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 Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: Kaylani Lei, Shyla Stylez, Victoria Sin, Mikayla, Devon Lee, Jennifer Dark, Brad Armstrong, Tommy Gunn, Deep Threat, Niko, Barrett Blade, Derrick Pierce, Marcus London
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
"Some say the path we take is guided by Fate or unseen forces," intones Lei in the voiceover, which is immediately reminiscent of the sort of stylish, formulaic, safe, and empty Skinemax porn Wicked produces so well
How does one become a hooker accidentally? Well, if you looked like Kaylani Lei and you were walking down Hollywood Boulevard dressed to enhance all your Kaylani Leitude whilst absently sucking your soft drink from a straw, it would be within reason for the common passerby to at least hope you were a hooker.
And the passerby would be right, because hooker Lei is en route to an interview about how she became a hooker accidentally. Turns out she met a dude, Marcus (Armstrong), online who wasted no time sampling the goods once they finally met.
"He didn't seem to be an axe murderer or anything," Lei recalled. Waking up alone, Lei was surprised to find $500 by her bedside.
Was she a hooker? Who knows. Marcus invites her to L.A. and at the airport she is greeted by a limousine containing not Marcus by instead a man named Deep Threat.
"Little did I know that it would change my life - " says Lei in the voiceover.
(wait for it)
" - forever."
"I realized I crossed a line," she says.
(wait for it)
" - that could never be uncrossed."
Also:
"I had changed - "
(wait for it)
" - and this was only the beginning."
Lei begins a crazy joyride of sex for money, immersing herself in "the life," in which intimacy, commerce, and hedonism coexist in an uneasy colloidal stew - forever. She fucks other women, rich swains at the opera, guys at the car wash, couples, anything that pays.
Wicked cannot solve this problem, but in the scene with Shyla Stylez and Tommy Gunn as the couple Lei beds, the movie falls victim to something that happens in porn all the time: Stylez looks more like a hooker than the person playing a hooker. It's like the Monty Python "Bicycle Repair Man" sketch, where everyone is a superhero.
But the highs become fewer and farther between.
"Every once in a while you ask yourself, 'What am I doing?'" Lei tells her interviewer.
"Why don't you just stop?" he asks.
"That's easier said than done," she says, blowing cigarette smoke. "You can't just walk away. It's in your blood. It's what you know. It's what you are. No matter how hard you try, you het sucked right back in. You're in for life. And sometimes? That feels like an eternity."
I hand it to Wicked for yet another unflinching look at the world of high-priced call girls this summer, the other being Latina Hollywood Hookers.
But just when you condemn Wicked for padding the script, you realize that all those (or most of those) sodden sentences work up to a twist ending reminiscent of that Tom Cruise Isn't Gay Enough movie.
Like M. Night Shyamalan movies, the twist endings over the years have yielded diminished returns since The Sixth Sense. But this is porn, so we've got at least ten more years of them. So I'll leave it to you to decide if the twist redeems the movie.
 Labels: Barrett Blade, brad armstrong, Deep Threat, Derrick Pierce, Devon Lee, Jennifer Dark, kaylani lei, Marcus London, Mikayla, Niko, Shyla Stylez, Tommy Gunn, Victoria Sin, wicked
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 Studio: Hysterie Prod/Fatale Productions
Director: Emilie Jouvet
First off, that is not Michelle Aston on the cover.
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Ah, Paris. If for no other reason than to begin a review with "Ah, Paris" did I watch this for lesbians/by lesbians movie, shot in dingy clubs with a spotlight and shot with sweaty abandon in apartments and elevators around the City of Light.
Really a series of vignettes featuring some of the same people on one steamy night in Gay Paree, "One Night Stand" (Pour Une Nuit) was made in 2006 and just made its way via festivals and US distributor Fatale Media to my hands. Along the way it won "First Prize of the Lesbian Jury" at Berlin's inaugural porn film festival.
Femmes fatales outnumber lipstick lesbians in this movie featuring strap-on action and andro girls (who look like a Smiths-era Morrissey and made this writer confused) as well as, according to the cover, "real orgasms." I can never tell. Me, I take what I can get and appreciate any extra effort.
But in terms of a travelogue, the excellent soundtrack and appealing, occasional outside filming make Paris look like it is crawling with predatory lesbians (with not one shot of the phallic Eiffel Tower in sight.)
Labels: fatale media, lesbian, paris
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Carolina Jones And the Broken Covenant
 Studio: Adam & Eve
Director: Ethan Kane
Cast: Ava Rose, Bree Olson, Nikky Blonde, Roxy Panther, Steve Holmes, James Brossmon, Karim, Alex and David Perry
Each month I write a movie review column with Joanne Cachapero in XBiz. which, like its rival AVN, is an advertiser-sponsored trade publication. I was asked to tone down my critique of Carolina Jones for this month's issue because Adam & Eve is an advertiser with XBiz.
Those Porn Valley Observed readers who are XBiz and AVN sponsors should, of course, continue sponsoring those publications, because it is in the magazines' interest (theoretically) to go to bat for you if one of their contributors is moved to write a harsher than normal critique of your movie or product.
To be fair, the version of the Carolina Jones review in this month's XBiz Premiere leaves no doubt that I was disappointed with the movie, and editorial staff were correct in asking me to tone down the critique. But the following is what I wrote before I was asked to voluntarily soften the review, so wondering what would have made it into the magazine had I refused is moot.
Portions of this review originally appeared in XBiz Premiere
Joanne Cachapero: Ava Rose is the tough-talking tomboy daughter of Indiana Jones in Adam & Eve’s “Carolina Jones and the Broken Covenant.” The brunette bombshell makes a convincing go of this wacky action thriller, using her weapon of choice — no, not her vagina — a boomerang … for God’s sake, Gram!
Gram Ponante: Ava Rose can do anything she goddamn well wants to as far as I'm concerned. As well you know, a boomerang is merely an extension of the vagina. To extend the genital metaphors further, "Carolina" is one of Adam & Eve's tentpole movies of 2008, along with "Dark City" starring Rose and Ernest Greene's sequel to 2006's "O," starring Olson. I am putting my hopes in them.
JC: According to the plot synopsis, the “fate of the whole world hangs in the balance,” as Carolina goes searching for the lost Ark of the Covenant — the same Ark that was unearthed by her father Indy several years earlier, and was subsequently stolen by evil henchmen and sent someplace … To tell you the truth, I kinda lost track of the plot.
GP: It's probably for the best. Charlie Browneye's script and Kane's direction of it seemed like lesser priorities than getting the cast to the Czech Republic to shoot it.
JC: In the beginning, Bree Olson is tied up, watching Nikky Blonde and Steve Holmes fuck. At first, I thought it was a threesome with bondage overtones, because Blonde and Holmes didn’t seem so evil and Olson didn’t seem like she was suffering so much. But Carolina Jones swooped in to save the day, and — all of a sudden — put a Makita power drill through the back of Holmes’ head and got Blonde in the throat with the boomerang. That was kinda gnarly, watching the drill bit poke through Holmes’ head.
GP: I wondered how Adam & Eve's famous team of censors justified all the violence in the movie. There were even acknowledged "hookers" in the credits! It is a new day of glasnost for that company.
JC: Anyway, Rose and Olson team up, like a hot Hope and Crosby in an “The Road to Budapest” movie. Rose is all cool, dark, no-nonsense glamour and Olson is as cute as a horny June bug, playing Dixie, the whore with a heart of gold.
GP: I suppose you'll be suing Adam & Eve for stealing the persona you've nurtured for so long?
JC: They follow the trail to the fortress compound of the Big Bad Evil Guy — and any lingering curiosity that I had about the plot of the movie was knocked out of my head when Olson distracted a guard in order for Carolina to sneak onto the grounds.
It’s easy to see why Olson has already won pretty much every newcomer award the industry has to offer. She’s as cute as a dumpling, all blonde in too-big-for-her-shoes that make her look like a little girl playing dress up. But don’t let the sweet thing fool you, she’s a ferociously nasty performer with natural talent and tits.
I had forgotten what natural big, soft boobs like hers look like when they move around, and get squished and have a load shot all over them. It was hypnotic to watch.
When the scene was over, I had totally forgotten why or what Carolina was hunting for, like I had experienced some kind of supernatural brainwashing technique, perpetrated by Olson’s boobs. Talk about secret weapons — that girl is dangerous.
GP: I'll tell you a story, Joanne. Once a stripper was sitting on my lap. She was talking rather than doing what she was supposed to be doing. She said, "Well, you know, I sell a fantasy." Any woman who is already on one's lap is fooling herself if she thinks that she needs a feather boa and a story about working her way through college to get the job done. For this reason I say that I would gladly watch Ava Rose and Bree Olson eat lunch and then bring me coffee, naked.
This whole movie distracted me from the single purpose I think all porn movies should have.
JC: All I knew was that no matter what happened, I had to make it to the end and see Rose and Olson share a scene, because that’s the real treasure in this porno parody.
GP: You're right. Proceed to the end of the movie, stopping only at each of the sex scenes.
JC: Is it fair to compare Ethan Kane to Spielberg?
GP: If it's fair to compare XBiz Premiere to the New Yorker, then Yes, and the Phoenix Forum to the Algonquin Round Table, then Absolutely.
JC: This movie is full of really cool, expensive CGI affects, including an ingenuous torture sequence that features an elaborate ant farm. Foreign locations and actors with authentic accents give this flick an amusement park adventure ride feel.
GP: This movie looks so expensive that I feel bad for not liking it. To me, this is an example of misusing contract stars, shoehorning them into a story that only emphasizes flaws rather than shows off their strengths. Ethan Kane is a smart guy with a real feel for film and how to put one together, but this story does not suit his stars and he is unable to coax – even through some blatant overdubbing – great performances out of them. For their parts, Ava Rose and Bree Olson commit to their characters and look great, but it is as if director and stars acknowledged somewhere that this was only a porno and so all decided to skimp on the work required to make the scenes between the sex compelling.
Labels: Ava Rose, Bree Olson, xbiz
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 Studio: Vivid
Director: Dave Naz
Cast: Ashley Blue, Sasha Grey, Madison Young, Maya Hills, Lexi Belle, Jim Powers, De'Bella
"Can you even wait til I'm gone before making your plans tonight?" asks Ashley Blue of her insensitive boyfriend in Circa '82, "the come isn't even dried yet."
We like to fool ourselves that that this sort of narcissistic behavior is the product of the shoegazing MySpace generation, but according to director Dave Naz, this shit was happening 26 years ago to a Circle Jerks soundtrack.
Circa '82 is a fun movie that pretty effectively weaves in the references that justify the title without letting them become a distraction from the sex at hand.
People who weren't alive at the time of the original Circle Jerks (or who were too old even at that time to appreciate the band - who knows how old porn consumers really are?) will still relate to the timeless business of kids getting kicked out of their hangout spots by The Man (in this case played by the Circle Jerks' Keith Morris and the Germs' Don Bolles - not to be confused with the murdered journalist of that name).
Naz' movie might employ Blue's "Eight Is Enough"-era wardrobe (I checked: "Eight Is Enough" was on until the summer of 1981) and even goes so far as to get a rotary phone for the brief setups, but the sex is all (thankfully) circa '08.
Maya Hills' scene involves dialogue about hating the cops - an evergreen lament but also particular to San Fernando Valley punks in the eighties - that evolves into sex, which it should.
Then, like the previous scene, we watch the partners getting dressed following their tryst. This is a welcome element not usually included in the standard porn formula; a load on the face might be excellent closure for some, but Me, I'm into complete exit strategies.
Another pattern that emerges is the shirted nature of each of the women. I don't know if this is because Blue's, Hills', and Scene Three's Lexi Belle's shirts are all period pieces or if that's how L.A. kids did the deed back then.
In any case, after a brief conversation about the shows "That's Incredible!" vs. "Real People," neither of which was on when these performers was alive, Daniel and Lexi get down to it.
They finish before Belle's parents, in a nice bit of stunt casting played by porn director Jim Powers and former performer De'Bella, walk in.
Powers, who himself was in the L.A. punk band Killroy, sees Daniel's Black Flag and Killroy LPs on the bed and decries the state of young people today.
"This is all about violence!" he says to his daughter.
"Don't be so hard on them," De'Bella says.
"You'll be hard when she's pregnant," Powers replies.
In another example of the easy, not-getting-in-its-own-way nature of the movie, Sasha Grey improvises a nice bit of dialogue with Julius Ceazher.
"Your pee has a forest-like smell to it," she declares.
"Can I pee in your mouth?" he asks.
It is only at the very end when one of the 80's references goes south. Madison Young tries to extol the virtues of Def Leppard to her boyfriend. "'Bring Back the Heartbreak'!" she misquotes (It's "Bringin' On the Heartbreak") but that really doesn't matter; she gets fucked with her shirt on. Unlike the occasional Vivid-steve misfire, Circa '82 has its priorities straight, porn-wise.
You don't have to be an L.A. punk fan to like this movie, but if you are you will be a little wistful watching people who weren't alive when punk was in full swing talking about it.
In an entertaining Behind the Scenes featurette edited by Winkytiki and featuring the charming interview style of Ashley Blue, the latter defines punk in context as being opposite from today's emo, characterized by "sucking all the masculinity out of a person."
See also: Dave Naz Loves L.A.
See a gallery here.
Labels: ashley blue, dave naz, De'Bella, jim powers, Lexi Belle, madison young, Maya Hills, sasha grey
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 Studio: Evil Angel
Director: Belladonna, Christoph Clark, Jules Jordan, Jonni Darkko, Rocco Siffredi, John Leslie, Raul Christian, Jazz Duro, Jay Sin
Cast: Avy Scott, Belladonna, Dana DeArmond, Eva Angelina, Holly Wellin, Jack Venice, James Deen, Jazz Duro, Jules Jordan, Lexington Steele, Manuel Ferrara, Mark Wood, Melissa Lauren, Mia Rose, Mick Blue, Nacho Vidal, Naomi, Nikki Jayne, Rocco Siffredi, Sandra Romain, Sasha Grey, Tricia Devereaux, Derrick Pierce
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
In April, 2008 Evil Angel founder and director John Stagliano was indicted on obscenity charges in the type of case that has become familiar to First Amendment watchers who are also porn consumers: several Evil Angel titles, as well as trailers for a Belladonna movie, were obtained in a United States county in which "community standards" seemed rigid enough to bring charges of obscenity. In 2009 the case will likely go to trial.
Notwithstanding (of course) that the titles in question arrived by request of someone over 18 years of age, as they did in dozens of more lenient counties throughout the United States, Stagliano now faces an expensive legal battle in a season that has also seen court cases against the more extreme JM Productions and Max Hardcore.
Defend Our Porn is a compilation DVD of scenes from every current Evil Angel director, as well as alumnus Jules Jordan. And it also features a brand new scene with Tricia Devereaux, Stagliano's wife. Proceeds from the 16-scene, 10-hour, 3-DVD box will defray Stagliano's legal bills.
What is remarkable about the Evil Angel case is that, though the company is undeniably hardcore, it is less so, and far more arty, than the year's other porn defendants. A case against Evil Angel bodes ill for more mainstream adult companies.
So, as both a compilation "Best of" DVD and as a statement of rights, Defend Our Porn starts with a bang in a scene with the irrepressible Nacho Vidal from "Fashionistas Safado: Berlin." No male performer can hold a candle to Nacho in the talking dirty department. "Why did you come here with underwear?" is one of his gems. Melissa Lauren handles this onslaught with fear and aplomb.
Then veteran director John Leslie presents a scene with Naomi. This scene is reminiscent of mid-90's porn and Naomi is definitely the type of model who embodies that vibe and is beloved of fans of that era. Naomi, I am required to say, has an amazing ass. With it she coaxes a load from James Deen that I expect he is still proud of.
In an outdoor scene from Rocco Siffredi's "Rocco's Way to Love," (I'm hoping this is a translation), Kelly Stafford performs in a headlight-lit gangbang. It reminded me a little of "Rebel Without A Cause" if that movie had ended the way I wanted it to.
"Do you want to see the throat fucking doctor?" a game Sasha Grey is asked in "Face Fucking Inc.," a departure from the grainier previous scenes. What sets this scene apart is the Porn Valley-ness of the proceedings, clothing, and lighting, but Sasha Grey lends the scene star power and makes it memorable. Really, porn is about the people.
Nacho then returns with Avy Scott in a scene that would have been creepy even without the monkey.
Disc Two includes part of Belladonna's return to guys, "Cock Happy," as well as an Eva Angelina gangbang in which the 2008 AVN Best Actress is used most jubilantly. Mia Rose appears in a scene with Manuel Ferrara that establishes her as the anti-Teagan. Unlike the harder-looking or more Euro-style Evil Angel performers, the diminutive Rose is all Porn Valley, but uncharacteristically self-aware.
Disc Three includes a performance by the Unsinkable Sandra Romain (on a spotless beige rug). Belladonna returns deliciously in a scene from Jules Jordan's "Ass Worship," and, in the set's one original outing, Tricia Devereaux comes out of retirement for a clothespinny scene with Derrick Pierce.
"I told you I was in love with my husband," she says.
"That's not what we're talking about, is it?" he says.
Of all the great, blitzkrieg excerpts in Defend Our Porn, this final segment takes its time and benefits from it. Devereaux was nervous about this scene. She's older, she's put on some weight--all the things that make women uncomfortable, even in (or especially in) porn. But she looks great, of course, and, much as it is a signature pleasure watching all the teenagers flying around on the other discs, to watch grown women Romain, Belladonna, and Devereaux get (and give) the business in Disc Three is a real payoff.
Defend Our Porn is a fundraising effort but it is also a loadblowingly good value for all the diverse, quality porn it provides.
See also: Defend Our Porn
Labels: belladonna, dana dearmond, evil angel, jules jordan, melissa lauren, mia rose, rocco siffredi, Sandra Romain, tricia devereaux
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Studio: Wicked
