Porn Valley Observed: Home of Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist

--Thursday, October 25, 2007--

"What has it got in its pocketses?"

The last time I went to San Francisco I asked Tchukon Hunter, manager/co-owner of Mr. S Leather, "What's with the gays?"

In particular, I was referring to the complex series of colored handkerchiefs they wore in their back pockets to signal their preferences to others of their kind, in much the same way I will put on my right or left directional to indicate which way I want to go on the 118.

In the case of the gays, substitute "118" for "the ass".

Read more after the gap.

I apologize for sounding anthropological (and some consider a lack of comprehensive knowledge of hanky codes homophobic), but I was unaware of all the permutations.

Hunter handed me the following helpful guide:

And don't try to interpret the "Born in the U.S.A." cover.

Previously: Counting floggers on the wall
See also: Mr. S Leather

Labels: BDSM, gay, geekery, instruction, san francisco

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, October 25, 2007 | 1 Comments Links to this post

Nina and Kylie's Perfect Orgy: your mileage may vary

In the same way that the characters in "Friends" couldn't possibly have afforded the Manhattan apartments they lived in, when Nina Hartley and Kylie Ireland lay down tips for the perfect orgy in Hartley's latest Adam & Eve instructional video, the viewer should understand that Lorelei Lee, Adrianna Nicole, and Annette Schwarz aren't going to show up.

For example, we had an orgy up to Gram Ponante Towers, Salmon Hatchery, Helipad, Clambake, International Space Station, and Offshore Drilling Platform the other night and these are the people who attended:

Some Cockney fishwives
A guy named Armo
Ready-for-anything ladies from the burn unit
Star World Modeling
Dragon Talent
Your mom
The St. Petersburg cast of "Rent"
The support team for Windows NT 3.51
Mr. Belding
Lord Master Damien

So, you know, just manage your expectations.

And if you replace Annette Schwarz' face with that of that game barrista from the La Canada Starbucks your orgy will be OK.

I asked the fantastic Kylie Ireland if she really throws orgies like the one in the video. The answer is No, her orgies are better.

"Nina and I basically just shared our experiences from our lives while making this 'Guide'," she said. "We have both put together orgies in our personal lives and have learned what works and doesn't and we share this knowledge along with some great real-life stories."

Someone like Kylie doesn't have an Armo story.

Previously: Nothin' but a Gangsta Orgy; Nina Hartley's Guide to Female Ejaculation; Bryn Pryor and Kylie Ireland: Dressing for Success; O: The Power of Submission
See also: Adam & Eve

Labels: "adam and eve", adrianna nicole, annette schwarz, instruction, kylie ireland, lorelei lee, nina hartley, orgy

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, October 25, 2007 | 1 Comments Links to this post

--Monday, October 01, 2007--

Gödel, Escher, Jack Lawrence

Kickass Pictures has started posting PG-13 behind the scenes content to YouTube, and here Jack Lawrence explains to Summer exactly what he will do to make her squirt. What is fascinating is that conversations like this one are most often shouted from girders at construction sites rather than stated calmly, from a couch. And they never incorporate realities like the Bernoulli Effect, surface tension, and walnuts. America isn't falling behind other industrialized nations in Science; it's just seeking out more practical applications.