Porn Valley Observed: Home of Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist

I imagine the women of Australia's Abby Winters studio blithely masturbating themselves into a Girls Only/sex positive stupor as outside dingos eat their babies and Jane Campion lurks with a camera, trying to capture them peeing.

But I had trouble with the boxcover copy for their latest movie, Real Girls, Real Orgasms:

Twelve Australian amateur babes masturbating to an intense climax. There’s no one else in the room but you. The girls moan in ecstasy, caressing and squeezing their writing bodies. Wet fingers, ached backs and glistening thighs show you exactly how real Australian amateurs get off.

What did it mean, "caressing and squeezing their writing bodies"? And why should I care about their backaches? It's not like those nice Maori didn't offer to carry their piano from the beach, even if that beach was in New Zealand, not Australia.

Scanning the disc, I saw no one writing at all. If anything, they just talked about koalas.

Again with the goddamn koalas.

And Gulpilil. David Gulpilil's spirit pervades this movie.

Watch Real Girls, Real Orgasms here
Buy Real Girls, Real Orgasms here

Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Cultural learnings of the Abby Winters girls
See also: Abby Winters

Labels: abby winters, australia, boxcover, masturbation, porn lesbians

According to the Department of Invented Statistics, 98 percent of porn titles are bought on the basis of cover art alone (that's why the designer Alaska is very important to Vivid-steve). Here are four boxcovers of movies I received this week that spoke to me personally.

Clockwise from top left:

Red Light District's Toe Service 2 [watch] says that the rest of Audrianna Angel is not as important as her feet. And for foot fetishists, it isn't.
New Sensations' MILFs Crave Chocolate [watch] features Baby Jayne daring us to argue with her choice of Mr. Marcus, even if what he is wearing is an airbrushed Yankees cap. Also, Marcus seems to be saying "I'm'a fuck her on my way to killing you." (Points off for not using the correct plural milves.)
The cover of Digital Sin's She Likes It Big 3 [watch] does nothing to illuminate the title, and where Kiki Vidis' ass says "pile driver" her crossed spiked heels just as loudly say "vagina dentata." Still, great picture.
Finally, Pink Visual's Slutty Campus Teens 5 [watch] has its attention in the wrong place, I think. Tyler Stevens should be looking at us, rather than the guy with the lanyard. The guy seems to be saying, "I've got this and you don't." If Stevens was looking at us and he was looking at her, she'd be saying, "I'd rather be with you than this mope."