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Thursday, May 14, 2009
Art: Despite devotion, April Flores is not a virgin
 Artists from Michelangelo to El Greco have depicted the Virgin Mary, and tonight at La Luz de Jesus (not to be confused with La Madre de Jesus) gallery in Hollywood, eight artists put their stamp on the non-virginal parts of April Flores. Flores' genitalia were the subject of Topco's Cyberskin craftsmen earlier this year, and the original mold of her folds was used by the artists Axis, Carlos Batts, COOP, Jim Mahfood, Kim Buzzelli, Kozy & Dan, Misha, and Small Paul to create everything from a chilling image of vagina dentata to a Japanese urn to a holy shrine. Each of the artists had three weeks with the original mold, said artist Carlos Batts, who doubles as Flores' husband and fan club president. Recalling an unfortunate incident between myself and the statue of Aphrodite in Alexandria one time, I asked if these sculptures were Fuckable Art. "No," Flores said, "and you probably shouldn't be on the table." Flores' plaster vagina collection will next visit San Francisco and Albuquerque.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: BBW alarmists lighten up See also: April Flores, La Luz de Jesus Gallery Labels: april flores, art, carlos batts, events ¶ Thursday, May 14, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post 
Friday, April 10, 2009
BBW alarmists: lighten up
 Something about this week made me long for the rich taste of a Wendy's Baconator, and I have been passed out atop a pile of their wrappers for the last several days.In an AVN story about how BBW (Big, Beautiful Women) titles are catching on with consumers, writer Nelson X wrote a hilarious but, considering the time, politically insensitive story that referred to plus-sized porn actresses as "heifers" and their fans as "losers." I know both the joy and the trials of being big and beautiful; no retail store can sell me a pair of pants that fits. So I was inundated (well, three letters and a phone call) by people who found the AVN article offensive. Weight is a real battleground. On the one hand, you've got legitimate concerns about childhood obesity and the increasing weight of the average American. On the other you've got curvy women who have a legitimate beef (sorry) about emaciated, Holocaustal models tottering through the pages of fashion magazines and setting impossible and dangerous standards of beauty for girls. On yet another hand (I won't tell you where I keep it), there has been in the last year a backlash by women who are not curvy and who just happen to be skinny against a pervasive and politically correct "Curvy women are real women" campaign. That porn traffics in stereotypes - racial ones, mostly, but also those of class, breast size, and hair color - is what makes it a safe place to explore fantasies without taking the darker ones out on anyone. White wife raped by black men? Submissive Asian schoolgirls who'll do anything? Bisexuality? All of these horrors can be safely explored by our nation's pornographers.  AVN has a history of colorful writing. It is the personalities of the writers that make the magazine. In this way it is less the Variety of the porn world than it is the early Rolling Stone. Under intense pressure from the BBW lobby (a registered 501c organization), AVN president Paul Fishbein threw Nelson under the bus by indicating that no one else read Nelson's article before printing it."After some research I agree with you. This was in bad taste. We are changing (stronger) an already announced policy and making it enforcable so this won’t happen again. We have plenty of plus-sized employees and, ironically, the write ris anything but a thin person. We are ensuring that this type of shoddy, distasteful “journalism”does not happen again."The delightful April Flores lashed out at AVN (not mentioning it by name) on her blog, and AVN will do right by the powerful zaftig community with the sort of positive coverage it ends up giving to most people who complain. Flores gets the benefit of this forthcoming compensatory coverage even though she was not mentioned in the article. Of course, to expect an industry that created "Dirtpipe Milkshakes," "Black Dicks in White Chicks," and "Miso Horny" to be in the business of glorifying women (or men) is wrongheaded, though Flores points out that the AVN article goes out of its way to put weighty beauties down. And she's right. The article was too jokey for its own good, especially considering it was aimed at retailers and advertisers. Far worse was that it faulted consumers who like BBW material; you don't insult your customers.  And AVN is an advertiser-supported trade magazine, hence why Fishbein's ironic quoting of the word "journalism" said more about the tradition he created than it did about Nelson's writing.But as a porn reviewer who happens to like the "roomy" titles, I was not offended by the fact that the performers were characterized as cows any more than their girth-challenged counterparts were called "skinny bitches." That would mean that the characters inhabited by the performers were indistinguishable from the people who created them. Sad to say, but porn ruins everyone equally; don't seek any empowerment here. To co-opt a line from Steve Martin, the only reason women are put on a pedestal in porn is to look up their dresses. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Does Cyberskin April Flores dream of electric sheep?; April Flores in "Voluptuous Life"; Microsoft unveils "My First Porn Article" software; Chubby twats - an important film; The Lighter side of the Load See also: Heifers, Bovines And Baconators; AVN digital edition Labels: april flores, avn, bbw, commentary, hype, paul fishbein, zaftig ¶ Friday, April 10, 2009 2 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Does Cyberskin April Flores dream of electric sheep?
 I have never had a problem with replicants, cyborgs, or other sentient machines sharing a buffet table with me because, if anything, I don't want to be among the first targeted when they inevitably rise up and harvest our organs.But I am afraid that April Flores' Voluptuous Cyberskin Pussy might be too real. It arrived here at Gram Ponante Towers, Peyote Refinery, Curves Franchise, Aeroflot Terminal, and Trampolinarium on Monday to find Topco's marital aid and I immediately placed it on a vacationing intern's office chair. When I returned today after two days off I found it had been transformed into this excellent desk organizer.  "I can imagine Ben Franklin using one of these as an inkwell before a night of burning the midnight oil," a coworker said."It looks like what girls at Office Depot use to dig out their tampons," suggested another. "She's sweat. Wet. Got it going like a turbo 'vette," opined Sir Mixalot. Then the intern walked in and said I owed him a new chair. Of all the naturally-occurring lubricants, such as saliva, plasma, sperm, urine, and booty juice, none says wholesome American toil better than sweat. Still, there's a time and a place for it.  "April Flores' Cyberskin Voluptuous Pussy sweated all over my chair," he said. Even as I type this, he is sitting on a paper towel. But here's the thing:I have sat adjacent to the actual April Flores' Voluptuous Pussy several times and it has never sweated. April Flores herself is fresh and clean as a daisy. It is her skinjob Cylon pussy that is discrediting the real thing. Removing the inorganic fleshmass to the top of a filing cabinet, I noticed the big wet spot it left behind. Could it be that my coworkers were using it carnally while I was gone? "All I put in it was that Sharpie," the Ben Franklin fan said.  Maybe by next month, when we can use embryonic stem cells to make voluptuous pussies of our own, the April Flores' Sweating Robo-Vag will seem like an antique curiosity, like a rotary phone or the adult DVD market.But today we can legitimately wonder if perspiring cyberpussies will take our jobs and make our flesh their own. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: April Flores - diva; Sarah Vandella makes me feel like a replicant; 10 things Upload is better than; Caprica Six gets a ten See also: April Flores, Topco Labels: april flores, geekery, marital aids, zaftig ¶ Thursday, March 19, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, March 16, 2009
Lystra leashed and April Flores' Impossible Dream
 Artist and porn performer Zak Sabbath has created this painting of April Flores taking Lystra for a walk. He has titled it "Judge And Fool."The painting reminds me of the art for "Man of La Mancha."  Speaking of heavenly causes, Flores' Voluptuous Cyberskin Pussy arrived at Gram Ponante Towers, Helipad, Fryolater, and Brasserie this morning with a big, wet slap. The FedEx guys are on to me. "Whaddaya got here, 'Gram'?" one said. "Well let's just take a look," I said, opening the box with a stewardess-grade box cutter. I've mentioned before that you cannot keep a secret from your delivery personnel, so you might as well be as open as you can about what you're receiving. "What is this?" FedEx Guy #1 said. "It's April Flores' Voluptuous Cyberskin Pussy," I said. "From Topco.""Is she a big girl?" said FedEx Guy #2, echoing Jame Gumb. "Yes, she's a big girl, sir," I said, echoing Clarice Starling. "Couldn't you just get a fat girl to come over and give you this for free?" FedEx Guy #2 said. "You sully voluptuous women everywhere with your spurious talk, sir," I said. "But Yes, you probably could. But none would be April Flores." "Is she famous?" FedEx Guy #1 said. "She's the most famous Rubenesque personage since William Howard Taft," I said. Stopping short of suggesting that Topco make a suit from April Flores, I'll say only that Flores makes for a delightful windmill to tilt at. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Kimberly Kane is a handsome woman; Hospital - Happy Labor Day; Barbed Wire weekend; April Flores - an evening at the theatre See also: Fatty D, Zak Sabbath, Topco Labels: april flores, lystra, marital aids, topco, zaftig, zak sabbath ¶ Monday, March 16, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, March 07, 2009
April Flores: An evening at the theatre
 Voluptuous Biker Babes screened at the New Beverly Theatre Saturday morning at 1 (why I ever get there early for midnight shows still confuses me. It must be the inexpensive snacks. What cost me $15 at Watchmen at the Arclight the next night cost $3 at the New Beverly. And I'm still talking about snacks, by the way) to an audience that included much of the cast and crew, who gave out prizes such as a Topco mold of April's subequatorial moneymaker.Fans of the zaftig Flores were probably torn between her glamorous physical presence and the even bigger projection of her on the screen. But as I always say (and as is engraved in the State House of Utah), "The screen does not perfume its boobs." The version chosen by director Carlos Batts was the softcore cable cut, so attendees weren't treated to popshots in the Mojave. Still, the experience of being in an auditorium watching porn with 100 other people made me nostalgic for my days at NASA. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Why I love the theatre; You got your post-apocalyptic in my voluptuous See also: April Flores, Carlos Batts Labels: april flores, carlos batts, events, zaftig ¶ Saturday, March 07, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, February 27, 2009
The Undulabulous life of April Flores
 Sometimes when watching a porn movie I think the actress might break. I look at her ribs and, sometimes, the little carved out area where the thigh meets the groin, all as rigid and stark as her premature bolt-ons and I think, "Just let me make you a bowl of pesto." Not April Flores. The milkshake-thick star of Glamazons (to be released in April) has an undulating body that reminds me of this line from "On the Road":"So in America when the sun goes down and I sit on the old broken-down river pier watching the long, long skies over New Jersey and sense all that raw land that rolls in one unbelievable huge bulge over to the West Coast...I think of Dean Moriarty, I even think of Old Dean Moriarty, the father we never found, I think of Dean Moriarty."  Flores is that raw land giving rise to those huge bulges. Like director Carlos Batts' other movies starring Flores, Glamazons is more of a travelogue. Flores out with friends, watching someone pole dance, going door to door, naked, in a Hollywood apartment complex with Alix Lakehurst, inhaling a headless Barbie, or getting her parts engooped for a Topco mold of her ass and vagina. The biggest news of the movie, of course, is that it will mark the first time Flores works with a dude. That dude is the performer Jerry, but I think she is thinking of Dean Moriarty (hence Glamazons' subtitle: "On the Load").Meet Flores and Batts March 6 in Hollywood. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: On the road with Alix Lakehurst; Voluptuous Biker Babes at the New Beverly See also: April Flores, Carlos Batts, Alix Lakehurst Labels: alix lakehurst, april flores, carlos batts, literature, marital aids, topco, zaftig ¶ Friday, February 27, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Voluptuous Biker Babes at the New Beverly
 One of the best places to see a movie in the City of Los Angeles is the New Beverly Cinema, and the perfect movie to watch on the New Beverly's screen will get the midnight treatment on Friday, March 6.Carlos Batts' Voluptuous Biker Babes is a tribute to the films of Russ Meyer and Roger Corman mixed with a little Robert Rodriguez and, what the hell, the Teletubbies.  Zaftig badasses, drag queens, dance troupes, and even Audrey Hollander join forces to present a tale of sex in the desert gone horribly right.The Voluptuous screening will feature raffles and prizes as well as appearances from much of the cast, including April Flores. Admission is $7.  About the New Beverly: One of the only independent theatres left in Los Angeles, the New Beverly has a friendly film-fan staff, inexpensive snacks, and an eclectic screening schedule peppered with celebrity appearances. Come drunk.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: You got your post-apocalyptic in my voluptuous; April Flores - diva; Hair apparent - Miss Sharon Mitchell in "The Violation of Claudia" See also: Carlos Batts, April Flores, New Beverly Cinema Labels: april flores, audrey hollander, carlos batts, events, new beverly, zaftig ¶ Wednesday, February 18, 2009 2 Comments Links to this post
Friday, December 05, 2008
Same time last year: Pink Clam, Yellow Couch Edition
Finally: I'm running the Pirates 2 Giveaway contest for one more week Labels: april flores, casey parker, haley paige, steveporn, stly, sunny lane, zaftig ¶ Friday, December 05, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, November 14, 2008
Tonight: 'Querque Kiss Attack
 For all of my readers who live in Albuquerque (and you must be at least three years past your quinceanera in order to read this site), you are in for a treat.Kiss Attack, the comics and cleavage pornfest directed by Carlos Batts, will be screening tonight at 10:30 at the Guild Theatre as part of Pornotopia 2, the city's controversial and "empowering" (I love when that word is used to describe porn as opposed to, say, spinach) erotic film festival. Albuquerque is also the home of Kiss Attack's animator, Nathan Carlisle. P.S. While looking for an image of New Mexico to place behind Sara Vandalla, I found this. I think it was the first time I was pleasantly surprised by random nudity on the Internet in five years. I hope they come to the screening. With the dog. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Kiss Attack review; Tough time for Arizona prostitutes; Sophia Rossi - Arizona promotes femininity See also: Alibi, April Flores Labels: "adam and eve", april flores, carlos batts, events, new mexico, sara vandella ¶ Friday, November 14, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
You got your post-apocalyptic in my voluptuous
 As you know, the last time "post-apocalyptic" and "voluptuous" were used in the same sentence was when the Bogue Chitto High School for the Fat mounted a stage version of Blade Runner.But today I received the covers of two upcoming movies by eminent pornographers Carlos Batts and Maria Beatty, who are releasing their Voluptuous Biker Babes and Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls this week. Batts, whose muse is his wife, the zaftig and incendiary April Flores, and Beatty, whose noir lesbian fare is shot everywhere from L.A. to Tucson to France, have remarkably similar styles when you think about it. Bodies become art objects rather than merely surfaces for fluid spray. After their movies I am left thinking, "Did I just watch a porn movie?" Perhaps to combat this not-unreasonable concern, here is another image from Voluptuous Biker Babes. That's Otto Bauer underneath Audrey Hollander, keeping her from flying off into space.Beatty employed longtime friend Lydia Lunch to provide the soundtrack for Cowgirls. Lunch is a post-apocalyptic Renaissance artist herself, having worked with everyone from Richard Kern to Thurston Moore to Exene Cervenka. Lunch has ridden the porn pendulum from the ortho-feminist "porn is degrading to women" past Zero to "No pornography exploits women," (she said). "It exploits men. It’s the men that are made to look stupid, silly and ridiculous, chasing after the golden elixir. Women look beautiful, do what they wanna do and get paid for it." As there are (probably) no men in Post-Apocalyptic Cowgirls, we'll see if anyone looks foolish chasing the golden elixir. Batts and Co. will be signing copies of Voluptuous Biker Babes tonight from 7-10 at Book Soup on Sunset Blvd. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Location, location, location; Beating up Amber Rayne at the American Hotel; After the Kiss Attack, there is only silence See also: Bleu Productions, Carlos Batts Labels: april flores, audrey hollander, bbw, carlos batts, events, france, lesbian, lydia lunch, maria beatty, otto bauer, zaftig ¶ Tuesday, November 11, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 18, 2008
After the Kiss Attack, there is only silence
 Kiss Attack is one of those porn movies that, characteristic of adult marketing, had a lot of pre-release hype and then was never heard from again. This is because most porn movies, unless they are Pirates or Deep Throat, conclude most of their sales in pre-orders or immediately after release, at which point the market is primed for something else.Another reason that porn publicity is disproportionately weighted before a movie comes out is that directors and performers don't collect residuals.. That is why people like me got several press releases and photos even as Kiss Attack was in production.  It is almost anti-climactic when the movie hits shelves, because the combination of post-release ennui and inability to live up to hype conspire to hustle a movie into obscurity. It is the same in Hollywood, but in the smaller pool of porn, where there are fewer people making more movies, the vanishing effect can be dramatic unless a movie is exceptional.Worse still, Kiss Attack, which was a movie with several great sex scenes (see my review and gallery), was shot for a studio that no longer exists. "Independent Adult Cinema" was an arm of Adam & Eve that got lopped off in a recent downsizing. UPDATE: While there was a downsizing at Adam & Eve and while I had been told by a company employee from its North Carolina office that IAC was given the axe, Adam & Eve director and production guru Wit Maverick tells me (in the Coments section) that Independent Adult Cinema is alive and well and actively promoting Kiss Attack and "deserving projects." I apologize if I have contributed to any confusion.  Then there's the version issue. Director Batts will sell a cable version of Kiss Attack on Amazon starting in September (pre-order here ) but the XXX version, with more profits going to Adam & Eve, is already in stores.Finally, because IAC isn't around anymore (see UPDATE, above), there will not be a Kiss Attack 2, which is unfortunate, because the original ends abruptly, with a strip-tease in an alley, and a "to be continued" tacked on. It's like Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins with Sasha Grey as Wilford Brimley. That said, Kiss Attack is worth seeing, and for almost none of the reasons proposed in its pre-street hyperbole. It is a photographically exquisite movie in places, especially in scenes with Grey and Vandella, and April Flores is always a pleasure to see. Read the review and see a gallery here. Previously: April Flores and Carlos Batts at Comic-Con; La Cholita in ink; Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States Labels: april flores, business, carlos batts, pirates, sasha grey ¶ Monday, August 18, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
April Flores, Carlos Batts at Comic-Con
 Most porn movies are horror flicks only unintentionally, but Carlos Batts' Kiss Attack, which he made for Adam & Eve and which comes with a 16-page comic book which Batts co-designed with Albuquerque artist Nathan Carlisle, is supposed to be scary."Andy Warhol got to make his 'Dracula,'" Batts said of his porn vampire movie, "and Kiss Attack is my Dracula movie." Kiss Attack stars Sasha Grey, April Flores, and La Cholita. Performers and bands featured in Kiss Attack will perform during Comic-Con at the Casbah Club in San Diego. Batts, who has been attending Comic-Con for 14 years, will be at the Last Gasp booth giving out tickets. Previously: At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; La Cholita in cars and in ink; Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army) See also: Carlos Batts, April Flores, Adam & Eve Labels: april flores, carlos batts, comics, geekery, la cholita, san diego, sasha grey, the horror ¶ Tuesday, July 01, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, May 10, 2008
April Flores, Alix Lakehurst, and Mr. Skin
 Two of my favorite people talk with each other in a recent article on Mr. Skin.com.Alix Lakehurst interviewed April Flores for the Chicago-based mainstream movie nudity website and the Kiss Attack performer talked about working with Belladonna, idolizing Rita Hayworth, and being her own favorite porn star. Read the article here. Previously: April Flores: Diva; Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States; No Easter for Alix Lakehurst See also: April Flores: The Skinterview; April Flores, Alix Lakehurst Labels: alix lakehurst, april flores, bbw, belladonna, chicago, WGL ¶ Saturday, May 10, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, March 21, 2008
Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States
 HBO's "John Adams" miniseries is pretty compelling, though it inaccurately places the man who would become our second President at the scene of the Boston Massacre. Tom Wilkinson is brilliant as Ben Franklin, David Morse engaging as George Washington, the guy from "Oz" excellent as the guy from Pennsylvania, Laura Linney wonderful as Abigail Adams, and Paul Giamatti way better than he was in that god-awful pool movie with Opie's daughter.As I sat at home considering these things a thought came to me: "I have to go take another picture of Adrianna Nicole in a parking lot." My collection of pictures of Adrianna Nicole in parking lots is among the major achievements of my career as America's Beloved Porn Journalist. Tonight, while I watched John Adams wrestle with Philadelphia's horrible plague of dysentery in the summer of 1776, I knew that one of the freedoms guaranteed by Adams and the founders was manifested in Carlos Batts' Young Hollywood, in which Nicole has sex by venetian blinds. "Yeah, man," Batts said. "Adrianna's a trip."  The party was at Safari Sam's on Sunset Blvd. Guests listened to live music from bands featured in Young Hollywood and Batts' next movie, Kiss Attack, including a set from Batts' friends from Baltimore, Dirt & Bank."Yeah, man, "Batts said. "Dirt & Bank are a trip." Mandy Morbid proved that her default setting is winsome as she posed with Pride of Oregon Kimberly Kane. Kane, who is Young Hollywood's boxcover model, has yet to see the movie.  "You should," I said. "You're really naked in it.""I see all my movies," Morbid said. "I've only been in one." Because of "John Adams", I'd missed the bands. Apparently Glenn Danzig was there, as his yard had been used for Mandy Morbid's car-top tryst with Lystra, or trystra. But I didn't see him. "He was standing about one millimeter away from you," Batts told me. (Danzig is kind of short; Mika Tan told me this.)  A drunk and vaguely surly Benny Profane was on stage. He played Martin van Buren in the Adams movie. I saw Clown Porn's Dick Chibbles and Daisy Layne."Why clowns?" I probed. "People having sex is funny," Chibbles said (he lives in San Diego). "Clowns having sex is funnier." Actually, clowns having sex is horrifying. But not more than the atrocities committed by the British in its colonies, or what the Sons of Liberty regularly did to the Crown's tax collectors.  Also on hand were performer Van Damage and his wife, let's call her Cynthia Damage. I approve of this marriage."My girlfriend brought me to a swinger's party and I just found myself blowing him," she said, echoing Martha Washington.  Off in a corner representing Los Angeles were April Flores and her friend, La Cholita. Flores did much of the behind the scenes work in Young Hollywood and stars in Kiss Attack, where she leads a fleshy vampire army. How La Cholita figures into this I'm still unsure, but I'm glad she does."Looking good is being deadly," La Cholita said.  As I was about to leave, a parking lot materialized around Adrianna Nicole for her photo opportunity. It made me think of the tax collector in "John Adams"; she looked like she should be tarred and feathered, except not with tar and feathers, if you know what I mean.Read the Young Hollywood review here. Previously: Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army) See also: Carlos Batts, Adam & Eve, HBO's "John Adams" Labels: "kimberly kane", adrianna nicole, april flores, carlos batts, daisy layne, dick chibbles, events, la cholita, latin, mandy morbid, pinups, van damage, WGL ¶ Friday, March 21, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Monday, March 03, 2008
Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army)
 Carlos Batts has been making a movie that he calls "The Blade Runner of Porn," Kiss Attack. "This is the movie I want to be measured by," he said. "I'm really proud of it." Featuring burlesque dancers, luchadores, martial artists, a standup comedian for good measure, and as always, Batts' partner in crime April Flores, Kiss Attack is the not-difficult-to-follow story of the five daughters of Vlad Drakul, each of whom is armed with a lethal lipstick created by Drakul's henchman, Mr. Experiment. Experiment's son, VMMX, is twisted with jealousy over the attention his father pays to the ladies, and vows to destroy them with the help of his gang, the Fleshers. "I'm not alt," Batts said. "This is a totally new thing." Shot in Los Angeles, Kiss Attack also features original music and comic storyboarding in addition to stars Flores, Sasha Gray, Claudia Rossi, Sara Vandella, and Damon Pierce as Mr. Experiment, who totally stole my look. Claudia Rossi is Cleopatra. She doesn't look Egyptian, but who does anymore? Flores is Ms. Sangre. She is acting circles around her scene partner. This is my favorite picture. Cholita makes an excellent hood ornament.Previously: April Flores: Diva; At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; Report: Purchases of "Gene Simmons" sex tape limited to people who already find Gene Simmons repugnant See also: Carlos Batts Labels: april flores, bbw, carlos batts, cholita, claudia rossi, fotos, pinups, sara vandella, sasha grey, WGL, zaftig ¶ Monday, March 03, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
April Flores: Diva
 As you can see, April Flores can hit a high C without using her hands or her voice!Flores was in Hollywood with her husband, the director Carlos Batts, to promote Voluptuous Life, a sort of Lifestyles of the Abundantly Tasty that chronicles her various curvy exploits in L.A., San Francisco, and New York. I like Flores because we are both native Spanish speakers with flaming red hair, and because she and Batts prove an exception to the rule of successful, happy couples in porn. See more pictures after the gap.  The only time I had visited this studio space on Cole Ave. was my first on the set story after launching my website in 2005. All the sights and smells of the gangbang epic Six in Me came back as I stood drinking open bar liquor on the very spot where Jack Venice and Brian Surewood came on Terri Summers' face. I thought, if I could only have told Surewood and Venice then what we all know now, well, I would have got in the way of what eventually landed on the sweet Dutch Summers. Voluptuous Life, produced by Bad Seed, was being hyped along with the soft launch of Adam & Eve's new label, Independent Adult Cinema. Bad Seed is Adam & Eve's gonzo division, said marketing vice president Peter Reynolds, so Voluptuous Life and Joe Gallant's Skin Trade, both of which are not gonzo movies, would have been on the IAC label had it existed this summer.As it is, IAC's first official release will be a title directed by Joanna Angel, set to coincide with the AVN Expo next month.  Flores is the type of person people are happy to be around. There were women from all walks of life at the party, porn and non-porn, eager to push their breasts against hers. Kimberly Kane, Masuimi Max, and the delightful Cherry of Jumbo's Clown Room (high on the list of phrases I never imagined I would type), all gathered to join their breasts with those of Flores, as if her breasts reflected the bulk buying power of a Costco membership and they all wanted a shot at pallets of Raisinets. Adam and Eve, as you can see, is managed by men with trim facial hair and glasses. From left we see executives Wit Maverick, Bob Christian, and Peter Reynolds. These are the people who supply a good deal of the world's pornography; are you surprised they look so urbane?Voluptuous Life is available now. Previously: Barely Legal: Generations; Young Hollywood See also: Fatty D, Carlos Batts, Adam & Eve Labels: "adam and eve", "kimberly kane", april flores, asian, bbw, brian surewood, carlos batts, events, jack venice, legal, masuimi max, strippers, zaftig ¶ Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Friday, November 30, 2007
Industry continues to distance itself from altporn
 As predicted in these virtual pages as early as 2005, the video version of alternative porn that was labeled "altporn" to the dismay of altporn's actual Internet pioneers (but not Matt Zane, who never labeled what he did starting a decade ago), is being actively avoided by studios.The latest snub comes from Peter Reynolds of Adam & Eve who, in announcing the soft launch of the label IAC, or Independent Adult Cinema, stated that the new label's directors were "very alternative—but not ‘Alt.’" Reynolds headed VCA's sales department when that company ushered in video's version of altporn, which I called steveporn because "altporn" was a misnomer. Yes, I did that because I'm a fucking genius. Reynolds completed the distinction by saying that directors Carlos Batts (who just released Voluptuous Life), Joe Gallant, and Joanna Angel "have a different, more creative way of shooting adult.” More creative than whom was left unsaid. But the terms "Alternative" and "Independent" are pretty loose, too. I'm sure that there is somebody out there shooting Dali-esque corpse porn through a greasy ashtray mounted on a pinhole camera who would call Joe Gallant a tool of the establishment. Previously: At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts See also: Adam & Eve to launch IAC line at Voluptuous Life party (avn); Adam & Eve Labels: "adam and eve", april flores, carlos batts, events, steveporn ¶ Friday, November 30, 2007 2 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 02, 2007
April Flores con pasties
 If you like the April Flores like the world likes the April Flores, check out You Show Girl Burlesque this Saturday when Ms. Alter Ego takes the stage at Charlie O's at 501 South Spring Street downtown.Previously: So much more creative than doing lines off hookers; At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts See also: You Show Girl, April Flores Labels: april flores, carlos batts, events, strippers ¶ Thursday, August 02, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
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