What with our recent discussion about linguists, it seems fitting that we revisit the MILF and address how we should collectively refer to her kind.

MILF is an acronym for Mom I'd Like to Fuck, and in porn we have seen that that term has been badly abused, as oftentimes a woman billed as a MILF is neither a mom nor a woman I, Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist, would like to fuck.

MILF has come to be used to denote any sexually aggressive older woman, despite the fact that the word "cougar" already fits that definition.

But today we're not here to talk about whether or not a woman is a MILF, but how we should refer to a group of them.

"MILF" is an acronym, meaning a word that can be pronounced from the initials of other words. Many people erroneously believe that an acronym is just a series of initials, but you have to be able to pronounce the series like a word. So LOL is an acronym where BRB and WTF are not. NASA is an acronym, as are OPEC, WASP, and scuba. In fact, for words like scuba (self-contained underwater breathing apparatus), many of us have long-ago forgotten that the word is an acronym at all.

At this point I'll agree that it's really important this article contains nudity.

So if MILF is an acronym and therefore a word, is its plural MILFs or Milves? In a sentence, would you say, "I would like to shoot a ropey volley across that desperate group of MILFs" or "milves"?

I think the plural should be milves because it is reminiscent of wolves and turves, as in "I would love to roll those milves in the turves where my buddies and I play golves."

That being said, Tyann Mason and Friday are excellent in Hustler's Revenge of the MILFs. At first I was worried that revenge - as good a reason for having sex as any - would not actually be a part of the movie. But each of the milves has vengeance on her mind in this movie, even to the point of Mason seducing a Mormon missionary.

Revenge of the MILFs

Previously: Alternate dialogue for a MILF movie; Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry
See also: Hustler

Labels: cougar, friday, MILF, new porn daily, sic, tyann mason

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, July 28, 2008 | 4 Comments Links to this post

I love pregnant women. That is why I am so intent on creating them. But National Treasure Nina Hartley, who trained as a midwife before embarking on a career in a different service industry, declares that the road to MILFhood can be both bumpy and delightful. In her Great Sex During Pregnancy DVD, Hartley (who has not been pregnant herself) moderates as two glowing porn stars share their favorite on-the-nest tips and positions.


Hartley is joined by Violet Blue and Tiffany Mynx, both of whom happened to be pregnant and wearing lingerie at the time Hartley came knocking.

Read more about Great Sex During Pregnancy here.

Because it's Nina Hartley Day (except in Tennesee and Canada), Ms. Hartley elaborated on her personal masturbation philosophy that she will share live tonight between 5 and 8 PST.

Gram: Three hours. You're masturbating for three hours.

Hartley: I've never been motivated to masturbate for three hours, either, so we'll have to see! My orgasmic threshold is quite high, and I'm only really good for one O per session.

Gram: You mean O: The Power of Submission (now available on DVD) soon to be a major sequel?

Hartley: No. Orgasm. Really, two a week is fine for me, no matter how many times I fuck anyone. The benefits of sustaining pleasure is the reduction in blood pressure, etc., as well as heightened mental effects. Pleasure/orgasm are altered states of consciousness, akin to the drug experience, so the longer you stay "in" it, the more woozy from the endorphins you'll be.

The longer you can hold off from coming, the stronger the eventual pop will be.

Gram: I'm afraid of my own orgasms. People have died.

See Nina's masturbation session here.

Previously: Nina Hartley to masturbate for three hours
See also: Nina Hartley, Adam & Eve

Labels: interviews, MILF, nina hartley, pregnant, violet blue

posted by Gram the Man at Wednesday, May 21, 2008 | 0 Comments Links to this post

There is so much wrong with the world that even I, America's Beloved Porn Journalist, am often guilty of filling these virtual pages with the reflected sadness of western civilization.

But I am happy to report that JM ("Don't Call Us Obscene") Productions has heard my demands for MILF movies with actual MILFs in them and has responded with a new series, Mother of the Year.

Read the review here.

Previously: Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry; Easter MILFs and the fertile crescent
See also: JM Productions

Labels: alanna ackerman, holly west, jim powers, latina, MILF

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, May 20, 2008 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Is she a Barbapapa?

Previously: The Whore Within Me, Without You
See also: Hustler

Labels: adrianna nicole, because, MILF, new porn daily, WGL

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, May 13, 2008 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Wow.

You know my towering rage when women advertised as MILFs aren't actually moms, so you can imagine the sadness and hurt I felt when Satan made no appearance in Sex Slaves of Satan (say what you will about John Holmes).

Read the review here.

Previously: Meet Today's Peaches (fleshbot); Lemon cream facials; No easy way out for Body Magic
See also: VCX

Labels: classic, desiree cousteau, john holmes, MILF, minireview, Satan

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, May 13, 2008 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I much prefer the term "Cougars" for women of a certain age (say, over 40) who appear in porn movies, because "MILFs" is so often misused if one takes the "M" literally as "Mother."

But I'm realistic. I know that a Cougar in real life might be 40 or over, but adult industry shelf life dictates that a porn Cougar could be as young as 25. So I don't mind a Cougar movie filled with women who just that year became eligible to rent cars.

But no one should be advertised as a MILF (or "Momma," as in the case of this movie) unless she has actually given birth AND there is something in the movie that indicates this. Here is some award-winning dialogue I have crafted between one of Porn Valley's resident Czech Republican male performers and his authenticated MILF scene partner.

BLUTO

I want to make sex on you. Sex on your holes.

MILF

Yeah? You want to do that?

BLUTO

Yes. In doing that I want. The sexing on you.

MILF

You want to put it in me?

BLUTO

Yeah

MILF

You do?

BLUTO

I just said "Yeah." Do you think I find it arousing to have to repeat myself? I don't know much English, but don't make me say the same goddamn thing twice.

MILF

I want you to put it in my birth canal, then

BLUTO

The part your son or daughter descended from, qualifying you as a MILF?

MILF

Yes, that very part, stud

See how easy it is? Just that small amount of subtle context would prevent angry consumers from suing porn companies for breach of contract, because you know how quality-minded the adult market is.

For example, here's Francesca Le in Red Light District's Momma Knows Best. Not only does she not refer to her kids in the movie, but she also bites her finger as if she's a schoolgirl.

So what is she? The mixed messages are flying fast and furious here. What must the test audiences have said?



Previously: Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry
See also: Red Light District

Labels: "red light district", cougar, francesca le, MILF, script

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, May 12, 2008 | 3 Comments Links to this post

The accepted way for your hi-larious officemate to make fun of a porn movie is to add a ridiculously high number to a wacky title that probably already exists.

"My neighbor's wife should be in My Hot Wife Is Fucking Blackzilla 48," he'll say. You will then check your watch and accurately predict that Blackzilla will work his way up to that number sometime in August.

But now and then a title that is too weird to be fake will show up, and we look around for telltale signs of the Apocalypse: not wishing Clinton was back in office, etc.

The porn industry, as anyone working within it will tell you, does a remarkable job of self-policing. Not only are there mandatory HIV tests, the results of which are available to anyone on set, but also the redundant forms of identity documentation required for 2257 compliance.

Why, then, does no one ever ask a performer in a MILF movie Have you ever given birth to a child?

The last straw came today when a copy of Transsexual MILFS 3 arrived. What they mean to say is Old Trannies, but instead they have sullied the sacred role of porn motherhood by populating a movie teeming with elderly transgendered Brazilian men and calling it a MILF movie.

Now if these men had fathered children at one point, they could have the -ILF ending but a new first letter would have to be applied.

I spoke with Loup Perch-Tounge, chairman of the International Porn Standards Office based in Van Nuys.

"I can assure you that none of these women packs her kids off to school with a nice, hot lunch," he said.



Previously: Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry
See also: Juicy Entertainment

Labels: loup, MILF, new porn daily, the horror, transsexual

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, April 29, 2008 | 4 Comments Links to this post

When I think of California's Inland Empire I don't think of meth labs and the slow devastation of the Salton Sea, I think of Kelly Madison.

As you know, there is no real reason to travel south of Los Angeles County save for:

1. Disneyland
2. Tijuana, and
3. California Adventure's new "Donkeys of the Red Zone" ride

...but the idea of bumping into Kelly Madison on one of her shrieking, tequila-soaked girl hunts with her amiable husband, Ryan, seems worth four bucks a gallon in gas.

Here is Madison, 40, sealing the deal with Sienna West in Dirty 30s #6, in which every performer is over 30. It's like an AARP convention.



Previously: Kelly Madison returns to the womb; Kelly Madison: Why Titties?; Anti-909 sentiment rampant among strippers
See also: Pornfidelity

Labels: kelly madison, MILF, ryan madison, sienna west

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, April 08, 2008 | 0 Comments Links to this post

According to independent auditing agency The Merkin Group, women are labeled "porn stars" upon their first appearance in a pornographic movie, whereas their mainstream counterparts often struggle for years to be known as "stars," sharing trailers and being hit on by Tim Allen.

That is why it is appropriate to call an event Porn Star Karaoke even if many of the individuals attending are not recognizable from masturbatory fantasies (aside from the waitresses). Tomorrow, however, there will be no question.

Kylie Ireland and Tom Byron will be stopping by Sardo's Bar in Burbank in support of Byron's latest MILF movie, Seasoned Players 4, which also stars Ginger Lynn and Amber Lynn. Byron has been performing since 1982, which means that women who are now MILFs were not even born when he began having sex on film.

Ireland won AVN's Best New Starlet award in 1994, which means that men who began their masturbation careers to her can now legally rent cars and drive to Sardo's.

Ginger Lynn's first scene was with Byron in 1984, when she was 22. I'm just full of information today.

Previously: Beyond the Valley of Porn Star Karaoke; Billy Glide Night at PSK; Nina and Kylie's Perfect Orgy
See also: Sardo's Bar, Kylie Ireland, Tom Byron

Labels: events, ginger lynn, kylie ireland, MILF, PSK, tom byron

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, March 24, 2008 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I got a call from a well-known MILF who had entered a wonderful new stage of her life.

"The factory is once again a playground," she said.

"I'll be right over."

Labels: blind item, MILF, pornic voices

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, February 15, 2008 | 0 Comments Links to this post

"Well, honey, I have something to tell you."

Amy Fisher and Lou Bellera were having marital problems in April of 2007. They had separated and divorce papers had been filed when Bellera read that she was again seeing Joey Buttafuoco.

"I was buying flowers for her one day, hoping to reconcile, and I saw it in the New York Post," Bellera said. That gave him an idea.

After the gap: Bellera's unlikely scheme to win Fisher back.




"People know me," Bellera, an event producer and wedding videographer, said. "I've got to listen to people talking about what they see in the Post? Eight years we've been together, two children? Now this?

"I thought, 'She embarrasses me, I'll embarrass her back.'"

Bellera, now 57, had been making home sex tapes with Fisher, 25 years his junior, for a few years. Now he planned to share them with a wide audience.

"They were intended entirely for our own enjoyment," he said, "until this happened.

"I contacted Red Light District and made a deal."

Red Light District has made millions distributing Paris Hilton's sex tape as well as those of Pamela Anderson and Dustin "Screech" Diamond.

Didn't Fisher have to sign anything?

"I didn't give a shit one way or the other," Bellera said. "They (Red Light District) said everything was cool, whether or not they had the right to."

Soon after Bellera made the deal, he and Fisher reunited. It was then that he told her.

"She told me what she'd been up to. I said, 'Well, honey, I have something to tell you.' You can imagine that didn't go over too well.

"She started screaming and yelling. Finally, I said, 'I'm not O.J. - I didn't kill you.'"

Bellera and Fisher met on Match.com. He didn't realize who she was until they were sitting across from each other at dinner.

"And at that point it didn't matter," he said. "She's intelligent, she's beautiful. And she's very low key, believe it or not."

The sex tapes were made at home and at locations around the south shore of Long Island.

"And maybe they're not the highest quality," Bellera said, "maybe they're not white-balanced in every scene, but they're real."

Despite Bellera's humility, the couple's video effort is the most effective celebrity sex tape available due to its rigid adherence to pornic standards as set forth in the Barcelona Council of 1997.

Bellera said that Red Light president David Joseph proclaimed what would become Amy Fisher: Caught on Tape to be the best celebrity sex tape he'd ever seen.

But what about Fisher's alleged lawsuit? Was that a publicity stunt?

"Red Light settled with Amy," Bellera said. "They now own AmyFisher.com, too, which I originally owned. Since it's out there already and it's getting such a big response, she's getting used to the idea. She resigned herself to go with it."

In fact, Fisher is now taking an active part in the tape's publicity; she will be appearing at this week's Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas at the Red Light District booth. Bellera will be with her.

The silver-haired Bellera is proud of his work, and Fisher.

"It keeps you young, having a young wife," he said. "It motivates you to not turn to that retirement mentality.

"I'm a physical specimen for my age," he said. "If a guy stays in shape and takes pride in his appearance, that breaks a social taboo, to have an older guy in a porno."

Bellera said there is a dditional footage but he is keeping silent about the possibility of releasing it, or even making more movies now that Fisher is on board.

"The possibilities exist," he said, "but we'll see."

Previously: Amy Fisher Caught on Tape; Gram Ponante announces the Oscars of porn
See also: Amy Fisher

Labels: "red light district", amy fisher, celebrity, hype, interviews, lou bellera, MILF

posted by Gram the Man at Sunday, January 06, 2008 | 3 Comments Links to this post

Of the debates that occasionally tear Porn Valley asunder, there is none so divisive as what constitutes squirting and what is peeing. And if there was a movie about 'MILF"s who "squirt", well, we'd be here all day.

I received two movies today, one called Super Squirters 4 and one called Tinkle Time 2. Both used alliteration, both used multiples of 2 in the title. The following might be heresy, but Was the substance that came out similar, too?

Can you tell what the people in the next two pages are about to do?



Here is Sophie Dee. Everything she does is wonderful, and Welsh. But what is she about to do?

This is a little bit arty. I know all about art.

Maybe this is a no-brainer because Flower Tucci is so closely associated with squirting. But don't typecast her.

Here Otto Bauer and Audrey Hollander command Chelsie Rae to do something on the grass. What will it be?

Tinkle Time 2

Super Squirters 4

Previously: Porner's Almanac Week 4; Squirting and self-censorship
See also: JM Productions, Venom

Labels: audrey hollander, chelsie rae, flower tucci, MILF, new porn daily, otto bauer, sophie dee, squirting, urination

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, December 13, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Here is Tristan Taormino watching a blowjob being performed in Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Oral Sex #2: Fellatio. Her posture is laudable.

Read more after the gap.



Here is Dave Cummings watching sex being had in the latest Screw My Wife, Please movie. If he didn't have the option of a railing to lean on, he'd probably be sitting up straight, too. After all, he was in the military.


















With the previous two photographs I was left thinking, "Well I know why two of those people are there..."

Here is director Roy Karch giving pointers to Darryl Hannah. The Karch photo was taken on the set of his movie Night Shift Nurses: Escort Service.

I told you it was a small gallery.

Previously: Night Shift Nurses - sweat lodge; Tristan Taormino's House of Ass

Labels: "roy karch", darryl hannah, dave cummings, fotos, MILF, tristan taormino

posted by Gram the Man at Thursday, October 04, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

At no point in JM Productions' Wife, Mother, Whore are the five female performers (including Alison Pierce, above) asked if they themselves gave birth to their children, but neither is this movie marketed as a MILF title. And for that honesty I am grateful.

Each of the women in this movie not only has children but is also married and accepts money for having sex. I haven't seen such a truthful title since I've Been Sodomized.

Previously: I Heart Suckable; Transsexual MILFs; A bit of the old in-out for Chelsie Rae
See also: JM Productions

Labels: alison pierce, JM, MILF

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, July 30, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I went to college with a guy named Brian and a woman named Jennifer (as did many of us). One day, Brian came into our dorm's common room, prior to the television being tossed out the window, and said:

"Jen's got nips that are two and a half inches out."

Read more about my confusion at this statement and how it turns out Vicky Vette wasn't in my Economics class, one click away.

In the older porn performer world, few hold a candle to Vicky Vette, who this week announced she has two-and-a-half inch nipples. Unfortunately what Vette calls nipples are actually her areolae, the pigmented areas surrounding her nipples.

Vicky supplies a picture of her areola against a Stanley measuring tape. I hate to school porn stars on aspects of their own anatomies, but Hey, I'm a Latin fan.

Now Havana Ginger - that chick's areolae must be about three feet in diameter.

When I read Vette's claim of such huge nipples I naturally assumed that yet another person from my numerous almae matres had taken up a porn career. Oh well.

Anyway, when Brian came into our common area I thought he was talking about Jennifer's ethnicity, which happened to be Japanese, because why say "nip" when "nipple" is just one syllable more?

I later saw Jennifer's nips myself (after she'd washed Brian off them) and they were totally 2.5" perpendicular to her body. In fact, they were perpendictastic. I measured them with a ruler I'd had since second grade and, with a little work, we got the left one out to 2 and 7/8". I should've taken pictures, but I wasn't that kind of person then.

Anyway, Vicky Vette, her areolae, and every other glorious part of her will be appearing tonight at SexCamCentral and Wednesday with Lisa Sparxxx in a special "Presidential Boob Debate".

Don't worry, Vicky, I'm sure Sen. Sam Brownback couldn't point out an areola, either.

Previously: Recovering Vette; No Morals!
See also: Vicky Vette, The difference between an areola and an aureola

Labels: breasts, cams, havana ginger, MILF, sic, vicky vette, website

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, July 23, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

Each week I put away a few of the movies that are sent to me for mention on this and some of the other sites I write for. When I found Rob Spallone's Chocolate MILF with a woman named Delotta Brown on the cover, well, I knew I had a winner.

The name Delotta Brown hearkened back to the sassy hootchie ladies that populated the blaxploitation films of the early 1970's. I know this because our school district was so poor we could only afford to rent Blackula every three months for assemblies instead of Channel One television.

But then I noticed Suckable. I have a feeling that Suckable turns everyone she meets into Groucho Marx. Observe:

"Hi, I'm Suckable."

"I'll say you are."

Suckable seemed charming. At one point during her scene with Byron Long she said, "Oh I have to return the favor," and he said, "You'd better sit on my dick."

But still I wondered: Why she had decided to call herself Suckable?

Then I saw it, and it was extraordinary.

I thought for a second that she was giving birth and that the child was exiting the way Superman flies.

Her clit looks like a finger.



Previously: My Big Fat Gang Bang: Corpulent Converge on Kat Kleevage; Your week in MILFs
See also: VCA Pictures

Labels: dvd, MILF, race movies

posted by Gram the Man at Tuesday, June 19, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

When we were younger, any nudity was exciting. National Geographic topless pygmies, Museum of Science childbirth exhibits, and homeless people rutting in the alley behind Pizza Hut were fair game.

People in the know would try to tell us that we weren't supposed to be affected by that sort of thing; it was all natural and not intended to appeal to our developing prurient interests. Wrong!

It's true, though, that as adult content became more and more accessible and professional (it doesn't take much to make it seem professional; usually it's just a higher wattage bulb), a loinclothed nomad no longer did the trick. Thus niches were born.

According to the United Nations Council on Porning, a new niche is created once every two days, up from twice weekly in 2005. A growing trend is "sub-niching", which is the division of established niches.

Thus TeenMILFs is the logical daughter of the teen niche and the MILF niche. Officially, a TeenMILF has to be an 18- or 19-year-old Mother I'd Like to Fuck, but as we have found in these virtual pages it is quite likely that the sub-niche will expand and devolve into babysitters, young-looking trophy wife stepmoms, and Moms I Don't Want to Fuck.

Statisticians at Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Yurt, Dojo, and Tannery predict that the TeenMILF niche will further subdivide into Asian TeenMILF, "Chocolate" TeenMILF and Plumper TeenMILF by early 2008.

Previously: All Fed Up: Oh no you didn't; Porn Review Haikus: Niche Edition (fleshbot)

Labels: because, MILF, nichealert

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, June 08, 2007 | 2 Comments Links to this post

Each of us has acquaintances who don't work for the Porno-Industrial Complex who say pithy things like "So, how do you review a porn movie? 'I came three times'?" and "That guy says he's not gay but he's got a tattooed arrow pointing to his ass?" and I'm all like, "You don't understand."

Another joke that gets old quick is when people make up porn titles and then add episode numbers to them, like "Cock-Crazed Cum Demons #42". ("So what are you reviewing today - 'Cock-Crazed Cum Demons #42'?")

It is only because I am America's Beloved Porn Journalist that I happened on a title - "Cock-Crazed Cum Demons #42" - that hasn't been used (as of this writing). The reason the joke gets old is that in 99 percent of the cases the name someone will invent in derision actually exists.

That brings us, in my classic burying the lede fashion, to today's movie, Transsexual MILFs from Trans Erotica and Juicy Entertainment.

Of course the theory of evolution demanded this title happen eventually, but it still caught me off guard. Unfortunately, the International MILF Registry cannot give this title its seal of approval because not a single one of these transsexuals is a mom and I don't want to fuck any of them, despite the resemblance of the tranny above to Tyler Faith. Not that they are not attractive and sexy, but where would I put it? (My knowledge of anatomy is limited.)

My experience with tranny movies is limited (though I just reviewed Buckback Mountain with Joanne Cachapero in this month's XBizVideo), but I feel comfortable saying that a quick scan of this movie revealed couples who were into the action.

Some transsexual movies I've seen that are geared to "straight" audiences feature people who just don't look like they want to be there (you can see it in their eyes, as well as southward). This movie seemed a little more "gay" in orientation - there was no self-consciousness and the editor slowed down the money shots, which is a gay staple.



Previously: Alexis Skye and conditioned thinking; Allanah Starr will try anything once; Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry
See also: Juicy Entertainment

Labels: dvd, juicy entertainment, MILF, new porn daily, transsexual

posted by Gram the Man at Friday, June 01, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

I prefer the term "cougar" to "MILF" because the former doesn't require all the fact-checking the latter does. Cougar just means a hot older woman who happens to be predatory (as they often get in their 30's).

While the cougars in this movie don't act differently from the teens in most other movies (director Anton Slayer approaches them from above with a camera as the women sit on couches - it doesn't make the women seem like they are on the hunt at all), the strange, Vermont furniture-like appeal of Whitney Wonders' breasts sets this movie apart.

Wonders' bio says she was born in 1970, but her name is straight out of the mid-70's. It is like her boobs punched a hole in the fabric of Time.

Previously: Easter MILFs and the Fertile Crescent; MILF, ass definitions continue to evolve
See also: Metro

Labels: dvd, MILF, new porn daily

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, May 28, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

While the adult industry has yet to agree on a MILF definition, VCA Labs has attempted to set in place an integral part of the coming MILF infrastructure: a font which debuted on the MILF Country compilation.

It, too, has become the object of controversy.

"I understand that to be considered a MILF, a woman must have had a child," said Loup Perch-Tounge of the Canoga Park Nipple Advisory Council, "but must the font suggest the word was written by a child?"

Indeed, the heart over the "I" is causing concern among people who believe that the font should be more stately, representative of the nobility and stature of the experienced MILF.

"When you get right down to it," Perch-Tounge added, "there shouldn't even be a minuscule 'I' - the whole word needs to be capitalized."

Linguists believe that an acronym, from the Latin meaning "high word", which is a set of initials that can be pronounced as a word, should be capitalized until the term has achieved common usage.

"Like the common acronyms 'scuba' or 'snafu', 'MILF' will some day be an accepted term in general vocabulary," said Professor Jose Fellatiano of the Universidad de Ciudad Mexico. "But right now the word needs to be capitalized, indicating that it still needs some time to be considered for its individual parts, that is Mother I'd Like to Fuck."

A nationwide study commissioned by the Ponante Institute found that MILF had not even achieved five percent saturation, even lower than Gonorrhea sufferers' resistance to fluoroquinolones.

Despite the arguments, industry leaders grudgingly applaud VCA for taking a stand. rare in a business that thinks all Asians are geishas and that the teenage years extend to 27 if one is under 5'4".

Previously: Easter MILFs and the Fertile Crescent; MILF, ass definitions continue to evolve; Memphis Monroe reveals Dark Side on her head; You deserve a FIP today; Porn Valley font panic
See also: VCA Pictures

Labels: dvd, MILF, vca

posted by Gram the Man at Monday, April 23, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post

"I concentrate on the M in MILF," said Grip Johnson, reclusive co-director of Chatsworth Pictures' MILF Meat 6, in an exclusive Easter interview. Each of the women in his movie has physically borne a child and, according to my research, vaginally.

As we circle closer to a recognized MILF standard, it is indisputable that the M needs to be respected. Should we then pay attention to the irresponsible demands of the faux-MILF contingent, who say that a woman becomes a MILF as early as 26 regardless of bearing (me) a child?

This is similar to the unity government we are attempting to build in Iraq, with the previously disenfranchised Shiites holding the majority of seats and the Sunnis, who comprised most of Saddam's old party, being thrown a bone to keep the peace.

If you compare the Shiites, who agree with the familial transfer of power from Mohammed's line to ours, to the contingent in Porn that favors an actual motherhood requirement for MILF status, and the Sunnis, who believe in an elected or chosen transfer of power, to those who only have a simple age requirement for MILFhood, well, where do you put the Kurds?

Further complicating matters is that the Shiites are in power only in Iraq and Iran, whereas the Muslim world in general is predominantly Sunni. It as if we are saying that the Porn World, long the focus of scrutiny, is nevertheless top-heavy and given too much weight; an oligarchy determining MILF fucks and fuck-nots.

We might say that Grip Johnson is reformed in his adherence to MILF standards compared to the fundamentalist Jim Powers, who believes that not only must a woman be a mother but also must have children old enough to have friends with sexual designs on her.

MILF Meat 6' performers range in age from 24 to about 38. "I personally don't want to have sex with someone old and broken down," said Johnson.

It is worth noting that, like many who espouse fundamentalist beliefs in any discipline, Powers does not practice what he preaches; I have found that, despite his brimstone rhetoric, some of the MILFs in his movies do not even have children.

But I do not call for a jihad on Powers, for I follow Xenu.

Therefore, though I agree with Powers' hard-line dogma, it is the Johnson Brothers who have most closely manifested the true MILF path in their own lives, and why I confer the International MILF Registry seal of approval on MILF Meat 6.

Read the review here.

Previously: MILF, ass definitions continue to evolve; Gram Ponante launches International MILF Registry; Because I could not wait for MILFs...
See also: Chatsworth Pictures

Labels: "chatsworth pictures", dvd, MILF

posted by Gram the Man at Sunday, April 08, 2007 | 0 Comments Links to this post