Jenny Hendrix is neither Miley Cyrus nor the ringer bait in this dating site ad.
"thats def not me... LOL," Hendrix told me as we forked pate onto each other's Triscuits at an elegant dinner party.
I assume the woman in the dating ad is a ghost; what the Sioux call Jee'bi . My assumption is based on theory and conjecture, and my purpose is to suggest some possible explanation -- but not necessarily the only one -- to the mysteries I examine.
Ryder Skye and Roxy DeVille menage to redeem Sex And the City movie
When she was a struggling mainstream actress, Ryder Skye said she would be very nervous before auditions.
"I'd completely psyche myself out," she said. "And for this one, I didn't even know why I was there."
Ryder Skye said the casting agent wanted Asian women when she was called to audition for Sex And the City, premiering in L.A. tomorrow. She also wasn't sure there'd be nudity.
"But then I saw all these porn girls there," she said, "so I knew something was up."
Skye and Roxy DeVille (who is credited as "Roxi Devill') are two-thirds of a menage a trois also involving Gilles Marini, who plays Dante, the lust object of Kim Cattrall's whorish Samantha, one of the four leads in the movie.
Extensive exit traffic research for this site reveals that at least five women and one gay man read Porn Valley Observed, thus this feature on a television series and movie very few straight men can explain the appeal of.
"The scene was shot in Malibu in January," Skye said, "on the first day of AVN. Samantha is looking through the window and she sees this guy she likes having a threesome."
"So a location in Los Angeles stood in for a location in New York?" I asked. "Impossible."
"No," Skye said. "In the story Samantha comes out here for some reason."
SPOILER ALERT.
Damn it. I should have put "SPOILER ALERT" before that riveting factoid. Now I'll never get a job at Entertainment Weekly.
"Did you meet Kim Cattrall?"
"No," Skye said. "It was one of the last scenes shot for the movie. Everybody else had pretty much gone home. She looks through her window and there we are, but we were never in the same room. They'd cut that in later."
Wow. I said. Hollywood is a dream factory.
Skye is a wholesome-looking porn star, as opposed to the many talented and friendly women in the adult industry who could never be mistaken for anything but a porn star.
"But the chatboards go on and on about how women in porn only play hookers and strippers on film," she said.
Yes. Typecasting is wrong. It was always my desire to star in an all-Thai version of "The Odd Couple," but I am neither Thai nor an actor. The world keeps grinding people down.
"I don't know if the crew knew what to make of [herself and DeVille]," Skye said. "They asked if we wanted the set cleared for our nude scene, and we just took off our robes and got down to it. It took about an hour."
"Did your costar react in any physical way to you and Roxy flouncing around the set?"
"If he did," Skye said, "I didn't notice. I think he was a little nervous. But he was really grateful to us afterward. He thanked us for being so cool."
Skye saw Marini at the gym last week.
"He walked by and I couldn't place him. I thought, 'Have I fucked him?' Then I remembered. He was on his way to the New York premiere that day."
Skye had to buy her ticket, but she will be seeing herself on the big screen tomorrow at the Arclight in Hollywood.
Skye, who will be credited in the movie as Aricka Evans, struggled to get her Screen Actors Guild card as a mainstream model and actress before this opportunity came up.
"I try for years to get my SAG card and then I get it through being in porn," she said.
While Gary Glitter did not forward this picture to me, and while I support creative expression as fundamental to maintaining our First Amendment Freedoms and for getting chicks (since cologne won't adhere to my skin, I need to resort to Creative Expression), I am a little weirded out by the fact that a Michigan model has chosen to parody an underage celebrity's name with her nom de porn choice.
Rylie Cyris does not look any more or less like Hannah Montana than did Jessica Sweet or Hillary Scott look like Britney Rears, which just goes to show that there are other things at work in porn marketing than accuracy, but I do think that Ms. Cyris, 20, is the first person to choose a porn name based on the name of a minor.
Isabella Rosselini has made an instructive pornographic film about the insect world for the Sundance Channel called Green Porno, in which the whimsically batty and charming Blue Velvet and Fearless actress, former Lancome spokesmodel, and daughter of Ingrid Bergman shows you how bees do it (and other bugs, like the Praying Mantis).
At no point does she say "Hit me, Jeffrey," (but she should).
Report: Purchases of "Gene Simmons" sex tape limited to people who already find Gene Simmons repugnant
The triumph of the "Gene Simmons" sex tape is that, even though the dude in the video doesn't really look like the Kiss buffoon, people believe that Simmons would be delusional enough to release such an unflattering movie, so it might be him after all.
See how it works? Simmons is meta all the way to the bank.
I think of Peter Criss' "Beth":
Beth, I hear you calling But I can't come home right now (You see) Me and the boys are playing And we just can't find the sound (not surprising, considering it's Kiss) Just a few more hours And I'll be right home to you I think I hear them calling - Beth, what can I do?
It is tragic that the only useful member of that band was also incapable of having the balls to stay home with poor, long-suffering Beth. That he "thought" he heard the boys calling and then was spineless enough to ask for her advice only cements my opinion that proximity to Gene Simmons makes everyone abhorrent.
Everyone with a website has written about the purported Gene Simmons sex tape (AVN got it first) but no one has said it was good. The man's partner refuses to kiss him - three times - and both look off to the left side of the bed, perhaps to see themselves in the monitor.
The radio plays power ballads by Foreigner and Steve Perry. Yes, you should've been gone.
But whether Simmons is good at what he does or not has never been the point. Meta celebrity means never having to be good at something.
So it seems that the only people forking over the 30 bucks to the Panama-based site hosting the tryst (allegedly) between Simmons and an Austrian (not Australian) sports drink spokesmodel are pundits, because nobody actually likes the movie, which is like the sexual equivalent of the Daniel Pearl video.
Then we get to wonder if the man in the video is actually Simmons, and with each speculation, somewhere money is accruing interest in someone's offshore bank account. Here is a Terry Gross interview with Simmons, in which the latter just sounds like an ass.
Listening to this broadcast reminds me of people in porn who, like Simmons, chuckle at their own well-rehearsed soundbites while their interviewers throw up a little in their mouths.
It's such a train wreck that Yes, that might actually be Gene Simmons with that poor girl. Either that or a posthumous Wayne Newton.
(ADDENDUM: I contacted Jon Stevens, whose e-mail was provided as the administrative contact of the domain genessecret.com- thought the registrar was listed as Roberrto Rodriguez. Mr. Sevens said:
The man is gene simmons, the girl is one of Franks Energy drink's girls, believed to be Elsa.
we believe gene has given permission to broadcast.) -emphasis added-
Marilyn Monroe photographer Bert Stern has re-created Monroe's final famous photoshoot with Lindsay Lohan. Why?
The semi-nude series was released in New York Magazine 46 years after its inspiration, now known as "The Last Sitting," appeared.
In 1962, a vulnerable, playful, and perhaps drunk Monroe posed for a series of photographs at the Hotel Bel-Air. She was dead six weeks later.
Now Lohan, whose own accomplishments have similarly been eclipsed by her celebrity - but orders of magnitude less - has stepped in for a sequel.
Despite her brilliant and iconic turns in "Freaky Friday" and "Herbie: Fully Loaded," Lohan is not Marilyn Monroe: she's not married to playwrights and sleeping with Presidents. Instead, she's driving drunk over paparazzi. Would Elton John ever write a song about her? No he would not.
Lohan doesn't even approach Monroe on a tragic scale, save for the fact that the 20-something Lohan looks older than Monroe, then 36, did. Mightn't Stern have chosen Britney Spears or Madonna instead? How about Nikki Nine? Now that's some tragedy.
Stern shot the session on film, rather than digitally, and re-created each shot down to the lighting.
Montreal's own Pamela Peaks, left, alighted on Hollywood's Knitting Factory for a party in her honor Saturday. Basking in Peaks' reflected glow are producer Reggie Durango, starlet Alexis Arquette, and Spunk'd director Justin Kane.
I don't know who took this picture. I'd bet that it was Our Lord Jesus Christ. All I know is that it represents everything Hollywood means to me. Only this picture is better.
Law would make jailbird photos off limits to enquiring minds
L.A. County Sheriff Lee Baca is supporting a State bill that would criminalize public employees' profiting from the dissemination of material related to arrests, such as jailhouse photos of Paris Hilton.
Fearing the proliferation of "checkbook journalism", House Bill AB 920, written by Democratic Assemblywoman Julia Brownley of Santa Monica, would "make it a misdemeanor for those entrusted with such material to receive financial gain in exchange for confidential information obtained in a criminal investigation, or to solicit or offer financial compensation for such information."
Opponents say the bill would erode press freedoms for the benefit of celebrities like Mel Gibson, whose anti-Semitic remarks to an arresting deputy were provided to gossip blog TMZ.com.
Read the full story after the gap.
Celeb does the time, leaking photo may be a crime By Patrick McGreevy, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer August 16, 2007
SACRAMENTO -- Amid concern over the frenzy of entertainment blogs and tabloids competing for inside information on Paris Hilton's days in jail and Mel Gibson's tirade during a drunk-driving arrest, state lawmakers have taken steps to clamp down on some forms of checkbook journalism.
A bill wending its way through the Legislature would make it a crime for law enforcement or court employees to profit by releasing confidential information gathered in criminal investigations or unauthorized photographs of people in custody.
Los Angeles County Sheriff Lee Baca, who requested the legislation, said it was needed to preserve the integrity of the justice system in an age when media experts said a photo of a jailed Paris Hilton could fetch up to $500,000.
"It was like putting a bounty on her," Baca said in an interview.
Opponents say the measure would whittle away press freedoms for the convenience of celebrities.
"It's the Paris Hilton and Mel Gibson Protection Act," said Tom Newton, general counsel for the California Newspaper Publishers Assn. "Fundamentally, it attempts to regulate news gathering and criminalize it."
Hilton, who was sentenced after violating terms of her probation on alcohol-related charges of reckless driving, spent 23 days in Lynwood's Century Regional Detention Facility with a media horde waiting outside for any information on her incarceration. No photographs have been published of Hilton in her cell.
An ongoing investigation into the leaking of police documents in the Mel Gibson case has not found evidence that information was released to the entertainment blog TMZ.com for financial gain. TMZ published parts of a deputy's account of actor-director Mel Gibson spouting anti-Semitic remarks as he was being arrested in Malibu.
Still, Baca and Assemblywoman Julia Brownley (D-Santa Monica), author of AB 920, said there have been other allegations of law enforcement officials providing prohibited information for cash. The bill would apply to information provided to any unauthorized person, not only journalists.
Recently the indictment of Hollywood private eye Anthony Pellicano on charges including illegal wiretapping involved allegations that he paid members of law enforcement agencies for confidential information while doing background checks in cases involving celebrities, including comedians Garry Shandling and Kevin Nealon.
In a statement to the Assembly, Brownley said the "so-called traditional media [have] obtained information and pictures through official channels and via the Public Records Act. The new Internet media and others have recently been attempting to circumvent the system by offering law enforcement officials money for information and pictures of celebrities."
The bill would make it a misdemeanor for those entrusted with such material to receive financial gain in exchange for confidential information obtained in a criminal investigation, or to solicit or offer financial compensation for such information. The ban would include "any unauthorized photograph or video taken inside any secure area of a law enforcement or court facility."
Brownley said she introduced the bill at Baca's request.
"I felt it was important to help law enforcement to maintain the integrity of the criminal justice system," she said.
Baca's office is investigating the leak of Gibson's police report to TMZ.com after the star's arrest in July 2006. "When we arrested Mel Gibson we lost control of the information and it ended up on a blog," Baca said. "The question is whether that was done for profit or gratuitously."
In another incident, an LAPD investigation determined last month that one of the agency's officers used a cell phone to shoot video of the rapper known as The Game as he was held in a jail cell after being arrested. The video, provided to TMZ.com, showed the entertainer bragging and waving a wad of money.
TMZ posted the video May 12, the day after the Los Angeles Police Department arrested the rapper at his Glendale home on suspicion of making criminal threats during a pickup basketball game in South Los Angeles.
Investigators said the unidentified officer insisted that he provided the video to TMZ for fun, and they have not found any evidence that the officer was compensated.
Brownley's bill passed the Assembly in May and has cleared one Senate committee. The governor has not taken a public position on the measure, but Newton predicted that if the bill becomes law, it probably will be struck down by the courts.
A similar law enacted after football star O.J. Simpson was found not guilty of murdering his ex-wife, Nicole, and Ron Goldman in 1994 was overturned the following year. The Legislature had sought to limit the ability of jurors and witnesses to sell their stories to the media.
Brownley's bill is also opposed by the California First Amendment Coalition. The group does not condone payment for information from public officials, Executive Director Peter Scheer said. But it objected to the bill's initial ban on the exchange of information for "consideration" or "compensation."
The group feared that promises to protect a public official's anonymity, or even lunch or a cup of coffee bought for such an official, could be judged consideration.
Brownley struck "consideration" and "compensation" from the bill, substituting "financial gain." And she took pains to assure journalists that the bill would not prohibit a newspaper or blog from publishing information obtained improperly.
Scheer said he would review the changes before determining whether the coalition would drop its opposition.
Brownley said the bill would not quash acts protected by state whistle-blower laws, including the release of information that show improper activity by government agencies or officials.
In one such case, some deputy sheriffs complained after Hilton's release that she received special treatment in jail, including a new jail uniform rather than a used one, mail hand-delivered by department brass and free access to a cell phone while other prisoners had to wait in line to use pay phones during set hours.
Baca said he was concerned about confidential information being sold even if it was not about celebrities.
"We in law enforcement have a tremendous amount of information," and providing it to anyone "for profit is wrong," Baca said.
The composer Eddie Van Halen, who threw the best party I have ever attended as America's Beloved Porn Journalist, has checked into rehab for alcoholism.
After that party, it was either him or me who needed to dry out.
Porn site TMZ.com reported this story of the former Jennifer James Films financier, who will be unable to attend Van Halen's induction into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame due to his treatment.
Van Halen also was not on hand in Las Vegas this year to collect an AVN trophy for his work on Sacred Sin. We wish EVH a speedy convalescence, and remind him that:
Yeah, you know that you're headed for a lot of trouble. If you take your whiskey home.
Vivid has announced it is delaying (or stopping altogether) the release of the Kim Kardashian sex tape, scheduled to be available this Wednesday.
Vivid co-founder Steven Hirsch has always allowed a little wiggle room in press releases about the rights Vivid secured for the DVD (for an alleged $1 million), saying, "We remain very confident that we have the legal right to distribute this video."
The sale of the tape was arranged through a third party and, though it is reasonable to assume that at one point Kardashian signed a release (thus Hirsch's confidence), it is equally reasonable to assume that Vivid recently received a cease and desist letter. Calls to Vivid were not immediately returned.
"We feel it is most important that we have an opportunity to meet with Ms. Kardashian as soon as possible," Hirsch said today. "We have reached out to her to try to set up a meeting.”
Such a meeting, I think, would require a very good lunch.
One aspect of viral marketing that fascinates me is shame.
While Kim Kardashian would have had to have signed a release in order that her sex tape with rapper/former boyfriend Ray J could be sold, she publicly distances herself from any involvement in the negotiations that ultimately resulted in Vivid's purchase of the rights to sell it.
While money will definitely appear in Kardashian's bank account, if it hasn't already, it appears that she feels that actively shilling her tape reflects poorly on her, so she is claiming to be a victim of the process, recently threatening to sue Vivid.
If Vivid doesn't already have her consent to release the tape, it will be a stunning lawsuit. Watch for various and sundry lawsuit threats to be made and then quietly retracted in the coming weeks.
Vivid co-chairman Steve Hirsch said he is "comfortable" his company has "the legal right to distribute this video."
Porn rental/purchase etailer SugarDVD and other companies (including Vivid and Redlight District) were approached by "a third party" when Kardashian was researching selling her tape (though brief, Kardashian's performance is better than that of her pal Paris Hilton and fame-tier partner Dustin Diamond). It quickly became a high magnitude non-event, with SugarDVD announcing in several media that it had "offered" Kardashian $2 million for the rights.
When Vivid last week announced that it had secured the rights for about $1 million, I asked a Vivid official why Kardashian had given up the other million.
"I think you'll find the other offer involved a nebulous back-end deal," he said.
I asked SugarDVD president Jax about the process.
"We were the initial negotiators for the tape beginning three months ago," Jax said. "After the first discussion about the tape we waited for two months and then were told it might not be released. During this same time we stated to the NY Daily News that we felt the tape 'could' be worth $1.5 million. After the NY Daily News story ran we were told by email that we would get a call soon about acquiring the tape. That call never came. Three weeks later Vivid announced they had purchased it."
Jax does not know why the deal went to Vivid, but his consolation prize is that his company can make money from the tape regardless when Vivid releases it, and that SugarDVD is now considered a player in the celebrity sex-tape market, available to purchase my home erotic spoken word happenings.
"They felt Vivid could promote it better," Jax hypothesized, "thereby getting Kim's name out there more. That possibility would require an assumption that Kim is using this as an opportunity to promote herself."
Jax was surprised that the feckless third party was not polite.
"We would have liked to have a call before it was sold," he added, "but that's the way it goes."
A creative dilemma I wrestle with daily is how to write this site in an ambiguous enough manner so that I never have to say "I would like to have sex with this person I'm writing about".
Extrapolate that to the greater porn world and you have an even bigger problem: doesn't it all boil down to jerking off? How is it possible to make any of that sound classy? I guess one could build enough structural buffers around it and one could conveniently forget that this business is all about naked ladies/fellows and what might be done with them.
But I'll never forget.
Here is Ice-T's wife, Nicole Austin, also known as Coco. Jesus Christ.
Luckily I can avoid being awkwardly vocal about my personal preferences thanks to the filthy-minded Mason, who said, "I could balance a 40 on Coco's ass."
Here are several other items that would perch nicely thereon:
Edoras, Golden Hall of the Rohirrim Deez Nutz The 2007 Honda CRV The Adam Film World building The Chrysler building Your mother The North American Plate Gondwanaland The white cliffs of Dover Belle & Sebastian Seals & Crofts Peaches & Herb Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass A load A carrier platform of Harrier Jump Jets The Pharos Lighthouse Space Another 40
Have no doubt that Mary Carey is no Meredith Vieira - or even Ann Coulter - when expressing her views on camera. But that people feel the need to waste their time pointing out the obvious after posts like this one makes me wonder who she has hurt, and/or if her detractors could be expected to do any better if faced with a similar situation.
The next time you come out of Roscoe's, I and all my Japanese friends will be there with our AV club.
What I see when benighted celebrities like Tara Reid or Carey emerge from a nightclub to a crush of shouting and cameraphones is not how stupid they are but how ravenous the public is. That Carey will do something embarrassing to herself when that red light goes on is such a given that commentary is useless.
SugarDVD enters friend-of-celebrity sex tape market
SugarDVD, the adult rental e-tailer that last year consoled Tori Spelling with an offer of free porn for life, has offered to pay $2 million for the rights to distribute the sex tape being shopped around by Kim Kardashian.
Q. Grams, Who is Kim Kardashian? A. She is Paris Hilton's best friend, apparently. Q. Why is that sexy? A.I don't know.
Kardashian, a spokesperson for SugarDVD said, is shopping her DVD via a third party, though Kardashian has intermittently denied the DVD's existence as well as said it is not being shopped.
The tape also features Ray J (no relation to Shay J), brother of "Moesha" star Brandy, by all accounts a fine girl.
The raven-haired stepdaughter of Can't Stop the Music star Bruce Jenner is no stranger to faulty judgment: her late father, Robert Kardashian (cue rolling in grave) was OJ Simpson's defense attorney.
SugarDVD is all over the possibility of this tape coming into their hands, but they do not have it, nor are they confirming or denying that anyone at SugarDVD has seen it. Porn site TMZ.com claims that the tape involves water sports. Do Armenians like curling?
I spoke with SugarDVD CEO Jax Smith about the process of purchasing friend-of-celebrity sex tapes, a field currently dominated by Red Light District (whom unconfirmed reports say was also approached with Kardashian's goods).
"We have developed sources over the years for press and business," Smith said. "As we grew, some of these sources have seen us as a place to go for a lot of things."
This sounded intriguing, if cryptic. I leaned closer.
"One such source contacted me about the tape two months ago," Smith said. "He knew we had the money, and he felt we had the ability to do a good job promoting the tape."
So Kardashian desires promotion beyond cashing the check?
One can purchase all sorts of nasty content with lovely young women for about $5, so the question is whether celebrity-by-proximity-to-a-minor-celebrity Kardashian's video could be worth $2 million. SugarDVD thinks it is.
If SugarDVD doesn't land Kim Kardashian, I will sell them my sex tape for $2 million. After all, I know Tina Tyler.
Tricia Helfer, who plays one of those new model skinjob Cylons on "Battlestar Galactica", has boldly gone where Grace Park and Katee Sackhoff should follow in disrobing for Playboy.
Will Playboy go after all of that ragtag, fugitive fleet on their combined quest: a shining planet known as Earth? All I can say is that Playboy was created by Man. It wants you to buy many copies. And it has a plan.
Glitter star and Tommy Mottola ex Mariah Carey plans to fight Boobsville Sorority Girls principal and perennial California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey's bid to trademark her nom de porn.
"I think (Mariah's) being silly," Mary Carey told Reuters of the five-octave belter's concerns over consumer confusion of the two.
While some have wondered why Mariah has taken so long to speak up about Mary, it is clear that the "Charmbracelet" auteur is tired of Grammys and instead craves Also-Rannies.
Like you, I felt that Mariah Carey's 2002 breakdown following the poor reception of Glitter, combined with more and more revealing outfits, heralded an eventual deal with Red Light District. To stake a claim against Mary Carey (nee Mary Cook) is a canny move to prepare her for the eventual crossover to porn.
"I'm in a committed relationship," replied Kendra Jade to Star Magazine's inquiry about a perhaps-ongoing fling with Kevin Federline. The tryst allegedly pre-dates Britney Spears' filing for divorce.
I often call up Star Magazine to tell them I am in a committed relationship and, frankly, I think they're getting tired of my telling them about Jesus.
Of course, claiming a committed relationship is not really a denial of a fling, because a couple may be committed to diluting the gene pool rather than monogamy. So I turned to the poetry of Jade and Federline in order to glean some clues.
From Kevin Federline's "Popozao":
Toy all your thing on me, baby. Toy all your thing on me. Toy all your thing on me, baby. Toy all your thing on me.
Gatinha sai do chão, vai descender popozão, gatinha sai do chão, vai descender popozão.
In Portugese it means “bring your ass”, on the floor, and move it real fast. I want to see your kitty and a little bit of titty– want to know where I go when I’m in your city?
From Kendra Jade's website:
I left that city long ago , Queen of the cocaine wake-up call. but that city loved me dearly because my fall was the fall of everyone . Now they wave Hello! They wave Goodbye! To you now ,to you now..and to me. In the harem of dark-eyed beauties ,your eyes seem impossibly bright.
I would never let them hurt you. (please don't let him die alone)...
All I'm saying is if they are not together maybe they should be.
Jenny Hendrix is neither Miley Cyrus nor the ringer bait in this dating site ad.
