I received an e-mail this morning from a person calling himself (I assume it was a he) "Barock Odrama." The letter concerned his grievances with Adam & Eve's production manager, a woman named Meredith Christopher.
I like Christopher. She has always been cool to me. But I get along with everybody.
While the letter was better written than most adult business "open letters," it will fare just as well, which is not at all.
This is because the dirty laundry in letters like this comes as a surprise to no one. The audacity of Mr. Odrama's hope is that he is writing in a world in which the adult industry is not already thought of as corrupt and incompetent.
When I was at AVN (and prior to this) there were several employees who leaked information to the likes of bloggers named Luke Ford and Gene Ross. the bitterati, who, for their own reasons, were only too happy to print it. Later, after AVN information became scarce, disgruntled employees at Hustler did the same thing. Neither episodes of venting to bloggers resulted in anything other than personal embarrassment for the people targeted. And what is personal embarrassment in a business that produced Dirtpipe Milkshakes?
And the power of the printed word? Seriously.
Think of all the people you know should be fired. Can you think of anyone who actually was terminated due to a letter writing campaign? No, they were only fired when they were recorded trying to trade blowjobs for AVN trophies.
Now and then I'll get a phone call from someone who starts to tell me juicy information about a porn performer, director, or executive. I will refer them elsewhere. "Do you expect an apology," I'll ask. "A cash settlement?"
But I'll print this letter, because it provides a backstage look at how adult personalities think. You will see that it is not too different from the way anyone thinks who has been thwarted, somehow, by the system.
But first an exchange from The Departed:
Ellerby: Cui Bono, who benefits? Colin Sullivan: Cui gives a shit? It's got a freakin' bow on it.
An Open Letter About Adam & Eve
I wanted to comment regarding the latest news about Adam & Eve. For too long, I have sat somewhat quietly in disbelief at how this company continues to achieve constant embarrassment under Adam & Eve's head of production, Meredith Christopher. Instead of being our industry's biggest force with their infinite resources in both the financial and marketing realms, they have instead become a punch line with an ever-growing list of "egg on the face" messes.
Before I even get into this latest "mess," I wanted to bring up previous avoidable mistakes I have been witness to over the years. Under this administration Adam and Eve have had countless issues with the faces of their company, the contract stars. We all know porn girls aren't perfect, but Meredith Christopher could have avoided a lot of the more publicized issues all together or at least taken care of them in house if she understood what was required from someone in her position. For starters she helped drive Carmen Luvana into early retirement; signed a girl (Sophia Lynn) who made national news for instability, drug issues, and saying that what she did made her feel dirty but she needed the money. Meredith Christopher signed another promising star (Ava Rose) who battled both weight and drug issues; did not renew Austyn Moore's contract because she opened up her mouth about their internal problems (Ava did as well); and now Kayden Kross is being brought up on federal charges to add another black spot to the company.
Only Bree Olson has succeeded due to her performances, and the clean sweep she made at all the awards shows last year is due to her work before signing with Adam & Eve. I sincerely hope Meredith Christopher and company do not screw up what is a very promising career for this young star like they have with so many in the past.
The fact of the matter is that over the years anyone who has been under contract with Adam & Eve has been nothing short of disappointed about their time there when all was said and done. Do you think that if Tera, Jesse, or Stormy were under contract there they would be even half the stars they became with their companies?
For their movies, they continue to put out sub-par productions despite spending arguably more money than their peers. Anyone remember the doll that was used as Carmen's "stunt double" in Tail Gunners? What about the top of the guy's head in the middle of the shot in Lady Scarface? (People who have seen it refer to it as the "tumble weed.") What was the last award they won for something they were in direct control of that wasn't "Best Packaging"? Rawhide, over five years ago?
In the past, Meredith Christopher has produced bomb after bomb. There is no quality control with the movies. For example, Eden was a big budget movie to mimic the success of the Island Fever franchise produced by Digital Playground, yet it was publicly said by those involved that it was a disaster from the get-go. Sure it might have sold some copies, but once again, that's in spite of itself. Adam & Eve have a loyal customer base with their catalogs and website; imagine if they made quality movies with quality directors, how much they would sell then?
Meredith Christopher's lack of judgment has not only been apparent in her hires but her non-hires as well. She has passed on quality award winning directors; as well as bankable, professional and high selling talent. Sasha Grey or Eva Angelina ring a bell? If you added the sales and trophies of those passed up by her for what can only be described as personal reasons or preferences, it would make your head spin.
Look, I could spend hours pointing out various other "debacles" under this regime over the years that parallel this latest snafu which was also picked up by the press (i.e. their West Coast office, various other hirings, movies, etc.), but neither time nor space permit. My point is simple; this latest fiasco is nothing short of embarrassing. How could you think that it was even ethically okay for them to work with Eli in this capacity? It would be like them using Paul Thomas, Brad Armstrong, or Robby D. with Vivid, Wicked or Digital Playground's equipment to "produce" a movie for them. She knew Eli was under contract, and the proper thing to do before proceeding on anything involving him would have been to pick up a phone and call SexZ and ask. It's not rocket science. It is basic business acumen and ethics. Now, based on Bob Christian's statements, it seems like nothing short of the old passing of the buck to keep his protégé, Meredith Christopher squeaky clean. And her comments? She claims they're innocent victims? That's nothing short of ridiculous.
The bottom line is that the buck stops at Meredith Christopher as their Director of Production. More negative things have been said about the projects she has overseen than any other person in the same position with any other company in adult. Meredith Christopher has shown by her actions and decisions time and time again that she is not qualified to be in the position that she is in; and it's time they made a change to be the force they should be in this industry. Bob Christian has to have realized this; and if he hasn't or doesn't now, then maybe his time is up there too. Way too many problems have occurred under this administration, and it's time to make a change. Yes you can!
A Concerned Citizen of the United States of Adult,
Barock Odrama
Because the readers of my site are not necessarily the target audience for such an e-mail, I checked around the web (time constraints usually prevent this) and saw the letter posted on the sites of a few usual suspects in the adult blogging community.
Here at the office, we have narrowed down a list of five possible authors, each with his own axe to grind, and one of whom I'll call a wild card, like the Cubs. The place where the writer takes offense most personally, it seems, is in Paragraph 8. Everything else seems like foundation building.
Are the points about the choices (or non-choices) of contract stars and their handling valid? Porn performers are like delightful butterflies - it is always difficult to herd them. What about movie production? Is it possible there is a porn movie that could have all its sex removed and still not be marked as a porn movie - from as far away as space? No. And as far as poaching people under contract elsewhere else, why do you think people use so many names? It happens all the time.
In other words, even if all these charges are true, a letter never changed anything.
I wrote a letter to the gmail address of Mr. Odrama asking for some clarification of his points but have received no response. They're good points, sure, but only if there was some embezzling would any heads roll.
HOLLYWOOD -- It's 90 degrees out, the hills are on fire, and I'm wearing leather pants. I'm walking west on Sunset Blvd. feeling ornery. I've spent 40 minutes looking for parking because valeting my car just to see it being parked within my field of vision strikes me as everything that's wrong with Hollywood. That and the Landmark Forum.
I find parking in a yellow Loading Only spot outside the Crossroads of the World. Little Known Fact: Yellow Loading Only zones equal free parking in Hollywood after 6 p.m. I check my camera. No lens cap. The pictures are going to look as filthy as I feel. I am the Lizard King.
I think: With this hard-hitting observational prose style I should start a blog detailing my two-fisted porn journalist adventures.
I'm walking the two blocks to Boardner's for the launch party of O2: The Surrender of O. I get in and sign a form about the pictures I'll be taking. I don't think the form was meant to be read, as it was handed to me in a dark alcove, so I didn't read it. I just signed it. That's how I live, and how I roll. I roll how I live. It's also how I got a sweet deal on an adjustable rate mortgage.
People are walking out as I'm walking in. You're thinking, "That's a bad sign." Not if you knew these people, pal. It was actually good they were leaving.
Inside it is like the kitchen of a really good party where all the women are wearing assless pants. I stand still (I might have leaned on something) and people appear in my viewfinder.
The first is Ava Rose. Who is not transported with joy when he encounters Ava Rose? A cold, senseless person, that's who. With nipples Xed out with electrical tape and an ass poking out of her Syren latex ensemble (this was the uniform of many attendees), Rose makes me think once again that all I want is what's beyond Thunderdome.
Rose is dancing from Los Angeles to San Francisco at gentlemen's clubs near you (if you live near either of those places).
I am concerned for her psychic well-being.
"Are the house girls nice to you?" I ask. Gyratrices in residence at strip clubs often resent the higher-paid touring "feature" dancers. It's just like the Bolshoi.
"Yes," she says, and she says plenty of other things, too, about Alaska, and Reno, and crime, and the Spearmint Rhino, but I am gazing too deeply into her assless pants to recall any of it.
Then I see both Bobbi Starr and Aiden Starr (no relation).
"Lick her armpit clean!" I demand of Aiden, who is a famous submissive.
"Yes, sir," she does not say.
I talk to a man wearing an ankle-length Cenobite-meets-Matrix jacket. He has just finished reading The Odyssey in the original Greek and tells me that there is a Greek word that means "to burn something down in retaliation." It is my favorite conversation of the night, though I never learn the word.
My next favorite conversation is when a woman tells me she gives the best blowjobs ever and I tell her that no, I don't believe she does.
In any case, a show has started, and Mika Tan is being surprised by the icy hands of Claire Adams.
And then Ava Rose proves that she can delight females as well. Here she asks Bobbi Starr back to her place for crepes and Gram.
Though she was not in O2, Satine Phoenix came dressed for the occasion. Because I posed her in front of candles, I call this photo Wax Dat Azz, in honor of my signature expression around the house.
Finally, Co-Mistresses of Ceremonies Claire Adams and Nina Hartley object to my cutting an ass out of my own pants.
In April of this year I traveled to a place called Glendale on the very edge of Los Angeles, just past Thunderdome on the way to Oblivion. East of Glendale, Southern California musters up a last bit of courage and becomes Pasadena, which acts as sort of a "Glendale? What was I thinking?" but then the whole state seems to pass out from exhaustion. After Pasadena, there's really no reason to stop driving until St. Louis.
Anyway, it was in those Glendabulous conditions that I witnessed the filming of RollerDollz which, even though it's an Adam & Eve film, is probably the greatest Sunny Lane movie ever made.
I just looked at the pictures I took on set, however, and had to throw away most of them. I apologize. There are some good shots with Kayden Kross and some luchadores and a great Ava Rose ad for the snack counter, but most are blurry. It must have been the zombies (as you are doubtless aware, Glendale has the highest zombie population in the world).
Kayden Kross, jealous boyfriends, and the pitfalls of real estate tycoonery
People who come to this site for the latest poorly-spelled and ill-vetted porn world gossip have always been horribly disappointed. Why, the last time I printed gossip was when I commented (exactly two years ago) on the rampant speculation that I had been sold to Playboy.
Regardless, the delightful Kayden Kross, formerly of Vivid and Hustler, now of Adam & Eve and America (not the band; the country), has been embroiled in a court case that, in addition to the litigants, pits those who wish ill on the beautiful against her corporate sponsors.
Kross says she and a family facing mortgage foreclosure were pulled into a scam by a "shitty mortgage lender" in which (as can be seen on craigslist every day) she would assume mortgage payments from the family, who would then pay rent to her. That the mortgage still went unpaid and the family was kicked out of their home is the only certainty in a case called for arraignment in Sacramento on October 14.
Kross says she was duped, the family involved (allegedly) says she knew about the scam all along, and porn sites written by friends and foes call her a victim or a criminal mastermind, or that what Kross calls naivete was actually very calculated.
Adam & Eve, which just lost Ava Rose and does not want any harm to come to its blondes Bree Olson and Kross, addresses the issue as an example of the pettiness of a jilted ex:
This issue is being fueled by an ex-boyfriend who has been charged on multiple occasions and is a convicted domestic abuser. Ms. Kross' case will be vigorously defended and she is looking forward to her day in court to expose the truth and clear her name of any wrongdoing.
Oddly enough, porn is the only place where ex boyfriends enjoy any power whatsoever. Casey Parker's ex shocked dozens when he let it be known that she had, in fact, done porn before, an ex of Kami Andrews almost sent hordes of blowjob-seeking mopes to her house, Kiki D'aire's ex-family continues to try to discredit her to porn fans, and Jenna Jameson's ex won't quit in his designs to release awful movies with her in them.
It would be a shame to think that Kross, who has always been nice to me despite the fact that all I can give her is exposure to a literate readership, was complicit in a real estate scam.
What is currently a shame is that people not concerned with the case at all are taking such delight in it.
Alaska loves porn and alternative search engine optimization
...yet no one is giving me money to go up there to film Ass Road Fuckers.
Here is a picture of Alaska's own porn sisters, Ava and Mia Rose, with their pet Kodiak Bear.
Lest you think this site has been taken over by the Rose girls, consider the e-mail I received today:
Hi ,
We found your website http://www.gramponante.com and would like to exchange links with you.
Please use the link information provided below:
Site Name: Alaska Fishing Lodge | Alaska Fishing Lodges Site URL: http://www.kodiakresort.com Description: Spectacular luxurious wilderness fishing resort and lodge offering unique wilderness adventures in the heart of the Alaskan wilderness on the quiet shore of Larsen Bay on Kodiak Island Alaska.
Regards, Jennifer Galusha Web Resources SEO Alaska Fishing Lodge | Alaska Fishing Lodges
Like Alaska Senator Ted Stevens getting that nice oil drilling company to pay for his porch, Ms. Galusha the Search Engine Optimization lady up there at the Fishing Lodge sure thinks out of the box by advertising her site with a known pornographer.
Oddly enough, some people complained that the last post was too amphibious, so here is a picture of the delightful and terrestrial Ava Rose (or at least a delightful several inches of her) from the movie Hello Nurse!
Sometimes it is important to bring people back to their comfort level after several paragraphs of fisting frog entrails, and Ava Rose is my comfort level.
As America's foremost critic of pornographic and pornotextual material (it even says so on my parking space), I am often asked, upon writing an unfavorable review of a movie, what right I have to say so if I have never directed or performed in a pornographic movie?
A reasonable question if one disregards the following two things:
Do I have to be a chef to appreciate good cooking? If I throw up, am I therefore a bad eater?
How come my credentials are never questioned when I give something a good review?
More and more I am falling out of love with porn features, those movies with stories and scripts, because too often the weight of the parts overwhelms the appeal of the movie's basic porniness. The inevitable disparity between hype and substance reveals limitations less ambitious movies don't have. I think a simple, cheap gonzo movie succeeds much more frequently than one that tries and fails.
I even see a little arrogance in some of the bigger feature efforts, as if just trying should be enough to justify and forgive a train wreck's failure. Only in school are we given grades for effort independent of success.
The features that most often fall afoul for me are the serious ones dealing with sexual obsession, darkest desires, and hidden secrets. People who can't act are not allowed to have those things. And sometimes even porn comedies, those things which I think are closest to the spirit of what getting naked on camera should be, also trip over themselves.
Of all the things that get jammed down the throat in a porn movie, the script should not be one of them.
I mention this because, oh man, I really didn't like Carolina Jones And the Broken Covenant, much as I like Ava Rose and Bree Olson. I wish it could have been a bunch of sex scenes with no script, costumes, or foreign locations. The money saved could have gone for a pizza party at the end of the school year.
Here is an image from the movie Carolina Jones and the Broken Covenant, which I just reviewed for an upcoming issue of the adult trade journal XBiz Premiere. What assumptions can you make about the movie by looking at this picture? There sure is a lot to think about! I'd like you to tell me.
Aside from some of the commenters in this post and this post, I feel that my readers are the smartest humans who happen to also be interested in porn of any website, and I think that each one of you, based on your assumptions about this image, could pitch and sell a perfectly good porn movie, because the rest of Carolina Jones, much as I dig Ava Rose and Bree Olson, certainly isn't one.
As the adult industry adapts to a changing economy it also continues to evolve. Nowhere was porn's dedication to the new sexual aesthetic more apparent than at this weekend's Erotica L.A., in which fans in and out of wheelchairs sampled the erotic future of 22" rims, glass bongs, and scented candles.
And, in a tribute to erotica of the past, porn stars like Jesse Jane, Kimberly Kane, and Sunny Lane acknowledged the quaint fascination some people still have with naked women, like Tera Patrick.
Just as Apple will unveil new products at its annual convention, Mac Expo, Erotica L.A. was the place where the world first got to see the Nut Rag.
"It's a towel you jerk off into," explained someone wandering by the unattended table. "And the towel has all sorts of euphemisms printed on it for jerking off. Get it? GET IT???"
The annual three-day event was, as usual, a more intimate affair than the sensory overload that is the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas. The majority of attendees appeared to be from Los Angeles, as 90 percent of them were wearing Lakers-branded clothing. They milled through aisles lined with booths selling lingerie, naughty chocolates, male enhancement products, and Motorhead paraphernalia, and all seemed to be in good spirits.
Touching Stories
Dominatrix Natali Demore was scared the first time a man asked her to kick him in the nuts. I was scared just thinking about it. "So I kicked him gently at first," she said, "but then he asked me to do it harder and I really let him have it."
"What sort of shoes were you wearing?" I probed.
"Heavy ones," she said.
Adult conventions welcome the differently-abled in a way the narrow aisles of Trader Joe's doesn't. There were a lot of familiar faces among the wheeled set and one guy, a paraplegic who went by the handle Big Daddy, approached Ava Rose and Bree Olson for a picture and they proceeded to get all over him, giving new meaning to the term handicapped accessible. "I know him from my MySpace page," said Rose. "He's sweet." Next time I go to an adult convention, I'm rolling up in my iron lung.
Backstage at the FAME Awards, long known as the White Urban Spice Awards, Nicki Hunter interviewed attendees for the Internet station Rude TV, which is probably the only TV network that incorporates a couple of angry sperm in its logo. A delicious Sophia Santi and Penny Flame dropped by, and onlookers were treated to Flame's capering. Where I come from, we would call Flame a hot shit. (Somehow typing those words doesn't convey the affection that endearment represents).
"You fucked me," stormed a starlet at a FAME Awards organizer as he followed her through the backstage area. "You fucked me!" In that there were plenty of people around, I can only assume we were all meant to hear this exchange. "Fucked" in this case meant "disappointed."
"I hate these things," said Jenna Haze in the media room as she submitted to more pictures, and tried to leave. "But you need to do some soundbites!" she was told. "Nope," she said. "I'm leaving." Good for you, Jenna.
Jenny Hendrix was brunette. I didn't recognize her. I hadn't seen her in a while, and we had once been so close. "I'm taking it easy until my contract with (talent agency) L.A. Direct runs out on July 5," she said. "I'm not hurting for money."
"In that case," I said. "Give me ten million dollars."
"Is this your first Erotica L.A.?" I asked.
"No," the 22-year-old said. "I've been to three of them. I'm old."
Some day I'll be 22. I hope I don't feel that way then.
Justine Joli and Kimberly Kane shared a booth as well as a penchant for alphabetically sequential alliteration. "You should do a movie with LL Cool J," I said, and regretted it even before I'd finished saying it. But you really could go through most of the alphabet with alliterative porn names. Heather Vandeven was also there, promoting her new site, myheathervandeven.com. If only. The three have the same webmistress.
Angie Savage introduced me to her friend Mia Presley. I like that they are friends; it makes me think the world will be better.
Satine Phoenix stayed for the FAME Awards' red carpet but didn't attend the show. She had places to go. I wanted to set up a barbecue in the back to compel her to stay, but it wasn't to be.
Ava Rose was half barefoot. Some day the other shoe will drop.
"I need to get my girls through," said publicist Adella O'Neal of Digital Playground, shepherding a gaggle of contract girls to the front of the red carpet line. "I want to see Stoya!" said Roxy Deville. Me, too, Roxy. But Stoya should also see you.
Aiden Starr was in a cowboy hat. She doesn't know why either.
"The last time I saw the two of you, you were naked on skates," I said to Sunny Lane and Bree Olson. Such a creepy thing to say, I thought. And yet it was true, and I said it. They didn't seem to mind. If they are reading this, they are free to say inappropriate things to me at any time. Seriously: any time.
Notable Products And Services
Little Fetish Fairy (littlefetishfairy.com)- This Orange County-based clothing line has been marketed to the discreet woman who is alarmed by aggressive BDSM gear and wants to appear feminine and willing but not be too in your face about it. It's a delicate balance.
The Pink Cross (thepinkcross.org) - Another organization renting space within an adult convention that seeks to liberate people from the adult indistry. They hand out a pamphlet with the testimonials of Sierra Sinn, Jersey Jaxin, and Becca Bratt detailing the horros of the adult industry. "We don't have anything to do with XXX Church or JC's Girls," said a spokesperson for the Bakersfield, CA-based ministry. "We provide hope for porn stars and porn addicts."
The Chocolate Walrus - "Come and get a piece of ass!" I was told. "Come and get a pussy on a stick!" Naturally I assume this meant the Tijuana Chamber of Commerce had a booth, but I was pleasantly surprised to be given a chocolate ass. This Reno company sells sex toys and chocolate confections next door to the family-oriented chocolate store that manufactures its confectionary penises on the side.
Adult Decor (adultdecor.com) - Let's say you are a swinger or are no longer dirt poor, having recently won the lottery. Then this boutique, which sells erotic statuary, is for you.
Adult Vest (adultvest.com) - This company has some money behind it, and as such it was not apparent to me what it actually did (this happens a lot in the adult business). A small firm that seeks to introduce private investors to adult companies seeking funding for expansion, Adult Vest is like a few other organizations that, in recent years, have sought to bring Wall Street ideals to porn and to bridge the gap between mainstream businesspeople and their porn counterparts. Not the place to go if you want to shooot your first porn movie and need $30k, but a place to go, in theory, if you want to sell your studio or adult trade show.
Natch Snatch (natchsnatch.com)- This Baltimore-based company makes phthalate-free sex toys that "take the tox out of your box." Like many sex toy companies, this one grew out of a mainstream business that happened to have a lot of the necessary materials lying around, in this case: phthalate-free patches for children's clothing.
Clitoraid (clitoraid.org) - Not, as I'd originally thought, a soft drink, but instead an organization dedicated to restoring, through surgery, clitoral sensation to women who have suffered clitoridectomies at the hands of their tribes, fathers, husbands, and even other women. A clinic for the surgery is being set up in Burkina Faso, sponsored by the Raelians, a UFO cult that has close ties to Clonaid, which two years ago claimed to have engineered a device that cloned a baby.
I was attracted to their booth by the sign "Adopt A Clitoris" and a woman in pasties, who told me all about the organization, save for the Raelians and UFO cult connection. As we talked, a couple of guys tried to get pictures of her, and she asked them to stop taking pictures unless they made a donation. They kept doing it so I blocked their cameras with my massive frame. I hope the UFOs will reward me some day.
As I was leaving on Sunday I heard a voice, a combination of Debra Winger and Valerie Harper that made me think of the movie An Officer And a Rhoda. It was Jamye Waxman talking about my frenulum in a Pleasure Chest seminar. After that conversation with Natali Demore, my testicles had not yet descended from my sternum. Waxman, as she has helped thousands before me, returned them to their natural pendularity.
The Longest Line Award goes to Belladonna, whose queue extended pretty much out the door to the Staples Center.
Since it's only April and the heat is already at record-breaking levels here in Porn Valley, what better way to celebrate the slow roasting of the oceans than to talk with Alaska's own Ava Rose, contract star for Adam & Eve and, if there could be a contract star of the pants, well, there too.
Rose and her sister, Mia, grew up in Sutton, AK, a town of (then) 400 people just up Rt. 1 from Anchorage.
"You spend most of the time preparing for the winter there," she said. "It's a good place to grow up, I realize now, but that's why so many adults commit suicide; they work their asses off to get snowed in."
Ava and Mia left Sutton for Reno in 1996. When Ava began dancing in Reno at the Wild Orchid, she didn't like it.
"I'd make a little money onstage but I couldn't stand to bullshit the guys with the lap dances and steal their money," she said. "It's much easier to spread your legs in porn.
"Porn's pretty easy," she said, "if you're clever about things and you know when to say no."
Rose worked for Naughty America, Metro, and Lethal Hardcore before she signed her Adam & Eve contract. Sometimes she would be cast with her sister, but Mia took more gonzo roles and Ava became Adam & Eve's lone brunette. She has appeared in that company's Carolina Jones, Dark City, and just wrapped Roller Dollz.
I asked what she thinks about the term "mainstream" as it applies to porn.
"Every time a porn star is in a movie she plays a stripper or a prostitute," she said. "I like staying where I am. People seem to always want a way into porn or a way out of it. When porn tries to look mainstream, it just ends up looking like Ultimate Porno."
Having a contract allows Rose a lot of time to read. She lives in Hollywood north of Sunset, and her bookcase is filled with true crime novels.
I asked if she read them for pointers.
"If someone offered me a million dollars to brutally murder someone else," she said. "I couldn't do it. But I like reading about it."
What is dating like?
"I don't date exclusively," she said. "It might not be the time in my life for it. It's also a little dangerous emotionally. I mean, open relationships are hard but finding out a lie is harder. Hardly ever do people not cheat."
What do you mean?
"I can't stand jealousy and obsession."
Do people get obsessed with you?
"Sometimes. That kind of insecurity is unattractive. But I'm still young and working things out. One thing's for sure: when you plan for a threesome it never fucking goes right."
Rose is 22. She gets a monthly check from Adam & Eve, a company that probably pays the highest of the major adult studios. Without makeup and wearing sweats, Rose is indistinguishable from any other young actress in her neighborhood, aside from the fact that she's working.
I asked if it was necessary to have an exit strategy from porn.
"I'd like to stay in L.A. and study Criminal Psychology," she said.
And what about relationships after Porn?
"I smoke a lot of cigarettes so I don't know how I'll age," she said. "But I think someone will like me and my loose asshole when I'm done."
Ava Rose hears you call her name, decides it feels like home
Ava Rose's spread (that was just the best word available; I didn't mean to sound filthy) in April's Penthouse is reminiscent of the look of a certain New York-bashing children's author circa 1989, when Rose was three.
The delightful Adam & Eve contract star frolicked through a virtual French country house to achieve the combination of rusticity and glamor that is her trademark. Rustic, for porn, because her boobs are real.
Here is Ava Rose on the set of Rollerdollz. I want to create a series of pictures of America's porn stars in front of price lists, like menus, gas station marquees, and Sotheby's auction items to make a statement about relative worth in 2008. I will submit this as both a doctoral dissertation and as applications for an NEA grant and a MacArthur fellowship.
I think that this is the kind of art that really needs to be made, that makes people feel guilty for not liking it for the reasons I demand but instead because it features Ava Rose's boobs. Then I will say, "This is not porn, it's art; you're not supposed to be sexually aroused by it. You're a bad person because you find boobs compelling. You should really be looking at how much the hot dogs cost at Glendale's Moonlite Rollerway. I'm not actually a pornographer. I'm using these boobs ironically. You don't get my work. Stop looking at it!"
Next, I will create a short documentary of cropping and uploading this photo while sitting at a Starbucks in Tempe, AZ.
I spoke at length with Ava Rose in her Silver Lake home yesterday. Our discussion ranged from why her dog was humping my leg to why I shouldn't feel threatened when the dog started humping a bigger, thicker table leg.
"He likes you," she said.
I should use that excuse the next time I hump somebody. ("But I like you. What? Come on, Baby; I'm a working man.")
"I haven't seen it yet," Rose said. "But I like the idea of Las Vegas in ruins."
You might notice Rose is standing next to a poster for the Spanish film "Ava Rosa." This was not where she got her name. I can't reveal the real reason.
I am not saying that the Porno-Industrial Complex does not deserve to honor itself or that pornfolk do not deserve recognition for their hard work, but I can't shake the feeling that adult awards shows, with their Lifetime Achievement honors and Man of the Year trophies, seem like kids dressing up in their parents' oversized sportcoats and ball gowns and putting on a show in the barn.
"...and watching white guys mack their pimpness to doormen isn't how I want to spend my time," added Blueblood.com editor Amelia G. (seen here with the amiable Forrest Black).
I enjoy adult awards shows. They are charming. But last night's XBiz Awards, last month's AVN Awards, the XRCO Awards and all the various Kucinich-level adult award events are all the same gig albeit in different venues with differing amounts of money behind them. The audience's tenuous attention to its host at the inevitably tardy start rapidly unravels by the 20-minute mark.
By the end, most of the audience has drifted away, the presenters are calling for attention, and the majority of attendees remaining are just in earshot in case their award category is coming up.
How often have you heard Billy Crystal tell the Oscar audience to "Shut the fuck up"? It happens all the time at adult awards shows.
That said, I always have a good time, because I'm hanging around with everyone else in back. As Porn's ambassador to the outside world, however, I imagine the wry and winking, bemused and condescending takes visiting mainstream reporters might have on such events - mostly because I hate competition in the Bemused and Condescending department but also because I have tender feelings for this business.
The XBiz Awards were held at the Hollywood Highlands, a popular nightclub adjacent to the Oscars' Kodak Theatre. XBiz Conference attendees needed only to walk across the street from the Roosevelt Hotel and climb the stairs. Inside were several bars and a large VIP area. I heard there were snacks there, but I left coldcut-free because I kept bumping into people I knew.
One was Veronique Vega, whose new haircut reminds me of a healthy Amy Winehouse that I want to debase and hook on drugs. She is part Puerto Rican and part Tahitian. I wonder if we're related?
Here is intellectual filmmaker DCypher getting into a shot of Halcyon Styn and Ashley Steel. It was the couple's six-month anniversary.
"I am a Buddhist," DCypher said.
People might argue that adult personnel are an army of rebels and free-thinkers who can't sit down and shut up due to their boundless energy and First Amendment patriotism. Those people might have been correct about this as few as ten years ago, but if they're still saying it they're dummies. Now it's nothing more than limited attention span coupled with nothing to pay attention to.
Tommy Gunn and Ashlyn Brooke attended the awards, squabbling over who looked better.
"I have full breasts," Brooke noted. "You lose."
Nina Hartley expertly handled three different gan interactions in our two-minute conversation. Each fan left with a remarkable sense of well-being.
Casey Parker pinned Holly Randall to the unyielding brick. She couldn't do it to me becausae I was holding the camera.
When last we saw Tori Black, she was crawling all over Sindee Jennings in pasties. It was a magical time for us. But I finally got to talk with her with clothes on.
"Glad you have your clothes on this time," the 5'9" Seattle native did not say. She has only been in the business for a few months, she said, but wanted to make clear that, though her scenes might be hardcore, she is still a lady.
"People forget that women are elegant," she said.
Svengali in training James Bartholet proposes something distasteful to Veronica Rayne.
It is very important the world sees more of Ava Rose. I hope she's off tomorrow.
This unintentionally arty photo of Michael Lucas and Titan Media's Keith Webb was one of several camera accidents. I explained to Lucas that his excellent Intern was the only gay movie I have seen (other than Quadrophenia)and he quickly suggested several others. He didn't seem to think I should quit while I was ahead.
I told Stoya I would put a picture of her on my website every day if I could. I think she must be some kind of witch; she doesn't take a bad picture.
"People saw my vagina on your site and started e-mailing me about flashing people in Las Vegas," she said.
"It can't be flashing if you took the picture under the table with my camera while I was away," I said. That wasn't flashing; it was a gesture of love.
Here's shrewd businesswoman Shy Love. Shy Love fans will be happy to know she is even prettier in person.
Pride of Nashua Heather Silk was set to appear in a "Pussy Party" before the shoot was rescheduled. I had never met her before but her dress sort of rides up that way, which I think is a plus. We didn't have time to talk about the Orange Julius at the Pheasant Lane Mall.
Finally, Flower Tucci let me know in no uncertain terms that she's into Satan, too.
"Let's get out of here; you're weird," she said, which in that context was a huge compliment. I doubt she remembers it, but I gave up drinking three days too soon.
As Penthouse's Marc Bell walked to the stage amid awkward clapping and the "Rocky" theme to accept his Man of the Year award, I bumped into a little white guy dressed in a pimp suit.
"Pardon me," I said.
"It's all good, brah," he said.
It was all good. (It would have been better with a drink, though.)
Carmen Luvana's contract with Adam & Eve will end on January 1, 2008 and Kayden Kross will take her place in the trio of the company's contract stars.
Carmen will be making personal appearances on a per-assignment basis for the Hillsborough, NC-based company, and Kross, who until October was a Vivid girl and prior to that was with Hustler, will be signing for Adam & Eve at January's Adult Entertainment Expo (aka the AVN Show), where she will join Bree Olsen and Ava Rose.
Luvana will also be signing for Adam & Eve at the show in her new freelance basis.
An Adam & Eve source told me several months ago that Luvana "just wants to have babies" (though I have not been able to corroborate this with Luvana, or if she intends to have them with me).
North Carolina porn concern Adam & Eve joined with a local Habitat for Humanity to build a house for a formerly unlucky family, and they didn't construct it from copies of Tailgunners, either.
I asked A&E public relations director Katy Zvolerin if the Hillsborough family knew that part of their new home was constructed by off-duty porn personnel, and she said, "the family is very sweet and had no problem with us being porn
I received an e-mail this morning from a person calling himself (I assume it was a he) "Barock Odrama." The letter concerned his grievances with Adam & Eve's production manager, a woman named Meredith Christopher.
