| --Tuesday, November 11, 2008--
Thai, Brazilian, or Unspecified Asian? A quiz
 Like you, I have trouble telling certain individuals apart. Sometimes groups of people look the same. For me, those groups include adult webmasters (goatee/scalp visible through styling gel), executive assistants to basic cable executives (gay), community theatre stage managers (broken ankle/leg), steveporn performers (haunted/sullen), etc.
For this reason I am sympathetic to the dilemma of porn consumers who can't tell Japanese performers from Thai ones or Brazilian girls from their counterparts in Honduras. I am sad to say that there are few rules; you have to study each closely.
My friends at Third World Media have put together this gallery where the only sure thing is this: If it's a tan line, it's Brazilian.
See the gallery here.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Recent Brazilian porthropological discovery; Japanese porn exporters put their money where the mosaic is
See also: Third World MediaLabels: asian, brazil, filipina, japan, latina, third world media
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, October 30, 2008--
Hustler gentrifies the barrio
 As you know, Hustler is a welcome guest in every neighborhood, increasing property values, digging wells, encouraging local youth to settle their differences through The Dance rather than gang fights.
But today's report in the Journal of Civil Engineering indicates that Hustler is turning ethnic neighborhoods white, as evidenced by the fifth installment of Barrio Booty, which features Rachel Solari, the whitest cover model yet.
 "She looks like an oiled Debbie Reynolds or Donna Reed," said Loup Perch-Tounge, PhD., of the simultaneously undoubtedly bootylicious and Caucasian Solari. "She's more White Tag Sale than Swapmeet."
Added Professor Lemt Squirrele, "Red beans and rice didn't miss her, per se, but it looks like she got them while she was a Peace Corps volunteer."
 Solari will present a paper at The Bleachening Face of the Barrio, a symposium sponsored by the non-profit ATOGM Group of Cambridge.
I don't care if Hustler turns my neighborhood white. As long as the Los Angeles Department of Water And Power continues delivering my malt liquor, I won't be suing nobody.
Watch Barrio Booty 5 here
Buy Barrio Booty 5 here
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Latina Hollywood Hookers; Lethal Latinas 2; Sherman on Czech chicks, Lorena Sanchez
See also: HustlerLabels: hustler, latina, lorena sanchez, new porn daily, rachel solari
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, October 20, 2008--
The Once and Future Leona Dulce
 A service some of the smaller adult talent agencies provide is an e-mail update of who's in town and what she will do to augment your porn production. Thus 19-year-old Leona Dulce ("sweet lioness") is brought to our attention.
Sir Mix-a-Lot would like Dulce, noting that her type of measurements are great on shorter women.
"36/24/36?" the Seattle rapper said in "Baby Got Back," "Only if she's 5'3"."
Well, Dulce is 5'3" and the only measurement given is that she is a 34C. But I'm here to tell you that red beans and rice didn't miss her.
In addition to being a member of the Clean Plate Club, Ms. Dulce is available to "Swallow, Solo, Group, Interracial, Creampie, BJ, B/G/G, B/G, B/B/G, Anal." If you need a description of what those initials stand for, send me five dollars.
(It is redundant to note that Ms. Dulce does "Interracial" in that the race barrier in porn is only meaningful in terms of where it is in relation to Caucasian women. I am not aware of a "performer of color" who, on her agent's advice, said that she wouldn't do a scene with Whitey. Regardless, I'm just happy Leona Dulce is around.)
I received notice Dulce was in town today, but the e-mail helpfully said that she has been available since the 14th and will be through the 30th. We missed nearly a week of this 19-year-old's life. Will we ever get it back?
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Karen Duhe's intelligent design
See also: Foxxx ModelingLabels: agency, foxxx modeling, latina, new talent, zaftig
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, May 20, 2008--
JM partners with International MILF Registry to release Mother of the Year
 There is so much wrong with the world that even I, America's Beloved Porn Journalist, am often guilty of filling these virtual pages with the reflected sadness of western civilization.
 But I am happy to report that JM ("Don't Call Us Obscene") Productions has heard my demands for MILF movies with actual MILFs in them and has responded with a new series, Mother of the Year.
Read the review here.
Previously: Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry; Easter MILFs and the fertile crescent
See also: JM ProductionsLabels: alanna ackerman, holly west, jim powers, latina, MILF
posted by Gram the Man
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