Porn Valley Observed: Home of Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist

What with our recent discussion about linguists, it seems fitting that we revisit the MILF and address how we should collectively refer to her kind.

MILF is an acronym for Mom I'd Like to Fuck, and in porn we have seen that that term has been badly abused, as oftentimes a woman billed as a MILF is neither a mom nor a woman I, Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist, would like to fuck.

MILF has come to be used to denote any sexually aggressive older woman, despite the fact that the word "cougar" already fits that definition.

But today we're not here to talk about whether or not a woman is a MILF, but how we should refer to a group of them.

"MILF" is an acronym, meaning a word that can be pronounced from the initials of other words. Many people erroneously believe that an acronym is just a series of initials, but you have to be able to pronounce the series like a word. So LOL is an acronym where BRB and WTF are not. NASA is an acronym, as are OPEC, WASP, and scuba. In fact, for words like scuba (self-contained underwater breathing apparatus), many of us have long-ago forgotten that the word is an acronym at all.

At this point I'll agree that it's really important this article contains nudity.

So if MILF is an acronym and therefore a word, is its plural MILFs or Milves? In a sentence, would you say, "I would like to shoot a ropey volley across that desperate group of MILFs" or "milves"?

I think the plural should be milves because it is reminiscent of wolves and turves, as in "I would love to roll those milves in the turves where my buddies and I play golves."

That being said, Tyann Mason and Friday are excellent in Hustler's Revenge of the MILFs. At first I was worried that revenge - as good a reason for having sex as any - would not actually be a part of the movie. But each of the milves has vengeance on her mind in this movie, even to the point of Mason seducing a Mormon missionary.

Revenge of the MILFs

Previously: Alternate dialogue for a MILF movie; Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry
See also: Hustler

Labels: cougar, friday, MILF, new porn daily, sic, tyann mason

I get e-mails from a company called Adult Talent Managers declaring the availability (and for what services) of their clients for adult films. Today, even though it's Monday, the company announced the achedule of a woman named Friday, who will be in town in August, all 4'11" of her.

Friday does all the standard things, like blowjobs, girl/boy scenes, interracial scenes, etc., but she does it while taking up less vertical space. I feel the same way about Aiden Starr, another efficiency model porn performer whose motto should be "Better Highway."

But one can't look at the French Friday without invoking the name of the Intelligent Designer. That is why I have trademarked the ejaculation "Thank God It's Friday" to differentiate her from, say, Kiki D'aire, whose fans greet her with "Oh Jesus Christ."

I think "Thank God It's Friday" is an interesting way to remember both the performer and the actual day of the week, which is why I coined this slogan. I imagine that, long after the performer Friday has retired from her adult career, people might still say "Thank God it's Friday" when arriving to work on Friday morning, and maybe will even greet friends at their local chain watering hole at the end of a tough week with that statement.

Thus will something I invented for a woman who gives blowjobs for money pass into common English usage. That will be my legacy, my friends.

The initials of Adult Talent Managers, like those of Digital Playground, are shorthand for a specialized service often found in porn movies and in the wild. I think a good marketing ploy for both companies would be to offer their "initial" service across their product line, so every scene with Stoya will be a DP and every scene with Friday involves ATM.

Adult Talent Managers is, by the way, the only agency with the marketing savvy to submit its arrivals for this fantastic advertising service I provide, even though this site is read by dozens of people worldwide.

Previously: Sizzling ATM scene with Jenny Hendrix; Godel, Escher, Bree Barrett; Stoya finds cigarettes, pierogies in Philadelphia
See also: Adult Talent Managers

Labels: aiden starr, atm, Digital Playground, friday, kiki d'aire, new talent, stoya