Party Report 1/27/06

	Eon McKai’s Neu Wave Hookers Party	April Storm’s “Porn to Rock” Party
Venue	Miss Kitty’s on Santa Monica	Privilege on Sunset
My companion	Ron Royster (r. with Mike South)	Dusty Marie (r. with April Storm)
Getting In	The door was blocked by a woman wielding a list. Getting in was effortless save for most of the media having to leave their cameras. I have been asking various media contacts for pictures for the past week. Oh well. No Christmas cards for them.	Dusty has legs that go up into space. While I was on the guest list and she was my plus one, I can guarantee that if she had not been there all leggy and all I would have been stuck in line with all those other poor slobs. She walked up to the party promoter, whispered something, and we were waved in immediately. “Media and a girl,” is the exact words the party promoter used. The moral (well there are no morals): being female always helps
Door casualties	Benny Profane (“I have to go home anyway.”)	Seymour and Kristen from Porn Star Karaoke fame. I saw them in line and was momentarily overwhelmed to see them so far away from Burbank. The last time Seymour took time away from Sardo’s was during the Kennedy assassination (though I’m still convinced he didn’t do it) . I was reminded of a Sesame Street I watched, oh, three months ago in which Ernie and VBert were feeding pigeons in Centrral Park. “That’s weird, seeing them out of their natural habitat,” I thought. So when I saw Seymour and Kristen I blurted out, “This is like Muppets on Parade”. I think I offended them, and for that am deeply aggrieved. It was even worse when I sailed past them in line. I expect the bouncers at Sardo’s to beat the shit out of me.
Sample conversation #1	Q. “Gram! You want to do a rail in the bathroom?” A. ”I just got here.”	“Is that woman your wife?”
Person for whom I have great affection but did not at first recognize	Justine Joli (she was wearing a wig)	Flower Tucci (she was wearing a hat)
Person who looks like a character from the new Battlestar Galactica	Vena Virago (Starbuck)	Lurk Ford (Baltar)
Music	Trancey shoe-gazey	April Storm’s private DJ who played Kiss, Cheap Trick, and Motley Crue
History	The last time I was at Misss Kitty’s, my date got drunk and passed out. This time, Eon McKai’s date got drunk and passed out.	Privilege used to be a hair metal bar called Coconut Teazer. I once walked into the men’s room back in 2003 and saw a woman peeing on the floor, about three feet from a urinal. “You missed it,” I said.
Sample conversation #2	Q. “Gram! We’re doing rails in the bathroom! Do you want to come?” A. “I haven’t even got my coat off yet.”	“Who’s your date?” “We used to drive ambulances together.”
Person whose essence permeated the scene but who wasn’t actually there	Ex-girlfriends from 1996	Robin Zander
Sample useless picture	This was part of the woman Alice Suicide was faking giving a blowjob to, but I had to hide my camera for fear of evil Miss Kitty	low light, low ceilings
Person from Baltimore	Tara from freepornstarpix	Bad Ass Frank
Person who should come over Gram Ponante Towers and Aviary and just sort of hang out and drink	Dana DeArmond	Sunny Lane
Sample conversation #3	Q. “Gram! Want to do a line in the bathroom?” A. “Jesus! How many bathrooms does this place have?”	“That’ll be $20 for your drink.”
Getting out	Miss Kitty: “Get the fuck out.”	Bouncer: “See you soon.”