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Thursday, July 02, 2009
Lindsey Lohan celebrated pornographically
 Here are Scarlett Fay and Nicole Ray (no relation even though they rhyme) as Lindsey Lohan and Scarlett Johannsen, respectively, in a Richard Monfort-directed Hustler project.Today is Lindsey Lohan's 23rd birthday, and I feel this porn treatment is exactly five years too late.
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Strollin' in the Colon See also: Hustler Labels: hustler, nicole ray, richard de montfort, scarlett fay, set visits, WGL ¶ Thursday, July 02, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post 
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Noname Jane: The cross and the pentagram
 It was a pleasure seeing Noname Jane at Erotica L.A. this weekend. I didn't notice at the time that she was wearing a pentagram, but that might have been the way Satan wanted it.I first met Noname Jane under a different name (I was then known as Ronnie James Dio) in 2006 at the Erotic Exotic Ball in San Francisco. The event is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year so I was looking at my old daguerrotypes.  Here she is being crucified onstage in front of 3,000 people. The more things change...UPDATE: "I wear a pentagram most of the time," said Jane, "and I'm wearing it in most of my movies. That and my butterfly are how my fans recognize me because I change my hair (and with it, my appearance) so much. I almost didn't wear it that day, but as soon as we pulled up to Erotica LA and saw the protesters, I put it on." "You rabble rouser," I said. "They usually won't bother with you if you're wearing a pentagram," Jane said. UPDATE 2: Not to get all David Letterman/Sarah Palin (especially because Noname Jane was not offended by the joke), but Ms. Jane is not a Satanist. Her tastiness might be diabolical, but that is not her fault. Read the comments (thanks, Outis) for a description of what the pentagram means. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Noname Jane to start working with John Does again; Noname Jane is born as Violet Blue departs See also: Exotic Erotic Ball; Noname Jane Labels: BDSM, ela09, events, fetish, interviews, noname jane, san francisco, Satan, WGL ¶ Tuesday, June 16, 2009 4 Comments Links to this post
Monday, June 01, 2009
Sindee's Choice
 Sindee Jennings attended an all-girls school for five years, so she knows about difficult choices. Here we find her on the set of Hustler's Hollywood's Nailin' Palin facing a dilemma: Get dressed or one more round with these vibrators?Like you probably already guessed, merciful Fate loaned a hand by pointing out that Jennings was already wearing no pants.  Julianne Moore was similarly bottomless in 1993's "Short Cuts," but there were fewer choices offered to women then.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Nailin' Paylin for America; My This Ain't Gilligan's Island Journal See also: Hustler Labels: hustler, set visits, sindee jennings, WGL ¶ Monday, June 01, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Nicole Ray just is
 It's the web, right? So I want to do something other than say things like "Nicole Ray is hot" or "Nicole Ray is from the vicinity of Carbondale, Illinois" when I write about her.I want to give you a website to go to. I want to tell you where she might be dancing. I want to tell you where you can keep track of her movements online. But I can't do any of these things, for Nicole Ray leaves no digital footprint whatsoever. Go ahead - Google her. 311,000 hits? Whatever. Not one of those is her own website.  It is as if she doesn't even exist except on my black couch. Or in the memory of fellow rooters for the Eagles, her high school's mascot.One thing is certain: the little indentations she left on the couch? They were purchased by tourists. How do you secure rights to an indentation, a lack of space? I guess you could find out on its lack of a website. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: The Violation of Kylie Ireland Labels: absence, because, illinois, nicole ray, WGL ¶ Wednesday, May 27, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
On location at Mika Tan's double penetration negotiations
 Mika Tan starred in the first porn movie I ever saw being filmed, which might have been the first porn movie I ever saw. And she was great then, too.Today on the set of Ernest Greene's The Perfect Secretary: Training Day, Tan suggested ways for costars Marco Banderas and Chris Cannon to make an irregular fraction of her.  "First off, this desk is gonna break," she said. Indeed, the office furniture that Banderas and Cannon were double-teaming her on seemed to have been purchased at El Ikea in Tijuana. The threesome decided to adjourn to a pair of pleather chairs. "How much DP do we have?" asked Greene of the crew. In order to both market and edit a porn movie, there must be a certain amount of time allotted for each position and in angles both "hard" and "soft," so that there can be a useable cable version."We need four more minutes," said cameraman Ralph Parfait. "OK," Tan said, corralling her costars. "You bang me here and you stand over here. I'll stand this way and hold on to the wall? Then we'll get on the chair."  After a minute of this, it became clear that both Tan and Cannon were uncomfortable (Banderas was on a chair)."Allright," Tan said to Banderas. "I'll lie back on you and Chris will put his leg up there..."  This also worked for a minute but Tan became concerned that she was grinding her tailbone into Banderas' chest (despite his pain, Banderas was great about offering numerous thumbs up signs to the camera, a gesture that always draws viewers in to the special world porn performers inhabit)."I feel like I'm crushing you with my vestigial tail," Tan said. At this point Nina Hartley, who was working as production manager, rushed in and Baby-Wiped everyone who needed it. "The taint is a Go," she said.  Finally (and just in time for Easter) both guys dropped loads on Tan's chest as she leaned back in a cruciform position. It was a high output day."I've been holding that for two hours," Cannon said.  It's important to point out, if you didn't know this already, that porn is taxing work for everyone involved. As much as you want to have sex with Mika Tan and do horrible/wonderful things to all her cushiony places, it is an effort to do so 1.) on office furniture, 2.) under hot lights, 3.) in sweaty tandem with another dude, and 4.) not arc your descendants in a ropy volley within 45 seconds of her dress coming off.And for Tan? "My ass is sore," she said. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Mika Tan Fights for America, Whores, and the Right to Film Sex with Asian Men; The Cropping and flogging of O See also: Adam & Eve, Mika Tan, Marco Banderas, Nina Hartley Labels: "adam and eve", chris cannon, ernest greene, marco banderas, mika tan, nina hartley, set visits, WGL ¶ Wednesday, April 01, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post
Au revoir, Voyageur Tina Tyler
 Tina Tyler goes on extended hiatus today, and we wish her well. Laden down with a floor-length fox fur coat from her friend and boss Lexington Steele, Tyler pointed her car out of Porn Valley early this morning.As the poet said: "Le coucher du soleil, il vaut mieux prendre soin si je trouve que vous avez été rampante autour de mon escalier!"I hope she finds some cold weather for the coat's sake. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Tina Tyler - only immoral for a limited time See also: Tina Tyler, The Shooting of Dan McGrew Labels: "tina tyler", canada, lexington steele, WGL ¶ Wednesday, April 01, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
What We Talk About When We Talk About Kagney Linn Karter
 Kagney Linn Karter was on the set of Not Married with Children XXX as was this collection of Raymond Carver short stories, for some reason. And, like Julianne Moore in Robert Altman's Carver adaptation "Short Cuts," Karter was wearing no pants.The story "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" is about four people having a conversation on a sunlit, gin-soaked afternoon. Karter, hailing from Missouri, is herself sunlit and would soon be soaked with a liquid of greater viscosity than gin. And that's where - aside from the similarity of their last names - all comparisons between Carver and Karter end.  Because I could give a fuck about Carver's Mel the blabbermouth cardiologist and Terri and Nick and Laura when instead I've got a naked soon-to-be-22-year-old bent in interesting positions on a leopard-print chair.There are priorities.  (I include the above clothed picture of Karter drying her toenails just to prove I can keep from posting naked pictures of her.)Karter is of a build that I would imagine her loved ones always trying to keep her from taking off her clothes at every opportunity to bring in the cat, reposition the satellite dish, or debate Jehovah's Witnesses. And it was for this reason, too, that I found myself asking, of all questions, "Have you ever been to Branson?" "No," she said. "You're about 38 years too young for it, anyway," I said.  I've no doubt that if I had but asked, Karter would have taken off her shoes, jewelry, and nail polish so that she could be more naked. At that point I would have burned the book, too.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Strollin' in the Brolin See also: Kagney Linn Karter Labels: kagney linn karter, literature, set visits, WGL ¶ Tuesday, March 17, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Into the woods with Moxxie Maddron
 People say, "Grams, that Las Vegas porn convention must be oozing with sensuality. Are people just fucking out in the open? Do the fountains run with lube?"I am sorry to say that it is not like it used to be, when all of those things happened, when I would be greeted at Primm by harlots wearing nothing but smiles and chlamydia. That is why Moxxie Maddron was a breath of fresh air this year. Here she is with a potted plant at the Erotic Heritage Museum. And I say: That plant is a lucky bastard.  While everyone else in Vegas felt compelled to dress like they were Scarlet O'Hara or on their way out for iced coffee, there was no doubt about what Moxxie was up to.Lucky bastard plant. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Extreme Holly's Extreme Perspective; Slave 01 See also: Moxxie Maddron, Erotic Heritage Museum Labels: avn09, moxxie maddron, WGL ¶ Wednesday, March 04, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Ryder Skye and obsolete technology
 "Every time we move it is a nightmare," said Ryder Skye of this gorgeous 36" CRT television weighing 105 lbs.It was just a few years ago that only douchebags owned flatscreen televisions, the status lights of their TVs blinking in unison with their bluetooth headsets, but now plasmas and LCDs are everywhere, and the noble big-ass TV is left to sit lumpenly in forgotten corners of the house, a spider plant covering the Gaussian stain on the screen near where you accidentally left a speaker on top of it. But Skye, who is next week moving from Porn Valley to Hollywood (or what realtors are now calling Porn Valley Adjacent) just wanted to get the TV out of her house and attempted to move it herself. "That was a mistake," she said. "But I was impatient."  Skye, who might be exactly the same weight as her ex-television, pulled it off a breasts-high shelf, realized her error, and sliced through a nerve in her finger while setting it down."I had to stick my finger in Lindsey Meadows' vagina to ease the pain," she said. Skye's diligent little accessory dog, Saki, carried her to safety. Perhaps if this were the photo accompanying Skye's Craigslist ad for the "vintage" television she'd have had more takers. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Ryder Skye and Roxy DeVille menage to redeem Sex And the City movie See also: Ryder Skye Labels: lindsey meadows, Ryder Skye, technology, WGL ¶ Tuesday, February 24, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Bobbi Starr: Heart in the clouds, head in the toilet
 Is it a crush if you want someone to put your head down a toilet while he fucks you? Bobbi Starr refers to it as an infatuation."Lorelei (Lee) and I were walking down a hotel hallway in Las Vegas two years ago when I met Rocco Siffredi," said Starr, who recently helped Siffredi come out of retirement by way of an American Standard Cadet Right Height™ Pressure-Assisted Elongated Toilet. "And my knees melted. Just a little." At the time, Starr has just performed a scene with European performer Jazz Duro, who was Siffredi's friend. "Jazz said to Rocco, 'Here's the girl I was telling you about,"" Starr said. "And Rocco actually said, 'The music teacher? Can you teach me music?'" In Starr's torrid and debauched other life, she is a professional oboeist. "I just wanted to shake his hand," Starr said. "There's some people who just touch you and you know that you want to fuck them. I felt the same way about Princess Donna." It is for this reason I never touch Starr. I prefer our relationship to be a Shroedinger's Box of possibilities, and for her to feel down to her netherest tingly parts that the Cat is alive and well. Recently Siffredi shot several scenes in Los Angeles for his comeback movie, and Starr was called. "But I wouldn't be performing with him," Starr said. "I'd just be in the movie. I thought, 'OK, well I'll at least be in the same room, maybe." But Starr's natural NoCal enthusiasm brought a little bit of magic to the set that day. "I was in a boy/girl/girl scene with Mark Davis and, after Mark finished, the other girl went away and I was in the room with Rocco," she said. "And I just wanted to fuck him." "On screen or off screen?" I said, making sure not to make physical contact. "At this point I feel like I can really enjoy sex on screen, too," Starr said. "There are differences, but not so many. I would enjoy having sex with Rocco camera or no camera." So they had sex.  "Rocco always does an intro with a little bit of POV BJ if you're lucky," Starr said. "He started out with me walking back and forth and then he walked up with the camera and started talking to me about how Jazz told him some things about me. He was being vague. Finally, I figured out what he was referring to and I asked, 'Oh are you talking about how I tell Jazz all the time that I want you to fuck me?'(Bobbi Starr seems demure and marmish, but she is not.) "We did some POV BJ and then he moved onto the next girl" Starr continued. "I ran inside and jumped on top of Jazz and JaySin and hugged Jazz and said, 'Thank you thank you thank you!' Mark, the other girl and myself did our scene and then at the end Rocco was supposed to come in and pop on us as well. To my surprise, he walked in and started fucking me. Everyone left the set except for Rocco, myself, and the camera guy. It was incredible! Rocco asked me where my friend went (aka the other girl in the scene) and I said, in a whimpery tone, 'I don't know. I think I scared her.'" I will not bore/titillate you with my own porn star history, but in the period of my life where I sought out and engaged the pornstresses I liked, the results were always great but they still never compared to the non-adult personality interludes I have now. "So how was it?" I said, feeling less like America's Beloved Porn Journalist and more like someone clipping Starr's cuticles at the nail station. "It was awesome," she said. "What will the movie be called?" I said. "When is it coming out?" "I have no idea," she said. But it took a trip to the bathroom for Starr's star-struckedness to be fully realized.  Siffredi had told her about a scene in which he had fucked a partner while dunking her head in the toilet ("He first did it to some French girl," Starr said. "He couldn't remember her name") and he encouraged Starr to talk about it in the scene because he wanted Toni Ribas to recreate it with her."You want that to happen?" Rocco said. "Yes," Starr said. But Siffredi didn't know Starr wanted him to put her head down the toilet, just that she wanted it done. "I suspect Rocco had hoped that I would ask him to put my head in the toilet because there was a moment (in the interview) when I felt he alluded to it," she said. I'll add here that now and then I remember how shiny and new certain sexual behaviors seemed and how, when I first encountered them, I might have been less objective than I should have been. I have learned in recent years to focus on the person rather than the behavior, and that has made for better stories, I think.  But, just so you know, I would never have pegged Starr to be the type of person who likes her head down a toilet, no matter who is putting it there. For one thing, I imagine she's scared that percussive contact with the toilet enamel might impair her ability to handle an oboe reed."Breaking my teeth is one of my biggest fears," Starr said. "This thought passed through my mind the entire time we were working." When she had dried herself off from Ribas, Siffredi asked Starr how she liked the scene. "It was great," she said, "but I wanted you to put my head down the toilet." It was then that Rocco Siffredi understood. He gently took her hand, bent her over, and savagely fucked her while dunking her head in the toilet.  It is so rare that we get exactly what we want. Some of life's beauty is in the compromises we make, the paths we take around what was once our goal. But Starr got just what she wanted that day."Did Rocco whisper endearments to you afterward?" I said. "He said it would take a tank to destroy me," she said. (Images are of Bobbi Starr at Porn Week, at the XBiz 2009 Awards, and at the Surrender of 0 Party between Ava Rose and Mika Tan and being groomed by Aiden Starr [no relation]) Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Lesbians and civil rights infringement; Even professionals benefit from dildo etiquette; The Cropping and flogging of O; Postcard from Porn Week; Defend Our Porn See also: Bobbi Starr on MySpace Labels: aiden starr, Ava Rose, bobbi starr, evil angel, interviews, jazz duro, lorelei lee, mika tan, princess donna, rocco siffredi, toilet, WGL ¶ Thursday, February 19, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Morning Wood with Nicki Hunter
 As Nicki Hunter is a humanitarian, I asked her what she does when she encounters Morning Wood on her partner, Josh."Oh, I rub up and down on it with my ass, like it's a lap dance," she said. "Do you feel a sense of personal responsibility?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "Morning Wood to me is wonderful. If I can jump on that big little pumpstick I just do. I think it's my job."  Because porn performers apply life sciences more aggressively than the general population, I asked Hunter for the science behind the phenomenon, and why we don't hear too much about Night Wood."When you're going to bed," she said, "your body secretes a hormone that tells your non-essential functions to shut down. In the morning you get another burst of chemicals that turns things on." She said she learned this on the Discovery Channel. "...and that includes your penis," she said. In this bicentennial year of Charles Darwin's birth, does Hunter think there is an evolutionary component to Morning Wood that has contributed to the survival of our species?  "I'll take it one step further," she said. "If you're a caveman and you start fucking in the morning, you can have ten females inseminated by the end of the day, as opposed to blowing your whole load at night," she said, adding: "Caveman cock hard."Matutolagnia, which is a medical term meaning increased sexual desire in the morning, is taken from the Latin roots "matuto-" (morning) and 'lagnia" (lust). "Lagnia" is related to the Latin word for wood, which is "lignum." What I'm saying is that this isn't just something that my Close Personal FriendTM Nicki Hunter and I share - it's been happening for, like, decades. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Upstairs/downstairs with Tatiana Kush and Nicki Hunter; PSK gets wood See also: Nicki Hunter on MySpace Labels: "nicki hunter", charles darwin, interviews, MILF, science, the ass, WGL ¶ Thursday, February 05, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sarah Vandella makes me feel like a replicant
 There were about 40 (I'd say) missed opportunities and connections at this year's AVN Expo, one of the biggest of which was bumping into Pride of Long Island Sarah Vandella then never seeing her again.We both had to go our separate ways! And lead our separate lives! But there by the Evil Angel booth! We met! And then - nothingness.  All those moments will be lost in time like tears in the rain.Previously on Porn Valley Observed: We Shall Overcome (on your face) Labels: avn09, geekery, sara vandella, WGL ¶ Friday, January 23, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tina Tyler: Only immoral for a limited time
 "I'm jumping in with both feet behind my head," said Tina Tyler, retired from performing these past five years but who now, at 43, has returned to selling her body for your pleasure.But why the tiny window? The agoraphobe once described as The Thinking Man's Porn Star will only be on the market and available for scenes until March 31. "In November of 2006 I went to Hawaii for a week," she said. "Prior to that I hadn't taken a vacation in 20 years. On April 1, I will go on a well-deserved vacation." And coming out of retirement for two months is a good way to get lots of cab fare for her trip across America and points Great White North. Public Service Announcement:
Tyler retired in 2003 because it was becoming apparent at the time, she said, that "growing old in porn had become such a huge sin. "And the MILF and Cougar niches hadn't arrived," she said. "It's strange how quickly aging turned into a marketable taboo." Tyler has maintained a Yahoo group for years, and last September decided to test the waters by finally giving in to fans' gentle but persistent prodding. She performed scenes with Jon Jon and Marco Banderas, two performers she'd shot extensively for her "Handyman" series. "After that, I called Lisa Ann and told her to sign me up." Lisa Ann's Talent has become, as Tyler says, "the go-to place for quality MILFs." I asked Tyler if she was going to stand there, look me in the eye, and tell me that she had borne offspring and was officially a MILF. "No, but I'm old enough to be the mother of half the girls I've shot," she said. Or maybe all the girls she's shot - who is she kidding? But when she decided to quit performing, Tyler wanted a safety net. "I took every production assistant job I could find, shot Behind the Scenes stuff, went and picked up every cum rag so that I could effectively transition into a behind the camera role in the business." Then she got a call from Lexington Steele. "Lexington is a dear friend and a sweet, sweet man," Tyler told me in an earlier interview. "We'd just go to movies together. (Regular movies.) And he asked me if I'd work for him." Their friendship led to a successful working relationship. Tyler took over the new girl line "Fresh Out the Box" and created the solo male series "Handyman." "We say we shoot it for women," Tyler said at the time, "but I wouldn't be at all surprised if the main audience is gay men." Tyler would often provide visual stimulation for her solo male performers by directing topless. "It's a service I provide," she said. So what is it like being back in front of the camera? "Well, it's the possibility inherent in all these young men that is so enticing to me," she said. "I think, 'What will this one be capable of doing in 20 years?'" Oh, Tina Tyler, I'm so capable right now. "But it was very strange tapping into that part of me again," she said. "I don't know if you'd call it an affectation, but I really needed to switch gears and remember that I'm sexy."  Her first outing was a P.O.V. blowjob scene with Pat Myne, but I talked with her as she was walking into her first full-on younger man/older woman pairing for a site called CougarsInHeat.com."What's his name?" I said. "Some guy named Alex, I think," she said (already having recaptured the porn star's understanding of the real hierarchy in the adult business). Tina Tyler is famously introverted, and this drives her fans insane. "I really didn't get into this business to become famous," she said. "I honestly thought I'd maintain some kind of anonymity and insulation. "But then Jenna Jameson came along and screwed it up for everybody." But even though Tyler is returning at a time when demand for MILF/Cougar movies is high, she is not looking at this as a long-term comeback. "That's why it's 'Act Now!'" Tyler said. "Because supplies won't last. Mark your calendars, boys." Tyler kept the window short because she knew the temptation to stay longer would become stronger quickly. She also has to juggle performing with her directing duties. "In this business you feel guilty for taking vacations," she said. "You feel bad if you don't say Yes to any work that comes along. So I'm going to work really hard for the next two months until I really feel I deserve a vacation. I plan to be exhausted." So what has the experience been like so far? "How do you think it's been?" she said. "I am sexually voracious. Because I really had to clean the cobwebs off." Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Tina Tyler talks about Angel Dare; Tina Tyler refuses to stop being hot See also: Tina Tyler at Clips4Sale Labels: "tina tyler", cougar, interviews, jenna jameson, jon jon, lisa ann, marco banderas, MILF, pat myne, rush, strippers, WGL ¶ Wednesday, January 21, 2009 1 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Orgasms from all the best angles
 Nina Hartley and Jamye Waxman will host seminars on various means of attaining, sustaining, and delivering orgasms to the needy this weekend at the Adult Entertainment Expo.I have seen both women speak (and act) on this compelling subject and each puts her own spin on it. Hartley, so long deprived of orgasms, believes that everyone deserves them, so her lectures are often filled with gentle prodding to go out and have an orgasm now, and demand nothing less. Hartley speaks from 3:30 to 4:30 on Friday. Waxman who, like me, does not have sex for a living (she analyzes it while I inspire it) will speak on Saturday from noon to 1. I asked Waxman to tell me something about the vagina. Not hers, but the Universal Vagina (which I think is next to Citywalk). "The first third of the vagina is the most sensitive part of the vagina," Waxman said. "You mean the first third from the street entrance, or from shipping?" I said, taking notes. "From the front," she said. "In fact, you can operate on the back two thirds without anesthesia (not that you'd want to), so next time you're thinking of trying to give her an orgasm during intercourse, odds are better if you don't thrust as deeply." "So maybe I could hover above her on little jets implanted in my hands and feet," I said, "and just dip into her like an oil well?" "Yes." Hartley and Waxman join forces on Sunday at noon to discuss how porn sex is different and similar to "real" sex. I will be on my way home in an ambulance by then, but if I were to go to that seminar I would ask if there is any hard data among couples that porn sex has influenced their own wholesome marital activities. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Jamye Waxman - the female you; Nina Hartley's Great Sex During Pregnancy See also: Adam & Eve, Jamye Waxman, Nina Hartley Labels: "adam and eve", avn09, events, jamye waxman, nina hartley, WGL ¶ Wednesday, January 07, 2009 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, December 29, 2008
Out of frame with Eva Dior
 First the most important thing: For the next eight days the Porn Valley talent agency ATM-LA will be charging a paltry $900 for Boy/Girl scenes. This is a substantial discount from the going rate and addresses the traditional work slowdown between Christmas and the beginning of the AVN convention in January.So, for example, the likes of Sarah Shine, Tyla Wynn, and Kenzie Marie can be, as they say, "had" for 10 percent off what these delicious treats on legs expect from Martin Luther King Jr. Day all the way through the Advent calendar. I assume that this $900 doesn't cover anal, however. Now on to the trenchant observations you've come to expect from this site in lieu of news substitutes and poorly-written press releases: Eva Dior. Dios mio. The middle picture reminds me of "all those nooks and crannies to hold the melted butter" that is the hallmark of Thomas's English Muffins. But just as I'm deeply concerned about what can go on and inside Eva Dior, each picture of her leaves open to the imagination what is happening just outside the frame, perhaps standing near the couch, suggesting her every move. I consulted GramPonante.com Spirit World emissary Nostrilingus and he said there were a host of things just beyond our terrestrial/mortal view, including: 
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Lori Lust Agency explodes, survivor writes press release; The Once And Future Lenora Dulce; Mapquesting Mahlia Milan's mixed messages See also: ATM Agency Labels: agency, eva dior, geekery, kenzie marie, latin, lovecraft, new talent, sarah shine, tyla wynn, WGL ¶ Monday, December 29, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, November 17, 2008
Long shots: Young Girls with Big Tits
 It must have seemed like an art film or something, one of those Charlie Kaufman/Wes Anderson movies, except with porn. I can imagine the pitch meeting.Director So my writing partner and I have an idea.Producer Hit me.Director "Young girls with big tits."PAUSE Producer That's it? They're young and they have big tits?Director - and they're girls -Producer So girls with big tits? I don't know. No trannies? No tattoos?Director One of them might have a tattoo, like a butterfly, somewhere...PAUSE Producer Dave Navarro's not in it?Director We read him, but he's not right for the -Producer Sorry, boys, I don't see much of a market for young girls with big tits. It seems like a think piece. Why don't you take it over to Red Light District? They do the brainy stuff.Director But I want New Sensations to be my creative home...(and - SCENE)  I have no idea how Cassandra Calogera makes it through a single day without pawing herself to death, I really don't.Watch Young Girls with Big Tits 5 now. Buy Young Girls with Big Tits 5 now. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Chubby Twats - an important film; On the road with Alix Lakehurst; Hirsch's Heavies heave haunches heavenward See also: New Sensations Labels: boobs, cassandra calogera, new porn daily, new sensations, WGL, zaftig ¶ Monday, November 17, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Monday, November 03, 2008
Tits N' Ass: Why has no one thought of this before?
 "I'm coming," says Sarah Vandella in Tits N' Ass from Adam & Eve, though we see no evidence of it. "You're making me come." What director David Lord has done in this movie is nothing short of extraordinary. In choosing to place only one apostrophe aside a letter that would normally have required two, Lord has released a movie that, despite having Tits and Ass in the title, is an original product. And then there's Vandella's coming. She looks so good that you want to believe anything she says, but she does nothing physically to demonstrate it. It's like when I say "I'm not an alcoholic." Perhaps she was lying, maybe even knowingly making false statements to the camera, but I still wanted to place my franks n' beans as close to Vandella as I could.Watch Tits N' Ass here Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Kiss Attack; ...but not the Kiss Army See also: Adam N' Eve Labels: "adam and eve", cockblocker, david lord, new porn daily, sara vandella, WGL ¶ Monday, November 03, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, October 27, 2008
Help Angelina Armani learn to love L.A.
 Angelina Armani is Digital Playground's newest contract performer. I met her while I was walking through Hollywood, solving crimes."I've just been here two months," she said. She moved here from New York and was approached by Digital Playground operatives after they saw her in the crowd at last month's Pirates 2 premiere. "Actually, I was at a Starbucks in Sherman Oaks even earlier than that and (Digital Playground co-owner) Joone saw me. When I went in for the interview he even described what I had been wearing." I asked Armani if, in order to get her contract, she had to have a Highlander-style showdown with Shay Jordan, whom I've heard is no longer with the company (and who doesn't appear on the Pirates 2 boxcover). "Why?" she said. "What have you heard?"  I hadn't heard anything, actually, but, as I was told by Digital Playground's publicist, "it's not like we send out a press release when we terminate someone's contract." I thought it would have been interesting to at least see an 8 Mile-style rap-off."I notice that trademark symbol hanging above your head. Have you ever performed as anyone other than Armani?" I asked. "No," she said, "Monday will be Angelina ArmaniTM's first movie." "OK." A few months ago, I was talking with Porn Valley mover and shaker Alexander "Monstar" Raymond and he was telling me all about this new woman he was representing named Arianna Armani. "She's beautiful," he said, and showed me her picture on his iPhone device. So, when Armani signed her Digital Playground contract she changed her first name. While the whole useless manipulation of information thing gets me down vis a vis porn companies, in this particular case it is fortuitous, because I am going to begin performing as Arianna Armani. Regardless of what her name is, Armani is delightful. But she needs your help. She lives in Studio City-adjacent, but doesn't know the territory. She relies on other people to drive her around. Where should she go for the best hamburger? Coffee? Movies? Where should she buy her accessory dog? What is the best pie at Hoiuse of Pies? Who is a trustworthy bail bondsman? Where can she get the best New York-style pizza? Are there bars where it is safe to be a Yankees fan? Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Shay Jordan rechristened Shay J; Stoya finds cigarettes, pierogies in Philadelphia; Thomas AquinasTM becomes Digital Playground contract saint See also: Angelina Armani Labels: "contract girls", angelina armani, Digital Playground, new talent, new york, shay j, WGL ¶ Monday, October 27, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tyler Faith to relieve Daisuke "by any means necessary"
 Pride of Saugus Tyler Faith is back in Boston for tonight's pivotal Game 5 of baseball's ALCS matchup between the Red Sox and the Tampa Bay Rays."Why did you drop the 'Devil' from your name?" Faith taunted the upstart Tampa team. "What have you got to hide? Who is the real Tampa? Is there even a Bay?" Faith, a porn star who has dated most of the starting lineups of Boston's professional sports teams, as well as that of the Atlanta Braves ("for historical purposes") will also be dancing at Peabody's infamous Golden ("It don't mean a thing 'less you leave in a sling") Banana this weekend. Faith is just old enough to remember the days when the Red Sox had not won a World Series in 86 years. "Those were wicked dahk times, kid," she said. Despite the Red Sox having easily clinched two World Series victories in 2004 and 2007, a feeling of "this could end at any minute" still hangs over the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. And the sense of impending doom is pervasive and leads to irresponsible behavior. "For example," Faith said, "people want to believe the Golden Banana is in Saugus when it's actually in Pea-bdy. It's not propah to shoot people in Pea-bdy, so they pretend it's in Saugus." Faith will help out the home team in any way she can. She has even offered to replace Red Sox starter Daisuke Matsuzaka if things get too "dicey." "I'm going to pitch for them," she said, even though she's a great catcher. If you know what I mean. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: See Tyler do; Tyler Faith, awake and asleep See also: Boaton Red Sox, Tyler Faith, The Golden Banana Labels: boston, strippers, tyler faith, WGL ¶ Thursday, October 16, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, October 10, 2008
Whether it's a titpop or a jawbreaker, these milves are on the move!
 With the worsening economy I'm experimenting with writing headlines the way I would for Good Housekeeping. Do you think it will work?My continuing quest for authenticity and MILF-transparency yesterday found me in northwest Porn Valley to watch the filming of the latest installment of Northstar's Minivan Moms. Northstar is the Orange County-based company of Peter North, and there were three milves in attendance for the purposes of the movie, directed by Oliver Ashe. Earlier this year I was outraged by the utter absence of even a mention of a minivan in Minivan Moms 7, so I felt like a UN MILF observer or Jimmy Carter yesterday, checking to see that everything was on the up and up and sinning in my heart. Director Ashe is a New Jersey transplant. Prior to moving to Northstar, in Irvine, four years ago, he worked for IVD, one of the largest distributors in the adult industry. Another IVD alum is Jules Jordan. Ashe thinks California weather is brutal and the traffic is stupid. I agree, but do you know how much a good burrito costs in Newark?  On hand in the hidden studio facility (it was located in a warehouse that also includes a tire outlet) were Vannah Sterling, Anjanette Astoria, and Nina Hartley, who would be featured on the boxcover.Both Sterling and Astoria have been in porn for less than a year, but as they were a little older, the vibe on the set seemed less ready to explode in flames, cops, and gun-toting boyfriends. It was relaxed. "I like working with the older women," Ashe said. "They're doing it less for the money than for the fun." Vannah Sterling was being fucked on a towel in the bathroom by John Espizedo. The bathroom was also part of the set, so one could fuck in the shower and then actually take a shower. It's smart when things are functional.  Espizedo was wearing shoes, Sterling wasn't. I liked that she wasn't, because the Greek-American New York native had her feet planted firmly on the floor, ready for all comers, the way her ancestors probably did in the showers of Athens."Do you still cook Greek food?" I probed, America's Beloved Porn Journalist. "Yes," Sterling said. "Moussaka." Ashe zoomed in for staged hardcore stills, the kind of photos you'd find on the back of the box that are difficult to capture when the actual sex is taking place. He placed Espizedo and Sterling in blowjob position, took a couple of pictures, and then asked her to do a jawbreaker. "What's that?" she asked. "When you can see the cock plumping out your cheek," he explained. "Got it," she said. I asked Sterling what happened in the scene prior to the jawbreaker. "[Espizedo] borrowed my husband's minivan," she said. "He's a kid from the neighborhood that I haven't seen in a long time. And then we - " she trailed off. It really is hard to explain, once you get right down to it, the things that lead to getting or giving a jawbreaker. These things just happen. I don't know how many times I have had to convince juries of this. I asked Sterling what her definition of MILF was. "A hot mom," she said. "So a MILF has to have given birth, right?" I said. "Yes," she said. Even the newest arrivals to porn seem to know this. Why, then, is there such rampant abuse of the MILF label? In another room was Nina Hartley. Her scene with Will Power would involve his returning her minivan late and Hartley extracting some pleasure for the inconvenience. "Your girlfriend's not going to know," she said. "Well, I might get fired," he said. "Your boss doesn't need to know, either," she said. "My day just got better," he said.  The dialogue was improvised but Ashe had them repeat it as he moved the camera to each of their faces. That way the movie will not look like a panning, sloppy mess."Our budgets aren't too big," he said. "I think this is the most people we've ever had on a set." In addition to the cast, Ashe, Stacie the makeup lady, me, and second cameraman Rich Zaye, Astoria had brought her husband, who watched the proceedings avidly. Not like Frank Sinatra watched Mia Farrow on the set of Rosemary's Baby, bust as a man intensely proud of his hot wife about to be banged by Dino Bravo. The production equipment included four lights - two for each scene being shot concurrently - two video cameras, one still camera, and some towels. "So it's the cast and the location we pay for," said Ashe, "and me and Rich are on salary, so we keep the overhead low." If Sterling needed a primer on the terminology, Hartley had been down this road so many times that she sounded like a porn field manual or an OSHA supplement. "If there's anything you say to me on camera," she said to Power, "I'll believe you and do it. So don't say 'That's it!' or 'Go faster!' if you don't mean it." Later Hartley discussed with Ashe where the popshot would go. "I think the other girl got in on the neck," Ashe said. "I'm just wondering if we should do a facepop, neckpop, or titpop," she said. I believe they settled on the latter. See Hartley's leveraged definition of MILF here.  Because the lights were bright and the rooms were small, Ashe took off his shirt while filming. I would have done this too had I been wearing more than socks.Astoria showed up with most of her makeup applied already. A dancer at The Embers in Sacramento, she travels several hours from her home in the Modesto area to appear in movies. She has been filming scenes for eight months.  "What is a MILF?" I asked."Well, she's gotta have children," she said, a slight Virginia accent surfacing. "Are your boobs fake or real?" asked the makeup lady, who until two years ago was the performer Alaura Eden. "They're fake," Astoria said, "but I just turned 35, and after five kids, well, you need them." "You have five kids?" I think I spat out my appendix. When she dances, Astoria can lift herself up the pole by her calves. (I left before seeing her scene with Bravo but I assume he's dead now.) While there were - again - no actual minivans in this movie, I was pleased that minivans were at least mentioned in each scene. And Astoria has so many kids that she could have easily loaned them out to anyone on the set who wasn't a mom. So things are looking up. See the Minivan Moms gallery here. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Minivan Moms 7 review; Lexington Steele tries to be all things to all people; Sex on the nest with Nina Hartley See also: Northstar Associates Labels: anjanette astoria, business, dino bravo, john espizedo, nina hartley, northstar, oliver ashe, set visits, vannah sterling, WGL, will power ¶ Friday, October 10, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Monday, September 29, 2008
Krissy Leigh prioritizes
 I first met Krissy Leigh on the set of Adam & Eve's The 8th Day, where her ability to fall out of her clothes was inspiring. The other day I bumped into her at the Pirates 2 premiere."What are you up to?" I asked (because I am America's Beloved Porn Journalist). "I signed with Spiegler," she said. Spiegler Girls handles, I believe, the adult industry's most sex-ready performers. "Great choice," I said. "And have you been keeping busy?" "I do anal all the time now," she said. If this had been a phone conversation, I would have said, "I'll be right over." As it was, she was standing right in front of me. Thank you, Jesus. See the full Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge gallery here. Previously on Porn Valley Observed: Life in a porn dorm isn't all pillow fights and orgies; And on The 8th Day, God blew up Boston Labels: because, events, krisssy leigh, the ass, WGL ¶ Monday, September 29, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, September 08, 2008
Poppy Morgan's ass in need of repair
 Poppy Morgan visits the United States from her native Manchester, England on a work visa for several weeks each year, and I enjoy bumping into her (though not as much, clearly, as Sascha does in the couch-tastic scene from Bustin' Ass at the bottom of this story). When we see each other she tells me all about eel pies, lorries, slags, and when to say "bugger off." This is because my iron lung prevents overseas travel, as they have metric air. Here Morgan rests against her esthetician when they visited Los Angeles last year.Last I saw Morgan she was helping out on the set of a Harmony Films production, not having sex or anything, just leaning on the pool table, which in itself seemed like an invitation, what with there being six holes already. "Pretend I'm the rabid British paparazzi and you have to say 'bugger off,'" I suggested. "Bugger off?" she said sweetly.  "All right," I said, "Pretend I'm Princess Diana-level paparazzzi.""BUGGER OFF," she said.  In Bustin' Ass, Morgan's ass seems to function just fine. I don't know why we're told it's busted. I guess it's a translation issue.Buy Bustin' Ass
Previously: Postcard from Porn Week; Upstairs/downstairs with Tatiana Kush and Nicki Hunter See also: Poppy Morgan Labels: england, harmony films, Poppy Morgan, sascha, WGL ¶ Monday, September 08, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Remembering Haley Paige, a little
 Before presenting a brief remembrance of the porn performer Haley Paige, who died a year ago today, I'll share with you an anonymous comment I just received on a post about the late Anna Malle:"hey anna is going to hell by the way..fornication is a big sin to God..she will suffer the blitz of hell fire..pray for other birls in porn also to change."I have become a heavy comment moderator recently, trashing your First Amendment freedoms, I know, but I choose to leave some hateful comments intact as a reminder of the dangerous regard some fans have for people they think they know. Maryam Irene Haley was 25 when she died on August 21, 2007 in the Central California town of King City. Three weeks earlier, on August 2, she had married her boyfriend, porn director Inkyo Volt Hwang, in Las Vegas. From my Fleshbot story last October:  People who see porn as a multi-billion-dollar cautionary tale need look no further than the sad story of husband and wife Inkyo Volt Hwang (aka Chico or Wanker Wang) and Maryam Irene Haley (aka Haley Paige). Hwang was a website owner and director of extreme porn videos, and Paige was a performer who appeared in the gamut of what porn has to offer, from gangbangs to "couples-friendly" films.I met Paige a few times, and she was indeed very sweet, but also distant. I met Chico Wang (who adopted the name of his prison) a few times, too, and didn't enjoy the experience. But he was distant, too. I have since met a number of friends of both Paige and Wang who say that the couple were very private people, despite the clinical nature of the work they did, and that Wang's public persona masked vulnerability, low self esteem, and shame. And that those things got the better of him.  So many porn performers don't want their families and hometowns to know what they do, and there is such a deep stigma to the job in such a benighted society that only a few people (Nina Hartley comes to mind) can really transcend it. But Hartley actively seeks transcendence in everything she does, and the majority of porn personnel prefer to keep large aspects of their lives under wraps for fear of what confused idiots like the person quoted at the beginning of this story might do.But by virtue of there not being a continued thread in Porn, a legitimate archive or history that competent people who are proud of their accomplishments can carry on, departures like Paige's get swallowed up in the face of 11,000 new porn titles a year that bring on anonymity far swifter than in Hollywood, and that is a shame.  People loved Maryam and people loved Haley, and I encourage those people who've talked to me privately to leave a positive message in the comments section. Most of the images above are from I Love Haley Paige, a compilation disc released this year of scenes shot between 2003 and 2005. It does not have behind the scenes footage or anything extra that reveals Haley the person, which I think is a missed opportunity for her fans. But she sure was lovely. I Love Haley PaigePreviously: The Da Vinci Load and gallery; Haley Paige video surfaces posthumously Labels: anna malle, chico wang, commentary, haley paige, history, news, nina hartley, WGL ¶ Thursday, August 21, 2008 13 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Meet Sadie West
 "So I guess I'm Sadie West now?"The 5'2" New Sensations contract performer (she joins Ashlynn Brooke) has just finished telling me the origins of her nom de porn, the first part of which is the rejected name for her niece and the second being her region of the United States. Having performed in only seven scenes in the entirety of her two months in porn, she can't keep a straight face when fellow performers introduce themselves with their own porn names. "Really?" West says, "Ashley Cumz?" Sadie, on the other hand, "is Native American for 'Princess'." The Carlsbad, CA native was dancing at bachelor parties and maintaining a low Internet profile when Porn Valley started calling, and she was at first hesitant. There is a difference between performing for a bunch of guys with camera phones and a bunch of guys with actual cameras. And she thought that people close to her might be offended. "But," she said, after three weeks she decided that "I'm sick of living for other people" and signed a contract with New Sensations. As we sat on a bed in Simi Valley (Poltergeist was filmed in the neighborhood), our conversation was constantly checked by West's handlers, who stood nearby, making sure she didn't say anything that would taint her brand new image. Things that would make you fall in love with Sadie West were deemed inappropriate for printing. Sitting next to this petite 20-year-old with perfect boobs, hazel eyes, and a schoolgirl outfit, I never felt more Amish. I asked her if there was anything she had done in her seven scenes that she hadn't done in real life. "Nothing," she said. "Except in porn I do it longer." Before getting into porn, West favored watching porn that was more "aggressive," and liked the more petite and glamorous performers like Jesse Jane and Teagan (who is also from Carlsbad, though West and she don't know each other).  Downstairs, New Sensations director Eddie Powell was getting ready to shoot West and Anthony Rosano (last seen in these virtual pages as Gilligan) in Schoolgirl P.O.V., hence the Britney circa '98 getup. (Charles Manson's caves are in the hills nearby, I thought; she should shoot biker movies up there. But she's a schoolgirl today. What do I know?) Powell has been working at New Sensations for eight years, having worked up from the graphic design and web departments to being head of post-production. He hasn't taken a vacation in several years. It is like that in porn. Why go elsewhere to seek nudity? It is Powell's house we're sitting in, and West goes downstairs to announce that she just clogged the toilet (her handlers are in the next room, so they cannot scold her). "What did you do?" Powell asks. "I put Baby Wipes in there," she says. "Again?" West doesn't look older than she is, but her voice is smoky like a late-night disc jockey and the poses she strikes for our initial photos are each model-perfect. She knows exactly what she's doing in front of a camera. But I don't like model-perfect photos. I like pictures that make the viewer want to show up to West's house with lunch. For a year. You'll see the progression in the attached gallery. West's look is like a cross between Carmen Hart and Sophie Dee. Her mother is Mexican from Baja California and her father is Irish. For a time, she attended boarding school in Ensenada. "Did you go to Papas 'n' Beer a lot?" I asked. "I'd be the type to dance on the tables," she said. Her handlers gave her a disapproving look.  I like Sadie West. I like her a lot. Why won't they let her be free?Since there is nothing that you will see West doing on screen that you can't be sure she hasn't already done, I ask her if all this screen sex has affected her home sex life. "I give a lot more blowjobs," she said. "Do you agree with Bill Clinton that a blowjob is not sex?" I asked. "A blowjob is a form of sex," she said. I agree. The only difference between a blowjob and a 15-person gangbang is that with a blowjob, texting is easier. But both require the same expenditure of warm human regard, if not equal amounts of warm human semen. West appears in a single scene on New Sensations' website so far. The description is as follows: "Sadie West takes matters into her own hands when she can't get her package from the postman. So she offers to suck his cock if he will give her the package. More than willing to comply he whips out his meat and Sadie eats that cock with passion. She wants him in her bad and he takes that pussy head on by slinging his pork sword balls deep in her pumping her full of man. Sadie screams in delight as he fucks the hell out of her then paints her face with his nut sauce!"It is the exclamation point, I think, that will cause US Postal Service applications to soar. West has not yet seen herself have sex, and she's nervous about it, but if there has been one thing she has learned in her first 60 days in porn, she says, it is that "porn stars know how to fuck better." It is time to shoot her eighth scene. Rosano walks in and begins nibbling on parts of her, but she looks straight at you, the viewer, like a pro. You can meet her in January at the AVN Expo. See a gallery here. Previously: Meet Ashley Orion; Meet Rylie Cyris; Fresh off the articulated bus; Casey Parker and California's pioneers See also: New Sensations Labels: "contract girls", interviews, new sensations, new talent, sadie west, toilet, WGL ¶ Wednesday, August 20, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Moxie-ridden devil Roxy makes Teagan, dandling Randall, her collie
 (I am holding hostage a poetess from a local residency program from whom I'm demanding subject headings in exchange for creampies.)Holly Randall is one of a handful of porn photographers who can make her living as an independent contractor. She'll set up photo shoots with models and peddle the stills and video components to the highest and/or most appropriate bidder. Last week she brought a small crew, including a makeup artist, wardrobe mistress, lighting rigger, and production assistant to a by-turns gaudy and ramshackle McMansion in Bel-Air where she shot a layout with the newly-boobed Teagan and the dangerous Roxy DeVille. Teagan was the star of the day, having recently dropped the "Presley" from her porn name as well as replaced her old breast implants with some new, eye-popping ones. She got them for $7k from a famous doctor in Florida. "He gave us a break," she said, referring to either herself and her boobs or herself and her boyfriend. "And when I run, they bounce." Teagan is tiny and disproportionately arresting. Out of makeup, she sat folded up in a robe. Once in her lacy underthings, hair teased, made up, she transformed into the perfectly-posed porn star whose picture has been taken a million times. Putting on the heels was like flipping a switch, and the energy that accompanied that was considerable.  On sets I talk with the people who signal that they want to talk, so I didn't talk with Teagan too much. But she was very nice.Randall shot Teagan mostly ascending and descending a spiral staircase that stretched around a horrible urn. Why anyone would do this in real life I don't know, but the people who owned the house loved this six-foot urn so much that they placed it in the entryway of their home, so what do I know? You walk into my house, there's a table with food and books on it. It says, "Come in! Read something! Eat something! You look stupid and skinny!" At this house the urn said, "Here are the ashes of my Turkish enemies." Most of the things Roxy DeVille said cannot be uttered here because they would destroy lives, but if there is an extra seat at your cocktail party, you should really invite her. She is like Oscar Wilde with a Chicago accent who likes to fuck women. DeVille recently appeared in the Sex And the City movie with Ryder Skye, but I found her most compelling in Rob Rotten's Texas Vibrator Massacre. I asked her if she would consider being a scream queen full time.  "I would totally be a scream queen," she said. "But on weekends. People want me to be in their T&A slasher movies and I'm fine with that, but if you can't expect me to work for three months and not get paid for it. I'll do your movie if you're not keeping me from work that actually pays me."I was reminded of Ava Rose, whose Hollywood neighborhood is teeming with 23-year-old actress hopefuls who look like her but who don't have her steady job. Conventional wisdom is that all porn actresses want to be Hollywood actresses, but that is just not true. Porn is uncertain enough without trading it for something with no certainty whatsoever and that fits the dictionary description of a money hemorrhage. DeVille's job today, as it is many days, was to don a dominatrix outfit and put her booted foot on people, and today Teagan was her surface.  After Randall finished with Teagan, DeVille was out of wardrobe and makeup and the two performers leashed up and posed in the opulently uninviting living room. Randall shot much more beautiful pictures than these, but she is a fantasist, and I am, as you well know, a hard-nosed realist. I am like Dorothea Lange and porn is my Dust Bowl. (But I would give that up if I could be Jaws the shark and Roxy DeVille could be my Quint.)(That's two "Jaws" references this week. I don't know why I didn't notice how dirty "Quint" sounded before.)  With DeVille in her domme gear and Teagan as a French maid ("People told me about your ass, Girl, but seeing is believing," DeVille said to Teagan. "That's an ass"), Randall snapped away. Who knows what high-end publication they might appear in, aimed at discerning gentlemen who think of California and picture homes crawling with urns, dommes, and scantily-clad maids with multi-thousand-dollar boob jobs?"My job is just to make them look really pretty," Randall said. See my Holly Randall/Teagan/Roxy DeVille backstage gallery here. Previously: Holly Randall has always been a pervert; Backstage at the XBiz Awards: A Night of Heroes; Roxy DeVille: Good couches make good neighbors; I am Teagan Presley (I am not Teagan Presley); Teagan distances herself from La Sad Eyes See also: Holly Randall Labels: BDSM, fetish, holly randall, roxy deville, set visits, teagan presley, WGL ¶ Thursday, August 14, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 07, 2008
Jenny Hendrix and I get away
 I'm not saying that I and Jenny Hendrix are going on vacation for the next four days. I'm just posting some new Jenny Hendrix photos along with the statement that I am going on a short vacation. Did Jenny Hendrix call me up and say "Grams, I've got two tickets to Dokken in Cabo, my ass, with you in it, is leaving in 45 minutes"? No. That is not the way we communicate. Regardless, see you Monday. Previously: Happy Birthday, Jenny Hendrix P.S. Why does Jenny's ass make me want to go to Target and buy the first season of "Mad Men"? Labels: jenny hendrix, WGL ¶ Thursday, August 07, 2008 4 Comments Links to this post
Roxy DeVille: Bad couches make good neighbors
 Like the Israeli Army, Roxy DeVille responds with overwhelming force.We were in a rental home decorated, in the way some porn rental locations are, ostentatiously and without purpose. Giant sculpted urns stood empty, wires poked from the walls, and the zesty Roxy DeVille sat in a room full of uncomfortable couches during a break from Holly Randall's photo session. "I've got to get some really hard, painful couches for my place," DeVille said. "You come over my house, you're taking your pants off and putting on sweats, then jumping into bed and watching TV or playing Battleship or something. But the person who overstays his welcome and wants to sleep over? They get the bad couch."  "Who hurt you, Roxy DeVille?" I asked. "Who was such a bad guest that you are going to populate your home with painful furniture just so that never happens again?" "It only happened once," she said. Later, DeVille stepped all over Teagan, but that is a story for later. Previously: Roxy DeVille alive, happy, not dead, bloody See also: Holly Randall Labels: holly randall, interviews, roxy deville, set visits, teagan presley, WGL ¶ Thursday, August 07, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Audrey Elson, Odalisque
 I met this striking woman at a baby shower several weeks ago, and today I walked onto the set of Anabolic's Creampie Explosions 3 and there she was again, except naked and going by the name Audrey Elson.The 5'10" Detroit native was to be ejaculated into, then she was to squat and expel it, and then lick it off the floor. All these things happened within 30 minutes of my arriving. I'll tell you more about director Ivan's extremely efficient movie set later, but I felt it would be in your best interest to see Ms. Elson all Ingresy-y as soon as possible. (Just so you know, it wasn't Audrey who was having the baby.) Previously: Enter the Adrianaconda See also: Ivan, Anabolic; Jean-August-Dominique Ingres Labels: anabolic, art, audrey elson, ivan, set visits, WGL ¶ Wednesday, July 30, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, July 11, 2008
Memphis Monroe's nipples get Clubbed
 Kentucky's own Memphis Monroe adorns the cover of September's Club International magazine, but her nipples do not."I took a double take," Monroe said. "I was like 'When the hell did my nipples become tan and look fake?'" I have never understood why nipples were chosen as the part of the breast to obscure in photos. Don't the censors know that the sides, top, and bottom of breasts are just as dirty? Think of it this way: Have you ever said, "I want to come on your nipples"? No, you say, "I want to come all over your tits." And what is the point of obscuring something if you're just going to use something flesh-colored? I was taken aback when I saw this photo, thinking Monroe's nipples had been replaced with those foam things one puts on the legs of chairs to keep them from scuffing hardwood floors. "I like your nipples," I told Monroe, and admitted that only after five years of working in the adult industry did I not feel creepy saying something like that. "Where did they go?" "Gram, you're still a creep without saying that," she said. "You should have gotten that off your chest a long time ago, Creep." UPDATE: Club editrix Lisa Massaro writes to let us know that on the September cover of that magazine (note that one is the international version), it is Bree Olson's nipples that disappear. Previously: Memphis debuts contest, bewbies; Derby Day for Memphis Monroe; See also: Memphis Monroe, Club Labels: boobs, bree olson, magazines, memphis monroe, WGL ¶ Friday, July 11, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, June 20, 2008
Guess who's coming
 I sure like that Aiden Starr. Why? I guess it's because she makes me feel tall.Because she is 4'11", Starr is often cast as a teen, and that is ostensibly why she stars in the movie My Daughter Went Black And Never Came Back. Unfortunately, Starr's scene (with the performer Julius) mentions nothing about her parents. To whom, then, does the "My" in the title refer? We never see a nervous dad or mom waiting by the telephone, or burning crosses on lawns. But that doesn't matter. What matters is Starr's wholly improvised scene, which I've reprinted here with the permission of the Writers' Guild of America (West) and the Samuel French Company. STARR is talking to JULIUS on the phone. Her lascivious intentions are clear. STARR I'll text you. I'll text you my address from my cell phone.I believe this motivation because Starr has often texted me addresses from her cell phone. When JULIUS arrives, STARR begins verbalizing her curiosity about the forbidden black man, blaming her friends for her uncertainty.  STARRJULIUS is noncommital, but begins fucking STARR, probably just to be polite, because he's already there and everything.  STARRJULIUS Is that a myth that you heard about us?STARR is electrified by this verbal parrying, and their exertions grow more frenzied. But JULIUS loses control.  STARRJULIUS Yes.STARR What if I get pregnant? Then everyone's gonna know I fucked a black guy!Previously: Aiden Starr: coffee and condoms See also: Juicy Entertainment, Aiden Starr Labels: aiden starr, julius, race movies, WGL ¶ Friday, June 20, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Belladona shares views on tank, 2005
 "The other day I paid $96 for a tank of premium unleaded for my 2005 Range Rover," said Belladonna.Experts on porn and fuel warn that refilling the tank from Half results in less gas evaporation than refilling from Empty, and that the optimum time to refill is in the late evening or early morning, when the chill makes for denser gasoline. It is not apparent at press time whether Belladonna used this map for her refueling. With the Range Rover's average city MPG of 12 and the Los Angeles subway system so inadequate, is it any wonder why Belladonna doesn't visit you? And remembering that the 2005 Range Rover's 26-gallon tank only takes 91-octane fuel, I bet you're feeling pretty sheepish that you gave her a hard time for not bringing two coolers of Narragansett to your last barbecue. Shame on you. As gas prices rise, Americans are seeking ways to do more with less, hence my squeezing 150 words out of a one-sentence quote. Previously: Porn economics: Vaginas and gas See also: Belladonna Labels: belladonna, money, WGL ¶ Wednesday, June 11, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Porn economics: Vaginas and gas
 As gas prices increase, people across the country are adjusting their lives accordingly by taking public transportation, riding bikes, or staying inside for longer periods, playing more videogames and watching more porn like the activists they are.But two adult performers signing at this weekend's Erotica L.A. have found that, unlike their vaginas, the price of gas is inelastic. "Gas is like food," said New Sensations contract performer Ashlynn Brooke. "You have to pay whatever it costs to get it." Brooke therefore declared the inelasticity of gas. Despite an average price of $4.20 across Porn Valley for a gallon of 87 octane fuel, she said that she would buy it regardless. In her native Choctaw, OK, it's different. "I was talking to my aunt and it's $3.79 there today," she said. "Plus, it's easier to walk around in Choctaw." Cementing the inelasticity of gasoline is the sheer size of Los Angeles and the unreliability of public transportation. Sasha Grey, who grew up in similarly spread out Sacramento, recently topped off her Volvo's tank for $76. "Oh Jesus Christ," she said. "It's disgusting." But despite the horror at the pump (Brooke filled up her SUV for $80), Grey says the geography of Los Angeles doesn't allow her any options. "It's not like I'm going to carpool to a porn set," she said. Unlike their vaginas and the demand for goods that can be easily substituted, which are highly elastic, the demand for gas will be inelastic until more porn can be shot at a central location, such as Gram Ponante Towers, Stationary Taqueria, Cyclotron, Heliport, and Refinery. Brooke does have one solution to oil consumption. At Erotica L.A. she will probably go barefoot to skip around the L.A. Convention Center's low-pile carpeting, eschewing petroleum-based Lucite heels. "I'm from Oklahoma," she said, a likely Green Party candidate. "So I don't care." Previously: XRCO from the outside in; Sasha Grey: A day without porn; Erotica L.A. 2007 in review See also: Erotica L.A. Labels: Ashlynn Brooke, erotica L.A., events, money, sasha grey, WGL ¶ Wednesday, June 04, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Monday, June 02, 2008
Site emerges from toilet, patriotically
 Whatever else you might think of GramPonante.com, apparently it is no longer down (though problems remain). Absent any actual news, I leave you with a representative photo of Bluegrass State vixen Audrey Hollander in the water closet.When suggesting the photo to Hollander, I said, "Your red hair! The blue wall!" and Hollander said, "The white toilet!" That is why you should vote for the Eminent Domain of Audrey Hollander in tomorrow's California election. Labels: audrey hollander, because, technical difficulties, toilet, WGL ¶ Monday, June 02, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Ryder Skye and Roxy DeVille menage to redeem Sex And the City movie
 When she was a struggling mainstream actress, Ryder Skye said she would be very nervous before auditions."I'd completely psyche myself out," she said. "And for this one, I didn't even know why I was there." Ryder Skye said the casting agent wanted Asian women when she was called to audition for Sex And the City, premiering in L.A. tomorrow. She also wasn't sure there'd be nudity. "But then I saw all these porn girls there," she said, "so I knew something was up." Skye and Roxy DeVille (who is credited as "Roxi Devill') are two-thirds of a menage a trois also involving Gilles Marini, who plays Dante, the lust object of Kim Cattrall's whorish Samantha, one of the four leads in the movie. Extensive exit traffic research for this site reveals that at least five women and one gay man read Porn Valley Observed, thus this feature on a television series and movie very few straight men can explain the appeal of. "The scene was shot in Malibu in January," Skye said, "on the first day of AVN. Samantha is looking through the window and she sees this guy she likes having a threesome." "So a location in Los Angeles stood in for a location in New York?" I asked. "Impossible." "No," Skye said. "In the story Samantha comes out here for some reason." SPOILER ALERT. Damn it. I should have put "SPOILER ALERT" before that riveting factoid. Now I'll never get a job at Entertainment Weekly. "Did you meet Kim Cattrall?" "No," Skye said. "It was one of the last scenes shot for the movie. Everybody else had pretty much gone home. She looks through her window and there we are, but we were never in the same room. They'd cut that in later." Wow. I said. Hollywood is a dream factory. Skye is a wholesome-looking porn star, as opposed to the many talented and friendly women in the adult industry who could never be mistaken for anything but a porn star. "But the chatboards go on and on about how women in porn only play hookers and strippers on film," she said. Yes. Typecasting is wrong. It was always my desire to star in an all-Thai version of "The Odd Couple," but I am neither Thai nor an actor. The world keeps grinding people down. "I don't know if the crew knew what to make of [herself and DeVille]," Skye said. "They asked if we wanted the set cleared for our nude scene, and we just took off our robes and got down to it. It took about an hour." "Did your costar react in any physical way to you and Roxy flouncing around the set?" "If he did," Skye said, "I didn't notice. I think he was a little nervous. But he was really grateful to us afterward. He thanked us for being so cool." Skye saw Marini at the gym last week. "He walked by and I couldn't place him. I thought, 'Have I fucked him?' Then I remembered. He was on his way to the New York premiere that day." Skye had to buy her ticket, but she will be seeing herself on the big screen tomorrow at the Arclight in Hollywood. Skye, who will be credited in the movie as Aricka Evans, struggled to get her Screen Actors Guild card as a mainstream model and actress before this opportunity came up. "I try for years to get my SAG card and then I get it through being in porn," she said. Previously: Energy drink-drinking nudes; Britney Spears continues to hold out hope of immaculate conception See also: Ryder Skye Labels: celebrities, interviews, kim cattrall, mainstream movies, roxy deville, Ryder Skye, WGL ¶ Thursday, May 29, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Enter the Adrianaconda
 Adrianna Nicole wishes, in retrospect, that she'd chosen a different porn name, but at least she can try on a new one when she's wrestling."If I'd only thought of 'Adrianaconda' sooner," she said. Visitors to San Francisco (with the exception of school groups and religious zealots) should make a point of stopping by Kink.com's massive Armory building, built in the early 20th century during a time of nationwide worker unrest and featuring - I'm not kidding - a stream running through its basement for the benefit of a National Guard under siege (hint to disgruntled workers of the future: all you need to do is poop in the water; that's what my coworkers did at AVN). Among the Armory's many charms is an indoor parade ground, dozens of creepy rooms used for water bondage and various flavors of submission with and without straps, and a wrestling ring.  It is there that Nicole, redubbed Adrianaconda, will participate with 15 other wrestlers in the sweaty and pant-astic Ultimate Surrender, fighting against and alongside such bendy and brutal grapplers as Madison "The Butcher" Young, Amber "The Rogue" Rayne, and Ariel X: "The Assassin.""If you win, you fuck the loser with a strap-on," said Nicole, who has made it to this semi-final round in "The Summer of Vengeance." "My incentive to win early on was I had been in a couple of scenes before my match and I just didn't want to get fucked again." The wrestling starts off in bikinis and things devolve from there. I asked Nicole if she ever felt fear. "Well, I'm a little bigger than most," she said. She mentioned Madison Young who, though wily, seemed easy pickings. "I could kick her ass. But her partner is very muscly."  Next week Ultimate Surrender will film matches before a live audience of Kink.com subscribers on specially-erected bleachers, but the matches will be available on line up to and including the final showdown in August.Whatever Nicole is doing with her left arm here doesn't seem like it would be in accordance with FILA standards, but whatever. Other wrestlers in this season of Ultimate Surrender have included Annie Cruz, Delilah Strong, Bobbi Starr, and Harmony Rose, none of whom seems stoppable by mortal hands. See a gallery of Ultimate Surrender's Season 5 here. I am glad Nicole was not "Adrianaconda" from the start; the name seems to negate her sweet and gentle nature. Previously: Back to the Apocalypse at the San Francisco Fetish Ball; Adrianna Nicole is her own massage table; Ultimate Surrender See also: Ultimate Surrender, Kink Labels: "Kink.com", adrianna nicole, annie cruz, ariel x, bobbi starr, delilah strong, harmony, interviews, madison young, san francisco, WGL, wrestling ¶ Thursday, May 29, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Annette Schwarz thinks I am oblivious
 ...she actually said "clumsy," but either way she's right.Since 1945, those Germans have always been right. There was a moment we shared while I was writing the story linked below when I failed to pick up on a crucial signal. She writes about it here. Previously: Life in a Porn Dorm Isn't All Pillowfights And Orgies See also: Totally Annette Labels: annette schwarz, blogs, germans, WGL ¶ Tuesday, May 27, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sabrina Deep to (be a bukkake) surface in 12 cities
 "Sex should be free," said Sabrina Deep, who last year hosted, both in her home and in her vagina, a 77-man gangbang.This summer Deep will take her philosophy around the world, stopping in 12 cities to be the focal point of bukkakes from London to Berlin to Rome to Vancouver, culminating in a 110-man Tokyo bukkake on September 11, her 30th birthday. Japan was the country that invented the bukkake, so September 11 will be a Canterbury pilgrimage of sorts with Deep as the Wife of Cum Bath. "I take it like I'm going on little holidays," Deep said. "Sexually there is probably more roughness in cities like Berlin and London, more "Can-I-date-you-after-we've-finished-with-this" in Italy, more I'm-glad-I-have-unloaded-my-balls" in cities like Toronto and Vancouver. I'm not sure about the United States and Japan. I'll let you know." "I already know what it's like in the United States," I said. "I own this place. At my house it's like Bukkakalypse Now." Deep says that the events have all been set up by fans who live in those cities, but Tokyo's bukkake session will be more regimented, adhering to that country's sacred bukkake traditions.  "I'll have to stick to the rigid rules of classic Japanese bukkake," she said. "No fucking, collected come, final drinking. I believe that a Japanese lady will be the official collector during the process."Bukkakador attendance is often limited, and several cities are already booked. Participation is free to healthy men who can prove they are over 18. Deep's World Bukkake Tour begins Monday in Toronto. The first currently available day is June 12 in Rome. The two US dates, in New York and Columbus, OH, are in August, in case you're interested. I'd say, "What are you waiting for? Sign up now!" but that would be pandering. Previously: Sabrina Deep: Gangbang across the water See also: World Bukkake Tour Labels: bukkake, canada, england, events, germany, japan, sabrina deep, WGL ¶ Tuesday, May 20, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Adrianna Nicole is her own massage table
 Is she a Barbapapa?Previously: The Whore Within Me, Without You See also: Hustler Labels: adrianna nicole, because, MILF, new porn daily, WGL ¶ Tuesday, May 13, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, May 10, 2008
April Flores, Alix Lakehurst, and Mr. Skin
 Two of my favorite people talk with each other in a recent article on Mr. Skin.com.Alix Lakehurst interviewed April Flores for the Chicago-based mainstream movie nudity website and the Kiss Attack performer talked about working with Belladonna, idolizing Rita Hayworth, and being her own favorite porn star. Read the article here. Previously: April Flores: Diva; Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States; No Easter for Alix Lakehurst See also: April Flores: The Skinterview; April Flores, Alix Lakehurst Labels: alix lakehurst, april flores, bbw, belladonna, chicago, WGL ¶ Saturday, May 10, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, April 14, 2008
The buttoned-down Ava Rose
 Since it's only April and the heat is already at record-breaking levels here in Porn Valley, what better way to celebrate the slow roasting of the oceans than to talk with Alaska's own Ava Rose, contract star for Adam & Eve and, if there could be a contract star of the pants, well, there too.Rose and her sister, Mia, grew up in Sutton, AK, a town of (then) 400 people just up Rt. 1 from Anchorage. "You know Alaska?" she asked. "No," I said. "But I can see it from Space." "You spend most of the time preparing for the winter there," she said. "It's a good place to grow up, I realize now, but that's why so many adults commit suicide; they work their asses off to get snowed in." Ava and Mia left Sutton for Reno in 1996. When Ava began dancing in Reno at the Wild Orchid, she didn't like it. "I'd make a little money onstage but I couldn't stand to bullshit the guys with the lap dances and steal their money," she said. "It's much easier to spread your legs in porn. "Porn's pretty easy," she said, "if you're clever about things and you know when to say no."  Rose worked for Naughty America, Metro, and Lethal Hardcore before she signed her Adam & Eve contract. Sometimes she would be cast with her sister, but Mia took more gonzo roles and Ava became Adam & Eve's lone brunette. She has appeared in that company's Carolina Jones, Dark City, and just wrapped Roller Dollz.I asked what she thinks about the term "mainstream" as it applies to porn. "Every time a porn star is in a movie she plays a stripper or a prostitute," she said. "I like staying where I am. People seem to always want a way into porn or a way out of it. When porn tries to look mainstream, it just ends up looking like Ultimate Porno." Having a contract allows Rose a lot of time to read. She lives in Hollywood north of Sunset, and her bookcase is filled with true crime novels. I asked if she read them for pointers. "If someone offered me a million dollars to brutally murder someone else," she said. "I couldn't do it. But I like reading about it." What is dating like?  "I don't date exclusively," she said. "It might not be the time in my life for it. It's also a little dangerous emotionally. I mean, open relationships are hard but finding out a lie is harder. Hardly ever do people not cheat."What do you mean? "I can't stand jealousy and obsession." Do people get obsessed with you? "Sometimes. That kind of insecurity is unattractive. But I'm still young and working things out. One thing's for sure: when you plan for a threesome it never fucking goes right." Rose is 22. She gets a monthly check from Adam & Eve, a company that probably pays the highest of the major adult studios. Without makeup and wearing sweats, Rose is indistinguishable from any other young actress in her neighborhood, aside from the fact that she's working. I asked if it was necessary to have an exit strategy from porn. "I'd like to stay in L.A. and study Criminal Psychology," she said. And what about relationships after Porn? "I smoke a lot of cigarettes so I don't know how I'll age," she said. "But I think someone will like me and my loose asshole when I'm done." See a gallery here. Previously: Mia and Ava Rose in Double Trouble; It's what's for dinner See also: Ava Rose, Adam & Eve Labels: alaska, Ava Rose, interviews, Mia Rose, podcast, video, WGL ¶ Monday, April 14, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Friday, April 11, 2008
Report: Roxy Deville alive, happy, not dead, bloody
 Many people were concerned about this image of Roxy Deville I ran last week. This was merely a still from Rob Rotten's Texas Vibrator Massacre, in which Deville does not get the happy ending one normally sees in David Aaron Clark movies.Deville is great in this movie. Of her casting, Rotten said, "I needed someone who wasn't blonde, could act, and was a bitch. Roxy was the first name that came up." Read the review here. Previously: Swallow My Children; The Haunting of Hill feet See also: Rob Rotten, Metro Labels: "david aaron clark", "rob rotten", reviews, roxy deville, WGL ¶ Friday, April 11, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Ava Rose hears you call her name, decides it feels like home
 Ava Rose's spread (that was just the best word available; I didn't mean to sound filthy) in April's Penthouse is reminiscent of the look of a certain New York-bashing children's author circa 1989, when Rose was three. The delightful Adam & Eve contract star frolicked through a virtual French country house to achieve the combination of rusticity and glamor that is her trademark. Rustic, for porn, because her boobs are real. Previously: Ava Rose: It's what's for dinner See also: Ava Rose, Adam & Eve, Penthouse Labels: "adam and eve", Ava Rose, madonna, magazines, penthouse, WGL ¶ Thursday, April 10, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Happy Birthday, Jenny Hendrix
 Here is the original version of an article I wrote about Jenny for XBiz back when she was about to get new boobs and sign a contract with a local company intent on signing contract girls.She decided against the boobs and the contract. When the article was published, Hendrix said that "(You) made my life sound like a fairy tale." I suppose, but there's no demons or Camaros in it. She has since left her agency and began representing herself. "When I make $4,000 for an anal scene," she said, "it's nice to keep it." Jenny Hendrix Knows She's Hot...Previously: On set with Jenny Hendrix; Jenny Hendrix keeps in touch Labels: interviews, jenny hendrix, WGL, xbiz stories ¶ Saturday, April 05, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, April 03, 2008
And the sex hasn't even started yet
 So many porn performers are interchangeable (as are the people who write about them), but this one, I think, is different. Every time I see her she says something interesting that is not in the script.As I downloaded these photos from a set I visited the other day, I almost threw this picture away, but the power of Christ compelled me to keep it. Then, when I checked my notes, found this ad lib from about 11 p.m., as the short dialogue scene had stretched to six hours: "My ovaries are full of eggs just waiting for Daddy's baby."This one's a keeper. Gallery Labels: WGL ¶ Thursday, April 03, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Kayden Kross representing the Luchadores
 Kayden Kross works on her fingering and footwork on the set of Rollerdollz.I'm not sure why people give the finger to the camera, but I don't think Sacramento's Kayden Kross means it. I just don't think she was brought up that way. She was doing what she thought I wanted. "I don't want that at all, Kayden Kross," I wanted to tell her. "I want you to just be."  But I didn't tell her this, and because of my complacency she's probably out giving the finger to Shriners.Previously: Bree Olson's future planning; Ava Rose: It's what's for dinner; It needs to stop See also: Adam & Eve Labels: "adam and eve", "set visits", finger, Kayden Kross, latin, sacramento, WGL ¶ Wednesday, April 02, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, March 28, 2008
Ava Rose: It's what's for dinner
 Here is Ava Rose on the set of Rollerdollz. I want to create a series of pictures of America's porn stars in front of price lists, like menus, gas station marquees, and Sotheby's auction items to make a statement about relative worth in 2008. I will submit this as both a doctoral dissertation and as applications for an NEA grant and a MacArthur fellowship. I think that this is the kind of art that really needs to be made, that makes people feel guilty for not liking it for the reasons I demand but instead because it features Ava Rose's boobs. Then I will say, "This is not porn, it's art; you're not supposed to be sexually aroused by it. You're a bad person because you find boobs compelling. You should really be looking at how much the hot dogs cost at Glendale's Moonlite Rollerway. I'm not actually a pornographer. I'm using these boobs ironically. You don't get my work. Stop looking at it!" Next, I will create a short documentary of cropping and uploading this photo while sitting at a Starbucks in Tempe, AZ. Previously: Ava Rose at home; Bree Olson's future planning Labels: Ava Rose, glendale, personal philosophy, WGL ¶ Friday, March 28, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Happy Birthday, Adrianna Nicole
 Today is Adrianna Nicole's birthday, as you probably guessed from the subject heading. Her birthday is exactly eight months before mine, as you probably guessed from her level of maturity.She is spending the day at Disneyland. I don't know if she got the park-jumper pass, so information is unavailable as to whether you can goose her on the Tower of Terror. Previously: Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States; I am the world's greatest porn director See also: Adrianna Nicole, Life in a Porn Dorm Isn't All Pillowfights And Orgies (thenaughtyamerican) Labels: adrianna nicole, WGL ¶ Tuesday, March 25, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Friday, March 21, 2008
No Easter for Alix Lakehurst
 Alix Lakehurst is Greek, and lives in Chicago. We talked by computer, the way they do in Space.One thing about Alix Lakehurst (who interviewed me for Mr. Skin), is that, like Mike Wallace, she conducts her interviews topless. I, on the other hand, wore a full iron diving bell. I asked what she was doing for Easter, because topless girls in bonnets is a multi-million dollar niche for my Caymans-based affiliate program. "Greeks don't celebrate Easter until the first Sunday after the first full moon after the equinox," she said. "So it won't be until late April." "Oh," I said, thinking: What will I do with all this spanikopita? Previously: Alix Lakehurst: Riding on the Metro; Jenny Hendrix keeps in touch See also: Alix Lakehurst, Mr. Skin Labels: alix lakehurst, Apple, bbw, chicago, interviews, jesus, technology, WGL ¶ Friday, March 21, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Young Hollywood and the birth of the United States
 HBO's "John Adams" miniseries is pretty compelling, though it inaccurately places the man who would become our second President at the scene of the Boston Massacre. Tom Wilkinson is brilliant as Ben Franklin, David Morse engaging as George Washington, the guy from "Oz" excellent as the guy from Pennsylvania, Laura Linney wonderful as Abigail Adams, and Paul Giamatti way better than he was in that god-awful pool movie with Opie's daughter.As I sat at home considering these things a thought came to me: "I have to go take another picture of Adrianna Nicole in a parking lot." My collection of pictures of Adrianna Nicole in parking lots is among the major achievements of my career as America's Beloved Porn Journalist. Tonight, while I watched John Adams wrestle with Philadelphia's horrible plague of dysentery in the summer of 1776, I knew that one of the freedoms guaranteed by Adams and the founders was manifested in Carlos Batts' Young Hollywood, in which Nicole has sex by venetian blinds. "Yeah, man," Batts said. "Adrianna's a trip."  The party was at Safari Sam's on Sunset Blvd. Guests listened to live music from bands featured in Young Hollywood and Batts' next movie, Kiss Attack, including a set from Batts' friends from Baltimore, Dirt & Bank."Yeah, man, "Batts said. "Dirt & Bank are a trip." Mandy Morbid proved that her default setting is winsome as she posed with Pride of Oregon Kimberly Kane. Kane, who is Young Hollywood's boxcover model, has yet to see the movie.  "You should," I said. "You're really naked in it.""I see all my movies," Morbid said. "I've only been in one." Because of "John Adams", I'd missed the bands. Apparently Glenn Danzig was there, as his yard had been used for Mandy Morbid's car-top tryst with Lystra, or trystra. But I didn't see him. "He was standing about one millimeter away from you," Batts told me. (Danzig is kind of short; Mika Tan told me this.)  A drunk and vaguely surly Benny Profane was on stage. He played Martin van Buren in the Adams movie. I saw Clown Porn's Dick Chibbles and Daisy Layne."Why clowns?" I probed. "People having sex is funny," Chibbles said (he lives in San Diego). "Clowns having sex is funnier." Actually, clowns having sex is horrifying. But not more than the atrocities committed by the British in its colonies, or what the Sons of Liberty regularly did to the Crown's tax collectors.  Also on hand were performer Van Damage and his wife, let's call her Cynthia Damage. I approve of this marriage."My girlfriend brought me to a swinger's party and I just found myself blowing him," she said, echoing Martha Washington.  Off in a corner representing Los Angeles were April Flores and her friend, La Cholita. Flores did much of the behind the scenes work in Young Hollywood and stars in Kiss Attack, where she leads a fleshy vampire army. How La Cholita figures into this I'm still unsure, but I'm glad she does."Looking good is being deadly," La Cholita said.  As I was about to leave, a parking lot materialized around Adrianna Nicole for her photo opportunity. It made me think of the tax collector in "John Adams"; she looked like she should be tarred and feathered, except not with tar and feathers, if you know what I mean.Read the Young Hollywood review here. Previously: Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army) See also: Carlos Batts, Adam & Eve, HBO's "John Adams" Labels: "kimberly kane", adrianna nicole, april flores, carlos batts, daisy layne, dick chibbles, events, la cholita, latin, mandy morbid, pinups, van damage, WGL ¶ Friday, March 21, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Friday, March 14, 2008
Audrey Hollander cares enough to replace the roll
 ...and if you invite her to your house? She will always bring a nice cake or something, or a mix tape.Previously: In every Cum Fart Tsunami, a tacit confirmation; Barely Legal: Generations Labels: "set visits", audrey hollander, redheads, WGL ¶ Friday, March 14, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Adrianna Nicole and Annette Schwarz - just because
 There was no reason for them to be standing in that parking lot, and yet there was every reason.I asked the first thing that came to my mind: "When you have to oil your asses, what do you use?" "Baby oil," Schwarz said. "Olive oil," Nicole said. "Well, basically whatever is available." Previously: Lorelei Lee and Adrianna Nicole - just because (same parking lot, different Gram) See also: Adrianna Nicole, Annette Schwarz, Spiegler Girls Labels: adrianna nicole, agency, annette schwarz, because, fotos, germans, spiegler, WGL ¶ Friday, March 14, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Monday, March 10, 2008
Satine Phoenix on three hours' sleep or: By the time I get to Phoenix, she'll be pissing
 I visited San Francisco for its Fetish Ball this weekend and spent one early morning following Satine Phoenix around the city on various adventures. Generally I am a clean-living, wholesome person, but I hadn't slept in a couple of days and things began looking Lovecraftian after a while (which is also the name of my band).3 a.m.  I arrive at Phoenix' hotel after most of the Fetish Ball after-party participants have left. Coming out of the elevator on tottery heels and smelling like vomit is the reason why the doorman told me, "Make sure you're quiet up there; people are complaining." There are a few people left, including her friend January, a foot fetish model. I demand they stand on the couch.4 a.m.  "Let's go see my friend Ian," says Phoenix. While that will make the m/f ratio less favorable, I am only there to observe, so I tag along. Ian's not home when Satine bangs on his door. It is doubtful if he even lived there. We leave in haste. Satine takes care of business by a warehouse door."Will you take a picture?" she asks/"I should probably take a picture," I say. 4:30 a.m.  We head to another Ian's house near City Hall. Those guys aren't happy to see me. "We thought she was coming alone," one says. "Joke's on you," I say. The apartment is small. "Doesn't she have, like, a full hotel rrom?" one asks. "Yeah," I say. "I don't know why we're here either." They seem used to this sort of thing. We leave after 30 minutes.5:30 a.m. We head back to the hotel. The time change has resulted in a parking ticket. A hooker tells me I just got it two mintes ago. "Couldn't you have blown the cop?" I ask. The ticket is $71; a blowjob costs $50. San Francisco would benefit more from my paying for a cop to be fellated, I asure you. "I cost more than that ticket," she says. I laugh, but choose to run her over. Every time I go to San Francisco, I get a parking ticket. Even when I fly.  Satine's ready for bed. I'm ready to drive home.Later, I take a wrong turn and wind up in Marin County. Next time Satine comes over my house, I'm making her buy a goddamn pizza. Previously: Rebelle Rousers and their genomes; By the time I get to Phoenix, I'll be in Prague See also: Satine Phoenix Labels: events, fetish, pinups, san francisco, satine phoenix, WGL ¶ Monday, March 10, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Jandi Lin: "We Can Be Nerds Together"
 I think the Doozers will have to build a Geek Retaining Wall around Jandi Lin, because I can see incoming slobber on Dradis.Lin. tattooed star of David Aaron Clark's No Man's Land: Asian Edition 6 attended a recent Star Trek exhibit aboard Long Beach's Queen Mary with Clark and the sensually elfin Aiden Starr. Lin knew that the Defiant was on Deep Space Nine and that Harry Kim would never incite mutiny against Tuvok. She executed a flawless "Live long and prosper" gesture and, more importantly, didn't disintegrate when being teleported. Then, by virtue of being "no man," she slew the Witch King of Angmar, Lord of the Nazgul. Previously: No Man's Land: White Man's Burden; No Man's Land review; Aiden Starr: Caffeinated See also: Jandi Lin Labels: "david aaron clark", aiden starr, asian, geekery, jandi lin, WGL ¶ Thursday, March 06, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Aiden Starr: coffee and condoms
 Speaking of Aiden Starr, she stopped by Gram Ponante Towers, Apothecary, Helipad, Dead Letter Office, and Centrifuge the other year and, in the course of a normal conversation, became naked.I was asking her about a mutual friend over coffee. "I always, always use condoms when having sex with civilians," she said. (For the first time, I was glad that we're at war with two countries!) See Aiden's gallery here. Previously: Aiden Starr and Caroline Pierce - just because; Gram's Minstrel in the Gallery Bertinelli See also: Aiden Starr Labels: aiden starr, because, fotos, WGL ¶ Thursday, March 06, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
On the road with Alix Lakehurst
 "It's a fantasy of mine to be a fantasy of someone else's," said Alix Lakehurst, a Chicago porn actress who is a throwback to a brassier, fleshier time.Lakehurst makes me think of Gina Gershon, but not because she's little and ropy. "I took my porn (last) name from the movie theatre I first went down on a guy in," she said. It was while I was watching Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly in Bound when that first happened to me. I should check to see if there's any porn girl working named Susan Showcase Cinemas Lawrence.  Lakehurst is busty and Greek in a way that must make people ashamed for knowing, like if your school crossing guard, postal carrier, or waitress was that busty and Mediterranean. She catches people looking at her when she's on the train in Chicago."They don't know the half of it," she said. Lakehurst lives in Wicker Park, a community north of the Loop in Chicago, and when she's not working for boobcentric companies like Score in Florida, Big Top, or Homegrown Video, she is making guerilla porn on public transportation or Amtrak. It was her flashing video on the train that first made me aware of her, then I met her in Las Vegas at the AVN convention, and recently she sent a DVD of her home videos to fans, in which we are treated to her philosophy on boob oiling ("I moisturize them every day") and see her joining the 20 feet high club in the bathroom of a moving train. Lakehurst's appeal is not that she looks like a porn star. She started getting naked on camera two years ago and now, at 34 and far away from Porn Valley, she has neither the motivation nor the pressure to look a certain way.  "I work out and count calories," she said, "but otherwise I'm lame and geeky. And I don't want to be 95 pounds."As much as she has created a vocal and supportive fan base on her website, We Could Be Naked, Lakehurst's weight does bring out some surprisingly harsh responses from detractors, who want their porn performers to look a certain way. "What surprises me is that they go to the trouble of logging in and writing things like that," she said.  Many of Lakehurst's fans compare her to fleshier porn stars of the 80's. One of them, Christy Canyon, became a particular obsession of Lakehurst's, too. A blog and a series of articles for Mr. Skin, The Road to Christy Canyon, detailed Lakehurst's quest to meet her hero, whom she'd first seen in a porn when Lakehurst was 19."She changed my life," Lakehurst said. "I thought she was so beautiful." Lakehurst eventually met and interviewed Canyon on the set of the latter's Playboy Radio show. Lakehurst is different from other porn stars, too, in that her lack of proximity to America's Great Porn Proving Grounds limit her exhibitionism to her website where, self-directed, her persona is much more vulnerable.  "It's also because I actually like sex," she said. "I know I'll get tired of it if there's no connection, or if it's like a factory down there. I don't want to be desensitized."Because of this, Lakehurst has not developed a thick skin, or the killer instinct required to either succeed in mainstream porn or at least to not feel personally slighted. "I know it's a business about bodies and boobs and asses," she said, "but it's hard to get away from the feeling that when someone doesn't like my ass, they don't like me." Lakehurst is discouraged with mainstream porn after a recent bad experience with the company Bang Brothers, which she wrote about on her site. "I could win a hip and thigh award but not an ass award," she said.  This vulnerability makes Lakehurst worth watching, especially in a business where 18-year-olds can develop the thousand-yard-stare pretty quickly."When I was younger I drank a lot," she said. "I was unhappy all the time. I liked cocaine. But now I don't. I want to feel more." Previously: Riding on the Metro; Urban Friction: Sexual Equality in Chicago See also: Alix Lakehurst Labels: alix lakehurst, avn08, chicago, websites, WGL, zaftig ¶ Tuesday, March 04, 2008 9 Comments Links to this post
Monday, March 03, 2008
Kiss Attack (but not the Kiss Army)
 Carlos Batts has been making a movie that he calls "The Blade Runner of Porn," Kiss Attack. "This is the movie I want to be measured by," he said. "I'm really proud of it." Featuring burlesque dancers, luchadores, martial artists, a standup comedian for good measure, and as always, Batts' partner in crime April Flores, Kiss Attack is the not-difficult-to-follow story of the five daughters of Vlad Drakul, each of whom is armed with a lethal lipstick created by Drakul's henchman, Mr. Experiment. Experiment's son, VMMX, is twisted with jealousy over the attention his father pays to the ladies, and vows to destroy them with the help of his gang, the Fleshers. "I'm not alt," Batts said. "This is a totally new thing." Shot in Los Angeles, Kiss Attack also features original music and comic storyboarding in addition to stars Flores, Sasha Gray, Claudia Rossi, Sara Vandella, and Damon Pierce as Mr. Experiment, who totally stole my look. Claudia Rossi is Cleopatra. She doesn't look Egyptian, but who does anymore? Flores is Ms. Sangre. She is acting circles around her scene partner. This is my favorite picture. Cholita makes an excellent hood ornament.Previously: April Flores: Diva; At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; Report: Purchases of "Gene Simmons" sex tape limited to people who already find Gene Simmons repugnant See also: Carlos Batts Labels: april flores, bbw, carlos batts, cholita, claudia rossi, fotos, pinups, sara vandella, sasha grey, WGL, zaftig ¶ Monday, March 03, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Minstrel in the Gallery Bertinelli
 "Grams, you don't spend enough time synthesizing the appeal of Jethro Tull and One Day at a Time on your award-winning web-site," is a complaint I hear almost as often as "How come you don't think I'm a genius the way my mom does?"I have started to compile a comprehensive list of the photos I've taken in the event that I am taken down in a hail of bullets as is so often the fate of crusading porn journalists who know too much about how most of the cumshots in gay porn and interactive straight videos are fake. You can look at the starter gallery page here. Labels: "set visits", fotos, WGL ¶ Saturday, February 23, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tragedy: Sunny no longer loves Matt
 Sunny Leone has broken up with fiancé Matt Erickson, her first onscreen male partner, making the title of her Boy/Girl debut, Sunny Loves Matt, retroactively incorrect.The Canoga Park-based International Porn Naming Registry voted Thursday to add a silent "...at least when this movie was shot" to the title. Should the movie win any awards or otherwise be mentioned aloud, the speaker will be required to indicate the amendment with a subtle undulating hand gesture. The "...at least..." amendment was first invoked in 1998, when reality porn company Empowerment released Real East Coast College Lesbians, only to be rebuked by a Family Research Council study that found that 100 percent of the cast had bolted to heterosexual relationships within seven days of graduation. Leone is now working with other male talent, but is not engaged to them. Read the review of Sunny Loves Matt here. Previously: Sunny Leone channels Sir Mixalot See also: Vivid Labels: standards and practices, sunny leone, vivid, WGL ¶ Thursday, February 21, 2008 4 Comments Links to this post
Monday, February 18, 2008
Memphis gets back to me re: boobs
 People drift in and out of our lives so often, especially in porn, as the caprices of Fate dictate our schedules, geography, partners, and spirochete trajectory.We can't grow attached to things - even our original breasts. So I was happy to receive an answer from a three-month old request of Memphis Monroe to show me her new boobs, which she got last fall, and which are now old enough to marry in Monroe's native Kentucky (where I am a Colonel). As you can see, Monroe's new additions are so versatile that she used them to steer right off that couch onto the ottoman. Previously: Sixty Seconds with Memphis Monroe See also: Memphis Monroe Labels: boobs, memphis monroe, WGL ¶ Monday, February 18, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Got Silk?
 Holy Fuck, this one worked so much better than my "Got Rainer Maria Rilke?" headline from all the porn weddings I perform.At a recent abridged version of a "Pussy Party," Flower Tucci, Amber Peach, and Heather Silk got together at Flower's house to shoot promos for a Cousin Stevie pilot as well as content for each other's websites. Silk, who happens to be lactating, added some vitamin D to the all-girl, protein-free proceedings while Tucci proved an able spokesmodel for products ranging from laptops to bongs to Boston Terriers and Peach just looked adorable. When asked how she chose her porn name, Silk replied that an old boyfriend had referred to her vagina as "Silky Thumper." See the gallery here. Previously: Scenes from a Pussy Party See also: Cousin Stevie, Amber Peach, Flower Tucci, Heather Silk Labels: "set visits", amber peach, Cousin Stevie, flower tucci, heather silk, las drogas, pussy party, WGL ¶ Sunday, February 17, 2008 3 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Today in porn pools
 Now that it's a frigid 67 degrees in Porn Valley, let's take a look at some home swimming pools and how they figure into this multi-billion dollar industry that pays me so much goddamn money.Here is Flower Tucci hosing down her West Hills poolside of the warm soap that until recently had covered her ass. "The hose is very powerful," she said. "Yes," I replied, "but I have a job to do."  Here's the wan and glamorously tubercular-looking Ashley Orion from last month's Barely Legal shoot. It was colder that day and she took it like a champ. Luckily she had a jacuzzi.Finally, Miss Joanna Angel from December.  "I hope you don't want me to get in that pool," she said, but I knew she would if only I'd asked, so deep is her devotion to me."No," I said, "just stand near it and the magic will come." Previously: Meet Ashley Orion; Pussy Party via The Ass; Joanna Angel's Invent-a-lunch Labels: "joanna angel", ashley orion, flower tucci, porn valley living, WGL ¶ Wednesday, February 13, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Free to Bree O or E
 I haven't had this much trouble since Amy Ried.Adam & Eve contract star Bree Olson, who won her Best New Starlet AVN award as Bree Olson, and has an excellent blog that makes me want to put on a few pounds and install cable on BreeOlson.com, is all over the web as Bree Olsen. I wanted to let you know that she is not Swedish, but Ukrainian. Let's restore her her second O to go with the two Es, OK? That said, she shot a scene for Hustler prior to her Adam & Eve contract that was compiled into a movie called Anally Yours. So if her name isn't Bree Olsen, who forged her signature? Previously: Bree Olson to Hustler: Please, not on my face; From Carmen to Kayden See also: Hustler, Adam & Eve, Bree Olson Labels: "adam and eve", amy ried, bree olson, hustler, sic, WGL ¶ Tuesday, February 12, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Finding motivation with boobs in the way
 I complimented Amber Peach on her new haircut, but she said she didn't like the color, or liked the previous color - red - better.She would have to try a lot harder to make someone not want to do terrible, wonderful things to her. Here Peach is with Heather Silk, visiting from Florida for a Limited Edition of "Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party." What I was trying to achieve with this photo was a sense of Silk corrupting the Alabama-born Peach with her big city Miami ways. "OK, Heather," I said, "act like you're saying, 'You'll look more grown up if you drink this.'" The ladies did an excellent job of telegraphing that emotion, I think. It wasn't until I developed the pictures (and by "developed" I mean "downloaded") that I noticed that Peach was already holding a champagne glass, thus negating the complex motivation I had given them. In retrospect I realize that I should have said, "Heather, tell Amber that people like girls who can drink a lot." Because it's true.  Still, I want us to join along in saying that Peach needn't worry about her hair.BECAUSE WE'RE LOOKING AT YOUR BOOBS. Previously: The Famous Vagina of Amber Peach See also: Amber Peach, Heather Silk, Cousin Stevie Labels: "cousin stevie", "set visits", amber peach, heather silk, WGL ¶ Tuesday, February 12, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Stoya avoids labels
 I took a few hundred pictures at the AVN convention, and also handed my camera around to various lowlifes. I have finally labeled most of the pictures in my gallery, but still need some help. Let me know if you can add names to the faces (and other parts).(Thanks already to Devanter and Black and Blue Media for some embarrassing but necessary corrections.) See the gallery here. Labels: avn, avn08, fotos, stoya, WGL ¶ Sunday, February 10, 2008 2 Comments Links to this post
Friday, February 08, 2008
Backstage at the XBiz Awards: A Night of Heroes
 I am not saying that the Porno-Industrial Complex does not deserve to honor itself or that pornfolk do not deserve recognition for their hard work, but I can't shake the feeling that adult awards shows, with their Lifetime Achievement honors and Man of the Year trophies, seem like kids dressing up in their parents' oversized sportcoats and ball gowns and putting on a show in the barn. "...and watching white guys mack their pimpness to doormen isn't how I want to spend my time," added Blueblood.com editor Amelia G. (seen here with the amiable Forrest Black).I enjoy adult awards shows. They are charming. But last night's XBiz Awards, last month's AVN Awards, the XRCO Awards and all the various Kucinich-level adult award events are all the same gig albeit in different venues with differing amounts of money behind them. The audience's tenuous attention to its host at the inevitably tardy start rapidly unravels by the 20-minute mark. By the end, most of the audience has drifted away, the presenters are calling for attention, and the majority of attendees remaining are just in earshot in case their award category is coming up. How often have you heard Billy Crystal tell the Oscar audience to "Shut the fuck up"? It happens all the time at adult awards shows. That said, I always have a good time, because I'm hanging around with everyone else in back. As Porn's ambassador to the outside world, however, I imagine the wry and winking, bemused and condescending takes visiting mainstream reporters might have on such events - mostly because I hate competition in the Bemused and Condescending department but also because I have tender feelings for this business. The XBiz Awards were held at the Hollywood Highlands, a popular nightclub adjacent to the Oscars' Kodak Theatre. XBiz Conference attendees needed only to walk across the street from the Roosevelt Hotel and climb the stairs. Inside were several bars and a large VIP area. I heard there were snacks there, but I left coldcut-free because I kept bumping into people I knew.  One was Veronique Vega, whose new haircut reminds me of a healthy Amy Winehouse that I want to debase and hook on drugs. She is part Puerto Rican and part Tahitian. I wonder if we're related? Here is intellectual filmmaker DCypher getting into a shot of Halcyon Styn and Ashley Steel. It was the couple's six-month anniversary."I am a Buddhist," DCypher said. People might argue that adult personnel are an army of rebels and free-thinkers who can't sit down and shut up due to their boundless energy and First Amendment patriotism. Those people might have been correct about this as few as ten years ago, but if they're still saying it they're dummies. Now it's nothing more than limited attention span coupled with nothing to pay attention to.  Tommy Gunn and Ashlyn Brooke attended the awards, squabbling over who looked better."I have full breasts," Brooke noted. "You lose."  Nina Hartley expertly handled three different gan interactions in our two-minute conversation. Each fan left with a remarkable sense of well-being. Casey Parker pinned Holly Randall to the unyielding brick. She couldn't do it to me becausae I was holding the camera. When last we saw Tori Black, she was crawling all over Sindee Jennings in pasties. It was a magical time for us. But I finally got to talk with her with clothes on."Glad you have your clothes on this time," the 5'9" Seattle native did not say. She has only been in the business for a few months, she said, but wanted to make clear that, though her scenes might be hardcore, she is still a lady. "People forget that women are elegant," she said.  Svengali in training James Bartholet proposes something distasteful to Veronica Rayne. It is very important the world sees more of Ava Rose. I hope she's off tomorrow. This unintentionally arty photo of Michael Lucas and Titan Media's Keith Webb was one of several camera accidents. I explained to Lucas that his excellent Intern was the only gay movie I have seen (other than Quadrophenia)and he quickly suggested several others. He didn't seem to think I should quit while I was ahead. I told Stoya I would put a picture of her on my website every day if I could. I think she must be some kind of witch; she doesn't take a bad picture."People saw my vagina on your site and started e-mailing me about flashing people in Las Vegas," she said. "It can't be flashing if you took the picture under the table with my camera while I was away," I said. That wasn't flashing; it was a gesture of love.  Here's shrewd businesswoman Shy Love. Shy Love fans will be happy to know she is even prettier in person. Pride of Nashua Heather Silk was set to appear in a "Pussy Party" before the shoot was rescheduled. I had never met her before but her dress sort of rides up that way, which I think is a plus. We didn't have time to talk about the Orange Julius at the Pheasant Lane Mall.  Finally, Flower Tucci let me know in no uncertain terms that she's into Satan, too."Let's get out of here; you're weird," she said, which in that context was a huge compliment. I doubt she remembers it, but I gave up drinking three days too soon. As Penthouse's Marc Bell walked to the stage amid awkward clapping and the "Rocky" theme to accept his Man of the Year award, I bumped into a little white guy dressed in a pimp suit. "Pardon me," I said. "It's all good, brah," he said. It was all good. (It would have been better with a drink, though.) Previously: AVN 2008 Wrap-up: I will never spread my commentary again See also: XBiz Labels: ashley steel, Ashlynn Brooke, Ava Rose, awards, casey parker, commentary, events, heather silk, holly randall, michael lucas, nina hartley, stoya, Tommy Gunn, veronique vega, WGL, xbiz ¶ Friday, February 08, 2008 5 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Hollie Stevens' balloon animal
 Hollie Stevens spends as much time naked as she does as a clown, and I think that these are the conditions she presents to people. "Only if you accept me as a clown will I also be naked," her choices tell us.She and photographer Thomas Landon took this picture. And she takes her twin careers seriously, even if the jury is still out on whether there is such a thing as a sexy clown. For example, we can tell that everything in her porn arsenal is being maintained, even if it is not on display. Just as Woody Allen will insist on extras being in costume who are not in the shot, we know by the fact that the balloon didn't pop that Stevens has been shaving. Previously: Hollie Stevens dodges a bullet See also: Hollie Stevens Labels: clown porn, hollie stevens, WGL ¶ Tuesday, February 05, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Adrianna Nicole in black & white
 Close Personal Friend Adrianna Nicole was walking around the AVN Expo and I thought, "She looks great in color, but what does she look like in black and white?"The answer came today when I received an advanced screener of Carlos Batts' Young Hollywood. I'll write a review later, but it was important the world had a sneak peek at one of the signature images of the film. Previously: I am the world's greatest porn director See also: Young Hollywood trailer Labels: adrianna nicole, carlos batts, WGL ¶ Thursday, January 24, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Hollie Stevens dodges a bullet
 ...not only that, but it appears the couch was saved as well. Regardless, Nika doesn't seem to mind.Previously: Clown porn at Comic Con; Night Zero See also: Brandon Iron, Hollie Stevens Labels: because, brandon iron, hollie stevens, nika, WGL ¶ Tuesday, January 22, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Sizzling ATM scene with Jenny Hendrix and Erin Moore
 What?Previously: Jenny Hendrix' breasts to hibernate Labels: atm, erin moore, fotos, jenny hendrix, WGL ¶ Thursday, January 17, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
The Prime of Miss Jean Jacobs or: Would I lie to you, Honey? or: De Jean Vu
 The reason that there is no Oscar presented for Best New Starlet is because novelty is not as important in Hollywood as it is in Porn Valley. in fact, Hollywood prizes known quantities more than untested talent.That doesn't mean people wouldn't rush to buy movies with Penny Flame in them (I would, if I had to pay for such things), but the idea of being the first to commit to film some new porn talent is one of the few things in the adult industry that is still looked on with wonder and awe. Such was the feeling I had when I and a few other gentlemen thought we were witnessing the first scene ever by an 18-year-old named Jean. Read more after the gap.  Since I work in the media I am lied to all the time. This is a story of my trying to not pass on those lies to you.Some people lie so much that I am safe in the knowledge that the opposite of everything they say is true. This applies to certain porn publicists like Jeff Mullen. When I run his press releases, they come with disclaimers. He is OK with that (and he has no choice but to be) because he believes that all publicity is good publicity. Also, he believes that readers of other porn news sites are stupid enough to believe him, and he doesn't worry about the five people who read this site.  After the director Jennifer James lied to me - repeatedly - in a story I wrote for XBiz, I began interviews with porn people by saying, "I will not repeat off the record information, but don't lie to me. If there is something you don't want to talk about, let me know and I will not press it. You are fascinating enough, and my words are scintillating enough, that together we can work around that unpleasantness without drawing attention to it. Just don't lie to me or I will make sure people know it." Most of the lying in porn, and in mainstream entertainment, is of the self-deluding variety. "I'm going back to school," "I can maintain a relationship with someone not involved in pornography," "People respect and are not creeped out by you if you give them teddy bears," or "I use cocaine recreationally" are all examples of self-deluding falsehoods, and I cut them slack.I, for one, say that I am America's Beloved Porn Journalist when I am actually the World's Beloved Porn Journalist. Then there are business-related lies, such as sales charts of trade magazines, the existence of Abby Winters or Simon Wolf, or our deeply-buried lede of the day, the feigned inexperience of Jean Jacobs, aka Jean Laconia. I met Jean Laconia last week on a small shoot run by Porn Week and Harmony Films. She told everyone assembled that she would be shooting a movie for Vivid this week but that the scene she was shooting in a small room at the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino - our special scene - was to be her first porn film ever. "If there's something you don't want to say, just let me know, rather than lying," I said to her at the bar. "Just say, 'Gram, I don't want to talk about that'. Is this your first porn scene?" "Yes," she said. I found Laconia charming and sexy and dirty beyond her years. She said things to Dave West's camera that seemed characteristic of someone who'd gone to the L.A. Direct Models' School of Intensive Pornology.  Laconia (as camera zooms in on her parts): Do you like this?West: Yes Laconia: Do you love it? West: Is this my audition now? Laconia said she was in Vegas for the first time. A stripper from Connecticut, Laconia said she worked at a club in Oxford, MA. She got the name "Laconia" from her street. She can speak Romanian and she likes Jagermeister. She lamented that she had not been told how expensive Las Vegas was, and Gazzman said that at least he would pay her in cash. He also had the following helpful tips we should all employ: "It's good when you shake your tits," he said in a Scottish brogue, and, "It's good when you bring your legs back as well." Laconia had been booked for the Harmony solo shoot by Fox Modeling, a local talent broker. Knowing that she was shooting for Vivid in a few days, I wondered if it was for their Brand New Faces line, which has its performers sign a quasi-legal affidavit confirming they'd never performed on camera before. In an intervierw with Brand New Faces director B. Skow, he told me that once or twice he had been able to find out at the last minute that women saying they'd never performed before in fact had. "We're putting together a 'Caught' section on the DVDs and website," he said, "for people we catch in a lie." When Laconia shot for Brand New Faces on Monday she used the name Jean Jacobs. Shortly after I wrote a story on Fleshbot (in which I noted my suspicion about Laconia/Jacobs never performing before), I received a letter from Woody West, the partner of a Connecticut company called Real Passion Productions. He said that Laconia had shot both solo and lesbian scenes for them before and had been paid to do so. He also provided a link to her promotional work for a production called Adult Toy Story. "We shy away from calling what we do 'couples' movies'," West (no relation to Harmony's Dave) said. "But it's hardcore that we think women will be comfortable watching." Indeed, Laconia talked a pretty hardcore game. Working with a vibrator, she said all the right things for the audience assembled. "I've got a pretty small pussy so let's see how it goes. That's kinda big," she said, looking right at me.  Laconia turned 18 in April of last year and, as everyone knows, no one thinks sexually until it is legal for them to do so. How did she get the lingo down in just eight months?The one loophole in Brand New Faces' contract is if a woman has never done a scene with a man before. So in this case Laconia/Jacobs might actually be paid for the Vivid scene she did. Still, as you can see by these pictures, Jean will have no trouble getting work. Why she had to lie - and I ask this of any person in porn, where the truth is almost always more compelling - is a mystery. Jean Laconia in Gram's Gallery. Previously: Postcard from Porn Week See also: Real Passion, Vivid, Gazzman Labels: avn08, dave west, gazzman, harmony films, jean jacobs, jean laconia, las vegas, real passion, WGL, woody west ¶ Wednesday, January 16, 2008 4 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Cultural learnings of the Abby Winters girls
 Prior to today I had never heard of Abby Winters or the women in her employ. But when I happened upon several grain-fed, exuberant, barefoot Australian girls frolicing on a rolling expanse of Astroturf, I realized something had been wrong with my life beforehand. Seriously wrong.I immediately began pumping them for information, as it's no longer legal to pump them for kangaroos. Q. Is INXS without Michael Hutchence really INXS? A. They should be ashamed to call themselves INXS. Q. What do they call Outback Steakhouse in Australia? "Steakhouse"? A. I've never heard of it. Q. What have you done with Yahoo Serious? A. I think he's in a gutter. Q. Dirty Deeds... A. ...DONE DIRT CHEAP! We were born knowing those words. Q. When you all get together in one room, what happens? A. We roll all over each other. Q. What is your favorite American expression? A. "For shizzle." Previously: Products for your down under from down under Labels: abby winters, australia, avn08, interviews, WGL ¶ Thursday, January 10, 2008 12 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Annette Schwarz: form follows function
 How many times do we see our favorite people stripped of all subtlety, bent over to show us their goods, starving hysterical naked, gaping without context? Well, Annette Schwarz is not like that.You see, she just dropped her keys and had to pick them up. Previously: Mean Bitches Aren't, really; Pushed: Cat Fight See also: Totally Annette, Evil Angel Labels: annette schwarz, evil angel, WGL ¶ Wednesday, January 09, 2008 0 Comments Links to this post
Stoya's phototerrorism or: It's a nice day for a white wedding
 Stoya and I happened to be seated next to each other at a timeshare demonstration when I got up to mingle with the other retirees, pay-per-minute millionaires, and fans of Tanya Roberts in the room. During that time, Stoya took this picture with my camera: I discovered the picture later and did a perfect spit take (but not with my mouth)."It's shaped differently," Stoya pointed out. "It sort of goes to the side." "It's smirking at me like Billy Idol. I can't take my eyes (without a face) from it." If everyone who stole my camera took a picture of her vagina, well, the Fotomat guy probably wouldn't spend so much time fretting about his diabetes. Think what Stoya would have done had I left my Etch A Sketch! Previously: Jack's POV 9 Labels: Digital Playground, fotos, pop, stoya, WGL ¶ Wednesday, January 09, 2008 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Aiden And Michelle's Christmas Miracle
 I don't know what story this picture is supposed to tell us about Aiden Starr and Michelle Aston. Is there labor unrest in the toy shop? Are these elfin sprites angered at our intrusion? All in all, would you say that Michelle Aston's xiphisternum has been good this year, judging from its location (I would)? Whatever's happening, it definitely explains the unusual magnetism I've been experiencing in the pole(s). We at Gram Ponante Towers, Reindeererie, and Barrow Downs wish you a delicious Christmas, if you're so inclined, and if you're not, we're taking tomorrow off anyway. · Aiden & Michelle's Elvish Adventures on BlueBlood (blueblood.com) Previously: Beating up Amber Rayne at the American Hotel See also: BlueBlood Labels: aiden starr, because, fotos, michelle aston, WGL ¶ Tuesday, December 25, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Happy Birthday Jesus and Joanna Angel
 This is what Christmas looks like in Porn Valley, USA (God bless us, everyone).See the full gallery here. Previously: Stuffing? I'm Stayin'! See also: Burning Angel Labels: "joanna angel", because, fotos, WGL ¶ Tuesday, December 25, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, December 24, 2007
Aiden Starr in my office with a Starbuck's Egg Nog Latte on her ass
 My AA sponsor says that I should be more concrete about things, and I chafe at this, you know, as an artist, but I console myself with the understanding that the subject of this post isn't too on the nose (since it's on her ass).Seriously, if Starbucks doesn't recharge my and Aiden's Starbuckscard for this picture I'll be angry; this should sell more coffee than Diana Krall. Previously: Aiden Starr and Caroline Pierce - just because; See The Taunting - then you drink See also: Aiden Starr Labels: aiden starr, alcohol, because, WGL ¶ Monday, December 24, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Joanna Angel in Topless at the Lavanderia
 I needed to wash some shirts."I can make sure your shirts get really clean," Joanna Angel said. "Why does everything you say sound so dirty?" I said. "Good thing we're at a laundromat, then." Previously: A Vase or two faces? See also: Burning Angel Labels: "joanna angel", because, fotos, WGL ¶ Tuesday, December 18, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Joanna Angel: a vase or two faces?
 Somewhere north of her nipples and south of her neck, Joanna Angel noted, the swans turned to fish in the sunlight.Previously: All the Best Cowboys Play Guitar Hero See also: Burning Angel, M.C. Escher Labels: "joanna angel", art, because, fotos, WGL ¶ Tuesday, December 11, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Joanna Angel: All the Best Cowboys Play Guitar Hero
 I took a bunch of pictures of Joanna Angel at her place in the Valley the other day. It was actually cold out, so she looked more at home."I go back to Brooklyn every other month or so," she said, "but I've been out here for two years." Two years. That is shocking. Anytime someone from the east coast refers to California it is by "out here". I do the same thing even though I am Oaxacan. Angel allowed our camera crew to follow her around unfettered for several days, eating her food, swimming in her pool, learning her ways and her language. It was the kind of access one rarely gets unless one provides her with a bagel and coffee. I'll put up some more photos over the next few weeks, culminating with her birthday on Christmas. This picture reminded me of a Pete Townshend album. Previously: Porny Monster; Joanna Angel's Invent-a-Lunch See also: Burning Angel Labels: "joanna angel", "set visits", because, fotos, pop, WGL ¶ Sunday, December 09, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Monique Alexander gets a call from Santa
 Vivid girls are good sports; they don't actually answer their phones while working - where would they keep them?Here Monique Alexander poses with James Deen on the set of her Tease Me. Samantha Ryan was also in the movie, which called for nudity. Read more after the gap. See a gallery here. The director B. Skow and Vivid producer Shailar were on hand in the hills above Studio City. I have been to two of their shoots before; each time I spend much of the day laughing. Porn shoots should be like this all the time. Everything got done, there were no hysterics, no one was late, no one wandered off and had to be called back when shooting resumed because there'd been too much of a break. My rigid sense of order was maintained.  The last time I saw Monique Alexander in person, she was blowing Derrick Pierce in a coffin. "The last time I saw you," I said, "you were blowing Derrick Pierce in a coffin." "That hurt my back," she said, "but the job got done." She is a professional. There were about ten cast and crew assembled in a music producer's house across the Valley from the Hollywood sign. I wanted to get a picture of Ryan and Alexander standing with the Hollywood sign on one side and Porn Valley on the other. It could be the cover of a Chamber of Commerce brochure.  I wasn't able to get exactly the shot I wanted, such is my commitment to professionalism. Alexander and Ryan were very accommodating, though. Instead, I got this picture. It is so geometrically perfect it's like the photo was taken by ancient astronauts.  Together, Shailar and Skow have worked at Vivid for about a decade more than Monique Alexander has been alive. (I will send a porn movie to the first person who can notate that algebraically.) I find stories of long-term employment in any entertainment industry comforting; it also helps the mood of a set when you're with people who seem secure in their jobs. Skow is my elder. He told me about the practice of upper-decking. I imagined planning whole vacations around this practice, like others do with golf. After I arrived, the day went like this: 1. Alexander's scene with Deen 2. Lunch 3. Still pictures with Ryan 4. Alexander's scene with Ryan After what I thought was 45 miutes, I looked at my watch and realized I'd been there for five hours, watching Monique Alexander have sex, eating, and talking about alternative defecation methods. As I drove down the hill I thought that just one of those things would have made a perfect day on its own. (Then I wondered what I was doing with my life, but that was more about continuing to give Whole Foods my money than visiting porn sets.) See a gallery here. Previously: Fiat Lux Kassidy; Hirsch's Heavies heave haunches heavenward; See also: Vivid Labels: "contract girls", "set visits", b skow, james deen, monique alexander, samantha ryan, vivid, WGL ¶ Saturday, December 08, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Sabrina the gang-banged witch
 Here is my pal Sabrina Deep, who sends this Halloween photo from England. I asked how last month's gang bang went."It had more participants than the Norman Conquest," she said. Deep is looking for participants in her Lesbian Strap-on gangbang, which will be staged during the AVN convention in January. Previously: Gang bang across the water See also: Deep Sabrina Labels: because, fotos, sabrina deep, WGL ¶ Wednesday, October 31, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Pussy Party via The Ass
 Sometimes writing headlines makes this line of work seem so tawdry, and unequal to the great events taking place in it every day.Like Nicki Hunter returning to active performing after being sidelined by leukemia treatments for nearly a year, and a dildo that is also a bong, and Flower Tucci letting me use her whipping cream for my coffee. "Don't use all of it," she said as I took the carton from the refrigerator. "That's going all over my ass later." Read more after the gap. Cousin Stevie's umpteenth Pussy Party, this time subtitled (at press time) "Tushies", featured the return of Hunter as well as generous-assed pornstresses like Sunny Lane, Tucci, Olivia O'Lovely, Luscious Lopez, Richelle Ryan, and Alaana Evans.  "We've got the A-team here today," Lane said, A meaning ass, "All the volumptuous girls." "Volumptuous" is a combination of the words "voluptuous" and "scrumptious" that Sunny made up. You must pay her a quarter every time you use it. The Pussy Party experience, as you've read in these pages before, is unique. Women compete for prizes in different configurations, and there is a rotating group of judges. Yesterday's judges included Kevin Blatt of sex tape brokerage fame and a couple of wealthy older dudes who had bid on their judgeship at last May's Skylar Neil Memorial Golf Tournament. They showed up in a $180k Mercedes and parked it next to my Saturn. Inside the house we were equals, though I was the one who got Flower's ass cream in my coffee. Like some directors in the business, Cousin Stevie does not hold the camera himself and doesn't sit behind a monitor. Instead, he's more of a presence in the room. He is a genial, old school guy that the talent loves and that his longstanding crew appreciates, though they know that a "Pussy Party" is a long day of work.  Stills photographer Alberto Lopez (no relation to Luscious) is by day a commercial photographer, and for the "pretty girl" (non-hardcore) pictures he wet down the poolside as if he was shooting a Ford commercial. Flower Tucci knelt on the wet pavement, looking far more appealing than the 2008 Escalade and only slightly more likely to roll over. Porn Valley rental locations in this area of Woodland Hills tend to be owned by the same people. Off the top of my head, I went to the Operation Desert Stormy shoot next door and, across the street, have beeen to at least one of Stevie's sets and the filming of a Roy Karch movie on a summer day that was so hot I think the girls stuck to the pool table (I wasn't complaining).  The houses are surrounded by high walls and gates. Visitors usually park on the grounds. With a few well-placed tunnels and maybe some watchtowers, I think the owners could open a successful armed porn compound. Or the Kennedys could move in. The big story of the day was Nicki Hunter's return. She looked great, like a far more frank Annie Lennox. Who am I to disagree?  I don't know where these guys get their art. Maybe from the same offramp where I buy my oranges, but I had to take advantage of Alana Evans in the only way propriety would allow. She was an excellent Carol Not-the-Brady."My ass is so tight," she said at one point while I was talking with someone else. I don't know why she said it or who she said it to, but that's the type of thing that can draw people out of their own conversations from about 50 yards away. "That's awesome," I said.  Phallix Glass, which started out as a glass bong concern that morphed into a dildo company, combined those exact disciplines into a dildo that is also a bong. I think they should call it The Chronic Masturbator, but no one ever listens to me. Here's Trina Michaels. She doesn't smoke, but she smokes, if you knows what I mean. I sure don't.I left early, to my regret, and joined the steady progression of traffic eastward/southward on the 101. It took me 90 minutes to get home; traffic was like ass, but not in a good way. See the gallery here. Previously: On the Set archives See also: Cousin Stevie Labels: "cousin stevie", "nicki hunter", "set visits", 818locations, alana evans, flower tucci, luscious lopez, olivia o'lovely, pussy party, richelle ryan, sunny lane, WGL ¶ Wednesday, October 31, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, October 26, 2007
See The Taunting, then you drink
 In the center of Boardner's courtyard was a fountain filled with dry ice and a huge candelabra dripping wax. I felt like I was at the freshman dorm for mopey girls, and I wasn't complaining.Director Zenova Braeden and the Spice Network were celebrating (with dry ice and candles) the release of The Taunting, a movie Braeden describes as "creepy but not gory", which is a remark I resemble. The boxcover features Lystra, looking uncannily like Sadako from Ringu and any of the vengeful Asian ghosts that have threatened the popularity of Asian schoolgirls in Western culture. Lystra's makeup job scared even her. Roommates Zak Sabbath and Mandy Morbid said that Lystra now places her television on a shelf facing the wall so ghosts won't get out or, if they do, will fall. I don't believe it but it's a nice story, like "alcohol isn't good for you". Still, you can buy the movie that scared young Lystra. Read more after the gap.  I arrived with Holly Randall, who is working with me on my epic Photograhing the Photographers series. "I go to the same gym as Seal," she explained. That guy uses more fans in his videos than Stevie Nicks.I sat on the edge of the fountain for a few hours and accumulated a healthy waxy buildup on my jacket. It's important at such parties to remain stationary so that people come to me and so that I am not forced to look down people's dresses but instead deep in their eyes as I ask the probing questions that are my hallmark.  For example, "What's new?" I asked Ryder Skye, staring deep in her eyes and not realizing until I downloaded this picture that she was nearly naked. Skye, in the business since Easter (prior to this she was a dancer and receptionist) has been working in several Wicked movies."But a lot of people don't like tattoos for contract stars," she said when I asked if a contract was what she wanted. Then she said that she knew a place that would temporarily airbrush over tattoos for photo sessions. "Does that hurt?" I asked, thinking only of airbrushing t-shirts, which are dead. "No," she said. "They use air."  Kimberly Kane and I talked about sadness and woe, and Haley Paige and Chico Wang. I informed her the latter was dead. I asked if she'd heard anything about heer costar from Avenue X, Brian Surewood."Still in the clinker," she said. Things are grim lately. "Haley was the most innocent girl," Kane said. "Why do the nice girls date assholes?" I asked, the first time such a question occurred to me. "I don't know," she said, "but we all do."  Zak Sabbath doesn't seem like an asshole, but I asked him why he looks angry in his photos."Well, it's either the Gay Prostitute or I Fucked Your Mother look that I cultivate," he said, "so this one is I Fucked Your Mother." I tried to imagine life with Zak Sabbath as my dad. He'd have more hair products than my mom. It's tough that he feels there are only two looks for male talent to use, but perhaps My Mother Fucked a Gay Prostitute might be a good subtext. I'm going to suggest that the next time I am asked for motivation for the photographic tableaux I create.  I hesitated about showing this photo of Casey Parker. It does not convey how nice it is to see her. Instead it suggests a camera phone photo in which everyone nearby is really drunk. I'm only printing this because Casey is much, much prettier in person. This photo is my fault, and not hers.There were a lot of people at the party. There was another room and an upstairs, but I didn't go there. I stayed where I was and drank designer water from the open bar. I don't know why I wasn't drinking; I certainly enjoy it. Maybe I was lazy. DVDs of the movie were available at the beginning of the night but they all got taken.  But then I used my mind to manifest Page Morgan. About a minute before she showed up I thought, "I wonder what that Page Morgan is up to?" and there she was. I like Page Morgan because she accepts me for all my complexity, and doesn't shun me for my petty porn feuds. I asked her where she'd been."I've been dancing at the Spearmint Rhino three days a week in the afternoon," she said. I have never met an afternoon stripper before. "Businessmen come and they hang out," she said. "It's the best job I've ever had." I like hearing good news from Page Morgan. If she'd told me, "I'm really getting into arson," I would probably feel happy for her.  Other things happened, but I was too jacked up on water to manipulate my camera. Outside I saw Zenova Braeden herself, and was glad. She was drunk but I was not, so at first I feared we'd be unable to communicate."I drink a lot during large adult industry functions," she said. "They're overwhelming." "I used to drink," I thought, thinking about the previous night. I felt like I wasn't doing my part. Still, I look forward to seeing the movie. I'll watch it with Rodney Moore's Vampires and report back on the turgidifying powers of the supernatural. Previously: Asian and Hot: Not only but also; Strapped by a Ghost; What, no tentacles?; Porn star or vengeful Japanese ghost? (fleshbot); Julie Simone's method See also: Spice, Zenova Braeden Labels: "kimberly kane", aiden starr, events, geekery, gia paloma, lystra, mandy morbisd, page morgan, playboy, tommy pistol, WGL, zak sabbath, zenova braeden ¶ Friday, October 26, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, October 12, 2007
Mat diplomacy: How prostitutes smell
 The premise of Sexual Catfights 3 is simple: for some reason, nearly naked and mostly bodacious women arrive in a wrestling ring and start having conversations not pertaining to wrestling, but end up wrestling anyway. It's a fun movie that teaches us something."I smell that cheap hooker vanilla," Mae Victoria says to cheating girlfriend Havana Ginger. Later Claire Dames, Rachel Luv, and Savannah Stern find opportunities to mix it up on a blue mat that, if I remember anything from high school, smells like feet (and cheap hooker vanilla). You might say that catfights, like pillow fights, are always sexual and therefore the title of this movie is redundant. But I grew up on the docks, and if you've ever seen two fishwives going at it, you just pray there's nothing sexual. Previously: Brittany Starr will probably fuck the DJ; JM attempts to make wrestling heterosexual; Summer Haze wrestles for the dead, lost causes; Girl Cat Bitch: Interrrupted Slapped Pushed; How you gonna keep 'em down on (Seymore Butts' Ass Farmer) once they've seen Karl Hungus? See also: Nasty Ladies Wrestling Labels: grappling, new porn daily, WGL ¶ Friday, October 12, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Monday, October 08, 2007
Tasteful "Ambition"
 Photographer Michael Grecco's "Naked Ambition: an R-rated look at an X-rated industry", is a coffeetable book that many would feel comfortable keeping on their coffee tables; there's not a lot of nudity.And the high-color photographs, snapped backstage at the past two AVN conventions and awards shows, often appear theatrical or like circus art, presenting the subjects in their porn finery as garish and safe, the way certain accountants dress like 70's pimps at Halloween. Read more after the gap. For people who don't know porn stars, who wonder about their habits and gathering places (but who don't want to know an uncomfortable amount about those things), this is the book to own. The title is misleading in that not too many people are naked, and "ambitious" is not the most apt adjective for a lot of folks in the book, but the "R-rated look at an X-rated industry" is spot on: there are no graphic tales of gaping or semen sharing, gangbangs gone bad, drug or sexual abuse, or suicide, but plenty of the paragraphs that accompany the photos of porn stars are chirpy pieces of personal philosophy. "Naked Ambition" is a Porn Stars Are People Too book.  Grecco told his subjects to come as they were. "They came right off the floor (that way)," he said, his team having set up areas backstage at the awards and off the show floor during the convention. So while Grecco did the lighting and framing and provided the backdrops, the porn stars look as they wanted you to see them and, when photographer and subject work in concert, the effect is a porn star who says something.  Thus, Penny Flame walks offstage with a torn award envelope, having flubbed a line during her presentation. Carmen Hart catches an air-grape, Kirsten Price laughs out loud, and Dana DeArmond gets shut out. We get the feeling we know something.But many of the photos don't say too much. The reader is left with the same sexy/innocuous poses (except clothed this time) as on porn boxcovers. In these cases the performers seem interchangeable. This is, of course, the difference between stars and everyone else.  As a document, "Naked Ambition" is valuable; two years can see a lot of changes, especially in a business with such a high turnover. Thus there's Missy Monroe before her pregnancy, Tina Tyler in a brief punk period, and Jenna Jameson at the beginning of her current incarnation.Grecco devotes an appropriate amount of space to fringe elements of the porn industry (like clowns, midgets, Michelle Aston, and the aged), but to his credit, everyone gets the same treatment. His coverage of the gay side has fewer notes in it, like fashion photography that is less porny than the rest of the book, but again, Grecco says he treated the subjects like a beat reporter. My favorite photos are ones that appear to be in the middle ground between staged and casual. Among these are portraits of Lexington Steele, Cousin Stevie, Charlotte Stokely, and Yasmin Taylor.  "The idea of the book is that it is a journalistic document using the portrait photography and still photography," Grecco said. And to a degree, letting the subjects do the work lets the photographer off the hook, but he's still the guy framing the shot.So if you come away from "Naked Ambition" with the feeling that there are only a few people in the porn business worthy of being called "stars", you know they feel that way, too. Previously: Mary Carey hosts a happening, Art on his sleeve See also: Michael Grecco, Naked Ambition ¶ Monday, October 08, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Vampires in your future
 Director Rodney Moore is throwing a bash for his new movie Vampires, starring Caroline Pierce, Rebeca Linares, and Aiden Starr. You might say that a porn movie about vampires is old hat, but this one is heterosexual.The guestlist-only event will be October 13 at Hollywood's Cat Club and will feature appearances by Pierce, Starr, Linares, Veronica Jett, and Claire Dames, whose name isn't as cool as that of Faye Runaway, but it's a good try. Music will be provided by The Starfuckers, an excellent band I saw at Eddie Van Halen's house. They were fucking awesome. Contact steviee(at)rodneymoore.com for guest list info. Previously: Dark Angels 2: Bloodline See also: Rodney Moore Labels: aiden starr, caroline pierce, events, rebeca linares, rodney moore, WGL ¶ Tuesday, October 02, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Friday, September 14, 2007
Postcard from Porn Week
 Porn Week Vacations was established in 2000 to offset the cost of filming porn movies, and has become an international brand with several revenue streams."We knew that fans wanted to see porn being shot, and that they'd probably pay for it, but we didn't want 30 guys hanging around," said founder Dave West, a Chicago native who began his career in direct marketing before capitalizing on Internet porn. "So we kept the guest list small and invited the right girls." Read more after the gap. Porn Week will attach itself to one or several movies being shot in a given area and open the doors to fans, each of whom has paid upwards of $2150 for the privilege. Since the company's first outing in the Dominican Republic in 2000 (with a stable of willing porn stars that included Belladonna), Porn Week has traveled to the U.K., Prague, the Czech Republic, and has regular stops in Los Angeles and Las Vegas. "We tell the guests what's expected of them so that everyone knows the rules," said director Gazzman, production manager of London's Harmony Films, who partnered with West in 2004. "But the environment is light enough so that lines don't get crossed." That is not to say that guests only watch. If the right guest has been tested and if he (or she) is willing to step in front of the camera, he might be part of the action on film. But most guests are happy watching. "People ask if we're being laid all the time, but it's not like that," said former Porn Week guest and current production assistant Big Bad Dave. Big Bad Dave (not to be confused with West) was learning how to white balance a camera he had trained on Nikki Jayne, a stunning Manchester native in the United States on her first porn jaunt. "But we definitely try to find the women who are not only comfortable in front of the camera but also with a party full of fans."  Guests must fend for themselves with hotels and transportation, but they attend parties with the performers, which are then filmed for XXX Porn Parties, a regular pay per view event. In addition, the guests are encouraged to bring cameras themselves.As an executive at Harmony and a partner in Porn Week, Gazzman has a built-in party destination. Born in Scotland, Gazzman worked for several years directing television in the U.K. and then began what he calls his "porn apprenticeship" filming BBC documentaries about porn. "I followed porn directors around for four years, thinking I knew what to do and what not to do in a porn film," he said. "But I ended up making some of the same mistakes." Gazzman praises writing partner Victoria Stuart, herself a documentarian, who writes porn scripts keeping in mind "that you've got to write them like interchangeable dolly heads, because some of the dollies don't show up." Still, Gazzman's first porn film was the big-budget ($100k) The Scottish Loveknot for Private, which won AVN's Best Foreign Feature award. He has since become known for what in the United States are called "high-end gonzos" but what he refers to as "professional low budget features." This translates to porn with good lighting design, attractive international locations, and leggy Euro models. What is low budget for Gazzman is actually about twice as expensive as a standard U.S. gonzo, but Gazzman tends to shoot at rental castles by the banks of Loch Ness rather than Encino. I always feel a little awkward when attending a porn shoot if the cast is unprepared for guests not involved with the production. I asked West if there was a learning curve since 2000 with regard to fostering a good dynamic between the cast and Porn Week guests. "All of our performers tend to be very friendly," he said, pointing out that Porn Week regular Poppy Morgan has become a face of the show, "but we definitely have to get the right mix of people. In the early days we did get a lot of the performers saying 'What are these guys doing here?'"  At a recent party in downtown L.A. at Eli Cross' and Kylie Ireland's Fallout Shelter studios, it seemed the blend of vacation revelry and porn filming had reached a balance. Guests (who asked not to be filmed) milled around an open bar or just outside as a group of women including Poppy Morgan, newcomer Katie K., Nikki Jayne, Gwen Diamond, and others cavorted in hanging cages, on prop beds, or "Star 80"-style bondage chairs for a scene from Gazzman's "Slam It In" series.The big event of the evening was the U.S. debut of Nikki Jayne who, after disrobing spectacularly, delivered a blowjob to performer Oliver Sanchez, who was posing as a photographer and pretended, at least for a few seconds, that the stunt wasn't staged. Jayne walked into Harmony's booth at Birmingham's ETO adult trade show on July 22 saying she wanted to do porn. "We had her on a plane to (a Czech Republic Porn Week event in) Brno the next Wednesday," Gazzman said. Jayne is tall and blonde and looks like a California girl save for her charming accent. Porn Week does not have contract girls (though Poppy Morgan has come to be associated with the company) but a special effort was made to introduce Jayne through Porn Week, and it has been successful; Jayne has already met with Digital Playground and Vivid, she said. Digital Playground's Samantha Lewis reminded Jayne that the company already had a "Jane", so a possible contract would require her to change her name. Prior to her trip to the states, Jayne was intent on a Vivid contract, but Digital Playground has already wined and dined her and had the good luck of meeting her before her meeting at Vivid. We'll see what happens; this might be the last time you see "Nikki Jayne".  Across Porn Valley in Poltergeist Hills, an area so named because it resembles the rolling housing development built over a graveyard in the movie Poltergeist, the Porn Week guests have gone home but the Harmony crew is still there, filming scenes between Jayne and San Jose's Bobbi Starr. Just before her anal scene with Sanchez, I took a picture of Jayne on the carpeted stairs. "I don't want a pattern on me bum," she said."That's the least of your worries," I said. Gazzman and West explained Porn Week's marketing forks, starting with Bravo UK's midnight broadcast of the company's exploits.  "We are fortunate to have a deal with them in which we retain ownership of the material, they just broadcast it on the telly," Gazzman said. To that end, Gazzman and West may make DVDs, sign pay per view deals for XXXPornParties, and continue to add Porn Week publicity to productions by other companies. Ownership of the product is great.It seems like this week witnessed the crossed paths of two exciting commodities, Porn Week and Nikki Jayne, who appears poised to be very big. I asked Gazzman what advice he might give to Jayne in the American porn market, and he replied with a Scottish brogue, "Ach, she won't listen to an old man." See a gallery here. Previously: Wayne doesn't know why he's being interviewed, either; Czechs for cash; 2007 AVN wrap-up See also: Porn Week Labels: "eli cross", "set visits", bobbi starr, directors, fallout shelter, gazzman, kylie ireland, nikki jayne, porn week, vivid, WGL ¶ Friday, September 14, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 24, 2007
Report: Night of 101 Girls "Pleasant", "Good"
 I attended last evening's Night of 101 Girls and found it pretty O.K.There seemed to be no occasion for the party, other than I recently got my hair cut, but sponsors L.A. Direct Models, Vivid, Skinnie Magazine, and Effen Vodka nevertheless put on a brave face and threw a party anyway. Read more after the gap. The evening was billed as An Unforgettable Night of 101 Girls, and I suspect that, with my photographic memory and obsessive-compulsive disorder, I shan't. But what about everyone else? Someone is bound to forget, and how will that reflect on the adult party-throwing industry's reputation? While I counted only 81 girls at the Cabana Club (I even checked the bathroom and the bottom of the pool), I was incorrect in my prediction that there would be exponentially more guys. It was not a sausage party; it was a reverse-Beach Boys with two guys per girl which, while it doesn't reflect America, makes for hardly a challenge with my new haircut. Besides, who wants to reflect America, anyway?  I hung out with my personal bartender, Jenny Hendrix. She introduced me to the Liquid Panty Remover a couple of months ago and told me she had a new one."It's Blueberry Stoli, pineapple juice, and Sierra Mist," she said. I replied how I could already tell how it would taste coming back up. "What do you call it?" I asked. "My friends in Tampa call it 'Gator Juice' but I've got to come up with a better name for it," she said. My suggestion is Crococide. Hendrix hosts swinger parties. I mention this because she is one of America's Most Affable Porn Stars, and she made sure she talked with everyone at last night's event. Swinger hosts are often different from the swingers themselves. {I was on a set the other day when one of the people I cringe to admit does a similar job as me was shrieking at a visitor, "You're in the lifestyle?! You're too cute to be in the lifestyle!! Swingers are ugly and creepy!!" I have seen people act like the revolted object of Pepe Le Pew's affection when this person walks into a room.} The party had an open bar sponsored by Effen Vodka, which I'd never heard of before. I think open bars are good. This bar was to be open for 90 minutes, from 9 until 10:30, but since the Cabana Club had not let anyone other than a gaggle of L.A. Direct Models in until 10, I had to drink fast. Hendrix and I approached the bar at 10:20. Effen is a Holland-based company. The name in Dutch means smooth and fast. I suspect that the Effen people didn't do too much market research in the northeastern United States, because there their company name is fighting words, as in: "I'm gonna hit you with an f'n baseball bat you f'n queefsmoker." It's like if the apocryphal Chevy-Nova-in-Mexico story were true. But I am known for my worldliness, so I ordered three f'n Cape Codders in ten minutes and no one knew I was violent.  It was good I'd been drinking, because it dulled the shock of seeing Sophia Lynn."I heard you were dead!" I said, averting my eyes. "I was a little sick," she admitted. Lynn's early career in the adult business has been marked by tumult and confusion. In less than two years, she has been a short-lived contract performer for Adam & Eve, an almost contract performer for NinnWorx, has appeared on the same unflattering "Prime Time" show as Sunny Lane, and has had the kind of publicity porn people kill for. "There's no such thing as bad publicity," she said. I wish this were a business in which that statement wasn't true. She is now signed with L.A. Direct Models, and said she is working all the time.  One of the selling points of the party for me was that there were to be Vivid makeup artists there who were going to paint lucky ladies like porn stars.I asked Kayla Synz, who had just been made up, if she could designate whether she could be softcore, harlot, or whore. "I'm a little less than harlot," she reflected, then told me she was very in tune with her sexuality. I asked if she was from San Francisco. "How did you know?" she asked. "People from San Francisco use the word 'sexuality' a lot," I said. My BART driver was talking about his sexuality the last time I was up there. "I'm a transgender activist," he said. "Yes, but how do I get to f'n Oakland?"  The makeup lady asked me if I wanted to get made up, but I replied that if I became more perfect I would become inaccessible, and would no longer be America's Beloved Porn Journalist but America's Icy And Unattainable Porn Journalist.Plus I didn't want to get mistaken for Dave Navarro on the way to my car. I saw Ava Rose, who is also with L.A. Direct. I wasn't aware that contract performers need agents, but her contract allows outside still photography and softcore work. She insisted on wearing a drink sticker on her forehead. But she could wear New Haven, CT and still look passable.  I like the way Ava dresses. She told me she's been going to the gym. I told her that she'd look good even as a perfect sphere in a muumuu."I'll tell (L.A. Direct owner) Derek you say it's OK to get fat," she said. I asked her if I could continue my Ava Rose in a booth series, and she agreed. It's important to me that my career has goals.  As I was leaving I saw the Republican porn icon Savanna Samson. It was my first time meeting her. She seemed to float above the crowd a little, and I wondered if that was because of her confidence as a vintner.She did not know me from a hole in the ground, because Vivid tries to keep me away from its contract stars due to the world-destroying heat it might generate, as predicted by Science. Regardless, I risked telling her I liked her in Stood Up, and she smiled tolerantly. "Could you give me a factoid about your wine?" I asked. Not to give short shrift to anyone else there, but Samson is a veteran media professional and she seemed poised to deliver a practiced soundbite. "Well," she said, "There's a little bit of me in every bottle. I get myself right into it and move my hips around." I thanked her, but then we locked eyes and had the following conversation with our minds: "Savanna, it's me, Gram. Why can't you let your guard down and just Be. Be with Gram. Be, Savanna, Be. Be, Goddamn You!"The party was f'n pleasant. Previously: Gia Paloma's fan letter; Hirsch's Heavies heave haunches heavenward; Obama behind porn endorsements? See also: Vivid, L.A. Direct Models, Skinnie Magazine Labels: alcohol, Ava Rose, events, jenny hendrix, LA Direct, savanna samson, vivid, WGL ¶ Friday, August 24, 2007 4 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 23, 2007
China Barbie no dream ho for Mattel
 I spoke with performer/director China Barbie, who Tuesday was sued by Mattel lawyers in U.S. District Court in Manhattan. The manufacturer of the blonde, blue-eyed doll Barbie claims the performer made a "bad faith attempt to profit from Mattel's Barbie trademarks."The New York-based model, who is part African-American and part Chinese-American, says "I am the antithesis of the blonde, blue-eyed girl. It's ridiculous that Mattel is suing me." Read more after the gap.  Barbie learned of the suit yesterday when a friend called to tell her. She has not been contacted by Mattel or the court."I was wondering why I was getting all these friend requests on MySpace," she said. Barbie, who adopted that name in late 2000 because "another model I liked used Barbie, and I liked the sound", launched her website in 2002. She wonders why Mattel is so poky and selective in suing her, when there are dozens of Barbies on the web, and on sites like One Model Place and Model Mayhem. It does seem odd that it has taken Mattel's lawyers so long to find her, but the focus may have come as the result of an unhappy accident: Mattel has had to recall several Barbie products made in China for lead poisoning. Google search terms bring the world together.  "I've always been under the radar," Barbie said. "I did a few movies and then I left the business." According to the Internet Adult Film Database, Barbie appeared in 26 films. She is now directing a line called "Butt Cakes" in New York, where she lives. She might appear in future films, she said, but only those she directs."I'm overwhelmed by this suit," she said. "I'm in no position to fight Mattel. But you can see from my website that I absolutely don't |
