| --Wednesday, September 17, 2008--
Priva's vagina of darkness
 Contributor Eddie Adams has this to say about Hustler's orientalist fantasy Asian Fever 36:
"And if you're quiet enough, you can actually hear Joseph Conrad sprouting a stiffy from the grave."
(Seriously, I'm gonna be out of a job.)
Read the review here.
Previously: Your weekend in sex tourism
See also: HustlerLabels: asian, eddie adams, private, reviews
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, July 02, 2007--
New Porn Daily: Sex Secrets of the Yeti
 I consulted my 12-year-old self, who proclaimed Private's Sex Secrets of the Yeti "even better than Krull".
It hasn't snowed in Los Angeles since 1962, so the idea of porn shot in the snow almost seems like science fiction. Leave it to the wacky Europeans to make Sex Secrets of the Yeti, in which different men dressed in gorilla suits for no good reason couple with ski-suited Euro-hotties atop an alp.
This movie is tremendously stupid, but that matters little in a porn movie. I only mentioned it was tremendously stupid because I pay myself by the word. Still, it bears mentioning that at one point a ski bunny and the Yeti have been walking toward each other for about 30 feet before she even slightly registers apprehension.
Then there's the scene where the Yeti and a not-Yeti bang their sweethearts side by side. That we see the guy in the Yeti suit's t-shirt all the way through makes me think that Private had blown so much of the budget on the location and keeping the ladies in chapstick that the company paid very little attention to explaining why the Yeti did not rip his conquests limb from limb afterward.
But maybe that's one of his sex secrets.
Previously: Every picture tells a story; Ladyboy or Cenobite?; Private introduces first hybrid synergy porn star
See also: PrivateLabels: cenobites, geekery, new porn daily, private
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, May 14, 2007--
New Porn Daily: Sand in the Cracks Edition
 Maybe the official start date is over a month off, but as there have been several days recently in which the temperature has been over 90 degrees here at Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Helipad, Kibbutz, and Lobster Hatchery, I am prepared to say that summer is here. Also: Global warming. Also: Spiderman 3 opened.
Above is Private's former contract girl, Priva, getting her parts sanded in African Temptation (you'd think that would be an interracial title, but it's not), which is part of the company's Tropical Deluxe 6 box set that includes only sandy interludes.
I would be interested in comments from anyone who has not had a disappointing time having sex on a beach. Porn stars, who don't earn that much money, should get hazard pay for beach work. In addition to the sand, they also have to worry about:
1. Vengeful lepers from The Fog
2. Those lobster things from The Dark Tower
3. Al Gore checking water levels
4. Interloping Adam & Eve shoots
5. Retirees with metal detectors
 Here is Simone. Even though the Europeans in the movie spoke English for our benefit, it was still difficult to decipher. Sample dialogue:
Guy: You are taking now the flying lesson?
Girl: Yes. Soon I will be able to fly around. I do not want to catch you with bad girl. (As if she might see them from the plane?)
Guy: No, no, baby.
Girl: I will being very mad.
Still, I guess the dialogue is better than a Bill Mullet press release.
Previously: Private introduces world's first hybrid synergy porn star; Sex City review
See also: PrivateLabels: "contract girls", dvd, new porn daily, occupational hazards, private
posted by Gram the Man
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