Studio: SkinTight Pictures
Director: Gen Padova
Cast: Padova, Krysta-Lynn Lovely, Anita Blue, Erika Kole

When Padova is dumped by her boyfriend for not being able to pay his rent, she promises to sell crack to Gia Paloma and Genesis Sky to purchase new rims so he won't be sitting on 17s anymore. "We'll get you dubs and nitrous - we'll make that car go fast" she pleads, but it is all for nought. She is a Butt'er Face and she will never get a high-paying porn contract.

The camera pans to the right side of the bed and there is revealed Sergio, who has taken away her boyfriend's affections.

Padova is forced to audition for a skanky agent who is casting a study of how women's psyches are affected by their environment. The film is called "Piss Brooms" and Padova will do anything to get it - brown showers, bestiality, Dave Pounder, anything.

She doesn't get the movie, so she decides to shoot one herself.

Revenge of the Butt'er Face is a very funny Inside Porn movie. When Padova resorts to paying for sex, her prospective partner is angry because the piggybank is worth more than the money in it. "There's only pennies in here," he says, "and you broke the cat."

That the movie goes through four or five scenes before any sex happens is fine, because the sex itself isn't important. Butt'er Face Gen finally succeeds in getting three hot girls to fuck on film, but she is still reduced to crashing someone else's pool by the end of the movie, when Revenge of the Butt'er Face doesn't make $40 million and her boyfriend's head is amputated.

It is sad, really, that the whole porn thing didn't work out.

Studio: 1st Strike
Director: The Kerkoves
Cast: Audrey Hollander, Bridgette Kerkove, Mandy Bright, Britney Madison, Bianca Pureheart, Brandi Lyons

1st Strike makes movies that are the equivalent of the rain-bloated dirty magazines everyone found behind his junior high school as a kid. No one ever fell in love with the girls in those magazines, and I've developed a theory that the farther away from your dad's/uncles/older brother's porn stash you got, the scarier the sex became.

It was always Playboys and Penthouses under the bed where I grew up, but you'd have to go to the burned out apartment building up the street to find the Hustlers, and into the woods to find the really "these girls don't feel pretty" stuff.

Built for Filth opens with Bridgette Kerkove and Audrey Hollander on a bed, playing with butt plugs. Neither looks wholesome, And the stock grimaces and porn sneers look frightening.

In movies like this, I always like to find some humanity in the BTS section.

"Man, I swear my ass just swallows cock. I love it," says Audrey Hollander frankly in Behind the Scenes footage, and that's all I need. That sort of introspection makes me feel better.

I'm left to think about what went so wrong in the Kerkove household, why Audrey is on the box if Bridgette is given top billing, and why Britney Madison is wearing leather, fishnets, and a butt plug by the pool.

Studio: Digital Playground
Director: Celeste
Cast: Jesse Jane, Sophia Santi, Jenavieve Jolie, Rita Faltoyano, Jada Fires, Jelena Jensen

When the opening credits end and the Playboy TV soundtrack begins, revealing Jesse Jane and Evan Stone lounging by a hilltop Valley pool, the first thought that comes to mind is, "Will she really apply suntan lotion effectively, or will it be a half-assed job?"

The attention to detail director Celeste pays to lighting this pinup picture is effective, and I could be missing the point but there is no way an audience member might be left to worry that Jane's UV protection was anything short of excellent.

This is a pretty-girl picture, as the title suggests, but the elevator soundtrack and lack of dialogue make it perfect to have on in the background - muted - during gardening time or anytime!

Sophia Santi made this film back when she was Natalia Cruze but she adopted her new name, and a Digital Playground contract, prior to Posh Kitten's release.

A recent showing of Posh Kitten at the Los Angeles Veterans' Hospital resulted in mixed reviews.

World War II veterans who remember pinups might have a problem with Jane's and Santi's tattoes and machine-crafted parts, but they will feel right at home with Jenavieve Jolie as well as Rita Faltoyano's mole.

Studio: VCA
Director: Eon McKai
Cast: Zoe Matthews, Yumy, Deja Daire, Justine Joli, Jezebelle Bond, Jade Starr

Deja Daire opens the show, sitting on a couch with a torn camisole and a bloody nose. Maybe she's pondering a life ill-spent. We have the opportunity to ponder with her while James Deen fucks her in front of a picture of Our Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane. This is the scene Eon McKai said would send him to Hell. Maybe he knows something we don't. Next, Yumy pays homage to Japanimation by getting fingered through her underpants by tatted Rob Rotten, all the while looking at the camera. It has a wartime whorehouse feel to it that gave me powerful flashbacks. By now I resigned myself to the fact that Kill Girl Kill 2 would err on the side of style. Ballsy as it was to launch the movie with a bloody nose, I would have had her making a nice pitcher of drinks. That is why I don't make big VCA money.

Justine Joli and Jezebelle Bond start the second act with a scene worthy of display on the monitors at Hollywood & Highland. I don't usually like girl/girl scenes much, but this one was a lot of fun to watch, and it was the first scene in the movie where the characters seemed to be having a good time. Maybe it was because they didn't have to worry about reproachful looks from their boyfriends when they got home.

Deen and Zoe Matthews employ found objects like a broom in the next scene, and the attentive, non-fast-forwarding viewer gets to hear Matthews utter lines like, "I've never deep-throated that deep before," fluttering her eyelids like a swimmer who just got a mouthful of ocean. Jade Starr and Justin Syder wrap it up.

This is a good movie to have projected on the wall of your loft space while be-sneakered pale types mill about, which is exactly how I first saw it.

Jon San Nicolas' tartwear was the star of the show, but if this movie were "Abbey Road," Jezebelle Bond did a very disconcerting version of "Her Majesty."