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    --Jul 27, 2007--

    Run for the Border 3

    Studio: Pornfidelity
    Director: Kelly and Ryan Madison
    Cast: Kelly Madison, Dillan Lauren, Mikayla, August, Tanya Hardin, Alexis Amore

    Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot

    Riverside County power couple Kelly and Ryan Madison are celebrating their third anniversary with Alexis Amore, who Kelly calls her "favorite bridesmaid."

    "Isn't the third anniversary paper or something lame?" asks Kelly.

    "I think it's pussy," says Amore.

    Thus begins Run for the Border 3, a movie whose Latin flavor extends about as far as the title. Though the guest stars might be Latina (although Tanya Hardin might be Canadian, Who Knows?), the movie is more about the Madisons, whose amicable rapport is only strengthened by the presence of extra women.

    Maybe it would suddenly get weird if Kelly started bringing guys home, but then I wouldn't watch, either.

    Next the couple meets bartendrix Mikayla, who is wearing the most tip-getting outfit I've ever seen. The trio fuck on the bar. Waitresses in Riverside County don't exactly dress like Mikayla does, but she mixes a real martini and we can hear the bar's air conditioning (and a phone ringing) in the background. So I'm thinking this shot of reality should boost tourism in that area, especially since Disneyland to the west has opened itself up to Section 8 housing.

    "If you hold my titties I can fuck you harder," Kelly suggests.

    The next two scenes involve procuring someone for Ryan, and in the process we are treated to some outside views of the Corona, CA area, including its train station. While the extended setups don't work as well as the first two scenes, they are still engaging; the outside world should be reassured that August and Dillan Lauren were not just "picked up" - they were HIV tested and determined to be over 18 before the cameras started rolling - but enough of an effort was made to make the scenarios seem impromptu, and indeed what wasn't required by law looked improvised and natural.

    Except for Ryan's haircut in the Dillan Lauren scene. That didn't look natural at all.

    Finally, Kelly appropriates Tanya Hardin, playing a dental hygienist by day, stripper by night, to "whiten" Ryan's "teeth" between jobs. They even got her dental hygienist scrubs.

    I don't know, but somehow I was left feeling that in that area of the 15 freeway, things like that happen all the time.

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    --May 29, 2007--

    Loca Latina Sluts Vol. 2

    Studio: Pink Visual
    Director: Various
    Cast: Adriana, Josie, Ibisa, Sammie & Lelina, Melissa

    Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot

    When one has stacks and stacks of porn movies in an office that smells like stripper-grade melon body spray, and when each movie must compete by means as superficial as a title and a boxcover photo, then it is easy to understand why often esoteric criteria like "context" need to be trucked in in order to review movies that, but for the happenstance of their placement at the top of a pile, might be identical to competing companies' product below them.

    That is why I had a small problem with the environment of Pink Visual's Loca Latina Sluts 2. All the company's movies are culled from its Internet projects, so each movie is a compilation. This movie is a compilation of compilations in that each of the scenes is from a different type of movie but that happened to have a Latina in the scene.

    So one scene was shot for a MILF website, one was about "lesbians", and another featured the hockey-masked Gang Bang Squad (the latter was disturbing because it seemed like a South of the Border Friday the 13th where Jason got to fuck girls rather than kill them) (come to think of it, wouldn't it have been better had Jason done that instead? He would've gotten that aggression out of his system in half a movie).

    The movie also suffers a bit from the Yappy Gonzo Director Syndrome; we don't want to hear how hot you think someone is - if we're not fast-forwarding through the scene we already know. Shut up already.

    All that aside, the talent is tasty. The movie opens with Adriana outside a Porn Valley Swap Meet. Originally shot for a MILF project, the scene focuses on Adriana's age (34), her divorcee status, and the fact that she has a seven-year-old son. Can she come back to the studio for awhile before she goes home to fix dinner? Sure. Sex ensues. It's important that it did.

    Central-American Ibisa is picked up at the Catalina Ferry dock. She is taken out on a boat on which Shane Diesel is also a passenger. Ibisa was not at her most charming (I hope) that day, but any scene with Diesel is jaw-dropping; his cock is almost as big as mine.

    What made me pick this movie was the photo of Josie on the cover. Natural, small-breasted, and juicy, Josie wears a white thong and a black do-rag. The cover picture, alas, is not replicated in the movie. Instead, Josie meets the Gang Bang Squad, which isn't known for its Algonquin Round Table repartee.

    "Suck that dick," one masked squadder demands.

    "You mean the one that's already in my mouth?" I wish she would have said, in a thought balloon.

    Q. Grams, what if Loca Latina Sluts was the only porn movie you had ever seen? Would you still have so many reservations?
    A. No. In that case it would have been The Greatest Movie of All Time for the sheer number of Mouthalicious Meowry contained therein. And it's still good - it's just that the hockey masks freak me out. And would it kill them to have at least one crazy lady?

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