| --Monday, November 17, 2008--
Long shots: Young Girls with Big Tits
 It must have seemed like an art film or something, one of those Charlie Kaufman/Wes Anderson movies, except with porn. I can imagine the pitch meeting.
Director
So my writing partner and I have an idea.
Producer
Hit me.
Director
"Young girls with big tits."
PAUSE
Producer
That's it? They're young and they have big tits?
Director
- and they're girls -
Producer
So girls with big tits? I don't know. No trannies? No tattoos?
Director
One of them might have a tattoo, like a butterfly, somewhere...
PAUSE
Producer
Dave Navarro's not in it?
Director
We read him, but he's not right for the -
Producer
Sorry, boys, I don't see much of a market for young girls with big tits. It seems like a think piece. Why don't you take it over to Red Light District? They do the brainy stuff.
Director
But I want New Sensations to be my creative home...
(and - SCENE)
 I have no idea how Cassandra Calogera makes it through a single day without pawing herself to death, I really don't.
Watch Young Girls with Big Tits 5 now.
Buy Young Girls with Big Tits 5 now.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Chubby Twats - an important film; On the road with Alix Lakehurst; Hirsch's Heavies heave haunches heavenward
See also: New SensationsLabels: boobs, cassandra calogera, new porn daily, new sensations, WGL, zaftig
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, August 29, 2008--
Vicky Vette: When boobs are not enough
 Erotic Scandinavian among erotic Scandinavians Vicky Vette, whose wholesome sauciness evokes the pornstars of the 90's, is in a near dead heat with someone named Tera Patrick over a Best Boobs contest on a site called Booble. At this writing, Vette is ahead.
But there seems to be a Clintonesque backroom campaign designed to snatch that title away from her, Vette thinks, involving the willingness of the adult press, as represented by trade publications AVN and XBiz, to give more press to Patrick, and Patrick's evoking her own (dubious, Vette says) charity work to an appeal for votes.
Me, I'd just be happy to be mamminated.
Having spent time working at adult trade publications, I know that squeaky wheels get the grease, and the squeakiest wheels can get their merest queef printed as a headline article.
I reprint Vette's Open Letter to the Porn Press as an example of how, even (and especially) in the tiny world of porn, boobs don't go as far as you'd like them to.
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PORN PRESS & INDUSTRY FROM VICKY VETTE
Who knows, I may be putting a nail in my own coffin, lol… but sometimes the hypocrisy and bs in this business astounds me.
, Vicky Vette release the following statement regarding Tera Patrick's charity pledge. I challenge 'journalists' to print it unedited since I will be putting it up in all the places I frequent in the new real world of adult - the internet. It is going to get read anyway. I know how to get the word out even if you don’t print it.
I preface this statement by saying that charity is a very important part of life. Doing charity is good for the heart and good for the soul. If the porn industry ever wanted to get behind my charity work, they could have taken the time to ask me about it before splashing the pages of the industry magazines with Tera's charity pledge without even giving me a chance to respond. I’ve been doing it for years. I am booked for the AIDS Walk again in Atlanta October 19, 2008 and I could use the press help for the charity’s sake, not to win Booble. Charity work should be done for the right reasons – not just for press.
I believe in actions, not press releases seeking votes when you are in 2nd place with 3 days to go in a competition. Funny how she never mentioned her intentions while she was in the lead? So we have a Tera Patrick/Booble press release with a 'every vote is a vote for charity' message. I ask the porn press who all have my telephone number (which has not changed in 5 years) the following questions:
1. Why did the porn press not ask why the charity in question is promoting a card playing event that is over one year old and the ticket page http://www.babefoundation.com/ticketstopokertourney.html directs you to a dead end? If the charity doesn’t have the funds to update their website, and needs help, maybe we should all get involved?
2. What happened to my press release I sent you over a week ago about being in Booble?
3. What happened to my press release about Nina Hartley joining forces with me with her website NinaHartley.com that you got yesterday?
4. Why was I not given the courtesy of an emailed copy of the 'charity for votes press release' while it was being prepared?
5. Why did AVN and XBiz, publications I have done stories with before, done interviews for, and always tried to help out, run with a story while I was out for an afternoon doing errands? Quote: “Vicky Vette was not available for comment?” Au Contraire! I have nothing but comments! The press release was posted on xbiz and the once-weekly email sent to the subscribers only hours after they sent me the perfunctory email. I wonder when it was actually thought of and drafted? Not available for comments! What a joke - call me – I’ll give you comments! Gee now there won’t be another newsletter email until after the contest is over. Coincidence?
6. Why not run with a story for the benefit of Nina Hartley a true veteran and staunch supporter of the industry and freedom of speech –who is a legend in her own time?
WHY is the question - my answer you will not like. Perhaps getting press for the sake of press - press because second is not good enough.
This competition is not about Tera Patrick, who is incredibly beautiful by the way. Her boobs are awesome and deserve votes. Some in the porn industry just said to me on Monday that it was incredible I was making a resurgence and that he thought I retired from the world of porn. Incredible. Nothing could be further from the truth and I have news for the world of porn. I flourished 'under the radar' and did things some stars don't seem to like to do - get my hands ‘dirty’ interacting with the fans. For two years I spent time on the internet and learning it. I may not have the global fan base of Tera Patrick by virtue of the reach of DVD sales in general, but I developed 'the people’s vote'. I stopped doing 'box cover movies' to be a trendsetter in the business. It does not take rocket science to see that DVD sales and store sales of DVD's are way down. People are going in droves to buy their adult content online and they are interacting in ways that the industry never anticipated and frankly do not like. The first thing today's "stars" do is hire a publicist/assistant to deal with all that 'horrible' mail in their inbox.
Want to know what a Vicky Vette day looks like? Opening email, going through Myspace, Facebook, Yahoo, and social networks, talking to the people who write, and above all else being interactive with as many people as possible - yes grunting it out. Just compare my myspace page http://www.myspace.com/vickyvette to Tera's myspace page. See all the comments from the folks on the page? I may not have as many 'fans', but I have cultivated 'friends'. Welcome to social networking in the 21st century porn industry - you don't like it, but it is here. Ask the fans on Facebook who have had instant message chats with Vicky Vette at 1.00 in the morning.... I chat, I interact, I do my best to respond, and I do it daily and weekly. I am not 'above' doing camshows weekly, week in week out. For what is is worth I may be one of the first 'major' (whatever that means) pornstars to jump the DVD Titanic ship and interact with fans to this extent. The porn industry is fooling itself if it thinks it can keep packaging up pornstars and throwing them on boxcovers. Fans expect more and they should get more. We are not 'stars' - we are lucky to have people buying porn with all the free porn being given away.
So who has been voting for me? Who has been texting their friends http://www.vote4vette.com (my booble vote link) all over the world? It is the fans I speak to and who have been speaking to on a daily basis, the person in Switzerland who instant messages me out of the blue, or the fan in Denmark who send me a note on Myspace saying 'I don't expect a response but....' Don't believe that the internet is working for me? Take a look at the hits on my website..... my site is now going to pass Tera Patrick's site for popularity - not bragging, just a fact. While the porn world was sleeping I was imming, texting, messaging, and bulletining my fans all over the world, one by one, vote by vote. Those are the people who are voting, those are the very people who buy the dvd's that you have been ignoring, those are the people going to the free sites you despise, and the people who are now going in droves to download rather than hang out at the local DVD store.
If you vote for Tera because of her pledge to charity... then so be it. I expected to lose when this started and I expected the all powerful adult press to give the adult superstar a leg up if she needed it. Second would still be awesome. Win or lose, I will be doing what it did before the contest started - hanging with the fans, running my sites, concentrating on the future of adult, and promoting all over the internet, me, and my boobles and one click at a time.
See you all at the AID's walk guys - hope you have the balls to print this word for word. Vicky
I like Ms. Vette, but the next time I misspell AIDS please remind me to challenge my editor to have the balls to print it.
Previously: Porn stars in my past, nipples in the news; Recovering Vette; No Morals!
See also: Vicky VetteLabels: boobs, business, conflict, philanthropy, sic, tera patrick, trademags, verbatim, vicky vette
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, July 23, 2008--
Say hello to my big friends or: Scoreface
 Like you, I was once 12 and can see the appeal of huge boobs, especially on someone as pleasant-seeming as Devin Taylor, who throws them this way and that in flesh-loving publication Score's Devin Does South Beach.
Taylor often looks like Flower Tucci's agreeable, heavier sister.
 Also like you, I haven't seen South Beach since Scarface, and so was keen to see Tony Montana's old booger sugar stomping ground.
 But Devin doesn't "do" South Beach as much as appear adjacent to it, preferring to squeeze, soap, and wrap her boobs in rented Dade County rooms and pools. I believe they had to use a special camera to capture the blessed event.
 But don't be hard on Devin Taylor for giving South Beach short shrift: she has HUGE BOOBS, after all, and that used to count for something in America. Still, that does not give her the right to spell "masturbate" wrong; it insults the intelligence of today's sophisticated porn consumer.
  Devin Does South Beach
Previously: The Lighter side of the Load, Alix Lakehurst: Riding on the Metro
See also: The Score GroupLabels: boobs, devin taylor, florida, miami, new porn daily, score, zaftig
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, July 18, 2008--
Gianna admits assault
 Phat Ass Tits 5 is an example of how, in porn, the word for one body part can be used as the adjective that modifies another. But it's a colloquial thing that requires knowledge of the language one is manipulating. One would never say "She has a big tit ass," for example.
Anyway, director Anton Slayer asks Gianna what was the weirdest thing she had ever done with her 36DD natural breasts. Before she goes into porn star mode and says, "I like sliding a cock between them," she says, "I've knocked a couple of fucking guys in the head with them."
I bet they have yet to recover. Still, what a way to go.
Previously: Today's kung-fu grip
See also: MetroLabels: anton slayer, boobs, gianna, metro, new porn daily
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, July 11, 2008--
Memphis Monroe's nipples get Clubbed
 Kentucky's own Memphis Monroe adorns the cover of September's Club International magazine, but her nipples do not.
"I took a double take," Monroe said. "I was like 'When the hell did my nipples become tan and look fake?'"
I have never understood why nipples were chosen as the part of the breast to obscure in photos. Don't the censors know that the sides, top, and bottom of breasts are just as dirty?
Think of it this way: Have you ever said, "I want to come on your nipples"? No, you say, "I want to come all over your tits."
And what is the point of obscuring something if you're just going to use something flesh-colored?
I was taken aback when I saw this photo, thinking Monroe's nipples had been replaced with those foam things one puts on the legs of chairs to keep them from scuffing hardwood floors.
"I like your nipples," I told Monroe, and admitted that only after five years of working in the adult industry did I not feel creepy saying something like that. "Where did they go?"
"Gram, you're still a creep without saying that," she said. "You should have gotten that off your chest a long time ago, Creep."
UPDATE: Club editrix Lisa Massaro writes to let us know that on the September cover of that magazine (note that one is the international version), it is Bree Olson's nipples that disappear.
Previously: Memphis debuts contest, bewbies; Derby Day for Memphis Monroe;
See also: Memphis Monroe, ClubLabels: boobs, bree olson, magazines, memphis monroe, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, April 17, 2008--
Richard Kern unnecessarily validates Sinead
 Photographer Richard Kern is featured in a regular series of segments on Spike Jonze's Brooklyn-based site VBS-TV. "Shot by Kern" is interesting for several reasons, not the least of which being it gives equal airtime to Kern's reactions to his models.
This week it is Burning Angel model Sinead who, at 20, has been aware of having a compelling rack for at least seven years, though she admits that "I was (even) a very sultry eight-year-old."
Kern is shooting a book called "Looker" in which he recreates embarrassing celebrity moments. He poses Sinead as Anna Nicole Smith covered in her own vomit (lacking any of Anna Nicole Smith's vomit, Kern uses apple sauce on Sinead).
 "Have you gotten any puking photos where the puke is real?" Kern is asked. "Does that interest you?"
"No," Kern said, looking alarmed.
Three years ago, when I was 20, I didn't have Sinead's mercenary worldview. In her interview she talks about sex, sex work, and stripping only as they pertain to money.
 On dancing: "I had nothing to do for a month. Then I had a thousand dollars in cash lying all around me."
On her club: "(People spend) their Wall Street bonuses for the year."
On doing (or not doing) porn: "Whatever. Whatever's fun and pays."
This is not a moral judgment. People should be fairly compensated for having breasts.
 "Even in high school people would say, 'You have real nice tits.'" Sinead said.
"You do," Kern said.
Previously: Joanna Angel's Invent-a-Lunch; Striking while the iron is hot
See also: Baby Sinead, Sinead on Burning Angel, Shot by Kern: SineadLabels: "burning angel", boobs, pinups, richard kern, sinead, strippers
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, February 18, 2008--
Memphis gets back to me re: boobs
 People drift in and out of our lives so often, especially in porn, as the caprices of Fate dictate our schedules, geography, partners, and spirochete trajectory.
We can't grow attached to things - even our original breasts.
So I was happy to receive an answer from a three-month old request of Memphis Monroe to show me her new boobs, which she got last fall, and which are now old enough to marry in Monroe's native Kentucky (where I am a Colonel).
As you can see, Monroe's new additions are so versatile that she used them to steer right off that couch onto the ottoman.
Previously: Sixty Seconds with Memphis Monroe
See also: Memphis MonroeLabels: boobs, memphis monroe, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, December 17, 2007--
Industry shocker: Jenny Hendrix to not get new boobs
 "I will not be getting new boobs for the time being," said Jenny Hendrix this weekend.
This really has been an emotional rollercoaster. I don't know if America will still trust wholeheartedly in the integrity of Porn Journalism if I keep printing retractions.
Previously: Hendrix' breasts to hibernateLabels: boobs, jenny hendrix, news, shocker
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, October 03, 2007--
Wishful thinking ejaculation timelines
 A company is trying to sell me on embedding a Flash player in my site that will show quick video "teases" to draw in customers.
Prior to logging in the user will see short 7 second video clips for 60 seconds. Then they need to log in and have minutes in their account so they can then watch hardcore clips. A great tease, but not enough so your users use it for free to get off. Oh I doubt that. My readers are goal-oriented.Labels: boobs, technology, website
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, January 22, 2007--
Big Boobs 3: The Hard Way
 One of the things people don't talk about when describing their first experiences with porn is that part of the fascination back then was that this was the way adults conducted themselves, and that the people in the rain-soaked pictures of rolled-up magazines behind the junior high school looked more worldly than the other adults in our lives and, perhaps, more used.
FYA Independent makes us feel once again that first-porn thrill with Big Boobs 3: The Hard Way.
The simple, arresting title paired with a term from Craps emphasizes childish terminology with a foreshadowing of the bowel disturbances that await us all.
Well done!
Big Boobs 3: The hard Way stars Chloe Knight, Chevon Taylor, Kate Frost, Jennifer Steele, and Rebecca Love. The press release says the movie was created "for certified tit freaks"; I'm not sure if you'll have to show your diploma when ordering.
Previously: More Geisha News; Our Gigantic Joggies, Ourselves
See also: FYA IndependentLabels: "FYA Independent", boobs, dvds
posted by Gram the Man
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While GramPonante.com is written for a tenth-grade reading level (in some countries), you must be 18 years or older to visit this site. Sorry.
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