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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Whither Coke Chain?
 This weekend I attended San Francisco's Somewhat Erotic Exotic Expo and Ball (see Fleshbot story) and encountered this movie poster whilst perusing the art at the Erotic Heritage Museum (where I met a woman claiming to be an erotic art appraiser), opening in Vegas next May.Aside from being a near-perfect likeness of me, the slapping man depicted about to put a beat-down on Lisa Baer (or Lisa Baker - after all, it's porn and this industry can't be held accountable for spelling - there's too many more important things to deal with) is only somewhat important. Of much more importance is the location of the man named Coke Chain (or Coke Cain- after all, it's porn and this industry can't be held accountable for spelling - there's too many more important things to deal with). I think the terrorists would have truly won if we allow Coke Chain to be lost to the ages. Don't let this essential part of our nation's precious erotic heritage die. If anyone knows the wherabouts of Coke Chain, who probably played one of a carful of rapists in this Gail Palmer movie, please let me know. Previously: Whither Steve Banan?; Whither Kiki D'aire? See also: Hot Summer in the City , Hot Summer in the City review ¶ Tuesday, October 31, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post  
As long as the first rule is feed her a sandwich
 I have a feeling this naughty teen could almost disobey the rules of gravity.Previously: Sperm to bridge color divide; Oh to live on Cameltoe Mountain See also: Lethal Hardcore 
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
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Teagan distances herself from La Sad Eyes, aligns with Carlito
 One of my favorite porn movies is Digital Playground's Contract Star. It's about two cholo-talking white guys, played by Evan Stone and Eric Masterson, who long to break out of their adult company warehouse jobs by finding a "contract star".I talked with Digital Playground contractor Teagan Presley yesterday and asked her about her role as "La Sad Eyes" in that movie. "It wasn't my best work," she said. "Oh, Teagan," I said. "You're always shooting from the hip. What a joy you must be to your handlers!" She said that one of her favorite movies was Island Fever 4, noting that both she and Jesse Jane have five scenes in it. She also said that she and Jesse enjoyed snorkeling in the rain during off-days while the movie was filming. Aren't the DP girls briefed to sell the back catalog? I was sad that she didn't enjoy being La Sad Eyes, though. When I lend out that movie, it is the one that is most often not returned. In other Teagan news that will be especially infuriating to ladies, she says that she has maintained a weight of 102 lbs. for several years despite a near-constant diet of Carl's Jr. "I have really good genes," she said. Previously: The Second Lex; Teagan: "More in the ass"; What is happening to my Teagan? See also: Digital Playground
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
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Monday, October 30, 2006
This is how porn guys live
 James Deen on the set of Hustler's Educating Nikki. Kenny DeMartinez is one of the adult industry's only full-time production designers, and he put together the set of Deen's cheap hotel room.Previously: Christmas in Memphis; I submit to Britney Rears See also: The Education of Nikki Nine (gamelink); A foreshadowing Easter Egg, or: What complimenting the set designer gets you ¶ Monday, October 30, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Friday, October 27, 2006
5, Vuur
 On my way to San Francisco for the Erotic Exotic Ball, I stopped at the Dutch-flavored Andersen's Pea Soup Restaurant on Rt. 5. I did not see Heather Vuur. Previously: I, Vuur; Open bar at the Van Halen place, Night zero ¶ Friday, October 27, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
I, Vuur
 I cannot get the name Heather Vuur out of my head.Ninnworx' contract performer and the star of Sacred Sin, Vuur was once known in less Ninnier days as Heather Vandeven. Under that name she was a Penthouse Pet and pal of the former Natalia Cruze. As Vandeven is a Dutch name, it was perhaps fitting that when Heather got a little pornier she would choose as her surname the Dutch word for fire, and hang around with people named Van Halen. But it just. doesn't. sound right and my brain is about to melt with this awkward juxtaposition of English and Dutch (which is what New York and Pennsylvania were for a couple of centuries, but still). Would you say:
Previously: Porn I'd like to see See also: NinnWorx  
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006
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Digital Playground launches Shay product
 Digital Playground has rolled out its 2006 contract girl product, the Shay Jordan, to join the Jesse Jane, Teagan Presley, Jana Cova, and Sophia Santi models.DP sources deny depreciation of the older releases. Like Hustler's contract girls, who each fill a certain niche (corn-fed girl next door, crazy cat lady, short-term enigma), Shay will round out a family of distinct roles. Speculation as to what her role will be includes the following:
Everyone seems to like Jordan, who appears level-headed and wholesome, as well as drug-and disease-free. In fact, the only things she oozes are "sex appeal and self-confidence" and, instead of sharing needles, "she shares synergy with Digital Playground and is looking forward to becoming one of the worlds most demanded sex symbols". Jordan currently appears in Teagan: Sexual Freak 2 and will first headline in Shay Jordan: Sexual Freak 3. Previously: Pink Submarine; Jesse Jane's Freak Show See also: Digital Playground ¶ Wednesday, October 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tales from the darkside of Mya Luanna
 "...but there is, unseen by most, an underworld; a place that is just as real, but not so brightly lit..."As you know, Mya Luanna is about as tiny and complex as a compound molecule. According to the literature accompanying her latest for Hustler, The Dark Side of Mya Luanna, the contract girl is tired of acting all sweet and innocent and now demands your attention like never before. Vignettes involving Luanna turning the tables on her McBoss, Katja Kassin doing something German, and Adrianna Nicole strip-teasing menacingly all coalesce into one big advertisement for being afraid of women all over again. Then there's an orgy in a library showing Luanna's distaste for peace and quiet. The Dark Side of Mya Luanna is available today. Previously: Nine falls on the Cold Valley; End of the summer; Of Mice and Mya Luanna 
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006
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Verizon: More dropped calls, testicles
 As you know, Gram Ponante.com is your source for transgender news, transsexual-related hockey scores, and dating tips for she-males.Today's New York Daily News reports that men who live as women are now allowed to use New York Transit System restrooms for women. A group called the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund filed a complaint against the MTA on behalf of a 70-year-old Verizon technician, born Henry McGuinness, but who now pees as Helena Stone. Some MTA riders were wary that predators might dress as women to take advantage of the new ruling. The MTA said that commuters were free to use bathrooms "consistent with their gender expression". The brouhaha and eventual ruling, which resulted in the restitution of $2,000 in legal fees for McGuinesss/Stone, diverts attention from the real problem, which is that only deviants use public toilets in New York City. Previously: Allanah Starr will try anything once; Jay Moyes: Flames, floggers, and fangs See also: Girls' room his, too (nydailynews) Labels: toilet ¶ Wednesday, October 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
"She never sleeps"
 In its continued struggle to make sense of half-heard airplane conversations, things scrawled on restroom walls, and issues on the November 7 ballot, the team at XXXUrbanLegends (along with Karen Kim) recently shot the Hoover, in which one's partner imitates a vacuum cleaner during wholesome, consensual sex.Exactly how your partner gets to the vacuum cleaner position will be explained in the forthcoming video. I call this the Samara (or, in Japanese, the Sadako) due to the implied presence of a vengeful ghost. Whatever you call it, those Froot Loops stay gone. Previously: The possible Blumpkin; Billy Glide night at PSK See also: XXXUrbanLegends ¶ Tuesday, October 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Erotic, Cows
 The Erotic/Exotic Expo and Ball returns to San Francisco's Cow Palace this weekend, as will I.The Ball was instituted in San Francisco in 1979, and a consumer expo component was added two years ago. The Expo features erotic art, exotic fashion, sexy products and adult toys from hand-picked exhibitors, plus contests and prizes, a spiritual oasis, a free goodie bag, panel discussions, live burlesque performances from entertainers booked to perform for the Ball, and everything from staged Same Sex Weddings to a Human Petting Zoo.Your guess is as good as mine as to what a spiritual oasis is. Those things don't exist down here. Just the other day I was at a Jack in the Box drive-through. "Would you like to try our Sourdough Jack Value Meal?" a voice asked. "There is no God," I said. The Cow Palace is an historic edifice in San Francisco which was built to host livestock events and other ruminant-friendly affairs like the Grand National Rodeo. It is fitting, then, that a leather event like the Erotic Exotic Expo will be held in a place that has such a fondnesss for pre-leather. The Expo and Ball offers half-price admission to dwarves and midgets. I'm not kidding. Those of you who attend adult events know their attractiveness to little people. In addition to performances by Thomas Dolby and George Clinton, the Expo and Ball will feature appearances by Tera Patrick, homewrecker Cytherea, Lynn LeMay, Sydnee Steele, Olivia O'Lovely, the congenial Sunny Lane, and Devinn Lane (no relation), who will host a MILF Makeover Contest (I'm assuming this means they take your children away). The Exotic Erotic Expo takes place on Friday and Saturday, and the Ball will happen in the same location on Saturday night. pictured: Tera Patrick's appearance as the Rum-Tum-Tugger in Cats. Previously: I like the way you stink; Erotic/Exotic redux See also: Erotic Exotic Ball, Cow Palace ¶ Tuesday, October 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Scenes from a Pussy Party
 I was a judge at Cousin Stevie's 19th PussyParty yesterday.Q. Grams, how does one judge the pussy? A. I always follow the United States Constitution, which is a sexy, sexy document. The house was once rented by Cytherea, and I was treated to photos of how she left it. I asked the owner if I could take pictures of the pictures, but he declined. If the pictures were to be believed, it would have taken the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers to divert a river through the place in order to clean it up. "What is that?" asked a woman pointing to several spots in one of the pictures. "That is where she let the dogs go," said the owner gravely. Anyway, the house was beautiful once again.  Sasha Knox, in her penultimate performance, texted naked. Knox, the most innocent-seeming of the group, also spent a lot of time exhausted from being tossed this way and that. The German Ana Nova, hard at work. Rebelle Rousers director Octavio Winkytiki was the set photographer. I busted him for betraying the alt lifestyle. The German Ana Nova's leg, hard at work. I became a fan of Cindy Crawford, who seems to enjoy what she's doing to Nikki Hunter. This is hard to do. Have you tried it? The Hungarian Clara G. She had the look of a runway model but was very jovial and not-insane. My thermos stands proudly among the other sex toys used in the day's festivities. I will not say if it was used or not. It is possible to hang out by the pool naked without a webmaster convention showing up. There is nothing fetishistic about my work. The action got so intense that at one point someone's arm fell off.Pussy Parties are great fun. Cousin Stevie fluidly manages an operation that would otherwise be like herding cats. Previously: Pussy Party gallery; A patriotic Pussy Party; Day rate plus anal See also: Cousin Stevie ¶ Tuesday, October 24, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, October 23, 2006
Allanah Starr will try anything once
 I was driving through North Hollywood the other day when I felt the need to stop my car. "Porn is happening somewhere near here!" I cried, and got out. Moments later I found myself knocking at the door of a second floor apartment, in a well-kept complex arranged around a swimming pool in a residential neighborhood. I had been given the address by Jason Sechrest, kabbalah-soaked publicist for the transsexual performer Allanah Starr. Behind the door I heard a male voice. "Dude with a package," he said. I am often mistaken for talent, despite my lack of charisma. A naked woman answered the door, opening it just enough. "I'm here for the shoot," I said. "Downstairs," she said, and closed the door in my face. I walked downstairs to another apartment. I knocked and the door opened, revealing a purple room festooned with bondage equipment. Perched atop a little cage in the middle of the room was Allanah Starr, but the door had opened, it seemed, by itself. "Are transsexuals telekinetic?" I wondered, having not read deeply of the literature.  The door had been opened by Gia Darling (above), the day's other transsexual, and the owner of the company for which Starr would be shooting. Both looked like solid porn girls ready for action. A third person entered the room and I naturally assumed she was a tranny as well. But it was Anita Cannibal. "Girl, you got to put your face on!" I didn't say, not snapping my fingers in a zigzag fashion. Showing the pictures later, I was surprised that several pornish associates were not able to tell who the genetic female was. Taking in the scene, I realized I'd never been to a porn set in someone's apartment before. I'd been to offices, hotel rooms, warehouses, industrial spaces, airports, golf courses, churches, lofts, McMansions, real mansions, car washes, and boiler rooms, but never something as normal as an apartment. Further, this apartment, from which I could hear families swimming outside, heedless, was a dungeon. Awesome. Way to stick it to Westside Rentals. Allanah Starr is very nice. "I was born in Cuba," she said (she pronounced it Coo'-ba, so I know it's authentic), "and came to Miami, then New York. I'm just here this week." Because I am mired in my own laterosexual worldview, I am afraid my questions of Starr sounded naive. "I can't seem to find a consensus on what a genetic male who dresses and identifies as a woman, who has both a penis and breasts, calls herself," I said, rattling off the terms transsexual, tranny, shemale, T-Girl, and Tom Hanks' character from "Bosom Buddies". "I call myself a transsexual," Starr said after a little consideration. "The industry term is usually 'she-male'." In fact, Starr's website is called She-Male Exotica. I asked her if the transsexual porn population was worried about Brazil's status as the Tranny Capital of the World, the way Hollywood is concerned about runaway production to places like Vancouver, and she said she wasn't, but admitted that content is a lot cheaper in Brazil. She hedges her bets by having a lot of Brazilian content on her website. Starr noted that there wasn't much of a transsexual scene in Southern California. I mentioned that, to the layman, the scene seemd restricted to Santa Monica Blvd. between certain hours of day. Starr's experience this week will be a little lonelier than that of other adult performers in California from out of town. "When I come here to work," she said, "I do five or six shoots in a week and try to chill out as much as I can, because there isn't very much else to do here." Starr said that tranny content is usually shelved with gay material, and that stores in general had a hard time classifying transsexual products. I asked her what the optimum conditions would be. "We need our own category," she said. Not gay, not straight, transcending ethnic boundaries, and with no reliance on midgets. T-Girls are the new X-Men. Whose side would Magneto be on? Starr and Darling both described today's scene, filmed as part of Starr's Big Boob Adventures 2, as "campy". Starr played the principal of Darling, who had been caught rendering blowjobs in the school bathroom. At a parent conference, Darling's parents, played by Anita Cannibal and a fellow named Jimbo, offered alternatives to Darling's expulsion. "Is this your first tranny shoot?" Starr asked me. "No, my second," I said, thinking of Mya Luanna.  The scene wa different, obviously, for a couple of reasons, but the main one was this: in a straight scene, Starr as the principal would have seduced the parents. In this scene, Jimbo provided the impetus. "Surely there's a way for our daughter to stay in school," Jimbo said. "You look like you haven't been fucked in a while." "All right," Starr said to the camera. "I'll try anything once." Starr removed her top and Jimbo went to work below. "Oh My God!" Cannibal said. "The principal's got a penis; and my husband likes it!" This was Starr's first scene with a genetic female, she said. Cannibal is studying business at CSUN and hopes to go to law school by next fall. She has been in the adult business since 1997, featured in movies like Porn Queen Feet and this year's World's Oldest Gangbang for Metro. She wants to be the first porn star with a law degree, as opposed to the recent trend of lawyers dating porn stars. From Anita Cannibal's blog: ...assimilating into the academic realm has proved challenging at several levels.  Jimbo fingered Cannibal's pussy while Cannibal blew Starr, then there was a short break, because the small office set, though credible for an apartment, was also getting hot. "Bring back the Clam," Darling said of Cannibal. Today was advertised as Allanah Starr's first DP. I asked how a double pennetration was going to be pulled off, what with Starr being short one of the traditional apertures. "We're going to improvise today," she said. I got the feeling that, like "transsexual". the double penetration was open to interpretation. I stayed for about an hour, noting that, for certain reasons, this was the best smelling porn set I'd been on for a long time, as well as a very friendly one. I walked out of the purple tranny dungeon apartment into the 90 degree October day. It was the fact that it was so goddamn hot in October that I found weird. Previously: At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; Tucker: a tran and his breasts; Tranny kept a' rollin'; Transsexual stripper notes See also: Allanah Starr, Gia Darling Labels: "set visits", transsexual ¶ Monday, October 23, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, October 22, 2006
"Fuck the USA," Vivid-steve honcho vows
 Eon McKai, writing from Berlin (Germany, not New Hampshire) where his Girls Lie debuted recently, joined forces with Buck Angel in denouncing the United States."Fuck the U.S.A.," McKai said. "I'm selling my shit here." "Germans are into shit," I noted, all cosmopolitan. Striving to make his point, McKai added that man-with-a-pussy Buck Angel agreed. "Buck Angel feels the same," McKai said. "Feels the same what?" I can't tell you how many people try to convince me to do something just because Buck Angel has done it. It sucks. "Would you like french fries?" "No." "Buck Angel, the man with a pussy, likes them." "Fine." While in Berlin, McKai was interviewed by the German media outlet Der Spiegel about the sexual weltshmerz that is steveporn, and revealed that he joined Vivid for its college loan repayment program. Previously: Is the feature dead?; Vivid's imprint-o-rama; Vivid-steve launched See also: Alternative smut for the silver screen (der spiegel) ¶ Sunday, October 22, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Don Benn stepping down
 The very dapper Don Benn, owner and editor of the Porno News Network, will relinquish day-to-day management of the outlet as of November 1. While Benn recovers from complications of brain surgery, he will contribute articles at a reduced rate.Benn has been writing aboout the industry for eight years ("six of the best years of my life," he said in a letter). The Philadelphia-based website will be managed by former AVN managing editor John Paone come next month. Regardless, we wish Don a speedy recovery and a short hiatus. Previously: Porno News Netowrk obliterated See also: Porno News Network ¶ Sunday, October 22, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, October 19, 2006
The possible Blumpkin
 The facts are these:The other night I traveled to Orange County, where I have heretofore only visited Disneyland (four times), turned down a job in Long Beach (once), been horrified by what passes for dinnertime entertainment at Medieval Times (once), watched my friend purchase a firearm (long story), and had a seagull crap on my head, through a car sunroof, on the way to San Diego (once). At several establishments in the Greater Irvine/Newport Beach area I consumed the following: Margaritas (six), hard cider (one), curly fries (30+), steak & cheese Ciabatta sandwich (one), sushi and faux sushi (15 + pieces), Jager bombs/Deer Hunters (depending on where you're from) (2.5), egg rolls (three), and sake (1/2 bottle). Because I was there for research in addition to consumption, when I returned I was a prime Blumpkin candidate. My question is: Is it a Blumpkin when one is just very gassy? Previously: Speed dating with Angela Stone; Loving the donkey punch, hating the donkey puncher; It's the great Blumpkin, Billy Glide See also: XXXUrbanLegends ¶ Thursday, October 19, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
From Christina to Vixen
 "That's that Vixen Vogel from Minnesota!" I cried when I opened a small care package from Pink Visual containing Gang Bang Squad #8.There is something about Pink Visual's M.O. of simulating the casual seduction of random women in parks, McDonalds, and coffee shops that seems just creepy enough to be real. One imagines swingers, older, industrially-tanned strippers, and guys in goatees and boardshorts roaming all over Los Angeles and the Tucson area with mini-DV cameras, just making it happen. So I saw Vixen on the cover and knew she was in for 1. the simulated pickup in a public area (turns out it was a park), 2. her removal to a place in which several guys would be hanging around, at least one wearing sunglasses indoors (check), and 3. the extraneous narration of the guy behind the camera ("Ryan DePalma"). Opening the DVD, I was surprised to see the redhead listed as "Christina", but then realized that these movies are usually DVD compilations from websites, so the "Vixen" transition had not yet happened. "Christina" had been in Los Angeles for three weeks at the time. Gang Bang Squad 8 was a pretty rough movie ("They didn't have to pretend they were kicking her out, naked, into the street," I thought), but still much better than From Justin to Kelly. Previously: Vixen in Fresh Ripe & Ready; Erotica L.A. in review; Redhead at Rouge See also: Pink Visual ¶ Thursday, October 19, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Sunny Lane, Miss Congeniality
 What is it about former figure skaters from the Sunshine State that makes them so nice? Is it because the struggle to find non-mojito-based ice in Florida forces one to become effervescent? Both Sunny Lane and Dana DeArmond were once figure skaters before they worked for Disney and/or porn, and both are very pleasant to be around (despite the shocking criminal record of one of them). That is why it is no surprise that Lane, who will be interviewed tomorrow on Tha Good Fellas Show on L.A.-based KDAY 93.5, recently took the Congeniality award at the Tampa NightMoves show. You might be amazed, Reader, how noncongenial some in this most intimate of businesses are, but for Lane the Congeniality award is definitely deserved. Ever the astute businesswoman, Lane thanked both Satan and Jesus from the podium. Previously: Porn stars prefer speaking to Gram; The Playboy Mansion in a nutshell; Dana DeArmond helps topple MySpace See also: Sunny Lane ¶ Thursday, October 19, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Missy Monroe finds Jesus
 Missy Monroe, who rocked a blowsy barmaid vibe that I admired and related to, looks all cleaned up on the cover of Lexington Steele's Top Guns 6.Now Steele has always been a dapper gentleman. Look at him slinking back there, making sure to protect his camera and his eyes against the glare of these ultra-white women. But I would not expect Steele to take away everything I hold dear about Missy Monroe by putting her in necklaces and doodads. It is like killing a mockingbird by coming on its face. Anyway, if this is to be the new look for Monroe I will accept it, but I will need to go somewhere else for sloppy skankitude. Top Guns 6 also stars Vida Valentine, Gia Paloma, and Lorelei Lee. Previously: Fiat Lux Kassidy; It's that hundred dollar bash; Report: Jewelry biting on rise in bitch population; The Second Lex See also: Lexington Steele Purchase: Top Guns 6 ¶ Wednesday, October 18, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Nine Falls on the Cold Valley
 As Master Yoda said, "Always three there are: Memphis Monroe and the other two."Hustler has announced the arrrival of Nikki Nine to planet Earth, and a Hustler contract. Apparently she has not been in a movie or posed for a magazine before. She is also allegedly 18. Allegedly 18 is going to be my Barely Legal ripoff when I start my own company. Everyone rips off Barely Legal. My first Allegedly 18 will feature Michelle Aston, Tyler Faith, Lisa Sparxxx, and Dana DeArmond. I will just have them text each other all day and insert emoticons into each other. When I have my weekly summits with the people who control the world's pornography, the complaint I most often hear about contract girls is to a lesser degree the same one I hear about adult actresses in general: they do not have a solid work ethic (people immediately begin chiming in with numerous exceptions to this theory). As a lack of motivation has been the concern about certain previous Hustler contract girls, though, what is the reasoning behind giving someone with no experience a contract? Anyway, Nine replaces Shy Love, who was allowed to break her contract, and joins Mya Luanna and Memphis Monroe. Hustler is very excited about Nine and has great expectations for her, including her ability to effect climate change in Southern California. A press release posits a world in which Nine is so hot that the temperature drops everywhere else, to the point that one can view one's own exhalations. "Nikki Nine is the breath of fresh air the industry hasn't seen in a long while," it says. (picture courtesy Adam Carolla) Previously: Belladonna in a haystack; Of Mice and Mya Luanna; Derby Day for Memphis Monroe See also: Nine is not this Rochester burlesque vixen ¶ Wednesday, October 18, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Nautica Thorn hot girl, Asian
 I just got finished reviewing Digital Playground's Cock Asian for one of my east coast intellectual employers when I heard that Nautica Thorn, featured in one of the solo scenes, had been voted "Hottest Girl in Porn".Wow! I thought. But it turns out that contest is a weekly competition and Thorn just snagged Week 41. That is not to say Thorn won't win the whole shebang at the Hottest Girl in Porn 2007 awards in Las Vegas. When you think about it, that should be a refreshingly short show. Things that almost rhyme with Nautica:
Previously: More geisha news; Dreaming of blondes; Will this be killed? See also: Cock Asian review (fleshbot) ¶ Tuesday, October 17, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunset Thomas to host KSEX Awards
 Sunset Thomas, former madam of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, host of HBO's "Cathouse", and VCA legend, will host the fifth annual KSEX Awards, to be held December 2 at Paladino's in Tarzana.Voting begins today for the fan-based awards, which include the category "Best Knob Slob". XBiz spawn XFanz is the official media sponsor of the event. Other XBiz media sponsorships have included Adultcon and the Temptation Awards. In other news, I have been named the official media sponsor of my drive through Jack in the Box later. “It makes perfect sense that we come together in this event and tag team the industry and fans in plenty of future events as well," I said in a press release. To vote, click here. Previously: What makes boobs real?; You'll always have a shoulder to squirt on See also: KSEXRadio ¶ Tuesday, October 17, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, October 16, 2006
Meanwhile, down at the Inner Whore
 Sin City's Hookers, directed by Club: Jenna's DCypher, features Hannah Harper going Deep Cover and becoming that which she is investigating.Her transition from journalist to hooker is so seamless that one forgets she was ever a journalist at all. Q. What does it say about journalism that it is so easy to make the career change to hooker? A. Not much, unless we are talking about my kind of journalism. After seeing Hookers, I don't know why people keep blabbing on and on about Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein; it's not like they became the President. Read the review here. Previously: Hannah Harper and the DSM-IV; DCypher becomes ronin See also: Sin City ¶ Monday, October 16, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Hotter than a Balrog
 As you know, October is the anniversary month of my Ringwraith wound from that accursed Morgul blade on Weathertop, so you can forgive me for getting all Renaissance Faire on you for a second.These images are from BareMaidens, a site that was developed this year by photographer Alan, who has shot content and boxcovers for several companies, including Vivid, Lethal Hardcore, and Red Light District. The Bare Maidens usually appear strong of arm and capable of handling many horses. Charlotte Stokely actually smiles, which happens when one rides the dragon's breath.  Alan uses models in and out of the porn industry, and his rules seem to be single girl series without male interaction. I asked if any of the porn girls balked at the scanario. "Most of the models are very into the whole fantasy thing," he said. "They have ideas and bring a part of themselves into it."  Woman of Rohan, Elf-friend, or Near Harad Douchebag? "I let them choose if they want to be good or evil," he said, "and what sort of character they want to be." So Lacie Heart worked up the character "Lacie of Endillia: Chosen to lead Najenia in the quest for the missing stones of power". I asked Alan what he did when the other students were playing football and huffing glue at recess. "I used to play Dungeons & Dragons as a kid, and always loved fantasy movies," he said. "'The Lord of the Rings' trilogy is my favorite." "Never heard of it."  The site contains photosets of about 30 models, including Riley Mason, Ava and Mia Rose, Cytherea, Lacie Heart, and Monica Mayhem. Previously: Kami Andrews: "I want to fuck geek girls." See also: Bare Maidens Labels: fotos, LOTR, website, WGL ¶ Monday, October 16, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
O: The places you'll go
 I enjoyed Ernest Greene's O: The Power of Submission very much. It was not because Carmen Luvana suddenly became an actress (although she does look fetchingly intellectual in a black turtleneck sweater) but because the movie didn't make the standard "it's only porn" excuses that a lot of films do that start out ambitious but eventually cave in as the director's vision can't be reconciled with the studio's resources, the crew's need to get it done without going into overtime, and the cast's apathy about the script.Instead, everyone seemed on board with the project, which was an adaptation of Anne Declos' revered BDSM tome from 1954 Paris. All adaptations are vulnerable to attack by people faithful to the source material, and here Greene needed to make some tough decisions. "The setting, which has caused some controversy among BDSM types who treat what was essentially a stroke-book written for a lover on a dare as some kind of holy writ, has been updated to modern Los Angeles, and not just as a matter of convenience," Greene told me. "I see many similarities between the louche, sybaritic and cynical yuppie pervs who inhabit the author's post-war Paris and their counterparts amid the Jaguar-and-McMansion fetishistas of contemporary L.A." Greene said nothing of men under 5'9" who drive Hummers or people who own dogs one can fit into a handbag.  "In the author's day," he continued, "Paris was a rough town, characterized by scarcity, dethroned from its position as a center of high culture by the humiliation and disgrace of defeat and collaboration in the face of fascist aggression and left with little claim to international regard beyond its popular media products - the films of the Nouvelle Vague and the rise of haute couture thanks to Chanel and Dior." "I just bought some sneakers at the New Balance outlet." "In short, (Paris) was a shallow and trendy town full of strivers and sharks, some of whom prospered while most settled for what they could get." "Like Los Angeles." A lot of things seem better when they happened many years ago, but Greene saw a positive change in the way people look at alternative sexual relationships today, crediting "a self-aware community of kinksters."  "It was in reinvention of the characters (to fit the new reality) that constitued the most radical change, and nowhere more so than in my conception of O herself (Luvana'ss character). I'd always found her frustrating in her prototypical form - a weird concoction of romantic vulnerability, cold-hearted calculation, passivity, manipulation, lust, greed and shame." "She completely stole my modus operandi," I agreed. "In the book, right after her return from Roissy, there's a short but revealing description of her sex life prior to meeting Rene (Tommy Gunn's character in the movie has been given the name Ray) that makes her out to be, as a rule, predatory, selfish and casually cruel. I always felt there was a much deeper backstory buried in those few paragraphs and it was in part from that backstory that I mined the materials with which I reconstructed O as Carmen played her."  The movie is worth watching for the great cast as well as what they have to say, even if that is not the lifestyle for you. O manages to get Greene and company's point across without, pardon the term, flogging it to death. Read a review here. Read a related Gamelink article here. Previously: O: The Humanity; Carmen Luvana, smeared with cocaine, getting fucked on a pile of cash See also: Adam & Eve ¶ Monday, October 16, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, October 13, 2006
Casey Parker and California's pioneers
 As promised, here is a set of photos taken of the adorable and level-headed Casey Parker. These photos will reveal Parker in a way never before imagined, and demonstrate my skills in the science of photography.Thrill to Parker standing astride the Lamplighter's underused parking lot planter! Delight to Parker's breaking up a fight between a settler and a Native American! Smile knowingly at her early adoption of consumer technology! See a gallery here. Previously: Bienvenido Casey Parker See also: Shane's World ¶ Friday, October 13, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
The Pride of Saugus un-peeled
 Here at Gram Ponante Towers, Velodrome, and Salmon Hatchery we share something very special with Miss Tyler Faith, who knows the ethical dilemma of poppin' a kid in the fuckin' mouth fa pahkin' in the space she just fuckin' shoveled out. Faith will be feature dancing at the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Establishment in Van Nuys from November 16-18. When one is a feature dancer, one does not return to the stage to collect one's five dollar bills. I often hear stories of tensions between the house dancers and the feature dancers. "Are you nice to the house dancers?" I asked Faith. "I'm nice to them and they're nice to me," she said. "Though some of our favorite porn stars treat the house dancers like SHIT." Every day my education becomes more complete. What will I do when I finally know everything? If you would like to see a video of Tyler stripping (and you would) that contains the song lyric "Tyler loves teasing your hard cock" click here. Previously: Last exit to Tyler Faith; Erotica L.A. in review; What makes boobs real? See also: Tyler Faith ¶ Friday, October 13, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Why I love the theatre
 Here is a still from Asia Noir 5.When I go to see The Departed, that's the theatre I want to see it in. It strikes me that the same type of people who would fondle a half-naked person in a cinema would also be the ones who would talk on their cell phones, arrive late, or wear large hats. Q. Grams, is that another way of your saying Black People? A. No. I'm actually talking about my sister (aside from the fondling). I just noticed the guy taking a picture with the camera phone. Loser. Previously: Don't Tanaka it 'til you try it; Tia Tanaka and the balance of power; You say Tanaka, I say Tanaka See also: Asia Noir ¶ Thursday, October 12, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Later, Skater
 As you know, the steveporn people keep me on a lucrative retainer to shill their wares and report their comings and goings.That is why I thought it would be crafty to not like one of their movies every now and then in an attempt to throw people off my trail of corporate sponsorship. Read the review of Skater Girl Fever here. Previously: All that Naz (thanks, former Acme) ¶ Thursday, October 12, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Succubi-bye love
 While The New Neighbors was actually finished during the Ford Administration, this Other Eddie Van Halen Movie was not released until September 29, just in time for AVN nomination consideration (which is why a lot of tentpole-y movies were released in the last weeks of September, like Island Fever 4, Corruption, and Dirtpipe Milkshakes 2).This movie features a lot of tasty performances and all the women weigh more than 100 lbs. Read the review here. Previously: Wicked good hors d'ouevres; Win the shirt off this topless nun; Nikki Hunter and Linda Roberts - just because 
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Thursday, October 12, 2006
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Absolute Corruption
 When he likes someone, Senator David Walker Helms does not waste his time instant messaging. He is too busy fantasizing about suicide, frowning through a loveless marriage, and feeling contempt for his constituency. Instead, the GOP Senator from California woos his sweethearts by inflicting psychosexual torture and multitasking whilst receiving blowjobs. Corruption was an expertly-made movie but it was not, otherwise, for me (due to my breezy sensibility). Read the review here. Previously: The $15k kind of porn; Bank Holliday?; Corruption in the boiler room See also: SexZ Pictures ¶ Thursday, October 12, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Federales-free porn
 The interesting thing about Axel Braun's Latina Dayworkers is that each Latina is picked up in the same car by a different driver.Beyond this, it is a by-the-book gonzo movie that would probably not sell as much if it were called Hot Latinas 32, but would have lived up to the possibilities of the title better. Read the review here. Previously: Archaeological porn; Mary Carey not Number One Bimbo; Masturbation and shame ¶ Thursday, October 12, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
SF Mayor: Buying crime 'gines nets fines, signs
 San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom's openness to the idea of posting pictures of johns on billboards has sex worker advocates on edge.In a campaign to crack down on illegal massage parlors, especially those involved in sex trafficking, Newsom is planning to fine and jail landlords of the buildings in which those businesses operate. The johns-on-billboards idea was tried across the Bay in Oakland. Maybe Holly Randall could take the pictures? I guess posting johns' pictures is less expensive than installing JumboTrons around the city that would play the Theresa Russell movie Whore, which made America fall in love with prostitutes. Still, there are so many crimes more deserving of public shaming. Previously: No coercion in the champagne room See also: Mayor's plan to curb sex trafficking ¶ Wednesday, October 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Spice racks new channels
 Playboy's Spice Network, once defined as a double-X channel prior to its acquisition by Hef, and then known for content that Playboy TV might be too squeamish or sophisticated to show, has now further subdivided by launching four new channels within its brand.First there's ClubJenna, which is the Jenna 'n' Friends channel, a little bit harder than Playboy TV. Then there is SPICE:XCESS, which features fetish-y stuff as well as more niche content like the disputed category of MILFs. Fresh! highlights newbies and premieres, Finally, there is shorteez. shorteez., you see, avoids capitalization and includes a period in its logo to indicate abruptness. It makes it difficult for people like me who, if it weren't for grammatical errors on porn boxcovers, wouldn't have a job. Every time I write "shorteez." it looks like I'm stopping the sentence but I'm not. shorteez. (and see how awkward it is to start a sentence with it?) is devoted to limited attention span viewers, as well as appropriating the font from Grand Theft Auto, another outlet for people who like porn (and which turned club Jenna into a command) Each 90-minute PPV window features three unique and exciting programming assets tied together by cutting edge interstitial, animation and short form packaging. shorteez. features themed clips, hosted countdowns, porn star blocks, casting calls, Internet and reality style content, and anime. Themes, genre, performer, tie programmed blocks together. shorteez. gives the viewers more of what they want, fast and hard.shorteez. fascinates me, if only because I'm wondering what I'd do with the remaining 85 minutes. Previously: The Playboy Mansion in a nutshell; Gram Ponante sold to Playboy; Club:Jenna See also: Playboy TV ¶ Wednesday, October 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Aubrey Addams in Cock Craving Cuties
 If you know anything about cuties, you know that it's pretty much redundant to say that they crave cock. Still, Aubrey Addams is standing naked at the door; are you going to say she has committed a tautology?This movie also features Adrianna Nicole, Lexi Bardot, and Crystal Clear (whose name I read for the first time yesterday, and here she is again! You'd think that people would just make one porn movie, take all that money, and retire). Despite Ms. Addams' intriguing, if vaguely hostile, pose, all I thought when I saw this picture was, "I know where this house is!" A reader writes: "Aubrey Addams has the stubbiest legs i've ever seen." I happen to know this reader and he shouldn't be calling anyone stubby. I, for one, applaud Ms. Addams for not wearing goddamn stripper heels, which provides a better approximation of how she might look with her feet on my coffeetable, eating chips. Kami Andrews once explained to me the attraction, to women, of heels. I still don't agree with her. Previously: Bitch Slapped review See also: Platinum X Pictures ¶ Wednesday, October 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Porn Star Karaoke vs. Predator
 People ask me why I still go to Porn Star Karaoke, now that the actual porn star quotient has been dropping. I was sitting next to mild-mannered fetish model Hollie Stevens last night. She pointed to a group sitting at a table across the room. "Those people over there aren't even in porn, are they?" she asked. "No," I said. "They keep looking over here trying to figure out who I am," she said. "How do you know they're not looking at me?" I asked (but it was clear they weren't looking at me, or if they were, they were wondering why Gram gets all the goddamn luck). It was a slow night, and I, too, was pondering why I don't spend Tuesday nights learning to play the bass or engineering my dominance of Mixed Martial Arts. Then a little person walked by.  Her name was Li'l Diva and she was dressed, I think, in purloined motel towels. She wore sunglasses and a big hat. The towels she used as a bra kept sliding down. "Are you the white man?" she asked me. "Yes," I said. "Though my soul is black." "You're not the guy," she said, and moved on. This is why I come to Porn Star Karaoke: the possibility of bipolar midgets. Hailey Young was there. She was dressed like a 40's USO volunteer who dances with lonely soldiers. She told me she was thinking of doing something that, if I were a lonely soldier in 1942, would have made me desert the Army just so I could watch. "You're kidding," I said. "Nope," she said. "I think it's time." I sang "Don't You Want Me" (she did - it was almost embarrassing) with Stevens, who also writes for the publication "Girls And Corpses". "If I don't hae sex in a while, I start humping the air," she said. "I am like the wind," I said.  Previously: Singing "War Pigs" at karaoke will not get you laid See also: Sardo's ¶ Wednesday, October 11, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Lighthouse 1, Hansen's Disease 0
 In John Carpenter's The Fog (1980), vengeance-seeking lepers converge on a lighthouse guarding Antonio Bay. Like you, my thoughts naturally travelled Fogward when I heard about last night's fire at Seymore Butts' Lighthouse Talent Agency.For, doesn't our involvement in pornography make social lepers of us all? I talked with Lighthouse agent Rory Zacher. "I stopped by at about 11 p.m. because we had to fax a test," he said. "I unlocked the door and the place was filled with smoke." Lighthouse is next door to Adult Industry Medical on Ventura Blvd., where the brunt of the HIV tests porn talent uses to clear them for work are administered. In order for the Lighthouse model to be cleared for work the next day, her test needed to be sent to Combat Zone, a company owned by Dion Giarusso. "The storage closet downstairs was in flames." Zacher said that the closet, a common area that was "not really used" by the tenants of the building, is directly underneath Lighthouse. Zacher called 911 and six Woodland Hills Fire Department vehicles showed up. "It smells like a campfire up here," Zacher said, "but there's no damage. "God really wanted us to save Lighthouse," he said, pointedly omitting Jesus Christ. The Fire Department set up fans and foamed the closet, then left. After this, Zacher faxed the talent's test to Combat Zone. "Porn goes on," Zacher said. Seymore Butts said, "I'm thankful to have such hard-working, dedicated employees, because had Rory not stopped in last night the building would've burned down." Previously: Peach bites back; Lori Lust conquers media, inbox; Butts taunts Fog See also: Lighthouse ¶ Wednesday, October 11, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Dave Naz loves L.A.
 Dave Naz, still photographer-turned porn director, had not seen a porn script prior to writing his new Vivid-Alt movie Skater Girl Fever."I'd e-mailed Eon McKai after seeing Kill Girl Kill and we formed a mutual admiration society," Naz said. In fact, McKai liked Naz' work so much that the Vivid-Alt honcho gave Naz a movie without first checking if Naz knew how to work a video camera.  "I spent some time on Winkytiki's movie (Rebelle Rousers) and Eon actually taught me some camera basics the day before we started shooting Skater Girl Fever," Naz said.This will probably infuriate some people, but that ire will probably be directed toward McKai instead ("My heart is too big for this businesss," McKai said). Naz has a sterling reputation among Valley talent, with his banner popping up on the sites of some of your favorite porn stars.  Naz does a lot of fetish work, regularly shooting for publications like "Tight", "Leg World", and "Panty Play". A Native Angeleno, Naz credits an early big break in the business to photographer/video director/Richard Kern. "People guard their jobs in Los Angeles," I said. "Richard was very generous with his time," Naz said. "He didn't have to be. I got one of my first big jobs after assisting Richard on one of his, and I asked him if that was OK. People are sometimes gatekeepers, it's true, but he wasn't. "In fact, a lot of people wouldn't be working if it weren't for him." A great deal of fetish photography is about two people in the room, the model and the photographer. The easy poses and comfortable atmosphere apparent in his stills indicate a rapport with his subjects that makes Naz a sought-after photographer.  "Like a lot of other people, I started out doing content trades (the photographer gets pictures of the model and the model gets a set of pictures)," Naz said. "(But) I've gotten to the point that setting up a shoot is much easier," he said. "There aren't too many variables beyond the model herself. It's actually a lot harder shooting movies." I asked Naz if, after Skater Girl Fever, he would continue shooting movies. "(Shooting SGF) was fun, but if I continued, I wouldn't be one of those guys shooting four movies a month," he said.  Naz' work seems informed by collaboration, and he has travelled with a photographers' collective that also includes Carlos Batts. SGF takes the fetishy nature of most of the current Alt canon (a detour into Pinup land is Winkytiki's "The ReBelle Rousers") to an extreme. The movie is like a collection of moving versions of Naz stills (a review of the movie will appear here tomorrow). Naz has put together several collections of photographs, all published by Goliath and all representative of his day gigs. "Lust Circus" (2002), "Panties" (2003), "Legs" (2004), and "Fresh" (2006), feature a lot of models he shot for similarly-themed magazines, most of whom are familiar to video porn audiences. Not being an L.A. native, I'm often guilty of being surprised when someone not only says they grew up here but that they love it here. My experience has been that it's either one or the other, with few exceptions. "All my books say 'L.A.'," Naz said. "I love it here, and I've been everywhere" (he co-founded pop-punk band Chemical People in the late '80's and toured the U.S. and Europe intermittently for several years). "So the idea of a Skater Girl movie definitely reflected what I knew, or what I saw," he said. "Can you skate?" I asked. "No. I'm a huge klutz. Only Nadia Styles could actually skate in the movie." Previously: At home with April Flores and Carlos Batts; Skater Bloody Skater; ReBelle Rousers and their genomes See also: Dave Naz Photography (all photos: Dave Naz and used by permission except Dave Naz with Ashley Blue: GP) ¶ Tuesday, October 10, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
More Geisha news
 As you know, GramPonante.com is the Godzilla of all Geisha-related websites, striving to bring you the most up-to-date listings of Geisha activity.Here is a line from Roy Karch's movie for SexZ Pictures, Memoirs of Mika Tan: "Ah, the ancient tradition of the Geisha. Yes. So very mysterious. So very misunderstood. So very {unintelligible}. When in reality, it is really just the same old/same old."  Here is the description from Jennifer James' movie for VCA, Memoirs of a Modern Day Geisha. Only read it once. If you read it twice you will have to mail your diploma back. If you read it three times your head will explode:"Virginity, innocence, and purity are corrupted by money, greed and sinister sexual desires! Bound by tradition and surrounded by forbidden lust, Suri (Kaiya Lynn) has learned what it takes to drive a man wild and make him shoot his hot load."  Finally, FYA Independent brings us The Education of a Geisha, which offers "Lots of swallowing-the-load action and bang-the-pussy drilling with a slant on the lesbo side."  Who are they calling "slant"?If you are a Geisha, or if you have made a Geisha film, please do not hesitate to contact me so that your voice might be added to this rich cultural tapestry. Previously: Ravenous review (more Geishas!); Will there be another Temptation Awards? ¶ Tuesday, October 10, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, October 09, 2006
Archaeological porn
 Here at Gram Ponante Towers, Aviary, Buffet, and MRI Depot we take somber delight in watching old sitcoms and, when the pet walks into frame, saying, "Tiger is probably dead now."It is not the same for nudes. For example, when this image from Lasse Braun's My Porno Girls magazine arrived in the Inbox, we said, "This unidentified model is probably teaching a massage class at a community college." A Portland (OR)/Luxembourg-based company called Yurmag specializes in ancient skin mags like this one, many culled from cave drawings and sea scrolls. European companies like Color Climax, Rodox, Private, Pleasure, and Silwa are featured in their collection, including images of Tiny Tove, John Holmes, Anna Marek, Lisa Lipps, Brigitte Lahaie, Ebony Ayes, and Kristara Barrington. Yurmag has been online for three years. "We used to (attend) Movie Collectors Shows all over Europe and the U.S,." said Rick, Yurmag's owner. "This was really fun but Ebay killed those shows so we moved online." "How much porn do you have in your attic?" I asked. "Basically I'm not a crazy collector," he said. "(Though) of course I keep some for me, especially Seka and Lisa DeLeeuw." The company buys collections and is always interested in getting IDs on cover models, such as the one pictured (I'd like to know as well, just in case I want to be a massage therapist). Previously: Britney Rears fingers her wet pussy; Jenna: Dreams coming true at alarming rate; "It's our business." See also: Yurmag ¶ Monday, October 09, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Bienvenido a Valle de Porn, Casey Parker
 As the Mayor of Porn Valley (in that way I am like Vaclav Havel), I am often asked to ceremonially greet new arrivals.Thus I brought Shane's World contract performer Casey Parker to the Lamplighter restaurant at the corner of Nordhoff and De Soto in Chatsworth. "AVN is right over there, Hustler has its studios down there, Adam & Eve just moved in over there, and I think XBiz just bought this Michoacan stand over here and the train tracks," I pointed out. "Red Light is down the street, Pureplay is just a little bit farther, Jim Holliday died over there, Topco is right there, JM is right around the corner..." Parker nodded solemnly. "To what do you attribute this unprecedented access I have to your person?" I asked. "Your good genes?" Parker did not reply. Parker is currently attending a local college and is reading Gabriel Garcia Marquez' "Macondo" in its original Colombian-flavored Spanish in her spare time.  "I get a lot of comments," she said. "The other night I stopped by the gas station after the gym to get a pack of smokes - " "Those stunt your growth," I noted. " - and there was a group of guys going 'Mira la guera'. I stopped and said, 'Se lo que estas diciendo' and then they looked all shy." Parker knows Spanish from surfing Central America, as there are few surfing spots in her native Colorado. Parker's first movie for Shane's World, Casey Parker: The Girl Next Door, arrives this week. Parker seems like a delghtful human being, and I took all the pictures I wanted. I'll post a gallery later in the week. Previously: Open bar at the Van Halen place; Shopping with Generation X, Y; Night of the Stars recognizes freedom, snacks See also: Shane's World ¶ Monday, October 09, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
How's It goin'?
 Thanks for asking, my friends, but it appears to be goin' down.I don't know what It is, and I don't know how long It has been traveling south. If It has a specific destination in mind or if It is planning to meet someone when It finally arrives at Down, I'm not sure. Like you, I suffer from a serious lack of information about It. If this It is anything like Stephen King's "It", we're all going to forget about It pretty soon after we have sex with Beverly. Let's hope the title of this movie isn't a response to the question "How's your erection?" or "Do you think my left breast is saggy?" Whatever It is, It is in stores now, right next to the film version of the Bhagavad-Gita, which appears to have used the same airbrush artist.  Previously: Speed dating with Crystal Wet; Report: Women counseled to stop looking at Gram...; Report: Race an issue in America ¶ Monday, October 09, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Way up firm and high on Cahuenga Blvd.
 In other Bob Seger news, Vivid wine sot Savanna Samson and "naturally outgoing" (as opposed to ..?) Brea Lynn are both featured in November's Penthouse magazine, covering about 20 pages of photos. For people interested in the thoughts of naked women, the photos are accompanied by text.Vivid's Tiffany Taylor will host the final Bike & Hot Rod Night with the Stars at Harper's Sports Bar in Northridge on October 11. By "host", it means she will be there. Why this is the final one I'm not sure. I assume it's because of the head wound. What I am sure of is that Tiffany really has a (former Vivid girl) Janine thing going. Previously: Vivid-steve launched; My Vivid visit; Is the feature dead? See also: Vivid ¶ Thursday, October 05, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Front page driving news
 Sunny Lane, Flower Tucci, and the feisty, staph-free Amber Peach will be working on their NightMoves this weekend in the greater Clearwater, FL area.The Florida adult industry, dubbed the Pornoglades, is Internet and stripper-specific, and the NightMoves show, sponsored by the pole-oriented magazine of the same name, has been drawing Exotic Dancers Who Are Porn Stars for 14 years. The festivities start tonight and will continue through Monday. The highlight of the event is Sunday's NightMoves awards show. I keep wanting to go to this event, which is a less corporate and more casual and raucous affair than most adult shindigs, but I'm wanted by NASA. Criticism of the event includes everything from last-minute celebrity cancellations to "they're cheap", but the pool party looks fun. See also: Nightmoves, The Tampa Show ¶ Thursday, October 05, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The TrustCash experiment
 Because I can't fix your car, re-shingle your house, or advise you on how to set up a not-for-profit corporation (except by accident), I can only make excellent drinks and give you porn and porn byproducts.Not that I'm John Steinbeck or anything, but I learned a great deal about the adult consumer in my travels this year. In Mexico, I found that Oaxacan beggars would rather you buy blankets and pieces of gum than engage them in conversations about gaping (or "La Gapadora", Annie Cruz). Further, their stores stack porn from several years ago on videotape, and they rarely look for it on the Internet. In Texas they like gonzo stuff, except in little pockets of the state, where they watch swinger videos. In the Puritan Northeast the need for filth is unbelievable. "I like the edgiah stuff," someone told me. "Like Max Hardcore and Rob Black and JM?" I asked. "That Max Harhdcaw kid is too tame," he said. "In fact, you can't print what I wanna see." (Hint: it involved state troopers.) They also wish their favorite strippers would appear in more movies. "Tyler Faith eats Ponante Flakes for breakfast," I noted.  "Pride a Sawgiss, kid." I am grateful to now and then remove myself from Los Angeles County so I can interact with the people for whom "ATM", "creampies", and "Jenna Jameson" really mean something. Anyway, on vacation I was in possession of several TrustCash cards, formerly known as PPPCards, which allow the bearer to anonymously login to several websites, including ClubJenna, Evil Angel, Shane's World, and the online dating site IWantU, to surf and download content. I need to be reminded that, for most of the world, watching porn on the Internet is a treat, and that it is often frowned upon by other members of the household or workplace. The TrustCash card, which comes in several denominations, doesn't require the user to enter any personal information, which would defeat its purpose. "This card represents gallons of sperm," the guy sitting next to me on a plane said. "I'll have them put that on a t-shirt," I promised. Users of the card still need to be careful, however. Though there are several levels of encryption involved in the TrustCash process, it would still be possible for a network administrator to track a machine ID or an IP address at work and/or, if a surfer is careless, to simply check browser history. Everyone I talked with is used to the clandestine nature of porn surfing, and were often frustrated when "free" or "anonymous" sites would suddenly require personal data. "Now no one knows my name is Dave," said my friend David John Ciriello. Previously: Goin' back to Calli; PPPCard feels your shame See also: TrustCash ¶ Wednesday, October 04, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Trend: Gays smarter
 Two new gay compilations from Hustler imprint HIS DVD reveal something I've suspected every time I see a gay man dancing in a club surrounded by women who are grinding on him: Gay men are smarter.Both Alley of the Balls and Naked Munch contain scenes from as far back as a decade ago, gathered into two tidy comps. That both of these titles could have been used for straight movies reveals that perhaps the generally better educated and wealthier gay population is more likely to get the literary reference. Selling literate porn to straight people is never a good idea. How many copies did my War And Piece of Ass move? Zilch. Ditto On the Load. Don't even remind me about Godel Escher Cock. Previously: The Devil Inside; "I hit it with my car."; Hung & Hairy ¶ Wednesday, October 04, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
"I'm your secretary."
 Throughout history, women have been able to hide their beauty with nothing but glasses and by keeping their hair up.Not only does this fool the men they crave but it also fools themselves. How many times does the bespectacled woman's sassy girlfriend require a montage sequence to 1. remove the glasses and 2. remove the single pin holding the hair back to reveal a hot babe? It happened, like, six times in the Bible. Anyway, Smash Pictures is releasing its movie Secretary's Day with the following press release: Do you ever walk into your office in the morning and notice that your secretary looks really gorgeous even with her hair pulled back and with those thick glasses hanging on her nose?Getting into the mind of the porn consumer is what people like PR Guy Jeff Mullen strive for. In this press release he addresses the fantasy that behind every available but frumpy girl (thus making her accessible to you but boosting your self esteem because you can reject her based on her frumpitude) is an available sex badger that only you can discover. Then, all you have to do to hide her from your greedy friends is to put her glasses back on. Further, Mullen empowers the consumer base by suggesting that it get a pair and bend its office staff over the neglected IBM Selectric table. You know they're not wearing panties. The press release reveals an America chock full of women who need to be freed from repression by their wise bosses. Mullen also hints that the typing pool should not deny you your right. Smash Pictures knows that office rape can be problematic, but it's not rape if your boss deserves to lift up your skirt and bang your juice box.. Secretary's Day stars Lindsay Meadows, Tory Lane, Alektra Blue, Samantha Sin, and Jordana James. View a trailer here. Previously: Six in Me See also: Smash ¶ Wednesday, October 04, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Unlucky in love? Try more people
 D&D geektress-turned-polyamorous freakout hostess Darklady is again throwing her Sacred & Profane Polyween at her digs in Portland.The event on October 28 will feature rituals, psychic readings ("You are not wearing underpants"), a photo booth, an "intimate Rubitorium" and kinky (is there any other kind?) SM playspace, a costume contest, massage table, and casting couch exhibitionism. Like all of Darklady's events, even when she has the guy come to install vinyl siding, there will be a potluck dinner. Everyone from paunchy gray-haired sybarites to doe-eyed suicide ideators will cavort in the slug-strewn grass. Admission is $25 for people without costumes, and less depending on how groovy you are. For more information, click below. Previously: Oregon debauchery See also: Darklady ¶ Tuesday, October 03, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Booty milestone
 Nation of Islam leader the Rev. Louis Farrakhan marked today's release of Hustler's Ghetto Booty 25 with solemnity and a simple breakfast."If anyone's from the Mothership, it's Pinky," he most assuredly did not say, not adding, "We need to tap that pink-ass booty by any means necessary." Black leaders worldwide are quietly celebrating this event, which parallels festivities launched by white groups when Barely Legal 60 came out. "This is a great day for the whites," Thomas Jefferson said posthumously at the time. Ghetto Booty 25 also stars Sunshine, Mina Scarlett, Oasis Starlight, and Camrie Foxxx. That's right, "Camrie Foxxx". Previously: Porn Valley font panic; Meet Honey Dip; Report: Race an issue in America ¶ Tuesday, October 03, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Monday, October 02, 2006
America's love of pirates
 Big Dig Dave is a friend of mine from a densely-populated east coast Commonwealth. He builds tunnels and stands far away from them when they occasionally collapse.I'd sent him my screener copy of Pirates when I was done reviewing it, and he called me today with some new information. "I rented the softcore version of Pirates at Hollywood Video," He said. "Why did you do that?" I asked. "I sent you the fully-loaded one." "Yeah, but I wanted to see what it looked like edited." "That's insane." "Yeah, well." "You're dumb." "Yeah, well. Anyway, it sucked." "The softcore version?" "Yeah. Just when you thought something was going to happen, it didn't," he said. "That's what a softcore version is all about," I said, trying to rap my mind around renting porn. "I guess." I'd received a press release about Pirates this very day. "The director said that the R-rated version has become a commercial for the X-rated version," I noted. "I am probably the only person who saw the X-rated version who rented the R-rated version." "You're such an idiot," I said. "Yeah," he said. "So why did you go to Hollywood Video rather than Videosmith?" I asked. "Videosmith is right down the street, so I like to get in my car and drive to Hollywood Video. It's because I'm an environmentalist." "Any other reason?" "My mother goes to Videosmith," he said. Big Dig Dave is 37. I read him part of the press release, detailing in part Digital Playground's description of the Pirates phenomenon. "Do you attribute the popularity of this movie to 'a really great cast and the fact that Pirates is an epic movie...as well as people's love for pirates'?" "Do people in California really have a love for pirates?" he asked me. "I don't know what they're talking about half the time either," I said. Previously: Pirates to receive G rating; Pirates, Darwin share Newsweek See also: Digital Playground ¶ Monday, October 02, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Lux redux
 To my knowledge, I have never done a porn scene before (though I inspire them daily).Still, I was surprised to see that the first two porn scenes of Lux Kassidy's life (as captured in Vivid's new Lux's Life) were not accompanied by any soul searching, tears, frantic calls to a priest or Samaritans hotline, ex-boyfriends, or the Navy. The Girls-Only Lux takes (and is taken by) Samantha Ryan and Chloe Dior in stride, and when Ryan turns her attention to Kurt Lockwood, Lux tactfully leaves the room. Maybe she cried then? Though I remember her best when she was kicking Skid Row junkies out of her garbage cans, the world will now know her for reciting the lines "I like food; I like the way it tastes." Read a review here. Previously: Fiat Lux Kassidy See also: Vivid Labels: kurt lockwood ¶ Monday, October 02, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Squirtquest
 In the best situations, squirt need not be tracked down; squirt finds you.PinkVisual's SquirtHunter 3 features Lexi Love and Annie Body as well as a director that just won't stop talking. I'd suggest turning the sound down but then you wouldn't be able to hear what Annie Body has to say. It's a dilemma. Maybe you could selectively turn your hearing off, like I do when people tell me about affiliate programs. Read a review here. Previously: Speed dating with Angela Stone; Squirting and terrorism See also: PinkVisual ¶ Monday, October 02, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Open bar at the Van Halen place
 Prior to Saturday night, the last time I stood in the parking lot of L.A. Valley Community College was to conduct a transaction of dubious (well, not dubious - let's just say No) legality during the Gary Cherone era of Van Halen.Fast forward a few years to this past weekend, when I and about 400 other people waited for a series of 14-passenger buses ("We have five," one of the van drivers said at the beginning of the night, looking worried) to cart us south, up an adjacent canyon, to Eddie Van Halen's house. The occasion was the Sacred Sin "Gathering", a release party for Michael Ninn's new movie, featuring music by Mr. Van Halen himself. While there was no word that EVH would actually be playing, it had been announced that Billy Idol would be. Already the event was shaping up to be exponentially more celebrity-fraught than other industry parties, in which one feels embarrassed for slumming VH-1 personalities trying to score porn girls on AFTRA day rates. There had been a rumor that the party would be at Van Halen's studio in Burbank, so I was surprised when my van crossed Ventura and climbed the hill. We stopped at a gate where a tuxedo'd guard waited. He peeked into the van and asked if it was "all dudes". The driver said No, and the tuxedo guy said, "I wouldn't let you in if there wasn't no ladies in there." Every producer's assistant, every security guard, every wannabe-something-else in Hollywood and Porn Valley are squeezed from the same tube ("Just shut up and open the gate," someone behind me said). Like a "Get Smart" episode, we passed through several gates, then we stopped in front of a stairway festooned with candles and four-foot flower vases leading up to a palatial home. "What a goddamn dump," I said, weeping softly. Inside, in an anteroom in which back east visitors would place their galoshes and hang up their whale boat slickers, was a vodka bar. It turns out that this bar was the first of many throughout the compound, each based on a different alcoholic theme. If the bar system was the Stations of the Cross, the vodka bar would have been Jesus Falls for the First Time. I bellied up. "Give me a Women of Jerusalem Wipe the Messiah's Face and a Red Bull." "Right away sir." I became drunk almost immediately and stayed that way until the firemen came. It must have been the altitude. Across from the bar was an artfully-lit room with a grand piano. At the piano was a lithe woman with a delicate strand of hair hanging in front of her face. She was not necessarily a good piano player. It sounded like what she was playing were synthesizer chords from later Van Halen albums. Above her, hanging from the ceiling by ropes, twirled a fetish aerialist. In other words, if the substance was lacking, the surface looked great. Will I watch Sacred Sin with the sound turned down? It's a safe bet. The party was held in one massive wing of a massive house. The billiard room was filled with huge chairs into which people sank, and sank, and sank. I saw newly-minted XBiz publisher Tom Hymes sitting in one of them. "Don't let anyone get a picture of you in this chair," I said. "It will look like Mike Dukakis in the tank." (I was drunk.) Outside was a large lawn and a stage. "Yay Lawn, Yay Stage," I said, and went to the tequila bar.  My recent unpleasantness with Shane's World about not being allowed to bring a camera to their party was replicated here. I'd thought of taking a thin camera I could fit in my pocket but I had pangs of conscience. I reasoned that I don't often get to go to parties at Eddie Van Halen's house at which Billy Idol is playing, so I tried to blend in. Besides, if I didn't have a camera, I would be able to hold more drinks. Representatives of Porn's four main families were there, which I found astonishing. You don't often see them in the same room. I thought of the circling knife fight broken up by Michael Jackson in "Beat It" (guitar solo: Eddie Van Halen). (I was drunk.) A band called The Starfuckers took the stage. I had a margarita in one hand and a mojito in the other. They opened with Wings' "Jet". "This is the best porn party I have ever attended," I said to some woman, who squeezed my balls in agreement. "That's not what I meant," I said, but what could I do with my hands full of drinks? The 'fuckers (we are now best friends) went on to play Badfinger's "No Matter What", Aerosmith's "Sweet Emotion" and Guns 'n' Roses' "Sweet Child O' Mine". They did not play "Black in Your Ass #9". A beautiful blonde woman in a red dress walked up to me. It would be unethical to write her porn name, because she said: "Did you know my real name is Jamie and that I was named for the Van Halen song 'Jamie's Crying'?" This sounded like a real dilemma. "Even though your parents named you for a Van Halen song, is the fact that you're at a porn party at Eddie Van Heln's house something you could tell them?" I asked. "I told my mother I was coming, but she doesn't know it's a porn party," the once and future Jamie said. "Neither does mine," I replied. "And I was named for Bad Bad Leroy Brown." Back inside, I was admiring an original Ludwig bass drum head signed by the two surviving Beatles when the owner of the house walked by. He was wearing taped up sneakers, an open shirt, and was carrying his 5150 guitar. He has completely stolen my look. When he got on stage I was both happy and sad. I thought: "I will never go to a party better than this one in this business." "A certain singer who will remain nameless didn't show up tonight," Eddie Van Halen said of Billy Idol, adding, "I've never missed a gig in my life." He then proceeded to crash through a set with the Starfuckers that included "Mean Street" and Van Halen's version of "You Really Got Me." People were transformed with joy. Everyone who was not court-ordered sober or working was pretty drunk. Without exception. That every porn consumer in the United States has one or more Van Halen records in his/her collection or at the very least knows that strippers are required to have one song from "Women And Children First" in their repertoire is something you can't say about other porn interlopers like Snoop Dogg or Digital Underground. It wasn't a stretch to see why Van Halen would collaborate with Michael Ninn. Ninn's work is visually arresting and takes aim at themes other porn directors don't touch. It is porn for people who are perhaps tired of the old in-out and have higher expectations. How many aging rock stars have art collections? All of them. It is when lofty aims are detached from the visceral nature of what porn is that makes Ninn's work so disappointing sometimes, and the result often seems pretentious. But he tries. I am not the first person who has said that this industry should not forget it is based on women who make men (and other women) jerk off. So when models wearing plumage and walking on stilts came out, I retired to the racquetball court. The racquetball court had been converted for the evening to an art gallery. Photographer Jeffery Scott was exhibiting several pieces, all of which were stunning. If someone had said to me five years ago, "You will one day drink a mojito while touring an erotic art exhibit in Eddie Van Halen's converted racquetball court," I would have asked what a mojito was (I first had one last year). As I made the circuit of the room, though, the disappointing, purpose-defeating almost-thereness of the porn world began to assert itself again. Here were these beautiful, thoughtful photographs, but as I bent down to look at the title, description, and price I noticed that that information was printed on deliberately-crumpled pieces of paper. "How do we make an artistic statement on the piece of paper the price is printed on?" someone might have asked. "Crumple the paper!" I imagined the poor assistants having a crumpling party before the exhibit opened. The connection? If you make porn, people still have to be able to jerk off to it. If you want to sell your art, make the price tag legible. I flattened one piece of paper and bought something regardless. By that time I had drunk about $2,000 worth of free alcohol and had seen Eddie Van Halen play ten feet away from me; it was the least I could do. Newly-blonde Penthouse Pet-turned-Ninn model Heather Vandeven saw me in the gallery. Her consort was nattily dressed. I explained that the last two leather ensembles I owned had been stolen by a drag queen in Chelsea. He said he would give me the name of his tailor. I never had conversations like that while living in Bogue Chitto. Outside, Lynn LeMay was angry with me. "I'm mad at you, Pomegranate," she said. "You should only write nice things about Lynn LeMay," her escort told me. "What did I write about you that made you mad?" I asked. I have this conversation ten times a day. "You wrote something about how my movie will attempt to do for me what Jackie Brown did for Pam Grier," she said. "Well won't it?" I asked, explaining that if someone wrote "You suck off baboons at the zoo", it would still sell movies. "No one knows who Pam Grier is," she said. I wasn't about to conduct a poll. "Would you rather I compare you to John Travolta in Pulp Fiction? Isn't your movie called Phoenix: Risen from the Ashes? Isn't it about a comeback?" Lynn LeMay stalked away. Vandeven took the stage at 1 a.m. and gracefully kicked people out. Eddie Van Halen sat at the piano for awhile and a small crowd gathered with camera phones (including me). He started and stopped playing several times. Later he appeared on the balcony with Evan Stone. Things were becoming bizarre (I was drunk). There were limos for the financial backers of the party. The rest of us waited for shuttle vans like we deserved. In the narrow driveway one van rolled into a wall while turning around. People surged forward as each van made its way up to the house. It was like Saigon 1975. A fire engine showed up then, I'm not sure why. There wasn't a fire. But the remaining crowd realized that no shuttle van was going to be able to get around the engine, so we walked down to the street. I pushed past people to get on the van, as people had done to me before. I was not proud of this. "Violence begets violence," I said. "They say a gun is real easy/In this desperate part of town/Turns you from hunted into hunter/Gonna hunt somebody down." Somebody said: "Fair Warning." "Shuttup," I said. Back in the LAVCC parking lot the van was met by police. There is only a slight chance that I would have melted a breathalyzer like it was the Hiroshima to my A-bomb. I took out my pad, my pen, and my phone and got out of the truck. "Really? Well I'll be covering it for Car & Driver," I said to the silence on the other end of the phone. I got in my car and drove home (...). Previously: Open bar at the Rears place; Wicked good hors d'ouevres See also: NinnWorx, Van Halen picture of Casey Parker and Eddie Van Halen: Tommy Gunn picture of EVH with XBiz president Alec Helmy: XXXJay ¶ Monday, October 02, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
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