 Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Robby D.
Cast: Jesse Jane, Shay Jordan, Sophia Santi, Teagan Presley, Sasha Grey, Nikki Benz, Nautica Thorn, Gina Lynn, Tommy Gunn, Lexxi Tyler, Sammie Rhodes, Alektra Blue, Angie Savage, Ben English, Charles Dera, Jerry, Saascha, Scott Nails, Tony De Sergio, Tyler Durden, Jay Lassiter
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Round about the time I thought I'd get a super-secret copy of Pirates 2, Babysitters arrived, a less ambitious but ultimately more compelling idea. Even Jesse Jane in her Behind the Scenes interview admitted that, when she was little, "I wanted my babysitters to double-team me."
It's impossible, of course, to have babysitters without children, but it is absolutely verboten to have images of children in porn movies, so we see their diapers and tricycles and can only wonder at their parents' poor judgment in hiring Sasha Grey to babysit.
A loose network of babysitters and neighborhood families take part in interwoven stories in this movie that features many of Digital Playground's contract stars in roles that are smaller than would normally merit their inclusion on a boxcover, but it is a pleasure to see them anyway.
The thought of the above-named cast operating a babysitting collective (their uniform is usually a backpack) is more titillating, for some reason, than the same group on a cheerleading squad. It must be my biological clock.
Nautica Thorn seduces a dad without too much effort, mopey teen Sasha Grey goes, in one scene, from a frigid prude to a cock-smoking dynamo in the next. This is explained away when she shows up for a babysitting gig that has been canceled. "I would do anything for that money," she tells the dad (and his friends). Cue boning.
Elsewhere, dominatrix Sophia Santi has a party with the wives. Wielding a strap-on, she orders:
"Bitch? Spit on that shit! I'm gonna take this cock and go home." (Santi is an undertapped resource, in my opinion). We see the leonine Angie Savage atop a strap-on mounted to Alektra Blue's leg. Smart: this allows the use of the knee as a pressure point as well as full view of all the special parts.
Teagan Presley, looking splendid after her own maternity leave, returns as the unlikely babysitter of a boy whose legal-age brother waits upstairs, masturbating. The brother has a broken leg, which is perhaps how producers got around the conundrum of why the absent mom and dad would hire Teagan in the first place.
Then Shay Jordan and Scott Nails get it on in the movie's Most Likely to Happen in Real Life pairing: the babysitter's boyfriend comes over while the folks are out. That Shay J. is a yeller.
Then, horrors, Shay is caught by parents Gina Lynn and Ben English. Best scene in the movie. (Scott Nails beats it out the back door.)
Then the combination is repeated, this time with Tommy Gunn, Jesse Jane, and Nikki Benz. It is almost redundant to say that Jane is so practiced and gleeful with her sex kitten roles (and Digital Playground never makes the mistake of casting her against type) that she always ups the ante. Gunn, too, can be seen actually acting. The dialogue and the setups might be simple, but I never get the feeling that he's tuning out.
An unintentionally hilarious scene pops up between two porn dudes commenting on Sasha Grey's blowjob antics. Their scene is known in porn circles as the "High Five", in which two guys will high-five each other over the woman they've just unloaded on. In this case, the men are just watching from the sidelines, but still congratulating each other with pints of beer. Since both speak English with heavy Slavic accents, it is almost impossible to understand them.
While we can suspend our disbelief enough to imagine married mom of one Jesse Jane as a gum-smacking babysitter, these guys just look like they shouldn't be there, and wouldn't be saying those things if they were.
Writer/director Robby D., while he has Digital Playground's financial resources and talent pool to draw from, nevertheless also makes Babysitters a fast-paced, fluid, cheerful, well edited movie, down to characters from one scene reaching for a doorknob that opens a door to a new scene with different characters. This might not seem like much in mainstream terms, but any effort pays off in porn, and Babysitters, already ahead because of its cast, benefits from his direction.
 Labels: "digital playground", angie savage, jesse jane, nautica thorn, shay j, sophia santi
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 Studio: Wicked
Director: Brad Armstrong
Cast: Kirsten Price, Shyla Styles, Barrett Blade, Scott Lyons, Vanessa Lane, Savannah Stern, Gianna Lynn, Chris Cannon, Christian, Tyler Knight, Brooke Banner, Jada Fire, Kayla Carrera, Mikayla, Derrick Pierce, Marcus London
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Poor Brian Parsons (Brad Armstrong) is called to serve his country in Iraq, lamenting the U.S. Army's lack of 18-year-olds. Luckily, porn has 18-year-olds in spades, so Brian's girlfriend (Kirtsen Price) makes his last week stateside one to remember.
Brian asks his buddy Jimmy (Barrett Blade) to take care of his girl while he's away. I feared the worst.
"If that was me," Blade's girlfriend says, "I'd keep you to myself for a week."
The two couples get together at the same bar from Porn Valley. There are a thousand stories there.
As his departure grows nearer, Brian receives a creepy farewell from Charlie, his boss. "I always felt you were the son I never had," Charlie says. This has to be in the top ten, at least, of Quotes Inappropriate for a Porn Movie.
I wondered how the movie would squeeze sex into the boot camp and Iraq scenes, but with the help of dream sequences and the presence of female soldiers (in the same way Hawkeye availed himself of Lt. Dish), that problem was taken care of easily.
Unfortunately, Brian doesn't make it. His small town thinks the worst of Jimmy drying the widow's tears. Brian's brother accuses Blade and Price of not mourning long enough when he finds them at a drive-in together.
"Stop stirring the pot, you little shit!" Jimmy cries.
For the hundredth time I wondered if Wicked's Real Movies But with Sex m.o. was an effective strategy, but the drive-in scene was pretty cool.
Meanwhile, Brooke is getting suspicious of Jimmy and Kirsten. And for good reason!
Brooke retaliates. She calls Jimmy a "fucking dummy" in a monologue that I think prospective porn talent should memorize for auditions.
Coming Home is a movie that drops its cliches as it goes, so by the end it really forgets it's a porn film and becomes something else, something heartfelt. Could that be good? I don't know. It is difficult for a porn movie to sell tragedy, though plenty of them attempt it. This is a porn movie that ends sadly, and there is logic in the sadness. But Coming Home is not the movie to watch if one is already guilty about jerking off to porn.
Director/writer/star Brad Armstrong has improved on Flashpoint, the reissue version of which I reviewed here recently. Coming Home features only strong performances (save for the gas station manager) and the story is much tighter. It also makes a play for some of the biggest consumers of porn, the U.S. military, and doesn't do soldiers a disservice, even on a porn budget.
Labels: brad armstrong, brooke banner, directors, kirsten price, wicked
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Swallow My Children
 Studio: Metro
Director: Rob Rotten
Cast: Mercedes Santos, Marsha Lord, Sasha Grey, Heather Gables, Roxy Deville, Laurie Vargas, Whitney Stevens, Daisy Tanks, Brandi, Britney Stevens, Leighlani Red, Allison Pierce, Chavon Taylor, Faith Deluca, Kaylee Love Cox, Jocelyn Jaden
Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
Rob Rotten's Swallow My Children is a love letter to Acton, CA, which Rotten (because I can't find anyone else who says it) describes as "the energy capital of the world". Acton, situated on the wrong side of Magic Mountain and in the vicinity of various high desert nuclear tests, is like a blend of Los Angeles and a disaffected desert Hell. We should all live there in order to complete our transformations.
Rotten combines people from the neighborhood with many performers you've never seen before (or perhaps will never see again), along with the rough and ready likes of Sasha Grey, Alison Pierce, and Roxy Deville to present a blowjob movie that is so much more than a blowjob movie; it is like a little piece of punk art and something that should go on the Acton Chamber of Commerce's website.
Unfortunately, the movie was not shot in Acton at all, but in one of the standard-issue porn McMansions here in Los Angeles.
"Then why did you mention Acton?" I asked Rotten.
"There was this brand-new 18-year-old girl who was asking us a good place to visit in California," Rotten said. "I couldn't think of a worse place than Acton, so that showed up in the movie."
As "Acton" is mentioned early in the flick, and as Rotten improvised most of the ridiculous scenes with a variety of white trash characters, Swallow My Children seems like what The Kentucky Fried Movie would have been had fellatio been involved.
The movie is very silly, and Rotten has chosen performers that look sexy in natural light, in bare feet, with minimal makeup.
"I tell people not to come with the porn heels and the stupid porn bikinis," Rotten said.
Best line: "What are you doing in my tub? Maybe the piss can wait!"
There are also scenarios in which a blowjob is traded for the return of a retarded uncle's bike, an unlikely tryst on a roof with porn-ratty Tony Tedeschi, and some trampolines. After Dirty Harry's, the best line is: "Can I borrow your weight room? Mine's being worked on."
The secret to an effective porn movie (at least for a male audience) is juicy women having sex with loopy undesirables. Swallow My Children is an effective porn movie.
Swallow My Children, though everyone in it is tatted out with metal playing in the background, is so silly, well lit, and populated with healthy vixens that it seems wholesome. After all, isn't a blowjob the friendliest gesture one can make? It's when penetration happens that people get all possessive.
View a trailer here.
Labels: bj, dvd, rob rotten, sasha grey
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Studio: Digital Playground
