Studio: VCA Excessive
Director: Mr. Pete
Cast: Liliane Tiger, Angel Dark, Sandra Romaine, Sharka Blue, Janet Alfano, Isabel

What is the difference between being fucked in the ass and being fukt in the ass? Or the azz, for that matter? I popped Ass Fukt in my DVD player to find out. This is what I learned.

Mr. Pete's recent trip to Prague yielded several fleshy Eurohotties, on whom every spank mark showed up vividly. An excellent photo montage at the beginning promised better editing than what came later in the movie, which was characterized by ponderous closeups, zooms, and intro/teases that made me glad of chapter skip technology.

But as with Platinum X's Intensities in 10 Cities line, I always feel a little bit better educated when I watch the foreign talent. There are fewer fake breasts and less of an awareness that the cast is slightly drug-addled. That the talent seems more businesslike is compensated for by the fact that very rarely does one see Czech actresses looking directly at the camera, which is always kind of a pain in the ass.

Cover girl Liliane Tiger (pubic area piercings: six) was the most fun to look at, but the Best Effort award goes to the culminating three-way scene with Janet Alfano, Isabel and some guy in a bandana.

Studio: Platinum X
Director: Brandon Iron
Cast: Alektra, Delilah Strong, Chrissy Katrice, Natalie Knoxxx, Mandingo (and 64 sperm donors)

Offstage Voice: Are you ready for The Dozen?
Alektra: Bring 'em on!

It would require actual research and scholarship on my part to make sure, but I am guessing that the Baker's Dozen series has always featured a starlet getting ready for a 12 person-bukkake by starting off slow, just fucking one person and giving him her undivided attention. This installment starts with Alektra, who is one of my favorite people simply because she doesn't wear high heels.

Alektra's scene is in a delightful T-roofed chalet, bringing the point home once again that I need to make more money. As the anonymous bukkakistos arrive for their big break, it is slightly distracting to see guys whose turn hasn't come up yet vaguely masturbating in the near distance, as I imagine the office workers in the complex next to mine are doing when I view my weekly porn review copies.

Watching bukkake videos always creates in the viewer a sense of distraction, so I found myself monitoring a particularly busy guy in the background of Alektra's scene who would occasionally slap her ass or move the couch. I hope he got paid more.

Similarly distracting is any scene with Mandingo. Delilah Strong might be a size 18 in real life (she isn't-she can fit on a postage stamp), but Mandingo looks like he's performing a spinal transplant on her, by way of her perineum. The normal size envy that sometimes torments viewers of full-on porn stars goes right out the window when Mandingo is in a scene, because I, for one, just think "he looks like he was created in a weapons lab."

One of the interesting aspects of the Baker's Dozen series is the reveal, when the camera pulls back or goes to the side and the audience is confronted with six guys here or 12 guys there who are working themselves up. In Strong's case, some came in theough the hallway and some were waiting out on the patio. I assume that in earlier incarnations of the series there were introductions all around, but the evolution of the line requires the girl to just get right into it, which Delilah does.

One necessity of bukkake videos is that the talent be game. Both Alektra and Strong look like fun girls who just happened to have a bukkake happen to them (although Strong and Chrissy Katrice break the ancient bukkake code by actually getting fucked by a couple of their 12, thus dishonoring the tradition and their ancestors). Katrice, who enters her scene at a crawl, looks less wholesome than her two predecessors, and gives a performance that might be more appealing to fans who prefer their talent looking a little more oblivious.

Also included on this disc is a scrapped scene with Natalie Knoxxx, who showed up in Porn Valley and just as quickly disappeared. She looked like she was making some serious decisions as the cum began to fly faceward, and Baker's Dozen #5 is as good a record as any of why some people are made for porn and others aren't.

Studio: Lethal Hardcore
Director: Stoney Curtis
Cast: Alexis Silver, Isabella Luv/Stanza, Nikki Nieves, Anastazia, Victoria Sweet

What makes these Latinas lethal? Is it that Alexis Silver has a British accent and the English are capable of great evil? Is it that a woman is credited as Isabella Luv on the box and Isabella Stanza in the credits? Is it that Nikki Nievez gets a pop shot across her cheek, looks at the camera, and says, "Leche"?

I don't know why that would make them lethal, either, but one thing for sure is that there is a lot of breaking the fourth wall in this film, which some people find artful and intriguing. Alexis Silver, who is caught smoking a cigarette in the garden in the opening scene, at one point pauses between throttling two cocks and addresses us, saying, "I'm enjoying this so far."

Later on, Victoria Sweet explains that she is a lethal Latina because "this pussy's lethal." The guy she does her scene with, wearing sunglasses indoors (I'm assuming it is Corey Hart in a Mexican/Canadian cultural exchange) was not immediately killed by her pussy.

Anastazia has the classic beauty of any pioneer Mexican woman you might see in a grainy portrait hanging on the wall of El Cholo, but is a very dirty girl. She waits until the end of her scene to ask, "Do you like to seee my Latin pussy get fucked?" Yes, but why ask permission now?

The sweatiest scene is between Lee Stone and Isabella Stanza/Luv. He refers to her as a "luscious Latina"--probably what the film was called at the time--and she asks, "Is that what I am today?"

The final scene is reserved for Nievez who has the face of a Cuban Belladonna. It is her first on-camera anal, and the pop shot flies past her face.

My favorite scenes were, as usual, the behind the scenes footage, in which the cast is exponentially more sexy than when they were trying to be.

By the way, here is a recipe for panocha.