Gram Ponante.com: thoughtful reviews by America's beloved porn journalist
7.14.2006
Silver Lake Scenesters
 Studio: VCA Director: Vena Virago Cast: Daisy Marie, Delilah Strong, Faith Leon, Phoebe, Haley Scott, Veronica Jett Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
I worried that this would be one of those "love letter" movies, like that awful Tao of Steve movie a few years ago was billed as a "love letter to Santa Fe". Would Silver Lake Scenesters guilelessly extol the virtues of one of L.A.'s great dark horse neighborhoods but do it in such a way that I would want to see it paved over for a Glendale extension?
The film begins with a quick montage of Silver Lake landmarks, rendered in black and white to achieve a newsreel feel, layered over with colored titles by Virago.
In the first scene, Delilah Strong and Marcos Leon briefly damn Silver Lake with faint praise ("Silver Lake has the hottest girls," Leon says, looking unsure of it), but then the two of them get down to business on a checkered kitchen floor, which is how Silver Lake's settlers did it, so the scene struggles back into authenticity.
When the scene is done, Leon delivers a Silver Lake Reservoir-sized load onto Delilah's back. Well done, scenesters!
The next sequence is "Nietzsche Bangers", the spec scene Virago delivered to VCA to impress them in the waning days of Eon McKai's time there. "Truth is Being" intone Tyler Knight and Veronica Jett. "What the hell is this?" intone VCA executives.
Between yelps of "I am alive!" and 'zine reading, however, Knight and Jett perform a sweet little scene. Would a Nietzsche-penned porn script get sold today? Maybe to DCypher. But would he understand it? Just kidding.
John E. Depth and Haley Scott come next. "How would I describe Silver Lake?" Depth asks. "Fuckable."
Depth wears glasses and his hair is in dreads, so he looks the most Silver-Lakey so far (if he was white and his hair was in dreads, the production would have to move to Venice Beach). He and Haley Scott make a cute couple.
Ball-balancing covergirl Daisy Marie comes next, with lollipop-eating partner Barry Scott, who gets points for wearing a Brite Spot t-shirt. He positions her with one foot on the dishwasher and does his best, but anyone who has ever worked at Pizza Hut knows that kitchens aren't the best place to have sex in. Still, Daisy squirts by the spice rack, and that has to mean something.
"As soon as I started cleaning out my thoughts," Scott says in the behind-the-scenes footage, "everything started working out for me." That's a Silver Lake ideal for you: thought-cleansing.
Finally, Faith Leon and Phoebe have a Sapphic interlude in a pleasantly-painted room. Tyler Knight mercifully interrupts this, because everyone by that part of the 5 Freeway knows that nothing ends without a threesome.
7.11.2006
Huge Boobs Galore
 Studio: Pink Visual Director: Cast: Bailey, Destiny, Honey, Brandy Taylor, Ethan Portions of this review originally appeared on Fleshbot
"Do surfer girls have to have life preservers like that?"
Internet-to-DVD company Pink Visual is not interested in what you think of its scripts, nor is one in danger of tripping over the Ming vases lying around its filming locations. Instead, the Tucson-based company found that the down-and-dirty scenes it shot for Internet-only content could, with the right amount of cajoling, be effectively transferred to DVDs.
"The DVD customer is different from the Internet customer," its marketing manager says.
So a movie like Huge Boobs Galore is not laden down with anyone's vision of art. It doesn't need to try very hard. Why? Well, as Master Yoda says, "There is no try, only boobs."
Bailey is from Texas but she's here in California to surf. The line we opened with is representative of the not-quite-creepy off-camera voice found in better gonzo fare. There is an element of "Well you have to hear how he says it" at work here, because just writing it down=creepy. The camera guy sounds just a bit like a very attentive Jack from the Jack in the Box commercials.
After Bailey is interviewed and she drops some baby oil on her breasts, she is joined by porn guy Ethan. Bailey has large, natural breasts and appears to be in transition to porn girl from The Waitress Who Might Fuck You. She is practiced enough to moan the standard way and to have Ethan hold her negligible-in-real-life-but-not-for-glamour-porn stomach in in the profile shots, but there is a jeans-clad accessibility about her that makes one want to do all manner of things to her near the tracks behind Costco.
Brandy Taylor, hailing from Ohio, admits that her large, natural boobs are an obvious asset but she also extols her legs. "They're short but they're muscular."
Unlike other gonzo titles, this movie's scenes start with an interview and not what is known as a "tease". The actresses are not asked to simulate masturbation on camera. They're just there looking like women with large breasts. This is a distinction of Internet content over DVD content - there's no budget for fakery. When Taylor is told by Scene Two's offtsgae voice "You have great tits," she says "Thank you." Had this been a made-for-DVD gonzo, she might have been beholden to say something like "Ooooh yeeeaahhh you like them? Ooooooh."
(The results are, of course, the same: a load is shot across her breasts. But it's these wonderful unvarnished touches that please Gram.)
Latina Destiny is next. Her scene suffers due to an extended interview (Mike Wallace should really try out this line of work). She is made to put on a wet t-shirt. She is followed into the shower. The talking goes on and on, and off-camera voices should be legally-mandated to keep it short.
But when Destiny emerges from the shower she's ready to go. She is unabashed about her full stomach and is gorgeous. We could use three Destinys over here, and one in the White House.
The final scene is kind of a disappointment. The setting moves to a "find a girl in a bra store" contrivance, and so we wait through that, and increased chattiness from offstage, until Honey is inevitably brought back to the same hotel room/office where the same type of scene as the three previous ones unfolds. The shaking up of expectations is unnecessary in such a bare-bones project.
Honey is the skinniest of the three, and more porn-toned. She looks at the camera a lot.
Stop looking at us, Honey!!
...but on the other hand, she actually has pubic hair.
Just when I thought the Internet had let me down...
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