I'm not autistic or anything, but I really expected a movie with the title Mexicunts to have a picture of a vagina on the box.

"But Grams, the vagina is implied," you might say.

Well yes, I know that Implied Vaginas are catching on, but I think that if you name a movie Mexicunts it's not subtlety you're looking for.

One is left to assume that Mayhem cheated its audience by keeping the cover cunt-free, or that director Jim Powers is actually using the cover to tell us something about Daisy Marie, but I find that hard to believe.

I also dislike the word "cunt." I guess I need to accept it, though, in this line of work.

Cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt.

Nope, it still makes me feel bad. The only acceptable use of the word "cunt" is as an adjectival root, like in this scene from The Exorcist.

View the Mexicunts 6 trailer here.

Previously: Pull my Daisy
See also: Mayhem

Labels: daisy marie, dvd, geekery, jim powers, latin, mayhem

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, February 05, 2008 | 1 Comments Links to this post

You will win nothing but my respect. I also have an old PS2 that I can't seem to get rid of.

Previously: Pussy Party 21 caption contest

Labels: contest, dvd, steven st croix

posted by Gram the Man at Saturday, December 29, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Night Shift Nurses is the longest running hentai series in Japan. "Experiment 1" involves a man who wakes in a research hospital attended by a submissive nurse who will do anything to make him take his medicine. Anything.

While there is humiliation in American porn, no one can do shame like the Japanese, whose pornography requires mutual guilt. When Nurse Yugami discovers her charge with a morning erection, she pleads his forgiveness. Tormented, he demands she show herself to him.

"Now will you forgive me?" she weeps. Then he has a dream with her and the pig statue. It was like the guy who designed Roxy Music's album covers picked up a Pink Floyd gig.



Previously: Japanese boob size and the economy; Asian and Hot: not only but also; Lystra is cage candy; Not to be confused with
See also: Adult Source Media

Labels: asian, dvd, hentai, pop

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, November 26, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

My first day as managing editor of AVN.com was five years ago this week. Naturally I felt a little odd that I would be writing about other 18-year-olds and their experiences in the porn business. Since I was the same age, would I have the proper perspective? Is this a business that preys on the young?

Now quatrogenarian pornographer Brandon Iron gives voice to that concern with She Is Half My Age, starring the piebald Las Vegan Faye Valentine. I asked Iron to describe the feeling that washed over him when he realized that, when he reached his own draft age in 1983, the stars of his movie were not yet born. I was expecting words like "horrified", "contrite", and "Don't stand so close to me '86".

"Jubilation," he said.

The movie has several variations on the theme of "You make me feel creepy and old, but there is something in you that seeks out this kind of attention, conceived as you were in the backward time that allowed Mr. Mister to become famous" and is often as charming as it is uncomfortably on the nose, as if the only more descriptive title would be "This Wouldn't Happen if She Weren't Being Paid for It, And Even Then a few People Backed Out".


Iron plans to release several editions of this future series, at least until he turns 48 and he needs to change the title.



Previously: Faye Valentine, mesmerist; What you need's a damn good whacking; Mason's Sluts; Baker's Dozen 5 , That famous book by Nabokov
See also: JM Productions

Labels: brandon iron, dvd, faye valentine

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, November 20, 2007 | 3 Comments Links to this post

I had a Catholic girlfriend from Ireland who, whenever she would see a British woman, would spit: "British slags wear their mattresses on their backs." I told this to a woman I dated from London and she said, "The Irish are the whores of Europe."

Whichever is true (perhaps they are both true!!), I enjoyed watching Gazzman's collection of ten scenes, each in a language I'm only partially familiar with. "Fook mah pusseh," commands Best at one point. It sounded suggestive, but what did it mean?



Previously: Postcard from Porn Week; I still haven't found what I'm looking for; Sabrina Deep: Gang Bang across the water
See also: Harmony Films

Labels: "vena virago" wgl, british, dvd, gazzman, new porn daily

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, October 11, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Because it contains no impurities and because I only have sex in wind tunnels, my semen is as white as the Virgin Mary's veneers. Because of this, it often disappears on the alabaster skin of the vampire girls I pick up at the 240 Metro route bus stop outside CSUN.

Lexington Steele has addressed this monochromatic conundrum by releasing Semen Shooters I, a black-on-black cumshot collection, containing 47 performers and 52 scenes.

Because ejaculate is a viscous white or yellow, and because all Semen Shooters' performers are black, it was easy to account for the sperm at the end of the day.

"I was in 80 percent of the scenes," Steele did not say, "but I know where 100 percent of my ropy volleys alighted."

I am assuming that each scene is longer than the ten-second pop shot, so viewers can expect to see why the likes of Angel Eyes, Carmen Hayes, Vanessa Blue, Shi Reeves,Jenna Brooks, Jemini, Naomi Banxxx, Roxy Reynolds, Havana Ginger, Jada Fire, Desiree, Tina Price, Tia, Olivia Winters, Courtney Divine, Ariel Alexis, Capri Styles, Ashley, Samaya, Lena, Mahlia, and Persuajon deserved it.



Previously: Kala Prettyman does not need airbrushing; At home with Lexington Steele
See also: Mercenary Pictures

Labels: dvd, lexington steele, race movies

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, August 23, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I don't know which river River Rats refers to, but this boxcover is compelling for several reasons, not the least of which involves this woman's right breast.

Find out why after the gap.


1. According to the back cover, this movie was shot in June. What kind of low-rent educational facility has its spring break in June? (Smart money's on Brandeis.)

2. This 18th installment promises "more college gals". I don't know about you, but I don't think anyone under 45 uses the term "gals". Therefore I look forward to seeing the kind of pornography made by someone who thinks of women as gals. It has to be better than porn made by someone who calls women "whores", right? Right?

3. Ditto the "drink booze parties". What the hell does that mean? As decreed by the Bible, every party following the establishment of the State of Israel has to have booze drinking. There must be something really special about these drink booze parties if the producers see fit to mention them.

4. Finally, the fact that this woman's right breast is squished against her thigh indicates that there must be plenty of boobs in this movie, else one wouldn't be so flagrantly wasted on the cover.

Previously: Consumers demand more drink booze parties
See also: Flashpoint Productions

Labels: breasts, deep reading, dvd, flashpoint

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, August 22, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I feel that transsexuals are ageless, that they have walked the earth for millennia and, like energy, are unable to be created or destroyed.

That's why Just Turned 18 And Transsexual poses a dilemma: isn't the process of transsexualizing someone a much longer journey that would require the newborn tranny to be a lot older than 18?

Or are we to assume that -horrors- the soon to be legal trannies were thinking about gender orientation before legal age?

The idea of sexuality before 18 is shocking, and I and other Porn world First Amendment Patriots refuse to believe it.



Previously: New Porn Daily: Transsexual MILFs; Kala Prettyman does not need airbrushing
See also: Juicy Entertainment

Labels: dvd, juicy entertainment, new porn daily, transsexual

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, August 10, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

As you are aware, I am an expert on the elements of design. That is why I applaud Mercenary Pictures' new approach to emphasizing performer names on the boxcover of Tina Tyler's Fresh Out the Box 8.

Whereas less daring studios would underline, italicize, or embolden the names of Claudia Downs and Megan Monroe, Mercenary highlights their names in what appears to be ejaculate.

So won't you smile for the camera?

Previously: Mercedez' Tower of Terror; Vena Virago: Tempted; Memphis Monroe reveals Dark Side of her head
; I know they're gonna love it - Peg
See also: Steely Dan

Labels: "tina tyler", dvd, mercenary, pop, type

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, August 10, 2007 | 1 Comments Links to this post

Nothing pornographic, just Jenna Jameson, circa 1998.

I suppose the only reason Wicked had to release a tenth anniversary edition of Flashpoint a year early was that it just couldn't wait. I forget if there is an AVN award for Best Packaging, but if there is, this four-disc set should get it.

The prestige porn of its time is as good or better than any similarly-scaled contemporary movie. And don't forget that Flashpoint boasts the talents of Jameson, Jill Kelly, and Asia Carrera at their full juiciness. There are other surprises, too.

Read more after the gap.

There's AVN writer Mike Albo as a priest. Looking very Michael Chiklis-like in his pre-millennial hairlessness, Albo delivers the Lord's Prayer like the hellhounds are on his trail. The only downside of this movie is that the acting and dialogue are otherwise uniformly porny. I expected more from such a huge budget, but everything else is great.

The only AVN award Flashpoint received when it was released was for Marketing, yet Wicked and online retailer AdultDVDEmpire claim it to be a consistently strong seller for the company, hence the discontinuance of the original and its replacement by the deluxe version.

Read the review here.

See also: Wicked

Labels: asia carrera, avn, dvd, hype, jenna jameson, trademags, wicked

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, August 09, 2007 | 1 Comments Links to this post

I have been pleading with Wicked Pictures to make a porn version of Davey And Goliath but they chose the Old Testament story of Samson and Delilah instead.

jessica drake plays an unhinged and lowdown hairdresser whose fatal attraction to Samson (Herschel Savage), results in blue-tinted condom sex and cross-Testament plot points in Michael Raven's Delilah.

A reading from the review, here.

Previously: 2007 AVN wrap-up; Wicked good hors d'ouevres
See also: Wicked Pictures, Davey And Goliath

Labels: dvd, herschel savage, jessica drake, reviews, wicked

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, July 27, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

As you know, I am a tremendously sexual person. Sometimes I'm not even allowed to board planes. So it is not in my chemical makeup, in general, to question what in a lady a man or another woman might find attractive. Feet? The Ass? Legs? Her brain? Nothing is off limits in my pan-sexual worldview.

But why this dude to the left is staring so intently at Amber Rayne's shoulder in Amber Rayne Is A White Trash Whore, when there are at least two other parts of her available, puzzled me.

That was until my friend the spirit photographer sent over this amplified image from the spectro-lab here at Gram Ponante Towers.

Join me on the other side of the terrestrial portal for the shocking photograph.

Bounty hunter Duane "Dog" Chapman appears in spirit form above Amber Rayne's right shoulder in an image now on loan to Canoga Park's Museum of Spectral Photography.

Why Chapman, who is still alive and the subject of his own A&E Network reality show, is hovering benevolently over Rayne is anyone's guess.

A reader writes:

You continue to ignore the fact that minorities are more in touch with the spirit world.

If, when you say "ignore", you mean "embrace", then Yes, I do ignore that fact.

I only present facts. Sexual facts. And I cannot comment on the spirit realm, because it owes me money.

Previously: Send It Down; Strapped by a ghost; Ghouls Gone Wild; What, no tentacles?
See also: Spectral Photography, JM Productions

Labels: amber rayne, dvd, JM, race movies

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, July 24, 2007 | 9 Comments Links to this post

...especially if you add the "7".

Side note: If you spell out the initials, the word you get is "Ilibadima 7". That either sounds like De'Bella's mom or someone left out of "Purple Rain".



Previously: "This nipple's not going to lick itself"; I Love Black Dick 3; Pull My Daisy
See also: Metro Interactive

Labels: dvd, new porn daily, race movies, sativa rose

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, July 20, 2007 | 1 Comments Links to this post

There are those who feel that race and class-based porn is wrongheaded, but I am sure that they, like me, will be reassured now that the Latin mass is coming back.

Why? Because ghettos, as we know from constant and repeated porn viewing, are hotbeds of primal lust and therefore of Latin scholarship.

All those results of that crazed ghetto rutting have to be baptized somewhere, don't they?

Beauty Dior's eyes seem to be saying, "This tastes like a novena."



Previously: Working up the enthusiasm with Gabriela Banks; The Black Toilet of Lust; In a white room with meat curtains
See also: Hustler

Labels: dvd, hustler, jesus, new porn daily, race movies

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, July 16, 2007 | 2 Comments Links to this post

This picture of Lana Croft in Red Light District's Obscene Behavior 2 reminds me of the scene in Shirley Jackson's "The Haunting of Hill House" in which (lesbians) Eleanor and (come on, they're so lesbians) Theodora clutch each other in a dark room against some unseen creepy thing outside, only to realize when the lights come on that they were across the room from each other.

"Good God - whose hand was I holding?"

Here is the first paragraph of "The Haunting of Hill House":

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.

I'm sure that whatever walks in Obscene Behavior 2, walks erect.

Previously: I Love Black Dick 3; Strapped by a Ghost; "She never sleeps."
See also: Red Light District, Buy "The Haunting of Hill House"

Labels: "red light district", asian, dvd, geekery, new porn daily, the horror

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, July 09, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

...but who are we kidding? If there's never going to be an effective universal healthcare program, we might as well have sexy nurse's outfits and nipple clamps.

Read the review of Medical Pain Sluts here.

Previously: Products for your down under from down under; Viv Thomas' Pink Velvet Trilogy; Mission Accomplished; Getting the most out of your slave
See also: Bondage Orgasms

Labels: BDSM, dvd, fetish, harmony, katja kassin, natali demore, reviews

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, July 03, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

"Appalachian Spring" isn't playing in the background, no one frolics in the hay, nothing is raised from the earth, shipped to market, or sold at a quaint stand by the highway. No spiders befriend pigs, no animals reveal themselves to be more equal than others, no crystal is unearthed below the barn floor to guide young Clark to his arctic fortress. The U.S. government does not pay anyone to not grow corn, Willie Nelson doesn't stop by to lament its decline, and there are definitely no Joads.

If just one person in Seymore Butts' Ass Farmer sported a pitchfork, it would have justified the title.

Luckily, there is plenty of ass in it. And Havana Ginger's nipples are bigger than a country ham.

Read the review here.

Previously: This house is a party bus; Possa engooped; Tull, Mari Possa rule
See also: Pureplay

Labels: dvd, reviews, seymore butts

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, July 03, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

In Slutinas #4, director Juan Cuba confirms the party location with Renae Cruz.

"Is the fiesta in that ass?" he asks.

"Si," she says, and then adds, "and in my mouth."

Because today's porn consumer demands authenticity, it's important that in a title named Slutinas that the performers not only speak Spanish but also wear sombreros.



Previously: Patrick, Thorn seek to be freakin' with Ricans; Loca Latina Sluts 2
See also: Platinum X Pictures

Labels: dvd, latin, new porn daily, platinum x

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, June 25, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Todd Todd is a photographer who pretty much knows everybody in the adult business. When I was new to AVN in 2003, he took me around the convention floor and introduced me to every performer in the building, including these ladies.

Photographers need to keep the action moving so their subjects don't get bored or self-conscious, so it is interesting listening to the diminutive and white Todd Todd chatting amiably with O.G. Mudbone, possessor of a 14" cock and a mouth full of silver (which I guess the former can almost reach); Todd Todd's patter becomes blacker by the minute as Mudbone cruises a Valley neighborhood looking for Riley Shy in Pariah Pictures' Freaks of Cock 2.

None of the tiny white women exposed to these Gram-hammers-gone-dark is herself a freak, so I guess the title must refer to the cocks themselves, only slightly smaller than mine, which is the size of a bus you'd drive senior citizens to the casino in.

But where I usually get tired of Chatty Cathy gonzo directors, it is fun listening to the interaction between T2 and his male talent. Upon walking into Shy's yard, Mudbone looks at a tree and says, "That tree looks like it has asses all over it."

After this, things go from pleasant to surreal. Not only is Riley Shy astounded by the size of this guy, America itself is astounded at the amount of the nut Mudbone busts on her face. I hope that didn't sound crude; there is really no other way to describe it. It would require an extra seat on an airplane.

Prior to it happening, Shy says with porn-standard bravado: "Oh yeah? You gonna mess up my pretty face?" and then, during the 30 seconds of unloading, she says, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

It is at times like this that I think I've watched something real. Riley Shy really made her money that day.



Previously: Porn of the Moment: "Cuckold" (fleshbot)
See also: FuckYouCash

Labels: dvd, riley shy, the horror

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, June 22, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

While Shy Love does not set pen to paper or address the camera in Sinsation's Memoirs of a Madame, thus making the title misleading, the movie does reveal little-known truths about upscale escort services previously possessed only by viewers of late-night Skinemax:

1. Bordellos comprise a rigid hierarchy presided over by an icy and absolute ruler, so possessed of sexual self-confidence that her attendants stand at attention, slack-jawed, around her.

2. It is every street hooker's dream to manage a brothel for someone else.

3. No one has a conversation in the breakroom, like every other corporate environment in America; the business gets done in sparse offices and well-lit bedrooms.

This movie made me think, if these are hookers, who were all those people in Mexico? Shudder.

Read the review here.

Previously: San Francisco celebrates hookers as "least deviant by comparison"; So much more convenient than doing rails off hookers; It's not 'sex work' when you're just lying there
See also: Sinsation Pictures

Labels: dvd, prosties, reviews, shy love, sinsation

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, June 21, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

You remember in This Is Spinal Tap when Nigel Tufnel played several bars of a moving piano ballad in "the saddest of all keys" and then announced that the song was called "Lick My Love Pump"?

You will agree that this picture is lovely, gauzy as it is and off-center. The title, which I've obscured, was etched in a thin, elfin, cursive font.

Kina Kai and Jasmine aren't looking at us like cynical porn chicks but as wholesome and innocent natives, perplexed but not put out that we have stumbled upon them.

You'd expect that the title of the movie would reflect the presentation, but you would be wrong.

This movie is called Island Pussy Lickers.



Previously: Seriously, Caylian Curtis: don't do that if it hurts you; Mature 20, Ancient shark zero;
See also: Pure Play Media

Labels: asian, dvd, kina kai, LMLP, new porn daily, pure play

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, June 19, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Each week I put away a few of the movies that are sent to me for mention on this and some of the other sites I write for. When I found Rob Spallone's Chocolate MILF with a woman named Delotta Brown on the cover, well, I knew I had a winner.

The name Delotta Brown hearkened back to the sassy hootchie ladies that populated the blaxploitation films of the early 1970's. I know this because our school district was so poor we could only afford to rent Blackula every three months for assemblies instead of Channel One television.

But then I noticed Suckable. I have a feeling that Suckable turns everyone she meets into Groucho Marx. Observe:

"Hi, I'm Suckable."

"I'll say you are."

Suckable seemed charming. At one point during her scene with Byron Long she said, "Oh I have to return the favor," and he said, "You'd better sit on my dick."

But still I wondered: Why she had decided to call herself Suckable?

Then I saw it, and it was extraordinary.

I thought for a second that she was giving birth and that the child was exiting the way Superman flies.

Her clit looks like a finger.



Previously: My Big Fat Gang Bang: Corpulent Converge on Kat Kleevage; Your week in MILFs
See also: VCA Pictures

Labels: dvd, MILF, race movies

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, June 19, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

In a move that clearly gives the edge to Blu-ray in the format war between it and HD-DVD, Blockbuster Entertainment has sided with the Sony/Phillips product as it begins to sell and rent high-definition discs.

The DVD market, despite a steady downturn over the past five years, is still estimated to net $24 billion annually.

Of porn companies releasing in the next-generation formats, CD Girls is the only to have released in Blu-ray, while Vivid has been promising a Blu-Ray version of Debbie Does Dallas...Again for more than six months (the standard-def version is available). Wicked and Digital Playground have both committed to HD-DVD.

The above paragraph is moot in terms of consumers getting Blu-ray porn at their neighborhood Blockbuster; the company doesn't carry hardcore and is often accused of censoring its softcore titles. Only if Jenna Haze wore an Operation Rescue t-shirt (rather than a CD Girls t-shirt) whilst being hot-oiled might the Viacom property permit it.

None of the major online DVD distributors have a Blu-Ray/HD-DVD section yet. "There aren't enough titles to support the shelf space," a rep for Gamelink said.

Previously: Who-ray came first?; "Porn flatters itself," sniffs Blu-ray; Tabling Blu-ray, embracing HD-DVD (fleshbot); Wicked decides on HD-DVD
See also: CDGirls, Vivid, Blockbuster, Blockbuster - Blu-Ray All the Way (forbes.com)

Labels: blu ray, CDGirls, dvd, jenna haze, technology, vivid

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, June 18, 2007 | 2 Comments Links to this post

I rarely watch porn movies cover to cover but this week I watched three (almost four) of them. I didn't intend for it to be this way, but I'm glad it happened.

Modern Progressive

Wicked's Porn Valley (doubtless seeking the red-hot branding association my site provides) was a well-made, solid, entertaining, and efficient porn movie. It didn't pretend to be anything other than a sex movie with a story, and director Michael Raven delivered a title that both respected and rewarded the audience.

The Good Old Days Weren't Always Good

VCA's Jim Holliday Box Set (of which I struggled through Brown Eyed Blondes and Absolutely Adorable) made me feel awful. I feel like I've committed a sacrilege for not bowing at Holliday's (deceased) feet, because his genius casting of large combinations of bright, bouncy babes who smiled at the camera should have been enough. The adult industry mourns his absence (he died in 2004).

But his movies continually squander that goodwill, as they are not only filled with self-important and masturbatory dialogue but also (and worse) require that the words be uttered by people who for the most part cannot act. While Holliday surely loved his "Angels", he didn't want them to appear smart, or at the very least smarter than him.

If anyone can recommend a Jim Holliday movie that just showcased his talent as Porn Valley's best casting director, or that had a script that was coherent and didn't prove an obstacle to his hand-picked cast, I'd love to see it. I don't like speaking ill of the dead.

The full text of the Jim Holliday Box Set review will be in next month's XBizVideo in my column with Joanne Cachapero.

I've Seen the Future, Brother: It Is Murder

Finally, Pulpo Inc.'s first feature, Black Worm, is an ambitious project that is heavy on the Mexican crime drama with a touch of surrealism. I'm told the movie cost $150k and the production value shows. But the script is too long and the distance between sex scenes is often unforgivable.

I have no doubt these guys will do better next time, because they hit a solid double their first time at bat, with a chance at third.

Previously: Holliday at the Car Wash; Eye Candy redux; The Visitors
See also: Thoughtful Reviews by Gram

Labels: dvd, jim holliday, lorena sanchez, michael raven, pulpo, reviews, wicked

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, June 15, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post