Porn Valley Observed: Home of Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist

--Tuesday, May 27, 2008--

Annette Schwarz thinks I am oblivious

...she actually said "clumsy," but either way she's right.

Since 1945, those Germans have always been right.

There was a moment we shared while I was writing the story linked below when I failed to pick up on a crucial signal. She writes about it here.

Previously: Life in a Porn Dorm Isn't All Pillowfights And Orgies
See also: Totally Annette

Labels: annette schwarz, blogs, germans, WGL

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, May 27, 2008 | 1 Comments Links to this post

--Tuesday, December 11, 2007--

Tuesday shocker: Prostitutes don't actually like you

Britain's Guardian newspaper printed an "interview with a prostitute" that contradicted what she feels is the empowering feminist myth depicted by the blog Belle du Jour and its spinoff TV show "Secret Diary of a Call Girl".

The 50-ish prostitute says that the recent trend of hookers seeming glamorous is a male invention. The reality is far more sordid, she says. At the very least the life of a prostitute is very rarely like that of Belle du Jour, played in the British show by "Doctor Who"'s Billie Piper (pictured).

This is a shocking distortion of the facts. Who hasn't looked into the vacant eyes of a person one is paying for sex and thought, "I believe she's really into me"? You are always on top in a hooker's hierarchy of priorities.

The real-life prostitute's account is here. I think she has a bad attitude. My impression is that she was probably not of the sunniest disposition when she was working as a secretary, either.

Belle du Jour's blog is here.

Previously: Hookers have no sense of humor

Labels: billie piper, blogs, commentary, england, geekery, news, prosties

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, December 11, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

--Monday, January 22, 2007--

Night of the Hunter

Tod Hunter (seen here with Selena Silver) has been writing about Porn Valley since 1997, and is one of the only writers in the adult business who actually grew up here, giving him an unique perspective.

He will be on Playboy Radio's Adult DVD review tonight between 9 and 11 p.m. PST, beginning the slow trudge to AVN's 2008 awards and doing his part to inspire hope in some starry-eyed fister.

Hunter once told me, "You should eat at the Ellis Island Casino; the food is good and it's cheap."

I ate there at least once a day throughout my trip to the AVN Expo. The food was good and inexpensive. Hunter's views on adult dvds must be similarly spot-on. I listened to Tod - shouldn't you?

Previously: 35 years of grass on the field; Gram Ponante sold to Playboy; Lurk lands lads, lauds longevity, lashes latecomers
See also: Tod Hunter, Plight of the Hunter (fleshbot)

Labels: blogs, playboy

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, January 22, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

--Friday, January 05, 2007--

Concentric circle jerks of porn profits

The next-most-useless thing to the inflated revenue declared by Big Porn is people blogging about it.

The thesis statement of Boing Boing's story about how the adult industry couldn't possibly make $13 billion a year is that the organization offering that number, AVN, is the only source people go to for verification of that number.

Among a group that includes Lurk Ford and the Original Violet Blue, Boing Boing editor Xeni Jardin cites Tony Comstock, who says, "Look at any porn video and it’s easy to see the producers didn’t spend a lot of time or money on it." Clearly, he has not seen Gram Ponante's Nutfeast, still the best-selling adult movie of all time, and the only porn movie with a camel race in it.

That is why I have commissioned my own study. Taking into account revenues generated by video stores, the Internet, hookers, escorts, call girls, hoz, hotels, United Airlines (a bunch of whores if you ask me), MySpace, the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, the Delia's summer catalog, prostitutes, Verizon (ditto United Airlines), Gram Ponante: Porn Valley Observed, and NASA, whose Space Shuttle is equipped with technology that can see people naked, the adult industry makes exactly $998 billion a year.

That's right: Nine Hundred and Ninety-Eight billion dollars a year.

This is a solid number and I am available for quotes.

Furthermore, in 2006 alone (figures were made available, like, 20 minutes ago), the adult industry was responsible for 10 of the 14 warmest summers in the past decade, the five highest-grossing concerts, took Blu-Ray-compatible footage of Saddam Huseein's hanging, killed Gerald Ford and poisoned that Russian guy (the adult industry isn't good with names), gave back the Lindbergh Baby, kept on rockin' in the free world, had more #1 hits than Elvis or the Beatles, wrote that fat girl book by Wally Lamb, and served 150 lunches to homeless veterans.

It's just that legitimate.

I want people to stop marvelling about how much or how little the porn industry makes. I want them to stop debunking figures based on their lack of a share of those perceived revenues. I want people to stop telling me to do the math; it presupposes a world in which adult trade publications are taken seriously and I don't want to live in that world. It hurts my head.

Previously: Perceived money; Adult industry writers wait for check
See also: Boing Boing

Labels: blogs, hype, money, trademags

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, January 05, 2007 | 2 Comments Links to this post