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--Wednesday, September 24, 2008--

Keeping a porn marriage together, first in a series

Here's Audrey Hollander and Otto Bauer on the set of Hustler's upcoming "I Love Lucy" adaptation Everybody Loves Lucy, which wrapped filming today.

"The part was written for me," Hollander pointed out.

" - and I had the luck of being married to her already," Bauer said. "So I got to be Desi."

In the history of casting porn movies, I don't think there has been a smarter choice, save for when Gianna Michaels was cast in a movie that had the word "boobies" in the title.

(Hollander mentioned that I had once posed she and Bauer as "Ricky and Lucy" at the AVN Expo. I had forgotten this, and only bring it up now because I want to store all my high school stuff and winter clothes in Hustler's storage chambers miles below Wilshire Blvd.)

I asked what was their secret for a lasting union. Especially one in which the female partner constantly runs the risk of slipping and spraining something in others' drool.

"Staying in a relationship with Audrey is just an exercise in trying not to fuck up," Bauer said. "Also, we keep her ass stretched out at home."

I will remember this in my duties as an ordained minister.






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Previously: AVN wrapup 2008; Audrey Hollander cares enough to replace the roll; Squirting or Urinating: You Be the Judge!
See also: Hustler

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--Friday, July 18, 2008--

Gianna admits assault

Phat Ass Tits 5 is an example of how, in porn, the word for one body part can be used as the adjective that modifies another. But it's a colloquial thing that requires knowledge of the language one is manipulating. One would never say "She has a big tit ass," for example.

Anyway, director Anton Slayer asks Gianna what was the weirdest thing she had ever done with her 36DD natural breasts. Before she goes into porn star mode and says, "I like sliding a cock between them," she says, "I've knocked a couple of fucking guys in the head with them."

I bet they have yet to recover. Still, what a way to go.

Previously: Today's kung-fu grip
See also: Metro

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--Thursday, January 10, 2008--

Today's fung-fu grip (tie)

Gianna and Nikita Denise shared today's Strongest Handshake award at a quiet ceremony that didn't involve manual stimulation of anything with fewer than five digits (Sadly, my awards don't require that).

Both deliver crushing, vigorous handshakes.


"I hate the little fishy hands," said Denise, who recently returned from retirement and was walking the floor, mightily grasping people.

"I'm pretty strong," Gianna noted.

Previously: Jack's POV 9; Nikita's horosho show

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