Obama on orgasm donations: I'd much rather have the money
Destin Gerek, a San Francisco-based Certified Somatic Sexologist and self-proclaimed "Erotic Rockstar"* is raising awareness and erectile tissue for his presidential contender of choice by spearheading O's for Obama, a series of live and web-streamed events.
"If you care about the future of this country and this planet you won’t want to miss this,” said Gerek, who begins his campaign on Friday, October 24 at the San Francisco club 1015 Folsom.
But will Obama reject the endorsement of a group of juicy-handed, writhing San Franciscans in the same way he eschewed the help of his former pastor, Jeremiah Wright?
An anonymous source within the Obama campaign explained it this way:
"It would be like your loving girlfriend made you a pot roast that you knew would kill you if you ate it, and that smelled like feet. You suppose the intention was good, but that won't matter if you're dead, or if Sarah Palin becomes President."
"This is about more than Obama becoming the next president of the United States,” Gerek responded. “On his website Barack Obama assures us that he is asking us to believe not just in his ability to bring about real change in Washington but ours. I agree with him. This is our time to create change. This is our time to create the world that we want to be living in. Barack Obama is a piece of the puzzle. We are the rest of the puzzle. Change is coming, so let's come together."
Obama was heard to mutter "Yes. But could you please come over there, behind that wall? Or maybe can you stage an 'Orgasms Against McCain' rally and leave me out of it?"
The O's for Obama press release described what would be expected of participants:
Participants will be guided into using breath, sound, and movement to access their erotic energy, raise its vibration, and circulate it throughout their entire bodies, culminating in a simultaneous group energetic breath-gasm.
I imagine that Darklady and Halcyon "Pinkgasm" Styn and any number of Burning Man types will read this press release and think, "Goddess Damn It - my life coach said that I'm the one who's supposed to be cashing in on masturbation this year."
*there are various publications that, when referring to me, will write "self-proclaimed 'America's Beloved Porn Journalist'" and it always offends me - now I'm doing it. But come on.
Details magazine thoughtfully provided a list of ten women in politics who it thought were hotter than Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin.
Clockwise from right we see Palin's recent Vogue cover, then Carey Torrice, commissioner of Macomb County, Michigan (I think Ms. Torrice looks like Hillary Scott), South Dakota congresswoman Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, and Mary Carey (I know this doesn't count, but she did run for California governor and ate at the White House).
Assemblywomen Janelle Hyer Spencer of New York and Nicole Parra of California round out the list in a pair of poses I call "Gram's Beans And Franks."
What terrifies me is that I don't see a great deal of difference in the general ill-advisedness of having either Sarah Palin or Mary Carey as a leader, aside from the fact that Carey ran as a joke and Palin might actually believe she's qualified.
"Beyond courage, beyond honor, we find our hearts and minds."
Thus begins the boxcover copy for New Sensations' sequel to Hearts & Minds, starring Ashlynn Brooke and Tommy Gunn and which looks to be a cross between Blackhawk Down, Coming Home, and Big-Titted Teens.
There is an adult industry term for the type of porno that a guy will get as a ploy to make his partner think he got it by mistake: it is called a couples' movie. The boxcover copy of H&M2 barely lists sex at all, in the same way John McCain did not mention the nation's jobless rate in his RNC acceptance speech.
"During the war, a U.S. Marine squad is dispatched into hostile territory to rescue the survivors of a helicopter crash. This is the story of the brave men and women who fight for our freedom and the loved ones they leave behind. No greater sacrifice can be given than to lay down your life for another. Writer/producer Nic Andrews and director Andre Madness bring you an exhilarating action movie packed with pulse-pounding action, intense sex scenes, and heartfelt drama."
The boxcover goes on:
"To all our military: Thank you for your courage and your sacrifice. Come home safe. Someone who loves you is waiting."
I can imagine the girlfriend coming home to find her boyfriend in mid-stream, and he says, "But Baby: During the war, a U.S. Marine squad is dispatched into hostile territory to rescue the survivors of a helicopter crash! This is the story of the brave men and women who fight for our freedom and the loved ones they leave behind! No greater sacrifice can be given than to lay down your life for another! Writer/producer Nic Andrews and director Andre Madness bring you an exhilarating action movie packed with pulse-pounding action! I didn't even get to the part about the sex!"
He'll have further ammunition when he points out that the movie is "based on actual events."
I cannot wait to watch this movie. I want whoever crafts New Sensations' boxcover copy to write an excuse for why there is a dead hooker in my trunk.
I realized Friday's post about faked miscarriages should be called Happy (False) Labor Day, but we all need to move on in light of this weekend's odd news about that free-thinking Palin family of Alaska.
Kudos to John McCain for so carefully vetting his choice of vice president. He deftly evoked historical V.P. choices like J. Danforth Quayle and employed contemporary themes such as those espoused in this year's Best Screenplay Academy Award winner Juno. (Or should I say Juneau?)
As promised, here is the review of Benny Profane's Hospital as well as a contribution from reader Chauncey Boyd concerning Hustler's Get Smartass.
McCain to take the world in love embrace at Sturgis Rally
John McCain, Republican candidate for President, will open up for Kid Rock tonight in Sturgis, South Dakota, as part of its annual motorcycle rally.
"All we represent to them, Man, is somebody needs haircuts," McCain will not tell revelers at the Black Hills two-wheeled debauch-a-thon, not adding, "I like smoke and lightning - heavy metal thunder."
The Senator will participate in the Tribute to American Veterans and Active Duty Servicemen at the Buffalo Chip, a performance venue and campground in Sturgis, prior to ceding the stage to Kid Rock and, later, the semi-finals of the Miss Buffalo Chip Beauty Contest.
Democratic candidate Barack Obama will not be speaking at the Rally, though the values expressed in movies like Easy Rider don't have much room on the McCain platform. It is a risky move either way, and it takes guts to align oneself so publicly with Kid Rock, as I found when we went in on a failed school lunch venture together, Bawitabaloney.
Naturally I would think better of McCain if he began his speech this way:
My fellow Americans, I was coming back from a motorcycle classic in Sturgis, South Dakota, on my motorcycle on U.S. Highway 14. Just outside Spotted Horse, I ran into a deer. I had no chance. Even though the highway people had mowed the sides, they couldn't mow around the culverts, and the doe jumped right in front of the bike. I had a chance to say one word, "Fuck!", and then I hit it. I know this: If a bullet has my name on it, I won't be calling for my mother. But the only reason I'm alive and telling this story, is because of the big FL front end and that solid tire on my Fat Boy. God Bless You and the United States of America.
Pictured with McCain is Miss Sturgis 2008, Rachel Reilly, and the local florist.
Are today's sports heroes pussy-whipped? Is the rapper Everlast still alive and, if so, what does he think about hip-hop? Is there anything left to say about the Moonlite Bunnyranch?
Hustler Magazine is hoping you want to know, and will answer these questions as well as this one: Is Ann Coulter a dude? The September issue, which comes out in a week (?), also features nudity.
Sex workers: Republicans provide more work, but Democrats do in a pinch
Denver's upcoming Democratic National Convention will lure not only Clinton and Obama supporters but also thousands of hookers, the people who keep track of sex workers say. But that's nothing compared to what Republicans get up to.
The following story has a similar lead paragraph to what I just wrote, but I swear I didnt copy it. I'm just that hooked into the zeitgeist.
From The Rocky Mountain News:
Political tricks may not be the only ones turned during the Democratic National Convention in Denver this August.
The sex and adult entertainment industries are expecting a boom in business when an estimated 35,000 visitors descend on the Mile High City for the presidential nominating bash.
At the Pepsi Center, the focus will be on a single nominee.
But outside the event, the choices available to the delegates, journalists and others are unlimited, giving new meaning to the term "conventional sex."
More than six months before the convention comes to Denver, the offerings already online range from Claudia the "she- male porn star" to Erin the "adorable college cutie," whose $300- an-hour services are guaranteed to "leave you breathless."
Surprised?
Don't be.
Denver is, after all, home to Mike Jones, the beefy male prostitute who claimed to have bedded the Rev. Ted Haggard in his Capitol Hill apartment.
Jay Watson, who promises an unforgettable milk bath and lotion massage for $125 an hour, said he's expecting to be busy during the DNC Aug. 25-28.
Why?
"Because look at me," said Watson, a 25-year-old Aurora man with a Mohawk. "I'm cute. I'm sexy and I deliver it all."
'More business' from GOP
Too bad for Watson and others like him that Denver didn't land the GOP convention instead, said Carol Leigh, a San Francisco prostitute "over 50" who has traveled to previous Democratic conventions in Los Angeles and Atlanta.
"It would be a lot better for the sex workers if it was the Republican convention," she said.
"We get a lot more business. I don't know if they're just frustrated because of the family values agenda," she said.
When the Republican convention was held in New York in 2004, some sex workers offered limited-time discounts, according to New York Magazine, which ran a feature story titled "The Girls in Their Summer Hot Pants."
Officer Ana Aguirre, a spokeswoman for the Los Angeles police, which hosted the DNC in 2000, said there's "definitely a spike" in prostitution during large events like political conventions.
In Denver, said police spokesman Sonny Jackson, "We're preparing to handle a variety of issues that may come up."
Even though they attract a lot of people, political conventions aren't the most profitable for the men and women in the world's oldest profession, Leigh said.
"Computer conventions can be lucrative," she said. "There's a lot of nerds that don't get out much."
But money is money, and the Democrats are expected to inject millions of dollars into the metro area when they flock into town.
"We're preparing to be busy for that convention," said Tracy, a manager for Bare Assets, a Denver-based adult entertainment agency that does everything "from singing telegrams to novelty acts to topless to nude."
Tracy declined to give her last name or say whether the agency had any DNC-related bookings.
"Whether it be because of the convention or because it's somebody's bachelor party, it's just private (information)," she said.
Jumps in advertising
Beverly Chastain, a door girl at the Diamond Cabaret & Steakhouse, a gentleman's club downtown, said reservations should start picking up this month.
"When it comes to conventions and stuff, we do free entry for it and then we just plan on advertising our lunch buffet and stuff more," she said.
Taylor Wheeler, classified sales manager for Westword, a weekly that includes an escort and body rub section, said his staff is expecting an increase in personals as the DNC approaches.
"I can't say it didn't cross our mind with all the delegates in town that they might be kind of on their own," he said.
Advertising for escorts and other personals jumped when the NBA All-Star game was in town, he said.
I don't know about you, but for me each day is a search for meaning.
"Who can I trust? What is truth?" etc.
As if mailed personally by the Intelligent Designer, Girls Handling Cocks was squeezed through the mail slot of Gram Ponante Towers, Quarry, Centrifuge, and Haberdashery today, featuring a cast of people I've never heard of, including Zanza Raggi and Veronica Vanoza, from a country that has only existed recently.
"They look like innocent little sweethearts. But despite their cute looking faces and their tight young bodies...They know how to handle a big and hard cock. See what they do best..."
I recently watched Dave Navarro's Broken, and I was like: Good movie, but what the hell does broken mean? Now, Girls Handling Cocks - I know what to expect.
If only our presidential candidates could be so forthcoming.
I understand that a compilation from the Czech Republic, or Macedonia, or wherever, featuring no U.S. citizens, couldn't possibly be elected President in these intolerant times. That is why when Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Rudy Giuliani, and Mitt Romney come to California or your state within the next few months (unless you're from Alaska, Hawaii, Maine, or Alabama), you must ask them, "How is your candidacy like Girls Handling Cocks?"
Semi-retired porn star (because she lives in Maryland) Samantha Sterlyng created a video for a college Government class in which she projected slides of current and former Bush Administration officials on her body.
Destin Gerek, a San Francisco-based Certified Somatic Sexologist and self-proclaimed "Erotic Rockstar"* is raising awareness and erectile tissue for his presidential contender of choice by spearheading O's for Obama, a series of live and web-streamed events.
