Studio: DVSX
Director: Constance L and Caren Capo
Cast: Kelly Wells, Rebecca Love, Lexxi Tyler, Katrina Kraven, Jordan Styles, Jersey Jaxin

Constance (Konnie) Le and Caren Capo are the title characters of Cam Girls P.O.V. but they are barely seen in this vignette film with short biographical setups of six starlets that lead into point-of-view sex scenes. The voiceover narration doesn't work too well (like it didn't in Blade Runner), delivered by Capo in a vaguely sullen-girfriend voice that would be detrimental if this weren't a porn DVD with fast-forwarding technology built in by the fine authoring department at DVSX.

The first scene features Katrina Kraven, looking a little dangerous and a little gone to seed in the best way possible. Editing by Guy Capo keeps the standard action interesting as Kraven serpentines around scene partner Kris Slater. A pink-nailed Cam Girl hand enters the frame now and then to provide optimal cock positioning. Kraven's nipples point frankly.

Next up is Jeneveve Jolie, a bad girl who looks wholesome compared to Kraven. She accepts her assignment gamely, with a smile on her face and on a brown felt couch. Jolie's scene with Cheyne Collins contains something about porn movies (and, often, life) which I don't like: the lingering post-ejaculatory penis handling. "Get away from me now," I think, my testicles receding. "I want to be alone."

Pale Jordan Styles gets a Cam Girl tit-slapping as she is fucked by Chris Cannon on a rough-looking San Fernando Valley beige carpet. As the movie unfolds, the Cam Girls serve as both a Greek Chorus and as parts-wranglers. In Styles' scene, one of the Cam Girls (I think it's Konnie this time; I recognize her knees) does her best to keep Jordan's hair off her face. That's fuckin' teamwork.

Spinner Jersey Jaxin is utilized to the best of her abilities in her scene. A current trend for the shorter girls is to be paired with a much larger guy (in this case, Derrick Pierce) from whom they can dangle in a standing 69. Nice. Jaxin wears pink eye shadow and a clit ring to underscore the fact that, though she is diminutive, she is not a 12-year-old boy.

After the Ally McBealitude of Jaxin, it is a welcome change for those of us who groove on more voluptuous women to see Rebecca Love and Lexxi Tyler in a girl/girl scene. These girls are hot on their own but there are no visible sparks. It would be fun to see them tearing it up like Springer guests, though Love's chainlink belt is some consolation.

The final scene features Kelly Wells, porn's current pointy It Girl. Other reviewers on this site love Wells and her extreme tendencies; I think she hearkens back to a pantsuited pill-popper from Valley of the Dolls. Still, she has spirit.

Studio: Evolution Erotica/Ivan's Slut-o-Rama
Director: Ivan
Cast: Kami Andrews (credited as Salome), Gia Paloma, Isabel Ice, Kat, Kelly Wells

"You're probably asking yourself, 'What do I, an ignorant, slutty porn chick, have to do to stop my life of drugs and asshole stretching?'" asks Kami Andrews in Texas' Asshole Massacre. Andrews plays Texas, the head of a company designed to turn adult actresses into "real" actresses. Texas offers to house, clothe, and feed with chili any girl who joins her agency.

But, like so many institutions that purport to do good, Texas' Hollywood's Official Starlets (HOS) is riddled with corruption and functionaries bent on taking advantage of the starlets who seek help, goading them into sex. I would not like to believe the same thing of the AARP.

Creating a porn comedy is a tough job. The cast needs to stop being goal-oriented for just long enough to tell the joke without looking at the camera and licking their lips. And entertaining dialogue should always be a nice surprise, scripted or not, rather than the raison d'etre of the movie. Otherwise I purchased my home's heavy draperies for nothing; there would be no reason to close them.

Texas' Asshole Massacre is nominated for AVN's Best Sex Comedy award and Andrews for Best Actress-Video. She's a contender. It's amazing how self-conscious people who fuck on film for a living can be when delivering dialogue, but Andrews is a, er, ham when cradling a four-foot double dong like a child.

"People have seen a lot of me already," Andrews told me. "I think there are only about two inches of my colon undocumented on film."

As the porn-girls-as-food narrative unfolds, Andrews steals the show, with Gia Paloma and Isabel Ice providing snatched-from-the-headlines scenes of adult biz victimhood. It's funny because it's true! But the best scenes are when the porn and the comedy aren't mutually exclusive. For some reason, an actor called Dirty Harry appears as a crazed Vietnam vet. If the choice were mine, I would say more Isabel Ice eating chili naked, less Dirty Harry having flashbacks.

Alas, the only starlet ready for prime-time in Texas' Asshole Massacre is Andrews. She would also be a big hit as Sassy Waitress on "Gilmore Girls". The consolation is that, because it is a porn movie, there is a lot of filthy sex in it.