I watched two movies this week that, like peanut butter and chocolate, would have gone great together. The groundbreaking Tranny/Sissy/Dominatrix epic Gia Darling Will Kick Your Ass depicts a series of situations that probably occur more often than you'd think, and the latest porn/wrestling mashup Not Rated Pro Wrestling perhaps happened one time too many, but I will reserve judgment until that fledgling organization finds its footing.
But Tranny Wrestling? Now that would be something.
Read the reviews of Gia Darling Will Kick Your Ass!here and Not Rated Pro Wrestlinghere.
Dear Readers: Not since Transsexual Jerk-offs has there been a porn title that could double as something we might have called each other, devoid of any sexual connotation, in eighth grade.
"What's that transsexual jerk-off doing in my locker?" "Chubby twat's stealing your Megatron poster, dude."
See? Confusing.
Anyway, I was interested to see if this film featured twats that were themselves chubby (which the title implies), or if the chubby women were all twatty. Lucky for you, they are not. They're just hard-working gals trying to catch a break in an unfair world.
Or Sunshine, who made me think of this story. While Sunshine does not seem to be a twat, her attitude about her tremendulous breasts is very casual. I have a feeling that she has ceased to walk anywhere in her neighborhood because she feels bad about the traffic accidents that follow in her path.
Roxie's scene with her therapist is poignant. She is complaining about her husband's negligence.
"What do you think?" she asks in a thick Chicago accent. "Do you think my boobs are too big?"
This is a pretty funny scene. Her uncredited scene partner is an effective straight man, as one must be in the face of such boobs. When the scene takes it inevitable turn toward boundary-crossing behavior, we see why Roxie's husband stopped touching her.
"What are you doing?" she brays at her therapist, who is just trrying to help. "Get it in there."
The scene is also a study in the Chicagoland dialect. Everyone sounds like a cross between Alix Lakehurst and Elwood Blues.
"Put yer caack in me," Roxie says.
"It is our first date," says Ava at the end of the night. "Maybe we should slow things down."
Immediately after, she changes tacks.
"Maybe we should kick it up a notch."
(You know, it is these mixed messages, combined with her revealing outfit, well, you get the picture. I'm just saying. No jury in America. Any man alive. Asking for it, etc.)
If you are looking for these women now (as I would be), you might be out of luck, as the movie was produced in 2006 our of photoshoots for magazines like "Buxotica." Why I just got sent this film now is the real crime.
This movie is actually called XXX Chubby Twats, but I think that the "XXX" isn't necessary when the "Twats" is present, just like the motto of Wellesley College.
What with all the nuisance lawsuits flying around the adult industry these days, along comes Thays Schiavinato, a dead ringer for Charlotte Stokely (except for the penis). Stokely should so sue.
Transsexual Jerk-offs is a movie from Juicy Entertainment. The very title sounds like something a New York City cab driver might say (judges would also have accepted "Transsexual Jagoff"). It's a comforting sign that porn is getting more mainstream every day.TM
Joanne Cachapero, with whom I write a monthly review column for the adult trade magazine XBiz Premiere, walked into my office while this movie was on and said, "Who's the pretty girl?"
"It's a transsexual, Joanne," rolling my eyes like a teenager.
We've seen that Latinas must bear the shame of being called hookers when they are actually escorts, but today we look at an area where Latinas and Latinos have achieved primacy: the world of transsexual porn.
Why is it that Brazilians make up the bulk of the transsexual porn community? I asked International Olympic Committee Chairman Jacques Rogge.
"I don't know," he did not say. "How would I know such a thing?"
"All right," I said. "How come trannies always seem to have tan lines?"
"To make their breasts look bigger?" he didn't suggest.
Brazilian Carla Renata grunts sweet Portuguese nothings to the be-condomed gentleman in the first scene of Double-D Trannies, holding her flaccid penis like a Capri cigarette.
Watch enough tranny movies and you see a pattern: the trannies themselves rarely get off. You'd never know that the percentage of not getting off is much higher for women in straight porn movies, but with trannies that sort of thing is hard to fake. Or soft to fake.
Izabelly Ferraz seems to encounter self-doubt at one point in Scene 2. Where her straight counterpart might say, "Aiii!!" this picture captures her saying, "Aiii?"
In five scenes, only Bianca Andrade and Esmerelda Dias are able to complete the mission. But are they truly happy?
In this movie there is only 40 percent mutual money shots. Can we do better? Si se puede! Or Si nos podemos!
The accepted way for your hi-larious officemate to make fun of a porn movie is to add a ridiculously high number to a wacky title that probably already exists.
"My neighbor's wife should be in My Hot Wife Is Fucking Blackzilla 48," he'll say. You will then check your watch and accurately predict that Blackzilla will work his way up to that number sometime in August.
But now and then a title that is too weird to be fake will show up, and we look around for telltale signs of the Apocalypse: not wishing Clinton was back in office, etc.
The porn industry, as anyone working within it will tell you, does a remarkable job of self-policing. Not only are there mandatory HIV tests, the results of which are available to anyone on set, but also the redundant forms of identity documentation required for 2257 compliance.
Why, then, does no one ever ask a performer in a MILF movie Have you ever given birth to a child?
The last straw came today when a copy of Transsexual MILFS 3 arrived. What they mean to say is Old Trannies, but instead they have sullied the sacred role of porn motherhood by populating a movie teeming with elderly transgendered Brazilian men and calling it a MILF movie.
Now if these men had fathered children at one point, they could have the -ILF ending but a new first letter would have to be applied.
I spoke with Loup Perch-Tounge, chairman of the International Porn Standards Office based in Van Nuys.
"I can assure you that none of these women packs her kids off to school with a nice, hot lunch," he said.
A retarded man is stalking the transgendered prostitutes, or "transvestitutes", of Atlanta and posting YouTube videos of them.
Steve Gower is a director of the Midtown Ponce Security Alliance (MPSA), a member-funded community policing organization that regularly tails prostitutes in this residential section of Atlanta. It is difficult to know who to root for in this video, in which an Elmer Fudd soundalike taunts bedraggled prostitutes clacking up and down the quiet streets of his neighborhood.
The attention Gower pays his quarry and the throbbing house soundtrack accompanying the video indicates an affinity for his subject.
Gower got into the neighborhood watch game when his pot smoking was interrupted by a car theft. He admits that he just wants to shift the prosties a few streets away.
A recent trip to the West of Ireland revealed numerous shrines in the hills with signs reading "God Bless the Travellers", the nomadic band of tinkers and itinerants who live in caravans mostly off of the country's grid.
A recent visit to the lively comments section of Videobox reveals a depth of feeling about transsexuals that made me wonder what would happen if Ireland shipped its traveller population to Brazil and I reland got the trannies.
Read more after the gap.
Videobox members are guaranteed five new porns to download or stream every day, with different subscription plans for different picture quality. What is fascinating is that members do not control what porn is made available, so every now and then in the onslaught of blondes with fake boobs having vaginal sex, a tranny video is thrown in.
Response to tranny videos, strap-on movies, midgets, etc. is mixed, but we'll get to that later.
Can you imagine watching five porn videos a day? Even before my faith guaranteed me three wives legally and spiritually required to have sex with me, I never felt the need to populate the earth that much. I'll say one thing about porn addiction: it's probably good for your Kegels.
So Videobox is like a Secret Santa crossed with the Wine of the Month club: you don't know what you will get. And the members feel compelled to share their feelings.
Of Brazil Bizarro:
I know all that there is to know / About the crying game... Like how FREAKED OUT I AM by a seemingly hot chick with a cock that makes mine look like a mushroom laying on barbershop sweepings.
Better than that same mushroom atop the sweepings of a salmon hatchery, but I get your point.
and
Trannys, grannys, CRAPPYS! This is an adult porn site, not a house of freak, so please, regular male/female movies and everybody will be happy! For God's sakes, you guys think we are all that perverted?! LOL you freaks
Well, yes. You watch five porn videos a day.
Of the redundantly-named (unless I'm missing something) Transsexual SheMale Spectacular 2:
Scary... some of them actually looks like girls. Imagine bringing a girl home from the club and just as you are about to fuck her, she whoops out a fat dick... This vid reminds you to be aware... they're out there.
I've never heard of anyone whooping it out. I guess Geronimo might have whooped it out. But he wasn't a tranny.
and
Ya know I'm starting to think they upload movies like this to make patrons better appreciate the other movies on this site. I know I sure as hell do.
Finally, this heartwarming comment about My Girlfriend's Cock, which highlights the compromise many trannies must make - the nicer a tranny's boobs are, the more his/her schlong merely appears to be along for the ride:
it seems to me there is a basic problem: how do you take hormones to accentuate your femanine side and end up with a dick that is big and cabable of a decent ejaculation which is probably what they would wish for. At any rate, GOD BLESS THEM ALL.
I feel that transsexuals are ageless, that they have walked the earth for millennia and, like energy, are unable to be created or destroyed.
That's why Just Turned 18 And Transsexual poses a dilemma: isn't the process of transsexualizing someone a much longer journey that would require the newborn tranny to be a lot older than 18?
Or are we to assume that -horrors- the soon to be legal trannies were thinking about gender orientation before legal age?
The idea of sexuality before 18 is shocking, and I and other Porn world First Amendment Patriots refuse to believe it.
You would be excused for thinking that someone with the name Kala Prettyman is a tranny, but that is the only thing about the "newish" performer's appearance in Fresh Out the Box 7 that isn't deceptive.
Read more after the break in the HTML continuum.
For one thing, this series, affably directed by Tina Tyler, is for newcomers to porn. Prettyman has been in the business in for more than a year.
And the impression one would get from the gauzy, vaseline-y, finger-in-the-mouth pose on the boxcover does not do justice to the all-natural and unassuming performer who gets all womanly on a couch with Lexington Steele.
Prettyman is hippy and roomy, not in a way that would make Jame Gumb think about where to add zippers, but in a way refreshingly different from most newcomers to porn, who have thighs that Rebecca Gray noted "look like they were scraped out from the inside with an apple peeler."
Prettyman fills a void so cruelly created by Missy Monroe on her departure from porn (though Prettyman seems more stable, not that instability is necessarily bad).
Each of us has acquaintances who don't work for the Porno-Industrial Complex who say pithy things like "So, how do you review a porn movie? 'I came three times'?" and "That guy says he's not gay but he's got a tattooed arrow pointing to his ass?" and I'm all like, "You don't understand."
Another joke that gets old quick is when people make up porn titles and then add episode numbers to them, like "Cock-Crazed Cum Demons #42". ("So what are you reviewing today - 'Cock-Crazed Cum Demons #42'?")
It is only because I am America's Beloved Porn Journalist that I happened on a title - "Cock-Crazed Cum Demons #42" - that hasn't been used (as of this writing). The reason the joke gets old is that in 99 percent of the cases the name someone will invent in derision actually exists.
That brings us, in my classic burying the lede fashion, to today's movie, Transsexual MILFs from Trans Erotica and Juicy Entertainment.
Of course the theory of evolution demanded this title happen eventually, but it still caught me off guard. Unfortunately, the International MILF Registry cannot give this title its seal of approval because not a single one of these transsexuals is a mom and I don't want to fuck any of them, despite the resemblance of the tranny above to Tyler Faith. Not that they are not attractive and sexy, but where would I put it? (My knowledge of anatomy is limited.)
My experience with tranny movies is limited (though I just reviewed Buckback Mountain with Joanne Cachapero in this month's XBizVideo), but I feel comfortable saying that a quick scan of this movie revealed couples who were into the action.
Some transsexual movies I've seen that are geared to "straight" audiences feature people who just don't look like they want to be there (you can see it in their eyes, as well as southward). This movie seemed a little more "gay" in orientation - there was no self-consciousness and the editor slowed down the money shots, which is a gay staple.
Transgender activist and TV host Kitty Kastro (aka Nadia Cabezas), who died when hit by a car March 5, will be memorialized tomorrow at 2 p.m. at St. Anthony's Foundation, 121 Golden Gate Avenue in San Francisco.
Kastro, 40, was the host of San Francisco's "Tranny Talk", a cable access show that ran on and off for eight years. She was stopped on a soft shoulder on a highway in Indiana, traveling cross-country with her mother after her grandmother's funeral, when she was struck by the vehicle of an unlicensed, uninsured septuagenarian man who had drifted off the road while eating.
"Tranny Talk" was hailed as the country's first "serious" show dealing with transsexual isssues. Kastro interviewed police chiefs, children of transsexuals, and people on the street, often asking them what the difference between a transvestite and a transsexual was.
Bay Area Reporter columnist Gwen Smith said she and Kastro did not get along, that Kastro was "difficult" (a quick web search revealed that Kastro could be a polarizing personality) but paid the following tribute:
Yet I also know one thing: in spite of any of that, sometimes you need those who are bold, and brash, and difficult. Not everything can be done in your best suit dress, playing nice for lawmakers and others. Sometimes you have to be big, sometimes you are simply not going to move forward any other way.
Kastro is survived by her partner, Dina Boyer, who is the producer of "Tranny Talk", as well as her mother.
As you well know, Gram Ponante.com is legendary (even in Hell) for its top notch Cenobite/ladyboy coverage. Who would have thought these diverse but wholesome species could ever come together?
Platinum Blue's Ladyboys in Latex seamlessly bridges the gap between Thailand's most famous export and the Lament Configuration, revealing that it is not hormones that call us; it is desire.
Man-with-a-Pussy Buck (no relation to Joanna) Angel, or M-WAP as he is known to the US Army, won Transsexual Performer of the Year at this year's AVN Awards. Here he is with Michelle Aston.
(Buck is on the left.)
Like Bryn Pryor winning Best Non-Sex Performance for his role in Corruption (these awards are usually given for comic cameos, but Pryor actually acted), Angel re-defined his award category by being the only female-to-male transsexual in a group previously made up of performers who'd gone the other way.
"Maybe they should create a category just for me," Angel said. Greedy bastard. You've got a pussy already - do you want the world?
See both Buck and Joanna Angel as well as other attendees of this year's AVN Expo and Awards here.
Allanah Starr shoots the person to your right, starts website
As you are well aware, GramPonante.com is your megasite for Transsexuals as well as "Facts of Life" fan fiction. That is why it should be no surprise that you are reading about Allanah Starr's TranSexDomination site for the first time right here!
"There has never been a catch-all site for transsexual domination content," Starr told me, "and I pull together a lot of the better content in the world and add it to my own."
Starr was born in Cuba and now lives in New York. She also owns the site SheMaleExotica. She assured me that transsexuals are not UFOs.
TranSexDomination features "only transsexual dominas in solo, hardcore and kick ass domination scenes, plus galleries tailored to those interested in specific fetishes ranging from foot play, stockings, showers, bod worship, nipple play and smoking to bondage, long finger nails, cum shots and more!" shouted the press release (the media kit included a copy of Post-op Priscilla, Queen of the Rectovaginal Fistula).
If you or someone you love are abducted by a transsexual, experts suggest taking a souvenir to prove their existence to skeptics. Wait, that's still UFOs. Forget it.
I was driving through North Hollywood the other day when I felt the need to stop my car.
"Porn is happening somewhere near here!" I cried, and got out. Moments later I found myself knocking at the door of a second floor apartment, in a well-kept complex arranged around a swimming pool in a residential neighborhood.
I had been given the address by Jason Sechrest, kabbalah-soaked publicist for the transsexual performer Allanah Starr.
Behind the door I heard a male voice.
"Dude with a package," he said. I am often mistaken for talent, despite my lack of charisma.
A naked woman answered the door, opening it just enough.
"I'm here for the shoot," I said.
"Downstairs," she said, and closed the door in my face.
I walked downstairs to another apartment. I knocked and the door opened, revealing a purple room festooned with bondage equipment. Perched atop a little cage in the middle of the room was Allanah Starr, but the door had opened, it seemed, by itself.
"Are transsexuals telekinetic?" I wondered, having not read deeply of the literature.
The door had been opened by Gia Darling (above), the day's other transsexual, and the owner of the company for which Starr would be shooting. Both looked like solid porn girls ready for action. A third person entered the room and I naturally assumed she was a tranny as well. But it was Anita Cannibal.
"Girl, you got to put your face on!" I didn't say, not snapping my fingers in a zigzag fashion. Showing the pictures later, I was surprised that several pornish associates were not able to tell who the genetic female was.
Taking in the scene, I realized I'd never been to a porn set in someone's apartment before. I'd been to offices, hotel rooms, warehouses, industrial spaces, airports, golf courses, churches, lofts, McMansions, real mansions, car washes, and boiler rooms, but never something as normal as an apartment. Further, this apartment, from which I could hear families swimming outside, heedless, was a dungeon.
Awesome. Way to stick it to Westside Rentals.
Allanah Starr is very nice.
"I was born in Cuba," she said (she pronounced it Coo'-ba, so I know it's authentic), "and came to Miami, then New York. I'm just here this week."
Because I am mired in my own laterosexual worldview, I am afraid my questions of Starr sounded naive.
"I can't seem to find a consensus on what a genetic male who dresses and identifies as a woman, who has both a penis and breasts, calls herself," I said, rattling off the terms transsexual, tranny, shemale, T-Girl, and Tom Hanks' character from "Bosom Buddies".
"I call myself a transsexual," Starr said after a little consideration. "The industry term is usually 'she-male'." In fact, Starr's website is called She-Male Exotica.
I asked her if the transsexual porn population was worried about Brazil's status as the Tranny Capital of the World, the way Hollywood is concerned about runaway production to places like Vancouver, and she said she wasn't, but admitted that content is a lot cheaper in Brazil. She hedges her bets by having a lot of Brazilian content on her website.
Starr noted that there wasn't much of a transsexual scene in Southern California. I mentioned that, to the layman, the scene seemd restricted to Santa Monica Blvd. between certain hours of day.
Starr's experience this week will be a little lonelier than that of other adult performers in California from out of town. "When I come here to work," she said, "I do five or six shoots in a week and try to chill out as much as I can, because there isn't very much else to do here."
Starr said that tranny content is usually shelved with gay material, and that stores in general had a hard time classifying transsexual products. I asked her what the optimum conditions would be.
"We need our own category," she said. Not gay, not straight, transcending ethnic boundaries, and with no reliance on midgets.
T-Girls are the new X-Men. Whose side would Magneto be on?
Starr and Darling both described today's scene, filmed as part of Starr's Big Boob Adventures 2, as "campy". Starr played the principal of Darling, who had been caught rendering blowjobs in the school bathroom. At a parent conference, Darling's parents, played by Anita Cannibal and a fellow named Jimbo, offered alternatives to Darling's expulsion.
"Is this your first tranny shoot?" Starr asked me.
"No, my second," I said, thinking of Mya Luanna.
The scene wa different, obviously, for a couple of reasons, but the main one was this: in a straight scene, Starr as the principal would have seduced the parents. In this scene, Jimbo provided the impetus.
"Surely there's a way for our daughter to stay in school," Jimbo said. "You look like you haven't been fucked in a while."
"All right," Starr said to the camera. "I'll try anything once."
Starr removed her top and Jimbo went to work below.
"Oh My God!" Cannibal said. "The principal's got a penis; and my husband likes it!"
This was Starr's first scene with a genetic female, she said.
Cannibal is studying business at CSUN and hopes to go to law school by next fall. She has been in the adult business since 1997, featured in movies like Porn Queen Feet and this year's World's Oldest Gangbang for Metro. She wants to be the first porn star with a law degree, as opposed to the recent trend of lawyers dating porn stars.
...assimilating into the academic realm has proved challenging at several levels. Expectations on the professors at the college of business are sadly unrealistic. It seems the 11 billion dollar a year industry that surrounds them has somehow been ignored as a potential market for graduating students. The industry statistics, finances, marketing force, accounting, and economic impacts are my favorite subject matter in the college of business. Not only is it the same SIC codes as Hollywood but inherent is the challenges of censorship and creative thinking beyond the scope of mainstream studios. Thanks be that most of the professors have allowed me to customize reports my ponofied lexiphile interests.
Jimbo fingered Cannibal's pussy while Cannibal blew Starr, then there was a short break, because the small office set, though credible for an apartment, was also getting hot.
"Bring back the Clam," Darling said of Cannibal.
Today was advertised as Allanah Starr's first DP. I asked how a double pennetration was going to be pulled off, what with Starr being short one of the traditional apertures.
"We're going to improvise today," she said. I got the feeling that, like "transsexual". the double penetration was open to interpretation.
I stayed for about an hour, noting that, for certain reasons, this was the best smelling porn set I'd been on for a long time, as well as a very friendly one.
I walked out of the purple tranny dungeon apartment into the 90 degree October day. It was the fact that it was so goddamn hot in October that I found weird.
I watched two movies this week that, like peanut butter and chocolate, would have gone great together. The groundbreaking Tranny/Sissy/Dominatrix epic Gia Darling Will Kick Your Ass depicts a series of situations that probably occur more often than you'd think, and the latest porn/wrestling mashup Not Rated Pro Wrestling perhaps happened one time too many, but I will reserve judgment until that fledgling organization finds its footing.
