Use Your Allusion Deep Inside - 4 DVD Box Set
Labels: Asia Carrera, Juli Ashton, Savannah, Vanessa Del Rio
Studio: VCA
Director: various
Cast: Asia Carrera, Savannah, Vanessa Del Rio, Juli Ashton
by Gram Ponante.com special correspondent Eddie Adams
Use Your Allusion
Hey, everybody, we’re getting the old band back together, the one that absolutely killed it at the San Fernando Valley Fair in 1980!
In order for this potentially awesome statement to work as an accurate allusion to VCA’s “A Deep Inside 4 Disc Box Set” (a nice little package of smut remembrances of Juli Ashton, Asia Carrera, Savannah and Vanessa Del Rio), at least two belief-suspending non-truths would have to be at play:
1) There would have to be an event called the San Fernando Valley Fair. Sadly, there is not. What might be a nice way for porn folks to play a little Stand the Bottle and
Shoot Out the Star (did the original fair aficionados hire a horny teenager to name all of their tent games?), would, in actuality, be an organizational nightmare (Porn Valley is 345 square miles and six different cities). Besides, another county fair of sorts a few hundred miles up the freeway from Porn Valley has surely provided more folksy corniness than a couple of slack-jawed yokels huffing glue behind the Zipper could ever hope to muster.
2) In re-imagining these four classic beauties as musicians in a rock n’ roll band, it would only be right to designate each of them with an instrument. If I were going for bawdier humor here, I might say something like “get ready for a plethora of skin flute solos,” but I’ll forgo the dick jokes and stick with my rock band allusion. I’m pretty sure this quartet would be unstoppable with Carrera on lead guitar and vocals, Savannah on second axe, Ashton on bass and Del Rio on the skins (another opportunity for boner humor passed up). It puts a whole new spin on your masturbatory tendencies when you imagine them within the hierarchy of a rock band.
This sort of works as an even larger allusion concerning the overarching similarities between rock musicians and porn performers. I mean, at the end of the day, is there
really a discernable difference between carefully crafting a rock n’ roll concept album and getting dick-railed thousands of times through the decade when greed was
good and tanned, muscle bound sportos fucked like their balls were filled with steroids? I just checked with a certified musicologist, and there’s not.
posted by Gram the Man
at
8/27/2008 
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