Porn Valley Observed: Home of Gram Ponante, America's Beloved Porn Journalist

Unless they are used for bludgeoning enemies, most award trophies are useless.

You need to set aside space for them, often building display cases that could better be used for fish tanks or a Pac Man table. People feel awkward around them. They think, "That dude built a display case for his XRCO placque." You need to dust them. You need to worry that guests to your home or office might be compelled to photograph themselves with the trophy up their asses.

I have nine AVN awards, so I know.

That is why I laud the FAME Awards for shelling out some cash for practical awards, to be handed out by Tera Patrick and Evan Stone June 23. The Favorite Female and Male Stars will receive either a Tiffany pearl necklace or a blue-diamond watch, worth $7k between them. That sort of stuff is so much easier to sell than my AVN trophy for 2004's Gram Ponante's Goo Goblins.

The finalists for the awards are below:

Favorite Female Starlet
Belladonna
Carmen Luvana
Hillary Scott
Jenna Haze
Jenna Jameson
Jesse Jane
Stormy Daniels
Tera Patrick

Favorite Male Star
Evan Stone
Julian
Nick Manning
Randy Spears
Scott Nails
Shane Diesel
Steve Holmes
Tommy Gunn

Favorite Oral Star
Ava Rose
Carmen Luvana
Courtney Cummz
Eva Angelina
Jenna Haze
Roxy Jezel
Teagan Presley
Tory Lane

Favorite Anal Star
Annette Schwarz
Belladonna
Courtney Cummz
Flower Tucci
Katsumi
Missy Monroe
Naomi
Tory Lane

Favorite Breasts
Amy Ried
Eva Angelina
Gianna
Jesse Jane
Shyla Stylez
Sophia Rossi
Stormy Daniels
Tera Patrick

Favorite Ass
Belladonna
Brooke Haven
Carmen Luvana
Gina Lynn
Jenaveve Jolie
Jenna Haze
Sunny Lane
Teagan Presley

Hottest Body
Jenna Haze
Jesse Jane
Julia Ann
Kirsten Price
Nina Mercedez
Sophia Santi
Teagan Presley
Tera Patrick

Favorite Female Rookie
Amy Ried
Annette Schwarz
Aubrey Adams
Casey Parker
Dana DeArmond
Sasha Grey
Sophia Rossi
Tia Tanaka

Favorite Feature Movie
Brianna Loves Rocco (Vivid Entertainment)
Corruption (SexZ Pictures)
Fashionistas Safado: The Challenge (Evil Angel)
Island Fever 4 (Digital Playground)
Joanna's Angels 2: Alt Throttle (Burning Angel/VCA)
The Da Vinci Load (Hustler Video)
The Provocateur (Club Jenna/Vivid Entertainment)
The Visitors (Wicked Pictures)

Favorite Gonzo Movie
Ass Worship 9 (Jules Jordan Video)
Belladonna: Manhandled (Belladonna Entertainment/Evil Angel)
Big Wet Asses #9 (Elegant Angel)
G for Gianna (Jonni Darkko/Evil Angel)
Jack's Asian Adventure (Digital Playground)
Jenna Haze: Dark Side (Jules Jordan Video)
Sasha Grey Superslut (Suze Randall/Pure Play Media)
Slutty and Sluttier (Manuel Ferrara/Evil Angel)

Favorite Director
Brad Armstrong
Eli Cross
Eon McKai
Jules Jordan
Justin Sterling
Paul Thomas
Rocco Siffredi
Seymore Butts

Dirtiest Girl in Porn
Annie Cruz
Ariana Jolie
Ashley Blue
Ava Devine
Belladonna
Cindy Crawford
Deliliah Strong
Hillary Scott

Favorite Studio
Adam & Eve Pictures
Club Jenna
Digital Playground
Evil Angel/Evil Empire
Jules Jordan Video
Naughty America
Red Light District
Vivid Entertainment
Wicked Pictures
Zero Tolerance/3rd Degree/Black Ice

Wild Card Category Selected by the Fans
Favorite Performer of All-Time
Christy Canyon
Ginger Lynn
Janine
Jenna Jameson
John Holmes
Marilyn Chambers
Nina Hartley
Rocco Siffredi
Ron Jeremy
Seka
Tera Patrick
Vanessa Del Rio

The FAME Awards will be held during Erotica L.A.

Previously: Evan Seinfeld, Wife to host FAME Awards; FAME recognizes small asses
See also: FAME Awards

Labels: "tera patrick", awards, events, FAME

The second annual Fans of Adult Media and Entertainment (FAME) Awards has announced that Oz star and Biohazard frontman Evan Seinfeld (seen here with Gilmore Girls star Sebastian Bach) will host the event on June 23.

Seinfeld's wife (inset) will co-host.

"We have been fans of Seinfeld's since side one, track one of Biohazard's eponymous album in 1990 all the way to the fadeout track 'Set Me Free' off 'Means to An End' 15 years later," FAME organizers gushed.

"As the Aryan Brotherhood's Jaz Hoyt in Oz, Seinfeld displayed the commanding presence required to calm down today's rambunctious porn audience," sponsor Paul Fishbein did not say.

The F.A.M.E. Awards are a joint production of WantedList, Genesis Magazine, Adam & Eve, and AVN, and are a fan-based adult awards show. Last year the event was hosted by Carmen Luvana.

"The FAME Awards will be the third adult awards show Seinfeld and his wife will have hosted this year alone, making them the most in-demand cohost team since George Burns and Gracie Allen," didn't say Luvana, adding a reference to Biohazard's 2003 album 'Tales from the B-Side: "Now don't tell me they have 'Sump'tin to Prove'!"

Seinfeld's wife, a pretty brunette, is delighted to have been invited.

UPDATE: It's not Evan Seinfeld, it's Evan Stone. And Evanescene will not be playing.

Previously: FAME recognizes small asses
See also: ClubTera, FAME Awards

Labels: "tera patrick", events, FAME