| --Wednesday, November 12, 2008--
Moxxie Maddron's labia swoop in where Craigslist fails
 The very day that Craigslist announced it would begin clamping down on prostitution ads, the delightful and labially frank Moxxie Maddron declared that she would begin fucking fans.
And because she is kind, she didn't say it like I would: ("Fucking fans").
Starting now, Maddron will select one member of her website to film a sex scene with each month. That's right, she said "member." And that's not all: Maddron indicates that it is the very social taboo that compels her to do it.
"I get all wet and tingly when I think about one of my hardcore fans sliding their hard cock all the way up in me," she said in a statement. "It's so naughty!"
Maddron recently garnered the Best New Performer honor at Tampa's stripper-centric NightMoves Awards and is a contract girl for Seattle's Hellhouse Media.
In addition to the monetary contribution (membership at MoxxieMaddron.com is $24.95 per month), sex with Moxxie must be merit-based and the fan must be of sound mind.
Fans are being encouraged to write in to Moxxie, explaining why they think they should win this amazing opportunity and what they plan on doing in the scene. Moxxie will then select a winner, based off of the most creative and erotic answers sent in. HellHouse reminds fans that no matter how excited they are they should remember to always be respectful and to keep their suggestions legal, safe, and sane. As I mentioned earlier, Maddron's announcement could not have come at a better time. The Associated Press reports that 40 state Attorneys General have enjoined Craigslist to crack down on providers of erotic services.
As part of Craigslist's agreement with attorneys general around the country, anyone who posts an "erotic services" ad will be required to provide a working phone number and pay a fee with a valid credit card. The Web site will provide that information to law enforcement if subpoenaed.
Craigslist filed lawsuits this week against 14 software and Internet companies that help people who post erotic service ads to circumvent the Web site's defenses against inappropriate content and illegal activity. Thanks, Moxxie Maddron, for doing your part! (And by all means get that head injury taken care of.)
Previously on Porn Valley Observed: On the edge of a rainbow in the dark; Meggan Mallone: Head on her shoulders; Sexy Janine hides head injury, signs with DP; Lexington Steele tries to be all things to all people
See also: Moxxie Maddron, Hell House, Craigslist to crack down on prostitution ads (AP)Labels: contest, FitM, hellhouse media, moxxie maddron, prosties, SEATTLE, strippers, TAMPA
posted by Gram the Man
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--Thursday, September 25, 2008--
Lexington Steele tries to be all things to all people
 Lexington Steele needs to make a stand. Even though his new movie, MILF Magnet 2, cannily advertises both milves (women who have had children) and cougars (women of a certain age), thus making the statement that there is a difference, it doesn't go far enough.
As you can see, the boxcover says "All MILF! All Cougar!" That's a strong statement if it's true.
I spoke with Wayne Hentai, Steele's press agent from the firm Plan 9 Media Group.
Hentai: From what I understand, MILFs have kids. Cougars do not. Since I don't know the maternal disposition of the women in MILF Magnet 2, anything goes.
Me: Well, I'm willing to believe that a woman who identifies herself as a MILF is actually a MILF.
Hentai: You trust people.
Me: In your opinion is there an age requirement for Milves and cougars? It would seem to me that you could be an 18 year old MILF, technically, but at what age does a non-breeder woman become a cougar, or is it a skin density issue?
Hentai: It's more an existential question -- when are YOU ready to be called a MILF/cougar?
Me: I'm asking the questions here!
Hentai: I'd say a MILF must be over 27. That's about when girls start getting serious about pushing out the puppies and breeding, isn't it?
Me: I think it depends on what part of the country you're from and your social/religious/educational/financial status. Also if anyone wants to have sex with you.
Hentai: And for a cougar; I don't know. Early-to-mid-30s. You need to ask someone who has sex.
Me: Thanks for your time.
So according to Hentai, cougars can't be milves. Therefore the legend "All Cougar! All MILF!" is erroneous. Luckily no one cares about this except me. What matters is that Lexington Steele fucks them while wearing his sunglasses while one puts her finger in her mouth and the other recovers from a head wound.
Watch Lexington Steele - MILF Magnet #2
Buy Lexington Steele - MILF Magnet #2
Previously: Lex launches latest load litany, lensing lipward-lofting love loogies
See also: Lexington SteeleLabels: cougar, FitM, interviews, lexington steele, MILF, wayne hentai
posted by Gram the Man
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--Wednesday, September 17, 2008--
Stoya has a pretty mouth or: Deeper in the mouth of Stoya
 It is not because Digital Playground is chauffering me and my entourage to the Pirates II premiere as part of its Fellatio on Wheels promotion that I found Stoya's mouth (and its inclusion in the movie Stoya: Deeper 11) so compelling; it's just that I notice a tendency among porn personnel to avoid open-mouthed gapes of joy and instead cling to the habit of sticking their fingers or other body parts in their mouths rather than leave theirs, as Stoya does hers, either open to interpretation or a bouquet of flowers.
Read the review here.
Previously: Stoya finds cigarettes, pierogies in Philadelphia; Stoya sandwich; FitM: It needs to stop
See also: Digital PlaygroundLabels: Digital Playground, FitM, reviews, stoya
posted by Gram the Man
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--Friday, August 12, 2005--
It needs to stop
Have you ever laughed at someone's joke, only to have the laugh turn sour in your mouth when the jokester asks, "Liked that one, didn't you?"?
Have you ever heard a person tell the same casual, off the cuff story to two different groups of people, acting as if the story just occurred to him?
The way I feel in those situations is the way I feel when I see a picture like this:
There is no need for rabbit ears in photos in America, in 2005. A Google search for "rabbit ears" yielded this picture, and now these two hillbillies are on a porn site. Nothing against hillbillies, or porn sites, mind you (A MikeSouth.com exclusive).
And then there's this:
It turns out that the middle finger is the new rabbit ears. I don't know Barrett Blade, and I'm sure he's a kind man and a philanthropist, but the Smokin' Crack director has fallen prey to a porn fad that just makes people look dumb. Why give the finger to the camera? Is Barrett saying, "Fuck you; I've got two women kissing behind me"? Think how many more women you'd have, Barrett, if you were polite! Are you going to be performing Jesse Jane's wedding with that finger?
Also:
Now I wouldn't kick Teagan Presley out of bed for getting pregnant, but the finger in the mouth thing isn't sexy, yet everybody does it. Perhaps a social anthropologist might tell me where this custom came from. There are two kinds of FitM shots: the one above, in which the subject appears to be accessible-yet-clueless, and the one below, in which the subject appears sexually ravenous but drugged:
As the porn world seems to catch on to some trends late (craft services, swag bags, spell-check) and rides the cutting edge on others (pubic-area shaving), I hope the middle finger/FitM trends run their course really soon, to make way for other fads, like blogging.Labels: BARRETT BLADE, FitM, teagan presley
posted by Gram the Man
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While GramPonante.com is written for a tenth-grade reading level (in some countries), you must be 18 years or older to visit this site. Sorry.
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