| --Friday, April 18, 2008--
Verbatim: marketing your product in porn
 Everyone needs marketing (and a car) in California, and porn stars are no different. When an adult performer or product has reached critical mass, it is necessary that a publicist be hired to sell him, her, or it within the porn industry.
You might think that the porn industry needn't be alerted, because no one in the porn industry has the need to buy these products, but having a publicist is a status symbol. You might also say that the press releases quoted below might have to be heavily edited before they are published, but that's not the point, either.
The following press releases arrived this week.
- Spears' literate screenplay focuses on the story of Tess and Linda, two sisters (both played by Daniels) whose lives couldn't have taken more divergent paths. Tess is shy and demure, and Linda is a rebellious hellion. Yet while their personalities couldn't be more dissimilar, the worlds they inhabit soon become inexorably linked in a web of madness and murder, and ultimately collide in a shocking, wholly unexpected twist ending. For her part, Daniels enthusiastically describes this intricately designed, carefully shaded dual role as having more dramatic depth than anything she's attempted before as a performer.
- Being bathed in the adoration of her devoted fans is nothing new or unusual for HellHouse Media's latest contract star Moxxie Maddron. Being bathed in unrelenting sunshine in a lush tropical climate just might be! Nevertheless, the newest addition to the ever growing empire of HellHouse is willing to brave the weather, however warm and lovely it might be, to make her debut appearance for Genesis Magazine at this year's EXXXOTICA Miami show.
- It has been one year since Silver Sinema launched it’s highly successful DVD line. Distributed by (PPM) Pure Play Media, the DVD Line has thus far delivered what it promised.
- Eli Cross is directing a very unique show for SexZ Pictures specifically designed for contract star Hillary Scott. Legitimate members of the media only are invited to cover this shoot.
- By day Tera will man the Teravision booth and will be joined by AVN “Performer of the Year” Sasha Grey, Charmane Star and other sexy stars of Teravision hits like Broken, Teradise Island 2 and XXXBox. In additions to photos, autographs and meeting thousands of fans, Tera will play hostesses to the weekend’s hottest party.
- Melrose Avenue in Hollywood has become famous as the place where movie stars and stylish people shop for the latest trendy fashions. April 20, 2008 is date when porn and fashion collide!
Previously: Jameson further distances herself from adult world via spelling; Free to Bree O or E; Gram saves steveporn's credibilityLabels: hype, sic, verbatim
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, March 14, 2008--
Jameson further distances herself from adult industry via spelling
 "Club Jenna CEO Jay Grdina is enthusiastic about the soon-to-be-released, all-new title from his company, Jenna Loves Diamonds. The movie stars, of course, the biggest adult performer of all time, Jenna Jameson." It seems trifling to point out that this is not a new movie. It was filmed in 2002. I wouldn't mention this if its press release didn't say that it was a new movie. If it were a new movie, Tito Ortiz would probably be wondering why Jenna Jamesont was on film having sex with her ex husband, Justing Sterling.
Club Jenna has released and will continue to release several Jameson movies posthumous to her career as a performer but, probably respecting her wish to distance herself from the porn world, the movie's website spells both her and her then-husband's name incorrectly.
I thought I knew what "no flaws" and "all new" meant, but I guess I don't. It seems to me that the shrewd effort to mine Jameson's stockpile would carry with it a commitment to quality control. Unless - now bear with me - no effort was made because porn fans are stupid.
That said, it is nice to see Jenna back in "I like porn" mode. A review will follow shortly.
Previously: Jenna Jameson and the future of the porn superstar; Back(draft) to Flashpoint
See also: ClubJenna, Jenna Loves DiamondsLabels: jenna jameson, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, February 12, 2008--
Free to Bree O or E
 I haven't had this much trouble since Amy Ried.
Adam & Eve contract star Bree Olson, who won her Best New Starlet AVN award as Bree Olson, and has an excellent blog that makes me want to put on a few pounds and install cable on BreeOlson.com, is all over the web as Bree Olsen.
I wanted to let you know that she is not Swedish, but Ukrainian. Let's restore her her second O to go with the two Es, OK?
That said, she shot a scene for Hustler prior to her Adam & Eve contract that was compiled into a movie called Anally Yours.
So if her name isn't Bree Olsen, who forged her signature?
Previously: Bree Olson to Hustler: Please, not on my face; From Carmen to Kayden
See also: Hustler, Adam & Eve, Bree OlsonLabels: "adam and eve", amy ried, bree olson, hustler, sic, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, January 24, 2008--
Fresh off the Articulated Bus
 With my jaw-dropping successes, more and more I find my signature and scintillating style copied and watered down by imitators (mostly in Hungarian factories). That is why I am sensitive to matters of intellectual piracy and have endeavored to distance myself from AVN's long-running "Fresh off the Bus" feature, reasoning that since Porn Valley's Orange Line is a series of articulated vehicles travelling on dedicated busways much more suited to conveying new porn talent to agencies like that owned by Lori Lust, a new title would be more appropriate.
Lori Lust is a performer originally from Michigan whose husband, Craig, writes great press releases about the model agency they own together.
Twenty female models were just added today at www.lorilustagency.com . Craig Stevens stated “there will be another ten more girls added next week, we’re growing like a weed”. But what is amazing is almost every model is new and has never shot before, and many are under 22 years of age. Amaya Davis, above, "Can easily do the little school girl look," says Craig. Maybe my own experience with Michigan schools is limited to Freaks And Geeks and The Big Chill, but this woman doesn't scream "schoolgirl" to me. Then again, why would I want to get into situations where someone was screaming "schoolgirl" at me?
 Cece Sinclaire is my favorite because she seems a little radiated. "She does Anal AND DP!" yells Craig. In general, I find that once someone goes Anal, double penetration is the toaster that comes free with the bank account. But that might just be people I know.
 Here's Michelle Mars, 28. "Great body; not one scar or tattoo," says Craig, adding: "Nice boobs."
"Thank you," I said.
Previously: Lust conquers media, Inbox
See also: My AVN "Fresh off the Bus" with Nautica Binx, 2003, Lori LustLabels: agency, avn, lori lust, new talent, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, November 26, 2007--
AVN to announce nominees today, grousing set to begin thereafter
 Nominees for the 2008 AVN Awards will be announced today, sources say, with other sources confirming plans for a 45-day stretch of bitching to commence immediately thereafter.
"We usually announce the Awards just before Thanksgiving, then go on vacation so we don't have to listen to the phone calls from irate producers and performers," said an AVN staffer who wished to remain anonymous.
But AVN employees sometimes give out their home phone numbers during less vulnerable times of the year, so they are often subject to bitching during the holiday weekend.
"It's hard to defend your employer's decision to not nominate Gape Fisting Fucktards for an acting category while saying grace over a turkey," the staffer said.
So the 25th annual awards will be announced later today instead.
"I've already got several numbers on speed dial," said one producer. "I plan to start with, 'So this is what a full-page ad gets me?!' and devolve from there. I do this every year."
AVN will announce a multitude of nominees in a multitude of categories, but company president Paul Fishbein noted that "not everyone will be happy."
"You're damn right I'm not happy," said the producer, who expects his Sybian Anime Dwarf series to be nominated in "at least 20" categories, including lesbian, though there are no lesbian scenes in any of the titles.
"I pay money, I expect a lesbian nomination," he stated.
When informed that nominations would be announced later, many AVN employees wished that they would not be announced at all, the staffer said.
"People will complain irregardlessly," he said.
"I AM GOING TO DECRY THE HATERS," stated one male performer on the message board Somebody Fuck Somebody. "IN THEIR GROWING NUMBERS. I HAVE BEEN IN THIS INDUSTRY LONG ENOUGH TO AT LEAST GET A BEST LESBIAN SCENE FOR MY EFFORTS."
Publicist Bill Mullet, who was recently diagnosed with a degenerative condition requiring him to send out no fewer than 50 press releases a week, nevertheless has a plan in place in case his client's film is not nominated.
"If it doesn't get nominated, I will say it is breaking sales records," he said. "If it does get nominated, I will say it is breaking sales records. It is a win/win/win situation."
At least one director is sanguine about the possibility of not being nominated.
"My hart is too big for this buienesss," he said in a prepared statement. "I cannt expektorate to be nomminated by corpirate MSM porn LOL. Thay dont recnize Art or alternativ bodays. The peepul who push things forward are nvr apreshiated in tahyr time."
The 25th AVN Awards will be held January 12 in Las Vegas. I will be co-hosting with Tera Patrick.
Previously: Male Performer of the Year*; Extended XBiz Awards still a fraction of AVN's; Tasteful "Ambition"
See also: AVN Awards, Also-Rannies 2007Labels: avn, awards, business, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, October 30, 2007--
Jehovah's Witnesses: Can their literature be avoided?
 A clean-cut Dad, walking with his family, approached me the other evening in my neighborhood and handed me a magazine that told me I was going to die.
"Something to read in your spare time?" he said.
Because I'd already torn through my copies of AVN and XBizWorld, I exulted (Acts 2:26) in the joy of having something new to read.
Imagine my hurt when all I saw was intolerance and vitriol (Psalms 31:13)?
I am shocked that people are allowed to roam our neighborhoods and hand out such filth.
Read more after the gap.
Awake!, a magazine for young Jehovah's Witnesses, uses the Bible as source material for an attack on pornography.
The December cover story, "Death: Is It Really the End?" (The answer: sort of) is clearly the money shot article, but the story "How can I avoid pornography?" cites passages in Thessalonians and Genesis decrying fornication and concupiscence, and says that the sin of viewing pornography results in death.
It was dark, so I didn't see the contents of the magazine. The pornography item was listed in small print on the cover. Had it been daylight, I only would have seen the Death article.
These children are going to die because they are looking at pornography. Especially the kid in the middle, because he's pandering. The kid on the right carries the same expression I wear every day. This picture also tells us that the DVD is dead and their dress indicates that what they are viewing is probably not steveporn.
Breathing heavily, I went to my Bible and checked the passages and indeed there were direct references therein to Dirtpipe Milkshakes and Girls Handling Cocks. How did they know?
Even though Awake! ends in an exclamation point, each article's title is a question. In addition to the stories I already mentioned, there is "Why Care for Earth's Environment?" (because), "Is There A Creator?" (yes), and "Why Do We Fear Death?" (because now we'll have to deal with Chico Wang in Hell, too).
In the article, kids stumble onto pornography online or in school, where porn is pasted in lockers and shared on cell phones, even though they understand it to be a "satanic attempt to devalue what Jehovah created to be honorable."
The cult's magazine is fascinating, with dressed-up digs at Catholics, Jews, and Eastern religions, and manufactured quotes worthy of a porn press release.
"It's a big thing at my school," said Denise. "On Monday, conversation seems to be, 'What pictures did you download to your cell over the weekend?'" Oh, Denise, you should have heard the conversation at my school.
A man named Jeff writes:
"Despite what its proponents may claim, there is nothing - absolutely nothing - positive about pornography. (It) is damaging, it is perverse, and it is demeaning to all parties concerned." Well you have obviously not seen the uplifting couples' porn of Michael Ninn. But I'm with you; I don't know a single person in this business who is happy with his company's health plan, and that is demeaning.
I hope I don't get disfellowshipped for this, but I am going to try to avoid Jehovah's Witnesses (Mat 24:11).
Previously: Report: Bitches evil; Oh JC's Girls, Book II; Images of heaven (that take me to hell)
See also: The Watchtower, DisfellowshippedLabels: found, God, jesus, literature, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, October 23, 2007--
Gram saves steveporn's credibility, party follows
  Earlier this year I pointed out to my friends at Vivid-steve that Kimberly Kane's upcoming movie, Triple Ecstacy, had one half of its title misspelled.
While I have lately been schooled in the philosophy that all mistakes are part of the rich fabric of experience, and therefore not really mistakes, I suggested the correct spelling at the time, just in case someone not as enlightened as I might happen along to dismiss the steveporn epic as not caring enough about the consumer to make a single pass through the most rudimentary QA.
Anyway, in gratefulness to me and in celebration of the release of the movie, Vivid-steve is holding a Triple Ecstasy party on Halloween night.
"We have an unlimited guest list for this event," Vivid-steve honcho Eon McKai wrote in a spellchecked internal memo. "Please extend an invitation to those interested."
Previously: Porn and spelling; "You're not one of us"; Kimberly Kane in "Triple Ecstacy" (fleshbot)Labels: "kimberly kane", eon mckai, events, sic, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, October 18, 2007--
Seen Here LastTM: Today's Domme Stoya
 StoyaTM, Pig-Spanish for the verb To Be, has become Digital Playground's newest contract performer.
"We wanted to cash in on the steveporn craze the emo kids are so concerned with," no one associated with the company said. "We figured: 'It's less work'."
Stoya's assimilation into Digital PlayBorg was announced during last week's Berlin Fair, an annual adult convention. She joins registered trademarks Jesse Jane, Shay Jordan, and Sophia Santi, the Katsumi/Katsuni hybrid, and the blissfully unfettered Teagan Presley. No accounting was made for Lacie Heart and Jana Cova in the accompanying press release.
Sources say that one more contract girl is in the offing. Digital Playground announced Katsumi and Lacie Heart within days of each other last December.
Our team of translators worked overtime parsing the press release, which seemed to peg Stoya as some kind of Predator-Next-Door:
Originally from the Carolina's, Stoya is blessed with striking features and a lean, tight body. Completely natural, she stands tall at 5'7" and weighs in at 125 lbs. Her pale skin is accentuated by dark hair and full, pouting lips. With an affliction for pain and suffering, Stoya defines herself only as an android from the future (emphasis added). She loves to make clothes, read good books and play with her cats. Truly unique and intensely passionate, Stoya takes pride in her nudity and general moody perception of the world. Out of all the things that are kinda weird about this press release, the thing that sticks with me is: what, exactly, is a general moody perception of the world? Does she have an affliction for moodiness? What about her cats? If I were to offend them, would her Cats Sue Me?
Stoya has a lovely face that makes her outfit in this picture seem like a Halloween costume for a woman who ran out of ideas for the party and at the last minute decided to go for Slutty. I hope our operatives can talk with her before she starts adding the "TM" to her autographs, because then it will be too late.
Previously: Oh, And Lacie Heart, too; Katsumi to join Robby D.'s hand; Jesse Jane: Seen here last!; Babysitters
See also: Digital Playground, RushLabels: "contract girls", Digital Playground, hype, jana cova, jesse jane, katsuni, shay j, sic, sophia santi, stoya, teagan presley
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, October 16, 2007--
Not the Bradys: Not the worst
 In porn, quality is often a fraction of its hype, and the more hype, the less deserving of it its object is. That is why savvy marketers come to me for my patented Hype:Quality Index. For mere thousands of dollars a month, I will tell public relations shills when to stop with the goddamn press releases already.
Because the hype on a project can negatively affect its perceived quality, a perfectly serviceable porn like Not the Bradys XXX suffered from its own bombastic marketing, making people avoid a movie that wasn't half bad.
And if something isn't half bad, it's more than likely half good!
Damn! I should be writing those press releases!
Read the review here.
Previously: A Small gallery of trucks being used as coitus surfaces in Hustler movies
See also: Porn Director Will Ryder Rides Hot StreakLabels: bill mullet, hype, reviews, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, October 12, 2007--
"You're not one of us": a steveporn odyssey
 Now and then I'll write an unflattering porn review and will be yelled at about it. But the other day I was shrieked at by Eon McKai, who couldn't understand why I suddenly didn't "get" him.
After a few years of generally positive reviews of his work I had abruptly become, by virtue of making several criticisms of his Debbie Loves Dallas, a hater like all the rest of them.
In two phone calls, three text messages, and five e-mails, demonstrating a command of media I wished had extended to his porn flick, the megalomaniacal McKai heaped on abuse and paranoia, and, full of indignance and shitting on everything he saw, banished me from the steveporn realm, population: Eon.
Just remember that this is a guy I have been very nice to in the past, who has hired me for promotional work because I understood his genius.
But don't take my word for it, take Eon's after the gap.
comment on fleshbot post
Gram you don't get it... guess you never did... keep filing flesh bot with MSM's taned over blown bodays..
Fleshbot was once great... now it's just Gram...
doode honlisty... why come on here where my people get info and fill there head with such shit?
you don't know what time it is*
you don't get it
you fill the bot with shit form porns vally
plese go away allready so we can get on with pushing things forward...
I work too hard to get where I am and to push the movment forward to have you going on and on not geting it... on the bot a place where I'm most gotten... till now...
don't hit me up for screeners aney more
-Eon McKai
-*(and Flava Flav)
I had asked for a Debbie screener because Fleshbot wanted me to review it and I haven't been receiving Vivid screeners lately. I mentioned this to McKai when I called him several days before. McKai said he didn't know why I was not on the screener list. He quickly sent me his movie and three others.
In a UPS box the day I reviewed the film, McKai sent me Stood Up, which I had already reviewed, Tristan Taormino's Chemistry 3, and the original and sequel of Paul Thomas' Fade to Black movies, which I'd heard were good, along with Debbie. I watched McKai's movie through lunch.
I noticed several things that other directors might call mistakes, and the directing seemed inconsistent. Some actors acted like they were in a different movie. I Instant-Messaged McKai, and he assured me that everything in the movie was a choice. We then realized we disagreed about how good or bad several performers were. An actress that I thought was good he thought was awful.
So was the inclusion of what the director thought was an awful performance a choice? How does one direct an awful performance? Awfully?
After I had submitted my review of Debbie Loves Dallas to Fleshbot, where I usually post reviews prior to re-running them on my own site, I received a call from McKai, which I missed.
phone message
"I just wanted to say fuck you, Gram...I wanted to let you know that I have moved the 'Vivid-Alt' contest from Fleshbot to another site...I should have figured out when you asked for the movie what you were up to...I broke my fucking back on that movie for you to say I phoned it in...I stand a hundred percent behind every shot in that film and everything was a choice...so fuck off and go away."
- Eon McKai
I wondered if he thought, based on my previous good reviews of his work, that I had suddenly decided to find fault. I wondered if he suspected that every time he'd thought I "got it" before was just a fakeout for the hammer blow of the Debbie review? Notwithstanding, I am going to use "I should have known what you were up to" as often as I can in everyday conversation.
I listened to his message while walking to the subway (yes, there are subways in Los Angeles) but was then interrupted by a call about Brian Surewood. When I got home McKai called again, and this time I picked up. I'll emphasize that I have his number and he has mine.
"Hi Eon," I said.
"I just wanted to say fuck you in person," McKai said.
"OK," I said.
After about 45 seconds of listening to him tell me (I think - it was loud) about modernism vs. post-modernism and how (I think - it was loud) I had reviewed a post-modern movie modernistically, I got in a question edgewise and asked, "Eon, are we going to have a conversation or are you going to shriek at me?"
"I'm going to shriek - " he said, and I said Goodbye and hung up. Sorry, but post-modernism is a rigorous style, not something you invoke to explain your mistakes afterward.
e-mail message
And do us all a favor stop wrighting for fleshbot. So it can be great
sight agen. Also u sugest a pots modern salution to a modern theroy.
Don't touch what u don't know.
You should of skiped revering a movie u so odviuly don't get.
I'm still supper pissed off about this
-Eon McKai You might notice that McKai does not pay attention to spelling. I am comfortable saying this is a learning disability rather than laziness. But spelling errors abound in various points of the movie. Does spelling matter in porn? Nope, but someone who knows he can't spell but won't bother with a spell-check is the same "doode" who can't be bothered to edit out the background noise.
"Quit flesh bot," McKai texted me after I hung up the phone.
Then, immediately after: "Go away."
I showed these messages around the dinner table. It was remarked that a three-year-old we know recently learned to say "Go away" at pre-school.
Then, a minute later: "You're not one of us."
This was amazing. McKai is in his late 30's. What cool kids' group did he think he was kicking me out of? And what kind of people are in it now? Do they wear little steveporn buttons that read "You're not one of us"?
When I first met McKai he gave me the impression that he was at least ten years younger than he is, in the presentation of certain facts about schooling, etc. He chose not to correct my mistaken assumption of his years. He admitted that he had created a persona, but I didn't know it included lying about his age. He presented an image of a precocious kid in his early 20's, full of ideas. What is forgivable in a person of one age is not in another, like Capri pants.
When the review came out, McKai spent most of the first day calling Fleshbot's editor. Fleshbot.com has given a lot of attention to McKai, and McKai felt it was a betrayal that the site would run such an unfavorable piece about him. This is not the first time I have been told on for having the gall to write what I felt. After this review, my editor got the same series of phone calls from a remarkably similar group of people.
I didn't think Eon McKai's Debbie Loves Dallas was a great movie. While it aspired to interesting things like loopy montages and the incorporation of an original soundtrack, other elements, like screwball comedy, fell flat. I also thought the movie was distractingly self-aware and sloppily directed.
e-mail message
Hi Eon,
I'm sorry my review hurt your feelings. I've certainly liked some of your previous work, and I will admit that when your stuff comes up I have high expectations. I did not want to not like your "Debbie"; it would be much easier if I loved everything, because it is harder to write a bad review.
Yours, Gram McKai's Girls Lie as well as several sections of Neu Wave Hookers were very impressive. But the best thing I can say about his treatment of Debbie is that he was trying hard at the wrong things.
e-mail message
"Fuck off and go away."
-Eon McKai I gave McKai a chance to defend his work on the day I reviewed the movie. I get my porn movies free, but I do feel an obligation to consumers who might spend money on a product that isn't up to snuff. When I'd I.M.'d McKai with my concerns about Debbie's quality control he responded with:
"Write what you feel." So I did.
A day later, his e-mails just kept coming, whether or not I responded. McKai thrives on drama of his own creation.
One way he does this is by contacting the colleagues of people who've hurt him and not-so-subtly suggesting a personnel change. In my case, whether or not Fleshbot actually lost the coveted Vivid-Alt contest, McKai really wanted me to know he'd gone over my head.
e-mail message
sweet... keep felling fleshbot with tan boddys... as it dies slowly
- I'll point out that Vivid is in the business of "tan boddys"...like them or not, that is what sells for Vivid-Alt's parent company.
are you trying to make fleshbot.com as crappy as every other run of
the mill porn review sight?
- When I say good things about Eon McKai or when I say bad things about Eon McKai?
I should have seen the righting on the wall when vivid pulled you off
the screener list
- Yes, but would you have been able to read it?
and when
Tristen said you were fucked
- I think that refers to a previous coup attempt, but I can't be sure
with time all is revealed... and time had just revealed your true
hart. You would rater go the the sensation of bashing me on the verry
websight the brought me up...
- It truly is amazing how my true hart lay dormant all this time, like the Manchurian Candidate
thats very tabloid of you Gram and I thought you were more than that
but your not
- All these mixed messages. "Write what you feel"/"Don't write what you feel."
you fill flesbot with porn valley crap for the most part.
- And the company paying your salary is the King of Porn Valley
I would hope you would just have the good cence to walk away from
what you did not understand...
- And you might have had the sense to walk toward a Final Cut Pro manual
I'm afrade your more common than we all expected
- Here McKai invokes a group of invisibles who are woeful and disappointed in me. I would like to think of them as vengeful Japanese ghosts, a la The Grudge
you don't have my permission to to post anetying I wright to you or
text or aim
- Sorry, Dumbass, I didn't ask you to fill my mailbox. I will give you the respect of not correcting your spelling
just stay away from what I do*... thank you
- By "do", do you mean your stable job not dependent on sales of your movies?
fuck you have me really pissed off here
- I'm just sitting here. I think you've pissed off yourself. Why don't you film it?
I'm wishing I never sent you those screeners
- Well, I might not watch Chemistry, but I'm told I'll like Fade to Black
avoid me please
- Hold on. Didn't you - Yes, you did* - just say that?
and please tell people girls lie sucks because I don't want someone
like you defending me.
- Haven't you listened to a word I've said? Girls Lie is pretty good! It's Debbie Loves Dallas that kinda sucks. It would have been better had Ron Royster directed it.
His last e-mail to me was a link to some kind of RSS aggregator. I couldn't open it, so I e-mailed him back to please resend it. Instead, he wrote:
Its what fleshbot looks like with u removed. I collected his e-mails and text messages and sent them to Vivid president Steve Hirsch. I had not taken the bait in any of the previous exchanges, but I really felt he would harass me all week and use up his Vivid paycheck on wireless minutes if I didn't tell him to settle down.
e-mail message
Thank you. Now, since you have several times in various media told me to "go away" in the past twelve hours, I'll have to ask you to stop harassing me. You are free, of course, to say whatever you want anywhere you want wherever people can still tolerate you, but do not contact me again.
Yours, Gram Read the review of Debbie Loves Dallas here.
Previously: Girls Lie review; Neu Wave Hookers review; Eon McKai and the elephant in the room; My Vivid visitLabels: conflict, eon mckai, interviews, sic, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, October 02, 2007--
Report: Andrew Blake even capitalizes the word "Film" when speaking
 Since it is well-known that erectile tissue does not function at its best without a good basis in grammar, it was interesting to see that gauzy eroticist Andrew Blake transcended quotation marks to explain his Importance.
Describing X2, starring Elena "Rivera, who stars in a series of erotic dream-like sequences, (and) showcases not only her true beauty but her ability to mesmerize and visually stimulate all who gaze upon her," Blake said:
“The Film creates a whole new abstract cinema experience for the viewers by mixing erotica with a sensual backdrop of contemporary ambient music.”
Wait a minute, so you're saying that 75 percent of couples' porn over the past 15 years has not been accompanied by a soundtrack of contemporary ambient music?
Blake is an extremely gifted director, but most porn movies should only be advertised with the simple logline: These Woman Will Make Your Peen Straighten. All the rest is overkill.
By the way, if you have any erotica hanging around that you need a sensual backdrop of contemporary ambient music for, click here.
Previously: 20 short films by Andrew Blake
See also: Andrew Blake, View the X2 trailerLabels: andrew blake, couples, new porn daily, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, September 25, 2007--
Shameless promotion
 "The images, text and videos on this site belong exclusively to Digital Playground and are protected under copyright.
By downloading images from this site, you agree to adhere to the following terms:
(1) Digital Playground content may ONLY be used in the promotion and marketing of Digital Playground titles, stars, directors and entities, unless otherwise negotiated and executed in writing. Any other use, publication, reference or commercialization is strictly prohibited.
(2) Photo credit is required on each image in a font that is legible to the naked eye, as follows: When a contract star is pictured, "Image of Jesse Jane (or replace 'Jesse Jane' with the name of pictured contract star) is courtesy of DigitalPlayground.com"
and
When a non-contract star is pictured, "Image from Island Fever 4 (or replace 'Island Fever 4' with name of pictured movie) is courtesy of DigitalPlayground.com
These terms are not negotiable and damages will be sought for any and all copyright infringements." Er, go buy Contract Star?
Previously: Shane's World made me a dick; Eon McKai and the elephant in the room; Mug shotLabels: Digital Playground, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, September 10, 2007--
Squirting and self-censorship
 I visited the set of Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party prior to my vacation and wrote about it for the adult trade magazine XBiz in a story that will be published next month. Because I am so goddamn good at what I do, I rarely get edited and can generally print whatever I please, including my tangential thoughts on natural childbirth, salmon ladders, and alien autopsies.
Still, I did leave a word out of the first paragraph of my XBiz story because folks get touchy. See if you can determine which one it was in the un-self-expurgated version after the gap.
After awhile, watching a porn movie being shot seems less like an event than a job, and that’s how it should be. After all, this is a legitimate business. But visiting one of Cousin Stevie’s Pussy Partys allows the observer to rediscover the childlike wonder of watching someone squirt all over a rented Encino wall.
 Anyway, Sindee Jennings' squirting was the big gun of the day, but I especially liked Annabelle Lee and Lexi Love. If Jennings' aquabatics was Star Wars, then Love and Lee were like the Falkland Islands Conflict; I was assured that nothing would fly out at me and everything was pleasant.
See a gallery here.
Previously: The Famous Vagina of Amber Peach; Squirting and terrrorism; Masturbation and shame
See also: Cousin Stevie, XBiz Labels: "cousin stevie", annabelle lee, lexi love, pussy party, sic, sindee jennings, squirting, xbiz
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, August 07, 2007--
Wayne Hentai: Pornslinger
 Now that Hillary Clinton has stood up for a vilified profession, the "real Americans" known as Washington lobbyists, I finally have the courage to put in a good word for a class of people that, but for several bad apples who smear the whole profession, are hard-working, bright, and conscientious folk: Porn Valley's publicists.
I speak with the Dean of Adult Industry publicists, Wayne Hentai, after the gap.
Only one of the publicists working in the adult business today has a journalism background. Wayne Hentai, director of Hentai Public Relations of Canoga Park, ran the news desk at the University of Hawaii student newspaper and, following his graduation with a degree in journalism, worked as a stringer for Pacific Business News. After a year in Taiwan employed by an export company, he accepted the newly-created DVD editor position at Adult Video News, a trade publication.
"Business reporting is very good training for an understanding of money, retail, law, technology, and distribution," he said, "which, along with naked ladies, is what the adult industry is all about."
In the mid-1990s, when adult company heads realized that competition and cheap, increased replication had increased to the point that porn no longer sold itself, they took a cue from Hollywood and hired publicists to tell the world, which at that time meant AVN, that their product was better.
Prior to this, company sales reps and the owners themselves acted as publicists, but in the face of an onslaught of comparable content from competitors, Publicist became a job description unto itself.
The publicist's job, at first, was to get articles into AVN. The good publicist's mailing list has increased by one with each media outlet that has appeared to address AVN's deficiencies or to take a run at AVN's dominance.
"Respecting the editor's job is the key to getting your client's stories published on a website or print publication," Hentai said. "If an editor has to rewrite press releases because they don't appear to be in English or if there's no news enclosed, that tends to breed ill will."
Hentai is correct, but bad or not, press releases still get printed. Editors have resorted to creating aliases to hide their shame of printing these things as news stories or have, like AVNOnline and XBiz, created a PR ghetto where press releases languish unedited.
At a recent seminar conducted by XBiz editors in Las Vegas, Hentai's work was singled out as the type of material magazines look for.
"I don't care if we get nine press releases from Wayne a day," Associate Editor Anne Winter said. "We print them because they are relevant and well-written."
And because they are not filled with references to Hentai.
"The most important thing to remember is that the person signing the checks should be the person getting the publicity," Hentai said. "I stand in the background. Writers don't want to write 'Lexington Steele's publicist said'."
Then why do publicists get away with that?
"No comment," Hentai said.
I think because porn is a visual medium that adult companies and the publicists they've hired have not emphasized a command of English as a priority of the job. Instead, a steady stream of newsless "press releases" have issued from companies, and because trade publications nominally need words that will go along with the advertising, these press releases provide excellent filler.
So trade publications and the publicists that fed them created a mutually parasitic relationship that threatened the real news editors tried to print. As in the mainstream world, a story unfavorable to an advertiser was toned down or killed. Eventually editors, who were never the managers of the publications, learned to avoid particularly thorny issues within the industry and instead pointed their anger outside, at external threats to the adult industry, such as the government or annoying copyright law.
Most publicists, then, thrive in an industry ducking for cover under a low ceiling of expectations, hence press releases an eighth grader would be embarrassed to write (or for which would at least get a D).
Hentai is different, and frustrated.
"There's no shame in using a spell-check," he said, "but I wonder when people will start connecting poor press with poor sales?"
I think this a long way off. I recently had a conversation with a porn director who said that he reads the various adult sites every day, hoping his name will be mentioned. I had counseled him that I would not run a press release that was written just for the sake of having a press release out.
"You don't invent a reason to send out a press release," I said.
"But everyone else is sending out press releases," he said, and he meant it, and it's true.
"But they look like idiots," I said, and I meant it, and it's true.
"The adult industry is a bubble," Hentai said, "and the people in the bubble aren't the ones buying adult products. Are you getting all your porn for free?"
"Yes," I sobbed.
"Presss releases need to be written for the people actually buying the product, because they are judged by the same standards as any other press release."
"So 'Good enough for Porn' isn't a business model that works anymore?" I asked.
"Five years ago, maybe," he said.
Hentai currently represents several clients, including Lexington Steele's Mercenary Pictures, American Xcess, Third World Media, Sinsation, and Lethal Hardcore. He works for smaller companies on a case by case basis.
I mentioned my conversation with the director who just wanted to see his name in print.
"Can't you feed someone's vanity and take their money at the same time?" I asked.
"I tell my clients that putting them in the best light sometimes means not writing something every other day," Hentai said. "You need a good balance of actual information to publicity or the project is doomed to collapse under its own hype."
Previously: Iran calls porn performers "Corruptors of the World"; Adult industry to sic itself on bad grammar; Passages; Continuing education credits
See also: Hentai PRLabels: business, hype, interviews, lexington steele, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, August 06, 2007--
Strippers tomorrow, in the past
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, July 23, 2007--
Porn stars in my past, nipples in the news
 I went to college with a guy named Brian and a woman named Jennifer (as did many of us). One day, Brian came into our dorm's common room, prior to the television being tossed out the window, and said:
"Jen's got nips that are two and a half inches out."
Read more about my confusion at this statement and how it turns out Vicky Vette wasn't in my Economics class, one click away.
In the older porn performer world, few hold a candle to Vicky Vette, who this week announced she has two-and-a-half inch nipples. Unfortunately what Vette calls nipples are actually her areolae, the pigmented areas surrounding her nipples.
 Vicky supplies a picture of her areola against a Stanley measuring tape. I hate to school porn stars on aspects of their own anatomies, but Hey, I'm a Latin fan.
Now Havana Ginger - that chick's areolae must be about three feet in diameter.
When I read Vette's claim of such huge nipples I naturally assumed that yet another person from my numerous almae matres had taken up a porn career. Oh well.
Anyway, when Brian came into our common area I thought he was talking about Jennifer's ethnicity, which happened to be Japanese, because why say "nip" when "nipple" is just one syllable more?
I later saw Jennifer's nips myself (after she'd washed Brian off them) and they were totally 2.5" perpendicular to her body. In fact, they were perpendictastic. I measured them with a ruler I'd had since second grade and, with a little work, we got the left one out to 2 and 7/8". I should've taken pictures, but I wasn't that kind of person then.
Anyway, Vicky Vette, her areolae, and every other glorious part of her will be appearing tonight at SexCamCentral and Wednesday with Lisa Sparxxx in a special "Presidential Boob Debate".
Don't worry, Vicky, I'm sure Sen. Sam Brownback couldn't point out an areola, either.
Previously: Recovering Vette; No Morals!
See also: Vicky Vette, The difference between an areola and an aureolaLabels: breasts, cams, havana ginger, MILF, sic, vicky vette, website
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, June 28, 2007--
Gram Ponante launches iLick
 LOS ANGELES -- Hot on the heels of Digital Playground and Playboy announcing that the companies had somehow found a way to transfer pornography to Apple's iPhone (due in stores tomorrow), Gram Ponante said that he will be using the United States Postal Service's self-adhesive stamp technology on his personal and business correspondence.
"Licking stamps is for garlic eaters and reprobates," Ponante scoffed. "I am partnering with the USPS to create a world in which all a user has to do is peel a stamp from some kind of coated backing and then to affix it, saliva-free, on any kind of paper-based enveloping device in order to, like, mail it."
Ponante held Playboy's and Digital Playground's press releases in his hand. "Check these out," he said. "I am mailing these to my Ukrainian mail-order bride because my XBiz mousepad just broke."
Steve Jobs has delivered the hardware and now Hugh Hefner has delivered the software. With the eagerly-anticipated Apple iPhone finally in retail stores, Playboy.com is celebrating the glorious gadget with the launch of “iPlayboy,” a collection of multimedia features guaranteed to turn up the heat on that cool, new phone. "I think it's great that Hef spent all that time programming and delivering software," Ponante, now guzzling limoncello at a Ventura Blvd. restaurant for fat people, said. "And you would be amazed at how far up Cupertino's ass Digital Playground has got."
Digital Playground is pleased to announce an early alliance to Apple's iPhone with 158 full-length trailers available free of charge, for immediate download. "This alliance will be every bit as significant and effective as the Rebel Alliance in Star Wars," Ponante sagely predicted, nibbling Porcini mushrooms off the concave abdomen of a starlet hanging around outside the shuttered offices of World Modeling.
America's Beloved Porn Journalist reflected that announcing one could put porn on an iPhone was like sending out a press release saying that you had moved your air freshener from one car to another.
"A Playboy air freshener," Ponante added, flash-frying a whole turkey at a tony Sylmar Superfund site.
Vivid Entertainment sales manager Howard Levine confirmed today that the long-awaited Blu-ray edition of Paul Thomas' Debbie Does Dallas...Again has arrived in house following a series of delays. The disc ships to stores next week. (AVN)
Ponante has been touting iLick technology since last year, and even mounted huge banners proclaiming it at January's AVN show, but he only recently sent away for the self-adhesive stamps. Since he pays all his bills online and rarely sends letters, he is thinking of using the new stamps next week to send a postcard to his mother, Lita Ford.
Previously: Playboy releases Asians clutching at underwear line; Report: porn industry to utilize Internet; Caprica Six gets a ten; Scenes from the classs struggle in Playboy's Penthouse; Who-ray came first?; Digital Playground's cavalcade of synonyms
See also: Playboy, Digital Playground, Vivid, Apple, United States Postal ServiceLabels: Apple, Digital Playground, hype, playboy, sic, technology, vivid
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, June 26, 2007--
Penthouse gets Bree-sic
 I have superimposed some text from the press release hyping Penthouse Digital's Smut Peddler on the official photo, so far. I hope you like the delivery in the face.
Previously: Lori Lust agency explodes, survivor writes press release; Publicist: Honolulu secedes in honor of Thorn homecoming; Adult industry to sic itself on bad grammar
See also: PenthouseLabels: hype, penthouse, sic
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, May 23, 2007--
Case Study: Porn rumors and how to handle them
 I try to get a few independent sources before I print anything I hear as a rumor. That is why I print ver |
Everyone needs marketing (and a car) in California, and porn stars are no different. When an adult performer or product has reached critical mass, it is necessary that a publicist be hired to sell him, her, or it within the porn industry.
