Gram Ponante's Thoughtful Porn Reviews

Studio: Brandon Iron/JM Productions
Director: Brandon Iron
Cast: Joe Blow, Missy Stone, Nika, Wendy West, Natalie Sky, Starla, Priscilla Milan, Brandon Iron

The Canadian Iron uses substance abuse and sex addiction as a framing device for this movie, and our hero and Iron's proxy, Joe Blow, falls off the wagon pretty quickly. Outside a Jack in the Box, no less.

"I guess I lost my 30-day chip," he says.

My only problem (other than Joe not taking the opportunity to pick up a box of Jack in the Box' tasty egg rolls, which I have also given up for Lent) is that one thing we Americans know about hookers is that you don't kiss them.

Perhaps because Nika appears Czech she doesn't know of this rule which is I believe why our Civil War was fought.

According to scholars, the South seceded because they felt kissing hookers was covered under "oral." What we now know as a blowjob they called a "julep."

Iron finds a series of exceedingly hookery or otherwise-trafficed-looking women, all appearing about as incoherent and tottery as Amy Winehouse at the end of "Saving Private Ryan."

Joe keeps his shirt on most of the time, and at one point wears a hat and looks a little like Tim Armstrong. I could say it's a downward spiral, but Joe appears to have already hit bottom and is now going sideways.

The real discovery in this movie is someone named Wendy West, a 22-year-old from Phoenix. In a bonus scene (Iron gets every dollar (US) out of his talent; first they do a regular scene with someone else, then they blow him), West vows to never get breast implants.

She made this promise on December 9 (in that Hookers And Blow was filmed in late November/early December and some of it was shot outside, viewers get to see Porn Valley's version of Christmas).

Hookers And Blow suffers from some very busy editing at times, but other than that the fun-loving sleaze is very immediate. While these women behave more like porn performers than hookers, we realize that porn is all about the fantasy.