Jazm And Tanks
Labels: amber rayne, cousin stevie, nick manning, nikki jayne, sasha grey, tommy gunn
From Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, and Helipad, this is the Porner's Almanac for the week of September 17, 2007.
You see how it took all of four weeks to completely abandon that whole Garrison Keillor thing. I'm not even starting the podcast with "and".
Three movies I recommend this week are Justin Kane's Spunk'd, Rob Rotten's Swallow My Children and Michael Lucas' The Intern.
First, Spunk'd. This movie by Massachusetts native Justin Kane avoided the budgets and restrictions of Porn's ancient and mysterious studio system to create a very funny movie that features a scenery chewing, "jazm" drooping Nick Manning, a very juicy Penny Flame, and a split screened Hillary Scott. I like the word "jazm."
Rob Rotten's Swallow My Children is a blowjob movie. Normally I don't like blowjob movies because, the way I hold a camera, I can only see the hooker's head. But Rotten hired someone else to film the movie and invited a bunch of tasty girls to blow Rotten and his friends. Around here, a blowjob is just a way of saying Hello, but Rotten succeeded in making each greeting memorable, from Sasha Grey to zaftig purple haired newcomer Daisy Tanks. Tanks.
Finally, Michael Lucas' The Intern is a gay movie. If you are straight, you will find little reason to watch this, but it is one of the few porn movies I have seen that could stand on its own as a movie. A five minute movie, but it's still very funny, well-written, and thoughtfully directed. Your girlfriend will like it. Also, your gay friends will like it. Because this movie is, like, so gay.
This week's birthdays include the 24th birthdays of Amber Rayne and Candace Von. Amber Rayne has a sexual omnivorousness that confounds her Canadian heritage. She was recently frustrated by a carnival squirter at Cousin Stevie's Pussy Party. Also, you can read a dissertation on Candace Von's left breast on my website, Gram Ponante.com.
According to the Internet Adult Film Database, this week is the 33rd birthday of this year's AVN Best Male Performer winner, Tommy Gunn. As I attended Gunn's widely publicized 40th birthday party earlier this year, I think some documentation might be off.
Finally, it is the 35th birthday (we think - after Tommy Gunn, we can't be sure of anything anymore) of Dana Vespoli. Vespoli is very punk looking without stooping to call herself "alt". We admire that around here.
This week I met the Mancunian Nikki Jayne. You're right. I like saying the word Mancunian. If you don't know what it means, I'm not going to define it for you. I hate when people quote the dictionary in the same way I hate when people quote the Bible. Just look it up. Jesus wants you to.
Anyway, Nikki Jayne is a stunning 5 foot ten blonde who was in Los Angeles for something known as Porn Week, which allows people like you to pay about two grand to see what I get to see for free. But drinks are included, so hats off to you there.
Anyway, the newcomer Jayne was courted by both Digital Playground and Vivid within moments of her arriving here, so expect a name change soon. I suggest Womancunian.
The Porner's Almanac has veen brought to you with the help of the Internet Adult Film Database at IAFD.com. For more information about these stories, visit my website at GramPonante.com. Until next week, this is Gram Ponante advising you to stay hard and drink lots of water.
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