| --Friday, July 25, 2008--
Tera Patrick: Game geek girl
 To her roles as celebrity publisher, honorary fire chief, Kentucky Colonel, and orthodox rabbi can Tera Patrick now add "special producer" to her list of honorific titles.
Patrick has signed on to THQ's "Saints Row 2" for Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 for undisclosed payment and duties. The "Grand Theft Auto"-type game will feature Patrick as a character, and all will be revealed when the title is released in October.
Thanks to Steve Johnson at AVN finishing school G4TV for the link.
Saints Row is not to be confused with Pornsaints.
Previously: Sex workers protest Grand Theft Auto
See also: Saints Row, TeravisionLabels: pornsaints, technology, tera patrick, video games
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, May 21, 2008--
Stoya finds cigarettes, pierogies in Philadelphia
 I like Stoya because she reminds me of an Edward Gorey character with all the working parts Gorey himself wasn't interested in. I also think she has a wonderful face, reminiscent of my Soviet forebears. I have recently begun a Stoya immersion program (it's even better than you think) and talked with her via interweb technology at her home in South Philadelphia.
Gram: Why have you left me?
Stoya: I didn't move to offend you personally. I lived in L.A. for a year a couple of years ago, but I wanted to get back to my friends in Philadelphia. I have locational ADD. If any landlords are watching, I'll probably skip out on you in ten months or so.
 Gram: The Man doesn't read this website; only The People.
Stoya is in the two-disc DVD Cheerleaders. In the first disc she hangs by a locker and listens to the other girls talk dirty. In the second disc she reluctantly agrees to cheat on her boyfriend with Brianna Love and Manuel Ferrara.
Gram: There was some dramatic tension in Cheerleaders that you don't normally see in porn movies. You were what the movie became about.
Stoya: Oh, I'd say Jesse Jane was the star. I think you're biased.
 Gram: Goddamn right I'm biased. But you knew what Jesse Jane would be up to through the whole movie. You had a character arc.
Stoya: Those girls had big breasts.
Gram: That they did. That also set you apart. You worked with the only other woman (Brianna Love) whose breasts wouldn't put out your eye.
 Stoya: I have breasts. They're not humongous but they're fine. They've done fine for me as an adult in her breeding years. But when they sit me next to a girl who's 5'4" and has a couple of Double Ds I feel like a gawky teenager.
Until her wireless signal ran out, Stoya led the computer on a guided tour of her neighborhood.
Gram: Do you eat Philadelphia cheese steaks?
Stoya: No. I'm not in a vegetarian phase right now, but all that meat still makes me sick. I like pierogies. And spinach nuggets.
Gram: What about California? We don't really have pierogies here.
Stoya: Well, I like avocados. In fact, I love avocados.
Gram: I don't suppose you can go to the beach. You look translucent on this Interweb device.
Stoya: I have to cake on a lot of SPF-50. I don't care if I look like a jackass. I just don't want to combust. My mother gave me three rules: As long as you don't chew gum or stick anything in your butt you'll remain a lady. Well, I don't chew gum. Also: Don't use heroin. Check. Finally: Stay out of the sun.
Gram: Prior to becoming Stoya of Digital Playground, what did you do, or has your previous existence been suppressed?
 Stoya: I shot for GodsGirls.com and Razordolls.com, and I was a go-go dancer at clubs. It was like getting paid to work out while drunk. It was the best job. (Photo by Nikola Tamindzic)
Gram: What do you drink?
Stoya: Candy drinks and old man drinks. I like pomegranate schnapps. I could drink a whole bottle. And I used to walk into bars and slap my Marlboro Reds down on the bar and ask for whiskey. The bartender would say, "Really, Little Girl? Are you sure you're not an 80-year-old man?"
Gram: Well are you?
Stoya: Fairly sure.
Gram: Because if you were an 80-year-old man, I'd be asking myself some hard questions. Pirates II just wrapped. I would have gone to the set but only a select few were invited.
Stoya: People talk about how massive an undertaking it was, but I was only there for a few days. I did get fisted by Belladonna, however, which was magical and amazing.
 Gram: In terms of the big Digital Playground movies that are not about pirates, is there a pattern? What's the next logical step in the sequence that goes from Babysitters to Cheerleaders to ... ?
Stoya: They don't tell me because they don't want me leaking it, because I would. I don't know. Librarians?
 Gram: Not that I advocate MySpace (now that I have reached my early 20s I have settled down for a more Facebook sort of life), but is your MySpace blog really yours?
Stoya: At first it wasn't, but now it's all me. Someone was writing it for me. I had to say, "It hurts me to see someone writing with two Ts and eight exclamation points pretending they're me." So I do it now.
Gram: That's greatt!!!!!!!! So, you're staying in Philadelphia between movies?
Stoya: I even got a bus pass here.
Previously: Thomas Aquinas becomes Digital Playground contract saint; Stoya avoids labels; Jenny Hendrix keeps in touch; No Easter for Alix Lakehurst
See also: Stoya, Digital PlaygroundLabels: alcohol, Apple, belladonna, brianna love, Digital Playground, interviews, jesse jane, manuel ferrara, pennsylvania, stoya, technology
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, March 21, 2008--
No Easter for Alix Lakehurst
 Alix Lakehurst is Greek, and lives in Chicago. We talked by computer, the way they do in Space.
One thing about Alix Lakehurst (who interviewed me for Mr. Skin), is that, like Mike Wallace, she conducts her interviews topless. I, on the other hand, wore a full iron diving bell.
I asked what she was doing for Easter, because topless girls in bonnets is a multi-million dollar niche for my Caymans-based affiliate program.
"Greeks don't celebrate Easter until the first Sunday after the first full moon after the equinox," she said. "So it won't be until late April."
"Oh," I said, thinking: What will I do with all this spanikopita?
Previously: Alix Lakehurst: Riding on the Metro; Jenny Hendrix keeps in touch
See also: Alix Lakehurst, Mr. SkinLabels: alix lakehurst, Apple, bbw, chicago, interviews, jesus, technology, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Saturday, March 01, 2008--
Gram finished with MySpace
 I never liked MySpace but I tried to make it work. It was like an arranged marriage by disinterested parents (GramPonante.com is owned by the Republic of China). Sometimes I would make an effort but my interest always waned. So I cancelled my account and that means I'll never be able to see your great klezmer band in Florida. Visit my contact page if you'd like to get in touch with me.
Previously: Dana DeArmond helps topple MySpace
Labels: technology
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, December 06, 2007--
Jenny Hendrix keeps in touch
 Heady with the knowledge that she is about to receive a major award, Jenny Hendrix has four communication devices (other than her mouth) going at any given time.
From my home in Bogue Chitto I contacted Hendrix on our respective MacBooks. She was at LAX getting ready to fly to Pittsburgh for a store signing.
Hendrix uses a T-Mobile account to surf the web at airports.
"So I'm videoconferencing with you now - why do you have three other phones?" I asked.
"One is for my schedule, one is a phone my dad gave me that I use to talk to my family and friends in Florida, and one is an iPhone," she said.
That's right, because it is hard to talk on an iPhone, isn't it? It's like the "i" part is way more useful than the Phone.
"I use the iPhone to sync up my calendar," she said.
The tragedy of porn is not the lives that are consumed in its greed; the tragedy is that young, attractive, and thoughtful people like Jenny Hendrix are forced into lives of servitude to underperforming technology and at least three different cell companies.
But look how she dresses for the plane. That's the future of air travel right there.
Previously: Barely Legal 75: Stacks of nudes spotted in Sunland; Night of 101 Girls "Pleasant"Labels: Apple, interviews, jenny hendrix, technology
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, October 03, 2007--
Wishful thinking ejaculation timelines
 A company is trying to sell me on embedding a Flash player in my site that will show quick video "teases" to draw in customers.
Prior to logging in the user will see short 7 second video clips for 60 seconds. Then they need to log in and have minutes in their account so they can then watch hardcore clips. A great tease, but not enough so your users use it for free to get off. Oh I doubt that. My readers are goal-oriented.Labels: boobs, technology, website
posted by Gram the Man
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--Saturday, July 07, 2007--
Report: Geeks still more trustworthy than Justice Dept.
 You'd think that the Geek Squad wouldn't have to resort to stealing porn since they already get to keep those cool Beetles.
The comments on Consumerist's story about how the Gawker Media website used a program like Remote Desktop or Timbuktu to catch a Geek Squad employee downloading a client's personal photos - that included porn - onto his own hard drive were less about how interesting this story was than they were about how computer technicians stealing or at least snooping on personal files isn't news.
It's like saying "Well of course you got raped...look at what you're eating!"
The Geek Squad tech was supposed to be installing iTunes, which he did, in addition to poking around a folder invitingly titled "Honey Pot". His invoice recommended a memory upgrade (to increase porn transfer speed) and mentioned that the computer needed "protection". You think?
Since I am a Profiler and an Empath, I know that the Geek Squad employee was confident that a person who couldn't even install iTunes would never be able to figure out that his porn was copied.
It's a sad world.
Previously: Hotter than a Balrog
See also: Consumerist catches Geek Squad stealing porn from customer's computerLabels: geekery, legal, technology
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, June 29, 2007--
Jenna Jameson marries iPhone at Mac-Erotica Expo
 ...children to be released on Blu-Ray.
Previously: Gram Ponante launches iLickLabels: Apple, jenna jameson, technology
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, June 28, 2007--
Gram Ponante launches iLick
 LOS ANGELES -- Hot on the heels of Digital Playground and Playboy announcing that the companies had somehow found a way to transfer pornography to Apple's iPhone (due in stores tomorrow), Gram Ponante said that he will be using the United States Postal Service's self-adhesive stamp technology on his personal and business correspondence.
"Licking stamps is for garlic eaters and reprobates," Ponante scoffed. "I am partnering with the USPS to create a world in which all a user has to do is peel a stamp from some kind of coated backing and then to affix it, saliva-free, on any kind of paper-based enveloping device in order to, like, mail it."
Ponante held Playboy's and Digital Playground's press releases in his hand. "Check these out," he said. "I am mailing these to my Ukrainian mail-order bride because my XBiz mousepad just broke."
Steve Jobs has delivered the hardware and now Hugh Hefner has delivered the software. With the eagerly-anticipated Apple iPhone finally in retail stores, Playboy.com is celebrating the glorious gadget with the launch of “iPlayboy,” a collection of multimedia features guaranteed to turn up the heat on that cool, new phone. "I think it's great that Hef spent all that time programming and delivering software," Ponante, now guzzling limoncello at a Ventura Blvd. restaurant for fat people, said. "And you would be amazed at how far up Cupertino's ass Digital Playground has got."
Digital Playground is pleased to announce an early alliance to Apple's iPhone with 158 full-length trailers available free of charge, for immediate download. "This alliance will be every bit as significant and effective as the Rebel Alliance in Star Wars," Ponante sagely predicted, nibbling Porcini mushrooms off the concave abdomen of a starlet hanging around outside the shuttered offices of World Modeling.
America's Beloved Porn Journalist reflected that announcing one could put porn on an iPhone was like sending out a press release saying that you had moved your air freshener from one car to another.
"A Playboy air freshener," Ponante added, flash-frying a whole turkey at a tony Sylmar Superfund site.
Vivid Entertainment sales manager Howard Levine confirmed today that the long-awaited Blu-ray edition of Paul Thomas' Debbie Does Dallas...Again has arrived in house following a series of delays. The disc ships to stores next week. (AVN)
Ponante has been touting iLick technology since last year, and even mounted huge banners proclaiming it at January's AVN show, but he only recently sent away for the self-adhesive stamps. Since he pays all his bills online and rarely sends letters, he is thinking of using the new stamps next week to send a postcard to his mother, Lita Ford.
Previously: Playboy releases Asians clutching at underwear line; Report: porn industry to utilize Internet; Caprica Six gets a ten; Scenes from the classs struggle in Playboy's Penthouse; Who-ray came first?; Digital Playground's cavalcade of synonyms
See also: Playboy, Digital Playground, Vivid, Apple, United States Postal ServiceLabels: Apple, Digital Playground, hype, playboy, sic, technology, vivid
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, June 18, 2007--
Don't expect Jenna Haze Oil Orgy at Blockbuster any time soon
 In a move that clearly gives the edge to Blu-ray in the format war between it and HD-DVD, Blockbuster Entertainment has sided with the Sony/Phillips product as it begins to sell and rent high-definition discs.
The DVD market, despite a steady downturn over the past five years, is still estimated to net $24 billion annually.
Of porn companies releasing in the next-generation formats, CD Girls is the only to have released in Blu-ray, while Vivid has been promising a Blu-Ray version of Debbie Does Dallas...Again for more than six months (the standard-def version is available). Wicked and Digital Playground have both committed to HD-DVD.
The above paragraph is moot in terms of consumers getting Blu-ray porn at their neighborhood Blockbuster; the company doesn't carry hardcore and is often accused of censoring its softcore titles. Only if Jenna Haze wore an Operation Rescue t-shirt (rather than a CD Girls t-shirt) whilst being hot-oiled might the Viacom property permit it.
None of the major online DVD distributors have a Blu-Ray/HD-DVD section yet. "There aren't enough titles to support the shelf space," a rep for Gamelink said.
Previously: Who-ray came first?; "Porn flatters itself," sniffs Blu-ray; Tabling Blu-ray, embracing HD-DVD (fleshbot); Wicked decides on HD-DVD
See also: CDGirls, Vivid, Blockbuster, Blockbuster - Blu-Ray All the Way (forbes.com)Labels: blu ray, CDGirls, dvd, jenna haze, technology, vivid
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, May 09, 2007--
Who-ray came first?
 Two companies with vastly different projects are claiming to be the first porn producers to release a Blu-ray disc.
Vivid, which prematurely announced the Blu-ray release of Debbie Does Dallas...Again several months ago before being bogged down with license and replication issues, has declared the movie's delayed but extra-hyped and cross-marketed release for later this month.
Chatsworth's CDGirls has already released Jenna Haze Oil Orgy, a movie shot in 2005 with water-based lubricants and Hillary Scott's original breasts. The company circumvented the replication issue by stripping the Digital Rights Management (DRM) from the disc, saying that DRM gets hacked before companies can even ship their products.
Vivid's Scott Giovanini explained to adult trade publication AVN that the difference between the two firms' releases was that "Vivid (was) the only company to go through the proper channels to produce a true Blu-ray disc."
Vivid's recent inverse ratio of hype to truth, especially in terms of its forays into sex tapes and its non-reality Showtime series, makes its "proper channels" defense seem desperate. If both companies claim their discs will play upon insertion to a Blu-ray player, does it matter? It remains to be seen what the contested claim of "first in Blu-ray" will mean for sales.
Now the two companies are peddling different products. CDGirls' has two gonzos and Vivid has a feature. It's easier to make a good gonzo than a good feature, but it will be up to consumers to determine, in the infancy of the format, whether boobies or plot is more important.
This is all moot, really. I released the first Blu-ray porn in 1962. I replicated Missile Crisis Slutz myself in a bunker under Disneyland.
Previously: "Porn flatters itself," sniffss Blu-Ray; Wicked decides on HD-DVD; Shiny, oiled Jenna Haze DVD is the first porn Blu-ray disc; Wrangling a sex tape; Vivid does Kim...again
See also: CDGirls, Vivid, Vivid secures Blu-ray license for Debbie Does Dallas (avn.com)Labels: blu ray, CDGirls, dvd, hype, technology, vivid
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, April 19, 2007--
Shiny, oiled Jenna Haze DVD is first porn Blu-Ray disc
 A small company operated out of Porn Valley and Las Vegas has become the first adult firm to release a true Blu-Ray DVD, shot in HD and replicated in both HD-DVD and Blu-Ray formats.
This month CDGirls, in business since 1998, began selling Jenna Haze Oil Orgy, a two-hour disc culminating in a nine-girl oilslick betweeen Haze and Hillary Scott, Holly Morgan, Carlie Banks, Sammie Rhodes, Bobbi Blair, Marlena, August, and Charlie Lane.
 "We had a custom-made oil pit," said CDGirls operations manager Ken, noting that the excess of lubing agents required the movie to be "directed by committee".
The company chose to release Jenna Haze Oil Orgy in as many formats as possible, including Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. It avoided larger porn companies' problems with Blu-Ray replicators by burning the discs themselves. The only difference between the end result and other Blu-Ray discs is that the Jenna Haze movie has no copy protection.
 "If there are step-by-step instructions on how to break the DRM (Digital Rights Management) online and people can BitTorrent it anyway, there's no use in that protection," said CDGirls technology officer Manny Ulele.
I asked Ken why he chose Blu-Ray. Did he see it as the future rather than HD-DVD?
"Not really," he said. "Right now we see the same type of fight shaping up between formats as occurred in the Beta vs. VHS days. Apple and Sony are backing the Blu-Ray format, while Microsoft and others are backing the HD-DVD. As it is, even playing major Hollywood studio releases can require upgrading firmware and software, depending on the player a person has, so a lot is still undecided."
Universal's latest James Bond movie, Casino Royale, which debuted on Blu-Ray, is not itself universally compatible with Blu-Ray players. Some require firmware upgrades and others, if upgraded, will not play the disc.
 "Judging from that," Ken said, "we decided to hedge our bets as much as possible."
To that end, the company is releasing each Blu-ray and HD-DVD disc in a package that also includes a standard DVD.
"You don't want to receive the disc and pop it in at 2 A.M. and find that your player isn't ready for it," Ken said, but added that the lack of format standardization made it necessary to include customer service numbers with each package.
 I called director Roy Karch, whose Reincarnation of Serena, taped in 1979, was the first porn movie shot and released on video. Karch's movie was captured by two Phillips 80 cameras on a switcher.
"The cameras weighed more than the girls," Karch said.
Karch's movie consisted of two half-hour scripted segments, one a takeoff on "Romeo And Juliet" and the other titled "The First Convertible". They were filmed on a soundstage on Santa Monica Blvd. in Hollywood and featured, in addition to Serena, an actual convertible as well as some fairly credible costumes.
I wondered if the new medium influenced the content of either project. Was there something about video that cried out for porn's resident boor-about-town to play a priest (and I'm not talking about Serena or Maria Tortuga)? Is there something about Blu-Ray that demands Jenna Haze be oiled?
The answer to both questions is No, but a four-camera HD setup, including an overhead jib, certainly makes it easier to count each of Haze's ribs, and the multiple angle option (including footage lensed by Barry Wood) is like a greasy All Access Pass.
 Jenna Haze Oil Orgy was shot in September, 2005. You might notice that the movie features Hillary Scott's original breasts, which is a nice touch and worth the $49.95 retail price; a tacit admission that technology doesn't solve everything.
Previously: Wicked decides on HD-DVD; Pirates: "For the love of God let me die"; Concentric circle jerks of porn profits; Kirsten Price before Wicked, Jenna Haze after hiatus
See also: Jenna Haze Oil Orgy, The Reincarnation of SerenaLabels: CDGirls, dvd, technology, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, January 30, 2007--
"Porn flatters itself," sniffs Blu-ray
 Blu-ray Association spokesman Andy Parsons, a vice president of Pioneer, suggests that adult's notion of itself as a technology Taste Leader is exaggerated, even if the industry helped decide the VHS-Betamax war in the 80's.
"Adult content should be appreciated for what it is," Parsons told Variety, "but it is not mainstream and it will not drive the mass market."
Porn was much less mainstream - in fact, producing it had not yet been decriminalized in California - when the first porn shot on video was released in 1979. Parsons sounds like he is defending Blu-ray sponsors' moral choices to not work with the adult industry with unsupportable business justifications.
Porn is King of Flimsy Justifications, Blu-ray; don't mess with it.
The Variety story is notable for its reliance on the opinions of four big companies: Wicked (whose Camp Cuddle Pines Powertool Massacre was the first porn out on HD DVD), Digital Playground, Vivid, and Evil Angel. All have chosen HD DVD, though Digital Playground once sided with Blu-ray and Vivid is hedging its bets by releasing Debbie Does Dallas...Again on both new formats.
The problem is, as one Porn Valley Observed reader points out:
"For every one Pirates, there's at least another hundred titles like Fuck My Gaping Asshole Vol. 3,459, and the companies releasing them range in opinion from 'Sure, we'll do HD eventually' to 'Nope, no plans for HD.'" That does not mean that those four are not industry leaders with sensible plans for the future, but their sales are but a fraction of those of the combined smaller companies that have no immediate plans for either new format and/or that only care about shooting for VOD, cable, and Internet.
And don't forget that companies that edit for HD might not actually be shooting in it, and the Variety story does not address the questionable demand for HD content on the web.
It also uses "camp" six times to describe technology representatives. I think Variety should ankle that word.
The bottom line is that anyone in adult who has made a choice has gone with HD DVD, and it seems as though the technology has chosen porn (by way of less restrictions and a cheaper price) rather than porn having chosen the technology.
(Thanks to Jamie Lynn for providing a face for the name.)
Previously: Concentric circle jerks of porn profits; Wicked decides on HD DVD; Pirates: "For the love of God let me die."
See also: HD DVD pressing the flesh (variety.com)Labels: money, technology
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, December 22, 2006--
Wicked decides on HD DVD
 Begun this Format War has.
Wicked Pictures has announced that it has chosen the HD DVD format over Blu-Ray and will re-release its Camp Cuddly Pines Power Tool Massacre using the feature-rich and less expensive next-generation technology.
Digital Playground this year announced that it was siding with Blu-Ray and that Pirates will be re-released in that format some time in 2007.
The cartels behind HD DVD and Blu-Ray, including but not limited to Apple, Microsoft, Toshiba, Philips, and the Walt Disney Corporation (the latter giving money to both formats) was unable to come up with a compromise that would benefit the consumer, so you, too, will have to choose or just not buy next-gen DVDs out of spite until you have no choice, which will be at least five years or until one of the formats dies.
I asked a colleague at Hustler which side Larry Flynt would fall on, and he said, "Whichever is least expensive" (which is, at the moment, HD DVD).
A standard DVD holds about five gigabytes of data. HD DVDs hold between 45 and 60 GB. Blu Ray discs boast up to 200 GB, but the cost of retooling replication facilities for the particulars of the Blu-Ray disc process will be passed on to the consumer, whereas HD DVD technology is, simply put, easier and less costly.
Previously: Pirates: "For the love of God let me die."
See also: Wicked Pictures, The Best HD-DVD: "Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift" (gizmodo), Blu-Ray vs. HD DVD: State of the Division (engadget)Labels: dvds, technology
posted by Gram the Man
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While GramPonante.com is written for a tenth-grade reading level (in some countries), you must be 18 years or older to visit this site. Sorry.
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To her roles as celebrity publisher, honorary fire chief, Kentucky Colonel, and orthodox rabbi can Tera Patrick now add "special producer" to her list of honorific titles.
