"I Jerked Off Instead"
Labels: fogelfoot
"I Jerked Off Instead"
She stood on a wet road
She looked thirty five
I circled that corner
At least seven times
I watched as her fingers
Walked up her thigh....
I saw the grim future
And asked myself why
I folded my twenties
And headed to bed
I jerked off instead
I jerked off instead
He stole my old lady
And cut up my face
He drank all my whiskey
And burned down my place
I knew that the outcome
Could just be one way...
I loaded my shotgun
And knelt down to pray
Then I heard a voice
A' fillin' my head:
"Just jerk off instead, Son -
Just jerk off instead."
I dreamed of my fortune
I hungered for fame
I wanted the billboards
A' callin' my name
But something delayed me
On my road to success...
A dark dirty secret
That I never confessed
Whenever ambition
Down the road led
I jerked off instead
I jerked off instead
And if some hot prostie
Is making you brave
Or if there's an outlaw
You want in his grave
Whene'er there's a villain
You want to remove...
Or some circumstance that
You hope to improve
It's a hell of a lot easier
To butter your bread
Just jerk off instead
Just jerk off instead
You won't need those medals
The day you are dead
Just jerk off instead
Just jerk off instead
You won't need that doctorate
The day that you're dead
The world will keep turning
If your kleenex are fed
Just jerk off instead
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posted by Gram the Man
at
5:41 PM 
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