The Porner's Almanac

This is Gram Ponante with the Porner's Almanac for the week of October 15, 2007.

I am not a lazy person, but this week I did feel I was working extra hard for something from which I would gain no benefit. A company called Third World Media, which specializes in exotic porn (meaning porn from countries other than the United States) partnered with adult novelty manufacturer Topco Sales to create the Lovin' Ladyboy blow up doll.

It didn't come inflated. Instead, it was folded up in a small square, like a meal from Space. I didn't have a bicycle pump nearby so I was faced with the problem of spending half an hour applying my lips to the spine of an inflatable katoey to blow him/her up. And then what?

So I unfolded her - I called her Cho Cho San - and laid her over my lap and commenced to blowing. After about ten minutes I felt a weird sensation in my things. It was her erection.

Fully inflated, the Lovin' Ladyboy stood about five feet and had a foot-long tool. That latter feature, as it is on many transsexuals, was mostly ornamental; filled with air, one couldn't really fit it anywhere.

Like Frosty the Snowman, the Lovin' Ladyboy went away almost as soon as it arrived. It began deflating of its own accord minutes after I took pictures of it.

Last week I wrote a review of Debbie Loves Dallas, the director Eon McKai's reimagining of the classic porn Debbie Does Dallas. Despite my expectations otherwise, I did not like the movie, and published the unfavorable review on a couple of websites in my vast media empire.

McKai responded with shock and outrage that suddenly the built-in mechanism that had allowed me to "get" him and his movement had, after all this time, broken. I published our e-mail exchanges on my website and you can read them there. You really should. They're pretty funny.

The upshot is, the majority of the comments the article generated were not about the porn, but McKai. This underlines my personal belief that porn is porn no matter what, and what makes it good or bad is peripheral to the idea of filming people having sex.

Birthdays this week include the feisty and in need of some good brisket Hailey Young, 24, the juicy Tyla Wynn, 25, the delightful Linda Roberts, 50, and Kyle Stone, who is 44. Kyle has been around since before Viagra days, and every time I see him he tells me is writing a book with the excellent title "From a Skill to a Pill". I hope he writes it.

Also socialite Kim Kardashian, star of one of the ten best selling celebrity sex tapes of all time, is 27. That movie was even worse than Debbie Loves Dallas (alas, Vivid's offshoot projects, like Vivid-Alt and Vivid-Celeb are doing poorly critically if not financially, but you know which one is more important. That said, I have high hopes for Vivid Plus). What would have been great is if Carmella Bing had played Kardashian in that movie. Bing turns 26 this week; she and Kardashian were born exactly a year apart.

The Porner's Almanac has been brought to you with the help of the Internet Adult Film Database at IAFD.com. For most if not all of your pornographic and pornotextual needs, surf over to Porn Valley Observed at GramPonante.com. Until next time, Don't hate: Inflate.

Downloads

Labels: carmella bing, Hailey young, kim kardashian, linda roberts, milfs, steveporn, transsexuals

Read the Full Story

--Monday, October 15, 2007--

Don't Hate: Inflate!