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Prisoner
 Studio: Metro/Cal Vista
Director: DCypher
Cast: Justine Joli, Brittney Skye, Hailey, Nina Hartley, Violet Blue
Prisoner is told in flashbacks, through letters written over several years by Charlene (Brittney Skye) in a braless womens' prison, to her daughter, Chloe.
Abuse of eclectic substances, long the backbone of the adult industry, is captured on film from the opening scenes, in which Skye smokes a bong and is tied off by a cigarette-smoking boyfriend by a coffee table littered with fast food and alcohol. Of low-life boyfriend Victor (Steven St. Croix), Skye writes, "I could tell he had something that I needed," as she blows him for a toot of sweet booger sugar.
"All this girl does is lie," DCypher (no one knows how to spell his name) told me at the fabulous eight-night press junket Metro sponsored for the film. "We see what she's actually doing but what she's writing to her daughter is completely different."
The number one adjective for Charlene is sordid. She even snorts coke from a one dollar bill. Showing her steely single mom grit, however, she manages to get it all done with her eyelashes intact.
After she and Victor kill her husband for drug money, Charlene ends up in a minimum-security prison. They let her keep her porn nails and rings, and allow Justine Joli to continue coloring her hair.
Our nation's womens' prisons would be a lot less horrific if the heavies looked more like Nina Hartley and less like Evan Seinfeld. Hartley surprises Joli in the shower and shows her some hard female justice. Joli doesn't protest. "Has someone claimed your sweet hole, Cupcake?" Hartley asks.
*shudder*
"This could be your daughter, this could be your daughter," I kept saying to Hartley, rocking back and forth and not fast-forwarding.
Being a guard at Hot Womens' Prison is also something worth checking into. Guard Barrett Blade takes an interest in Charlene and guard Tommy Gunn services Charlene's cellmate Rosa (Hailey Paige) on a table full of just-folded laundry. Rosa explains to Charlene that affairs with guards make life on the inside a lot easier.
Charlene receives a letter from Chloe's foster parents, explaining that they think it's best Chloe not see or hear from her mother after witnessing her father's death.
"We couldn't very easily put a child in the room of a murder scene in a porn film," DCypher told me, "So Chloe isn't shown until she's an adult."
We do see Chloe (the other Violet Blue) in the end, when mom screws things up again by trying to escape and taking down Barrett Blade in the process. Charlene has been sentenced to death by lethal injection (DCypher is the priest who reads last rites) and not even an ass-loving governor will give her clemency. Chloe, finally allowed access to her mother's letters, has hooked up with an older man (Randy Spears), who looks a bit like Victor.
The cycle continues.
Issues with the movie? Justine Joli is tasty and all, but she's not the star of the show. Prisoner's boxcover should depict a taut prison laundry scene, not a Joli glamour shot. And I am writing this from prison - none of the screws wear, much let us wear, all the jewelry these inmates are carting around.
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 Studio: New Sensations
Director: Nic Andrews
Cast: Sunny Lane, Barrett Blade, Dillon, Monica Mayhem, Evan Stone, Destiny Deville, Karina Kay, August, Kirsten Price, David Crawford, Tommy Gunn, Tyler Durden, Ron Jeremy, Chris Webber.
Dark Angels 2 disappoints in just the place I expected it wouldn't, but is a solid contender everywhere else.
This vampire hunter sequel attempts to get out of Sunny Lane's way, but keeps crashing into her like its climactic and much-ballyhooed SUV rollover scene. Barrett Blade, as musclebound ex-LA cop and bane of the undead Jack Cross, appears more ripped as the movie progresses, probably hitting the weights between scenes out of frustration that Lane delivers lines like the blood is slowly draining from her.
At one point Blade, who carries the movie, observes that Lane looks tired. I'm sure that was improvised.
Lane is beautiful and virginal, picture-perfect as the innocent vessel of the "pure" blood a team of vampires crave, but though she has ample opportunity to just act - even a little - she keeps blowing it. Only a skinned-knee sex scene atop a dusty Mustang allows Lane to redeem this performance.
With a budget big enough for helicopter shots and porn-specific and not-overindulgent cinematography, director Nic Andrews doesn't squander the talent of his female cast, especially supporting players like Monica Mayhem and Karina Kay, who each deliver spectacularly in the small amount of screen time they're given.
Saddled with lines like, "Our existence is what we are," Dillon as vampire boss Draken has a tough time in a performance that doesn't allow for much variety. Even sidekick Evan Stone doesn't get to shine (he does get to fuck Mayhem, so don't feel bad for him). Tyler Durden as Lane's loser boyfriend also gets to chew a little scenery as a louse.
Evan Stone and Monica Mayhem have vampire sex, but his cum is normal. This defies my knowledge of vampire lore that I spent so much time attaining during my CSUN Associates program.
From a hype:payoff standpoint, however, Dark Angels 2 delivers the best bang of the year. Though there are no exemplary sex scenes, each looks good. Though the effects are a little tacky, they are not spectacularly so. It doesn't forget it's a porn movie, but it does forget, and often, that top-billed female talent should be right for the role. Lane was miscast.
Comparisons to Catherine and Pirates are numerous (there are skeletons, for example), but I'll save those for later.
The ending leaves room for a sequel, but until then, remember that "the world you live in is a sugar-coated topping. The real world - the world underneath - is a world of chaos, darkness, and vampires."
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 Studio: Nectar
Director: Damien Rossi
Cast: Taylor Rain, Cherokee, Alexis Malone, Dominica Leoni, Vanessa Lane, Texas
Impressively photographed and boasting a NIN-style soundtrack, Evil Bitches is visually impressive if not narratively up to par.
You might say, "Gram, you are my best friend and you've saved my life in the jungles and on the veldt, that time. But why should a gonzo/wall-to-wall movie be required to be narratively interesting?"
Well, Pandit, I'll tell you, using Taylor Rain's scene with a Rutger Hauer-looking guy as an example.
Rain walks into the scene to the accompaniment of a badass-first person shooter viodeogame soundtrack. Quick, anachronistic editing has her all over the room in various stages of undress, approaching a man lying on a table, alone, in a chair, crawling toward the camera, etc. While some might find this interesting who are doing other things, like washing dishes or doing rails of a stripper's taint, people who might be paying attention grow quickly disoriented. The music runs out and Rain and the Hitchhiker get down to it. At that point the shooting is fairly straightforward.
So what I'm saying is that the lead-ins take the role normally occupied by dialogue scenes, but there's no way to skip through them.
Nearly-translucent Dominica Leoni is up next. She reminds me of Liliane Tiger and the women cast by various Euro-friendly directors (like Michael Ninn) except that, unlike Catherine, Rossi's movie is generous, once the scene begins in earnest, with long, slow shots. It turns out Leoni is also European. I am a superficial person for not paying attention to her voice.
Tattooed and voluptuous Texas executes a quick solo scene with a glass dildo, making me wish I could employ her to wash my windows, and she is followed by Cherokee, similar in build and slightly oiled.
Still, why are these women evil? How are they bitches? Each of these women only pay lip service - literally - to evilness and bitchitude.None of the guys involved has yet not fucked any one of them.
Alexis Malone, made up like a Flock of Seagulls, begins her scene, as did Rain and Cherokee, at a crawl. It might be the eye shadow, but she looks a little bored.
Only Vanessa Lane, in the final scene, really sells the idea of evil bitch. She has a black widow look about her and sucks cock like a champ (she knows you should never stop paying attention to it). Much as this reviewer likes the heavier girls, Lane's catlike moves and her enthusiasm stole this show.
If Evil Bitches was playing in the background of a party, it would be great eye candy until the last scene, when your guests would just shut. the fuck. up.
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 Studio: DVSX
Director: Constance L and Caren Capo
Cast: Kelly Wells, Rebecca Love, Lexxi Tyler, Katrina Kraven, Jordan Styles, Jersey Jaxin
Constance (Konnie) Le and Caren Capo are the title characters of Cam Girls P.O.V. but they are barely seen in this vignette film with short biographical setups of six starlets that lead into point-of-view sex scenes. The voiceover narration doesn't work too well (like it didn't in Blade Runner), delivered by Capo in a vaguely sullen-girfriend voice that would be detrimental if this weren't a porn DVD with fast-forwarding technology built in by the fine authoring department at DVSX.
The first scene features Katrina Kraven, looking a little dangerous and a little gone to seed in the best way possible. Editing by Guy Capo keeps the standard action interesting as Kraven serpentines around scene partner Kris Slater. A pink-nailed Cam Girl hand enters the frame now and then to provide optimal cock positioning. Kraven's nipples point frankly.
Next up is Jeneveve Jolie, a bad girl who looks wholesome compared to Kraven. She accepts her assignment gamely, with a smile on her face and on a brown felt couch. Jolie's scene with Cheyne Collins contains something about porn movies (and, often, life) which I don't like: the lingering post-ejaculatory penis handling. "Get away from me now," I think, my testicles receding. "I want to be alone."
Pale Jordan Styles gets a Cam Girl tit-slapping as she is fucked by Chris Cannon on a rough-looking San Fernando Valley beige carpet. As the movie unfolds, the Cam Girls serve as both a Greek Chorus and as parts-wranglers. In Styles' scene, one of the Cam Girls (I think it's Konnie this time; I recognize her knees) does her best to keep Jordan's hair off her face. That's fuckin' teamwork.
Spinner Jersey Jaxin is utilized to the best of her abilities in her scene. A current trend for the shorter girls is to be paired with a much larger guy (in this case, Derrick Pierce) from whom they can dangle in a standing 69. Nice. Jaxin wears pink eye shadow and a clit ring to underscore the fact that, though she is diminutive, she is not a 12-year-old boy.
After the Ally McBealitude of Jaxin, it is a welcome change for those of us who groove on more voluptuous women to see Rebecca Love and Lexxi Tyler in a girl/girl scene. These girls are hot on their own but there are no visible sparks. It would be fun to see them tearing it up like Springer guests, though Love's chainlink belt is some consolation.
The final scene features Kelly Wells, porn's current pointy It Girl. Other reviewers on this site love Wells and her extreme tendencies; I think she hearkens back to a pantsuited pill-popper from Valley of the Dolls. Still, she has spirit.
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Studio: Metro/Cal Vista
