Studio: Metro
Director: Pat Myne
Cast: Missy Monroe, Christy Lee, Jada Fire, Kelly Wells, Eva Angelina, Alexis Amore, Sandra Romaine

Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot

Such an iconic-sounding porn title as "X Rated" raises expectations and demands close scrutiny. As you will remember, Disney's "Rated G" created a similar groundswell and critics ultimately rejected it; too few wisecracking monkeys, one too many fat kids.

But this, Pat Myne's hundredth title for Metro Pictures, is a solid, dirty piece of work on its own, but also packs two extra discs' worth of AVN Award-nominated scenes Myne-d from Pat's catalog, ultimately presenting a package that lives up to the title in quantity if not in blow-your-face-out reimaginings and expansions of the porn genre.

Scene One (of six) begins with Latin desirables Alexis Amore and Eva Angelina. I didn't catch the guy's name, but I shall call him Lucky Bastard.

LB happens on the two masturbating in high heels on a just-steamed Porn Valley beige rug. The scene and scenario are much like any other shot in the same house on any other day or on the same day anywhere else, but some extra cash was shelled out for Angelina and Amore to work together.

Next comes Kelly Wells, whose rib-baring physique and sharp features leave no mystery to her; she is a vicious, dirty, well-coiffed suburbanite who resembles Lorraine Gary if Ellen Brody had done in the movie "Jaws" what her character did in the book of the same name. She takes on a HUGE black dildo before settling for the inevitably smaller carbon-based version.

Evil girl next door Christy Lee is in the bathroom; she pleasures herself. Like the other ladies in this film who seemed to be having a fine time just masturbating, she is soon joined by a dude who fucks her on the toilet and on the bathroom floor. The bathrooom looks clean enough, so the wholesome factor established by the fact she's in a schoolgirl outfit is maintained.

What sets this movie apart is the caliber of performances and the wattage of the stars. Aside from Lee who, let's face it, redeems everything by getting fucked on a toilet, all of the performers are well known and each performs her scene with a little extra.

Especially Sandra Romain. Romain is very sweet when the cameras are off but she will eat you alive when the tape starts rolling. Her scene is the most energetic. It starts as she cleans a room full of butt plugs with her mouth. Then she is thrown into a cage. Then the cage is shaken (also like "Jaws"), then she is double-teamed. It is the guys who look the worse for wear afterward.

Jada Fire is probably the reason the word "bootylicious" was invented. She is also the reason why I invented the term "squirtylicious".

Finally, Missy Monroe, dressed in such a way that would leave no one surprised by her intentions, engages in what is known as a blowbang. Monroe is, as of this writing, several months pregnant. We know for certain that it could not have happened on the "X Rated" shoot.

This movie starts well and doesn't let up. Within the realm of porn budgets and porn talent, with just enough attention - but not too much - paid to camera angles and costume and lighting and location, "X Rated" is a great porn DVD in the dying days of the porn DVD.

The eight extra awards-nominated scenes on the other two discs are icing on the cake. I haven't watched them yet, but I would have no problem loaning a single guy this movie, because there isn't a scene that wouldn't do the trick.

Labels: dvd, metro, reviews

Studio: Uber Ego
Director: Paige White
Cast: Madison Young, Richard Stoutheart, Hunter Rhodes

Like I should have been able to do with a crappy Linksys wireless router I bought at Best Buy last month, Hunter Rhodes is underwhelmed with the performance of slave Madison Young, whom he purchased at one of those fly-by-night Bay Area slave auctions you see nowadays, and leads the pouty and insouciant thing to trainer Richard Stoutheart.

"Look at my boots," Rhodes says, horrified. "I've been walking around with dirty boots."

You must understand that everyone in San Francisco lives in a leatherclad BDSM relationship, if not with each other, then at least with traffic on the 101, so exchanges like this are as commonplace up there as Middle-Americans' disputes over corn silage.

Rhodes drops off Young and Stoutheart immediately leads her to a training room where, like a drill sergeant, he demands she not look him in the eye and that she "toe the line". He asks why she has been so disobedient.

"Because I'm a bad girl," she says, sullen.

The response to that very porny remark would determine whether or not I shut off the movie.

"What a bullshit thing to say," I said to the screen. "You'd better take it out on her."

"That's crap," Stoutheart said, and hoisted up the chains. Whew.

Still, Young continues to maintain her hauteur to the point that Stoutheart clips off her clothes so that she won't look pretty (this doesn't work - she looks even better). He demands she kneel. She kneels, but her knees extend over the line. He demands she apologize. She does so, but he isn't convinced of her sincerity.

"I'm sorry Line," she snarks.

What is authentic about the exchange is that she is "topping from the bottom" and will need to be broken in order for her to be "of any use to (her) master".

By the time her labia are hung with clips and 13 clothespins affixed to various other parts, she seems like she is traveling the road to humility.

Young is caged, flogged, marked, investigated, and humiliated. What is refreshing is that the progression to "good slave" is documented and believable. There are still plenty of moments when the viewer thinks she might relapse, or isn't feeling it. By the end we are convinced.

It's worth pointing out that at no time while Young is hanging up there does Stoutheart whip it out and avail himself of his pupil. But he has explained that he is but "an extension of (her) master" and what is truly hardcore about this film is that it errs on the side of documentary.

If Perfection's concept were in the hands of a mainstream porn company thinking that a slave training movie might be a good idea to populate a niche market, Young's sly remarks would be taken at face value rather than punished for being insincere and, of course, she would be fucked in her chains.

The latter possibility would have been pretty damn hot, of course, but not only does that sort of content violate most distributors' restrictions (penetration while bound) but it, more importantly, would compromise the authenticity of this very real BDSM lifestyle exchange.

Young is returned to Rhodes and is penitent. His boots still aren't exactly shiny, but she has tried, and relationships are all about compromise.

I am hoping that, once he gets her home, he will have her do practical things rather than just to kneel when told and to stand in certain places in addition to shining his shoes now and then. If she were my slave, I would definitely have her drive over the Bay Bridge, because that commute sucks.

Labels: "uber ego", bdsm, dvd, fetish