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Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Last words on AVN 2007
 I have always felt that January was about AVN and February was about Black History, so let's tie up some worthwhile loose ends from this site and around the web.I met (for the first time) O: The Power of Submission director Ernest Greene and Nina Hartley at, of all places, the Corruption party after the AVN show. "Thanks for being a one-man cheering section for O," Greene said. What can I say? Carmen looked good in that sweater. Jesse Jane came under scrutiny for her thinness, and actually addressed it preemptively long before "skinny" pictures started getting published later in AEE week.  "I was really skinny last year," she said. "I'm heavier now. Last year I was under a hundred pounds and today I'm 102. I work out and stuff before a movie, but I eat whatever I want, inluding steaks." "You ever eat at that place on Rt. 40 in Amarillo with the 72-ounce steak?" I asked the Oklahoma resident. "No, but I hear it's not all meat." I didn't print that at the time because she didn't look overly thin to me, plus I didn't want to offend the Beef Council, one of this site's sponsors.  In other contract star news - and these tidbits are unofficial insofar as no companies will be having their public relations department send out press releases about them - it is rumored that:
I also saw Audacia Ray in regrettably short installments. The writer/director/performer also lauds the off the beaten track experience on Waking Vixen. For shorter gasps even than Audacia's, I caught glimpses of Jamye Waxman, who writes the site seX matters. A family wedding prevented her from staying until the bitter end, so that shows she is self-actualized.  To prove that I didn't spend my week with fiercely attractive women only, check out P. Weasels' account of the festivities on Gamelink. My pals at G4TV have a fun video of the AVN red carpet. I was whispering porn data into the ear of better-looking-than-me host Zach Selwyn. Not shown is the several starlets in a row who didn't remember being in the movies I'd said they'd been in. Ah well. I hardly remember working at TMZ anymore, either. XBiz byproduct XFanz also covered the red carpet, and their video is here. XBiz president Alec Helmy hopes to establish February as XBiz month in the same way the adult industry associates January with AVN. I will be speaking at next week's XBiz Hollywood Forum's seminar on viral marketing, so you know it's a quality establishment. Previously: "A fine spray of legitimacy"; Lettuce from our readers; AVN 2007 gallery Labels: avn, commentary, website ¶ Wednesday, January 31, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post 
How many letters after D are there?
 Were Joan and Melissa Rivers unavailable?Kathy Griffin will host this year's GayVN Awards show in San Francisco. I don't know which entity does the bigger disservice to the other. Also: does this make me a bitch? See also: Kathy Griffin to host 2007 GayVN Awards show Labels: celebrities, events, gay ¶ Wednesday, January 31, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Pirates: Now with no boobies
 It didn't occur to me that Jesse Jane might be pulling a reverse Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull for the role.Despite it not having been written, cast, or shot yet, the sequel to "Pirates" is already the biggest movie of 2007 and 2008 and will be shown at Barack Obama's Inaugural Ball on January 20, 2009 as gawpers take camera phone shots of Teagan Presley's toddlers. The teaser, which features a skeleton (and even it is wearing clothes), capitalizes on the notion that the nation has already seen the original and that memories of Jesse Jane's candle wax scene with Carmen Luvana are still fresh. Those who are not familiar with the top-selling adult DVD of the past two years will wonder why they're still showing commercials for the PS2. APX Foitruss writes: Senor Gram,See the teaser trailer here. Previously: Digital Playground offers Pirates 2 teaser poster See also: Digital Playground Labels: "digital playground", hype ¶ Tuesday, January 30, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday fleshpile
 Why? Because it's Tuesday!I encountered these two women on a couch. Outside was some of the best porn set crafts services chicken I have ever eaten. (At least I hope it was chicken.) Oh G-d. What if it wasn't chicken?? Who are they? I will not say, but will instead leave this cryptic hint, because I am a Buddhist. "Forget it Jake - it's Koreatown." Previously: ? and the Mysterians; But is it good for the Jews? Labels: because ¶ Tuesday, January 30, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
"Porn flatters itself," sniffs Blu-ray
 Blu-ray Association spokesman Andy Parsons, a vice president of Pioneer, suggests that adult's notion of itself as a technology Taste Leader is exaggerated, even if the industry helped decide the VHS-Betamax war in the 80's."Adult content should be appreciated for what it is," Parsons told Variety, "but it is not mainstream and it will not drive the mass market." Porn was much less mainstream - in fact, producing it had not yet been decriminalized in California - when the first porn shot on video was released in 1979. Parsons sounds like he is defending Blu-ray sponsors' moral choices to not work with the adult industry with unsupportable business justifications. Porn is King of Flimsy Justifications, Blu-ray; don't mess with it. The Variety story is notable for its reliance on the opinions of four big companies: Wicked (whose Camp Cuddle Pines Powertool Massacre was the first porn out on HD DVD), Digital Playground, Vivid, and Evil Angel. All have chosen HD DVD, though Digital Playground once sided with Blu-ray and Vivid is hedging its bets by releasing Debbie Does Dallas...Again on both new formats. The problem is, as one Porn Valley Observed reader points out: "For every one Pirates, there's at least another hundred titles like Fuck My Gaping Asshole Vol. 3,459, and the companies releasing them range in opinion from 'Sure, we'll do HD eventually' to 'Nope, no plans for HD.'"That does not mean that those four are not industry leaders with sensible plans for the future, but their sales are but a fraction of those of the combined smaller companies that have no immediate plans for either new format and/or that only care about shooting for VOD, cable, and Internet. And don't forget that companies that edit for HD might not actually be shooting in it, and the Variety story does not address the questionable demand for HD content on the web. It also uses "camp" six times to describe technology representatives. I think Variety should ankle that word. The bottom line is that anyone in adult who has made a choice has gone with HD DVD, and it seems as though the technology has chosen porn (by way of less restrictions and a cheaper price) rather than porn having chosen the technology. (Thanks to Jamie Lynn for providing a face for the name.) Previously: Concentric circle jerks of porn profits; Wicked decides on HD DVD; Pirates: "For the love of God let me die." See also: HD DVD pressing the flesh (variety.com) Labels: money, technology ¶ Tuesday, January 30, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Chavon Taylor in Big Bodacious Knockers 2
 People are so easily offended, to the point that I think some people actively seek out things to be offended by. I am not that way, for I am a Buddhist.Because a strain of Clan Ponante came from the Emerald Isle, there are backwards impressions of my claddagh ring on many the nose of a shady affiliate program manager, and oft echo the words "Bring the shillelagh, Graminal" through the halls of Gram Ponante Towers, Estates, clover hatchery, Garda substation, colleen processing plant, and Waterford crystal meth lab. So a friend asked if I weren't offended for the sake of my people that there was someone running around calling herself Chavon Taylor who screwed up the original Gaelic spelling of "Siobhan" for her nom de porn. "I don't know," I said. "Show me a picture." The picture came a moment later. "SHE CAN DO ANYTHING SHE WANTS," I said. Seriously: what have the Irish done for me lately? Previously: Again with the Titties; As long as the first rule is Feed Her a Sandwich See also: Lethal Hardcore  Labels: "lethal hardcore", dvds, WGL ¶ Tuesday, January 30, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, January 29, 2007
Assraelis bigger than Jesus
 I don't like to cover non-events -Q. Then Grams, why do you write about porn? A. Shut up. - and anything a publicist will send to TMZ.com and then send to you with a note saying it was featured on TMZ.com is officially a non-event, but it bears mentioning that Oren Cohen, owner of Tightfit Productions, the producer of Assraelis (covered here first, I humbly point out), which, despite being a well-shot porn film with very tasty Israeli pornstresses, is not causing nearly as much international controversy as readers would be led to believe. Indeed, Cohen goes so far as to say "not since Deep Throat has an adult film garnered such national and international attention." That is like John Lennon saying the Beatles were "more popular than Jesus". I would say that Assraelis has garnered just as much, but not more, national and international attention as Dirt Pipe Milkshakes 2. Still, Assraelis is a great movie filled with jewsy starlets. Previously: But is it good for the Jews? See also: Tightfit Productions Labels: dvds, hype, non-events, tightfit ¶ Monday, January 29, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Patrick, Thorn seekin' to be freakin' with Ricans
 Tera Patrick and Nautica Thorn will be in/on Puerto Rico this weekend for the second annual Sexo Expo, featuring a lingerie contest and an afterparty sponsored by Budweiser.How charming. Budweiser. As you know, Budweiser afterparties are the first halting steps many island commonwealths take toward Freedom. "Latin people are so passionate about sex," Patrick explained. "And ever since I did a girl-girl scene with the fiery Carmen Luvana in Genesis magazine, I have always been extremely curious about Puerto Rico!" According to the CIA's World Factbook, I explained to Tera, Puerto Rico has 3.69% arable land, which would make it difficult for she and Evan to eke out a living on the unforgiving soil. The Sexo Expo sounds like Erotica L.A. or Adultcon but with fewer Hispanics. It also boasts free HIV, Syphilis and Chlamydia tests. The last time I heard, Nautica Thorn was Asian. But she is also partially Puerto Rican. This means her family fitted their spray cans with sumi e brushes. As I typed that last sentence I thought: 1. I am going to be murdered, and 2. I am going to Hell. I would love to go to this event because I am an adopted son of the Spanish-speaking world. Luckily, the two hostesses have formed an amphibious vehicle travel agency called TeraNautica. Previously: Tera runs with motorcycle gang; Nautica Thorn and public transportation; Ricockulous See also: Sexo Expo Labels: "tera patrick", events, latin ¶ Monday, January 29, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Report: Porn industry to utilize Internet
 Prime Time Uncensored, launching February 11 as a free adult webcast service, is, in its promotional material anyway, painting itself as an anti-KSEXRadio and anti-Playboy-on-Sirius.While I would not be telling tales out of school to say the production quality is not very high nor the programming comprehensive, it is free to watch, and includes shows from the ubiquitous James Bartholet and Tony Batman, Vanessa Blue and Nyomi Banxx, and Misty Raa and Attorney Michael Fattarosi. "With their experience and views on entertainment, our viewers will have no choice but to strap in and hold on for the ride of their life," says the press release, indicating that the viewers will be doing all the work. Fattarosi seems to be the Dave Navarro of porn lawyers. Not content to just pop up on various convention panels (where his observations on dubious porn company contracts would more or less shut the industry down if people took action on them), he rents booths and has porn stars like Vanessa Blue signing for him as if he made porn himself. He is of a new breed. But think what kind of porn all the adult industry's celebrity lawyers, such as Greg Piccionelli, Jeffrey Douglas, and Paul Cambria, would make if they formed a company. I humbly suggest the first title be Amicus Queef. Anyway, pay attention to Prime Time Uncensored. It's free. What more could you want? Previously: Gram Ponante sold to Playboy See also: Prime Time Uncensored ¶ Monday, January 29, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Ireland overwhelms InterWeb
 Kylie Ireland, with whom this site shares server space, got the news this month that she had wrestled the Internet into submision what with all her dirtiness and whatnot.So she had to up her bandwidth to accommodate the Corruption/SlutWerkz traffic. The goal for next month is to overwhelm her server again as fans like you read about her cats and see her do horrible, wonderful things to herself and others. Do you know she once appeared in a picture with Kevin Costner? It's true, (Butt Bitches) you'll have to read her bio. Previously: Bank Holliday?; "Shut up, please": the 22nd Annual XRCO Awards; Kylie's shamrock shake See also: Kylie Ireland ¶ Monday, January 29, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Dreaming of Snow and Heidi Ho
 David Aaron Clark's Dreaming of Snow, a two-disc compilation of scenes he shot here and there from as far back as 2002, is an excellent way of getting acclimated to his particular style, which seems to bridge the gap between 70's movie theatre porn from New York and San Francisco and today's by-the-numbers gonzo fare.If you weren't really into Asian women before, like this guy, you will be after Dreaming of Snow. But don't take my word for it - take David Aaron Clark's! I have the feeling you're skimming. I appreciate the good intentions but there's a rush to judgment here .... it's like you're trying too hard to sell what a great guy I am as opposed to actually describing the movie. lolThe "lol" is the closest Clark will get to actually being a Japanese girl. BTW, that is Kylie Rey in Clark's apartment making a sundae of herself, not Heidi Ho. But if you had the chance to use Heidi Ho in a headline, you would. Read the review here. Previously: Tia Tanaka and the balance of power; Dreaming of Blondes See also: David Aaron Clark, Metro Other DAC-related news: A Twisted Tale (sfweekly.com) Labels: "david aaron clark", asian, dvds, metro, reviews ¶ Sunday, January 28, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
No one sucks the joy from my Mika Tan
 Like Harry Potter's dementors, the NinnWorx group has the capacity to make, er, the sexual act seem dismal and bleak, devoid of pleasure and chock full o' despair. In that way they are also like a girlfriend I had from Brown.Don't get me wrong; sometimes I am in the mood for just that sort of thing, but to cast the effervescent Mika Tan in Lorraine Sisco's Porn for People with Knotted Brows Façade seems like a challenge even Tan might not overcome. But we'll see. Check out the trailer here. Previously: I'll see you on the dark side of Mika Tan See also: Ninnworx ¶ Sunday, January 28, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, January 26, 2007
Mary Carey: Do cameras make us stupid?
 Have no doubt that Mary Carey is no Meredith Vieira - or even Ann Coulter - when expressing her views on camera. But that people feel the need to waste their time pointing out the obvious after posts like this one makes me wonder who she has hurt, and/or if her detractors could be expected to do any better if faced with a similar situation.The next time you come out of Roscoe's, I and all my Japanese friends will be there with our AV club. What I see when benighted celebrities like Tara Reid or Carey emerge from a nightclub to a crush of shouting and cameraphones is not how stupid they are but how ravenous the public is. That Carey will do something embarrassing to herself when that red light goes on is such a given that commentary is useless. Previously: Mariah Carey marks eventual porn territory; Candidate hopeful takes one in the face; When Mary Carey was Mary Carey See also: Mary Carey still not done talking (x17.com) Labels: celebrities ¶ Friday, January 26, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
? and the Mysterians
 Here are two of my favorite performers, captured in my legendary arthouse photographic style. Who are they?See also: Why might Dana Dearmond want to download "96 Tears"? ¶ Friday, January 26, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Philippine Teen
 The interesting thing about Shag Manila's Philippine Teen, aside from the feeling that the scenes were shot in Martin Sheen's hotel room in Apocalypse Now, is the vague disinterest these amateurs show. They are not exactly sullen but also not exactly enthusiastic. I fear they might be prostitutes.They also don't look like Shay J., who was born in Bataan. This one reminds me a little of Shelley Duvall. Previously: But is it good for the Jews?; Hannah Harper: Passsion is to magma as squirting is to lava See also: Sin City
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Thursday, January 25, 2007
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When to be concerned
 The lovely (and pregnant) Felicia Fox sent this along. I only got 10 out of 16.Previously: Janine: "It might happen today"; See also: Can You Tell the Difference between a Female and a Shemale?, Felicia Fox, The Sausage Factory Labels: education, transsexual ¶ Thursday, January 25, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Passages: Hentai turns back on porn screenwriting
 Today I talked with former AVN coworker/current HentaiPR owner Wayne Hentai. One of his side projects recently has been writing porn scripts. I will not tell you what they were. He has seen about 15 of them made into movies.We are going to see each other on a set this afternoon. "Did you write this movie?" I asked. "No," he said softly. "I have decided to walk away." "You're going to kill yourself?" "No, I have decided to walk away from writing porn scripts," he said. "Oh," I said, the excitement draining from my day. "Why?" "I found my vision constantly compromised," he said. "No one could do justice to it." I asked for an example. "They wouldn't let me do Fuck My Dirty Asshole: A Love Story," he said. "OK." "I'm an artist, and they wanted to restrict me," he said. "OK." "I am an artist," he said. Previously: Thunder from Hawaii; Pegging the man-flower; How to party with models See also: HentaiPR ¶ Thursday, January 25, 2007 2 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Italian human trafficking ring whacked
 Italian police have broken up a human trafficking ring operating across Italy with the aid of 45 women forced to work as prostitutes.Police arrested over 800 people in a sting known as "Spartacus", which referred to both the slavery aspect of the crime and the fact that there was no clear organizing body (though a law enforcement official delicately alluded to there being a "family-based" element within the gang of culprits). Many of the prostitutes were from Eastern Europe. 22 buildings, including night clubs and sweat shops, were also closed down as a result of the four-month investigation. Previously: It's not "sex work" when you're just lying there See also: Italy smashes prostitution ring (bbc) ¶ Wednesday, January 24, 2007 2 Comments Links to this post
Mature 20, ancient shark 0
 Random pictures appear in my Inbox, and these two arrived simultaneously.It makes me think that nothing is random. That a little thought can provide the connections between all things. Flashpoint Pictures' Mature 20, starring Brandee on the beach, might have something to do with the surfacing of this "fossil" frilled shark, rarely seen alive due to its preference for very deep water. I am not sure if the "20" in this movie's title refers to the number in the series or if Brandee is "a mature 20", meaning she has her 401k and health plan in order. Either way, the shark died. The staff and affiliates of Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Border Checkpoint, Haberdashery, and ATV Speedway send their heartfelt condolences to its family. Previously: Tyler Faith: Jaws shark "not a fag"; You yell "Shark" See also: Rare shark captured on film (cnn) ¶ Wednesday, January 24, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Drag queens to gather, eat, play bingo
 Jim Steel and HIS DVD (the gay division of Hustler) will host Drag Queen Bingo at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood on January 31.Steel is the director of On the Downlow, and is holding the Hamburger Mary's release party for that movie to benefit the Minority AIDS Project. How do we know cover model Brant Moore is on the downlow? He is facing right but looking left. As I have not been to church in several years, I don't know how much Bingo usually costs, but the benefit requests $20 a game. This sounds like a good deal, because Hamburger Mary's is also a bar. When I used to play bingo, the only people allowed to be drunk were the nuns. Do you think drag queens still dress as nuns? Is that an evergreen outfit like straight porn women dressing as schoolgirls? We'll see. Previously: Night of the Stars recognizes freedom, snacks; Folk as Queer; Trend: Gays smarter See also: Hamburger Mary's, ¶ Wednesday, January 24, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The X(Biz) Files: FBI to address porners
 FBI Special Agent Chuck Joyner (his real name) will speak at next month's XBiz Hollywood Forum on the subject of 2257 inspections.The FBI, using tactics partially developed by Joyner, politely raided several adult companies over the past few months, on the lookout for faulty recordkeeping. Joyner will join adult industry attorneys Paul Cambria, Greg Piccionelli, and Jeffrey Douglas in addressing 2257 concerns, and the Special Agent will teach company owners and employees how to behave in the event of an inspection. Tip 1: Don't wear one of these. Tip 2: When asked where your file cabinets are, don't keep repeating "The truth is out there." Tip 3: Call everyone Mr. Tibbs. The XBiz Hollywood Conference will be held February 7 and 8 at the haunted Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. Joyner's seminar will take place at 10 a.m. on February 7. To register for the conference, click here. Previously: Lettuce from our readers; Report: XBiz Award desirable See also: FBI to Address 2257 Inspections at XBIZ Hollywood Conference (xbiz) ¶ Tuesday, January 23, 2007 2 Comments Links to this post
I'll see you on the dark side of Mika Tan
 It is difficult to comprehend that Mika Tan is anything but nice. That said, I must hold in my head the competing belief that everything Ninnworx says is true.Thus we have Ninnworx' director Lorraine Sisco's Façade, starring Tan as "a power-hungry fetishist, who colors the dreary boredom of life with a vivid palate of sexual adventure and hedonism. Otto Bauer portrays the psychoanalyst that takes her driven libido into a clash between sex and power, man versus woman." Oh my God. The very same thing just happened to me at 7-11. Why do I go to psychoanalysis at 7-11? Hint: It's the ranch dressing. Here we examine the fetish of being eaten out by Nikki Benz while smoking and wearing funeral attire. I hear San Francisco has a whole street devoted to this. Façade also stars Jenaveve Jolie, Daisy Marie, Kaiya Lynn, Alexis Love, Jerry, Ben English, Barry Scott, and Jean Val Jean. Previously: Heather Vuur is a good sport; Open bar at the Van Halen place; Squirt and Ernie See also: Ninnworx ¶ Tuesday, January 23, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
A Bitchin' 'gine saves Nikki Nine
 I hate to reduce the entire porn industry to one leading-edge part of the female anatomy, but what's more important: accuracy or a pun?Nikki Nine, Hustler's newest contract performer, filmed Educating Nikki a week after her first movie, The Erotic Adventures of Nikki Nine, though Educating is being released first. It's the right thing. Unless one is a brave little mouse in the big city for the first time, one needs to be educated before one gets in adventures. Nine turned 18 last June, and was poised and professional despite the dozen or so crew and hangers-on at her Educating shoot last October. Because she was new, I asked Nine how she dealt with being naked in a room full of strangers. "After a few minutes, you don't think about it," she said. Taking her advice, I tried this myself. The TSA people were very helpful in escorting me from the airport Sbarro's.  Educating Nikki also stars Amber Rayne, James Deen, Nyomi Banxxx, and Eva Angelina. It ships next week. Previously: Nine falls on the cold Valley; This is how porn guys live See also: The Education of Nikki Nine (gamelink), Hustler Labels: "contract girls", dvds, hustler ¶ Tuesday, January 23, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, January 22, 2007
Porn leaves small occupying force in Las Vegas
 In what industry insiders call a Creampie, porn has not pulled out of Las Vegas entirely after this month's conventions there. The girls of Sinsation Pictures, including Mika Tan, Brooke Banner, Dee, and Kristal Summers, will be signing autographs and making appearances at this weekend's $500 buy-in, $100k pot Sinsation Poker Tournament at the Imperial Palace. Mika Tan is actually a gambler in the Kenny Rogers tradition. Knowing when to walk away and when to run, she picked the winners of eight out of ten Bowl games accurately. Regarding yesterday's upset of the Patriots by the Colts, it would be really uncool to ask of any porn girl what she thought of come-from-behind victories, though they would most likely grit their teeth and smile pleasantly, hating you.  According to Jenna Jameson's handlers, she is throwing a surprise birthday party for MMA star/love interest Tito Ortiz this weekend at Caesar's Palace's Pure nightclub.Personally, I think it is unwise to surprise someone who can throttle you to death without looking up from his soup. but I will be far away. I also don't think Ortiz will be too surprised, as the public has been invited and there has been a flyer printed out. (That is, unless Tito Ortiz can't read.) It would be a real ghetto move to get him anything from the ClubJenna catalogue, though. Previously: Spice racks new channels; Club: Jenna See also: Sinsation, ClubJenna ¶ Monday, January 22, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Whither Shane's World?
 Shane's World is like a prairie dog: it pops up for an elaborate party, disappears, unveils a new contract performer, you hardly ever see her again, brings Devon back from exile, she disappears, has no presence at the AVN Expo, wins an award, watches you while you pump gas.I feel the company is toying with my affections via this on-again, off-again media on-and-offslaught. All I want is Casey Parker back again. Devon can come too. We'll call Penny Flame from the car. The Shane's World College Invasion line, which won Best Gonzo Series from AVN this year, stars the laid back Delilah Strong. But it was was Shane's World owner Jennie Grant who sounded casual. "This is one of the highest honors we could receive in the industry," she said. What's higher? All your contract girls leave to go to Wicked? Previously: XFanz porns burlesque; Shopping with Generation X, Y; Squirting and terrorism See also: Shane's World Labels: "shane's world", avn, WGL ¶ Monday, January 22, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Big Boobs 3: The Hard Way
 One of the things people don't talk about when describing their first experiences with porn is that part of the fascination back then was that this was the way adults conducted themselves, and that the people in the rain-soaked pictures of rolled-up magazines behind the junior high school looked more worldly than the other adults in our lives and, perhaps, more used.FYA Independent makes us feel once again that first-porn thrill with Big Boobs 3: The Hard Way. The simple, arresting title paired with a term from Craps emphasizes childish terminology with a foreshadowing of the bowel disturbances that await us all. Well done! Big Boobs 3: The hard Way stars Chloe Knight, Chevon Taylor, Kate Frost, Jennifer Steele, and Rebecca Love. The press release says the movie was created "for certified tit freaks"; I'm not sure if you'll have to show your diploma when ordering. Previously: More Geisha News; Our Gigantic Joggies, Ourselves See also: FYA Independent Labels: "FYA Independent", boobs, dvds ¶ Monday, January 22, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Night of the Hunter
 Tod Hunter (seen here with Selena Silver) has been writing about Porn Valley since 1997, and is one of the only writers in the adult business who actually grew up here, giving him an unique perspective.He will be on Playboy Radio's Adult DVD review tonight between 9 and 11 p.m. PST, beginning the slow trudge to AVN's 2008 awards and doing his part to inspire hope in some starry-eyed fister. Hunter once told me, "You should eat at the Ellis Island Casino; the food is good and it's cheap." I ate there at least once a day throughout my trip to the AVN Expo. The food was good and inexpensive. Hunter's views on adult dvds must be similarly spot-on. I listened to Tod - shouldn't you? Previously: 35 years of grass on the field; Gram Ponante sold to Playboy; Lurk lands lads, lauds longevity, lashes latecomers See also: Tod Hunter, Plight of the Hunter (fleshbot) ¶ Monday, January 22, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, January 19, 2007
Rob Rotten's Lap Mystery
 Because I am focused like a laser, I didn't ask who the woman was on Pride of Novato Rob Rotten's lap at the AVN Expo.Rotten, who is not Zak Sabbath, is the director of Anal Swine, Porn of the Dead, and Fuck the System and is, like most actual punks, a nice guy. (You will never meet a nicer person than Jello Biafra.) That Rotten drives a Hummer is problematic and doesn't fit into my worldview. Anyway, I started getting calls about who this woman was. "She's the new Punx Productions Girl," Rotten said. "Does she have a name?" I asked, probing. "She does," Rotten said. "..." I said. "She'll be up on the website soon," Rotten said. "You buried her in the desert, didn't you?" I thought. Rotten has a 415 area code, so I asked him if he shoots his movies up there. "No, everything's down where you are in the Valley," he said. "So you don't shoot where you eat?" "No." So there's your answer. This woman has no name. Previously: Generation of Anal Swine; VCA Really Rotten; Vivid-steve launched See also: Punx Productions, Related post on Fleshbot Labels: "rob rotten", avn, directors ¶ Friday, January 19, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Trina Michaels goes 'xnardward
 I am not a name dropper and I am sensitive about appearing so. But I drop the following names in context, so don't think I'm Page Six or anything.I was walking through the Mandalay Bay Casino en route to Editrix Abby's party at the Venetian with Holy Man Brian Surewood. Surewood occupies a rare place in the porn world because people want to be like him but they just don't know how. Wear a bandanna? Get a tattoo? Those things are superficial (Boy are they); one can only get to the essence of Brian Surewood by going on a vision quest. So I told him that I really liked his scenes in Joe Gallant's excellent Avenue X (In this business, a man can tell another man that he likes his porn scenes without appearing gay. In fact, only when men say "I like your car" to other men are they actually gay), which featured Trina Michaels. We were at a loss to describe her. "Now she's a - " Surewood began. "Ready to go - " I suggested. "Been around - " him again. "World-weary looking, but not," I floundered. "Glorious," he said. And that dude knows out of body experiences. That's Trina Michaels. She's dancing tonight and tomorrow at the Spearmint Rhino in Oxnard, and has this to say about it: I also do private dances. Dances that only involve me and you. Letting me do and please you how you like and as hard and sensual as you want it. Ummmm...my panties get sooooo wet thinking about being on top of a man while I ride him and rub my big, soft titties all over his face, mouth, tongue and cock.(Well, maybe that spounds like something one might pay $2.99 a minute for, but it's the cost of doing business.) Previously: Trina Michaels for Industry; In da club; Harper and Austin rock the 'xnard See also: Trina Michaels on MySpace ¶ Friday, January 19, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Publicity still of the week: Vince Vouyer
 There were two awkward trophy moments at last week's AVN Awards, and one belonged to this guy, who more or less commandeered the award from Amy Ried, who had taken the stage to accept it.Vouyer's Breakin' 'em In #9, starring Ried, won Best Pro-Am release, and in the flurry of self-congratulatory press releases sent out this week by winners' publicists, Vouyer chose this shot of him pointing at his award. See? The look says. See?? SEE??? Also: nice cuffs, D'Artagnan. I mean seriously. Ried probably shouldn't have accepted the award, but this year's new system of delivering the trophies would have ensured Vouyer got his, anyway. Previously: The Gauntlet; Saving the Drippings See also: Vouyermedia Labels: directors, fotos, vouyeur ¶ Friday, January 19, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
North by Julia Ann
 The problem with Northern California is not that there isn't porn happening there, it's just that the porn has so much baggage. You really have to think about it. Here in Porn Valley, I can indulge my Buddha nature by not thinking at all about the politics of the person blowing me.Beloved pornstress Julia Ann seeks to bring a little of our Valley north this evening as she hosts the release party for her movie Julia Ann: Hardcore at San Jose's Studio 8 night club. It is the second party of her promo tour for this movie. You know the evening is going to be swanky because the press release says it twice. Another word that always convinces people otherwise is "classy". Tonight's event will feature go-go dancers, Wicked Pictures product giveaways, and Julia Ann herself. And probably some wine. Those people tend to like wine. Previously: Julia Ann to host fete wearing those beads See also: Wicked Pictures, Julia Ann
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Friday, January 19, 2007
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Smiles, everyone - smiles!
 Now that I live in the bucolic Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Helipad, and Lobster Hatchery, the women who come and go from my Porn Supremacist Compound never return with tales that construction workers or passersby of a certain nationality in various eastern seaboard megalopolises in which we've lived demanded they "smile".I will try to reconstruct an exchange from several years ago. "I walked by these guys selling fruit and they were all like 'Smile!'"I side with the ladies on this one, but with reservation. Unless she was playing guitar in the subway and her dour expression prevented her from getting the tips that would furnish our family's MD 20/20, no one should tell her to smile, Further, I believe in America more than allowing for a man's only recourse in troubled times to come from telling an attractive woman what to do. But then I think: Jesus Christ. They were selling oranges in the Bowery. Would it have killed you? It is a puzzlement. NB: No one needs to tell me to smile, because I have jazz hands. Thus we have Platinum Blue's Black in Business, starring Vida Valentine. What is Valentine doing? Not smiling. Some day I might approach someone at an event (probably a Stop & Shop opening) and say, "I am going to fuck that sour expression off your face" but if I wanted a movie about sex with the Sullen, I'd watch Corruption again. Previously: Perfectly Cruel to be kind; Diver Down; Fleshy obstacles in the workplace See also: Platinum Blue Labels: "platinum blue", dvds ¶ Friday, January 19, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Team Hardcore on the move!
 If you are aware of any group of booth girls who worked harder than the Max Hardcore Unit at this year's AVN Expo, let me know.Ange Venus spread her legs so far open for so many cameraphone-wielding fans that she was no longer ambulatory at the end of the convention.    "May I take your picture, Mr. Hardcore?" I asked. "You'll have to take it moving, Pardner," Hardcore replied. "We're on the move!" "He's the nicest guy in this business," said Hardcore's production manager. Yeah, but I bet he doesn't spoon. Previously: Adult industry spared; When a vagina isn't sexy See also: Max Hardcore Labels: "max hardcore", avn, directors ¶ Thursday, January 18, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
1 track mind
 This Los Angeles-based webisodic sex culture site might be heavy on the 80's stand-up comedian patter at times (hence the Balki and Larry pose; both hosts Danielle Stewart and Lou Santini are working comics), but its value comes from interchanges like this one, about the new Korean robot lady:Santini: "If she needs recharging, just plug her in the rear." Stewart: "Works for me." The affable Santini and the very tasty Stewart cover topics like dating, how to find sugar daddies, and condom testing. See also: 1 Track Mind Labels: website ¶ Wednesday, January 17, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Lettuce from our readers, re: AVN 2007
 While I received generally positive mail regarding my coverage of the AVN Expo and Show (and I am choosing to call it the AVN Expo though its real name is the Adult Entertainment Expo, or AEE), like:"I am shocked & delighted to read the absolute truth about the convention & awards from a mainstream porn journalist with no axe to grind. Kudos!!!!!"and "Congratulations on winning the award for Best AEE Coverage. Despite having no competition, you shined,"Several people called for clarifications, including XBiz president Alec Helmy, who said: 1. AEE is owned and operated by Home Entertainment Events - not AVN - this may be news to some.Regarding the Press Room, Sean Devlin of Home Entertainment Events (the operator of AEE and the company from which AVN licenses the Expo) pointed out that one crucial difference between AEE and CES is that CES is free. It’s not exactly fair to compare CES and AEE press registration. CES is free and, as far as I can tell, will allow practically anyone to register as press. Our exhibitors want real journalists who are actually going to report stories. When they see a press pass, they should have confidence that this person is someone worth speaking to. Most journalists seem to appreciate this as well.And AVN president Paul Fishbein wrote to say that his suggestion from the Mandalay's microphone that audience members see the Vegas revue "The Fashionistas" was not, as I implied in the original story, a guilty move to compensate for the movie Fashionistas Safado-The Challenge receiving only three AVN Awards. "It's just a really good show," he said. He also suggested that maybe he would start a blog, too. On the future of the AVN Awards at the Mandalay Bay, Fishbein said that what technical problems occurred January 13 are easily solvable, and that the show would be "completely reinvented" next year. (Oh. And he also asked who named me America's beloved porn journalist. I was like, "Um, Our Lord.") Suggestions, complaints, praise, and recommendations are always welcome here. While I'm at it, Designer Alaska's new website is called Six Months of Light rather than Six Months of Flight, and I neglected to say "What a rack!" when writing about Jayden Jaymes earlier. It's how I felt, and I should have said it. I'm sorry. The above photo of Eva Angelina was the last picture I took in Las Vegas this year. I use it here because it is representative of how I learned something just now. Until early in the morning of January 14 when I took this picture, I pronounced Ms. Angelina's first name with a long E. "It's a schwa, you douchebag," she seems to be saying. Previously: "A fine spray of legitimacy."; Lettuce from our readers See also: AVN, XBiz Labels: "the corrections", trademags ¶ Wednesday, January 17, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
SugarDVD enters friend-of-celebrity sex tape market
 SugarDVD, the adult rental e-tailer that last year consoled Tori Spelling with an offer of free porn for life, has offered to pay $2 million for the rights to distribute the sex tape being shopped around by Kim Kardashian.Q. Grams, Who is Kim Kardashian? A. She is Paris Hilton's best friend, apparently. Q. Why is that sexy? A. I don't know. Kardashian, a spokesperson for SugarDVD said, is shopping her DVD via a third party, though Kardashian has intermittently denied the DVD's existence as well as said it is not being shopped. The tape also features Ray J (no relation to Shay J), brother of "Moesha" star Brandy, by all accounts a fine girl. The raven-haired stepdaughter of Can't Stop the Music star Bruce Jenner is no stranger to faulty judgment: her late father, Robert Kardashian (cue rolling in grave) was OJ Simpson's defense attorney. SugarDVD is all over the possibility of this tape coming into their hands, but they do not have it, nor are they confirming or denying that anyone at SugarDVD has seen it. Porn site TMZ.com claims that the tape involves water sports. Do Armenians like curling? I spoke with SugarDVD CEO Jax Smith about the process of purchasing friend-of-celebrity sex tapes, a field currently dominated by Red Light District (whom unconfirmed reports say was also approached with Kardashian's goods). "We have developed sources over the years for press and business," Smith said. "As we grew, some of these sources have seen us as a place to go for a lot of things." This sounded intriguing, if cryptic. I leaned closer. "One such source contacted me about the tape two months ago," Smith said. "He knew we had the money, and he felt we had the ability to do a good job promoting the tape." So Kardashian desires promotion beyond cashing the check? One can purchase all sorts of nasty content with lovely young women for about $5, so the question is whether celebrity-by-proximity-to-a-minor-celebrity Kardashian's video could be worth $2 million. SugarDVD thinks it is. If SugarDVD doesn't land Kim Kardashian, I will sell them my sex tape for $2 million. After all, I know Tina Tyler. Previously: Tori Spelling mourns loss with porn; Britney Spears continues to hold out hope of immaculate conception See also: SugarDVD Labels: business, celebrities ¶ Wednesday, January 17, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Buck Angel runs unopposed
 Man-with-a-Pussy Buck (no relation to Joanna) Angel, or M-WAP as he is known to the US Army, won Transsexual Performer of the Year at this year's AVN Awards. Here he is with Michelle Aston.(Buck is on the left.) Like Bryn Pryor winning Best Non-Sex Performance for his role in Corruption (these awards are usually given for comic cameos, but Pryor actually acted), Angel re-defined his award category by being the only female-to-male transsexual in a group previously made up of performers who'd gone the other way. "Maybe they should create a category just for me," Angel said. Greedy bastard. You've got a pussy already - do you want the world? See both Buck and Joanna Angel as well as other attendees of this year's AVN Expo and Awards here. Previously: "Fuck the USA," Vivid-steve honcho vows; Verizon: more dropped calls, testicles; Allanah Starr shoots the person to your right See also: Buck Angel Labels: avn, transsexual ¶ Wednesday, January 17, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Alexis Skye and conditioned thinking
 I have met some very attractive transsexuals but, like renting the last several seasons of "24" just so I can catch up on it, I have no real time to get familiar with a new landscape.At the AVN Expo, which is now a distant memory from which I have moved on and grown, I met Alexis Skye, or rather I spotted her head poking above boothtops, which is no small feat because, as you know, AVN Expo booths are very tall because the event is so goddamn classy. "Wholesome tranny!" I thought, picturing the millions I would make in affiliate program signups and how I would need to grow a goatee to shop the new niche around to webmasters. But it turns out Alexis Skye is actually female. So accustomed have I become to expecting kink out of people that I no longer believe the world has someone just my size. The Arizona-based Skye is a runway and bikini model who also has an excellent radio voice. She recently appeared on "My Name Is Earl" as Tall Maggie, which is just another example of the way the world pigeonholes the Tall, and turns these graceful creatures into The Other. I rarely pose with models because I invariably make them look worse by association, and that was exactly the case here, so here is her publicity photo. See Skye and dozens of other attendees of the AVN Expo here. See also: Alexis Skye ¶ Wednesday, January 17, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Caprica Six gets a ten
 Tricia Helfer, who plays one of those new model skinjob Cylons on "Battlestar Galactica", has boldly gone where Grace Park and Katee Sackhoff should follow in disrobing for Playboy.Will Playboy go after all of that ragtag, fugitive fleet on their combined quest: a shining planet known as Earth? All I can say is that Playboy was created by Man. It wants you to buy many copies. And it has a plan. Previously: Lettuce from Our Readers; Nautica Thorn: Hot girl, Asian See also: "We choose to go to the moon", Playboy, "Battlestar Galactica" Labels: celebrities, geekery ¶ Tuesday, January 16, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Gaped Crusaders
 First Press Release after the AVN Show kudos go to Hustler, whose Gaped Crusaders pokes its head out of the post-Vegas eye sludge like a delightful prairie dog.Gaped Crusaders, starring the chameleon-like Holly Wellin as well as Jada Fire and Unsung Starlet Mika Tan, is an early contender for the 2008 AVN Awards, to be hosted by the guy at the Mandalay who kept shouting "Gene Simmons!" and "Obama in 2008!" Boy that was priceless. Previously: Quick turnaround in the Gape department; Cock-blocking with Gram See also: Hustler ¶ Tuesday, January 16, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, January 14, 2007
2007 AVN wrap-up: "A fine spray of legitimacy"
 The best movie didn't win; it often doesn't. But what made this AVN Awards better than in previous years was that the best movie didn't win for reasons different from the other times the best movie didn't win.We'll get to that later. Prior to the Adult Entertainment Expo, many were worried that the companies who declined booth rentals (Lexington Steele, New Sensations, Sin City, others) heralded the Expo's decline, that the hazy Return of Investment numbers used as evidence by those companies in not renting booths signalled a lack of interest from fans. It is true that booths were spaced farther apart in the Sands Expo Center to give the impression of vastness, but this only allowed the thousands of fans who attended more legroom than their Southwest flight afforded them. Were there fewer fans? Probably. But the extra walking and cameraphone space made this year's 25-dollar price hike seem worthwhile, and the place sure seemed crowded.  In other words, unless fans knew that companies had pulled out of the Expo and that adult DVD sales were down across the board, they would not be aware of the schadenfraude felt by "industry insiders" that 2007's convention made less money than in previous years.What they saw instead was that AVN is still the journal of record, despite Soviet-style pretension and logistical gaffes that make the adult industry look, at best, quaint. And challenger XBiz did not take this opportunity to cover the event like an equal, but instead ignored it like a jealous rival. A reader writes: You may or [may] not know the XBiz editorial policy regarding AEE/AVNPress  Without question, the most press-friendly porn company is Digital Playground. It provided access to its people and actively sought out coverage. In a business in which Skeeter Kerkove still finds work it is absolutely true that all publicity is good publicity. I have often been critical of Digital Playground, including but not limited to Robbie D.'s arm, Jesse Jane's animatronics, and the company's sometimes-unsettling need to spin and control its personnel, but every time I write to complain about something Digital Playground does, that's five more times (I am America's most-read adult journalist, a great though dubious achievement) that I'm writing about Digital Playground. That Pirates, a good movie, has outsold every great and small adult movie for two years is testament to DP's Best In Industry marketing prowess.Still, as I mentioned earlier, it was probably a bad idea to experience Consumer Electronics Show press registration in the same week, because the CES process was so much more efficiently run. A reader writes: Why does AVN make it so hard to register as press? I know that every person who gets in free is one fewer paying customer, but if people like Fishbein pay lip service to mainstreaming the business (as he did when talking about Pirates at the show), then he should understand that well-placed articles generate lots of interest and, through that, at least a fine spray of legitimacy.My CES registration, for which I was a walk-in, consisted of proving I wrote about technology in a legitimate journal or web site. It took five minutes. I have been covering the adult industry for (Jesus Christ) almost five years and was pre-registered for the Expo and it still took knowing people and 45 minutes to get one of the three required badges. Further, my legitimacy needed to be approved beforehand; it's an illegitimate person who calls everyone else a bastard.  AVN's red carpet (I needed another badge, and was told to hide my Expo press badge for some reason) was much better than in previous years. Managed as it has been for five years by Sue Procko PR (they normally handle mainstream television DVD releases), the major improvement this year was a man who ran up ahead of red carpet walkers to announce to the [mostly] mainstream press who these people were and what they did. I was with a crew from G4TV and I found this service very helpful when Vivid or ClubJenna girls showed up.Parties I made it a point this year to not go to parties in casino clubs, so I passed on everything that listed "bottle service" as if that was some kind of plus. Instead, I went to off the beaten track events and they were wilder, had smaller crowds, and were much more satisfying.  My favorite party was thrown by Black Widow Talent and Pornoweek director Gary Gazzman. It just so happened that Paige turned 18 the day the party was thrown and Gazzman was there to film her first blowjob scene. There were also a number of UK residents attending who had paid a certain amount of money to watch a porn scene being shot. It turns out that Paige was icing on a cake that included an already-scheduled pooltabletop girls' threesome featuring the juicy 19-year-old Kiara Marie, who knows how to work a room.A close second was a pair of wild soirees at a suite at the Venetian hosted by Editrix Abby and Gent magazine. I didn't take any pictures because I'm groovy like that and the people getting naked weren't porn performers (so there'd be no way of proving their age if subpoenaed to do so).  Ron Royster's Eroticist Films threw a couple of wingdings, and they were characterized by their refreshing non-pornishness. Certainly there were a lot of sextastic people in attendance, but not one smelled of Ax body spray, and it was a welcome surprise to emerge into the cold Vegas morning thinking "I also enjoyed talking with that woman."The XFanz (a division of XBiz) party at the Empire Ballroom was low-key and not cheesy. XBiz president Alec Helmy was there, shaking hands and remembering names. It was a classy move. The red carpet was moved inside because Vegas was uncharacteristically nippy/nipply this week. Party planner Dusty Marie (no relation to Kiara Marie but imagine if they were sisters? Oh My God) said that she didn't want people freezing to death. It is rare that such concern is shown for party guests in this cold business. I and America were invited to the Corruption party near the top of the Mandalay Bay. Best Director Eli Cross/Best Actor in a Non-Sex Role Bryn Pryor believed (and I heard this from other people, too) that his movie didn't have a chance at anything except a Best Supporting Actress award for Alana Evans, which also happened. Pryor's speech at the Awards show, in which he thanked his partner Kylie Ireland, was as touching and sincere as Larry Flynt's earlier tribute to lawyers. (That sounded sarcastic - it really wasn't. Larry Flynt loves lawyers.) And the party, which immediately followed the awards, was both jubilant and way too crowded. I arrived as a friend was leaving. "Don't go in," she said. "It's a hell-pit in there." Indeed the temperature rose by about 20 degrees upon entering. "I've never encountered a more meta experience," Pryor said. Pryor, as Mark Logan, was AVN's editor for several years in the late 90's and early oughts. "I walked backstage for my award and no one from AVN knew that I'd done their jobs before them." This is the first year the AVN Awards will be personalized with the winners' names. AVN employees are relieved by this because they no longer have to keep stashes of unclaimed trophies. It also gives creedence to AVN's assertion that the awards aren't decided with the cashing of a check. In previous years the awards were engraved at the Philadelphia trophy shop of the brother of AVN pariah (and former AVN editor) Gene Ross. Sex Z Pictures, Corruption's producer, is a newer company. "I know Paul [Fishbein] is going to get some angry calls about this one," Pryor said. The talk at the party was mostly about shock and joy. The people who put Corruption together - including publicity firm All Media Play partners Jeff Mullen and Scott David, who stood on the stage behind Pryor when he accepted Best Video Feature - were amazed that the movie, which was co-written by Pryor and Alvin Edwards, himself a former editor of both AVN and AVONline under the name Ken Michaels, could be allowed to win despite all the potential cries of conflict of interest. The fact is that AVN has been cleaning up shop of its embarrassments this year, firing both Heidi Joy Pike and the man who [claims to have] driven her off, Mike Ramone. Both were long overdue for dismissal, and though senior management at AVN knew for years that Ramone was soliciting porn performers for "consideration" and that Pike handled whatever her job was with belligerent ineptitude, the company deserves credit for burning its warts. This impetus for improvement probably comes due to the arrival on the scene of XBiz, which has been slowly but decisively taking up chunks of AVN's formerly inviolable real estate, including publications, a fan site (XFanz), award shows and, starting last summer, a convention that will be repeated this February in Hollywood. People talk about how absurd it is that a porn publication presents porn awards. "Can you imagine Variety handing out the Oscars?" is the way Renaud West, founder of competing convention/awards show Adultcon, puts it. "Everyone knows the AVN Awards are fake." The AVN Awards are only partially fake, and the industry is not big enough to support an objective media cottage industry (other than myself). In general, well-made movies like Corruption do get the consideration they deserve, and even if Sex Z Pictures owner Bo Kenney took Paul Fishbein to the SuperBowl last year and that the movie was written, directed, and starred by former AVN employees, the triumph of Corruption is still a Cinderella story compared with the sweetheart deals that characterize the industry. The antics of people like Ramone are exceptions to the rule of generally aboveboard dealings at AVN.  NB: My method for determining the ratio of exceptions:rule proving is a simple minority of exceptions. I asked Corruption co-screenwriter Alvin Edwards if, like Fashionistas, Corruption would open a Vegas revue. "I can neither confirm nor deny that," he said. In the 90's AVN instituted what has become known as The Dingle Law barring its employees from participating in adult films. AVN Senior Editor and lunchroom namesake Mark Kernes appeared with Sharon Mitchell in the 1995 movie The Secret Life of Herbert Dingle, which garnered adult industry criticism for its illusion of impropriety. So AVN does respond, eventually, to complaints. The Show  Its lease up at the Venetian, the AVN Awards were held this year at their "new home" at the Mandalay Bay. About 7,000 people attended and parts of the convention and show were broadcast by outlets as diverse as Playboy and G4TV (of which I am an occasional employee). The show was better this year than in the past, mostly for reducing instances of drag and unprofessionalism. The interstitial movies, particularly "Pornco's Dick Magnet", were actually funny, and many of the awards were given offstage.The show was hosted, as it has been in previous years, by a comedian with a porn star foil. This year that duo was Jim Norton and jessica drake. Norton was an excellent host, making drake laugh several times, and she was an able and elegant straight man. As usual, very few presenters thought to speak into the microphone, and each celebrity appearance, save for that of Dave Navarro, fell flat. Gene Simmons is looking more and more like a broody character in a head trauma unit's version of "Tony and Tina's Wedding" every year, and "Mind Freak"'s Cris Angel and Carrot Top didn't know what to do with themselves or the material they'd been presented. Only Dave Navarro gave the porn festivities a legitimacy-by-association feel. Luckily Navarro was there to defend himself, because Eddie Van Halen, winner of Best Music for his work on Sacred Sin, wasn't. The most famous guitarist of the 80's got his name spelled wrong on the slide announcing his victory. Will Playboy replicate the error on its broadcast? Probably. A weird moment accompanied Eon McKai's picking up his Best All-Sex Release Award for Neu Wave Hookers. The movie tied with JacktheZipper's Blacklight Beauty. Both directors are former VCA talent, so LFP/VCA's production head, Drew Rosenfeld, came up to accept the award for McKai. "I don't know if I'm supposed to even be here," said McKai meekly. Rosenfeld called McKai, who left VCA for Vivid-steve shortly after Neu Wave Hookers came out, a "talented director". Under Rosenfeld, Hustler this year won the fewest trophies of any major studio and the fewest AVN Awards in the company's history. Its Beaver Hunt won Best Series but its Best Sex Comedy (Joanna's Angels 2: Alt Throttle) was developed with another company (Burning Angel) and the only other award it received was directed by someone who left the company in disgust. Amy Ried accepted both her awards despite having retired from the business (but so did Eve Laurence but there she was at the Naughty America booth). I was in one of the eight skyboxes above the show floor so I can only say her look was inscrutable, especially when Vince Vouyer intercepted her award for Best Anal Scene in an uncomfortable show of dopiness, especially as the trophies presented were temporary and they'll both get real ones anyway. Late 90's band Buckcherry finished the show to a quarter-capacity room. The AVN Awards usually empty out early, but this was a show people really should have stayed for, if for no other reason than the John Stagliano-choreographed opening dance with a hundred dancers and his Fashionistas mid-show break. I feel for Fishbein in the way one always feels sorry for people suffering from a crisis of their own creation. He exhorted fans to see the stage version of Fashionistas, probably because Fashionistas Safado: The Challenge only got three minor awards (update: Fishbein denies this. "It is a really good show," he said). He looked uncomfortable when Larry Flynt came onstage, as did Flynt. I hope the broadcast preserves these moments, because embarrassment can be an excellent motive for change. That is why I no longer wear Christmas trees dangling from my testicles. Personal tragedies   The line for Southwest Airlines, the unofficial carrier of the porn community for the Burbank/Vegas route, stretched a quarter mile at McCarran Airport. Luckily I was only dropping someone off.After sleeping for 14 hours, I can't wait to go back next year. Just remind me to bring some groceries for the press line. See the gallery here. Previously: AVN wrap-up 2006 See also: AVN Awards ¶ Sunday, January 14, 2007 3 Comments Links to this post
Friday, January 12, 2007
Sophia Santi's golden arches
 I interviewed Sophia Santi at last year's convention and yesterday and, to my horror, saw that her eyebrows had not changed. In fact, I had absently left my room key on her right eyebrow last year and it was still there when I came back.The image on the left was taken in 2006. Here Santi appears to be keeping a secret from us. Yesterday's Santi was more of a world-weary badass. Santi lives in West Hollywood, far away from the Digital Playground compound. I asked her what effect her 5'9"ness has on the patrons of the French Market Cafe. "I'm not in West Hollywood much, either," she said, overscheduled, looking away, ashamed of my love. "I travel when I'm not doing this." Labels: avn, because, events, WGL ¶ Friday, January 12, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Why CES and AVN broke up
 When the AVN Expo was a tiny little division of the Consumer Electronics Show, the adult area, as it should have been, was a curtained-off ghetto. I never went to the AVN Expo when it was part of CES, but since I attended both shows this year, I got versions of the breakup story from several people.I walked into CES press registration on Monday with a laptop loaded with a few technology-related press clippings. I was not pre-registered. I got my press badge and an excellent computer bag within five minutes. "Are you also going to the AVN show?" the registrar asked. "Yes," I said. "We used to handle their registrations, but they dumped us," the woman said. "Why?" "I think we were more expensive than who they use now." Throughout CES, my laptop was always on the web, password-free. I spoke with several other writers who remembered when AVN was part of CES. "AVN was the best part of CES," one freelancer told me. "It would drain attendees from the surrounding exhibits. A lot of guys just sort of backed slowly into the AVN show, hoping no one would notice." Former AVN editrix Rebecca Gray was there the final year AVN and CES were shacked up. "Eventually CES started posting signs on the bathrooms warning people that 'adult performers might be changing inside'," she said. "That was offensive to a lot of people." It sounded like the two entities were drifting apart. After press registration for AVN, which took me 40 minutes despite pre-registration, confirmation e-mails, multiple recitations of my real name (Ronnie James Dio), and fortuitous encounters with people who knew me, I was approached by several CES attendees who offered to purchase my badge. I couldn't do it; I didn't want to go back to the press room, which was populated like the cantina on Mos Isley and offered sporadic, password-protected Internet access, and go through the line again. For Internet access I snuck into AVN's VIBE (Very Important Business Executives) Lounge, and the staff there were very friendly. I was often the only person there. I was thankful for it, but wondered why AVN hadn't made the same resources available for press.  A certain wretched excess characterized CES the same way AVN seemed parsimonious. In a keynote speech by Dell CEO Michael Dell, Mike Myers as Dr. Evil showed up on stage to perform an inane skit that might not have been funny even five years ago. I couldn't focus on their script because I was too busy wondering how much Myers was being paid. (I finally decided he was being paid a lot.) Since AVN and CES overlapped at the Sands, I often went back to CES' press room to post for my site, Gamelink, and G4TV. There were hearty lunches and delightful snacks. The room closed when CES closed on Thursday, and some other writers complained that it was stupid to close the press room with the convention - they could not file their stories. I just sat outside in the hall; the press room was closed but they hadn't turned their router off. It was interesting how both entities dealt with their press. AVN was far more wary, and kept setting up barriers that made gaining access difficult. For example, I had to go to one place for my press badge, will need to go to another place for my red carpet access, and yet a third place for my tickets to tomorrow's show. One badge did everything at CES. My suggestion for AVN is to integrate press credentials and make badge pickup available prior to the Expo for those who pre-register. Having temps handling registrations on site, who loudly ask attendees why they have two names, also seems like something that practical people might avoid. Despite signs like the one at the top of the page, there was a free market in wrist bracelets and swapped badges, making me wonder why we went through all the trouble. One thing is certain: CES had better swag but AVN had better booth girls. ¶ Friday, January 12, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
From Kelly to Alana
 Alana Evans told me the story about her Mustang today, in which Kelly Clarkson (or her manager) didn't like the idea of a porn star driving the same kind of car she had."It really worked out better for me," Evans said, "because now people are giving me free things for my car just so people will see me driving around with them." Evans will be rocking the Ponante Motorsports spoiler on her 4.6 at the Van Nuys Speedway next week. Labels: avn, because, events, WGL ¶ Friday, January 12, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Virtual Hole lands boxcover contract
 Maybe AVN Expo booths aren't expensive compared with his and her luxury vehicles, but Asian sex toy manufacturer Virtual Hole should have shelled out a few extra bucks for a copy editor - maybe one of the recent deportees from AVN? - for their banner, which seems to hedge its bets between being the ultmate virtual vagina system and just being one of the many virtual vagina systems crowding store shelves.I asked one of the booth ladies how many actual vaginas I could buy for the cost of a Virtual Hole, and I think she thought I was propositioning her. "Don't worry, Baby," I said. "I am a ultmate sexy bang bang zoom gentleman long time right now." Previously: Porn and spelling; Mind your boxcovers; Whither Coke Chain? Labels: avn, events, marital aids ¶ Friday, January 12, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Nautica Thorn is neither Mika Tan nor Mya Luanna
 Signing at the Hustler booth under a Mya Luanna poster, Nautica Thorn, a woman in front of me said, seemed awfully animated for Mya Luanna. When I told her that the articulate woman signing posters was not Mya Luanna she nodded, reached the counter and asked, "Mika, could you sign this to Wendy?" Labels: avn, because, events, WGL ¶ Friday, January 12, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
"Now I've seen everything"
 ...said the mountainous loaf of a security guard at Eroticist Films' party last night at Hidden Secrets. He was watching Velocity Chyaldd smear herself with a bloody knife in important places. "I didn't see that coming."I'd been to three parties before this one last night, each a grudging appearance with a long line and a diminished return. The final one involved showing up to a strip club with party passes, only to find there was also a guest list and that we'd have to pay 30 bucks to get in. Throwing a party at a strip club during a porn convention is as fun as throwing the NRA convention in a cemetery; it's useless repetition without the payoff.  Anyway, the Eroticist Films party was held in a venue just big enough so I could avoid my enemies but small enough to always know where a bar was. Attending was a nice cross-section of pornische New York intellectuals like Zak Sabbath, his female doppelganger Mandy Morbid, and Audacia Ray, juicy Las Vegas resident Caroline Pierce, AVN Best New Starlet nominee Courtney Cummz, Avenue X director Joe Gallant, who was offering vision quest bus tours to the desert with customizable spirit animals, and Ms. Chyaldd herself, who presented an act more or less impossible to follow.  Sabbath is, aside from Michelle Aston, the only working porn performer with a mohawk. "To what do you attribute the preponderance of fine-ass pu**y here this evening?" I asked. "Art, Man," Sabbath replied. "Women see Art, the blood rushes downward." "You know, Art Garfunkel might disagree," I observed. "He's playing at the Vegas Hilton, and cracka ain't getting no tail."  Impresario Ron Royster greeted guests like a combination of Mr. Rourke and Lemmy Kilmister. "I don't believe how many people are here," said Royster, who had to turn people away and who was sounding like his own press release. "It's like they re-routed the Pretty Girl Plane from McCarran."  Indeed the event was, refreshingly, an anti-sausage party. It was a tofurkey party. I received so many offers of favors to sway my judgments in the karaoke contest that I felt like I could qualify for AVN's health insurance. In the end, though, it was impossible to decide. "Stop blowing me," I said. "You're all pretty." Previously: Gang Bang double feature; Nurse Mika Tan just because; Meet Veronique Vega See also: Eroticist Films Labels: avn, directors, events, WGL ¶ Friday, January 12, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Bryn Pryor and Kylie Ireland: dressing for success
 I asked Corruption director Bryn Pryor (whom I feel should win a Best Director award this Saturday despite my unease with the movie he directed) if those were prescription sunglasses."I wear sunglasses indoors because I decided a while back that the only way I was going to be taken seriously at the AVN show was if I looked like a prick," he said. "Please continue," I said. "..so I got the tinted shades for indoor use and grew the goatee and wore all black and cultivated the look of an asshole like every other porn director." I asked what his acceptance speech would be and he said there was no way he was going to win. "Why?" "There's just no way. (Corruption is) too difficult for voters," he said. I told him that I would buy him lunch if he didn;t win, because I really don't think I'll have to buy him lunch. (Oh, and Kylie Ireland was there, too. She's very supportive.) Labels: avn, directors, events, WGL ¶ Thursday, January 11, 2007 3 Comments Links to this post
Sophie Dee likes her hair like she likes her men
 Sophie used to be blonde, and I didn't recognize her at first because her eyes were closed, then she opened them, and someone behind me said, "I'd do her just for her eyes."Considering the setting, I thought that was very sweet. Labels: avn, because, events, WGL ¶ Thursday, January 11, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Justine Joli: Multitasker
 Stuck downstairs in the Business-2-Business Ghetto at the AVN Expo, I found Justine Joli."Come with me," she said. "I need to smoke." "You're smoking now," I pointed out. We went to a forgotten stairwell and she did a little advertising while she lit up. That is my knee in the corner (I am not a very good photographer). Labels: avn, because, events, WGL ¶ Thursday, January 11, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Heather Vuur is a good sport
 The delightful Heather Vuur, Ninnworx spokesfemme and star of Sacred Sin, poses with my cell phone in front of her sad-eyed poster.
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
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Benny Profane, Zak Sabbath, and Audacia Ray walk into a party at which a woman pops balloons by means of darts she shoots out of her pussy
 ...this sounds like the start of a joke that ends in Abu Ghraib, doesn't it? These horrifying things transpired at a party hosted by Ron Royster, who will be throwing a porn star karaoke (the name isn't patented, but I don't use capitals out of respect for the original) evening tonight at Hidden Secrets in Las Vegas.Labels: events, just wrong ¶ Thursday, January 11, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Elsewhere on the Interweb
from Fleshbot
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Here's that Jayden Jaymes
 This is the sort of person who makes me drop food out of my mouth. Why didn't I notice her before? I must have been eating sandwiches in the next room for the past year.
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
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Joanna Angel caters to my audience
 "I know what you do on your site," she said ruefully.Labels: "burning angel", avn, events, hustler, WGL ¶ Wednesday, January 10, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
This man trod on Tina Tyler
 Like you, I feel that what Lexington Steele has to say is important. Unfortunately, this camera person more or less shoved wee Tina Tyler aside to film it. There is a lot of such behavior at the AVN show (and of course it is not restricted to the porn world). It should stop.
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
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Chances are Memphis Monroe doesn't care what's on this guy's business card
 (But God Bless Her for pretending.)
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
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Jesse Jane uses a Mac in the pit of Hell
 There were little pockets of Macintoshes throughout CES and the overlapping AVN show, including favorite little pocket Jesse Jane.
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
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AVN Expo begins
 As a service to everyone who might find their booth furniture ($2100) not delivered, their high-speed Internet service ($1895) not hooked up, their registration lost in a power surge (45 minutes), or their contract stars overdosed (priceless), I have taken the liberty of pre-writing AVN's show opening article.AEE Opens to Unprecedented Excitement The Adult Entertainment Expo opened today to unprecedented crowds who were excited. "We're very excited about the next few days," AVN President Paul Fishbein told AVN.com in an exclusive interview. "We have more exhibitors, more stars, and more fans than ever before. I'm very excited." Also excited were the numerous company owners whose studios are represented on the floor of the Sands Convention Center in Las Vegas. "We are very excited," said Digital Playground's Joone. His partner, Samantha Lewis, added, "What is particularly exciting is the presence of our contract stars, especially Jesse Jane, Sophia Santi, Shay J., Jana Cova, Katsumi, and former Vivid Girl but now Digital Playground contract girl Lacie Heart." Jane, who is also excited, said so. "I am very excited to be here at AEE: Sexy! Powerful!" Jane giggled. "I can't wait to see who wins the awards!" Exhibiting an alternative form of excitement were Vivid-alt's stable of directors and stars. "I'm excited about making porn for that couple," Eon McKai said, pointing to a mohawked pair loitering nearby. "What really excites me, though, is this new band I found on MySpace. Wait a minute - I have their stickers somewhere. Hold on, I'll get some." In another booth, Jeff Mullen of AllMediaPlay expressed his excitement. "I just got blown in the bathroom," Mullen said. "It was exciting. But in the walk from the bathroom to here, I've completely forgotten who it was. I hope it wasn't someone my company doesn't represent." Gram Ponante, spokesmodel for the Former AVN Staffers of America (Local 314), said, "I'm still waiting to get into 2003's Jill Kelly party." Check back for constant exciting and unprecedented updates. Labels: events ¶ Wednesday, January 10, 2007 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Your sickness accommodated
 The Floating World, the adult industry's news aggregator, has graciously compiled a list of porn parties and tartlet signing schedules to facillitate your filthy habits."This year's list contains a very useful feature for fans - a text-only list of signing times and locations that can be printed out and easily referenced during the show," said Floating World publisher Terri Redor, visibly disgusted at the thought of thousands of fans clutching gummy Xerox copies of Annie Cruz' appearances. The signing list is available here. And the party list (or, as I like t call it, Sausage Links) is available here. Previously: All tomorrow's parties; Tera doesn't dig on swine See also: The Floating World ¶ Tuesday, January 09, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
All About All About Anna
 I sat on this review for a while because this 2005 Swedish quasi-porn movie (where the lack of reality comes from the story rather than the sex) had yet to be released in the United States, though it is on Wicked's slate for distribution this Spring.But All About Anna will be screened by the University of Chicago's Doc Films Society, the oldest student-run film group in the United States, along with several other pieces of pornography that make you think. Will Dirtpipe Milkshakes 2 be included? No. For they are intellectual cowards. It is possible to actually see the pleasure being sucked out of a room when one watches a blowjob on film with a bunch of academics. If you are in Chicago visiting Hillary Scott's family, you can view All About Anna on January 18. Read the review here. Previously: Gry Bay Gry: Make your mother sigh See also: Doc Films, All About Anna on MySpace ¶ Tuesday, January 09, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Elsewhere on the Interweb
Monday, January 08, 2007
Digital Playground offers teaser poster of Pirates 2
 As if it hasn't made enough money, Pirates has spawned a sequel, the teaser of which will be shown at AEE this week in the Digital Playground booth.More exciting to fans of vagueness, however, is the Pirates II poster, which combines elements of Batman, The Lord of the Rings' Mouth of Sauron and the mothership scene in Close Encounters, all boiling down to a definitive statement of What Sexy Is. It also employs the hooded figure motif that made Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut the jerkoff sensation it was. But what the Pirates II ad really looks like is The Exorcist. Here's an idea: if it's a porn movie, how about you put a girl on the poster?  Previously: Wicked decides on HD-DVD; "For the love of God let me die"; Feelin' Groovy See also: Digital Playground Labels: "digital playground", hype ¶ Monday, January 08, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Porned Alaska
 Alaska, the graphic designer whose boxcover art is often the best part of many porn movies, has a new website featuring his porn work and mainstream art.Six Months of Light vaults the designer out of his .net ghetto into .com sunshine, with all the respect and validation that implies. How many times did I tell Alaska that only gonzo girls have dot net addresses? A lot. Previously: Mia and Ava Rose in Double Trouble; Vivid wins Alt war without shot being fired; alt.squeal See also: Alaska ¶ Monday, January 08, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Tera Patrick doesn't dig on swine - denies sausage party
 Tera Patrick and life partner Evan Seinfeld will host her second annual "Diva Las Vegas" party this Thursday at the Venetian's Tao nightclub in Las Vegas.To stay awake at this week's AVN convention I will be employing technology like that used in A Clockwork Orange to keep Alex's eyes open. I will be attending a lot of parties. Seinfeld's description of "Diva Las Vegas" concerned me. “Last year's party was undoubtedly the number one AVN party of the year," Seinfeld said. "We had over 4,000 people attend, including celebrities such as Mark Wahlberg, Mike Tyson, Dennis Rodman and Diddy, not to mention a virtual who’s who of smoking hot pornstars, and an unparalleled girl to guy ratio, as all of Tera’s events are famous for!” I was at that party last year, and can confirm that it was wise for Seinfeld to say that the ratio of girls to guys was unparallelled while not saying what that ratio was. I would say the ratio of girls to guys at last year's party was roughly 1:100. There is nothing like smelling the Ax Body Spray of 3600 guys to make one think "Welcme to Las Vegas". Previously: Virtual (Protected) Sex; Tera runs with motorcycle gang See also: Teravision Labels: events, teravision ¶ Monday, January 08, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Beware of Greeks bearing jizz
 Barbed Wire Kiss, the movie that launched my stellar directing career (I put my unmistakeable filmic signature on a scene between Adrianna Nicole and Tee Real in an otherwise-Benny Profane-directed movie) will be shown at the Athens (Greece) film festival.I don't like the word jizz, but it was the only word that could convey my complex feelings. Benny Profane observed the following conversation in a baklavateria: Convenience store owner: We Greeks invented democracy! Redneck: Yeah, you also invented homos! Barbed Wire Kiss will also be screened with Swedeporn All About Anna, Winkytiki's ReBelle Rousers, and Margie Schnibbe's/Vena Virago's Pornstar Pets. Previously: Possibly the greatest movie of all time; Lorelei Lee and Adrianna Nicole just because; Barbed Wire Confidential; Fiat Lux Kassidy See also: Benny Profane, Athens Porn Festival Labels: directors, dvds, steveporn ¶ Monday, January 08, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, January 05, 2007
Porn and spelling
 As you know, women are aroused when they observe good spelling. They like to get closer to the people who do it, and are often observed fellating them."Grams, I want to make freak on you," said my junior high school girlfriend, Thongtop Juicypants (she was from Thailand) when I won the spelling bee for the Bogue Chitto Unified School District. Anyway, Vivid-steve sprang into action when it learned that one-half of the title of Kimberly Kane's new movie, until just recently called Triple Ecstacy, was spelled incorrectly. Spelling errors account for 90 percent of the wood-killing mistakes in today's porn market, and they are killing our fish and ducks. While it pains me that Kimberly Kane will have to have the old tattoo burned off and the new one burned on, I am happy that the porn community's high percentage of college graduates will not be shamed. Previously: Joanna's Angels 2: Alt Throttle; Wonderland: Return of the Tounge; Mind your boxcovers; Still life with Santa, toilet See also: Vivid-steve, A Fleshbot story Labels: steveporn, toilet, vivid ¶ Friday, January 05, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
All tomorrow's AVN parties, pt. XXVI
 Jasmine Byrne will be one of the attendees of the bottle service-o-riffic party that Weiss and Associates and the Bunda Media Group will be hosting Friday, January 12 at the Rum Jungle inside Mandalay Bay.As Michael Corleone said to his sister Connie, "I don't know much about the Bunda Media Group; I don't know what he does for a living; what he lives on," but guests at the soiree will include Jasmine Byrne, Taylor Wane, Alana Evans, Sean Michaels, Monica Mayhem, Ava Rose, Flower Tucci, Sasha Grey, Marie Luv, Nikki Hunter, Brianna Luv, Roxy Deville, Gia Paloma, and Kelly Wells. If you are thinking already that there are too few hours in the day to attend all these parties, remember that I will be offering a bottle service cab for people wishing to hit multiple events. Previously: Britney Rears: Special Victims Unit; Gang Bang Double Feature Labels: events ¶ Friday, January 05, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Truth is Beauty
 There is always something slightly off about the women in the True dating service ads I need to navigate past in order to get to my useless MySpace page.This is the first one whom I thought might make a good addition to the Gram Ponante Towers, Yurt, and Militarized Compound above the Santa Susanna Pass, but I think it's because she reminded me of the outfits Kami Andrews used to wear (sob) back when she was in porn (sob). Still, - and not like this is a bad thing - she looks like a cowgirl sex wraith. I encourage the overlapping of styles in contemporary art, but this woman is a little too PoMo. True is not a sponsor of this site, nor do I feel that the women in their ads could possibly be representative of their talent pool. I have never used a dating service (unless you count being an altar boy), so my experience is limited in that regard. See also: True Labels: found ¶ Friday, January 05, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Concentric circle jerks of porn profits
 The next-most-useless thing to the inflated revenue declared by Big Porn is people blogging about it.The thesis statement of Boing Boing's story about how the adult industry couldn't possibly make $13 billion a year is that the organization offering that number, AVN, is the only source people go to for verification of that number. Among a group that includes Lurk Ford and the Original Violet Blue, Boing Boing editor Xeni Jardin cites Tony Comstock, who says, "Look at any porn video and it’s easy to see the producers didn’t spend a lot of time or money on it." Clearly, he has not seen Gram Ponante's Nutfeast, still the best-selling adult movie of all time, and the only porn movie with a camel race in it. That is why I have commissioned my own study. Taking into account revenues generated by video stores, the Internet, hookers, escorts, call girls, hoz, hotels, United Airlines (a bunch of whores if you ask me), MySpace, the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, the Delia's summer catalog, prostitutes, Verizon (ditto United Airlines), Gram Ponante: Porn Valley Observed, and NASA, whose Space Shuttle is equipped with technology that can see people naked, the adult industry makes exactly $998 billion a year. That's right: Nine Hundred and Ninety-Eight billion dollars a year. This is a solid number and I am available for quotes. Furthermore, in 2006 alone (figures were made available, like, 20 minutes ago), the adult industry was responsible for 10 of the 14 warmest summers in the past decade, the five highest-grossing concerts, took Blu-Ray-compatible footage of Saddam Huseein's hanging, killed Gerald Ford and poisoned that Russian guy (the adult industry isn't good with names), gave back the Lindbergh Baby, kept on rockin' in the free world, had more #1 hits than Elvis or the Beatles, wrote that fat girl book by Wally Lamb, and served 150 lunches to homeless veterans. It's just that legitimate. I want people to stop marvelling about how much or how little the porn industry makes. I want them to stop debunking figures based on their lack of a share of those perceived revenues. I want people to stop telling me to do the math; it presupposes a world in which adult trade publications are taken seriously and I don't want to live in that world. It hurts my head. Previously: Perceived money; Adult industry writers wait for check See also: Boing Boing Labels: blogs, hype, money, trademags ¶ Friday, January 05, 2007 2 Comments Links to this post
"So you're having sex, and people find this a turn-on?"
 Gardening and weaponry network G4TV's Layla Kayleigh interviewed Joanna Angel for a recent feature on the cable channel's website, The Feed.Kayleigh, who has a porn star name but otherwise doesn't know much about the business, uttered the subject line whilst quizzing Angel about her movie The XXXorcist. Unlike Glenn Beck's boorish performance interviewing Paul Fishbein a while back, Kayleigh's was much more respectful of porn, even though she didn't know anything about it. I think if the topic had been the Nintendo Wii or cheat codes that work cross-platform, the substance of the interview would have been different in that the interviewer would have taken the time to find out a little more about the subject before diving in. Can you imagine an interview with, say, a town selectman in which the reporter would get away with asking what it is the selectman does? It is much safer in the mainstream world to claim ignorance or outrage when dealing with the adult business than it is to discuss the fisting techniques that the American public really craves. As Adam learned when Our Lord drove him from the Garden, knowledge is a stain. That said, the interview was fun, Angel distanced herself from the "altporn" label, and I applaud G4 for acknowledging that 98 percent of its viewers watch porn. See Joanna Angel with Layla Kayleigh in their "Girl on Girl" segment here. Previously: Welcome geeks with jobs; Joanna Angel's Porny Monster See also: G4TV ¶ Friday, January 05, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Gram's pharmacopia
 Frequent visitors to this site (including my sister, whose Internet Exlorer History I checked), might have noticed a drop-off in the number of posts recently, while others were just overjoyed to have anything. That is because I have been on vacation for the past three weeks and have just this day returned.Sorting through the collected e-mails I've receved, many concerning next week's AVN convention, I felt overwhelmed. What should I write about first? What is my angle? How will America best be served by my porn reportage? The thoughts cycled and recycled. Should I go on antidepressants? "No, you should just delete all that mail," a friend suggested. Sorry Adultcon! Labels: las drogas ¶ Friday, January 05, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Because I could not wait for MILFs...
 Pity the MILF. While you were out boozing it up with all your buddies, getting up to God-knows-what, she was back at home raising your children in her thong. No New Year's revelry for her; she was on her knees scrubbing your boat deck with her ass in the air, dreaming only of chocolate-covered cherries and her weekly Bunko game.Now she and all her MILF friends are going out without you, and you'll be sorry. You know what a minivan full of bustier-clad unbalanced estrogen levels is called? I don't either. Half of Fleetwood Mac, maybe? I don't know. Anyway, to celebrate Sinsation Pictures' release of Dee's movie MILFs' Night Out, star Kristal Summers has signed several copies that will be offered exclusively via my friends at Gamelink. It is like your mother is signing your homework, except with sex. MILFs' Night Out also stars Demi Delia, TJ Powers, Kitty Langdon, and Brooke. Previously: Michelle Aston will eat your girlfriend like a sandwich; Your mother should probably be arrested; Your week in MILFs See also: Sinsation Pictures
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Wednesday, January 03, 2007
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Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Eroticist Karaoke: Escape from the Valley of the Sluts
 Updating this site from an Internet cafe on an island in the Atlantic Ocean does not afford privacy enough to provide the fisting, gaping, and transsexual action readers of this site have come to expect and crave, but it did give me time to determine that a full 83 percent of my incoming mail is spam. One mail that straddled both worlds was the message from reclusive millionaire Ron Royster, who offered me an university diploma and a sneak peek at the party his company, Eroticist Films, is throwing during the AVN Expo. Eroticist Films Presents: See also: Eroticist FilmsThe 2007 Porn Star Karaoke World Championships FIRST PRIZE: $500 DATE: Thursday, January 11th, 2007 WHERE: Hidden Secrets 5285 Dean Martin Drive Las Vegas, NV 89118 (702) 307-2386 Ample Free Parking TIME: 10:00pm - 4:00am ADMISSION: $20 In accepting my judgeship of the event, I asked Royster what the demographics of the championship would be. "Pretty girls, Man. All sorts of girls. All girls are pretty, Man," he said. Reservations for the event will be limited to VIP booths with Table service. To reserve a booth, contact Rob at Hidden Secrets - (702) 307-2386 or info@hiddensecretslv.com For interviews or further information, contact Ron Royster at 404-895-6061 or ron@eroticistfilms.com For media passes for the event, contact Vinnie Savio at 213-270-3498 or surdalis@gmail.com. Royster's 2006 movie, Atomic Vixens: Escape from the Valley of the Sluts (starring, among others, Lacie Heart), has been nominated for four AVN Awards. “I’ve seen many adult industry folks sing and I think the competition is going to be fierce," Royster said. Previously: Fixin' to Vixen; The Colostitute Labels: directors, dvds, events ¶ Tuesday, January 02, 2007 0 Comments Links to this post
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