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 Studio: VCX
Director: Satan
Cast: Desiree Cousteau, Dorothy Lemay, Serena, John Holmes, Joey Silvera, John Leslie, Jean Jennings, Tami Lee Curtis, Mary Ann Evans, Heather Ellis, Jamie Gillis
Like everyone working in the adult industry (and their mothers), I'm really into Satan. You have a Satan t-shirt, trading cards, bobblehead doll, some Satan rims, branded cereal, whatever, I'm all for it. Me and Satan, we go way back.
That is why I had to watch VCX' Sex Slaves of Satan. You figure, Satan has a choice in sex slave, so whomever he chooses must be pretty good.
The movie starts with a comfortable old groovy film strip/American International Pictures-style flute solo, letting us know we are either in for an exploitation movie or a driver's ed film.
Kathy defies her female handler and very soon she is put in stocks and ordered whipped by an evil doctor. With the speed at which she goes from patient to victim, I assume either a chunk of the opening was cut or this movie was always ripe for a William Goldman revision.
Similar is the transition from Kathy's post-whipping lesbo scene with her handler to a three-way with two dudes. Where did they come from? Who knows.
 I've only been watching porn since I got a job reviewing it, but I am reluctant to poke fun at porn bodies of the 70s and 80s with the standard hair quantity comments, but the sight of Kathy's furry blonde bush being eaten out at this point is distracting. Compared to today's super-smooth snatches, the hirsute parts of yesteryear seem like they present problems on the scale of de-boning a fish.
And the dicks don't seem as hard. We know now that that is because today's performers by and large take erection-strengthening agents, but it could be because the male talent didn't really believe in the script.
 Then the movie shifted to a bondage scene with the delicious Desiree Cousteau, though I couldn't figure out how it fit with the story.
It was then I realized that Sex Slaves of Satan was a compilation movie with nothing at all to do with Satan.
"These are the most extreme scenes in the history of XXX," claims the boxcover.
 Yes, there are some rape and bondage scenes, but no Prince of Darkness.
Three scenes into the movie, the discovery that this was a compilation and not a feature film with a cast of dozens was an adjustment, but then things began to make a little more sense.
 Then I began to realize that the good old days porn veterans talk about might have been fun off camera, but aside from history buffs and people eager to get another look at their first porn crushes (both of which groups are a significant part of the porn consumer base), this movie doesn't hold a candle to a current, vaguely-scripted gonzo release.
While the drugs many of the performers were on in this movie affected them differently than the drugs many of today's performers are on, there is nothing outstandingly golden about this selection of Golden Age clips; the music is murky, the lighting is dark and, save for some abusive language and the simulation of forced sex that wouldn't fit in today's porn milieu (although today's porn sex can be degrading in different ways), there are few remarkable elements.
 What is noteworthy is Cousteau, John Holmes in a few scenes, and the lack of surgical enhancements.
I'd argue that today's porn is better, but only better compared to this. Then as now, porn is just a flimsy canvas for viewers to project their own fantasies on, and nostalgia is a big part of that, which is why Sex Slaves of Satan, though notably devoid of Satan in the way today's MILFs are devoid of children, is a worthwhile movie to watch.
 Labels: classic, Desiree Cousteau, Dorothy Lemay, Heather Ellis, Jamie Gillis, Jean Jennings, Joey Silvera, John Holmes, John Leslie, Mary Ann Evans, minireview, Serena, Tami Lee Curtis
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 Studio: Wicked
Director: Randy Spears
Cast: Demi Delia, Daisy Marie, Cassandra Cruz, Maya Gates
The first thing one thinks when confronted with Wicked's new Latina Hollywood Hookers is, "Well Duh. You think there's Latina hookers in Glendale? It would be a step up to have Latina hookers in Glendale."
On that subject: Irvine Robbins R.I.P., whose first ice cream store was in Glendale. Mourn ya 'til I join ya (pours Friendly's Fribble on grave).
After the triumph of Cinco de Mayo we are faced with harsh realities: some Latinas turn to prostitution. Luckily the "hookers" of the title are not streetwalkers but classy call girls with phone numbers, credit at a florist, and their own couches.
Demi Delia is the head of this escort agency but, striving to stay close to her roots, also sees select clients. One is Ben English.
 In the first scene, English and Delia offer a valuable service to consumers, providing an example of the small talk and protocol characteristic of a session with an escort: he places the money on the table, she pretends to have missed him since the last time, and then they get down to it.
The only inaccuracy was that they kissed each other. That Wicked requires condoms made for more authenticity. If a hooker does not require a condom, you should run (unless you are only there to strangle her, in which case you should reconsider and go to Baskin Robbins).
 The second scene is even more authentic in its awkwardness. Tommy Gunn forgets to pay Sienna West until she prompts him with something legally innocuous, just in case he is a cop:
"Do you want to take care of business?"
Sienna West utters not one "Ay, Papi" throughout the scene, but she does imply she is a Latina by asking, "So do you like to fuck Latinas?"
 Daisy is a massage therapist in the next scene, and Randy Spears tells her that her "money is over there."
 Nick Manning plays a serial whoremonger in his scene with Cassandra Cruz. She asks if he has seen women from the agency before.
"All of them," he says. "And none of them can keep up with me."
 Finally, Alex Sanders and Dick Delaware sign on for Maya Gates. "You know it will cost you a little more?" asks Delia in the phone interview.
I found this scene the most verdad of all of them. The conversation was stilted and Cruz knew very little English. In fact, it was less like a porn scene and more like a hard-hitting HBO documentary, with poignant human drama everywhere you looked.
 One bit of dialogue I would have liked to see was:
"You sure you're not a cop?"
"You sure you're not Armenian?"
Wicked has done a great public service in releasing this prostitute primer. Still, I can't help thinking that if these women had been white, they would have been called "escorts."
Labels: Cassandra Cruz, Daisy Marie, Demi Delia, Maya Gates, minireview, Randy Spears, wicked
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Hookers And Blow: mini-review
 Studio: Brandon Iron/JM Productions
Director: Brandon Iron
Cast: Joe Blow, Missy Stone, Nika, Wendy West, Natalie Sky, Starla, Priscilla Milan, Brandon Iron
The Canadian Iron uses substance abuse and sex addiction as a framing device for this movie, and our hero and Iron's proxy, Joe Blow, falls off the wagon pretty quickly. Outside a Jack in the Box, no less.
"I guess I lost my 30-day chip," he says.
My only problem (other than Joe not taking the opportunity to pick up a box of Jack in the Box' tasty egg rolls, which I have also given up for Lent) is that one thing we Americans know about hookers is that you don't kiss them.
Perhaps because Nika appears Czech she doesn't know of this rule which is I believe why our Civil War was fought.
According to scholars, the South seceded because they felt kissing hookers was covered under "oral." What we now know as a blowjob they called a "julep."
Iron finds a series of exceedingly hookery or otherwise-trafficed-looking women, all appearing about as incoherent and tottery as Amy Winehouse at the end of "Saving Private Ryan."
Joe keeps his shirt on most of the time, and at one point wears a hat and looks a little like Tim Armstrong. I could say it's a downward spiral, but Joe appears to have already hit bottom and is now going sideways.
The real discovery in this movie is someone named Wendy West, a 22-year-old from Phoenix. In a bonus scene (Iron gets every dollar (US) out of his talent; first they do a regular scene with someone else, then they blow him), West vows to never get breast implants.
She made this promise on December 9 (in that Hookers And Blow was filmed in late November/early December and some of it was shot outside, viewers get to see Porn Valley's version of Christmas).
Hookers And Blow suffers from some very busy editing at times, but other than that the fun-loving sleaze is very immediate. While these women behave more like porn performers than hookers, we realize that porn is all about the fantasy.
And we're assuming Joe never went to rehab.
 Labels: Brandon Iron, Joe Blow, minireview, Missy Stone, Natalie Sky, Nika, Priscilla Milan, Starla, Wendy West
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Studio: Vivid
Director: B. Skow
Cast: Sunny Leone, Matt Erickson, Monique Alexander, Nick Manning, Megan Monroe, Rebeca Linares, Charles Dera
"I want you to come in the kitchen and clean up my peanut butter and jelly sandwich," says Matt Erickson to Sunny Leone in the movie which features her first Boy/Girl scene.
Well, she goes to the kitchen, but not only is there no peanut butter, but also no jelly. Instead Leone makes a show of washing the dishes but only manages to get herself wetter and wetter. Luckily she's not wearing any panties. But seriously, if you invite Leone to your house, don't expect her to clean it.
Erickson seems like a nice enough guy, but the movie makes the right choice by treating the pairing almost like a POV scene; the point of the movie is Sunny's deflowering, so we don't see too much of Erickson. Don't feel sorry for him, though. He lost his sandwich but gained so much more.
One might think that a movie called "Sunny Loves Matt" and touted as her first B/G outing would be all about Sunny, but the next scene features Rebeca Linares being forced to strip in order to keep her boyfriend (Nick Manning) from watching porn.
This is a fascinating scene because Manning's got himself a tray of nachos and what appears to be a 47' HDTV. And he is watching porn in the middle of the day. When Linares flounces up to him wearing nothing but a red bikini, he dismisses her so he can watch more TV. If I were Linares, I would have left. But perhaps because she is Spanish and used to fighting over men, she perseveres.
Now I think Manning is a fine actor and I have no problem saying he is a very handsome man. But when something similar happened to me recently, do you know what I did? I shut off the goddamn television.
Finally Manning gives Linares the attention she craves, but the TV stays on.
"Dropping Loads!" Manning cries. "Right in your mouth!"
"Mi boca," Linares translates.
"All over the fucking place!"
Re: Matt Erickson. I didn't know who he was before this movie, but he is a lucky bastard. Soon after the first scene with Leone, she brings home Monique Alexander. It is as if Leone reached not only the milestone of opening her parts to a man but also pimping out her friends in a matter of days. This usually takes months. It's like passing the ninth step of AA, getting into the Hall of Fame on Rock Band, or attaining Clear in Scientology. Leone really has blossomed.
I mean, she really looks at home with a cock in her. It's as if all this Girls Only nonsense was a phase.
 I wonder if she's into kabbalah?
Labels: B. Skow, matt erickson, minireview, monique alexander, nick manning, rebeca linares, sunny leone
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 Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Robby D.
Cast: Stoya, Gianna, Carmella Bing, Renae Cruz, Brianna Love, Jerry,
The beauty of - or at least the idea behind - a POV title is that, by not showing any identifying characteristic of the male of the couple beyond what is absolutely necessary, the viewer can feel like he is in the driver's seat. And since the girl plays directly to the camera (and you, unless you, like me, are too ashamed to look directly at your screen), the atmosphere is that much more intimate.
Perhaps because they realize there will be inevitable camera slips, revealing more of the identity of the stunt cock than they would like, or maybe because they know that viewers might not like to imagine themselves exactly, but themselves better, fucking Stoya and Gianna, Digital Playground does away with the usual anonymity of POV movies right off the bat in Jack's Playground 9; Gianna walks into the room and immediately calls you "Jerry".
What with Amy Fisher's recent reappearance, Gianna suddenly has a little more context, Unabashedly full-figured, Gianna looks like Fisher's extra saucy little cousin. After she delivers her line that she was going to go out with the girls but she decided to stay home comes the following exchange:
 JERRY: I was supposed to meet the guys for beer.
GIANNA: Why don't you just bring them over?
 This little bit of improvisation places Gianna way up there in my personal ranking.
 Even though newly-minted Digital Playground contract girl Stoya is on the box, Gianna opens this collection with a bang. Director Robby D. might be working within a certain structure, but he exploits its advantages very well, taking advantage of Gianna's big and blowsy nature and letting her take over the scene. One of the highlights is when Gianna nips off to take a bathroom break and you/Jerry are left lying there staring at the bathroom door. She comes back in a minute, but this was a nice nod to reality.
Stoya's appearance is a pleasure. Maybe she's always on, or maybe she is just naturally fun, but her scene - she shows up sans panties and interrupts "Jack" while he's cleaning - is free of porn posturing; I thought that she might just be the type to throw a wrench in my rigorous housekeeping by demanding a toss in the sheets.
This is the first time I had seen Stoya in action and I was so happy that she was not the train wreck that her "official" Digital Playground bio makes her out to be:
About Stoya(TM): Originally from the Carolina's, Stoya is blessed with striking features and a lean, tight body. Completely natural, she stands tall at 5'7" and weighs in at 125 lbs. Her pale skin is accentuated by dark hair and full, pouting lips. With an affliction for pain and suffering, Stoya defines herself only as an android from the future. She loves to make clothes, read good books and play with her cats. Truly unique and intensely passionate, Stoya takes pride in her nudity and general moody perception of the world. Later, Stoya's bio was updated:
Stoya™ is original and outrageous. A carefree spirit that loves being the center of attention, she embodies a fun, friendly persona that fits seamlessly with Digital Playground’s esteemed roster of contract stars. With striking dark features and porcelain skin, this tall and slender beauty has the ability to radiate a multitude of looks that can be sophisticated, romantic, sexy and playfully cute.
Making her home in Hollywood, CA, Stoya™ previously resided in Philadelphia, PA. A nude Internet model and former go-go dancer, she takes pride in her nudity and revels in her individuality. Nurturing her creative side she has a passion for making latex fetish wear. While Stoya™ explores the secretive exploits in her life and treads along the pain and suffering path, she also enjoys reading books, listening to music and playing with her cats. Digital Playground is confident that Stoya’s daring and curious nature that will ultimately define her work and forge a reputation that will surely precede her.
Stoya™ is 21-years old, 5 foot 7 inches tall, weighs 125 pounds, with dark brown hair and eyes, luminescent skin and measures 32DD-24-36. Her astrological sign is Gemini. I understand that lots of people don't get porn for free and that companies spend a lot of time and money determining how they can fill the holes in their lineups by appealing to customers they do not yet have. And maybe someone will look at this bio and say, "This is exactly what I need", but I don't like to think so, because that would mean - well, it would mean the clause "an affliction for pain and suffering" didn't make him want to go out and kill someone. What I'm saying is that I like her better than her bio.
 Carmella Bing comes next. Completing a perfect sandwich that would include Gianna as the other slice of bread and Stoya as the meat, Bing is similarly gloriously juicy.
 That the POV format kinda gets turned on its head - and not in a fun way - with shots like this does not take away from the overall effectiveness of this movie. Stoya, Gianna, and Bing: Oh My.
 Brianna Love and Renae Cruz are also in this movie, but since they do not fit into my unified sandwich theory, this will remain a mini-review.
Labels: carmella bing, gianna, minireview, stoya
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Pleasure Principle: mini review
 Studio: Wicked
Director: David Stanley
Cast: Carmen Hart, Lexi Lamour, Randy Spears, Exotica, Hollie Stevens, Marcus London, Brooke Banner, Marco Banderas, Daisy Marie
Wicked has the highest percentage of South of the Mason-Dixon Line talent of any porn studio. There's jessica drake (Texas), Stormy Daniels (Louisiana), and North Carolina's Carmen Hart. Hart is adorable, accessible, and flawless in this couples' film.
There is nothing but approachable people and light comedy in this "sex is good for you" movie, with a script by David Stanley. Hart tells us, in voiceovers and direct address, that shame is the problem, not sex, and that "guilt" should be the four-letter word, not "fuck".
In several scenarios (one involving the 16th President of the United States), Hart emphasizes what any couples' porn-consuming couple already knows: that everything's groovy, really.
(No wonder Hollie Stevens can't abstain; Randy Spears spelled "abstinence" wrong.)
Not everyone could have made this talky movie work, but Hart is, as always, charming before anything else. I wouldn't have been sold on Stanley's treatise on Finding One's Bliss if it had been delivered by, say, Gia Paloma. The world turns to Gia Paloma for other things.
Pleasure Principle is a great movie for the tentative people on your Christmas list who pretend they aren't interested in porn.
Labels: brooke banner, Carmen Hart, Daisy Marie, Exotica, Hollie Stevens, Lexi Lamour, Marco Banderas, Marcus London, minireview, Randy Spears
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Studio: VCX
