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Thursday, April 23, 2009
Abby Winters' Intimate Moods: Now with a duck
 Australia's Abby Winters Pornographic Concern again presents a vaguely-titled study in corn-(or whatever grains they eat over there)fed women masturbating while bird sound effects co-mingle with their sploshing and grunting: "Intimate Moods." As you know, I'm into beaks, so naturally I tore into this DVD when I saw the duck on the cover. Needless to say I was horribly disappointed when the duck made no further appearances. Still, I always appreciate the naturally-lit self-gropefests that Abby Winters sends, even if the duck is a metaphor for the nonexistent Abby Winters (her)self. Plus, I have this couch.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Livingston Taylor at the Wombat Room See also: Abby Winters Labels: abby winters, australia, birds, masturbation, porn lesbians ¶ Thursday, April 23, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post 
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Faye Reagan partners with something called Little Mutt
 For some reason, freckle-bedappled Faye Reagan (seen here with Georgia Jones, who can't believe it either) has joined forces with an excellent website with the unfortunate name Little Mutt.Sort of an Abby Winters but with guys lurking in the shadows rather than dingoes, Little Mutt declares that its team doesn't "debase women nor are we misogynistic. We love women and what women do for each other and us." But why name your corn-fed and wholesome porn site "Little Mutt"? It's like when I opened a fabric store called Linens 'n' Shit, or my failed Mexican food franchise El Perro Muerte.  In any case, Reagan and Little Mutt have pledged to help each other out, with Reagan promoting the company "in worldwide appearances" and Little Mutt promoting Reagan in the way only a company with the name "Little Mutt" can. Their first joint venture will be the website PlaywithFaye.com, to be launched shortly.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: This Ain't the Partridge Family XXX; This girl is half his age; Nerd girls keep on truckin' See also: Little Mutt Labels: abby winters, faye reagan, faye valentine, freckles, Georgia Jones, websites ¶ Tuesday, April 21, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Kimberly Kane: Rainmaker
 Sweetheart of Portland Kimberly Kane channeled a little bit of the Scottish moors when she shot a scene recently with the UK's Harmony Films, making for a Southern California day that was tinged with mourning, regret, and the faraway bleating of sheep."Shoot it on her pussy hair, rub it up and down, then stick it in her ass," director Gazzman said, sounding just like Robert Burns. "You're a dirtbag," Kane said to her director, sounding like Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Kimberly Kane is an excellent director in her own right. If you don't believe me, watch her Live in My Secrets. But she was here as a hired holster on a beautiful Porn Valley day that, by virtue of her pale skin and newly (and originally) dark hair, made it seem like it was raining outside, waves were crashing against barren crags, and lighthouses were illuminating the way for Norman invaders. "You need me to stretch my asshole a little?" she said.  Elsewhere on set, Tori Black was discussing lingerie with Gazzman, who has brought the tradition of eating biscuits on porn sets to America, rather than smoking meth."I find biscuits are an excellent afternoon snack," he said, then put some underwear on his head. Harmony has its own stores in England, where it distributes American porn titles throughout Europe. Here, Harmony has recently begun handling its own distribution after several years with Evil Angel. The company sends a small crew to the U.S. every six months to shoot the dirtier, more glamorous American talent. "We'll also be going to Australia for the Sexpo," said Dave West, a Harmony director from Chicago. There they will shoot a couple of scenes with an Abby Winters girl gone good. And then the company will film scenes for another Porn Week, the event where fans get to interact with adult performers much less expensively than if they'd hired Anthony Pellicano to stalk them..  Back on set, Kane and DeSergio, who is British himself, are finishing up."Your dick is an enigma," Kane says to DeSergio. But she doesn't explain what she means, so it's like an enigma wrapped in an enigma. I became profoundly uncomfortable, as my own laser-focused sense of journalistic procedure behooved me to ask her to clarify, and I just didn't want to spend any time asking questions about penises. Finally I thought of you, and did my job. "Why is his penis an enigma?" I asked Kane. "Have your parts ever been described enigmatically before?" I asked DeSergio. "He was hard all the time he was fucking me," Kane said, "then he popped, and now he's still rock hard," she said. While appreciating that for the compliment I'm sure it was, both DeSergio and I realized he'd have to operate a motor vehicle soon, which would not be pleasant.  Kane stood by the window. She looked a little like Courtney Love playing Althea Flynt, without the Crazy. It was 80 degrees outside but she looked like she would be more at home, just as naked, in a house with rain falling on the roof. But it won't rain in L.A. for the next 10 months.But still... "Don't sit on the couch," Kane said, pointing to where she and DeSergio had just performed marital acts. "It's a little moist."
See also: Harmony Films, Kimberly Kane Labels: abby winters, dave west, england, gazzman, harmony films, interviews, Kimberly Kane, set visits, tony desergio, tori black ¶ Tuesday, March 31, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
2008 in Review: Most in need of a creative consultant
Abby Winters
 I award because I love. These fleshy Sapphic Australians squish and frot together with their armpit hair, belly rolls, tribal tattoos, Linda Koslowski aspirations, Lord of the Rings-adjacent accents, mannish underpants, flushed cheeks, natural breasts, and an amazing ability to pick the most boring titles ever.Hidden Desires? It sounds like a Skinemax movie that ends up having Peter Coyote in it. I just now realized I wrote about this before. But I am not one of those people who criticizes without offering solutions. Fly me to Australia, "Abby Winters," and I will reveal the secrets of naming porn titles so that people don't think you're trying to sell them living room furniture with an upholstered compartment for the remote controls. Not going to fly me to Australia? Fair dinkum. Dingoes ate my baby anyway, and Gulpilil owes me money. I'll tell you for free: Simply substitute one word in any AC/DC song with a part of the female anatomy and you'll have a surefire sales juggernaut. I can't wait to watch Sydney's fleshy finest romping through "Dirty [Vulvas} Done Dirt Cheap" or "For Those About To {Funbags}, We Salute You." Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Livingston Taylor at the Wombat Room; Oi my aching back; Cultural learnings of the Abby Winters girls See also: Abby Winters Labels: 2008, abby winters, australia, geekery, pop ¶ Tuesday, December 30, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Livingston Taylor at the Wombat Room
 Lou-Ellyn is not dead; she's just bored with the title of the movie she's in.I reviewed Abby Winters.com's masturbation epic Intimate Temptations for the website Fleshbot and can't stop thinking about it. What kind of name for a porn movie is Intimate Temptations? It sounds like a cookie store at the mall. A porn movie deserves a better title, lest someone think it's not a film featuring women masturbating each other to orgasm but instead a General Foods International Coffee or the lounge at the Sheraton where every Tuesday night Dreamboat Annie, a Heart cover band, plays to eight or nine people, which include Dreamboat Annie.  It turns out Intimate Temptations was a consensus title. Because I am America's Beloved Muckraking Porn Journalist, I flew to Australia (John Travolta was my Qantas pilot/Scientology auditor) and unearthed Abby Winters.com internal documents to discover several rejected titles:Erotic Moods Warm Feelings Sensual Glances Pleasant Fondlings Lazy Afternoons Vibrating Passions Strollin' in the Colon Damp Folds Heated Flooring Earnest Rubbings  As you can see, there is plenty to recommend this movie, which makes the title tragedy greater. Imagine Nick Cave releasing an album called Intimate Temptations.See? You can't do it. Watch Intimate Temptations now. Buy Intimate Temptations now. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Oi my aching back; Cultural learnings of the Abby Winters girls See also: Abby Winters Labels: abby winters, australia, masturbation, new porn daily, outrage, porn lesbians ¶ Wednesday, November 19, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Abby Winters: Oi my aching back
 I imagine the women of Australia's Abby Winters studio blithely masturbating themselves into a Girls Only/sex positive stupor as outside dingos eat their babies and Jane Campion lurks with a camera, trying to capture them peeing.But I had trouble with the boxcover copy for their latest movie, Real Girls, Real Orgasms:Twelve Australian amateur babes masturbating to an intense climax. There’s no one else in the room but you. The girls moan in ecstasy, caressing and squeezing their writing bodies. Wet fingers, ached backs and glistening thighs show you exactly how real Australian amateurs get off.  What did it mean, "caressing and squeezing their writing bodies"? And why should I care about their backaches? It's not like those nice Maori didn't offer to carry their piano from the beach, even if that beach was in New Zealand, not Australia. Scanning the disc, I saw no one writing at all. If anything, they just talked about koalas.Again with the goddamn koalas. And Gulpilil. David Gulpilil's spirit pervades this movie. Watch Real Girls, Real Orgasms here Buy Real Girls, Real Orgasms here Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Cultural learnings of the Abby Winters girls See also: Abby Winters Labels: abby winters, australia, boxcover, masturbation, porn lesbians ¶ Wednesday, October 22, 2008 5 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Girls Loving Girls (but filmed by girl-loving guys)
 Just today I learned definitively, despite the direct and contradicting quote from its star, that the story behind a celebrity sex tape I'd reviewed was a fib."Does the story even matter?" sputtered the celebrity's handlers. "Yes, in that people will buy an otherwise unremarkable DVD because of the story you used to sell it," I said. Recent porn stories have paralleled mainstream incidents of fraudulent behavior, and in each case the person caught in the falsehood will downplay it by saying that the context doesn't matter, just the content. If that is so, then why tell the story in the first place? Guest reviewer Larry Smathers reviewed Abby Winters' Girls Loving Girls. After meeting the delicious Abby Winters girls in January, I got a lot of comments and e-mail about how Abby Winters doesn't and never did exist, despite a backstory about Winters the porn-positive female photographer who wanted to make a difference. That the company is run by a guy does not take away from the fact that "Abby Winters" has a good thing going, so the question remains: Why tell the lie in the first place? Because, you know, if people buy the product based on the false story you tell to sell it, you're committing fraud. Read the review here. Previously: Cultural learnings of the Abby Winters girls See also: Abby Winters Labels: abby winters, australia, larry smathers, minireview, porn lesbians ¶ Wednesday, March 05, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Cultural learnings of the Abby Winters girls
 Prior to today I had never heard of Abby Winters or the women in her employ. But when I happened upon several grain-fed, exuberant, barefoot Australian girls frolicing on a rolling expanse of Astroturf, I realized something had been wrong with my life beforehand. Seriously wrong.I immediately began pumping them for information, as it's no longer legal to pump them for kangaroos. Q. Is INXS without Michael Hutchence really INXS? A. They should be ashamed to call themselves INXS. Q. What do they call Outback Steakhouse in Australia? "Steakhouse"? A. I've never heard of it. Q. What have you done with Yahoo Serious? A. I think he's in a gutter. Q. Dirty Deeds... A. ...DONE DIRT CHEAP! We were born knowing those words. Q. When you all get together in one room, what happens? A. We roll all over each other. Q. What is your favorite American expression? A. "For shizzle." Previously: Products for your down under from down under Labels: abby winters, australia, avn08, interviews, WGL ¶ Thursday, January 10, 2008 12 Comments Links to this post
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