moore, Gianna Lynn, Monica Mayhem, Riley Evans
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Thinking first that Wicked Pictures had commissioned a tribute movie about this site, I was eager to tear the package open and find out how to get my royalties. Then the elegantly art-diirected cover, featuring a clothed Kaylani Lei, made me recognize this film for what it was: a couples' movie.
"Since I have destroyed all who have ever loved me," I reasoned, "perhaps I should watch this. You know, for tips."
The movie begins with Kaylani Lei's voiceover. "In my 26 years I had seeen maybe three pornographic movies," she says. "And I was scared of it." She talks about Brazilian waxes and carnal moans, all the trappings of the porn ouevre. The audience is deposited without explanation into a blue-tinged sex scene.
We are watching a scene from the pornography that is destroying our narrator's relationship. She watches in disgust as her boyfriend of five years drinks it in. A Wicked DVD box sits on the table.
She explains that, since moving to L.A. from Louisiana (it is hard to believe Kaylani Lei as a Louisiana girl, but harder still to believe she's from Cape Cod, which she is), her boyfriend has subscribed to a casual sex website. She confronts him. He admits he is a sex addict. The relationship is over. Way to support your partner in his time of need, Kaylani.
"Fucking sex addict," she tells her girlfriend. She wonders aloud if pornography, like the kind that possessed her husband, was like marijuana, "a gateway drug to more harsher things." Her friend advises her to date.
She does, and gets into an online relationship with a man who seems compatible, charming, and intelligent. He also directs porn movies. She meets him anyway. He explains that some people use casting couches, but not him. Then, in a flashback to a routine starlet interview, he explains yet again that there will never be another Jenna. The starlet thanks him amid a jangle of bracelets.
She probes him during dinner. It is like a softball infomercial interview. Are drugs orevalent in the porn industry? No more than in Hollywood. Do you think having sex for money is psychologically damaging? I'm all for sexual expression, not repression, baby.
The film thus far is a little dark, not in tone but in hue. It is slightly hard to see. But the movie avoids other inexplicable couples' porn tropes by not being unnecessarily serious. There are laughs and there is some wonderful acting by Barrett Blade (the pornographer) and Lei.
Director Michael Raven takes his time with the scenes, and it is worth mentioning the screenwriter, Jennifer Allison. It seems that Porn Valley can't but be the story of her own journey to Los Angeles. If not, hers was a fortuitous meeting with Wicked, because this script made it onto the screen without being mangled by a hack director or porn performers unused to acting.
Now and then the movie does feel like an ad for the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce. As Lei meets Blade's friends, she muses, "These people were witty, friendly, polite... Just normal people." She realizes that it is not porn that is the problem with relationships, it is deception. Time and again Blade proves his integrity to her.
The movie ends happily, a porn-positive flick if I've ever seen one. I was wondering, as Lei and Blade consummate their relationship, if he would pull out and come on her chest or if the movie would dare to be different. Raven compromises, but you'll have to watch it to find out how.
Labels: kaylani lei, reviews, wicked
Read the Full Story
 Studio: Pink Visual
Director: Various
Cast: Adriana, Josie, Ibisa, Sammie & Lelina, Melissa
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
When one has stacks and stacks of porn movies in an office that smells like stripper-grade melon body spray, and when each movie must compete by means as superficial as a title and a boxcover photo, then it is easy to understand why often esoteric criteria like "context" need to be trucked in in order to review movies that, but for the happenstance of their placement at the top of a pile, might be identical to competing companies' product below them.
That is why I had a small problem with the environment of Pink Visual's Loca Latina Sluts 2. All the company's movies are culled from its Internet projects, so each movie is a compilation. This movie is a compilation of compilations in that each of the scenes is from a different type of movie but that happened to have a Latina in the scene.
So one scene was shot for a MILF website, one was about "lesbians", and another featured the hockey-masked Gang Bang Squad (the latter was disturbing because it seemed like a South of the Border Friday the 13th where Jason got to fuck girls rather than kill them) (come to think of it, wouldn't it have been better had Jason done that instead? He would've gotten that aggression out of his system in half a movie).
The movie also suffers a bit from the Yappy Gonzo Director Syndrome; we don't want to hear how hot you think someone is - if we're not fast-forwarding through the scene we already know. Shut up already.
All that aside, the talent is tasty. The movie opens with Adriana outside a Porn Valley Swap Meet. Originally shot for a MILF project, the scene focuses on Adriana's age (34), her divorcee status, and the fact that she has a seven-year-old son. Can she come back to the studio for awhile before she goes home to fix dinner? Sure. Sex ensues. It's important that it did.
Central-American Ibisa is picked up at the Catalina Ferry dock. She is taken out on a boat on which Shane Diesel is also a passenger. Ibisa was not at her most charming (I hope) that day, but any scene with Diesel is jaw-dropping; his cock is almost as big as mine.
What made me pick this movie was the photo of Josie on the cover. Natural, small-breasted, and juicy, Josie wears a white thong and a black do-rag. The cover picture, alas, is not replicated in the movie. Instead, Josie meets the Gang Bang Squad, which isn't known for its Algonquin Round Table repartee.
"Suck that dick," one masked squadder demands.
"You mean the one that's already in my mouth?" I wish she would have said, in a thought balloon.
Q. Grams, what if Loca Latina Sluts was the only porn movie you had ever seen? Would you still have so many reservations?
A. No. In that case it would have been The Greatest Movie of All Time for the sheer number of Mouthalicious Meowry contained therein. And it's still good - it's just that the hockey masks freak me out. And would it kill them to have at least one crazy lady?
Labels: dvd, latina, pink visual, reviews
Read the Full Story
 Studio: Pink Visual
Director: Rico Strong
Cast: Julie, Kaci, Sammie, Kinzy, Veronica Rayne, Emily Evermore, Lexi Lamour, Ethan Cage
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
This Internet-to-DVD series is one of my favorites because, when the right couple is involved, one is fairly certain that when they aren't collecting fees for their work, they are picking up girls at the gym anyway.
Such is the case with real-life couple Lexi Lamour and Ethan Cage. The scenario of an older (well, she's in her 30's, which is darkly erotic in our metropolitan areas) woman luring the 19-year-old Kaci to her home for a post-workout "protein shake" is almost feasible.
Kaci feigns surprise that Cage comes to pick the ladies up in his Honda. "I thought you said you weren't married," Kaci gamely protests.
"Oh, he's the one who makes the protein shakes," Lamour says.
If you lived in Southern California for at least three weeks and had breasts, it is likely the very same thing would happen to you.
Once home and with honest-to-God protein shakes delivered (in wax cups), Kaci is still shy.
"You seem intimidated," the confident and amiable Lamour says. "But you're in good hands."
"Am I?" Kaci asks.
The first scene of these movies is always the longest. It is usually the only one that bothers with an extended setup, establishing for the rest of the movie the dance long-term couples must do every goddamn time they lure home a teen.
But this movie takes its time with each interlude, which makes the title better.
Lamour dons a strap-on and Kaci reveals she has two pierced nipples and a tongue stud. "You're no innocent teen," I spat. One has the sinking feeling that this was all planned. Further de-hoisting my suspension of belief was Kaci's "Jesus Loves Porn Stars" t-shirt, ubiquitously available at the Erotica L.A. and AVN conventions.
Reality aside, if you're in the steam room and Lamour approaches, do anything she says. Get in the car with her and do anything she says.
Next up is Michelle and Reno scouting for Julie, who they find outside a panaderia selling nuts for a school trip. As intriguing was the backstory, I fast-forwarded. The interesting thing was that Julie probably made more money with this scene than she would have selling trinkets in a parking lot.
The Couples Seduce Teens series has evolved a little since the last time we visited it. A little more attention is paid to a throughline, and it pays off. The setups don't take the audience for granted, either; no one believes this is really happening, but the reactions are fun to watch.
Especially when potential babysitter Kinzy comes by to Veronica Rayne's house to find her and her husband, Joe (Pink Visual keeps budgets low by not identifying any of the couples in the credits and reducing the teens to single names ... this is infuriating) in the hot tub naked.
"Sorry," they say. "Whoops."
The couple quiz Kinzy on her sexual activity.
"Is this a question you should ask babysitters?" she asks.
"Well, I don't want to come home and find you and your boyfriend having sex on the couch," Joe replies, his dick hanging out of his towel. "Not that that would be bad."
Kinzy is the most reticent of the teens; she takes some working on. At the end, she finds that the couples' "babies" are dogs. It's sweet.
Lexi and Ethan are back for a tryst with Emily Evermore, who they find at Porn Valley's Pierce College. If Kinzy was reticent to the point of being a little boring, Evermore breaks her innocent character now and then with porn tropes like "How do you like that pussy??"
A movie that tries its best to conform to the tenets of reality porn, Couples Seduce Teens 6 succeeds through the exertions of its horny couples, even if the girls they pick up don't seem worth the effort. Myself, I would have just stayed home with Lexi or Veronica. Jesus. Who needs teens?
Labels: dvd, pink visual, reality, reviews
Read the Full Story
 Studio: ClubJenna/Vivid
Director: Justin Sterling
Cast: Jenna Jameson, Janine Lindemulder, Justine Joli, Justin Sterling, Manuel Ferrara, Julian, Dominica Leon, Jerry, Reno, Nicole Brazzle, Veronica Lynn, Cherokee, Sativa Rose, Tommy Gunn, Katja Kassin, Vera Vanguard, Nauduia Nice, Horace, Mario Rossi, Envy, David Lavern, Dolph DeBernenal, Vincent Vega
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Janine Loves Jenna is the most anticipated porn movie of the past several years. It was made in 2005, which is like 1989 to you and me.
It is a movie with a moral: no matter how distraught you are after your limo driver doesn't pay attention because he's watching you fellate your partner in the back seat and wrecks the car, killing her, it is a sin to kill oneself.
(A clarification was suggested by a Vatican II scholar. Suicide is no longer considered a mortal - meaning Hellbound - sin, but a grave sin which is up to The Man Upstairs to judge. I will gracefully defer to God in determining ClubJenna's fate.)
The suicide in question is Miss Jenna Jameson, and her recent real-life worries make a movie about her "journey through Hell" seem ripped from the headlines. Just remember, though, that this film opens with a fatal car crash and a suicide. Are you hard yet?
Like all porn movies and rock videos dealing with the underworld, the place is sexy. Dudes in red capes wave censers while Janine goes down on Justine Joli. Jenna, an initiate, is then brought into the threesome. If this sounds abrupt, it is. No sooner has Jenna slit her wrists in a bathtub of despair that she winds up in Hell (which is how it works in the Bible, too) and in a sapphic menage a trois. Abrupt also characterizes the shots; we don't hold long enough on any one image to get a rise out of it.
If it hard enough to believe that a tryst with Janine and Justine Joli would occur in Hell, it is unfathomable that Jenna gets on top when the dildos come out.
Janine explains (and it is revealed that Janine was the dearly fellated departed in the limo) that she understands this place, and it is not Hell per se, but its vestibule. And she knows how to get out. They plot their escape. Janine points to a monitor where there appears to be a Kink.com scene going on.
"Don't let that distract you," Janine says.
For some reason, Jenna and Janine, wearing kimonos and wielding parasols, hook up with some dudes in a rain-soaked alley.
Then, at the Deadly Sin Diner, the girls are in shiny bikinis and encounter a waiter reminiscent of guys one meets at adult webmaster conventions. He recommends Lust with a side of Greed. Katja Kassin makes greed look good.
Finally, the girls reach Hades himself. He decides to take Jenna for a spin, as the depravity around him has grown boring. Seriously, if pornfolk paint Hell as a crazy joyride of mindless fucking that they want to escape, how would they define what they do for a living?
One way to escape Hell, the film reveals, is to look hot naked (this also works for speeding tickets). Jenna wakes up in her bloody bathtub, somewhere before or after wrist-slashing, and has the film's best scene with Janine here in the real world, complete with choking and candles in the butt.
I will not tell you how the film ended. Not because I feel spoilers are wrong in porn movies but because I didn't understand it. Did she commit suicide or didn't she? Justin Sterling finds her in the bathtub. He seems sad about it.
Janine Loves Jenna pairs a generation's last porn superstars. They are the same age as women who in gonzo movies would be considered MILFs, but Jenna and Janine retain the glamour expected of early '90's performers.
Why producers thought that what will probably be the final super twosome (unless Jenna makes a movie with Tera, which seems unlikely) should be set in a BDSM Hell rather than, say, having the two be hardened but sexy cops is beyond me, but my picture of Hell has always involved people I don't want to have sex with.
Solid acting (especially from the guy who played the Devil), sex scenes that get better as the movie goes along, and a great couple of scenes from two fan favorites make J Hearts J worth watching. The locale, however, is beneath them.
Labels: clubjenna, dvd, janine, jenna jameson, MILF, reviews, vivid, wgl
Read the Full Story
Asia Carrera 4 on 1
 Studio: VCA
Director: Bud Lee, Henry Pachard, Justin Sterling, Nic Cramer, Wesley Emerson, others
Cast: Asia Carrera, Joel Lawrence, Steve Hatcher, Jonathan Morgan, Gwen Summers, Bridgette Kerkove, Alexandra Silk, Christi Lake, Crystal Gold, Brian Surewood, others
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
This box set of four movies is a hit or miss collection that nevertheless captures Asia Carrera and her generation of porn talent in the crazy late 90's, when Toyota's RAV 4 was first becoming popular.
Carrera shares the long-leggedy and exotic look of Tera Patrick and Sophia Santi, but Carrera was a little softer, too, and in several of the movies in this collection she shows off some formidable (considering the competition) acting chops.
The first movie, "Hollywood Hookers", is really a Christi Lake movie with an Asia Carrera scene in it That's OK, because we get to see the sassy Crystal Gold and Lake tooling around in a DeLorean AND Brian Surewood before he became a pirate. Carrera's scene amongst the desert rocks is very tasty, but the collection doesn't kick into high gear until -
- the second movie, "Betrayal". This film, directed by Bud Lee and shot this week exactly ten years ago, is reason enough why Lee, once Carrera's husband, is considered one of the great porn directors. Filmed from a smart and efficient script by Dow Jones and George "Fozzi" Kaplan, "Betrayed" stars Carrera as a woman whose husband won't pay attention to her until she fakes breast cancer.
While it is strange to see what was to become a masturbation scene begin with a breast lump exam, the movie features believable performances from Joel Lawrence (now the owner of Goldstar Modeling, an adult talent agency) and Steve Hatcher, who in this movie looks like Nick Drake, had he lived.
The dialogue is thoughtful ("Maybe I should be sick all the time," Carrera says as she takes advantage of her sickness to lay her girlfriends, the carpenter, and Hatcher's best buddy, played by current Wicked director Jonathan Morgan), and the only thing that took away from an otherwise exemplary porn feature experience was the lite classics soundtrack.
Though possessing a less-tight script than "Betrayal", the final movie of the set, "Asia Is in Too Deep", written and directed by Wesley Emerson, features the best performances and the most eye candy. The only movie of the four with a moral (Be careful what you wish for), "Deep" tackles the issue of husbands wanting to see their wives with other women and what happens when the wives like the other women better.
Featuring juicy performances by Gwen Summers, Allysin Chanes, Bridgette Kerkove, and Ava Vincent, as well as solid acting from Herschel Savage, this movie pushes Asia off to the side a little. By this point in her career, she had developed a strange Gillian Anderson method of elocution that involved a lot of teeth.
Still, though, it was a pleasure watching these features, and there is no doubt why the beautiful Carrera was a star, eclipsing the fame of the Hollywood celeb (Tia) she took her porn name from. Try that, Britney Rears; Carrera is one of the stars in the porn firmament.
Though I enjoyed "Hollywood Hookers", the real gems in this collection are "Betrayal" and "Asia Is in Too Deep". But Carrera is the type of person you could watch fold laundry and it would still be worthwhile.
Labels: "asia carrera", dvd, reviews, wgl
Read the Full Story
 Studio: Metro
Director: Pat Myne
Cast: Missy Monroe, Christy Lee, Jada Fire, Kelly Wells, Eva Angelina, Alexis Amore, Sandra Romaine
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Such an iconic-sounding porn title as "X Rated" raises expectations and demands close scrutiny. As you will remember, Disney's "Rated G" created a similar groundswell and critics ultimately rejected it; too few wisecracking monkeys, one too many fat kids.
But this, Pat Myne's hundredth title for Metro Pictures, is a solid, dirty piece of work on its own, but also packs two extra discs' worth of AVN Award-nominated scenes Myne-d from Pat's catalog, ultimately presenting a package that lives up to the title in quantity if not in blow-your-face-out reimaginings and expansions of the porn genre.
Scene One (of six) begins with Latin desirables Alexis Amore and Eva Angelina. I didn't catch the guy's name, but I shall call him Lucky Bastard.
LB happens on the two masturbating in high heels on a just-steamed Porn Valley beige rug. The scene and scenario are much like any other shot in the same house on any other day or on the same day anywhere else, but some extra cash was shelled out for Angelina and Amore to work together.
Next comes Kelly Wells, whose rib-baring physique and sharp features leave no mystery to her; she is a vicious, dirty, well-coiffed suburbanite who resembles Lorraine Gary if Ellen Brody had done in the movie "Jaws" what her character did in the book of the same name. She takes on a HUGE black dildo before settling for the inevitably smaller carbon-based version.
Evil girl next door Christy Lee is in the bathroom; she pleasures herself. Like the other ladies in this film who seemed to be having a fine time just masturbating, she is soon joined by a dude who fucks her on the toilet and on the bathroom floor. The bathrooom looks clean enough, so the wholesome factor established by the fact she's in a schoolgirl outfit is maintained.
What sets this movie apart is the caliber of performances and the wattage of the stars. Aside from Lee who, let's face it, redeems everything by getting fucked on a toilet, all of the performers are well known and each performs her scene with a little extra.
Especially Sandra Romain. Romain is very sweet when the cameras are off but she will eat you alive when the tape starts rolling. Her scene is the most energetic. It starts as she cleans a room full of butt plugs with her mouth. Then she is thrown into a cage. Then the cage is shaken (also like "Jaws"), then she is double-teamed. It is the guys who look the worse for wear afterward.
Jada Fire is probably the reason the word "bootylicious" was invented. She is also the reason why I invented the term "squirtylicious".
Finally, Missy Monroe, dressed in such a way that would leave no one surprised by her intentions, engages in what is known as a blowbang. Monroe is, as of this writing, several months pregnant. We know for certain that it could not have happened on the "X Rated" shoot.
This movie starts well and doesn't let up. Within the realm of porn budgets and porn talent, with just enough attention - but not too much - paid to camera angles and costume and lighting and location, "X Rated" is a great porn DVD in the dying days of the porn DVD.
The eight extra awards-nominated scenes on the other two discs are icing on the cake. I haven't watched them yet, but I would have no problem loaning a single guy this movie, because there isn't a scene that wouldn't do the trick.
Labels: dvd, metro, reviews
Read the Full Story
MILF Meat 6
 Studio: Chatsworth Pictures
Director: Cram & Grip Johnson
Cast: Jennifer Dark, Rebecca Steel, Angelica Sin, Tabatha Tucker
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
"Real Moms! Real Tragedy!" is the logline for Chatsworth Pictures' MILF Meat series, and from the faux-majestic strains of CP's theme music, a viewer (probably) knows that what he is about to see should be taken with a grain of salt.
Why I am a fan of the Johnson Brothers ouevre consists in this: they do not deny their own low self esteem; they celebrate it. Consider this exchange with Jennifer Dark, a 24-year-old Czech (Republican?) mother of one.
"Who's the father?" Cram Johnson asks.
"He is a producer of porn movies," she replies.
"You seem proud of that," Grip says.
"We're porn producers," Cram says. "And I know we're losers."
Dark, put at ease by this lack of posturing, goes on to reveal that at her Mommy And Me classes she was told that children love whatever smell that emanates from their mothers.
After this chit-chat, Dark meets the talent for the day, Steven French. What follows is a sex scene that makes no pretense at being sweet or gentle. Dark is thin and pale, French is a throwback to the non-Harlequin Romance cover porn dudes of yesteryear. They fuck on a couch in a room without carpeting, a curtain covers a wall.
"So good dick, baby," Dark says.
Rebecca Steel is next. She has two kids and is 25. She says that her lifestyle is not crimped, and that porn pays for their private schools. "I don't regret neither one of them," she says.
"I'm a free, single woman," Steel adds, "I make a ton of money, and I have two beautiful kids to spoil."
Then she fucks Joe Gallant staple performer Dino Bravo. The couch is nicer.
As the scenes increase, so do the number of children the performers have. Tabatha Tucker, a 32-year-old mother of three, says that she will not tell her children what she does for a living.
The barrage of questions really is amazing; the Johnson Brothers somehow avoid the Howard Stern-worthy soulless shock value while getting away with lines like "You're too classy to die in a bathtub."
North Carolina's own Angelica Sin, mother of one, is voluptuous and sassy. She has enormous breasts and naturally fields a few questions about breastfeeding. She explains that her mother was a stripper and her father was the bouncer in the club she stripped for.
Strangely, the extended pre-scene interviews, what with their ruthlessness, endear everyone. Most performers are pretty thick-skinned, and the directors call themselves out on their own bullshit.
Sin is charming. Her scene with Sergio, who doesn't talk much but clearly enjoys himself, finishes the movie.
Chatsworth Pictures' flicks are low budget and bare bones. They are particularly insider-y in their cynicism about the adult industry and "porn whores". Consumers used to glossiness and sex-positive keywords will be appalled, but the scenes are hard, formulaic, and dirty, and the interviews very revealing.
Labels: "chatsworth pictures", dvd, MILF, reviews
Read the Full Story
Make Love to My Ass
 Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Daniel Dakota
Cast: Naomi, Flower Tucci, Sasha Knox, Sativa Rose, Kaylynn, Evan Stone, Scott Nails
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Mark Stevens (Evan Stone) is the owner of a bikini company and he is obsessed with asses. If this story sounds hauntingly familiar to you of when I got a job at Jagermeister you can see where my lawsuit is headed.
Somehow Stevens offends one of his models, Sasha Knox. Before we can explore this, however, Jim Baller (Scott Nails) mmets Kaylynn, who confesses that she likes it "deep in the ass".
"That's what I was thinking," says Nails, and puts it there.
Knox and her husband then have a dispute about their pre-nuptial agreement. "You are in breach of tour contract," she says. She claims that he doesn't eat her ass enough. He reluctantly complies.
Bikini designer Jerry, Mark's employee, then takes measurements of Flower Tucci's ass. He takes them in an unorthodox fashion.
Mark confides in his friend Ben (Ben English, typecast as a Ben Kingsley-style villain). "I'm falling in love with girls' asses," he says.
Ben doesn't care. He is too busy showing off the sex swing in his office to Sativa Rose.
Finally, Stone meets the ass of his dreams, Naomi. Naomi is the type of performer who does not stop moving; she moves up and down as she talks, she tosses her hair around. It was an accomplishment to even pin her down, but Mark does.
This movie was awkward; a hybrid of a feature movie and a gonzo movie that really should have stayed in the gonzo realm and not bothered with a story. When there is a story present, the viewer keeps hoping it will make sense.
But the sex scenes were spot on (I don't know why that phrase sounds dirty in this context, but somehow it does), especially with the ass-tastic Tucci, Naomi, and Sativa Rose.
Labels: "adam and eve", anal, daniel dakota, dvd, reviews
Read the Full Story
| |
Studio: Amateur District
