Studio: Nectar
Director: Eric Avalon
Cast: Pietra, Morgana, Suzana Scott, Claudia Bella, Priscilla Gaucha

I've never seen anything by Eric Avalon or executive producer Marty Zion, but I have been to Brazil, where Exxxstasy Island was shot, and this film is surely a love letter to that place, with nary a tranny or underage porn-shooting prostitute in sight.

Exxxstasy Island plays like a long ad for a product that never reveals itself, and it is a beautifully shot, no nonsense production that is perfect for couples or arch gay men who could keep it as a scholarly study of attractive breeders.

The film really is eye candy for people who like their porn that way.

Studio: Ebony/Celestial Productions/Lethal Hardcore
Director: Dust
Cast: Kandi Kream, Chyanne, Beauty, Jersey Montana

When my injunction clears with that other awards show sponsored by the Recording Industry of America, I will offer Phat Buttz Drain My Nutz the honor for Title of the Year. It's just honest. In fact, I think I'm going to change my cash machine code to PBDMN1.

Starting with Chyanne, each starlet featured in this wall-to-wall release does that thing where, from a stationery position, she jiggles her ass cheeks independently of each other. This I find mesmerizing.

This movie delivered on its promise in four workmanlike scenes with nothing fancy except some exceedingly phat buttz. There is no soundtrack but bodies slappin'. No personal trainers were hired and it didn't look like there were any long conversations between the cast and director Dust about motivation.

Studio: VCA
Director: Joe Gallant
Cast: Angel Baby, Tatiana Stone, Heather Pink, Jennifer Steele, Montana Gunn, Nikki Blaze

Carnivorous New York City publicity company/coven UltraVixens aims to sign clients by (ahem) squirting a mind-altering elixir into a cocktail glass. Several scenes of grungy sex with brick shithouse Manhattan tartlets (east coast porn chicks look dangerously careworn in a different, more appealing way than their Porn Valley counterparts) are interrupted by self-conscious editing, superfluous, poorly-delivered dialogue, and a plot that could have been explained in much less time, if any plot was necessary.

It's not that the cast can't act (well, it kind of is), it's that they shouldn't have had to. Gallant squanders the capital he received for guerilla filming in Manhattan (the UltraVixens are seen for five seconds emerging topless onto 8th Avenue and West 46th Street in their Uggs and thongs) by trying to stick his unfinished screenplay in there. And making porn girls read long passages of David Lynch-lite dialogue in your movie isn't really playing to anyone's strengths.

Skip the dialogue scenes and you'll be very happy.