| --Friday, December 05, 2008--
Same time last year: Pink Clam, Yellow Couch Edition
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, November 14, 2008--
Tonight: 'Querque Kiss Attack
 For all of my readers who live in Albuquerque (and you must be at least three years past your quinceanera in order to read this site), you are in for a treat.
Kiss Attack, the comics and cleavage pornfest directed by Carlos Batts, will be screening tonight at 10:30 at the Guild Theatre as part of Pornotopia 2, the city's controversial and "empowering" (I love when that word is used to describe porn as opposed to, say, spinach) erotic film festival. Albuquerque is also the home of Kiss Attack's animator, Nathan Carlisle.
P.S. While looking for an image of New Mexico to place behind Sara Vandalla, I found this. I think it was the first time I was pleasantly surprised by random nudity on the Internet in five years. I hope they come to the screening. With the dog.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Kiss Attack review; Tough time for Arizona prostitutes; Sophia Rossi - Arizona promotes femininity
See also: Alibi, April FloresLabels: "adam and eve", april flores, carlos batts, events, new mexico, sara vandella
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, November 11, 2008--
You got your post-apocalyptic in my voluptuous
 As you know, the last time "post-apocalyptic" and "voluptuous" were used in the same sentence was when the Bogue Chitto High School for the Fat mounted a stage version of Blade Runner.
But today I received the covers of two upcoming movies by eminent pornographers Carlos Batts and Maria Beatty, who are releasing their Voluptuous Biker Babes and Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls this week.
Batts, whose muse is his wife, the zaftig and incendiary April Flores, and Beatty, whose noir lesbian fare is shot everywhere from L.A. to Tucson to France, have remarkably similar styles when you think about it. Bodies become art objects rather than merely surfaces for fluid spray. After their movies I am left thinking, "Did I just watch a porn movie?"
 Perhaps to combat this not-unreasonable concern, here is another image from Voluptuous Biker Babes. That's Otto Bauer underneath Audrey Hollander, keeping her from flying off into space.
Beatty employed longtime friend Lydia Lunch to provide the soundtrack for Cowgirls. Lunch is a post-apocalyptic Renaissance artist herself, having worked with everyone from Richard Kern to Thurston Moore to Exene Cervenka.
Lunch has ridden the porn pendulum from the ortho-feminist "porn is degrading to women" past Zero to "No pornography exploits women," (she said). "It exploits men. It’s the men that are made to look stupid, silly and ridiculous, chasing after the golden elixir. Women look beautiful, do what they wanna do and get paid for it."
As there are (probably) no men in Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls, we'll see if anyone looks foolish chasing the golden elixir.
Batts and Co. will be signing copies of Voluptuous Biker Babes tonight from 7-10 at Book Soup on Sunset Blvd.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Location, location, location; Beating up Amber Rayne at the American Hotel; After the Kiss Attack, there is only silence
See also: Bleu Productions, Carlos BattsLabels: april flores, audrey hollander, bbw, carlos batts, events, france, lesbian, lydia lunch, maria beatty, otto bauer, zaftig
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, August 18, 2008--
After the Kiss Attack, there is only silence
 Kiss Attack is one of those porn movies that, characteristic of adult marketing, had a lot of pre-release hype and then was never heard from again. This is because most porn movies, unless they are Pirates or Deep Throat, conclude most of their sales in pre-orders or immediately after release, at which point the market is primed for something else.
Another reason that porn publicity is disproportionately weighted before a movie comes out is that directors and performers don't collect residuals.. That is why people like me got several press releases and photos even as Kiss Attack was in production.
 It is almost anti-climactic when the movie hits shelves, because the combination of post-release ennui and inability to live up to hype conspire to hustle a movie into obscurity. It is the same in Hollywood, but in the smaller pool of porn, where there are fewer people making more movies, the vanishing effect can be dramatic unless a movie is exceptional.
Worse still, Kiss Attack, which was a movie with several great sex scenes (see my review and gallery), was shot for a studio that no longer exists. "Independent Adult Cinema" was an arm of Adam & Eve that got lopped off in a recent downsizing.
UPDATE: While there was a downsizing at Adam & Eve and while I had been told by a company employee from its North Carolina office that IAC was given the axe, Adam & Eve director and production guru Wit Maverick tells me (in the Coments section) that Independent Adult Cinema is alive and well and actively promoting Kiss Attack and "deserving projects." I apologize if I have contributed to any confusion.
 Then there's the version issue. Director Batts will sell a cable version of Kiss Attack on Amazon starting in September (pre-order here ) but the XXX version, with more profits going to Adam & Eve, is already in stores.
Finally, because IAC isn't around anymore (see UPDATE, above), there will not be a Kiss Attack 2, which is unfortunate, because the original ends abruptly, with a strip-tease in an alley, and a "to be continued" tacked on. It's like Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins with Sasha Grey as Wilford Brimley.
That said, Kiss Attack is worth seeing, and for almost none of the reasons proposed in its pre-street hyperbole. It is a photographically exquisite movie in places, especially in scenes with Grey and Vandella, and April Flores is always a pleasure to see.
Read the review and see a gallery here.
Previously: April Flores and Carlos Batts at Comic-Con; La Cholita in ink; Young Hollywood and the birth of the United StatesLabels: april flores, business, carlos batts, pirates, sasha grey
posted by Gram the Man
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--Tuesday, July 01, 2008--
April Flores, Carlos Batts at Comic-Con
 Most porn movies are horror flicks only unintentionally, but Carlos Batts' Kiss Attack, which he made for Adam & Eve and which comes with a 16-page comic book which Batts co-designed with Albuquerque artist Nathan Carlisle, is supposed to be scary.
"Andy Warhol got to make his 'Dracula,'" Batts said of his porn vampire movie, "and Kiss Attack is my Dracula movie."
Kiss Attack stars Sasha Grey, April Flores, and La Cholita.
Performers and bands featured in Kiss Attack will perform during Comic-Con at the Casbah Club in San Diego.
Batts, who has been attending Comic-Con for 14 years, will be at the Last Gasp booth giving out tickets.
Previously: At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; La Cholita in cars and in ink; Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army)
See also: Carlos Batts, April Flores, Adam & EveLabels: april flores, carlos batts, comics, geekery, la cholita, san diego, sasha grey, the horror
posted by Gram the Man
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--Saturday, May 10, 2008--
April Flores, Alix Lakehurst, and Mr. Skin
 Two of my favorite people talk with each other in a recent article on Mr. Skin.com.
Alix Lakehurst interviewed April Flores for the Chicago-based mainstream movie nudity website and the Kiss Attack performer talked about working with Belladonna, idolizing Rita Hayworth, and being her own favorite porn star.
Read the article here.
Previously: April Flores: Diva; Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States; No Easter for Alix Lakehurst
See also: April Flores: The Skinterview; April Flores, Alix LakehurstLabels: alix lakehurst, april flores, bbw, belladonna, chicago, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, March 21, 2008--
Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States
 HBO's "John Adams" miniseries is pretty compelling, though it inaccurately places the man who would become our second President at the scene of the Boston Massacre. Tom Wilkinson is brilliant as Ben Franklin, David Morse engaging as George Washington, the guy from "Oz" excellent as the guy from Pennsylvania, Laura Linney wonderful as Abigail Adams, and Paul Giamatti way better than he was in that god-awful pool movie with Opie's daughter.
As I sat at home considering these things a thought came to me:
"I have to go take another picture of Adrianna Nicole in a parking lot."
My collection of pictures of Adrianna Nicole in parking lots is among the major achievements of my career as America's Beloved Porn Journalist. Tonight, while I watched John Adams wrestle with Philadelphia's horrible plague of dysentery in the summer of 1776, I knew that one of the freedoms guaranteed by Adams and the founders was manifested in Carlos Batts' Young Hollywood, in which Nicole has sex by venetian blinds.
"Yeah, man," Batts said. "Adrianna's a trip."
 The party was at Safari Sam's on Sunset Blvd. Guests listened to live music from bands featured in Young Hollywood and Batts' next movie, Kiss Attack, including a set from Batts' friends from Baltimore, Dirt & Bank.
"Yeah, man, "Batts said. "Dirt & Bank are a trip."
Mandy Morbid proved that her default setting is winsome as she posed with Pride of Oregon Kimberly Kane. Kane, who is Young Hollywood's boxcover model, has yet to see the movie.
 "You should," I said. "You're really naked in it."
"I see all my movies," Morbid said. "I've only been in one."
Because of "John Adams", I'd missed the bands. Apparently Glenn Danzig was there, as his yard had been used for Mandy Morbid's car-top tryst with Lystra, or trystra. But I didn't see him.
"He was standing about one millimeter away from you," Batts told me. (Danzig is kind of short; Mika Tan told me this.)
 A drunk and vaguely surly Benny Profane was on stage. He played Martin van Buren in the Adams movie.
 I saw Clown Porn's Dick Chibbles and Daisy Layne.
"Why clowns?" I probed.
"People having sex is funny," Chibbles said (he lives in San Diego). "Clowns having sex is funnier."
Actually, clowns having sex is horrifying. But not more than the atrocities committed by the British in its colonies, or what the Sons of Liberty regularly did to the Crown's tax collectors.
 Also on hand were performer Van Damage and his wife, let's call her Cynthia Damage. I approve of this marriage.
"My girlfriend brought me to a swinger's party and I just found myself blowing him," she said, echoing Martha Washington.
 Off in a corner representing Los Angeles were April Flores and her friend, La Cholita. Flores did much of the behind the scenes work in Young Hollywood and stars in Kiss Attack, where she leads a fleshy vampire army. How La Cholita figures into this I'm still unsure, but I'm glad she does.
"Looking good is being deadly," La Cholita said.
 As I was about to leave, a parking lot materialized around Adrianna Nicole for her photo opportunity. It made me think of the tax collector in "John Adams"; she looked like she should be tarred and feathered, except not with tar and feathers, if you know what I mean.
Read the Young Hollywood review here.
Previously: Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army)
See also: Carlos Batts, Adam & Eve, HBO's "John Adams"Labels: "kimberly kane", adrianna nicole, april flores, carlos batts, daisy layne, dick chibbles, events, la cholita, latin, mandy morbid, pinups, van damage, WGL
posted by Gram the Man
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--Monday, March 03, 2008--
Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army)
 Carlos Batts has been making a movie that he calls "The Blade Runner of Porn," Kiss Attack.
 "This is the movie I want to be measured by," he said. "I'm really proud of it."
 Featuring burlesque dancers, luchadores, martial artists, a standup comedian for good measure, and as always, Batts' partner in crime April Flores, Kiss Attack is the not-difficult-to-follow story of the five daughters of Vlad Drakul, each of whom is armed with a lethal lipstick created by Drakul's henchman, Mr. Experiment.
 Experiment's son, VMMX, is twisted with jealousy over the attention his father pays to the ladies, and vows to destroy them with the help of his gang, the Fleshers.
 "I'm not alt," Batts said. "This is a totally new thing."
 Shot in Los Angeles, Kiss Attack also features original music and comic storyboarding in addition to stars Flores, Sasha Gray, Claudia Rossi, Sara Vandella, and Damon Pierce as Mr. Experiment, who totally stole my look.
 Claudia Rossi is Cleopatra. She doesn't look Egyptian, but who does anymore?
 Flores is Ms. Sangre. She is acting circles around her scene partner.
 This is my favorite picture. Cholita makes an excellent hood ornament.
Previously: April Flores: Diva; At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; Report: Purchases of "Gene Simmons" sex tape limited to people who already find Gene Simmons repugnant
See also: Carlos BattsLabels: april flores, bbw, carlos batts, cholita, claudia rossi, fotos, pinups, sara vandella, sasha grey, WGL, zaftig
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, December 05, 2007--
April Flores: Diva
 As you can see, April Flores can hit a high C without using her hands or her voice!
Flores was in Hollywood with her husband, the director Carlos Batts, to promote Voluptuous Life, a sort of Lifestyles of the Abundantly Tasty that chronicles her various curvy exploits in L.A., San Francisco, and New York.
I like Flores because we are both native Spanish speakers with flaming red hair, and because she and Batts prove an exception to the rule of successful, happy couples in porn.
See more pictures after the gap.
 The only time I had visited this studio space on Cole Ave. was my first on the set story after launching my website in 2005. All the sights and smells of the gangbang epic Six in Me came back as I stood drinking open bar liquor on the very spot where Jack Venice and Brian Surewood came on Terri Summers' face. I thought, if I could only have told Surewood and Venice then what we all know now, well, I would have got in the way of what eventually landed on the sweet Dutch Summers.
 Voluptuous Life, produced by Bad Seed, was being hyped along with the soft launch of Adam & Eve's new label, Independent Adult Cinema. Bad Seed is Adam & Eve's gonzo division, said marketing vice president Peter Reynolds, so Voluptuous Life and Joe Gallant's Skin Trade, both of which are not gonzo movies, would have been on the IAC label had it existed this summer.
As it is, IAC's first official release will be a title directed by Joanna Angel, set to coincide with the AVN Expo next month.
 Flores is the type of person people are happy to be around. There were women from all walks of life at the party, porn and non-porn, eager to push their breasts against hers.
 Kimberly Kane, Masuimi Max, and the delightful Cherry of Jumbo's Clown Room (high on the list of phrases I never imagined I would type), all gathered to join their breasts with those of Flores, as if her breasts reflected the bulk buying power of a Costco membership and they all wanted a shot at pallets of Raisinets.
 Adam and Eve, as you can see, is managed by men with trim facial hair and glasses. From left we see executives Wit Maverick, Bob Christian, and Peter Reynolds. These are the people who supply a good deal of the world's pornography; are you surprised they look so urbane?
Voluptuous Life is available now.
Previously: Barely Legal: Generations; Young Hollywood
See also: Fatty D, Carlos Batts, Adam & EveLabels: "adam and eve", "kimberly kane", april flores, asian, bbw, brian surewood, carlos batts, events, jack venice, legal, masuimi max, strippers, zaftig
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, November 30, 2007--
Industry continues to distance itself from altporn
 As predicted in these virtual pages as early as 2005, the video version of alternative porn that was labeled "altporn" to the dismay of altporn's actual Internet pioneers (but not Matt Zane, who never labeled what he did starting a decade ago), is being actively avoided by studios.
The latest snub comes from Peter Reynolds of Adam & Eve who, in announcing the soft launch of the label IAC, or Independent Adult Cinema, stated that the new label's directors were "very alternative—but not ‘Alt.’"
Reynolds headed VCA's sales department when that company ushered in video's version of altporn, which I called steveporn because "altporn" was a misnomer. Yes, I did that because I'm a fucking genius.
Reynolds completed the distinction by saying that directors Carlos Batts (who just released Voluptuous Life), Joe Gallant, and Joanna Angel "have a different, more creative way of shooting adult.” More creative than whom was left unsaid.
But the terms "Alternative" and "Independent" are pretty loose, too. I'm sure that there is somebody out there shooting Dali-esque corpse porn through a greasy ashtray mounted on a pinhole camera who would call Joe Gallant a tool of the establishment.
Previously: At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts
See also: Adam & Eve to launch IAC line at Voluptuous Life party (avn); Adam & EveLabels: "adam and eve", april flores, carlos batts, events, steveporn
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, August 02, 2007--
April Flores con pasties
 If you like the April Flores like the world likes the April Flores, check out You Show Girl Burlesque this Saturday when Ms. Alter Ego takes the stage at Charlie O's at 501 South Spring Street downtown.
Previously: So much more creative than doing lines off hookers; At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts
See also: You Show Girl, April FloresLabels: april flores, carlos batts, events, strippers
posted by Gram the Man
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While GramPonante.com is written for a tenth-grade reading level (in some countries), you must be 18 years or older to visit this site. Sorry.
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On the set of The Da Vinci Load with the late Haley Paige (December 7, 2005)
