| --Thursday, July 03, 2008--
What is reality, really? Jandi Lin talks about Foursome
 Yesterday I wrote about Jandi Lin's appearance on Playboy's faux-reality show Foursome, and today Lin talks about the casting process, which underlines the fact that reality TV isn't real.
"That was just about the lamest thing I've ever done," she said. "Fuck reality TV."
"It was a very extensive casting process and not the best-organized. I felt like they wanted extreme sexuality and drama. They had me come in and do interviews on-camera, telling stories of my 'wildest sexual experience.' I told them about my needle-play experience in Berlin and how porn has broadened my sexual horizons. I tried to present a down-to-earth, well-rounded person... I should have realized that I was being interviewed for reality TV and that down-to-earth is probably the last thing they wanted.
"It wasn't until the final interviews that I really understood how reality TV works. They would ask me questions and I would give these long, articulate answers. Then they would pick what they wanted out of my sentence and have me repeat it in a condensed sound-byte. At first, I thought they were just having me reiterate things for clarification purposes. I soon realized that they were feeding me lines and sculpting my experience into something misleading and overly-dramatic that they could cut up into previews and 30-second commercials.
But I'm sure I'm not alone in this experience... Which is why I´ve decided to never do reality TV again." In another life I worked at a company that produced reality television. One of the company's shows was the original "Making the Band," about a fabricated group of musicians, a la the Monkees with less charm and no interest in women. A receptionist in the office was cast as one of the band members' (each of whom was gay) "long-lost girlfriend". She thought it was her big acting break.
Previously: Jandi Lin is not a good Catholic
See also: Jandi Lin on MySpaceLabels: jandi lin, playboy, pornic voices, reality
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, July 02, 2008--
Jandi Lin is not a good Catholic
 Jandi Lin showed up on a recent episode of Playboy TV's faux dating reality show "Foursome," (airing Fridays) in which two men and two women share a Malibu house for the weekend and are mercilessly goaded via product placement into having sex.
 Each of the foursome has a backstory, and Jandi is introduced as a model.
 While porn perfomers are, strictly speaking, models, Playboy committed what we Catholics call a Sin of Omission, like when I introduced Belladonna to my parents as a parapsychologist rather than the star of My Ass Is Haunted.
I usually hate reality shows for a couple of reasons. One is because I know I'm watching something that has been teased into shape, no matter how raw it appears. Another is my abiding misanthropy.
 So not only do I chafe with people acting like they're cool and "real," but also I hate who they're trying to be. At least that's how I feel when I watch C-Span.
 Here's an exchange between demure Alaina and brain-dead personal trainer Peter:
Alaina: So who are you?
Peter: Who am I? A guy. Just chilling. That's right: Peter is the type of guy who repeats your question back to you. Then he uses the word "chilling" in a context other than the appropriate one, which would be to describe the thought of giving him a mortgage or the keys to your car.
 The foursome is tempted with erotic snacks, a visit to a sex store, and maid service. Before my screener DVD crashed, Jandi had still not told her love interest, the affable Australian Kerry, that she likes Star Trek, diddles Ange Venus and, last I heard, was dating Matt Zane.
 As you know, I strive for transparency in all things, which is why I have no trouble telling you that I am the Vice President of the United States. That Playboy did not have the decency to reveal Jandi Lin's superpower is shameful.
Previously: "We can be nerds together"; Pool party auteur; Matt Zane's irons, immortal soul in the fire
See also: Playboy TV's "Foursome"Labels: ange venus, jandi lin, playboy, reality, tv
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, April 09, 2008--
Playboy's mounting Canadians
 I talked with Danny Vegas (formerly Daniel Lenko), title character of Playboy's The Boy Nexxt Door (the lack of three Xs should tip you off that its Playboy and he's Canadian), who told me about delivering pizza and making porn in his parents' basement in his native Edmonton, Alberta.
"I had no girls and no guys," he said. "I'd go to bars to recruit and the guys would be all for it until they heard they'd be seen by other people."
Vegas trudges through the snow to deliver pizza in his Flock of Seagulls haircut, then returns home to discover his mother has moved his Lord of Asses DVD while tidying up.
Vegas was 20 when Playboy began filming him two years ago. The Boy Nexxt Door looks staged even by reality show standards, but it still has elements you wouldn't find elsewhere, like unabashed Canadian accents, real snow, and Vegas himself, whose wholesome Tim Burton look identifies him as the rebel in his neighborhood.
We also meet his school film teacher, who encourages Vegas' nascent porn career. His teacher would probably be out of a job south of the border, but no one seems to blink when he talks about his use of porn to "short-stroke myself to ecstasy" or, after declining Vegas' offer to stunt-cock in one of his movies, says "the old grey mare ain't what he used to be." Silly Canadians have different genders for horses.
 "I started watching porn when I was 12," Vegas said. "The way my family is, there was no taboo, though now they draw a distinction between directing and performing."
Vegas' parents seem less long-suffering and more bemused than the parents of Jackass' Bam Margera, but the show still plays up their confusion and, according to Vegas, "the neighbors still don't know." (Vegas and I talked on the phone, so he probably said "neighbours.")
The series plays on Friday nights on Playboy TV, and culminates with Vegas' trip to last year's AVN show. He says that he will soon get word if there is to be a season 2.
Vegas finally did get local performer Zaira to film a scene after several failed attempts to get local bar girls to perform.
"Maybe I went about it the wrong way," he said. "I'd say to girls, 'Well, you're going to go home and fuck somebody at the end of the night anyway; you might as well get paid for it.'"
Previously: Scenes from the class struggle in Playboy's Penthouse
See also: PlayboyLabels: amateur, canada, danny vegas, interviews, playboy, reality, zaira
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, January 03, 2008--
Ashlynn Brooke to entice you to disrobe
 Better than some clown with a camera phone and a handful of gummy Mardi Gras beads, Ashlynn Brooke will be roaming Las Vegas daring visitors to show her the money.
"I Dare 2 Bare" is a 13-episode series in which Brooke compels women to strip through force of will, some cash, and the blandishments of a converted airport shuttle.
"It will be a fun challenge getting people off the street to see how far they will go," she said.
The way this is different from Joe Francis and "Girls Gone Wild" is that it's a woman running the show, she pays with money rather than t-shirts, and the van looks clean. So it's totally, totally wholesome.
Previously: Girls gone litigious; Porn personnel 8 percent of Dumb Hollywood
See also: Trailer at Vavoom TV, New Sensations, Ashlynn Brooke
Labels: Ashlynn Brooke, joe francis, las vegas, new sensations, reality, street theatre
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, May 18, 2007--
Couples Seduce Teens 6
 As President of the Porn Valley Chamber of Commerce, I am concerned that potential visitors and new business owners will see a movie like this and think that predatory couples are constantly cruising the area's Von's parking lots for unsuspecting teens to lure into porn shoots.
The problem is that the movie only shows one couple at a time cruising the parking lots of supermarkets, bodegas, panaderias, synagogues, In 'n' Out Burgers, correctional facilities, and the Van Nuys Airport when in fact there might be seven or eight couples at a pop on a given Saturday afternoon.
This movie also underlines a very savvy move on the part of men in swinging relationships; if one is lucky enough to have a wife who'll engage in threesomes with teen girls, it is smart and thoughtful for a man to choose a girl who is less attractive than his wife. That way, after the girl leaves, he can still quash the inevitable jealousy with, "You're way hotter than she was, Baby."
Read the review here.
Previously: Bat not included; Couples Seduce Teens 3
See also: Pink VisualLabels: "pink visual", dvd, reality, reviews
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, November 15, 2006--
The Couches of Orange County
 Many people pierce the Orange Curtain only with trepidation, but that is where some of our nation's finest reality pornography is being shot, specifically on Billy Glide's couch.
People come up to me every day and ask, "Grams, what is reality?" and I can only quote from Charlene's song "I've Never Been to Me":
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love...... Boy are they sorry they asked! Suckers. Next time remind me to squeeze a tube of Slap A Fool.
So maybe it's not actually reality. Maybe the people involved are all bona fide porn personalities, like Sarah Sunn and Naomi here. But isn't it enough that they appear like they'd do anything just to go on a vacation where they'll be treated like chew toys all weekend?
The interesting thing about this series of low-budget scenelets is that the viewer gets the impression the neighbors are about to start banging on the wall in a minute, especially with the Urban Legends section of the website.
(By contrast, for Island Fever 4, I understand that Digital Playground airlifted all the island residents to Van Nuys for the duration of the shooting.)
Previously: The Possible Blumpkin; Speed dating with Angela Stone; Taylor Rain's Dunatics of Dune
See also: Billy GlideLabels: "billy glide", reality
posted by Gram the Man
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While GramPonante.com is written for a tenth-grade reading level (in some countries), you must be 18 years or older to visit this site. Sorry.
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Yesterday I wrote about Jandi Lin's appearance on Playboy's faux-reality show Foursome, and today Lin talks about the casting process, which underlines the fact that reality TV isn't real.
