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 Studio: Teravision
Director: Dave Navarro
Cast: Sasha Grey, Audrey Bitoni, Jenna Haze, Tommy Gunn, Marco Banderas, Spyder Jonez, Lisa Daniels, Victoria Sin, Kayla Paige
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Broken, the directorial debut of Dave Navarro, better known as Los Angeles' Official Guitar Player, opens with Sasha Grey on the bathroom floor, sobbing and masturbating. She is left-handed. Why does she choose to lose moisture from both halves of hger body at the same time? She's Broken.
The equation of sex with despair, as is fashionable in porn movies lately, is something I don't understand. After she's finished on the bathroom floor, for example, Grey collapses in a sad heap of moroseness. It would be one thing if she worked through her depression with a good wank (and see how I've suspended my disbelief, try doing that sort of thing while weeping openly), but it doesn't seem to do her any good.
That's not to say she doesn't look good while doing it. Grey is sylphlike, vulnerable, and inviting. But if the porn fantasy is that she's also accessible, couldn't her accessibility come as a result of her being slutty rather than without hope? Guess that might be a different movie.
Eventually everyone with a high enough profile who has an interest in the porn world will direct a movie. Screech did it, and we're just waiting for Mr. Belding and David Spade to jump in. But though the mood of Broken is dark, Navarro has brought something new to the table. A few things happen in this movie that haven't been seen before, but not so many that it ceases to be a porn movie.
When she's through, Grey enters a Kubrickian overexposed room and has a petulant conversation with some bruiser who doesn't cotton to her tartness. Their conversation is subtitled in Italian. Why? Just in case Ennio Morricone drops by for soundtrack tips. Oh, and because the couple's relationship is Broken.
At one point the bruiser picks Sasha up by her head and lifts her a foot off the ground. He could have just told her to move.
Though he kisses her afterward, she still retreats to the bathroom to shoot up. Because the movie is called Broken, she needs a fix.
Time passes and we arrive at a porn set in which Tommy Gunn plays the pizza guy to Jenna Haze's lady answering the door in her lingerie. The camera tracks around to several scenes being shot at once. It's a cool effect, as we watch Marco Banderas holding up his own camera while Grey holds up other things, a cameraman zooms in, yet another camera captures the master shot, and Navarro directs, shirtless but hatted.
It's like Dave Navarro's Porn Circus.
When Sasha has finished with Banderas, Navarro directs her to help out the other couples on the set, as if she has completed her art project early and the teacher sends her around to check on the other kids. She aids a threesome with Teravision owner Evan Seinfeld.
This extended sequence is the heart of the film, and is a clever means of getting the porn-standard amount of scenes in. Grey returns to her apartment, having been empowered by her porn experience, and confronts her Babelfish boyfriend.
Then there's a twist ending!
I admit that my prejudice about porn with a bad attitude is my own. I still think you can get more flies (or, in this case, popshots) with honey (or, in this case, a pleasant disposition). But I will admit that some people do behave this way all the time and that Broken is a fascinating movie directed like a music video and featuring oversaturated and tasty talent.
It also has a unique narrative style that is refreshing and compelling (but can't be used again).
 Labels: dave navarro, sasha grey, teravision
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 Studio: Roy Karch Productions/Sinsation Pictures
Director: Roy Karch
Cast: Voodoo, Nicole Sheridan, Aurora Snow, Mika Tan, Emily Evermore, Herschel Savage, Lee Stone, Paulina James
Insertz sets the scene early with a premise that is fantastic:
A broody, troubled genius, known only as "The Boy Wonder" (Voodoo), plays mournful tunes on his piano. Bubbly Harlene (Aurora Snow) bounces in and he pays nearly no attention to her, only letting her know that she's late. An actress in the stag reels TBW creates for the remnants of his career, Harlene tries to remind him of when sex was fun. He can't remember.
This is madness. Aurora Snow is standing in front of him, all flouncy, and he can't remember. It's still show business, though, so we have imagine not wanting to have sex with Aurora Snow.
"Let's just get to work," he says, pulling at an ever-present bottle of rotgut. "Show me The Meat."
Insertz is director/writer Roy Karch's tribute to the 1974 Richard Dreyfuss movie (set in the 1930s) of almost the same name. Nearly forgotten, Inserts featured Dreyfuss as The Boy Wonder, stooping to porn to make ends meet while he waits for Hollywood to call. Karch's movie simply replaces the "s" with a "z" and adds the porn that the original could not show. The same mopeyness and cynicism characterizes both Boys Wonder.
In the original, Suspiria's Jessica Harper played Nicole Sheridan's role, Miss Cake, and Veronica Cartwright was Harlene.
Other than budget, the presence of tattoos, and the replacement of Bob Hoskins with Herschel Savage, the major difference between the two movies is where the heart of the director was. In the original, the longing for mainstream recognition was like an extra character in the movie; porn was a squalid place and Dreyfuss' TBW was eager, if incapable, of leaving it.
In Karch's version, all TBW needs is an attitude adjustment in the form of a mind-blowing sex scene with Miss Cake to get his priorities - and his home in the porn world - solidified.
Skillfully lit but devoid of transitional music, Insertz is presented like a play, with characters entering and exiting without the usual scene breaks. This is diconcerting at first, because porn does not usually look this way, but remembering the source material is helpful, though not necessary.
Lee Stone and Mika Tan couple by the hearth as a pair of TBW's day players. Stone, like a lot of porn talent, points out menacingly that he has to be in Beverly Hills at 4.
Stone finds out in the film, as the actors found out while the film was shooting, that its best not to make other appointments. Insertz in many ways accurately portrays life in the porn industry.
Herschel Savage, as TBW's thuggish financier, shows up with the mysterious Miss Cake. TBW is dismissive of all, even as they shower him with praise; he's already decided he's going to Hell.
After TBW finishes filming the scene betweeen Stone and Tan, Miss Cake comes on to him. She begs him to make her a porn star.
People unfamiliar with porn feature films are often surprised at how joyless they can be, and that is because sometimes feature porns deal with weighty issues like Poseurs, Politics, Iraq, Miscarriage, and so on.
The weighty issue in Insertz is whether TBW is wasting his life or not, and will he make any changes to it. Insofar as he is preoccupied with these thoughts, his dialogue often makes you want to shake him; he's the type of dude that, if you ask him a question, he will repeat the question with pronouns reversed and add your name to it:
Miss Cake: So you're The Boy Wonder ...
TBW: Am I The Boy Wonder, Miss Cake?
Miss Cake: So what exactly are inserts?
TBW: What are inserts, Miss Cake? He films her doing a strip tease. Why does she want to be a "famous" porn star? No clue. But she's good at it. I'm just saying she could probably be an excellent President as well, but this was the 30's and opportunities for women were limited.
"Not too shabby, Miss Cake," TBW says after she shows him The Meat. They take a shine to each other. The doomed Boy Wonder ("Is that really your name?" Miss Cake asks beyond all logic) finally stops growling at her, puts down his bottle, and accepts his Destiny.
As this movie takes place over a single day (all before lunch, in fact), there is a lot of coming and going. One such scene is between Savage and Emily Evermore who, in the behind the scenes documentary, gives a fascinating interview about how porn is better than hooking because it makes her less of a shark about money.
Another part of the B story is the fate of Harlene. Karch shot two versions of her story, and one might later be available in the European version of the film. The way it is left now, Harlene's own date with Destiny is handled in an intriguingly ambiguous way.
Insertz is a movie that asked a lot of its actors. Particularly up to the challenge were Savage, Voodoo, and Snow, who delivered great performances in the strangely-mannered, 30's world of the movie. And the sex was good, too; I don't know why The Boy Wonder had forgotten about it.
See an on the set gallery here.
Labels: Aurora Snow, Emily Evermore, herschel savage, lee stone, Mika Tan, Nicole Sheridan, Paulina James, roy karch, Voodoo
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 Studio: Hustler/X-a Play
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Hillary Scott, Alana Evans, Mike Horner, Lynn LeMay, James Deen, Aurora Snow, Leah Luv, Ron Jeremy, Sunny Lane, Paulina James, Veronique Vega
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
While Not the Bradys XXX is not a porn parody the way The Da Vinci Load was, in that it doesn't add anything new, only imagines familiar characters having sex, its attention to detail, faithfulness to a "Brady Bunch"-style (but with cumshots) storyline, and - most important for good porn - an instinct to not get in its own way, makes this movie a fun purchase.
In addition, like last year's The New Neighbors, Not the Bradys XXX features what to porn is a multigenerational cast; Baby Boomer AVN Hall-of-Famers Ron Jeremy, Lynn LeMay, and Mike Horner appear alongside the likes of Alana Evans, a MILF-but-for-a-child at 31, and younglings Hillary Scott and Jasmine Byrne.
From the guerilla exterior shot of the real "Brady Bunch" house in Studio City to the laudable, accurate interior design by Hustler's staff, Not the Bradys XXX sets new standards for porn ripoffs. And the plot is right out of Mike and Carol's playbook (again, except for the cumshots):
Mike's company is losing business and the Not the Bradys are short of cash. The kids of their own accord seek to find employment to stave off ruin. Hillary Scott, as Marcia, applies to be a nude model at the studio of a sleazebag. There she bumps into a friend, Jasmine Byrne, who in turn bumps into Bobby Not Brady. They become ensexed.
Byrne looks good. Too good. I had to look away.
Somewhere in the middle the movie loses coherence. People start having sex randomly. And the promise of a tryst between Lynn LeMay as Alice and Ron Jeremy as Sam the Butcher never materializes. In fact, they never have a seen together. Filmed in a large studio, the voices echo.
The editing is efficient; awkward dialogue passes quickly and the pace is even.
It has become a cliche that the mark of a bad movie is when the last scene reveals that the narrative has all been a dream. But this is porn, and you have but slumbered here. Dream-Marcia fucks her own brother, and it is up to the "Brady Bunch" scholar or the fan who listened to the movie's theme song to remember that they're not really related.
I expected not to like this movie because of its abhorrent hype, but it was pretty good, with standout scenes from Byrne, Scott, Aurora Snow (with Tee Real), and Mike Horner and Alana Evans. Attempts at humor were mercifully short and not distracting.
A real treat of this movie was the background footage. Ron Jeremy talks about the danger of Viagra for young men and an incident in Mallorca where he had to fuck a woman in the ass who was vomiting. (The interview is more compelling than I'm making it sound.)
Not the Bradys XXX is a solid porn movie with A-list talent and lots of worthwhile extras. If the same crew wanted to plunder for porn inspiration that other Sherwood Schwartz gem, "Gilligan's Island", I wouldn't chain myself to the camera.
Labels: Alana Evans, Aurora Snow, Hillary Scott, James Deen, Leah Luv, Lynn LeMay, Mike Horner, Paulina James, Ron Jeremy, Sunny Lane, Veronique Vega
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 Studio: Vivid-Alt
Director: Eon McKai
Cast: Cassidey, Dana DeArmond, Charlotte Stokely, Pixie Pearl, Tommy Pistol, James Deen, Julius Ceazher, Icarus Corpse, Daniel, Justin Syder, Monique Alexander
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
The band Dallas is coming to town, and Debbie and her friends will do anything to get at the frontman.
An Altporn reimagining of the 70's Debbie Does Dallas, Eon McKai's version is not going to make any converts to the steveporn stable of stars, all of whom do an amazing job of telegraphing how not seriously they take their jobs.
The eye rolling, gum smacking, and bad posture, the delivery of every line as if it had a question mark at the end of it, and the relentless irony of the performances made me think less like I was watching a porn movie than I was substitute-teaching an eighth grade class.
All except Cassidey, who plays Debbie. The bad seed Vivid Girl (or so she is depicted in the Showtime/World of Wonder "reality" series "Debbie Does Dallas .. Again"), Cassidey alone seems to be making an effort to do her best with what is admittedly a porn script.
She and her pals (DeArmond, Stokely, and Pearl) meet at a music video shoot playing listless cheerleaders. They take a break and hang out with local ticket scalper/drug dealer Deeze, who takes a shine to Dana.
"I'm from East Los Angeles," he says. "...so far east I have a New York accent."
Back at Debbie's place, Cassidey makes James Deen fuck Pixie as punishment for not cleaning the apartment. I don't understand stevepornkid anthropology; if Deen had cleaned the house, would he have got to fuck Pixie twice?
Regardless, a good sex scene is always a welcome departure from bad acting, and a lack of dialogue takes one's mind off the poor sound. We can hear the "record" button being pressed each time a performer speaks.
Meanwhile, we meet Punky of Dallas, whose mating dance seems to be the constant readjustment of his glasses. We are treated to Dallas' music video, a trippy interlude that puts Punky in Deen's place fucking Pearl.
A story element is added that the girls are fighting. Stokely versue Cassidey over Punky. Cassidey tells Stokely that the loser in their struggle will have to "go back to making porn in the Valley" (at this point I suddenly felt defensive of the Valley. "Well, these girls don't seem so together, either," I thought).
The groupies crash a recording session and Pearl and DeArmond hook up with the backup musicians. It's like "The Wall", except with MySpace bands. Two headscratchers of porn pseudonyms are featured in this scene: Julius Ceazher and Icarus Corpse. If I was 12, Icarus Corpse would be my band.
Down the hall, Cassidey and Stokely try to find Punky but are blocked by his bodyguard.
"I'll introduce Punky to the one who sucks the best cock," the bodyguard says. (Shouldn't it be "sucks cock the best?") Anyway, they blow him, but he betrays their trust. It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock 'n' roll.
A surprise visit by Monique Alexander from Paul Thomas' recent "Debbie" reimagining is every bit as exciting as when Gary Coleman did a cameo on "Silver Spoons" as Arnold Drummond. It is the Vivid contract girls who deliver the most inspired performances in this movie.
You might say, "But Dana DeArmond is the new Thinking Man's Porn Star, and Charlotte Stokely was the face of suburban blight in Girls Lie. How is it that cookie cutter contract girls are so refreshing in this movie?"
Probably because the script was unequal to the talent of these people. At that point it became a personal choice whether to let the audience know. Cassidey made me forget the script, Dana drew attention to it.
In the end, Cassidey gets her man. Punky, played by Alex Gonz, and Cassidey provide a sweaty and messy ending to the movie, real porn as opposed to metaporn, which is a welcome relief.
Still, we could hear an offstage voice yell "Two minutes!" as Gonz worked up to his pop shot. I asked McKai if things other directors might smooth over - like stage directions - were included purposely in this movie.
"Truth to materials," he said, quoting the architectural fad that prohibits gussying up building blocks. If that is true, why not have a split screen at all times showing what the crew is up to? What about a CNN news ticker or real-time L.A. traffic reports that would give insight into conditions on the set? Sometimes I think steveporn means never having to admit you're phoning it in.
Labels: cassidey, contract, dana dearmond, eon mckai, monique alexander, pixie pearl, steveporn, vivid
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 Studio: Bleu Productions
Director: Maria Beatty
Cast: Michelle Aston, Amber Rayne
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Michelle Aston takes a very long break from her latest art installation to go and snatch the cutest petite skateboardist, Amber Rayne, from the playground down the block.
Still wet behind the ears, Amber is led blindfolded inside Michelle's loft space and with enthusiasm she very quickly transforms Amber into her latest "art piece" turning her into her sextoy.
So that's what happened. I had to read the boxcover after I watched the movie to find out.
This girl/girl BDSM flick from New York-based studio Bleu Productions had such a low budget that the plot couldn't even fit in the movie. Regardless, who needs a plot when single-minded lesbians are slapping the hell out of each other?
Tattooed and mohawked Michelle Aston is especially well cast as a masterful domme and Amber Rayne, who in any other situation is a take-charge kind of performer, has no choice but to play the doe-eyed sub.
While a hastily-shot montage of skateboarders precedes the film, and a skateboard is actually used to roll a bound Rayne around, the title is misleading; Rayne doesn't look like a sk8rgrrl. But then again, compared with Aston, Mongol hordes would look as if they were plucked from a playground.
What is satisfying about this movie is that it wastes no time, yet Aston and Rayne do develop a relationship through it. There is kissing and embracing in between the serious ass-smacking, nipple clamping, and strap-on action.
I say serious because Aston and Rayne know what they are doing. The movie is not about people pretending to engage in these activities. And Beatty directs in natural light, choosing loving shots of Rayne and Aston, unposed and balletic.
But Skateboard Kink Freak is not a feel-good, Up with People lesbian BDSM movie. The soundtrack, by Belgian metalcore band Caldera, is anything but chirpy. I fear lesbian BDSM afficianadas will watch this film and want to kidnap Amber Rayne so that they can don gloves like Aston did and slap Rayne's ass with abandon. I know I did. Does that make me a lesbian?
Labels: amber rayne, bdsm, bleu productions, fetish, michelle aston
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 Studio: Hustler
Director: Erica McLean
Cast: Jenny Hendrix, Faye Runaway, Alexandra, McKenzee Miles, Alexis Love, Aurora,
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Let's say every fourth of a porn series, such as Barely Legal or (make up hilarious porn series title for inevitable studio audience whooping sitcom joke here) is brilliant. This would tend to devalue the intervening three and capsize the line. So it's probably good that Barely Legal 75 is important just because it is rather than because it's great. More than any other series in porn, Barely Legal underlines the fact that all porn is good.
This 75th installment comes eight years after the late Clive McLean founded the series, and #75 was filmed by his widow, Erica, at their home in stark, scrubby, and altitudinous Sunland, CA. In addition to the video there is a bonus documentary about the series.
Perhaps symbolic of the movie's importance, the theme is a flashback. A group of girls get together around the pool to dish about their "first time". A plot bomb goes off almost immediately, as Jenny Hendrix talks about how her dad invites a local swain over to sunbathe nude at the family pool. "He's really hot," Hendrix extemporizes, adding, "and so's my dad."
Hendrix has explained that she walked down to the pool that day ready to go swimming, only to find her naked neighbor. Quickly she is undressed, stripping off her bikini top and bottom, though she is wearing panties underneath. If she was ready to go swimming, why is she wearing panties?
Even asking a question like this is so beside the point as to be meaningless. The point is that she becomes naked immediately. We shouldn't worry about how the dad should be jailed, or why the neighbor is sunbathing with an erection.
Next up is the bite-sized Alexis Love, who instead of relating her encounter with a greasemonkey, says "greasy monkey guy". Her partner looks positively ancient by comparison. Is this how we all look? (I am 22.)
The chipper, moon-faced and juicy Aurora is next, telling a tale of fucking "the help" at her parents' ranch. She has to be wearing Memphis Monroe's castoff clothing, including the Daisy Dukes. In fact, Aurora fully embodies the Daisy Duke spirit. In this thoughtful journalist's opinion, too many of the wrong people wear Daisy Dukes these days.
Regardless, an inexplicable tinny guitar soundtrack plays through this scene.
Hendrix is the ringleader, so she points to various of the girls around the pool for their stories. Until McKenzee Miles comes up, she has pointed to people and said, "You." I was on the set that day, and it is easy to remember why Hendrix knew some names but not others - because it's not as if everyone got together for a barbecue in the back field. Some people hung out in one building on the McLeans' property and others were around the pool or in another building. Again, does it matter that these women would never get together for a pool party in real life? No it does not.
McKenzee is supposed to be the wild one. She has a standard sex scene with Otto Bauer. While she is not wild, she appears just a little more substantive than Alexis Love. We can use her ribs as a xylophone.
Like so many porn movies, the best material in Barely Legal 75 is in the behind the scenes feature. Here McKenzee sits on a toilet while getting her hair done (it is an established fact that all the makeup and hair people in the porn industry should really be in front of the camera) and talks about how chocolate soy milk makes one's boobs grow, and how all one has to do to get to first base with her is to tell her she's pretty. It's a great interview, and it is revealing that the real people are more interesting than their characters.
In the next scene, tattooed imp Faye Runaway, the smallest of all the cast, is paired with the massive Lee Stone. Were Stone not such a gentleman, we would fear for Runaway's safety. My sister, my daughter.
Finally, Alexandra, the only Girls Only performer, leads the group in a lesbian orgy by the pool. Alexandra is tall and tasty, and it is a shame the girls have a monopoly on her.
A documentary disc accompanies this movie, which is well worth the purchase price, not only for the scenes, which are not surprising and therefore just as they should be, but also for the behind the scenes featurette, which is a great documentary on its own, all the women comfortable in the presence of Erica McLean.
The Barely Legal Yearbook bonus disc is a tribute to the late Clive McLean and his successors. I will cover that separately.
My visit to the set of Barely Legal 75.
Labels: aurora, faye runaway, hustler, jenny hendrix, lee stone, mckenzee miles, otto bauer
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Studio: Teravision
