| --Friday, December 28, 2007--
Gram Ponante announces Oscars of Porn
 During a brief ceremony at the Lamplighter Restaurant this morning, the vaunted National Institutes of Pornographic And Pornotextual Arts changed the name of its annual awards from the Also-Rannies to its current title, the Excellence in Adult and/or Erotic Entertainment Honors. A simple nine-foot statue was wheeled across the parking lot.
"That looks like my Uncle Oscar!" someone exclaimed. "He is nine feet tall and also made of gold! You see, he was an alchemist and suffered from gigantism."
From that simple outburst (quickly repressed by police and clergy), a tradition was born.
Read the list of "The Oscars of Porn" after the gap.
"I believe in America," Beloved Porn Journalist Gram Ponante said at the quiet ceremony. "I believe that everyone should have his or her own adult awards show. And we are quickly reaching a point where the ratio of Americans to adult awards shows is 1:1."
Attendees wept and prayed as the awards were announced over strong cocktails and light salads. The spontaneous nature of the event kept any winner from attending, so in that way the ceremony was much like established awards shows such as the Adultcon Awards, the Temptation Awards, the FOXE awards, and the XRCOs.
Quintessence Award
Dirty Harry
"This award is presented to the person or persons who best represent the public's perception of adult entertainment. Dirty Harry often plays an incestuous scumbag who pimps out his daughter or seeks out women to beat him up. Harry truly is Dirty, and a scene in which he does not end up shrieking at someone or sobbing in his despair is uncharacteristic. God Bless You, Dirty Harry."
 Self-Lubricating Arriviste
Sindee Jennings
"As R.E.M. said, 'Everybody squirts sometime', but Sindee Jennings squirts all the time. She squirts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and if she lived in London, she'd squirt for tea. She might even squirt tea. And unlike other squirters who have taught themselves how, Jennings' squirting is wild and untamed, as if ordained by God. It does not feel forced, and its consistency coats, soothes, and relieves. She is also from Texas, where my people live."
 Sniffer Made Good
Dave Navarro
"Navarro circled closer and closer to porn until people started saying 'Red Hot Chili Who?' 'Jane's What?' While industry insiders might say that he has not paid his dues, remember that industry insiders rarely pay their cable bills. We look forward to a day when Navarro reaches 25,000 posts on porn chatboards like every other loser."
 Best Intentional Porn Comedy
Spunk'd
"Porn should be funny, and often is. Sometimes it seems people bend over backwards to siphon all the fun out of it. But this ensemble comedy starring Nick Manning and a dozen or so others achieves the lofty purpose of making a porn movie funny on purpose."
Best Unintentional Porn Comedy
Debbie Loves Dallas
"A textbook case of reach exceeding grasp. Both the movie and its director (and we made sure to verify this beforehand) had no intention of being so abysmally, unintentionally hilarious."
 Best Celebrity Sex Tape
Amy Fisher Caught on Tape
"A certified MILF who clings to her 'Long Island Lolita' roots, Amy Fisher, if I were a porn fortune cookie, would be 'Welcome at any gathering'. Without a doubt the best sex tape this year, because all the others were made to be watched by only a few people at most. This one was made for public consumption, even if half of the parties involved say it wasn't."
 Concerted Effort
Jenny Hendrix
"As Pink Floyd said, 'I've got the obligatory Hendrix sperm.' Hendrix works wicked hard. She has three phones working overtime. She hasn't taken a break since July. She makes drinks for people on set. She works well with others. She's thrifty, clean, and reverent. I would definitely recommend her for employment, a home loan, or cabinet position (preferably Reverse Cowgirl Secretary)."
 Male Performer Who Knows What Time It Is
Nick Manning
"For men who watch porn, watching other men is difficult, even impossible. And since no one will pony up for a greenscreen anytime this decade (despite porn being on the cutting edge of technology and all), the most we can hope for is that the male talent is entertaining. Nick Manning (close runner-up: Steven St. Croix) shows the perfect combination of acting and performing chops as well as a solid sense of where the male porn performer is in the firmament. He only steals scenes when there are no women in them. He doesn't overtalk, he shares the spotlight. And when allowed to do his thing, he displays the most sardonic character possible who still gets to 'wreck!' women onscreen. No one has a problem with Jack Nicholson playing the same character in every movie, so Manning should get an award, too."
 The Kami Andrews Wish You Were Here Award
Lorelei Lee
"Who knows if she will be back, but Lorelei Lee is gone now, and we miss her."
 Tony Conigliaro Award
Nicki Hunter
"This award, like its baseball counterpart, goes to the person who overcame adversity in style. Nicki Hunter was diagnosed with lymphoma one year ago and has returned to the adult business with equal parts vengeance and class. Congratulations also to the various fans and coworkers who got put personal gain aside to help out their friend."
 Best Porn Set
(tie)
Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party (all)
Barely Legal 75
"Usually I only spend a few hours in rooms full of naked women. Something changes when I'm there all day, as if I remember that there is an intrinsic value in spending the day with a room full of naked women. I feel like Caligula without the parts falling off. And Cousin Stevie and Erica Mclean run a very smooth, casual operation."
Best Logline
Cuckold - Chatsworth Pictures
"Sometimes the only thing wrong with your wife is you."
Best Inevitable Title
She Is Half My Age - Brandon Iron
"Porn has always been about older men and younger women. It seems more like Sociology class to watch people the same age having sex (that's why I stayed in college so long). This movie puts a name on the giddy joy one feels when discovering that $900 and an agent's fee can buy you Faye Valentine."
Biggest Comeback (Where "biggest" is the shortest intervening time between announcemment of retirement and retraction of retirement)
(tie)
Luke Ford
Kurt Lockwood
Belladonna
"Luke Ford announced he was leaving the porn industry yet continues to show up at porn events, Kurt Lockwood announced his retirement, paternity, and a move to Spain in September and returned to work in October, and Belladonna announced her retirement from performing and three weeks later announced her retirement from her retirement. Needless to say, some comebacks are more welcome than others."
 Most Satisfying Movie
Naughty Flipside
"When you get right down to it, the most effective porn format ever is the gonzo, in which setups are kept to a minimum and sex scenes get underway quickly. The scripted feature may showcase other talents of the cast and crew, but those are always exercises in diminishing returns, no matter how well-intended. Naughty Flipside Volume One presents the perfect combination of quick, fantastical setups followed by the lighthearted inevitabilities of Dana DeArmond, Sasha Grey, Adrianna Nicole, and Pinky Lee."
Ambition without Embarrassment Award
Upload
"Upload is a great movie. More than that, it is a movie that has high ideals. (Almost) nothing is worse than a movie that shows more of its creators' limitations than its creators' intentions, and this movie's intentions weren't grounded by budget, talent, or cast; every element shot for the sky. Also, there was sex in it."
National Institutes of Pornographic and Pornotextual Arts Director of the Year Award
Jim Powers
"Jim Powers is an effective porn director because he never forgets why the audience is there, so he keeps extraneous things like plot and guys' faces to a minimum. Despite this, he works so well within the limitations of the form that each movie is memorable and lightly-to-moderately sprayed with his own cultural references and cynical sense of humor. Watching a Jim Powers movie is the essence of a guilty pleasure, because you really do feel intellectually and spiritually ashamed afterwards. He's a genius."
 Quote of the Year
Alex Sanders to Julie Night, Upload
"Get it wet or I'll stick it in you dry."
Previously: Gram Ponante announces Also-Rannies Labels: "eli cross", "nicki hunter", adrianna nicole, awards, directors, eva angelina, jenny hendrix, jim powers, kurt lockwood, lorelei lee, Nick Manning, pinky lee, sasha grey, sindee jennings, steven st croix, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, November 30, 2007--
Industry continues to distance itself from altporn
 As predicted in these virtual pages as early as 2005, the video version of alternative porn that was labeled "altporn" to the dismay of altporn's actual Internet pioneers (but not Matt Zane, who never labeled what he did starting a decade ago), is being actively avoided by studios.
The latest snub comes from Peter Reynolds of Adam & Eve who, in announcing the soft launch of the label IAC, or Independent Adult Cinema, stated that the new label's directors were "very alternative—but not ‘Alt.’"
Reynolds headed VCA's sales department when that company ushered in video's version of altporn, which I called steveporn because "altporn" was a misnomer. Yes, I did that because I'm a fucking genius.
Reynolds completed the distinction by saying that directors Carlos Batts (who just released Voluptuous Life), Joe Gallant, and Joanna Angel "have a different, more creative way of shooting adult.” More creative than whom was left unsaid.
But the terms "Alternative" and "Independent" are pretty loose, too. I'm sure that there is somebody out there shooting Dali-esque corpse porn through a greasy ashtray mounted on a pinhole camera who would call Joe Gallant a tool of the establishment.
Previously: At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts
See also: Adam & Eve to launch IAC line at Voluptuous Life party (avn); Adam & EveLabels: "adam and eve", april flores, carlos batts, events, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, October 23, 2007--
Gram saves steveporn's credibility, party follows
  Earlier this year I pointed out to my friends at Vivid-steve that Kimberly Kane's upcoming movie, Triple Ecstacy, had one half of its title misspelled.
While I have lately been schooled in the philosophy that all mistakes are part of the rich fabric of experience, and therefore not really mistakes, I suggested the correct spelling at the time, just in case someone not as enlightened as I might happen along to dismiss the steveporn epic as not caring enough about the consumer to make a single pass through the most rudimentary QA.
Anyway, in gratefulness to me and in celebration of the release of the movie, Vivid-steve is holding a Triple Ecstasy party on Halloween night.
"We have an unlimited guest list for this event," Vivid-steve honcho Eon McKai wrote in a spellchecked internal memo. "Please extend an invitation to those interested."
Previously: Porn and spelling; "You're not one of us"; Kimberly Kane in "Triple Ecstacy" (fleshbot)Labels: "kimberly kane", eon mckai, events, sic, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, October 12, 2007--
"You're not one of us": a steveporn odyssey
 Now and then I'll write an unflattering porn review and will be yelled at about it. But the other day I was shrieked at by Eon McKai, who couldn't understand why I suddenly didn't "get" him.
After a few years of generally positive reviews of his work I had abruptly become, by virtue of making several criticisms of his Debbie Loves Dallas, a hater like all the rest of them.
In two phone calls, three text messages, and five e-mails, demonstrating a command of media I wished had extended to his porn flick, the megalomaniacal McKai heaped on abuse and paranoia, and, full of indignance and shitting on everything he saw, banished me from the steveporn realm, population: Eon.
Just remember that this is a guy I have been very nice to in the past, who has hired me for promotional work because I understood his genius.
But don't take my word for it, take Eon's after the gap.
comment on fleshbot post
Gram you don't get it... guess you never did... keep filing flesh bot with MSM's taned over blown bodays..
Fleshbot was once great... now it's just Gram...
doode honlisty... why come on here where my people get info and fill there head with such shit?
you don't know what time it is*
you don't get it
you fill the bot with shit form porns vally
plese go away allready so we can get on with pushing things forward...
I work too hard to get where I am and to push the movment forward to have you going on and on not geting it... on the bot a place where I'm most gotten... till now...
don't hit me up for screeners aney more
-Eon McKai
-*(and Flava Flav)
I had asked for a Debbie screener because Fleshbot wanted me to review it and I haven't been receiving Vivid screeners lately. I mentioned this to McKai when I called him several days before. McKai said he didn't know why I was not on the screener list. He quickly sent me his movie and three others.
In a UPS box the day I reviewed the film, McKai sent me Stood Up, which I had already reviewed, Tristan Taormino's Chemistry 3, and the original and sequel of Paul Thomas' Fade to Black movies, which I'd heard were good, along with Debbie. I watched McKai's movie through lunch.
I noticed several things that other directors might call mistakes, and the directing seemed inconsistent. Some actors acted like they were in a different movie. I Instant-Messaged McKai, and he assured me that everything in the movie was a choice. We then realized we disagreed about how good or bad several performers were. An actress that I thought was good he thought was awful.
So was the inclusion of what the director thought was an awful performance a choice? How does one direct an awful performance? Awfully?
After I had submitted my review of Debbie Loves Dallas to Fleshbot, where I usually post reviews prior to re-running them on my own site, I received a call from McKai, which I missed.
phone message
"I just wanted to say fuck you, Gram...I wanted to let you know that I have moved the 'Vivid-Alt' contest from Fleshbot to another site...I should have figured out when you asked for the movie what you were up to...I broke my fucking back on that movie for you to say I phoned it in...I stand a hundred percent behind every shot in that film and everything was a choice...so fuck off and go away."
- Eon McKai
I wondered if he thought, based on my previous good reviews of his work, that I had suddenly decided to find fault. I wondered if he suspected that every time he'd thought I "got it" before was just a fakeout for the hammer blow of the Debbie review? Notwithstanding, I am going to use "I should have known what you were up to" as often as I can in everyday conversation.
I listened to his message while walking to the subway (yes, there are subways in Los Angeles) but was then interrupted by a call about Brian Surewood. When I got home McKai called again, and this time I picked up. I'll emphasize that I have his number and he has mine.
"Hi Eon," I said.
"I just wanted to say fuck you in person," McKai said.
"OK," I said.
After about 45 seconds of listening to him tell me (I think - it was loud) about modernism vs. post-modernism and how (I think - it was loud) I had reviewed a post-modern movie modernistically, I got in a question edgewise and asked, "Eon, are we going to have a conversation or are you going to shriek at me?"
"I'm going to shriek - " he said, and I said Goodbye and hung up. Sorry, but post-modernism is a rigorous style, not something you invoke to explain your mistakes afterward.
e-mail message
And do us all a favor stop wrighting for fleshbot. So it can be great
sight agen. Also u sugest a pots modern salution to a modern theroy.
Don't touch what u don't know.
You should of skiped revering a movie u so odviuly don't get.
I'm still supper pissed off about this
-Eon McKai You might notice that McKai does not pay attention to spelling. I am comfortable saying this is a learning disability rather than laziness. But spelling errors abound in various points of the movie. Does spelling matter in porn? Nope, but someone who knows he can't spell but won't bother with a spell-check is the same "doode" who can't be bothered to edit out the background noise.
"Quit flesh bot," McKai texted me after I hung up the phone.
Then, immediately after: "Go away."
I showed these messages around the dinner table. It was remarked that a three-year-old we know recently learned to say "Go away" at pre-school.
Then, a minute later: "You're not one of us."
This was amazing. McKai is in his late 30's. What cool kids' group did he think he was kicking me out of? And what kind of people are in it now? Do they wear little steveporn buttons that read "You're not one of us"?
When I first met McKai he gave me the impression that he was at least ten years younger than he is, in the presentation of certain facts about schooling, etc. He chose not to correct my mistaken assumption of his years. He admitted that he had created a persona, but I didn't know it included lying about his age. He presented an image of a precocious kid in his early 20's, full of ideas. What is forgivable in a person of one age is not in another, like Capri pants.
When the review came out, McKai spent most of the first day calling Fleshbot's editor. Fleshbot.com has given a lot of attention to McKai, and McKai felt it was a betrayal that the site would run such an unfavorable piece about him. This is not the first time I have been told on for having the gall to write what I felt. After this review, my editor got the same series of phone calls from a remarkably similar group of people.
I didn't think Eon McKai's Debbie Loves Dallas was a great movie. While it aspired to interesting things like loopy montages and the incorporation of an original soundtrack, other elements, like screwball comedy, fell flat. I also thought the movie was distractingly self-aware and sloppily directed.
e-mail message
Hi Eon,
I'm sorry my review hurt your feelings. I've certainly liked some of your previous work, and I will admit that when your stuff comes up I have high expectations. I did not want to not like your "Debbie"; it would be much easier if I loved everything, because it is harder to write a bad review.
Yours, Gram McKai's Girls Lie as well as several sections of Neu Wave Hookers were very impressive. But the best thing I can say about his treatment of Debbie is that he was trying hard at the wrong things.
e-mail message
"Fuck off and go away."
-Eon McKai I gave McKai a chance to defend his work on the day I reviewed the movie. I get my porn movies free, but I do feel an obligation to consumers who might spend money on a product that isn't up to snuff. When I'd I.M.'d McKai with my concerns about Debbie's quality control he responded with:
"Write what you feel." So I did.
A day later, his e-mails just kept coming, whether or not I responded. McKai thrives on drama of his own creation.
One way he does this is by contacting the colleagues of people who've hurt him and not-so-subtly suggesting a personnel change. In my case, whether or not Fleshbot actually lost the coveted Vivid-Alt contest, McKai really wanted me to know he'd gone over my head.
e-mail message
sweet... keep felling fleshbot with tan boddys... as it dies slowly
- I'll point out that Vivid is in the business of "tan boddys"...like them or not, that is what sells for Vivid-Alt's parent company.
are you trying to make fleshbot.com as crappy as every other run of
the mill porn review sight?
- When I say good things about Eon McKai or when I say bad things about Eon McKai?
I should have seen the righting on the wall when vivid pulled you off
the screener list
- Yes, but would you have been able to read it?
and when
Tristen said you were fucked
- I think that refers to a previous coup attempt, but I can't be sure
with time all is revealed... and time had just revealed your true
hart. You would rater go the the sensation of bashing me on the verry
websight the brought me up...
- It truly is amazing how my true hart lay dormant all this time, like the Manchurian Candidate
thats very tabloid of you Gram and I thought you were more than that
but your not
- All these mixed messages. "Write what you feel"/"Don't write what you feel."
you fill flesbot with porn valley crap for the most part.
- And the company paying your salary is the King of Porn Valley
I would hope you would just have the good cence to walk away from
what you did not understand...
- And you might have had the sense to walk toward a Final Cut Pro manual
I'm afrade your more common than we all expected
- Here McKai invokes a group of invisibles who are woeful and disappointed in me. I would like to think of them as vengeful Japanese ghosts, a la The Grudge
you don't have my permission to to post anetying I wright to you or
text or aim
- Sorry, Dumbass, I didn't ask you to fill my mailbox. I will give you the respect of not correcting your spelling
just stay away from what I do*... thank you
- By "do", do you mean your stable job not dependent on sales of your movies?
fuck you have me really pissed off here
- I'm just sitting here. I think you've pissed off yourself. Why don't you film it?
I'm wishing I never sent you those screeners
- Well, I might not watch Chemistry, but I'm told I'll like Fade to Black
avoid me please
- Hold on. Didn't you - Yes, you did* - just say that?
and please tell people girls lie sucks because I don't want someone
like you defending me.
- Haven't you listened to a word I've said? Girls Lie is pretty good! It's Debbie Loves Dallas that kinda sucks. It would have been better had Ron Royster directed it.
His last e-mail to me was a link to some kind of RSS aggregator. I couldn't open it, so I e-mailed him back to please resend it. Instead, he wrote:
Its what fleshbot looks like with u removed. I collected his e-mails and text messages and sent them to Vivid president Steve Hirsch. I had not taken the bait in any of the previous exchanges, but I really felt he would harass me all week and use up his Vivid paycheck on wireless minutes if I didn't tell him to settle down.
e-mail message
Thank you. Now, since you have several times in various media told me to "go away" in the past twelve hours, I'll have to ask you to stop harassing me. You are free, of course, to say whatever you want anywhere you want wherever people can still tolerate you, but do not contact me again.
Yours, Gram Read the review of Debbie Loves Dallas here.
Previously: Girls Lie review; Neu Wave Hookers review; Eon McKai and the elephant in the room; My Vivid visitLabels: conflict, eon mckai, interviews, sic, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, July 09, 2007--
Pink is the new steve
 Pink is a suggestive color, of course, and it's no surprise that it is used in porn names (Jocelyn Pink, Pink Visual, 1 in the Pink, 1 in the Stink), but when I looked at this Joanna Angel cover from Hustler, her ex company (she's at ClubJenna now), it sent me poking around the steveporn corner of the web to find that those people are addicted to the color pink. I think it's unhealthy.
In fact, the thing that might actually separate "altporn" as practiced and photographed before the turn of the century and "steveporn" as scholars have described it is pink-dependence.
I was amazed at how much pink turned up on the sites of Vivid-steve, Eon McKai, Vena Virago, and Winkytiki, whereas pink was at manageable levels in the work of Rob Rotten and Ron Royster, two others often tagged with the altporn label. Blueblood was almost pink-free, but Eroticbpm was exceedingly pink.
 I don't know what this means, other than pink makes me think of candy, and that when I see a picture like this one of Joanna Angel, looking so frankly at {me}, I think black, not pink, because black is the color of my soul.
Previously: Pink Velvet trilogy; So are they pink or are they white?Labels: art, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, June 19, 2007--
Man's Ruin party Friday
 Man's Ruin, the second movie from Octavio Winkytiki, will be launched with a release party this Friday at Miss Kitty's Parlour, better known as the Dragonfly.
Because of the state I found myself in every time I went there, it took me about two years of attending events at Miss Kitty's and saying "This looks like the Dragonfly; the Dragonfly must be around here somewhere" before I realized that Miss Kitty's was a club night at the Dragonfly.
I recorded a commentary track on Man's Ruin with Smokin' Mary Jane but I have heard whispers that it has been destroyed. I'm sure the movie is still worth seeing.
Melody Gore is the official hostess, but various steveporn kids will doubtless be in attendance.
Click here for a printable pass.
Previously: XFanz porns burlesque; The Whipping Hour; Rebelle Rousers on location; And then the Bunny showed up: The Kill Girl Kill party
See also: Winkytiki, Vivid-steveLabels: events, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, May 28, 2007--
Razordolls party tonight
 The enigmatic JacktheZipper will perhaps be on hand to host the premiere party for his movie The Razordolls, made for Pulse Pictures. In terms of cross-promotion schemes, The Razordolls seems to be, in and of itself, a porn movie; aside from incorporating the aesthetic of steveporn site Razordolls.com, there are no attempts to confuse an ill-considered non-celebrity non-sex tape with actual porn.
The Razordolls stars Page Morgan, Annette Schwarz, Regan Reese, Jade Starr, and Sasha Grey.
The Razordolls party will be held at the splendid Tiny's K.O. on Hollywood Blvd.
Previously: Blacklight Beauty review; Squealer review
See also: JacktheZipper, RazordollsLabels: directors, events, jackthezipper, steveporn, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, May 09, 2007--
Sugar levels
 Radical Civil Rights activist Sara X takes a break from realigning the status quo by having candies dropped on her while wearing socks.
Part of the 1300th photoset hosted on pioneering punk erotica site Blue Blood.com, the photos of Sara X remind me that I really need to watch my diet.
A visit to the site also reveals that Blue Blood got sick of steveporn long before the rest of the world did.
Previously: Steve and the inevitable altporn backlash; Eon McKai and the elephant in the room
See also: Blue BloodLabels: because, blue blood, fotos, steveporn, website
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, March 23, 2007--
Pabst Blue Ribbon Night with the Steveporn kids
 After taking a few days off, I returned to my exhaustive and fetishistically complete schedule of porn party coverage with the Eastside Story release event downtown.
Aside from Repo Man and the movies of Michael Mann, very little is known about downtown Los Angeles. We are only aware that there are no roads in that area, just the dry L.A. Riverbed where we race our Greasemobiles and hide from the Terminator.
Downtown L.A. is the most New York-y section of the city but, unlike New York or San Francisco, where the homeless are seamlessly integrated with the urban landscape (even having restaurants open up inside them), L.A.'s homeless are concentrated in a small area beyond Los Angeles Street, where they can be most easily filmed.
I talked with Eddie Santoro, a man who was sleeping in a doorway a block down from Bar 107.
"Where you headed?" he asked.
"Up the road," I said.
"Lot of pretty girls up there," he said. "I was by there a little while ago. Girls showing their titties."
"Well that's where I'm going then," I said.
"They shooting a movie up there?" he asked.
"No, but they make movies."
"I played a homeless guy in Terminator 2: Judgment Day," he said.
"And were you - "
"Nope! I was living in a house in Arcadia."
 Michelle Aston is not homeless. She lives in the Barclay, a hundred-year-old residence hotel that used to be where farmers from outlying areas would stay after they brought their products into the dusty city and did their banking at the federal-style bank across the street.
"If I have guests, they have to pay an extra ten bucks," she said.
"Just ten bucks?"
"Well..."
We walked next door to the bar. I've been off the hard liquor for three days. I didn't know what to do wth myself. It's not like I'm going to bring a thermos anywhere anymore. Aston bought me a tall PBR.
"I don't drink beer, but this is very nice of you," I said.
Then I looked around and noticed that everyone was drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon. I carried that can around with me for three hours and I think I finished an eighth of it. I'm going to do that from now on.
I stood with Aston as we watched her scene with Page Morgan on the screen. I haven't watched the movie yet, but the colors are very trippy. They were both smeared with lipstick and Aston was throwing Morgan around like a flesh-covered bean bag I want to have sex with.
"I'm really going to town on her there," Aston noted.
"Yes you motherfucking are," I said soberly.
Outside Morgan herself was hanging out by a collection of Triumph motorcycles. She couldn't get in because she's only 20. A woman asked her if she shopped at John Fluevog, because she looked familiar.
"No," Morgan said, " I shop at the Salvation Army."
"Did you get that dress at the Salvation Army?" I saked. Now that I'm sober, I have the wherewithal to set her up with all ther gingham she needs, provided she doesn't wear it inside the house.
"No, I think I stole this one."
Now that Eon McKai can be photographed it seemed unoriginal to take a photograph of him, but I did ask if he needed to make room in his office for Ray J., white-hot auteur of the Kim Kardashian ouevre.
"I was wondering why Steven (Hirsch) didn't answer my e-mails for so long," he said.
 Speaking of New York and San Francisco, Joe Gallant and Violet Blue stopped by. Gallant is shooting in L.A. this weekend and is mulling a move here. "To downtown? To the loft area?" I asked, thinking that it would more suit his aesthetic.
"No, we're looking at Studio City," he said. Next time I see him he's going to have a glowing bluetooth headset in his ear and have no recognizable facial expresssions.
Blue was down with Eros-Zine editor Thomas Roche to promote her book "Fetish Sex". Strangely, I have only met Blue twice, both times after bodily injury (to me, not her). It is as if the Intelligent Designer requires me to be compromised.
 As you know, I am a fan of full-contact flat track roller derbies. I did my Master's thesis on them ("Blood on the Oval: The Need of Kneepads in Modern Feminist Theory"). I interrupted XBiz event planner/terror skater Joetta as she was phoning in a scoop, and she almost high-sticked me.
"That's not what Nancy Kerrigan would do," I said.
I stumbled home out of habit and poor motor skills rather than intoxication.
Previously: Eastside Story gets its priorities in order; ReBelle Rousers on location; Michelle Aston will eat your girlfriend...; Can you tell me how to get to Avenue X?
See also: Vivid-steveLabels: "vena virago", directors, events, steveporn, vivid
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, March 20, 2007--
Vena Virago: Tempted
 Vena Virago, mercurial and cryptic director of Vivid-steve's Eastside Story (not the Squeeze album) will host a happening on March 22 at downtown's Bar 107 on Positively 4th Street.
"We're artists," Virago did not say, and I'm glad. "And flesh is our canvas."
All the usual suspects will be there, I'm told, with Michelle Aston as majordomo(natrix).
Previously: East Side Story gets its priorities in order; Hanging with Silver Lake Swingers; Porn Valley font panic; Porn Valley art panic
See also: Vena Virago, Vivid-steveLabels: "vena virago" wgl, directors, steveporn, vivid
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, March 05, 2007--
Porn Valley art panic
 One features a crane, and the other features a telephone line to nowhere. How is one the "alt to alt"? I guess you can't call a color scheme legally actionable, though reversing the "e" in Penthouse looks about as edgy as writing "Kidz Menu", and just seems silly.
But at least the Penthouse title lets me know which one is a slut and which one is a pirate.
Previously: Porn Valley font panic; East Side Story gets its priorities in order; You deserve a FIP today
See also: Vivid-steve, PenthouseLabels: art, found, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, February 05, 2007--
The Name of the Rose
 ...is not important. The important thing is that they're naked.
Here are Alaska's own Rose girls, Ava (top) and Mia, in Winkytiki's upcoming Man's Ruin for Vivid-steve.
Despite the gravity of the picture, Mia is wearing a horse's bit, I think. Winkytiki describes her scene with Jay Huntington as "wacky". These pictures are looking suspiciously Michael Ninn-like for the normally-carefree director. I hope the world has not crushed his spirit.
Previously: Porned Alaska; Hotter than a Balrog; Oh to live on Cameltoe Mountain
See also: Winkytiki, Vivid-steveLabels: directors, steveporn, vivid, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, January 08, 2007--
Porned Alaska
 Alaska, the graphic designer whose boxcover art is often the best part of many porn movies, has a new website featuring his porn work and mainstream art.
Six Months of Light vaults the designer out of his .net ghetto into .com sunshine, with all the respect and validation that implies. How many times did I tell Alaska that only gonzo girls have dot net addresses? A lot.
Previously: Mia and Ava Rose in Double Trouble; Vivid wins Alt war without shot being fired; alt.squeal
See also: AlaskaLabels: art, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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Beware of Greeks bearing jizz
 Barbed Wire Kiss, the movie that launched my stellar directing career (I put my unmistakeable filmic signature on a scene between Adrianna Nicole and Tee Real in an otherwise-Benny Profane-directed movie) will be shown at the Athens (Greece) film festival.
I don't like the word jizz, but it was the only word that could convey my complex feelings.
Benny Profane observed the following conversation in a baklavateria:
Convenience store owner: We Greeks invented democracy!
Redneck: Yeah, you also invented homos!
Barbed Wire Kiss will also be screened with Swedeporn All About Anna, Winkytiki's ReBelle Rousers, and Margie Schnibbe's/Vena Virago's Pornstar Pets.
Previously: Possibly the greatest movie of all time; Lorelei Lee and Adrianna Nicole just because; Barbed Wire Confidential; Fiat Lux Kassidy
See also: Benny Profane, Athens Porn Festival
 Labels: directors, dvds, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, January 05, 2007--
Porn and spelling
 As you know, women are aroused when they observe good spelling. They like to get closer to the people who do it, and are often observed fellating them.
"Grams, I want to make freak on you," said my junior high school girlfriend, Thongtop Juicypants (she was from Thailand) when I won the spelling bee for the Bogue Chitto Unified School District.
Anyway, Vivid-steve sprang into action when it learned that one-half of the title of Kimberly Kane's new movie, until just recently called Triple Ecstacy, was spelled incorrectly.
Spelling errors account for 90 percent of the wood-killing mistakes in today's porn market, and they are killing our fish and ducks. While it pains me that Kimberly Kane will have to have the old tattoo burned off and the new one burned on, I am happy that the porn community's high percentage of college graduates will not be shamed.
Previously: Joanna's Angels 2: Alt Throttle; Wonderland: Return of the Tounge; Mind your boxcovers; Still life with Santa, toilet
See also: Vivid-steve, A Fleshbot storyLabels: steveporn, vivid
posted by Gram the Man
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"So you're having sex, and people find this a turn-on?"
 Gardening and weaponry network G4TV's Layla Kayleigh interviewed Joanna Angel for a recent feature on the cable channel's website, The Feed.
Kayleigh, who has a porn star name but otherwise doesn't know much about the business, uttered the subject line whilst quizzing Angel about her movie The XXXorcist.
Unlike Glenn Beck's boorish performance interviewing Paul Fishbein a while back, Kayleigh's was much more respectful of porn, even though she didn't know anything about it.
I think if the topic had been the Nintendo Wii or cheat codes that work cross-platform, the substance of the interview would have been different in that the interviewer would have taken the time to find out a little more about the subject before diving in. Can you imagine an interview with, say, a town selectman in which the reporter would get away with asking what it is the selectman does?
It is much safer in the mainstream world to claim ignorance or outrage when dealing with the adult business than it is to discuss the fisting techniques that the American public really craves. As Adam learned when Our Lord drove him from the Garden, knowledge is a stain.
That said, the interview was fun, Angel distanced herself from the "altporn" label, and I applaud G4 for acknowledging that 98 percent of its viewers watch porn.
See Joanna Angel with Layla Kayleigh in their "Girl on Girl" segment here.
Previously: Welcome geeks with jobs; Joanna Angel's Porny Monster
See also: G4TVLabels: hype, news, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, December 28, 2006--
Smoking Mary Jane: just because
 I met pinup/girl about town/cannabis enthusiast "Smokin'" Mary Jane Green while we were doing the commentary for the upcoming Vivid-steve movie Man's Ruin.
She was also the showstopping ending to The ReBelle Rousers.
While Ms. Green employs a west coast aesthetic of smoking marijuana daily, her outfit in the above picture (with Rebelle Rousers director Winkytiki) is more fitting for a rainy eastern seaboard day like the one I am currently experiencing.
As Gordon Lightfoot might say, "Rainy day people don't mind if you're smoking a bong or two."
Previously: ReBelle Rousers review
See also: Smokin' Mary Jane, Winkytiki, Gordon LightfootLabels: because, las drogas, steveporn, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, December 07, 2006--
Joanna Angel's Porny Monster
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