I like Stoya because she reminds me of an Edward Gorey character with all the working parts Gorey himself wasn't interested in. I also think she has a wonderful face, reminiscent of my Soviet forebears. I have recently begun a Stoya immersion program (it's even better than you think) and talked with her via interweb technology at her home in South Philadelphia.
Gram: Why have you left me?
Stoya: I didn't move to offend you personally. I lived in L.A. for a year a couple of years ago, but I wanted to get back to my friends in Philadelphia. I have locational ADD. If any landlords are watching, I'll probably skip out on you in ten months or so.
Gram: The Man doesn't read this website; only The People.
Stoya is in the two-disc DVD Cheerleaders. In the first disc she hangs by a locker and listens to the other girls talk dirty. In the second disc she reluctantly agrees to cheat on her boyfriend with Brianna Love and Manuel Ferrara.
Gram: There was some dramatic tension in Cheerleaders that you don't normally see in porn movies. You were what the movie became about.
Stoya: Oh, I'd say Jesse Jane was the star. I think you're biased.
Gram: Goddamn right I'm biased. But you knew what Jesse Jane would be up to through the whole movie. You had a character arc.
Stoya: Those girls had big breasts.
Gram: That they did. That also set you apart. You worked with the only other woman (Brianna Love) whose breasts wouldn't put out your eye.
Stoya: I have breasts. They're not humongous but they're fine. They've done fine for me as an adult in her breeding years. But when they sit me next to a girl who's 5'4" and has a couple of Double Ds I feel like a gawky teenager.
Until her wireless signal ran out, Stoya led the computer on a guided tour of her neighborhood.
Gram: Do you eat Philadelphia cheese steaks?
Stoya: No. I'm not in a vegetarian phase right now, but all that meat still makes me sick. I like pierogies. And spinach nuggets.
Gram: What about California? We don't really have pierogies here.
Stoya: Well, I like avocados. In fact, I love avocados.
Gram: I don't suppose you can go to the beach. You look translucent on this Interweb device.
Stoya: I have to cake on a lot of SPF-50. I don't care if I look like a jackass. I just don't want to combust. My mother gave me three rules: As long as you don't chew gum or stick anything in your butt you'll remain a lady. Well, I don't chew gum. Also: Don't use heroin. Check. Finally: Stay out of the sun.
Gram: Prior to becoming Stoya of Digital Playground, what did you do, or has your previous existence been suppressed?
Stoya: I shot for GodsGirls.com and Razordolls.com, and I was a go-go dancer at clubs. It was like getting paid to work out while drunk. It was the best job. (Photo by Nikola Tamindzic)
Gram: What do you drink?
Stoya: Candy drinks and old man drinks. I like pomegranate schnapps. I could drink a whole bottle. And I used to walk into bars and slap my Marlboro Reds down on the bar and ask for whiskey. The bartender would say, "Really, Little Girl? Are you sure you're not an 80-year-old man?"
Gram: Well are you?
Stoya: Fairly sure.
Gram: Because if you were an 80-year-old man, I'd be asking myself some hard questions. Pirates II just wrapped. I would have gone to the set but only a select few were invited.
Stoya: People talk about how massive an undertaking it was, but I was only there for a few days. I did get fisted by Belladonna, however, which was magical and amazing.
Gram: In terms of the big Digital Playground movies that are not about pirates, is there a pattern? What's the next logical step in the sequence that goes from Babysitters to Cheerleaders to ... ?
Stoya: They don't tell me because they don't want me leaking it, because I would. I don't know. Librarians?
Gram: Not that I advocate MySpace (now that I have reached my early 20s I have settled down for a more Facebook sort of life), but is your MySpace blog really yours?
Stoya: At first it wasn't, but now it's all me. Someone was writing it for me. I had to say, "It hurts me to see someone writing with two Ts and eight exclamation points pretending they're me." So I do it now.
Gram: That's greatt!!!!!!!! So, you're staying in Philadelphia between movies?
Alix Lakehurst is Greek, and lives in Chicago. We talked by computer, the way they do in Space.
One thing about Alix Lakehurst (who interviewed me for Mr. Skin), is that, like Mike Wallace, she conducts her interviews topless. I, on the other hand, wore a full iron diving bell.
I asked what she was doing for Easter, because topless girls in bonnets is a multi-million dollar niche for my Caymans-based affiliate program.
"Greeks don't celebrate Easter until the first Sunday after the first full moon after the equinox," she said. "So it won't be until late April."
"Oh," I said, thinking: What will I do with all this spanikopita?
Once a nation was charmed when Jackie Kennedy threw open the doors of the White House. Today our hearts leap up anew as Tera Patrick shows us her pink version.
(That is also one of my most treasured pickup lines: "Please show me your pink version.")
Tera Patrick spirits us around her office in this searing look backstage of the adult industry. Cry with Tera as she fears being perceived as a jackass, blanch in horror as she reveals who really does the cleaning. Set your brow in grim determination as Evan Seinfeld refuses to submit to Apple. Finally, crumple with joy as Tera comes to terms with her own Japanese consumer product sexuality.
(I'm using Youtube for lack of a better solution while I build a Flash player for my site.)
Heady with the knowledge that she is about to receive a major award, Jenny Hendrix has four communication devices (other than her mouth) going at any given time.
From my home in Bogue Chitto I contacted Hendrix on our respective MacBooks. She was at LAX getting ready to fly to Pittsburgh for a store signing.
Hendrix uses a T-Mobile account to surf the web at airports.
"So I'm videoconferencing with you now - why do you have three other phones?" I asked.
"One is for my schedule, one is a phone my dad gave me that I use to talk to my family and friends in Florida, and one is an iPhone," she said.
That's right, because it is hard to talk on an iPhone, isn't it? It's like the "i" part is way more useful than the Phone.
"I use the iPhone to sync up my calendar," she said.
The tragedy of porn is not the lives that are consumed in its greed; the tragedy is that young, attractive, and thoughtful people like Jenny Hendrix are forced into lives of servitude to underperforming technology and at least three different cell companies.
But look how she dresses for the plane. That's the future of air travel right there.
LOS ANGELES -- Hot on the heels of Digital Playground and Playboy announcing that the companies had somehow found a way to transfer pornography to Apple's iPhone (due in stores tomorrow), Gram Ponante said that he will be using the United States Postal Service's self-adhesive stamp technology on his personal and business correspondence.
"Licking stamps is for garlic eaters and reprobates," Ponante scoffed. "I am partnering with the USPS to create a world in which all a user has to do is peel a stamp from some kind of coated backing and then to affix it, saliva-free, on any kind of paper-based enveloping device in order to, like, mail it."
Ponante held Playboy's and Digital Playground's press releases in his hand. "Check these out," he said. "I am mailing these to my Ukrainian mail-order bride because my XBiz mousepad just broke."
Steve Jobs has delivered the hardware and now Hugh Hefner has delivered the software. With the eagerly-anticipated Apple iPhone finally in retail stores, Playboy.com is celebrating the glorious gadget with the launch of “iPlayboy,” a collection of multimedia features guaranteed to turn up the heat on that cool, new phone.
"I think it's great that Hef spent all that time programming and delivering software," Ponante, now guzzling limoncello at a Ventura Blvd. restaurant for fat people, said. "And you would be amazed at how far up Cupertino's ass Digital Playground has got."
Digital Playground is pleased to announce an early alliance to Apple's iPhone with 158 full-length trailers available free of charge, for immediate download.
"This alliance will be every bit as significant and effective as the Rebel Alliance in Star Wars," Ponante sagely predicted, nibbling Porcini mushrooms off the concave abdomen of a starlet hanging around outside the shuttered offices of World Modeling.
America's Beloved Porn Journalist reflected that announcing one could put porn on an iPhone was like sending out a press release saying that you had moved your air freshener from one car to another.
"A Playboy air freshener," Ponante added, flash-frying a whole turkey at a tony Sylmar Superfund site.
Vivid Entertainment sales manager Howard Levine confirmed today that the long-awaited Blu-ray edition of Paul Thomas' Debbie Does Dallas...Again has arrived in house following a series of delays. The disc ships to stores next week. (AVN)
Ponante has been touting iLick technology since last year, and even mounted huge banners proclaiming it at January's AVN show, but he only recently sent away for the self-adhesive stamps. Since he pays all his bills online and rarely sends letters, he is thinking of using the new stamps next week to send a postcard to his mother, Lita Ford.
I like Stoya because she reminds me of an Edward Gorey character with all the working parts Gorey himself wasn't interested in. I also think she has a wonderful face, reminiscent of my Soviet forebears. I have recently begun a Stoya immersion program (it's even better than you think) and talked with her via interweb technology at her home in South Philadelphia.
Gram: The Man doesn't read this website; only The People.
Gram: Goddamn right I'm biased. But you knew what Jesse Jane would be up to through the whole movie. You had a character arc.
Stoya: I have breasts. They're not humongous but they're fine. They've done fine for me as an adult in her breeding years. But when they sit me next to a girl who's 5'4" and has a couple of Double Ds I feel like a gawky teenager.
Stoya: I shot for GodsGirls.com and Razordolls.com, and I was a go-go dancer at clubs. It was like getting paid to work out while drunk. It was the best job. (Photo by Nikola Tamindzic)
Gram: In terms of the big Digital Playground movies that are not about pirates, is there a pattern? What's the next logical step in the sequence that goes from Babysitters to Cheerleaders to ... ?
Gram: Not that I advocate MySpace (now that I have reached my early 20s I have settled down for a more Facebook sort of life), but is your MySpace blog really yours?
