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Friday, July 03, 2009
God, grant me Sasha Grey
 Sasha Grey considers this Serenity Prayer after having someone's moral inventory dumped on her chest.She is a good sport, that Sasha Grey. (She only smiles for me and Soderbergh.) Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Sasha Grey - the end of innocence; We're all Max Hardcore when we drink See also: Sasha Grey Labels: alcohol, sasha grey ¶ Friday, July 03, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post 
Monday, June 22, 2009
"The Five" has ten boobs, but what does it mean?
 I recently watched Adam & Eve's "The Five" and, despite the numerology craze sweeping the adult industry in preparation for the End Times, was unable to decipher the movie from an eschatological perspective.Does "The Five" stand for Bree Olson's available holes? There's the three obvious ones, but there's at least six more, and then you can't discount her pores. Does "The Five" stand for the Roman numeral for five, V, which is my own shorthand for "vagina"?  Is "The Five" how many minutes Sasha Grey had with the script before brilliantly improvising 17 pages of dialogue?Does "The Five" refer to the denomination of bill I slipped to the doorman to let me take these on-set pictures?  Does "The Five" refer to the number after the decimal point that describes Jenna Haze's basement apartment? Or - and what is more likely - does "The Five" refer to the number of lamps in this photo?
See also: Adam & Eve Labels: "adam and eve", bree olson, jenna haze, monday reviews, sasha grey ¶ Monday, June 22, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Professional johns review "The Girlfriend Experience"
 No matter how you slice it, Sasha Grey comes out the winner regardless of how Steven Soderbergh's "The Girlfriend Experience " is reviewed. Shot on the newish, ultra-lightweight red digital cameras, the film looks beautiful and Grey has done what many porn performers have done before - play a sex worker of some kind in a mainstream movie - except not as a punchline.I went to the Erotic Review, the top site for rankings of "service providers," and found uniformly scathing reviews of the movie. "There's not one interesting character in the film," one reviewer said, "cold and soulless," said another. Another reviewer speculated that Soderbergh used Grey as the best marketing possible for a movie he knew would be small - it was released in theatres, cable, and on VOD the same day. Set in the financial meltdown, pre-election Fall of 2008 (this movie was released faster than most Vivid films), "The Girlfriend Experience " devotes a lot of its script to discussions about money - negotiations for more or less of it, the fear of losing it, the quest for more of it.So, even if the movie tanks, Sasha Grey has made out in the transaction. There are no explicit sex scenes in the movie, Grey's eyebrows look great (or are a distraction) and the whole movie serves as an excellent addition to Grey's promo reel. It doesn't matter if the movie tanks; Grey has taken a step up by association. In fact, it is as if Grey's cold, soulless character is a human manifestation of the sentient planet in Soderbergh's "Solaris."
See also: Sasha Grey, 2929 Productions; My Girlfriend Experience - A Set Diary, by Glenn Kenny; "The Girlfriend Experince" reaction on The Erotic Review Labels: geekery, mainstream movies, prosties, sasha grey, steven soderbergh ¶ Thursday, May 28, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Hustler avoids saying "Sector 69" in "Star Trek" parody
This is truly a place where no porn movie has gone before. In fact, such exacting research was done on this porn movie that it appears it is a tribute to "Where No Man Has Gone Before," the first "Star Trek" episode that actually featured Captain Kirk. Yes, I'm geekishly pushing my glasses up now, but it's only because my hands are free (your mom is blowing me.) Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Arianna Huffington validates porn parodies; Does Caprica look like Zion to you?; This Ain't the Partridge Family XXX See also: Hustler Labels: Evan Stone, geekery, hustler, jenna haze, Nick Manning, porn parodies, sasha grey ¶ Tuesday, April 28, 2009 2 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Amy Fisher: MILF over Miami
 Exxotica Miami, which in the past three years has grown to be the East Coast's biggest adult consumer show, next month features Amy Fisher hosting "The Search for South Florida's Hottest MILF."And the contest is on Mother's Day, May 10. I know of no other way for Dade County's moms to show their devotion to their children than by proving to the men who impregnated them that they are still desirable to porn fans who paid upwards of $35 a day to hoot at them. Imagine the joy on the faces of her brood when Mom comes home, glistening with sweat and melon body spray, covered with paw prints, and clutching a voucher for a trip to Jamaica. "You're leaving us again, Mom?" they weep. "Mommy only looks this good when she stays far away from you," she'll say tenderly. Amy Fisher, who has played both Lolita and MILF roles, joins fellow Milves Jesse Jane, Savanna Samson, Teagan Presley, and Eva Angelina at the event, as well as Ron Jeremy, Stoya, Jenna Haze, Sasha Grey, Kayden Kross, Bree Olson, and the Wicked Girls, as well as Florida's Own Sunny Lane. The weekend also features the return of 2 Live Crew, who once uttered the immortal words: That Dick!Exxotica Miami runs from May 8th through May 10th. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: A clockwork tradeshow; Amy Fisher - it's not personal; 2 Live Crew's Luke quits music See also: Amy Fisher, Exxxotica Miami Labels: amy fisher, bree olson, eva angelina, events, florida, hip hop, jenna haze, Kayden Kross, MILF, ron jeremy, sasha grey, savanna samson, stoya, sunny lane, teagan presley, wicked ¶ Tuesday, April 21, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Lisa Ann snatches Eminem from obscurity
 Lisa Ann becomes the first porn star to reprise a character she created for an adult film in Eminem's "We Made You." And she, as Sarah Palin, has a pretty big role, too, cavorting with Mr. Mathers (dressed as Bret Michaels), an eskimo, and a polar bear. The video also features impersonations of Amy Winehouse, Kim Kardashian, and Jessica Simpson, with Dr. Dre turning up as commander of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Myself, I have no idea whatsoever why Eminem is popular. I have had long discussions with Dre about this, and he says, "Grams, you just don't understand the kids."Damn right I don't. If I did, I'd have no business running America's Beloved Adult Website.  Regardless, Eminem videos have long supplied porn actresses with several days of AFTRA wages. Both Jenna Jameson and Gina Lynn have been featured in Eminem videos, which sport social commentary every bit as creative and complex as that of Bill O'Reilly.We need our nation's porn stars in classy music videos. I'm really hoping Kimberly Kane shows up in a re-formed Roxy Music video, or Sasha Grey clones herself to populate the remake of "Addicted to Love." In the meantime, perhaps Eminem will reprise his role as the obsessed latent homosexual stalker Stan for a Chi Chi LaRue movie? Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Porn stars stay connected - but at what cost?; Nailin' Paylin for America; Ashlynn Brooke and Tommy Gunn deliver poignant anti-alcohol message See also: We Made You Labels: eminem, gina lynn, hip hop, jenna jameson, Kimberly Kane, lisa ann, pop, sarah palin, sasha grey ¶ Tuesday, April 14, 2009 3 Comments Links to this post
Monday, April 06, 2009
Matthew, Mark, Throat, and johns
 It's Holy Week at Vivid, and Paul Thomas and Sasha Grey have at least 75 percent of the Gospels wrapped up.I'm sure it is the deepest hope of many people connected to individuals in the Porno-Industrial Complex that their loved ones throw down their Fleet enemas, designer lubes, and pthalate-free inflatable Pamela Peakses in favor of picking up a Bible. Recently I did just that. The occasion was Vivid's Throat: A Cautionary Tale, in which Sasha Grey becomes the latest heir of Linda Lovelace, shocked and delighted to learn that her citoris is in her throat. I thought the movie was excellent (see the review here), though I was saddened that such a worthy effort needed a shamtastic Showtime infomercial to accompany it. Grey was a treat, as were the performances of Tom Byron and Penny Flame. (Like my pants, Penny Flame gets hotter as she ages.) Byron and Flame had a B story as a couple of L.A. detectives. In a mainstream movie, their storyline would have seemed tacked on. But since this was porn, I thought, "Hey! They tacked something on! How thoughtful!" It was Herschel Savage, however, playing a red herring (eating) Hasidic Jew that sent me on a spiritual quest. Savage's character shows up as a mouth-breathing fan of Grey's peep show who triggers her innate stripper's misanthropy. "Isn't this against your religion?" she says. "Aren't you disgusted with yourself?" (He answers in the affirmative both times, then pays her money to blow him.) Savage is significant in the events leading up to Grey's death (the movie is told in flashback, right up there with "The Name of the Rose" and the Phil Collins video "Billy Don't Lose My Number") and utters a line from the Bible at a pivotal moment. Unfortunately, the Orthodox Jew took a line from the wrong testament. Could it be that the Jews who allegedly run the porn world aren't observant? I'd ask (former porn blogger) Luke Ford, if anything to have my headline make more sense, but he is as pareve as they come. Savage's line comes from the Gospel of Matthew, the first Gospel in the New Testament. Why Savage chose to give Grey a life lesson based on a book he didn't believe in is a mystery. Maybe his character wasn't Jewish after all? Maybe he was impersonating a Jew to give his character moral weight or extra pathos? Or, more likely, maybe producers thought that any Bible line would do because audiences are dopes? Next time I do a P.O.V. movie I'm going to say, "Here's my first letter to the Ephesians on your face, you sluts."  But lest we think Matthew is the only gospeler represented in porn this week, let's not forget Mark. The Gospel of Mark was the source material of Norman Jewison's 1973 movie version of the Andrew Lloyd Weber/Tim Rice rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar which starred Paul Thomas as Peter."Yvonne Elliman (Mary Magdalene) had just seen 'Deep Throat' but wanted to know what one was like," PT said of his time shooting the Norman Jewison classic. "So we went off to the desert and she practiced her deep throating techniques on some of the, er, saints." So, while I think having a Hasidic character bust out the Gospel of Matthew is as unfortunate as having Ozzy Osbourne t-shirts on sale at Ian Gillan-era Black Sabbath shows (and remember that Ian Gillan originated the title character's role in "Jesus Christ Superstar"), that should not dissuade you from immediately watching Throat, because it's a porn movie and it has sex in it. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Paul Thomas Superstar; Throat - A Cautionary Tale; Vivid at 25 - porn with a little reality; Sasha Grey - the end of innocence See also: Vivid Labels: "paul thomas", herschel savage, jesus, paul fishbein, penny flame, pop, sasha grey, tom byron ¶ Monday, April 06, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post
Friday, March 13, 2009
Sasha Grey: The End of Innocence
 Tomorrow Sasha Grey turns 21. She will celebrate it in Vegas at Tao, and I am assuming she will reposition the 25 or so cutouts of Tera Patrick in order to make the joint more personal. She will also drink a lot of single malt scotch, which I'm sure she will sip demurely despite the fact that there will be hoses full of it at the ready should she decide to cut loose.That Grey is now an established porn star, actor, and model at 21 throws into relief Nina Hartley's rise to fame. Hartley, who turned 50 earlier this week, said that she got into the business at 25 and had to work her way up. While Grey has certainly worked hard, the fame that she has achieved in 2009 is much different than that available to performers in the long period of porn's consumer explosion in the 80's and 90's. Deep Throat ushered in "porn chic" in the early 70's, a period that lasted a few years and which has not returned until recently, with help from people like Grey who can much more easily and competently straddle a line blurred by people like Hartley. Early reviews for Steven Soderbergh's The Girlfriend Experience, in which Grey's character supplies the title, are positive. A friend saw a work print at Sundance and said Grey was "a natural, and gorgeous." Her nude scenes are limited to a couple of tame interludes and the rest of the movie she spends in scripted improvisations with the rest of the cast. Grey grew up in North Highlands, an unincorporated area 10 miles north of Sacramento. She chose her words carefully in describing it.  "I wouldn't want to raise kids there, but it made me a real strong fucking person, that's for sure," she said. "It taught me that no one is going to do it for you."Grey researched the adult industry before she started, and her first scene was an auspicious one, for John Stagliano in Evil Angel's Fashionistas: Safado. "I still can't believe my luck with meeting those people," Grey said. "And Belladonna is so nice. It meant a lot for the way I thought of this business that that was my first movie."  Grey noticed that when she started getting noticed, that her casual mentions of bands, filmmakers, or books she liked fell under the type of condescending scrutiny often reserved for porn performers."I'd profess my love for a band or a film and people would give me a hard time about it," she said. "Why are people so shocked that I like French New Wave [cinema]?" And some of the scrutiny came from within the adult industry. "You have to control your anger in this business," she said. "You have to be the bigger person, when other people are trying to tear you down."  Grey says she is not concerned about a "persona" other than being given the freedom to be herself. Indeed, she has continued to appear in everything from the grittiest gonzo movie to features, showing a sly sense of humor in movies like Digital Playground's Nurses, Rob Rotten's Swallow My Children, and Vivid's Deeper Throat.Despite Grey's mainstream profile, she has continued putting in hours on porn sets and has shown no signs of flying the coop, which is at odds with the common perception that porn performers think of the adult world as a stepping stone to mainstream riches. Since this has rarely been the case in practice, it provides fodder for critics to show how self-deluding adult performers are.  But Grey seems to treat one job like another regardless of what side of the Hollywood Hills it is filmed on. And that might be a reflection of not having to prove herself to anyone but herself. It's not a political statement, she is not a sexual revolutionary, and she is not holding a grudge.Well, maybe one. "I used to work in a restaurant with a bunch of idiots," she said. "I can't tell you how much I love the porn business by comparison." Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Live in My Secrets; Gram's Index; Gram announces Oscars of Porn; Spiegler's porn dorm See also: Sasha Grey Labels: belladonna, Digital Playground, john stagliano, nina hartley, rob rotten, sasha grey, tera patrick, vivid ¶ Friday, March 13, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Working on a sex pharm: The HMO-erotic Nurses
 Two months after production of Pirates 2 wrapped last year, Digital Playground went north to Santa Clarita for five days in July to shoot Nurses, which follows Babysitters (and will probably precede Stewardesses, Policewomen, and, if I'm lucky, Nuns) in Digital Playground's Potentially Sexy American Occupations series.Above, Katsuni and Shay Jordan deal with Tommy Gunn's chemically-induced Priapism the only way they know how.  Nurses offers clinical looks at the likes of Jenna Haze, Jesse Jane, and Stoya, and gives new meaning to the word "discharge." It is a delightful movie that plays to all Digital Playground's strengths, and identifies Sasha Grey as the person consuming our country's donated sperm supply.Read my review of Nurses here. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Here there be Pirates 2 contest; Someone's in the shower with Stoya; Help Angelina Armani love L.A. See also: Digital Playground Labels: Digital Playground, jenna haze, jesse jane, sasha grey, stoya ¶ Thursday, February 26, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, February 16, 2009
Vivid at 25: Porn with a little reality
 On Valentine's Day I ventured from the bosom of my home to the bosoms of many other women for a retrospective of Vivid's quarter-century of existence at the World of Wonder gallery in Hollywood.World of Wonder produces glossy documentaries of porn, club, and gay culture, and has partnered with Vivid several times, most recently on Deeper Throat, detailing the company's struggle with Arrow Productions to get the right to remake Deep Throat (which it did, with results directed by Paul Thomas). The gallery show doubled as a premiere party for the Deeper Throat miniseries that debuted that night on Showtime. Vivid last worked with W.o.W. on Debbie Loves Dallas, another Showtime miniseries about the making of Debbie Loves Dallas Again, and the two companies seem to have the staged "reality" model figured out, though I've always found actual reality more compelling.  I spoke with Robert Interlandi of Arrow Productions, who appears to have been cast as a comic foil in the miniseries."There's things I can't tell you because of the lawyers," he said, "but [the miniseries] made me look bad." Arrow Productions is the Las Vegas-based company that owns the rights to the original Deep Throat, released in 1972, directed by the late Gerard Damiano, and funded by elements of the underworld. Robert Interlandi is the vice president and son of Arrow's owner, Paul. The younger Interlandi is in his early 30's and, among other things, capitalized on Deep Throat by making an energy drink out of it. "[The producers] would ask me what was in Deep Throat Energy Drink and I'd say, 'Vodka and, I don't know, blue stuff?' and all they aired was 'blue stuff?'" Interlandi said. "They'd cut off my sentences so I'd look like an idiot. They did it a couple of times." "Do you believe the theory that there is no such thing as bad publicity?" I asked. "Not if it makes me look like an idiot," he said, "but it does sell the product." I haven't seen Deeper Throat (Vivid's publicist said I should check with Showtime for screeners) but it seems that there is a good chance the series followed the same formula of the Debbie documentary for a heightened and exaggerated depiction of what actually happened. This was disappointing because I have enjoyed W.o.W.'s other productions, including the 2005 documentary Inside Deep Throat and 2003's Party Monster, starring Macauley Culkin as Michael Alig, the New York club kid who bragged about killing his drug dealer.  At the time of the Debbie documentary (featuring Sunny Leone, above), I thought that the miniseries would be no less entertaining if no creative license had been taken. Instead, it seemed the audience wasn't judged smart enough to not have things packaged for it, even if W.o.W. had let viewers make up their own minds in Inside Deep Throat and numerous other slick productions, like Heidi Fleiss: The Would-Be Madam of Crystal.Regardless, I'm sure the series will be entertaining for Real World fans. The Deep Throat remake itself, said Vivid production manager Shylar Cobi, is a throwback to classic porn movies. "We're not really good at endings these days," he said. "Somebody pops and the screen goes dark? But Deep Throat is a full movie, and P(aul)T(homas) is really proud of it."  I've met Thomas a number of times. I am a big fan of his work in Jesus Christ Superstar, among other things."Who do you write for?" Thomas asked me. Again. "Who are you, Dennis Hof?" I said. With all my cosmetic surgery I must be starting to look like everybody else. The gallery floor was packed, and the walls were hung with photos, arranged counter-clockwise by year with Vivid boxcovers from Ginger Lynn's early successes in 1984 all the way through to something called Vivid-alt hidden in a far corner.  That part of Hollywood Blvd. - to the east of where the Oscars are held and across the street from Musso & Frank Grill - has heavy foot traffic. People gathered to steam up the windows. An older man asked me if Jenna Jameson was in there."No, but Sasha Grey is," I said. "The swimmer?" he said. "The porn star," I said. "Don't know him," the man said.  Vivid's Steve Hirsch, who co-founded the company in 1984, was inside. Hirsch is one of only a few of Porn Valley's CEOs who has managed to keep his company afloat from the dawn of VHS through the Great Internet Dilution. The others are Larry Flynt and Adam & Eve's Phil Harvey. Inside I was happy to see Persia, who now follows me everywhere in case I pop an aneurysm, need dialysis, or have a seizure. Also on hand was Sunny Leone, of whom only grainy and out of focus pictures are allowed from my camera, apparently. Nicki Hunter was there, too. She looked great, as always, but I gasped in horror at her iPhone."Don't look at it!" she wailed. It was horribly scratched. "What happened to it?" I said, feeling ill. "I lost my earpiece in Vegas and I was walking my dog talking with the phone flattened against my shoulder," she said. "Then the dog started running and I dropped the phone on the ground, screen first," she said. But what she meant was, "Let's you and I become one person, Grams." "That's the saddest thing I've ever heard," I said (aside from someone thinking Sasha Grey was Greg Louganis).  I can't guarantee you conversations as sparkling as the ones I got to have, but the retrospective runs through March 13 and is worth the trip.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Is the feature dead?; Angry sex with Kelli McCarty; Paul Thomas Superstar; Free Speech Coalition - Mainstream Legal Titans Speak to Porn Notables in Historic Summit; Hirsch's heavies heave haunches heavenward; Sunny no longer loves Matt; Sort of "Inside Deep Throat" but not all the way in See also: Vivid, World of Wonder Labels: "nicki hunter", "paul thomas", Apple, art, events, ginger lynn, persia, sasha grey, shylar cobi, steve hirsch, sunny leone, vivid, world of wonder ¶ Monday, February 16, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post
Friday, February 06, 2009
Lepidoptera: I'm sure she's very nice
 Unless you're Christy Canyon (and only one of you is), no over-descriptive, clever, or cute nom de porn has ever worked. Bree Olson? Sasha Grey? Jenna Jameson? All sensible but distinctive names. Courtney Cummz? She's too good for that name.And whatever happened to Strokahontas? So now comes Hungary's Lepidoptera. It's like she went into the Budapest Barnes & Noble and bought the Big Book of Suicide Girl Names. "Lepidoptera" is the order of insect that includes moths and butterflies. Does the porn star Lepidoptera have a well-developed head with chewing mouthparts? (I guess so.) But does she also have three pairs of legs on the thorax and two to eight pairs of fleshy abdominal prolegs that are structurally different from the thoracic legs? No she does not. At one point the porn performer now called Lepidoptera was known by the names Abigail, Liana, and Butterfly. While "Butterfly" is also stretching it (though Mari Possa pulled a nice hat trick by choosing a porn name that was close to the Spanish translation), I think the Hungarian agent who convinced this 25-year-old to ditch Butterfly for Lepidoptera should be ashamed of himself. Q. But Grams, isn't her purpose accomplished by choosing a unique and unforgettable name?I want Lepidoptera to be happy, but I'm uncomfortable with porn starlets who have nutrient-siphoning probosces. Watch She Licks Girls 4 now Buy She Licks Girls 4 Now Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Nom de porn du jour - Adrenalynne; Courtney Cummz takes work home (I just reread this; was I high?) See also: New Sensations Labels: adrenalynne, bree olson, courtney cummz, jenna jameson, lepidoptera, new sensations, sasha grey, strokahontas ¶ Friday, February 06, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, January 29, 2009
AVN 2009: The only numbers you can trust
  Number of times it took Stormy Daniels, equipped with oversized ceremonial scissors, to cut the ribbon opening the 2009 AVN Adult Entertainment Expo: 4 Amount of times Jesse Jane's body would likely fit into that of her husband, if the latter were hollowed out: 4 Number of minutes prior to the closing of the red carpet that Jenna Haze arrived: 10 Rank of strippers, Internet models, and video porn stars in lack of clothing on convention floor: 1, 2, 3 Amount of time, in minutes, it took award-nominated performers seated in Mandalay bleacher seats to realize they were not going to win an award: 30 Amount of time, in minutes, following that realization that I saw them at a party four miles up the Strip with their pants around their ankles: 30 Number of people in TT Boy's red carpet entourage: 12 Number in Flavor Flav's: 4 Number in Mark Spiegler's: 11 Percentage increase, since last year, of MMA fighters on the red carpet: 100 Rank of Thea Vidale's handler and Syd Blackovich as most striking women on red carpet: 1, 2 Number of times I ate at the Ellis Island Casino and Restaurant this year: 1 Number of times I ate at the Ellis Island Casino and Restaurant last year: 7 Rank of Gastric Horror as a Result of Chicken Fried Steak in determining that decrease: 1 Good, according to hygiene-conscious performer Jack Lawrence, that hand sanitizer does: 0  Number of items Courtney Cummz signed for a single fan: 13Percentage of Jenny Hendrix' body that was adorned with pink things: 78 Number of awards won by "Pirates II: Stagnetii's Revenge": 15 Number won by "Texas Vibrator Massacre": 0 Ratio of decrease, in square feet, of space taken up by Vivid booth to decrease, in percentage, of exhibitors at Adult Entertainment Expo: 1:1 Time elapsed, in minutes, between thinking my media badge was stolen or lost to discovering it was in my other pants: 45 Amount of people I asked for a replacement during this time: 4 Amount who flouted regulations by giving me a replacement: 0 Amount of people walking red carpet in first half hour: 5 Amount walking in final half hour: 67  First year documentation exists of adult industry professionals saying "I would be surprised if there was an AVN Expo next year": 1997Number of years since Ginger Lynn, now performing in Cougar movies, won her Best New Starlet award: 24 Percentage of Best New Starlet winners still appearing in adult movies: 35 Percentage of Best New Starlets from this decade no longer appearing in adult films: 40 Ratio of Consumer Electronics Show attendees interviewed to AEE attendees interviewed who said they would "probably not" go to their convention next year: 4:1 Previously on Porn Valley Observed: AVN 2009 in pictures, AVN 2008 index Labels: avn09, awards, courtney cummz, events, flavor flav, ginger lynn, Jack Lawrence, jenna haze, jenny hendrix, jesse jane, madison young, sasha grey, spiegler, Stormy Daniels, stoya ¶ Thursday, January 29, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, January 26, 2009
Porn Valley Goes Hollywood in Annual Tradition
 CHATSWORTH, Calif. -- Adult movie revenues might be down, but California's porn industry isn't throwing in the cum rag in its quest to adapt the 2009 Academy Award Best Picture nominees for XXX audiences."We're very excited about this year's lineup," said Loup Perch-Tounge, president of the Porn Valley Mainstream Adaptation Guild, the body behind everything from Lord of the G-strings to Desperate Housewhores to Mr. Holland's Anus. The Academy of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences recently announced the five nominees for Best Picture, and Perch-Tounge said that Porn Valley's major studios had already been given their adaptation assignments. "Hustler got Milk, so they're doing it as MILF," Perch-Tounge said. "The story of a MILF and her struggle to find dates in 1970's San Francisco. They've signed Sasha Grey. She's going to put on 40 pounds." It is said that the Oscars are bellwethers of changing attitudes in America, and so it is with porn. Last year Vivid scored with its adaptation No Country for Old Contract Stars, a searing study of how the adult world traditionally abandoned women over 26 until the recent MILF and Cougar craze. "Wicked really lobbied for that one, but Savanna Samson was a no-brainer," Perch-Tounge said. Among other adaptations are Ross/Skeeter, in which blogger Gene Ross takes on a career-defining interview with disgraced pornographer Skeeter Kerkove, money changes hands, and both men learn a little about themselves in the process. The Spreader, featuring James Deen as a teen who has an affair with an older woman (Gia Darling) only to learn years later she was a transsexual, and Horndog Busfare-ionare, about a young man from the wrong side of Van Nuys Blvd. who wants more than anything to be one of the mopes staying hard in the background of an American Bukkake installment.  Each of the films is currently in production, Perch-Tounge said, and is scheduled for release prior to the Academy Awards' Feb. 22 telecast.The only of this year's Oscar Best Picture nominees to not score a porn adaptation was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. "We were all set with getting Joone's brother in-law to do the digital effects," Perch-Tounge said, "but the fact the title character gets to the money shot of the film as a child put the project in indefinite turnaround. And we already tackled that theme with Ross/Skeeter." Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Gram Ponante announces Oscars of Porn See also: Oscars Labels: gia darling, james deen, JM, joone, loup, mainstream movies, MILF, sasha grey, satire, savanna samson, vivid, wicked ¶ Monday, January 26, 2009 2 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Pirates II Party: About a boat, but in a Jet
 Digital Playground hosts its Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge party this Friday at JET in the Mirage hotel."Only JET, the hottest night club in Vegas, is equipped to handle a party of this magnitude for the hottest movie of the year," says an unattributed source in a press release. Jesse Jane®, Stoya™, Riley Steele™, Katsuni, Angelina Armani™, and non-trademarked stars Sasha Grey and Teagan Presley will be on hand Friday night, where a ateam of trademark lawyers will be on hand to register their names the way Mormons have baptized your ancestors. “I would like to thank everyone at JET Nightclub for all their help in arranging the party,” said Samantha Lewis, Digital Playground's CEO. “I couldn't be more pleased with the response that 'Pirates II' received in 2008. This party is a great way to kick off 2009, which promises to be even better as 'Pirates II' shows a definitive exponential sales increase and widespread market appeal." Across town at the Ellis Island Casino and Restaurant, several entrepreneurs from Mogadishu will be hosting the Somali Pirates release party, featuring 2-for-1 drink specials and the hosting talents of Sassy McSassypants, star of Wicked Vivid's Bedwetting Puppeteers and the voice of Mei Mei in the porn classic Totoro Meets Voltron. "This party is a great way to kick off 2009, which promises to be even better as 'Somali Pirates' shows a definitive exponential sales increase and widespread market appeal," said Umbul N'kedge. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Pirates 2 review See also: Digital Playground, JET Labels: angelina armani, avn09, jesse jane, katsuni, parties, riley steele, sasha grey, stoya, teagan presley ¶ Tuesday, January 06, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, January 02, 2009
Gram Ponante announces Oscars of Porn
 At a tearful ceremony this morning at the Lamplighter Restaurant, the grant-funded National Institutes of Pornographic And Pornotextual Arts presented their Oscars of Porn, the first and most prestigious adult awards of the year."Don't do drugs," said noted porn journalist Gram Ponante. "Ever since the Institutes instituted this institution, the cash and blowjobs have been flowing in," Ponante added. "And frankly, I'm about spent from everything that's been flowing out." Ponante demonstrated this depletion in the only way he knew how for a vocal contingent of foreign press. "Stay in school," Ponante said, unraveling for a Belgian camera crew. The Oscars of Porn were named for Oscar Goldman, Steve Austin's boss in the Six Million Dollar Man. NASA and JPL estimates concluded in 1983 that wounded astronaut Austin's cyborg rejiggering only cost $1.2 million, indicating that Goldman's assessment of the bionic man's worth was irrationally exuberant. Thus a perfect fit for porn. "Our hearts go out to our nation's military," Ponante said. 2008 Excellence in Adult And/Or Erotic Entertainment Honors  Porn Movie of the YearThe Texas Vibrator Massacre "Just about everything a porn movie should have is neatly packed into Rob Rotten's instant classic. The title alone says it doesn't take itself too seriously, yet the movie proves better than most grindhouse movies in that all the women you want to see naked actually become that way. And then, conveniently, they become dead. In this way, your ancestors are not shamed. So what if it's not original? Tobe Hooper would have wanted Roxy DeVille naked, too."  Think-piece of Ass of the YearO2: The Surrender of O "Juicy submissive Bree Olson tops from the bottom in the second excellent O movie from Ernest Greene. There's sealing wax, contracts on heavyweight paper, weeping, sage advice from Nina Hartley, excellent performances from Kayden Kross and Mika Tan, and Tommy Gunn as a bathrobe-wearing ne'er-do-well freeloader playing myself."  Conspicuous Cumsumption AwardPirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge "'Don't you know we're in a goddamn recession?' I shouted at the lavish Pirates 2 premiere, in which each attendee was given $1,000 cash and Tera Patrick's social security number, then was driven home by Jesse Jane. Everyone should have a copy of Pirates 2 not only because it is one of the most expensive porn movies ever made but also because it looks it, with Jesse Jane, Shay Jordan, Belladonna, and Jenna Haze working their asses off, only to have them fucked back into place."  Best Couples' FilmSlave 01 "Moxie Maddron is kept in the utility closet of a comfortable Porn Valley home by Eric Swiss in this intimate film by feel-good director Mike Ramone. Ramone joins Eli Cross, Mark Kulkis, and Heidi Pike-Johnson as former AVN editors who direct movies, and he delivers a character study that is as heartwarming as a Pixar film. Mark my words: Ramone will be the country's biggest exporter of hugs and smiles in '09." Honorable Mention: Joey Buttafuoco Caught On Tape. "While it was - shocking! - staged, I believed the 'I love you.'"  Best BushThe Crash Pad "While director Shine Louise Houston's series about a wiretapped San Francisco apartment used by itinerant sex-having lesbians might concern First Amendment activists, it is Porn's most enduring legacy to our 43rd president." Honorable Mention: The Bush Administration. "It's like pubic hair for straight people!"  Best TravelogueMiles from Needles "Huell Howser would be impressed with Savanna Samson's in depth study of the California hinterlands and its colorful characters. A movie awash in death, rednecks, and boobies, Miles from Needles features excellent performances by Kimberly Kane and April Blossom, and is even better than ario Argento's Hesperia."  Most Earnest Porn without Sasha Grey in It, Though Luckily It Has Madison YoungThe Whore Within Me "Like atoms, whores just are. We needn't explain what makes someone a whore, we just need to let whores go off and be whorish without comment or examination. If we break down the whore to her component protons and electrons, we risk a spermonuclear reaction."  If By 'Oven' You Mean 'Vagina,' Well, Then Yes She's Got One in the Oven AwardNina Hartley's Great Sex During Pregnancy "The Future No-Name Jane is knocked up and up in this movie, which says that you can't get a woman pregnant enough."  Glass Ceiling AwardMother of the Year "Used to be that having children meant the end of a woman's career. Not any longer. With California's 1997 MILF Statutes finally being enforced, the sky's the limit for women unsatisfied with the limitations of Entrance Only vaginas."  You Can Leave Your Shirt On Awardcirca '82 "Whether it's a style choice or they're all burn victims, these girls are bottomless like a good cup of coffee throughout this movie, featuring appearances by members of the Circle Jerks and the Germs."  Comeback of the Year (pt. II) AwardTricia Devereaux in Defend Our Porn "Performing in the one original scene in an excellent 3-disc compilation set meant to defray Evil Angel's court costs in its recent obscenity case, the delightful Devereaux just might make you defray all over yourself."  Triple-crossed by a Tranny AwardGia Darling Will Kick Your Ass! "This movie dramatically illustrates a disturbing trend in our neighborhoods that is killing our fish and ducks: Abducted by dominatrices, fey but otherwise innocent men will be further humiliated/stimulated when the domme reveals a tranny lurking in the wings."  Robert Fulghum AwardStoya: Deeper 11 "Stoya's facial expressions give the impression that what is happeing to her is unexpected, whether she is ordering pierogies or being sodomized. This allows her to maintain her sense of wonder. Everything you need to know you can learn propped atop Stoya's near-translucent hillocks."  Best Hentai And Pickup LineNight When Evil Falls I "I'll let these tentacular underpants-probing Japanese animated professionals speak for themselves -
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: 2007 Awards; 2006 Awards Labels: 2008, awards, belladonna, bree olson, jesse jane, Kayden Kross, madison young, mika tan, nina hartley, noname jane, roxy deville, sasha grey, savanna samson, stoya, transsexual ¶ Friday, January 02, 2009 2 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Account of a Visit from Federal Agents
  was the night before Christmas, and I was forlornNe'r a vibrator whirring in the Valley of Porn; The studios closed reluctantly down, For fear that girls' parents had flown into town; The day so beloved of all Christian saints, Found trannys' surprises tucked under their taints, And I in my tube socks, and you in your glitter Had just prepped your ass for a poke in the shitter —  hen out on the stairs of our place in Van Nuys,Came the surefooted clump of FBI guys. Away to the closet where I keep the IDs, I flew to inspect the accounts of disease. The moon through the sheen of the fog and the rain, Made it look like Wicked was filming again; And the Feds' feral shouts from behind the locked door, Were like thin, fearful teens railed by one Max Hardcore. heir hands balled in fists of self-righteous rage,They said, "This young harlot is just half your age!" I hastened to cover myself with more socks, And they rifled through my 2257 docs "Now! Audrey, now! Aiden, now! Lorelei Lee, "On! Bobbi, on! Flower, on! Nina Hartley; "From the Dirtpipe Milkshake! To the rim of your gape! "Have you shot any movies of hot nostril rape?" I admitted I hadn't, but should I get to it I'd call Adrianna Nicole: "Bet she'd do it."  o out to the warehouse they searched all my screeners,Looking for content obscene and obscener: They marveled at Kylie and Sara Vandella, Were shocked at the acts of the aged De'Bella. They wondered at Sasha, they drooled over Bree, Jealous that Jenny had made drinks for me, Or that Stoya had taken a snap of her snatch; Or Lorena allowed me to wash off her thatch. And they said as they looked at the porn on the shelves "We get these erections in spite of ourselves."  wondered again why so many behavedLike consenting adults just need to be saved, As if billions of pairs of boobies online Were just being ogled by one creepy guy, As if thousands of women, like desperate Joads. Dropped out of their grad schools for summa cum loads Abandoned their theses and novels and yoga, Embarked to the parkless Park of Canoga, Or neighboring Chatsworth where, off of DeSoto They'd grudgingly pose for the boxcover photo That, if they'd the choice, they'd surely have said, "I swallowed those dicks with a gun to my head." hey turned with tears glistening and, covered in jismThey said, "You are a model of First Amendment Patriotism." They gave me a medal, and a brand new Mercedes And told me to keep writing 'bout naked ladies. They left with signed photos of Sophia Santi — Saying, "You're America's Beloved Porn Journalist, Gram Ponante." Sincere wishes for happy holidays, everybody; you make this job even more enjoyable than it should be.  The top image was taken from a visit to the set of Hustler's Christmas in Memphis. Labels: adrianna nicole, aiden starr, bobbi starr, bree olson, jenny hendrix, kylie ireland, lorelei lee, lorena sanchez, max hardcore, nina hartley, poetry, sara vandella, sasha grey, stoya, transsexual ¶ Wednesday, December 24, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
In the company of Kayden Kross
 I was informed of my first porn industry award early this morning by registered letter and one of those pajamagrams. Adult producer/fisherman Mike South said that I had the best blog aside from his, and that I actually wrote, as distinct from Kayden Kross, who South says is the best writer who doesn't.Similarly, I feel that Kayden Kross and I should have won Best Porn Couple aside from the fact that we are not a couple and she has consistently refused offers to come live with me at my Porn-Supremacist compound. Also receiving awards were Christian X, Sasha Grey, and Don Houston, although I have a feeling South's compliments in those cases might be described as "backhanded." Clearer shows of support went to the prolific Den of Cyberspace Adult Video Reviews (you can tell how long it's been around by the title), and to the couple Nicole Sheridan and Voodoo. Now that I have received this award I am going to go on a publicity tour to secure more awards. I think I'll go on Howard Stern. He's still alive, right? I'll let you know that I have not even purchased a drink for Mike South, whom I have met in person three times for a total of four minutes. So don't send me your Marisa Tomei hate mail. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Kayden Kross and the luchadores See also: Mike South Labels: awards, christian x, don houston, Georgia, Kayden Kross, mike south, nicole sheridan, sasha grey, voodoo ¶ Wednesday, December 24, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, December 12, 2008
Pirates 2 contest reaches wailing climax
 I received several excellent ropey lyrical volleys for the Pirates 2 contest, leading me to think we should have a contest every month around here. The challenge was to write a poem inspired by Pirates 2, the same way Madonna wrote songs inspired by the film Dick Tracy. Yes, exactly like that.There were limericks and haikus, and even a "Kubla Khan"-style shanty that reaffirms my faith in the intelligence and whimsy of our nation's porn consumers. To see most of the responses, check out the comments section here, where winners can also find instructions for laying claim to their Pirates booty. In the meantime, some of my favorites: from Kiddex: Jesse Jane in Pirates 2 does smoulderWho rhymes anything with Janine Lindemulder anymore? Genius. from Banshee: Jesse the Wench was a cutieNot just Djibouti but Eastern Djibouti. Genius.  from Super Edco:Shyla Styles will dance burlesqueand from HRE: Though Stagnetti's ship may have sunk,That last one really hit me where I lived. I can't stop weeping! Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Pirates 2 contest; Today in porn swag; Expensive Joonetang! See also: Digital Playground Labels: abby brooks, art, belladonna, contest, Digital Playground, janine lindemulder, jenna haze, jesse jane, katsuni, poetry, sasha grey, SHYLA STYLES, stoya ¶ Friday, December 12, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, December 04, 2008
What to slam, and where: Someone's in the bathtub with Priva edition
 It is not uncommon for people to stop me on the street and ask
 However, were Priva to express interest in remaking The Shining, I'd be interested.See my review here. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Upstairs/Downstairs with Tatiana Kush and Nicki Hunter; Priva's vagina of darkness; I Love Black Dick 3 See also: Evil Angel Labels: "priva", dave west, evil angel, geekery, minireview, new porn daily, sasha grey ¶ Thursday, December 04, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, November 17, 2008
Today in porn disgruntlement: Adam & Eve
 I received an e-mail this morning from a person calling himself (I assume it was a he) "Barock Odrama." The letter concerned his grievances with Adam & Eve's production manager, a woman named Meredith Christopher.I like Christopher. She has always been cool to me. But I get along with everybody. While the letter was better written than most adult business "open letters," it will fare just as well, which is not at all. This is because the dirty laundry in letters like this comes as a surprise to no one. The audacity of Mr. Odrama's hope is that he is writing in a world in which the adult industry is not already thought of as corrupt and incompetent. When I was at AVN (and prior to this) there were several employees who leaked information to the likes of bloggers named Luke Ford and Gene Ross. the bitterati, who, for their own reasons, were only too happy to print it. Later, after AVN information became scarce, disgruntled employees at Hustler did the same thing. Neither episodes of venting to bloggers resulted in anything other than personal embarrassment for the people targeted. And what is personal embarrassment in a business that produced Dirtpipe Milkshakes? And the power of the printed word? Seriously. Think of all the people you know should be fired. Can you think of anyone who actually was terminated due to a letter writing campaign? No, they were only fired when they were recorded trying to trade blowjobs for AVN trophies. Now and then I'll get a phone call from someone who starts to tell me juicy information about a porn performer, director, or executive. I will refer them elsewhere. "Do you expect an apology," I'll ask. "A cash settlement?" But I'll print this letter, because it provides a backstage look at how adult personalities think. You will see that it is not too different from the way anyone thinks who has been thwarted, somehow, by the system. But first an exchange from The Departed: Ellerby: Cui Bono, who benefits? Colin Sullivan: Cui gives a shit? It's got a freakin' bow on it. An Open Letter About Adam & EveBecause the readers of my site are not necessarily the target audience for such an e-mail, I checked around the web (time constraints usually prevent this) and saw the letter posted on the sites of a few usual suspects in the adult blogging community. Here at the office, we have narrowed down a list of five possible authors, each with his own axe to grind, and one of whom I'll call a wild card, like the Cubs. The place where the writer takes offense most personally, it seems, is in Paragraph 8. Everything else seems like foundation building. Are the points about the choices (or non-choices) of contract stars and their handling valid? Porn performers are like delightful butterflies - it is always difficult to herd them. What about movie production? Is it possible there is a porn movie that could have all its sex removed and still not be marked as a porn movie - from as far away as space? No. And as far as poaching people under contract elsewhere else, why do you think people use so many names? It happens all the time. In other words, even if all these charges are true, a letter never changed anything. I wrote a letter to the gmail address of Mr. Odrama asking for some clarification of his points but have received no response. They're good points, sure, but only if there was some embezzling would any heads roll. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: 8th Day; Kayden Kross, jealous boyfriends, and the pitfalls of real estate tycoonery; Tailgunners; Carmen Luvana - the mosaic is the message; Vicky Vette - when boobs are not enough See also: Adam & Eve Labels: "stormy daniels", Ava Rose, bree olson, business, conflict, dirty laundry, eva angelina, jesse jane, Kayden Kross, sasha grey, sic, tera patrick ¶ Monday, November 17, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
All your friends in 9 to 5 Days in Porn
 Sasha Grey, Roxy Deville, Belladonna, and Otto Bauer and Audrey Hollander star in this German-made documentary about the life of porn performers in and out of Porn Valley. Shot in 2006, 9 to 5 follows these people and more, including agent Mark Spiegler, performer-turned-clinic owner Sharon Mitchell, directors John Stagliano and Jim Powers, and performers Mia Rose and Julie Silver as they answer similar questions to those asked by everyone else of porn workers, except this time the editing is much better and the choice of subjects more compelling. Director Jens Hoffman and crew are currently exhibiting the movie at festivals worldwide after a debut in Montreal.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Life in a porn dorm isn't all pillow fights and orgies; Moxie-ridden devil Roxy makes Teagan, dandling Randall, her collie; No wonder Sasha Grey can't find her car; Belladonna shares views on tank, 2005; Gram Ponante announces Oscars of Porn See also: 9 to 5, More info on 9 to 5 Labels: audrey hollander, belladonna, documentary, germany, jens hoffman, jim powers, john stagliano, katja kassin, otto bauer, roxy deville, sasha grey, sharon mitchell, spiegler ¶ Wednesday, October 22, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Pirates II premiere: Expensive Joonetang!
 Tonight was the long awaited premiere of Digital Playground's Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge. I have been told (and I believe) that this movie is the most expensive adult movie ever filmed, and I was honored to have been the only media outlet invited to the event."Where is everyone from all the porn blogs and slumming basic cable and webisode shows?" I didn't ask Stoya, who actually plays a harem girl for an Armenian slave trader in the movie. "I don't know," she didn't say. "I guess they thought you pretty effectively got the word out before." The virtual media blackout for this eagerly anticipated sequel was uncharacteristic of Digital Playground, which in the past has sent press releases when a boxcover has been decided or when one of its contract performers appears in the Australian version of TV Guide. But I was happy and, I must say, touched to be the only representative of the porn or mainstream press invited. I guess the idea was that Digital Playground didn't want there to be so much hype that a frank examination of the movie itself would be lost in the press saturation. It was a pleasure to move through the red carpet unimpeded by cologne-reeking men with goatees, a pleasure to not see AVN and XBiz doing their Sharks and Jets routine trying to out-attitude or outwork the oher, and a huge relief to see no evidence of hastily-applied microphone logos. "Finally," I said, "the real story can be told."  I could enjoy the rented search lights, the rented pirate impersonators, and the rented dates of VH-1 celebrities without hearing anyone call Riley Steele "Charlotte Stokely." Directed by reclusive Digital Playground co-founder Joone, Pirates II is a porn movie with staggering scope - for a porn movie. Every sex scene is a workout, every pairing something historic, and every effect very expensive. It is a movie of so many excesses (for porn), that a lot of the smaller triumphs, like Joey Pulgadas' editing and Shay Jordan's loopy, choke-happy performance, might be overwhelmed by the notion of JESSE JANE FUCKS BELLADONNA TO WITHIN AN INCH OF THEIR LIVES and FOR SOME REASON SASHA GREY IS IN IT. There is a lot of humor in Pirates II, most of it supplied by Evan Stone and Steven St. Croix. The rhythm section of Max Massimo's script and Pulgadas' editing makes for a porn movie with sex scenes that often have fun dialogue breaks in them and that also seem to increase in speed. But sometimes Pirates II seems to overwhelm itself; needing some way to narratively justify ten (or more) sex scenes, the movie is very long and often - pardon the term - anticlimactic. Like the first Pirates, the experience of watching its sequel in a theatre was both fun (people cheered popshots and, unlike the original, tonight's premiere was shown in high definition on a 2K projector and the filmmakers knew from last time where better to place jokes and dialogue so they wouldn't be lost in a big room) and artificial. This generation does not know what it's like to watch a porn movie without fast forwarding, so about a hundred people walked out as the movie progressed; they were just not used to watching a porn movie (especially one that lasted more than two hours) end to end, while limousines with Katsuni in them pulled up in the street.Lucky there were not throngs of press there to hinder her passage, calling her "Katsumi" and "Charlotte Stokely."  But, as the only media representative there tonight, I am happy to report that there was no one masturbating in the theatre. Not like at the premiere of The Bridges of Madison County.An actual review of the movie Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge will appear shortly. It will emphasize that, among other things, one of the movie's singular accomplishments is that there were parts in which I felt I could smell it. See the full Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge gallery here. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: (2007) Digital Playground offers teaser poster of Pirates II; Pirates: "For the love of God let me die"; You yell "Shark" See also: Digital Playground Labels: belladonna, Digital Playground, Evan Stone, jesse jane, katsuni, riley steele, sasha grey, shay j, stoya, Tommy Gunn ¶ Saturday, September 27, 2008 4 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 18, 2008
After the Kiss Attack, there is only silence
 Kiss Attack is one of those porn movies that, characteristic of adult marketing, had a lot of pre-release hype and then was never heard from again. This is because most porn movies, unless they are Pirates or Deep Throat, conclude most of their sales in pre-orders or immediately after release, at which point the market is primed for something else.Another reason that porn publicity is disproportionately weighted before a movie comes out is that directors and performers don't collect residuals.. That is why people like me got several press releases and photos even as Kiss Attack was in production.  It is almost anti-climactic when the movie hits shelves, because the combination of post-release ennui and inability to live up to hype conspire to hustle a movie into obscurity. It is the same in Hollywood, but in the smaller pool of porn, where there are fewer people making more movies, the vanishing effect can be dramatic unless a movie is exceptional.Worse still, Kiss Attack, which was a movie with several great sex scenes (see my review and gallery), was shot for a studio that no longer exists. "Independent Adult Cinema" was an arm of Adam & Eve that got lopped off in a recent downsizing. UPDATE: While there was a downsizing at Adam & Eve and while I had been told by a company employee from its North Carolina office that IAC was given the axe, Adam & Eve director and production guru Wit Maverick tells me (in the Coments section) that Independent Adult Cinema is alive and well and actively promoting Kiss Attack and "deserving projects." I apologize if I have contributed to any confusion.  Then there's the version issue. Director Batts will sell a cable version of Kiss Attack on Amazon starting in September (pre-order here ) but the XXX version, with more profits going to Adam & Eve, is already in stores.Finally, because IAC isn't around anymore (see UPDATE, above), there will not be a Kiss Attack 2, which is unfortunate, because the original ends abruptly, with a strip-tease in an alley, and a "to be continued" tacked on. It's like Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins with Sasha Grey as Wilford Brimley. That said, Kiss Attack is worth seeing, and for almost none of the reasons proposed in its pre-street hyperbole. It is a photographically exquisite movie in places, especially in scenes with Grey and Vandella, and April Flores is always a pleasure to see. Read the review and see a gallery here. Previously: April Flores and Carlos Batts at Comic-Con; La Cholita in ink; Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States Labels: april flores, business, carlos batts, pirates, sasha grey ¶ Monday, August 18, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
April Flores, Carlos Batts at Comic-Con
 Most porn movies are horror flicks only unintentionally, but Carlos Batts' Kiss Attack, which he made for Adam & Eve and which comes with a 16-page comic book which Batts co-designed with Albuquerque artist Nathan Carlisle, is supposed to be scary."Andy Warhol got to make his 'Dracula,'" Batts said of his porn vampire movie, "and Kiss Attack is my Dracula movie." Kiss Attack stars Sasha Grey, April Flores, and La Cholita. Performers and bands featured in Kiss Attack will perform during Comic-Con at the Casbah Club in San Diego. Batts, who has been attending Comic-Con for 14 years, will be at the Last Gasp booth giving out tickets. Previously: At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; La Cholita in cars and in ink; Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army) See also: Carlos Batts, April Flores, Adam & Eve Labels: april flores, carlos batts, comics, geekery, la cholita, san diego, sasha grey, the horror ¶ Tuesday, July 01, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, June 12, 2008
AVN Awards 2008: Reliving the dream
 The AVN Awards show gets bigger every year, and this January the event was covered by Showtime, which is getting chummier and chummier with the adult industry and which recently broadcast the event.Here are some images from the show.  "You're one of those people I want to rescue," Dave Navarro said to Joanna Angel."I'm actually doing quite well for myself, thanks," said Angel. When he's not hawking New Balance footwear, Navarro has been working with Teravision as a director and appearing at adult industry events. People in the adult industry have varied reactions to Navarro. Some welcome his Jane's Addiction/Red Hot Chili Peppers fame but others say he is another mainstream celeb who has not "paid his dues" to the porn business. This sentiment isn't exclusive to porn; it's just more noticeable. Success breeds contempt, especially when you're not "one of us." A similar contingent within the business begrudges outsiders making money from their takes on porn. The writer David Foster Wallace was beset upon by calling an often vulgar industry "vulgar" and pointing out spelling errors in AVN magazine {excerpt}. "Fight Club" author Chuck Palahniuk had some factual and logistical inaccuracies in his porn-themed book "Snuff" and porn blogger Gene Ross said this: But in Palahniuk’s novel titled “Snuff,” fiction, it seems, is stranger and, apparently, a whole lot better than truth. Such is the basic fact - that most of what Palahniuk writes about here, bears little resemblance to what you’d come across in the real porn world.I say that overcoming heroin addiction has allowed Navarro to test in to the porn business. But Joanna Angel does not need rescuing.  Teagan Presley returned to the AVN Awards after bouts of having a family. Red carpet co-host Kirsten Price said, "You look so beautiful! I can't believe how tiny you are!" or "You look so beautiful; I can't believe how tiny you are!" It looks as if Navarro is talking with a cardboard cutout of Tera Patrick, the way I often talk to a cardboard cutout of Chewbacca. The reality is that Patrick is ready for a pose a millionth of a second before a camera flashes. Jenna Jameson and Tito Ortiz stop by. Jenna is chipper and talks about the future, what with her company being nominated for 52 awards. She does not tell Navarro of the bomb she will drop onstage.Jameson's speech, as captured by the Showtime coverage, seemed rambling. Prior to announcing Stormy Daniels as the inaugural Jenna Jameson Crossover Star of the Year, Jameson said, "It's apropos that this award is named after me." She also talked about being battered in the mainstream press, which had called her skinny and divorced. "But I'm not divorced," she said, and thanked boyfriend Tito Ortiz for taking care of her.  Then she said, "Everything's beautiful...I want to be honest for a second. Honesty is key. Honesty is key. I will never, ever, ever spread my legs again in this industry, ever." (In a previous report I got the number of "ever"s wrong, but I had quoted from AVN).She moved on after this, and declared Clubjenna to be an adult industry powerhouse. It was an odd moment. Two months later, Clubjenna released a five-year-old "new" Jenna movie.  Navarro with muse Sasha Grey. I am in the background of this shot, thinking, "That Navarro has a look. I don't personally like the look - he looks a little like a bug, but it works for him - but I've got to get myself a look. Maybe I should stick forks in my eyes." Awards host Greg Fitzsimmons takes a shot at Max Hardcore, calling him the retarded guy who captured Curious George. That seemed harsh to me, but Hardcore took it well. There is a huge Margaret and H.A. Rey fan base in the adult industry, and all know that the guy who caught Curious George was the Man in the Yellow Hat. Tera is forbidden by law to take a bad picture. The first AVN Awards were handed out in a room with fewer than 200 people. Hillary Scott goes to collect her Supporting Actress award before a crowd of 6,000. Larry Flynt is the Christopher Reeve of the porn industry, except Flynt got his injury on the job. People love him. Guess which person has two children? My hood ornament.See my AVN 2008 gallery here. Previously: AVN Wrap-up 2008 See also: AVN, Showtime Labels: avn, avn08, awards, dave navarro, events, greg fitzsimmons, jenna jameson, kirsten price, las vegas, max hardcore, sasha grey, teagan presley, tera patrick ¶ Thursday, June 12, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Porn economics: Vaginas and gas
 As gas prices increase, people across the country are adjusting their lives accordingly by taking public transportation, riding bikes, or staying inside for longer periods, playing more videogames and watching more porn like the activists they are.But two adult performers signing at this weekend's Erotica L.A. have found that, unlike their vaginas, the price of gas is inelastic. "Gas is like food," said New Sensations contract performer Ashlynn Brooke. "You have to pay whatever it costs to get it." Brooke therefore declared the inelasticity of gas. Despite an average price of $4.20 across Porn Valley for a gallon of 87 octane fuel, she said that she would buy it regardless. In her native Choctaw, OK, it's different. "I was talking to my aunt and it's $3.79 there today," she said. "Plus, it's easier to walk around in Choctaw." Cementing the inelasticity of gasoline is the sheer size of Los Angeles and the unreliability of public transportation. Sasha Grey, who grew up in similarly spread out Sacramento, recently topped off her Volvo's tank for $76. "Oh Jesus Christ," she said. "It's disgusting." But despite the horror at the pump (Brooke filled up her SUV for $80), Grey says the geography of Los Angeles doesn't allow her any options. "It's not like I'm going to carpool to a porn set," she said. Unlike their vaginas and the demand for goods that can be easily substituted, which are highly elastic, the demand for gas will be inelastic until more porn can be shot at a central location, such as Gram Ponante Towers, Stationary Taqueria, Cyclotron, Heliport, and Refinery. Brooke does have one solution to oil consumption. At Erotica L.A. she will probably go barefoot to skip around the L.A. Convention Center's low-pile carpeting, eschewing petroleum-based Lucite heels. "I'm from Oklahoma," she said, a likely Green Party candidate. "So I don't care." Previously: XRCO from the outside in; Sasha Grey: A day without porn; Erotica L.A. 2007 in review See also: Erotica L.A. Labels: Ashlynn Brooke, erotica L.A., events, money, sasha grey, WGL ¶ Wednesday, June 04, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Monday, April 28, 2008
Life In A Porn Dorm Isn’t All Pillow Fights And Orgies
 Because The Whore Within Me was cast almost exclusively with women who belong to Spiegler Girls, the porn talent agency run by Mark Spiegler, I thought I'd reprint an article I wrote for The Naughty American, a webzine published by the studio Naughty America.I spent an evening at the Spiegler Dorm with Spiegler, Annette Schwarz, and Adrianna Nicole. Sasha Grey dropped by briefly, too. Among Porn Valley agents, Spiegler is, in my experience, the most highly regarded by his talent and the companies who do business with him. He has also trained his cat to fetch. this article originally appeared in The Naughty American WOODLAND HILLS, Calif. -- It's 11 p.m. in the Woodland Hills section of Porn Valley, the part of Los Angeles between the Hollywood Hills and the Santa Susana Mountains, where most of the world's commercial adult videos are shot. Gram Ponante Porn agent Mark Spiegler sometimes has as many as 7 celebrities staying in his 2-bedroom porn dorm at one time. It's a rough life. The  German performer Annette Schwarz, working here for the next three months, lazily pets the cat and falls asleep on the couch. She has to be up at 8 a.m. for a gang bang.Mark Spiegler owns the couch, and his name is on the lease of the two-bedroom apartment (including one bedroom for Schwarz, if she'd just walk a few feet down the hall). Spiegler is one of a handful of booking agents for the porn industry, and he keeps a spare room available for non-locals like Schwarz and/or visiting San Franciscans like Bobbi Starr.  His agency is called Spiegler Girls, and his roster includes 20 of the porn industry's most recognized names. Besides Schwarz, whom studio Elegant Angel has honored with its "Slutwoman" series, there’s "The Internet's Girlfriend" Dana DeArmond, Showtime's "Family Business" star Flower Tucci, and post-noir pinup Adrianna Nicole."I get about 175 phone calls a day," says Spiegler, who runs Spiegler Girls via a Verizon smartphone from his apartment or his Cadillac Escalade, which is about as big. "I'm on the 6,000-minute plan. My bill is about $260 a month." Earlier in the night, Schwarz and Nicole, two leggy blonde bombshells, link arms and follow the shorter, rounder Spiegler into Alessio's, a higher-end Italian restaurant in Northridge. It's a slow night and, because of this and the fact that Schwarz and Nicole are unmistakably dressed as porn stars in their kneesocks and midriff-baring t-shirts, the small group gets a lot of attention. "It's good to see you again," says the waiter, who later tells them he has appeared in a Honda commercial. "We've missed you." Spiegler takes clients like Annette Schwarz and Adrianna Nicole out to dinner so they will have plenty of nourishment before filming, say, a gang bang. The dinner is filled with gossip and shop talk. Both Schwarz and Nicole have been with the man they call "Spieg" for three out of the four years his company has been in existence, and they affectionately kid each other. Schwarz was referred to Spiegler by European porn legend Rocco Siffredi. "She sent me pictures of her with a knife in her pussy," Spiegler said. "I said, 'OK…'" "I started doing porn three days after my 18th birthday," said Schwarz who turns 24 on March 26. "I didn’t know what to expect in America."  In 2006, Spiegler – whose family comes from Austria – met her at the airport and began speaking German to her."I didn't know what he was saying," Schwarz said. "And all the way to his place, I thought, 'Am I going to have to sleep with him every night?' I was biting my teeth together." "Before I met him," she said, "I didn't know if part of my job would be having to sleep with him -- " Spiegler interjects: " -- Oh, it only would have been two minutes out of your life/" Schwarz continues: "And I asked [former Spiegler client] Katja Kassin about it my first night here, and she said 'No, it's not like in Europe.'" Spiegler books his talent, picks them up from the airport and drives them to shoots if needed, takes up to 15 percent of their earnings, but never hits on them. "It's bad business," he said. Before dinner, Schwarz and Nicole retreated to Schwarz's room to check the latter's MySpace messages. "Sometimes I'm so tired at the end of the day that all I can do is check my e-mail and fall asleep," Schwarz said. While in the United States, she usually works six days a week. "No working every day," she said. "If you're working all the time in porn, your immune system runs down." After her stint in the U.S., Schwarz will return to her native Munich, where she will stay with friends or rent a "student flat" as her home base to shoot movies in Germany or other European porn capitals like Prague and Budapest. Then she will come back to the Spiegler dorm for another three months. "I think I'm ready to buy a house in Germany," she said, looking around Spiegler's cluttered apartment, "because I am living like a student wherever I go." Schwarz and Spiegler clashed when she first stayed with him in 2006. Gram Ponante Actresses like Schwarz and Nicole work hard during the day so their nights are spent checking their MySpace pages, not having orgies or pillow fights.  "There's a curfew rule," she said. "I didn't like that. I said, 'I am an adult and can do what I want!' But it was my first time in the United States and I wasn't thinking of it as work, which I do now.""I have a few rules," Spiegler said. "Save your money, don't make me look bad, and don't give me anything to worry about." Indeed, Spiegler Girls is well regarded around the porn industry as a dependable agency. There are few instances of Spiegler’s talent not showing up on a set and he boasts that his clients are drug- and alcohol-free while on location. "It's not that I get them off drugs," he said. "They were never on them. The people who work for me are pretty smart." Spiegler is a former day trader who got into the porn trade in the mid-1990s by financing movies. He produced and directed a few, and then started Spiegler Girls in 2004. He has had as many as seven performers staying with him at a time, but on average there are only two or three. "Which is good," Spiegler said, "otherwise they start fighting for the bathroom." It might be tempting to call Spiegler cuddly or avuncular, and he is, indeed, a very friendly, thoughtful person. Unlike certain competitors, Spiegler is not a performer and does not "audition" his talent. But more than many in the porn business, Spiegler knows where the bodies are buried. His phone contains names, dates, pictures, videos, social security numbers, addresses, and, in a few cases, the next of kin of many of porn's shadier personalities, but the database in his head is a little more comprehensive. "People know not to mess with me," he says.  After dinner, the waiter boxes a slab of chocolate cake that Spiegler will put in his refrigerator. Back at the apartment, Nicole and Schwarz watch as Spiegler's trained cat, Alaska, fetches a ball of tape.Nicole settles into the pullout couch and frets about a scene she'll be shooting the next day. "He better have baby-wiped his ass," she says to no one in particular. For the 20 women on Spiegler's roster ("I don't represent guys because they're too needy," he said), each will receive a call or text message the day before a shoot with the location, company, director, partner(s) and service(s) required, which will also determine her take-home pay. Gram Ponante Spiegler's hard-fought reputation for fairness hasn't stopped former clients like Sasha Grey from going out on their own. In fact, the day after this photo was taken in the porn dorm, she announced she was starting her own agency. Nicole said that lately these text messages on her iPhone don't excite her. "I get excited when there's a brand new guy," she said. Across the room, Schwarz nods. Spiegler throws a blanket over her 5 foot 8 inch frame. Spiegler's is neither the largest nor the smallest of the porn booking agencies. Across the Valley, Derek Hay's LA Direct Models has two upscale houses for its visiting talent and lists more than 140 women and men as clients. Former performer Joel Lawrence's Goldstar Models has 80 women on its books. And more and more performers are choosing to represent themselves, such as Jenny Hendrix, who just left LA Direct Models, and former Spiegler client Sasha Grey.  Grey, who was named the Female Performer of the Year by the porn trade publication AVN, dropped by the Spiegler dorm the night of the dinner, and the next morning announced in AVN that she was starting her own agency to at first represent herself and then to take on a few more girls.At a certain level of fame, female talent tends to transcend agencies. "If I can book an anal scene for $4,000," Hendrix said when she left LA Direct, "I'm going to keep all of it." "I've had about 100 girls come through here," Spiegler said prior to Grey's announcement. "And they work a lot, and they all make money. But sometimes they need to move on." "But Spieg takes care of us," Nicole said. Nicole hugs Schwarz and Spiegler and then heads home to Silver Lake, a neighborhood of Los Angeles "over the hill." Schwarz gets up from the couch and shuffles down the hall to bed. Wait a minute -- no orgies or pillow fights? No dancing naked on the bed and singing into hairbrushes? Schwarz laughs as if this has never occurred to her. "I work too hard for that," she says. In the morning, Spiegler will wake her up and drive her to the gang bang. He will save a little cake for her. Previously: Goin' back to Calli; Adrianna Nicole and Annette Schwarz - just because See also: Spiegler Girls, The Naughty American Labels: adrianna nicole, annette schwarz, lorelei lee, sasha grey, spiegler ¶ Monday, April 28, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sasha Grey: A Day without porn
 Sasha Grey talks about Colecovision like it's porn but otherwise doesn't talk about porn at all in a refreshing article in the Gamers' magazine Giant Realm."It would be pretty dope to be a Tomb Raider, or Resident Evil type-character. Fuck it, let's go all the way: why not put me in the Grand Theft Auto universe somewhere? But I'd have to be able to kick some ass...strapped with two MP5K's and a black and grey skintight outfit," Grey says.Grey is also featured in a wholesome video by The Roots, "Birthday Girl," in which her facial expressions say everything. Previously: Something is about to happen to Sasha Grey See also: Sasha Grey Talks Games, The Roots' "Birthday Girl" Labels: geekery, sasha grey ¶ Tuesday, April 22, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Casting Call: Romona sought for probing, suppression
 Rarely are you allowed inside the dream factory that is the adult industry. Only I provide you this service. Only I can pull back the curtain to reveal the throbbing brain trust that gives life to your masturbatory fantasies, and other mixed metaphors.Vien Savio, ace production manager on several Adam & Eve movies, is directing his first movie for the company, Shades of Romona, and needs someone to play the title character, Shades. No, I'm kidding. The title character is named Romona. Savio sent the following plot description. Do you see yourself interpreting this role? If so, contact Vien - the adult industry's only living Southeast Asian director - at surdalis (at) gmail.com. SHADES OF ROMONA (synopsis)I know what you're thinking. "Grams, this is pretty lowbrow compared with Dirtpipe Milkshakes." I agree. But the common people have to jerk off, too. Else how will we keep them from having children? Previously: Stagger Lee See also: Adam & Eve Labels: mandy morbid, sasha grey, sex tape, vien savio, zak sabbath ¶ Tuesday, March 25, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, March 03, 2008
Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army)
 Carlos Batts has been making a movie that he calls "The Blade Runner of Porn," Kiss Attack. "This is the movie I want to be measured by," he said. "I'm really proud of it." Featuring burlesque dancers, luchadores, martial artists, a standup comedian for good measure, and as always, Batts' partner in crime April Flores, Kiss Attack is the not-difficult-to-follow story of the five daughters of Vlad Drakul, each of whom is armed with a lethal lipstick created by Drakul's henchman, Mr. Experiment. Experiment's son, VMMX, is twisted with jealousy over the attention his father pays to the ladies, and vows to destroy them with the help of his gang, the Fleshers. "I'm not alt," Batts said. "This is a totally new thing." Shot in Los Angeles, Kiss Attack also features original music and comic storyboarding in addition to stars Flores, Sasha Gray, Claudia Rossi, Sara Vandella, and Damon Pierce as Mr. Experiment, who totally stole my look. Claudia Rossi is Cleopatra. She doesn't look Egyptian, but who does anymore? Flores is Ms. Sangre. She is acting circles around her scene partner. This is my favorite picture. Cholita makes an excellent hood ornament.Previously: April Flores: Diva; At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; Report: Purchases of "Gene Simmons" sex tape limited to people who already find Gene Simmons repugnant See also: Carlos Batts Labels: april flores, bbw, carlos batts, cholita, claudia rossi, fotos, pinups, sara vandella, sasha grey, WGL, zaftig ¶ Monday, March 03, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
No wonder Sasha Grey can't find her car
 It's because she has no place to put the remote.Unless... Previously: Sasha Grey's movies See also: Elegant Angel Labels: because, elegant angel, new porn daily, sasha grey ¶ Tuesday, February 19, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, December 28, 2007
Gram Ponante announces Oscars of Porn
 During a brief ceremony at the Lamplighter Restaurant this morning, the vaunted National Institutes of Pornographic And Pornotextual Arts changed the name of its annual awards from the Also-Rannies to its current title, the Excellence in Adult and/or Erotic Entertainment Honors. A simple nine-foot statue was wheeled across the parking lot."That looks like my Uncle Oscar!" someone exclaimed. "He is nine feet tall and also made of gold! You see, he was an alchemist and suffered from gigantism." From that simple outburst (quickly repressed by police and clergy), a tradition was born. Read the list of "The Oscars of Porn" after the gap. "I believe in America," Beloved Porn Journalist Gram Ponante said at the quiet ceremony. "I believe that everyone should have his or her own adult awards show. And we are quickly reaching a point where the ratio of Americans to adult awards shows is 1:1." Attendees wept and prayed as the awards were announced over strong cocktails and light salads. The spontaneous nature of the event kept any winner from attending, so in that way the ceremony was much like established awards shows such as the Adultcon Awards, the Temptation Awards, the FOXE awards, and the XRCOs.  Quintessence Award Dirty Harry "This award is presented to the person or persons who best represent the public's perception of adult entertainment. Dirty Harry often plays an incestuous scumbag who pimps out his daughter or seeks out women to beat him up. Harry truly is Dirty, and a scene in which he does not end up shrieking at someone or sobbing in his despair is uncharacteristic. God Bless You, Dirty Harry."  Self-Lubricating ArrivisteSindee Jennings "As R.E.M. said, 'Everybody squirts sometime', but Sindee Jennings squirts all the time. She squirts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and if she lived in London, she'd squirt for tea. She might even squirt tea. And unlike other squirters who have taught themselves how, Jennings' squirting is wild and untamed, as if ordained by God. It does not feel forced, and its consistency coats, soothes, and relieves. She is also from Texas, where my people live."  Sniffer Made GoodDave Navarro "Navarro circled closer and closer to porn until people started saying 'Red Hot Chili Who?' 'Jane's What?' While industry insiders might say that he has not paid his dues, remember that industry insiders rarely pay their cable bills. We look forward to a day when Navarro reaches 25,000 posts on porn chatboards like every other loser."  Best Intentional Porn ComedySpunk'd "Porn should be funny, and often is. Sometimes it seems people bend over backwards to siphon all the fun out of it. But this ensemble comedy starring Nick Manning and a dozen or so others achieves the lofty purpose of making a porn movie funny on purpose." Best Unintentional Porn Comedy Debbie Loves Dallas "A textbook case of reach exceeding grasp. Both the movie and its director (and we made sure to verify this beforehand) had no intention of being so abysmally, unintentionally hilarious."  Best Celebrity Sex TapeAmy Fisher Caught on Tape "A certified MILF who clings to her 'Long Island Lolita' roots, Amy Fisher, if I were a porn fortune cookie, would be 'Welcome at any gathering'. Without a doubt the best sex tape this year, because all the others were made to be watched by only a few people at most. This one was made for public consumption, even if half of the parties involved say it wasn't."  Concerted EffortJenny Hendrix "As Pink Floyd said, 'I've got the obligatory Hendrix sperm.' Hendrix works wicked hard. She has three phones working overtime. She hasn't taken a break since July. She makes drinks for people on set. She works well with others. She's thrifty, clean, and reverent. I would definitely recommend her for employment, a home loan, or cabinet position (preferably Reverse Cowgirl Secretary)."  Male Performer Who Knows What Time It IsNick Manning "For men who watch porn, watching other men is difficult, even impossible. And since no one will pony up for a greenscreen anytime this decade (despite porn being on the cutting edge of technology and all), the most we can hope for is that the male talent is entertaining. Nick Manning (close runner-up: Steven St. Croix) shows the perfect combination of acting and performing chops as well as a solid sense of where the male porn performer is in the firmament. He only steals scenes when there are no women in them. He doesn't overtalk, he shares the spotlight. And when allowed to do his thing, he displays the most sardonic character possible who still gets to 'wreck!' women onscreen. No one has a problem with Jack Nicholson playing the same character in every movie, so Manning should get an award, too."  The Kami Andrews Wish You Were Here AwardLorelei Lee "Who knows if she will be back, but Lorelei Lee is gone now, and we miss her."  Tony Conigliaro AwardNicki Hunter "This award, like its baseball counterpart, goes to the person who overcame adversity in style. Nicki Hunter was diagnosed with lymphoma one year ago and has returned to the adult business with equal parts vengeance and class. Congratulations also to the various fans and coworkers who got put personal gain aside to help out their friend."  Best Porn Set(tie) Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party (all) Barely Legal 75 "Usually I only spend a few hours in rooms full of naked women. Something changes when I'm there all day, as if I remember that there is an intrinsic value in spending the day with a room full of naked women. I feel like Caligula without the parts falling off. And Cousin Stevie and Erica Mclean run a very smooth, casual operation." Best Logline Cuckold - Chatsworth Pictures "Sometimes the only thing wrong with your wife is you."  Best Inevitable Title She Is Half My Age - Brandon Iron "Porn has always been about older men and younger women. It seems more like Sociology class to watch people the same age having sex (that's why I stayed in college so long). This movie puts a name on the giddy joy one feels when discovering that $900 and an agent's fee can buy you Faye Valentine." Biggest Comeback (Where "biggest" is the shortest intervening time between announcemment of retirement and retraction of retirement) (tie) Luke Ford Kurt Lockwood Belladonna "Luke Ford announced he was leaving the porn industry yet continues to show up at porn events, Kurt Lockwood announced his retirement, paternity, and a move to Spain in September and returned to work in October, and Belladonna announced her retirement from performing and three weeks later announced her retirement from her retirement. Needless to say, some comebacks are more welcome than others."  Most Satisfying MovieNaughty Flipside "When you get right down to it, the most effective porn format ever is the gonzo, in which setups are kept to a minimum and sex scenes get underway quickly. The scripted feature may showcase other talents of the cast and crew, but those are always exercises in diminishing returns, no matter how well-intended. Naughty Flipside Volume One presents the perfect combination of quick, fantastical setups followed by the lighthearted inevitabilities of Dana DeArmond, Sasha Grey, Adrianna Nicole, and Pinky Lee."  Ambition without Embarrassment Award Upload "Upload is a great movie. More than that, it is a movie that has high ideals. (Almost) nothing is worse than a movie that shows more of its creators' limitations than its creators' intentions, and this movie's intentions weren't grounded by budget, talent, or cast; every element shot for the sky. Also, there was sex in it." National Institutes of Pornographic and Pornotextual Arts Director of the Year Award Jim Powers "Jim Powers is an effective porn director because he never forgets why the audience is there, so he keeps extraneous things like plot and guys' faces to a minimum. Despite this, he works so well within the limitations of the form that each movie is memorable and lightly-to-moderately sprayed with his own cultural references and cynical sense of humor. Watching a Jim Powers movie is the essence of a guilty pleasure, because you really do feel intellectually and spiritually ashamed afterwards. He's a genius."  Quote of the YearAlex Sanders to Julie Night, Upload "Get it wet or I'll stick it in you dry." Previously: Gram Ponante announces Also-Rannies Labels: "eli cross", "nicki hunter", adrianna nicole, awards, directors, eva angelina, jenny hendrix, jim powers, kurt lockwood, lorelei lee, Nick Manning, pinky lee, sasha grey, sindee jennings, steven st croix, steveporn ¶ Friday, December 28, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Monday, December 10, 2007
Not just another Morbid Monday
 Mandy Morbid, last seen cavorting in these virtual pages with Glenn Danzig, has launched MandyMorbid.com, featuring a free hardcore video every week and a spare and haunting design.Is it because she's Canadian that the callipygian and pink-haired Morbid has strap-on bathroom sex with Sssha Grey? No. Her being Canadian is a red herring. She has strap-on bathroom sex with Grey because it needed to happen. Grey greyces the launch of Morbid's site the way David Bowie played with The Arcade Fire or Nancy Reagan once lent her street cred to "Diff'rent Strokes"; it is good to open with a celebrity. Next week Morbid, who runs the site herself, will take on someone named Ming the Merciless. Morbid is the partner of similarly-tinted Zak Sabbath, who told me that he is building a monster to fuck Morbid in a future website update. "It has to have the right number of tentacles, but also look serious enough to pose a fucking threat," he explained. Previously: See The Taunting, then you drink; Barbed Wire confidential; "Now I've seen everything"; Stagger Lee See also: Mandy Morbid Labels: canadian, mandy morbisd, sasha grey, websites, zak sabbath ¶ Monday, December 10, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
If it ain't Broken...
 In terms of porn movies directed by musicians, I liked Dave Navarro's Broken a lot better than Snoop Dogg's videos (Sorry, brother from another mother). In terms of porn movies directed by men in makeup, I liked Dave Navarro's Broken better than any Jennifer James video. Damn - in fact, in terms of porn videos in general, I liked Dave Navarro's Broken better than many.But here's the thing: Sasha Grey is in danger of being stereotyped as the victimized reluctant porn star who turns on people with a gun (because this also happened in Joe Gallant's The Skin Trade). As her spiritual advisor, I recommend uplifting couples' porns from now on. Read the review here. Previously: Navarro film to explore duality, empowerment, avoid grandiosity Labels: dave navarro, joe gallant, reviews, sasha grey ¶ Wednesday, October 31, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, October 05, 2007
Barely Babysitters
 These movies are similar in that the titles suggest characters younger than the people in the cast. That doesn't make them bad; there is just a disconnect between presentation and reality, like when I talk about skateboards and Ritalin.Read the review for Babysitters here. Read the review for Barely Legal 75 here . Labels: angie savage, Digital Playground, gina lynn, hustler, jenny hendrix, jesse jane, nikki benz, sasha grey, sophia santi ¶ Friday, October 05, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Babysitters: The hand that rocks the cradle, other things
 Not one parent who lays eyes on a babysitter in this movie even leaves the house.On the other hand, wherever those children are, they are severely neglected. Also, it behooves me to remind you that this image is courtesy of DigitalPlayground.com: The Filmmakers' Company's Website. Also, Angie Savage doesn't play a babysitter in this film. She plays a mom. I just happen to like Angie Savage. You think if she were a contract star they'd allow a shutter to get in the way like that? I'm surprised they didn't shoot her in the head. Read the review of Babysitters here. Previously: Shameless promotion See also: Digital Playground Labels: "nautica thorn", angie savage, Digital Playground, jesse jane, nikki benz, sasha grey, shay j, sophia santi, teagan presley ¶ Wednesday, October 03, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, September 17, 2007
Rob Rotten provides jobs for gay homeless, Sasha Grey
I never understood blowjob movies; the same amount of clothing comes off and the result ends up in the same place as it would in a full penetration movie. Is it for people who, like Bill Clinton, don't consider the blowjob sex?Regardless, Rob Rotten, after nearly a year away from the porn fold after suffering injuries in a racing accident ("I lost my right front brake going 140," he said), has returned with Swallow My Children, a very funny movie that happens to have blowjobs in it. "Blowjobs are less expensive," Rotten pointed out. "That's why blowjob movies have a million girls in them." Read more after the gap. Rotten makes and appears in three kinds of porn movies. Funny ones, scary ones, and porn movies utilizing his tattoos. Swallow My Children is of the first category, and as such it really is fun to watch, as everyone in it plays his or her white trash character expertly. There are a few people making funny porn movies. Cram and Grip Johnson of Chatsworth Pictures and Jim Powers of JM and Sin City don't put their characters on pedestals but do allow for gallows wit. When the performers are smart, the viewer is left with a winning combination of sexy women with senses of humor. Naughty America's new line, Naughty Flipside, crafts scenarios that are more whimsical, but not so whimsical that the scene becomes something other than the sex people are having. I forgot to ask where Rotten grew up and how much money he had while doing so, but if you can judge his overall aesthetic from Swallow My Children, I'd bet the lifestyle and characters depicted in the movie and Rotten's weekend world aren't far apart.  There's surf punk/metal playing in the background, purple-haired Daisy Tanks playing shuffleboard barefoot, amiable dudes with nothing to do but lift weights, and Tony Tedeschi pissing on the roof. California affords many a lifestyle that allows them to continue the best part of their high school existences until at least age 42.There's a genial vagrant serving as narrator. "I didn't want to narrate the movie myself," Rotten said. "I said 'I wish I had a homeless guy or something' and one of the guys in the crew said, 'Are you serious? There's this gay homeless guy outside the liquor store down the street' and I said 'Go get him." Angus McGillicuddy wanders in and out of the movie, a stunned Hungarian model sitting behind him ("At first I think she thought she was going to have to blow him," Rotten said) and lends the project its California-inclusive, Nothing But A Houseparty vibe. I asked how much McGillicuddy got paid. "Four beers? Five beers?" Rotten replied.  I like to think that Rotten had a few women in mind for this large-cast, low budget movie, and he filled out the rest of the roster with blondes. Some of the most inspired and goofy scenes involved non-blondes, including newcomer Daisy Tanks, Jocelyn Jaden, and Sasha Grey.People talk about exploitation and empowerment in porn, and I've never found an example of either. While there are those who weren't clever in making a decision to appear in a porn movie, they have agreed to a wage and they are not being exploited. In fact, those who would argue that porn exploits the not-too-clever draw a line between the higher-paid mistakes of these performers' mainstream counterparts. Is appearing in an MTV teen drama or Fox reality show not exploitive because an AFTRA contract is involved? Whereas accusations of exploitation come from the outside, the empowerment defense is employed by pornographers who say that their material actually helps women. This, too, is bullshit. Anyway, I think that people like Rotten have the right idea; he made a movie full of natural light and women who, given the right circumstances, might actually have fucked these dudes without being paid for it. It almost seems democratic. "Isn't Sasha Grey hot?" Rotten asked. She plays the bemused girlfriend of a loser who rolls himself down a hill in a barrel. You don't normally hear people in porn saying things like this, because most people who have the confidence to fuck on film at the very least are attractive because of that confidence. "Yes," I said. "It's nice seeing her in the sunshine." "I ask them to not show up with all that porn shit on," he said. "It doesn't make them look good." Read the review here. Previously: Rotten, "Too Close for Comfort" rift worsens; Daisy Tanks is the solution to Rob Rotten's lap mystery See also: Punx Productions Labels: "rob rotten", daisy tanks, reviews, sasha grey ¶ Monday, September 17, 2007 2 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 17, 2007
Navarro film to explore duality, empowerment, avoid grandiosity
 Rock star Dave Navarro is directing porn, as was inevitable considering his proximity to this world over the past few years.Dave Navarro: Broken was shot this summer for Teravision and features Sasha Grey, Jenna Haze, Victoria Sin, Audrey Bitoni, Kayla Page, Lisa Daniels, Tommy Gunn, Marco Banderas, Mark Davis, and Spyder Jonez (but not Tera Patrick). Read more after the gap. Porn world shorthand for Navarro's music career has always mentioned his role as guitarist for Jane's Addiction (currently broken up) and also the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Navarro has been with Jane's Addiction through all its incarnations but only played with the Chili Peppers for 1995's "One Hot Minute" album. But his work as a hired gun has also been impressive. He has played with Christina Aguilera, Marilyn Manson, and was featured on Alanis Morrisette's 1995 "Jagged Little Pill". Currently, he fronts the band Panic Channel, hangs around porn, and is involved in a number of new media ventures, including Spread Entertainment. Navarro's dabbling in porn was an open secret this year, and the question was which side of the camera he'd show up on. "We're trying to get him to perform, but I don't know if he'll do it," Teravision president Evan Seinfeld told me in July. Navarro does not perform in Broken. Navarro, whose father was a Spanish immigrant, grew up in Los Angeles and has led a rich and varied life. Married and divorced three times, most recently to Carmen Electra, Navarro co-authored his biography, "Don't Try This At Home", with "The Game" author and Jenna Jameson's ghostwriter, Neil Strauss. Even more autobiographical is Navarro's solo album "Trust No One", which is excellent. Teravision decribes Broken's protagonist, Sasha Grey, as "a young woman torn apart by the duality of control and powerlessness in her life." Navarro told adult trade publication XBiz that he wanted the movie to contain themes of empowerment without being "grandiose". Dave Navarro: Broken will be released September 27. Previously: Jameson and Navarro: Hosting duties left vague; XFanz porns burlesque See also: Rock Star Dave Navarro Directs for Teravision (xbiz), Teravision, Dave Navarro Labels: celebrity, dave navarro, sasha grey, teravision, xbiz ¶ Friday, August 17, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Sasha Grey's Jezebel & June
 "It's like The Ring but less sexy!" - Student Film Intellectual MonthlyPreviously: Something is about to happen to Sasha Grey; A little more Ssha Grey never hurt anybody; Profiles in missing the point See also: Sasha Grey Labels: art, germans, sasha grey ¶ Thursday, June 07, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, May 07, 2007
In a white room with meat curtains
I saw Sasha Grey in a movie, Innocence Brat, and the very next day bumped into her in Simi Valley (I am a G.O.P. candidate for President, and I was speaking at the Ronald Reagan Library).Because I am newly concerned with unsafe practices on film sets, I was concerned with the relentless whiteness of the background, against which Grey and others cavorted on single pieces of furniture. "The studio was all white, and you didn't know where the wall curved up," Grey said. "And the lights were very bright. It was really hot." "It was," I said. "The lights," she said.  Previously: A Little more Sasha Grey never hurt anybody; Stagger Lee; In a Wet Room with black curtains... See also: Sasha Grey, Ninnworx Labels: dvd, interviews, sasha grey ¶ Monday, May 07, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
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