Studio: VCA Excessive
Director: Martin Del Toro
Cast: Austin Kincaid, Courtney Simpson, Monica Mayhem, Stephanie Trip, Shy Love, Sascha

"Hell has never been hotter," claims the boxcover of Cum Greed, and that left me to wonder about the immortal souls of the cast. Greed, after all, is one of the seven deadly sins, even if it is greed for cum.

Here's what Austin Kincaid, et al have in store for them for their cum covetousness, according to the website Deadly Sins:

"You'll be boiled alive in oil. Bear in mind that it's the finest, most luxurious boiling oil that money can buy, but it's still boiling."

The story goes like this: Kincaid is some kind of hypnotist who keeps various starlets in her thrall. They do anything she tells them to do. They are littered around her house, waiting to be woken up and pressed into service.

The first of these sex puppets is former CFO Shy Love, who is led to a double penetration which she accepts willingly. After the loving, Kincaid makes Love and her successors share the cum they have earned. I have never understood hypnotists.

The subsequent scenes increase in heat and participants. The most satisfying moments are when Kincaid wakes up her subjects, each of whom is found sprawled somewhere in the house like a prize in a video game.

Cum Greed is a good example of what a little money can buy, or at least the impression that there was a budget at all can buy. The girls are well lit, the porn house is beautiful, and director Martin Del Toro only wastes a little time coaxing the standard-issue pseudo philosophical porn dialogue out of Kincaid.

"What is darkness without light?" she asks us. "What is sharing without greed?" blah blah blah. Let's just see the zombies.

Monica Mayhem stands out as the movie's gigawatt porn star; she takes her pop shot with two spiked heels in her mouth. Rarr.

Though the box promises us someone named Sascha but the movie gives us someone named Sophia, each girl's performance is hot like fire, whatever her name is, so Cum Greed is not a work of sloth.

Labels: Austin Kincaid, Courtney Simpson, Monica Mayhem, Shy Love, Stephanie Trip

Studio: Lethal Hardcore
Director: Stoney Curtis
Cast: Destiny, Annie Cruz, Seana, Bailey, Julie Robbins

"My pretty little pussy stays hot just about all the time," claims Julie Robbins at the beginning of Butt Busters 2. "It's an awesome little fuckhole; almost as good as my ass. Isn't it hot?"

Come on, man! Why put me on the spot? That's like a comedian asking, "Aren't my jokes funny?"

Azz I've come to understand, the Lethal Hardcore model involves direct address to the audience and a heightened sense of drama. This is clear from backstage footage, where an actress acts like any porn chick one might meet at Koo Koo Roo. In a scene, however (and before anyone else appears in it) she's all about the nipple self-licking and the vocal fry.

A reader asks: "If someone did that to you in person, you're saying you'd kick her out?"

No, but I would ask her, gently, to get on with it. (I am no cad.)

The Lethal Hardcore line seems to suffer from a lack of understanding of the Big Picture, as evidenced last week by Tommy Gunn referring to the film he was in by the wrong title. This week, Annie Cruz (wearing starry black boots and a belly chain - classy)waited for her butt busting to begin when her scene partner said, "Here comes the Ass Buster."

He might have meant, "Here comes the ass, Buster," where he referred to himself as Buster, finding it necessary to carry on an interior monologue, but I don't think so.

"The ass is so much pleasurable," says full-figured Bailey later. Bailey has long streaks in her hair, and I found myself glad that she hadn't been appropriated by Sausalito Wiccans instead of porn. She could have gone either way. She looks like the hot girl at the Ren Faire.

I guess the big news of this movie is that it is Destiny's first on-screen anal scene. This was my favorite scene because, in general, Destiny was non-commital to the standard dialogue. The final scene was the Finn Seana (Sanna?), who also didn't have the standard rap down, for which I am grateful.

Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Robby D.
Cast: Tera Patrick, Rocki Roads, Nikki Benz, Kellie Tyler, Melanie Jagger, Sandra Romain, Randi Wright

Watching archival footage of current and former pornstars, which is what the Tera Patrick and Rocki Roads segments of Jack's Playground 25 consists of, makes me feel like I have stumbled into a temporal anomaly. They might still be young and pliant, but I can't shake the feeling, since both their scenes (Tera's in Budapest, Rocki's in a barn) are a few years old, that both actresses are actually wizened crones somewhere. You know, like Helen Mirren in Excalibur.

Causing further distress is the sight of Nikki Benz in a string bikini doing the Lucite-heeled Porn Walk (camera at ass level as it tracks her up the stairs). Benz looks like she is about to fly into bits, as five separate parts of her anatomy move in opposite directions.

It is hard to make sense of Jack's Playground, since scenes not shot for the series were mixed in with scenes that were, and still other scenes seemed like they might not have made the cut for yet a third movie.

I don't know - that might be part of the charm.

There is also a casual mean-spiritedness that betrays old Digital Playground feuds. Again, this might seem appealing to insiders, but what purpose is served in calling Melanie Jagger a pig? That editor/MC Cousin Nick P. needed to intrude as much as he did underlined the the lack of worthwhile action.

It is fun seeing Tera in her pre-boob-job days (appearing with, the caption needlessly points out, "a couple of Euro fags") and the Rocki Roads scene, looking a lot like an old Anna Nicole Smith Playboy video pictorial, is a nice piece of history (and ass - I forgot to mention a nice piece of ass).