Porn Valley Observed: Home of Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist

To all the girls I've loved before: Sorry.

As you well know, Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Helipad, Centrifuge, and Rabbit Warren is, well, a rabbit warren of half-to-fully naked barely legal and throaty, experienced women who will do nearly anything to gain fame in the elegant and classy porn world that I rule. Nearly anything.

But an e-mail I received today from an admirer named Mira (reprinted verbatim below), which I had the luck to catch before my jealous spam filter trashed it, has abruptly ended my profligate, seed-sowing lifestyle. I intend to marry Mira and bring her, her dog-shaped tumor and, if need be, her entire family to America from Mother Russia so that she and it might have a better life.

I have annotated the e-mail in an attempt to convey my enthusiasm.

Good Day! You are disturbed by administration of sites
of acquaintances of USA.

Yes. Yes I am. Powerful disturbed!

You are the member of this group.

In fact, my college nickname was "The Member."

One of our members interested in you and we send you the message
delivered from MemberName="MiraOldy"
This WOMAN wishes to get acquainted with you.

And this HUMAN TRIPOD is ready for HER.

There is HER message:

Greetings the stranger, are Written by me to you from the
big country of Russia.

I have been told that, in a big country, dreams stay with you, like a lover's voice 'cross the mountainside. Is this true, Mira? IS THIS TRUE??

I have read your profile, and you
are interesting for me, I see you as a pleasant interlocutor.

Yes. In fact, I starred in Anabolic's "Pleasant Interlocutors" volumes 1 through 7.

I wish to get acquainted with you better and to exchange photos
and not only. I will be very glad if our relations do
not stop on that that we will communicate only on correspondence,
I'll be glad to meet you one day.

I agree. I would like to begin by communicating on correspondence and then communicating all over your face and neck.

I will tell a little bit about myself:
I'm very nice, sociable and cheerful girl.

Good. Not like that Suckable. She broke my heart.

I'm 27 years old, growth 169, my eyes are brown, hair dark, weight of
54 kg, a sports constitution.

I wouldn't have even noticed your growth if it didn't appear to have ears and a nose. And a leash.

I regularly visit fitness the centre

That's excellent! Recently on cable I watched "Superman: The Movie."

...to support the figure both to be in shape and to like men.

I understand. You need to expend extra effort to like men. That's all right. I have converted a number of lesbians in my time. First to Judaism and then to men.

If you are self-assured and trust that can deserve my attention that
write)) we will look that will turn out............)

I am assured that I can turn anybody out............)!

Oh Mira, I really feel a connection here. I'm going to pitch our story to Wicked so that they will create a sensitive, couples'-friendly document of our love.

Other Adventures in Annotation: "You're not one of us."

Labels: russia, spam, verbatim

Everyone needs marketing (and a car) in California, and porn stars are no different. When an adult performer or product has reached critical mass, it is necessary that a publicist be hired to sell him, her, or it within the porn industry.

You might think that the porn industry needn't be alerted, because no one in the porn industry has the need to buy these products, but having a publicist is a status symbol. You might also say that the press releases quoted below might have to be heavily edited before they are published, but that's not the point, either.

The following press releases arrived this week.

Spears' literate screenplay focuses on the story of Tess and Linda, two sisters (both played by Daniels) whose lives couldn't have taken more divergent paths. Tess is shy and demure, and Linda is a rebellious hellion. Yet while their personalities couldn't be more dissimilar, the worlds they inhabit soon become inexorably linked in a web of madness and murder, and ultimately collide in a shocking, wholly unexpected twist ending. For her part, Daniels enthusiastically describes this intricately designed, carefully shaded dual role as having more dramatic depth than anything she's attempted before as a performer.
Being bathed in the adoration of her devoted fans is nothing new or unusual for HellHouse Media's latest contract star Moxxie Maddron. Being bathed in unrelenting sunshine in a lush tropical climate just might be! Nevertheless, the newest addition to the ever growing empire of HellHouse is willing to brave the weather, however warm and lovely it might be, to make her debut appearance for Genesis Magazine at this year's EXXXOTICA Miami show.
It has been one year since Silver Sinema launched it’s highly successful DVD line. Distributed by (PPM) Pure Play Media, the DVD Line has thus far delivered what it promised.
Eli Cross is directing a very unique show for SexZ Pictures specifically designed for contract star Hillary Scott. Legitimate members of the media only are invited to cover this shoot.
By day Tera will man the Teravision booth and will be joined by AVN “Performer of the Year” Sasha Grey, Charmane Star and other sexy stars of Teravision hits like Broken, Teradise Island 2 and XXXBox. In additions to photos, autographs and meeting thousands of fans, Tera will play hostesses to the weekend’s hottest party.
Melrose Avenue in Hollywood has become famous as the place where movie stars and stylish people shop for the latest trendy fashions. April 20, 2008 is date when porn and fashion collide!

Previously: Jameson further distances herself from adult world via spelling; Free to Bree O or E; Gram saves steveporn's credibility

Labels: hype, sic, verbatim