 |
"(Porn Valley Observed is) the smartest and funniest coverage of the adult industry you will read." - About.com |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Greetings from Texas
 While I am not visiting Texas with native daughter Jesse Jane, I do notice that the six flags are all flying at full staff in her honor.And did you know that the state capital was named after the Six Million Dollar Man? And that "El BJ" is not a style of Mexican fellatio? And that it's too hot to think of anything funny? Previously: Texas' Asshole Massacre ¶ Thursday, August 31, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post  
Rate your shame with XPeeps
 Don't get me wrong; I'm right on board with the pornification of America. But just as I wouldn't let an unlicensed tattoo artist perform a clitoridectomy on me, the amateur hour known as the XPeeps Wet T-Shirt Contest is remarkable for the number of sullen meth champions uploading their videos of hosing themselves down in their FEMA trailer showers.This is the lady I'd vote for, if for nothing else because she didn't immediately begin apologizing to the camera and saying "kill me now." The winner will receive lots of pornography. Previously: How we can kill MySpace See also: XPeeps Wet T-Shirt Contest ¶ Thursday, August 31, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
O: The Humanity
 Carmen Luvana stars in Ernest Greene's O: The Power of Submission about men and ladies who do these things because they love each other very much.The 1954 book "Histoire d'O" by Pauline Reage was a sensation in France and was published in English in 1965. It exists in a few film versions, most notably one with Udo Kier, and another, a tribute short by Lars von Trier. von Trier later used Kier in The Kingdom and Breaking the Waves. Greene says he updated the story to modern-day Los Angeles and tried to stay faithful to the book, which was written on a dare by the author to her married lover. This pretty bondage picture also features a walk-on by Nina Hartley, who gets some whip-time in, as well as Justine Joli. Will this really be a faithful adaptation? Probably not, but I saw some of the pictures and they look great. In addition, the book has not gone out of print in 50 years. Previously: BDSMarionettes; Squirt and Ernie See also: Adam & Eve ¶ Wednesday, August 30, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
The wrong business to be in
 I'd mentioned to a colleague that I'd only once met Jon Dough, who was found dead this weekend after allegedly committing suicide (the Coroner's report is not yet in). He had loaned his motorcycle to the production of VCA's Car Wash Angels."Well don't make him out to be a saint just yet," the colleague said. Yet another, when asked for a photo of Dough, snarked, "It's a sad day for America." I'm reminded that Asia Carrera's husband wasn't dead a day before Internet wags started talking about her supposed gambling addiction. I am currently in Austin, TX (where they execute the retarded). If I happen to die in a pedal steel guitar accident, I sure hope that my death will get at least two days' head start on the jokes. Dough leaves behind a wife, Monique DeMoan, and a four-year-old daughter. ¶ Tuesday, August 29, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Rest in Peace, Jon Dough
 There had never been a male contract performer before Jon Dough, who originated that position with Vivid and appeared in movies spanning porn's late "golden age" to its gonzo phase.Dough, who died on Sunday of an apparent suicide, had appeared in over a thousand porn films and directed almost a hundred. He will be remembered, as any male performer would who has had steady work from the mid-80's, as solid. He leaves behind a wife and four-year-old daughter. The former Chet Anuszek was born in Pennsylvania in 1962. Upon moving to Los Angeles, he tried breaking into soap operas, but a photo shoot at Hustler quickly resulted in steady work in the adult industry. Dough maintained his longevity in the business due to his dependability as a performer. He was known for his lack of "bad days." He was married twice, the first time to the Dutch performer Deirdre Holland and since 1994 to the performer Monique DeMoan. It was DeMoan who discovered the body and who said Dough, the father of her daughter, had taken his own life. Industry rumor is that the method was pills. The full story will no doubt emerge over the next few days, but interviews in the AVN.com article announcing Dough's death hint at a depression that built as DVD sales dropped and work became harder to find. Friends Randy Spears, who joined the adult business around the same time, and Ron Jeremy, said that Dough was a good man who often needed to be talked out of low moods. See also: Jon Dough's IAFD listing Labels: jon dough, monique demoan, obituaries, randy spears, ron jeremy, vivid ¶ Tuesday, August 29, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 28, 2006
Report: Women counseled to stop looking at Gram while fellating others
 Leah Lexington is making her scene partner jealous and hurt.Don't think I don't know the effect I have on people, but I don't want to rub it in anyone's face (well, it depends on what the "it" is), either. So when I see thousands of women a year wantonly staring at me when they should be servicing someone else I feel sorry. It has ceased to be a feather in my cap. To make it worse, I don't wear a cap. The latest infraction is Mercenary's blowjob opus (or "blopus") Ironhead 8. You'd think that with two "sorry" boxes required to cover that which is in her mouth Lexington would have something else to look at but me, but old habits die hard. Joining Lexington in her disregard for the vanity of her male costars are Pinky, Beauty, Bailey Monroe, Nefertiti Dior, Veronica Stone, Leah Lexington, Victoria Sweet, Cheyenne Hunter, Felony, and Tanya Hardin. Previously: The Second Lex, Erecta Obscura See also: Mercenary Pictures ¶ Monday, August 28, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Flower Tucci - just because
 You know who's a swell person? That Flower Tucci. Always a kind word, always a pleasure to see. And she squirts! But it's not like she puts that or all her numerous random skills on a business card; she's old school.If you know Flower, drop her a line today. ¶ Monday, August 28, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Dreams really do come true for AdultDVDtalk
 So many of those "Win a Date with a Porn Star" contests go south (literally - the "porn star" usually turns out to be Mike South) that it was heartwarming to see that Lethal Hardcore came through on its "Win A Date with Sunny Lane" contest.The winner, it turns out, was adult message board contributor Jon from Arizona, pictured here outside the place the two went to see Ted Nugent. Gary "Cars" Numan was also performing. Why did Lethal Hardcore owner Stoney Curtis choose the Motor City Madman instead? "'When in doubt/I whip it out' is more appealing than 'Here in my car/I can lock all my doors' to Lethal Hardcore's aggressive, take-charge audience," said spokesmodel Wayne Hentai. "And might Jon's involvement as a reviewer in the online adult community have had anything to do with his winning the date?" I asked, probing. "No," Hentai replied, "Stoney didn't know." Jon woke up at dawn's crack on February 22 to write the following Lane-snagging essay: Love is probably the wrong word...lust fits in nicely. Like too. But one thing I love about Sunny is her passion with which she shoots a scene. I never feel like she\'s \"faking\" it. The smile and enthusiasm she brings to porn are both very appreciated by me and I hope she\'s around for quite a while.I find this essay suspect, because it closely resembles the following "My Hero" essay young Gramito Ponante wrote in third grade: Michael Jordan\'s contributions to athletics are very much appreciated by me. The smile and enthusiasm he brings to the NBA are also very much appreciated (by me). I hope \"Air Jordan\" is around for quite a while.I never did date Michael Jordan, much less Gary Numan. Previously: The Playboy Mansion in a nutshell; Pegging the man-flower; Tyler Faith to make one thing clear; I will call him "George" See also: Lethal Hardcore, AdultDVDTalk, Sunny Lane ¶ Monday, August 28, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 25, 2006
Paola Rey unmasks website owner
 Like many people in the adult world, tasty Brazilian Paola Rey has been the victim of porn's version of identity theft; her domain name was swiped before she thought to claim it herself. While this happens more frequently on the hated MySpace, at least in that forum it's fairly easy to take a site down.Everyone from Lynn LeMay to Lexington Steele to, well, just about every porn star you know has had his/her brush with uprooting a squatter. Rey hired an attorney and a private detective, she wrote in The Erotic Review, to track down the squatter on ClubPaolaRey.com, and it turns out to be Keith O'Connor, dismissed principal of Defiance Pictures. She writes: After hiring a lawyer and a private dectective, we found out that Keith O'Connor is the person behind the ClubPaolaRey.com and other illegal sites. The company he worked for, Defiance Films, has fired him and responded to our lawyer's (Edward Hayes) inquiry about the site and they informed us that Keith had been using unauthorized material. He also had lied to them saying that all of the porn stars he had sites for were sharing in the revenue.I cannot comment on these events other than to say that, without fail, every article I ghostwrite for adult trade publications involves parties that are wanted by the law. Previously: A post with the word "squat" in it ; Paola Rey's Central Station See also: The Erotic Review ¶ Friday, August 25, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Snakes on an Ane
It had to be said. I need to protect the trademark phrase of the 21st century.
Thanks to Alison of Gamelink for the link. See also: PornoTube ¶ Friday, August 25, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Shane's World keeps Penny Flame off the street
 Shane's World, which has made a name for itself by invading colleges and en-sexing them, announced that it is extending the directing contract of Penny Flame.While many porn personalities have neither graduated from college nor attended one, many college graduates can't even get a job at Burger King. The best business class one could ever take is from a porn star negotiating her rate. That is why Shane's World provides both a great service and the means to undermine the nation's institutions of higher learning. If college kids are behaving like porn stars, and porn stars have, in general, an acute nose for business, shouldn't everyone be in porn? (I'm just feeling bad because my alumni magazine won't put me on the cover with Jesse Jane.) Previously: It's so goddamn hot, and yet; Mia and Ava Rose in Double Trouble; Gay for Double A See also: Shane's World ¶ Friday, August 25, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Ultimate Surrender
 So I'm talking a lot about Dana DeArmond lately. What's the problem with that? She owes me money.Anyway, Ms. DeArmond is involved with Ultimate Surrender, a female Greco-Roman wrestling site (albeit with dildos and a lack of cauliflower ears) belonging to the Kink.com family of Frisco-based filthiness that also includes WiredPussy and FuckingMachines. Among the participants are Brooke Bound and Lola (pictured), DeArmond, Mika Tan, Annie Cruz, Justine Joli, and Satine Phoenix. The picture gives me shivers. At no point do the grapplers pour oil on themselves or put their fingers in their mouths. Previously: It's all over when I go out drinking; Lexi Bardot twice; Evil on the Wane, Kane; JM attempts to make wrestling heterosexual; Suddenly suplexing Seka See also: Ultimate Surrender Labels: satine phoenix ¶ Friday, August 25, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Dana DeArmond helps topple MySpace
 I have recruited corn-fed Dana DeArmond in my quest to kill MySpace."You said that my MySpace friends weren't my real friends," she complained. "That's not true," I replied. "I said that your MySpace friends were far more likely to actually be your friends than mine were." She was over at Gram Ponante Towers, Helipad, Aviary, and Bleaching Pond and we had just finished playing Battleship in the tub. "I mean, seriously," I said. "Look at this guy. Do you think he's really my friend? He just showed up one day." "Maybe?" she said. At that moment a reporter came by to ask her the correct spelling of her name. She complied, and then said: "You can check it on the Internet." Maybe DeArmond's sunny outlook is the reason the Internet has not been cruel to her like it has been to me. Can I ever love again? "You need to help me," I said. "I need to bring MySpace down from within. How do I do it?"  DeArmond has over 218,000 MySpace friends. I have 142."You need to post a picture of a girl as your profile," she said. "Not my own face?" I asked. "No, a girl." "What about me with a girl?" "JUST A GIRL." "Fine." "OK then." "Good." "What else?" "What bands do you like?" she asked. "I really like Gordon Lightfoot."  She sighed. "I like Fugazi and Jawbreaker and Elvis Costello. You put up bands and people want to link to you.""I like those concerns as well," I said. Dana gets MySpace messages like, "Thanks for being you." I get messages like, "Can I smell your fingers?" I asked her how much time she spends on MySpace. "Hours," she said. "Seven? Eight?" "Sometimes." "A day?" "Yes." "What should I not do in trying to win MySpace friends and influence their adding me?" "Don't message people and ask 'What's up?" or "What are you doing?' The answer is 'I'm reading e-mail. What do you think I'm doing?' and then I hit Delete." Despite her Disney-dancing background, talk of poor MySpace etiquette caused a shadow to cross her face. "And don't send chain letters to people," she said. "Don't get on that whore train." "I don't know, Dana. It all seems like so much. I worry about Elvis Costello now that he's remarried. Might everything go south again?" "Just don't put Gordon Lightfoot," she said. Previously: How we can kill MySpace; Hookers, Reality, Suicide See also: Dana DeArmond's MySpace page ¶ Thursday, August 24, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Dwarf planet porn
 Like all members of the adult community, I am shocked and saddened that Pluto has been demoted to "dwarf planet" status.The current lineup, in order of average distance from the Sun, is Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. As Porn's Official Spokesman, then, I offer a few ways for adult personalities to remember the new planetary order should they be interviewed on Charlie Rose or Talk of the Nation: Science Friday.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Don't shit where you eat
 The 50 per cent rise in crime in West Porn Valley, detailed in an L.A. Times article about Pulp Fiction-style "takeover" robberies at restaurants, supposes that the same gang is responsible for 50 of the heists, one of which involved a fatality.At no time in the three-year spate of robberies, however, has the Lamplighter been hit. The four Lamplighter restaurants are the gathering places for Porn's notables, where deals are struck, and where dreams come true. "Lunch at the Lamplighter?" "Blow me." "If that's what it takes." I found it odd that porn's Algonquin had been spared all this time, until I thought that the perps are probably moonlighting from their jobs at affiliate programs. Previously: Your Virgil through the porn Inferno; One is the gooiest number See also: Takeover robberies ¶ Wednesday, August 23, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Skater Bloody Skater
 With DVD sales dwindling across the industry, now more than ever companies are vying for the elusive Satanist dollar."Useless prayers of lies/Behold Satan's rise," intoned Vivid-steve dark overlord Eon Azagthoth McKai as he greeted guests at Hollywood's Beauty Bar. The occasion was the release of Skater Girl Fever, featuring Devil's concubines Kimberly Kane and Charlotte Stokely. While it is well-known the adult business owes its allegiance equally to Satan and the Gambino family, never before has a company made such a naked attempt to ingratiate itself to the followers of Lucifer. "People who come with skate gear or who come dressed in Satanic regalia will get a free copy of Skater Girl Fever which, when played on a VCR, spells Satan Girl Fever of Eternal Torment," McKai said, drinking from a goblet of Suicide Girl blood.  Fittingly, newly-baptized ClubSatan director DCypher came dressed as himself and Gia Jordan showed up as Lucifer's Fishwife.Kimberly Kane demonically caused the dark-colored linoleum squares to alternate with the light ones. I asked her why I never saw her in the presence of partner Jack the Zipper.  "He doesn't come out much," she said, which is code for He is Cavorting in the Shadow World with Satan's Imps.I talked with Skater director Dave Naz and the infernal Ashley Blue. Blue and I had the following dialogue from the Roman Catholic Church's Rite of Exorcism:  Blue: Do you like martinis?PentaGram: Yes. Blue: Would you like a martini? PentaGram: Yes, but I will not have one. I'm not drinking. Blue: You've seen me, but I haven't seen you. PentaGram: Au contraire. I am PentaGram Ponante. We concluded with a reverse bukkake. Naz explained he had never read a porn script before writing his own. "Heretic!" I screamed. "I cast you out!" Vena Virago's consort Trevor, celebrating his 13th anniversary in Los Angeles, won the Anton Szandor LaVey lookalike contest.  So blasphemous were Charlotte Stokely and Malachi Ecks that their images could not appear on film. Stokely's visage in the Skater Girl Fever poster has driven viewers to gibbering madness."Vivid-steve is available to everyone," McKai explained. "Especially the damned. The kids really like Satan these days." The ground below the Beauty Bar was scheduled to open up at 11 p.m. so I headed out to carve eldritch symbols in my skin. On the way I encountered Michelle Aston, Dominatrix, who had done so already.  "Lick the jukebox!" I commanded.Outside, Alice Suicide read from a Necronomicon ringbinder as revelers writhed ritualistically on Cahuenga Blvd., spraying their spendings on the Karma Coffeehouse, which is owned jointly by Emerson College and the estate of Aleister Crowley.  "Won't you ride my white horse?" she wailed."Whatevs," I said. "Just don't ask me what Alt means." I asked McKai if the company's renewed commitment to Satanism had resulted in any other business deals. "We're giving Tom Cruise and Paula Wagner a wing over at Pulse," he said. "Our contracts are shorter than the Scientologists'." Previously: Bad Ass Girls' Club; Erotica L.A. in review; What Larry Flynt is up to; ReBelle Rousers on location See also: Vivid-steve ¶ Wednesday, August 23, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Trina Michaels for Industry
 Like the MX Missile being dubbed "The Peacemaker" by the Reagan Administration, I have always thought there was a lot of wishful thinking behind naming the Mordor-worthy slag heap south of Los Angeles the City of Industry.Regardless, one of my favorite people (but does she even know I exist?), Trina Michaels, will be performing down there Thursday through Saturday at the Spearmint Rhino. Since I have only photographed her and we haven't shared Merlot over a fresh-killed quail (red wine is inappropriate for game birds), it might be all projection that I think Michaels has a sadder-but-wiser, just-got-done-crying, leaving-my-boyfriend-for-Gram quality about her. "Actually, I'm quite happy-go-lucky," she might say, "and am leaving the adult industry - and indeed the City of Industry - to become a large-animal veterinarian." But I doubt it. Evil woman. Previously: Wet, Detailed & Nailed; Devinn spot-cleans the limo Labels: events, LOTR, strippers, WGL ¶ Tuesday, August 22, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
How we can kill MySpace
 As you know, MySpace is a blight and it's killing our fish and ducks. Every animated GIF-happy reprobate has a MySpace page and they spend hours changing their font color to the hue of their background images, adding public domain music they somehow feel describes them ("I load slowly"), posting bulletins about their rave nights, and advertising their blog entries about how they rawk and how kewl they are. It makes me sick. That is why I have created my own MySpace page, so that I might kill it. This same technique worked for Friendster and the DivX format; as soon as I adopted the technology, it began going downhill. I'm hoping to do the same for Plaxo, LinkedIn, and the Republican Party; I join, they fail. It is not lost on me that porn DVD sales are down since I began reviewing them. So help me, won't you? Request I add you as a friend, complain that you're not in my top 24, send me naked pictures. Our interest will kill it. XPeeps is next. Previously: Trend: MySpace more popular than porn; MySpace adds to suckiness See also: Gram's stupid MySpace page; Barbed Wire Kiss ¶ Tuesday, August 22, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Fever for the flavor of a skater, part II
 Vivid-steve's Skater Girl Fever (hint: the fever makes you stare blankly from your boxcover) will be celebrated with a bash at Cahuenga Blvd.'s Beauty Bar tonight at 8. Stars Charlotte Stokely and Kimberly Kane plan to attend, as does director Dave Naz.You are powerless to oppose the alt-slaught, so take time off from your solitary evening thumbing through Utne Reader at the newstand up the street and drop by; it won't kill you. Previously: Steve and the inevitable alt-porn backlash; Fever for the flavor of a skater; Rebelle Rousers and their genomes See also: Vivid-steve ¶ Tuesday, August 22, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
A conversation that didn't happen
 The following exchange did not transpire on the set of Hustler's Christmas in Memphis (the first Christmas-themed movie in Hustler's history, this reporter was told): Evan Stone: I implore you to read GramPonante.com Memphis Monroe: Fine! I will! Will you please stop choking me? Previously: The Da Vinci Load; Derby Day for Memphis Monroe See also: Hustler ¶ Tuesday, August 22, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Porn isn't real, part DCCLVII
 All I'm saying is that companies that allow their male employees to dress that way don't employ secretaries; they employ receptionists. Who answer the phone "Corporate Office" or "Video".I notice that it is the white guys in the picture who seem to be missing the point. The worshipful man on the floor looks like he's in for a rude awakening when the object of his adoration gets treated most roughly, and the guy to the left is redundantly clutching a piece of Victoria Sweet's bra. Previously: Skinny Bones; Felix Vicious: The things we put inside us See also: Vamp Pictures ¶ Tuesday, August 22, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Larry Flynt to VHS: "Die, Loser."
 Hustler has parted ways amicably with the VHS format, announcing last week that the fittingly-retro Britney Rears 3: Helical-Scan Gang Bang would be the last of the company's titles to be released on tape."I always thought VHS stood for Very Hot Sex," Flynt did not say, "but with my giant-killing capabilities I have re-dubbed it Virtually-Hobbled Sitting Duck." "What about that extra D?" I didn't ask, nowhere near him at the time. "D is for Douchebag," he continued. "Stop making shit up." Consumer VHS format was introduced by Sony in 1976. Adult's early adoption of VHS versus Beta not only drove sales but also helped to legitimize the format, and made dirty movies accessible to millions of people who would otherwise have had to rub shoulders in video stores with people who would later go on to hang out in chatrooms. Previously: Mercenary: "VHS is a joke." ¶ Sunday, August 20, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Return to the Valley of Gram
 Dear Gang (and when I say "Gang", I mean it in the fondest SoCal sense of the word, with prison time), In that working in this industry is a 24-hour vacation, it is hard to assess the value of an actual vacation. I'll only say that these guest bloggers did an outstanding job and kept me hugely entertained when I bothered to check on my own site. It was easy to point to all the differences between what I do for a living and what I did to get away from it for a few weeks, but when my little 18-year-old cousin showed up to a family reunion with a boob job she'd gotten as a graduation present, I knew it was safe to go home. Above is a rare photo of me with porn stars (I'm in the middle). It was taken with Sandee Westgate and Puma Swede at the Temptation Awards just a few weeks ago. That was a very heady time in the adult industry, marking possibly the highest evolution of this business, yet I look bloated and pale. That has all changed, as I am now svelte and tan. ¶ Saturday, August 19, 2006 4 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 18, 2006
I had to do this!
 Previously: See also: ¶ Friday, August 18, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Casual Fridays - Photo Frenzy
 Hailey and I fleeing the Paparazzi! Hey Gram fans!
¶
Friday, August 18, 2006
4 Comments
Links to this post
Ron Royster back to another Casual Friday here at Gram’s house of fun. As promised, today I have some of my personal pictures for your enjoyment, but first I have Kami Andrews and Mika Tan's 6 Weird Things. It was due last week, but arrived yesterday, which make it before the deadline if you are PST (Pornchick Standard Time). Mika Tan is a porn chick who is not only VERY intelligent, but is a wild ass dancer as well. Proof can be found on the opening and closing credits of Atomic Vixens. She is the hardest working performer that I've met in the industry and I'm amazed at how nice she is to everybody.  1. My grandmother told me that my mother was doing LSD and cocaine up until 4 months into her pregnancy, because she didn't know she was pregnant -- which would explain at a lot of things. %-P 2. There are photos of me dancing at 9 months. Apparently, I started walking early and used to break into a run when I started to lose balance. After the second concussion, I was required to wear a helmet. I stopped after my first couple beatings in the 1st grade. 3. At 7, my cousin Tammy and I were seeing who could spit out cherry pits the furthest. My cousin was winning so I decided to shove one in my nose to see if it would go farther. It sure did...farther UP, landing me in the emergency room. 4. My older sister and I used to play Army vs VC (our version of Cowboys and Indians) with my cousins and I would always end up as the Vietnamese POW. When I was 10, they once duct taped me and tossed me in the bushes and then forgot where they tossed me. I heard my dad calling, but couldn't answer with the gag in my mouth. I wiggled out of the dense brush behind my grandmother's ranch sometime after dinnertime. And so was the beginning of my DiD/BDSM training. HAHA! 5. My grandmother used to own three massage parlors. (Yes, those kind) I grew up around beautiful scantily-clad women all the time. I had my 4th birthday party at one of her parlors and a photo has a woman in the background wearing just bikini bottoms. 6. I was a volunteer at the animal shelter in high school as a community service requirement for the National Honor Society. I ended up taking home 9 cats and 6 dogs. In handling the animals, I developed a strange rash, which was diagnosed as sarcoptic mange. The doctor advised I bathe with a flea and tick shampoo, which worked. The dermatologist said humans aren't typically afflicted with mange! I know I can be a bitch, but I still am not sure how to take that... Kami Andrews is a porn star from Pittsburgh. She is a Pisces and has a distaste for people who send her penis pictures (I already TOLD you that I'm sorry, Darlin'.) But Gram swears I might get lucky with her if I have enough Barry White and PBR to wear her down with..  Goats are my favorite animal. I have always wanted a pet goat and to this day it's one of the few dreams I still have. I leave my Steelers Belly Button ring in when I dance in Cleveland. it makes me feel less guilty about liking Cleveland. I have a fetish for breath play I really really hate having my face touched. It's a deal breaker. The first 7 guys I fucked were named Mike. I will never spend more than 39.95 on a purse. I love taking picture so here's a few from my collection:  Where ever we went, trouble seemed to follow my crew members. From someone shooting at Buck in Las Vegas during AVN (complete with bullet hole in the rental SUV) to Chester who had women THROW themselves at/on him. This one was VELLY ANGLEE! Ever wonder what kind of luxury digs adult film directors live in? Back when I used to be allowed over to Eon's house (don't worry, he swears we are still friends) and before he became the king of everything, I was lucky enough to catch this shot. The purple stuff on the right is his beautiful girlfriend Alice's attempt at a home hair dye job run amuck. I have a great shot of their cat, but alas, his giblets are hanging out, and I think I could be arrested by the FBI for that. In fact I'm deleting it off my computer just in case..... AHHH, anyone who ever attended our Douche-less Karaoke shows would always be amazed when they stepped up to the bar for first time to be greeted with "Don't be bastard! Buy me drink and maybe we chubba-chubba later". I was lucky enough to catch her launching a scud on her co-worker who was pretty much, running for her life........... Is Gram smiling because:1) He's standing next to the prettiest girl in the world. 2) He's toasting her with a drink I BOUGHT HIM? 3) He just saved a bundle on his car insurance?  For whatever reason, I am obsessed with Jesse Jane's mouth. I would love to feed her some lentil soup. Speaking of mouths, Lexy Foxx said her tonsils itched. Maybe it's because she's sitting next to Ron Jeremy. Here is Lacie Heart. I don't remember even taking this picture, but later I became entranced by it. She was the inspiration for Atomic Vixens. I told her this when she showed up to shoot the movie and she calmly said "Great, but I'm not doing anal......." When I used to make movies for Adam & Eve, I went to Florida to make Pornocopia. I got to employ my pal, Lil' Diva from Atlanta. EVERYONE fell in love with her. While filming the Cupid scene, she accidentally launched an arrow into the middle of a populated area. With any luck, I plan on taking her to AVN next year to re-enact that. When I tried a dramatic recreation of this picture, Mika Tan put me into traction for the next 3 weeks. Sheesh, some guys have ALL the luck. Benny Profane shows me on how to negotiate the particulars out with large adult video companies If there is one thing my crew DOES know how to do, it's have a good time. Here they are accepting free drinks from the most beautiful girl in the world. Mofo (blue shirt) was one of the first people I met in the adult business (even though he wasn't really in it yet). We have hung out several times and he's never punched me. He did choke me into unconsciousness once, but he swears it was an accident.This concludes my Casual Friday's reports for now. Gram will be back next week so we'd better start cleaning up now. Previously:Casual Fridays part I, Casual Fridays Part II
Get Me a Motherfucking Snake for this Motherfucking Drain
You may be asking yourself, "What does a production manager on a porn set do exactly?" In pursuit of the answer to that question, I talked to Travis Nestor at Zero Tolerance and he told me this heartwarming story. ¶ Friday, August 18, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Porn chicks say the Darndest things
 I have a page on my site of things that I have heard on porn sets or from porn performers. I had to write them down to document the absolute surreal experience of being around this group of people. things likeStripper 1 "Did you fuck him?" Stripper 2 "yes" Stripper 1 "Well did you know he had an STD" stripper 2 "If he didn't he does now" when I used to hear these things I would write them down in astonishment. But my Quotes have gone un updated, because all that weirdness started to become normal to me. Ya so basically don't invite me to the wedding cause I say shit like "Hookin aint got a 401K" Well at any rate I have found a new group of people that can shock me. Midwesterners. For example I heard this: "I was in the changing room with my mom, and when she took off her pants it looked like she had a negro in a headlock! She saw me looking and said "What you don't like my thighburns" We were also a dancer short and when Kimi called the replacement she was told "No way! It's the Corn Festival" Man If I had known about the corn Festival I would have asked off first! I'll be In Miami the next 4 days shooting bondage then I'm going to Lubbock Texas to feature. I have even money says I get some good quotes in Texas! Picture is not me and courtesy of Tony Korleone ¶ Wednesday, August 16, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Public libraries at east coast island resorts support porn
 What better way to post the 1,000th entry on this site (at least since we switched to the hated Blogger last July) than to superimpose Pride of the Massachusetts Bay Colony Tyler Faith's ass over this windswept and salt-encrusted non-specific Cape Cod-adjacent scene?In this part of the world, "Boston Cream Pie" is a type of cake, ATMs dispense five-dollar bills instead of herpes, and hookers only appear on film in Dunkin' Donuts security cameras. I am going out of my mind here. In other news, aren't those guest bloggers doing an excellent job? You should have sex with them (except for Ron Royster - celibacy is the main engine for his art). ¶ Tuesday, August 15, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Cleveland does not suck
A Very Special Ask Kami (links to weekly fix)
Dear Kami- I noticed on your Calendar that you were in Cleveland again. Cleveland sucks. You claim to be a Steelers Fan, but you are there more than Pittsburgh. Sincerly, A Real Steelers Fan Dear person, See the Following Pic. This is a pic of Kimi Lixxx  and when I do this  she does this  and If I shut up long enough she does this  ya so Cleveland Does not Suck. The Browns....well that's it's own post! ¶ Tuesday, August 15, 2006 3 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 11, 2006
Casual Fridays - Insight to their madness.
 Hailey warns the Paparazzi to let us be, Part II! Hey Gram fans!
¶
Friday, August 11, 2006
0 Comments
Links to this post
Ron Royster back to another Casual Friday here at Gram’s house of fun. As promised, here’s other people’s 6 Weird Things. Hailey Young is one of my favorite people in the industry. We have a 3 state relationship (Florida, Nevada and California).  1. I like to go to amusement parks for the gross food and funnel cakes, seriously I eat so much junk, thats my fav part of going, then i go on the rides and see how long I can hold all the food in before i get sick lol 2. I think I drink more cum than any other liquid;) 3. I have to always have my house super cold at night because I cannot sleep without my feather down comforter 4. I love singing karaoke but suck really bad at it! 5. I bought a glittery pink guitar for no reason and don’t think i will ever learn to play it 6. I love tomatoes and cottage cheese! I'm just weird all around! Guess u will have to get to know me:) ___________________________________________________________________  Cat Pee is a director. She got a lot of accolades for her behind the scenes on Atomic Vixens. Her new movie: Alpha 15: Reform School Girls has just come out on VCA. She let Ron Jeremy finger her within moments of meeting him, which makes me wake up screaming at 4:16am every morning.  1. I was once a Probation Officer and almost got killed for calling one of my clients "Snoop Doggy Dog on Steroids." 2. I get giggly when around pretty girls and turn into a sixteen year old boy...Thus I have a very high rejection rate from the Ladies...My "Mo" has zero "Jo" when it comes to girls...I know, I know...A lot of people think I'm pretty smooth...But it's all a facade. 3. I have a third (undeveloped) nipple...[Back off with the ewww's bitches 'cause Donny Walberg has one too!] 4. I have a LEGAL prescription for GHB. (No phone calls please. It's ALL mine!) 5. I had a vibrator LITERALLY blow up into a ball of flame, while using it! The worst thing was not the cinders on my sheets, but that I didn't have a back-up replacement and still needed to get off! 6. I have a weird fascination, some would call it an obsession, with Bob Saget. And a bonus fact: Ron Royster was my favorite roommate. ___________________________________________________________________ Jennah Adams is the new porn girl in town. I like her because she keeps sending me emails that have innuendos that I may get lucky with her. 1. I like getting my tongue pierced. There's a lot to be said for having clean needles slowly popping thru that particular spongy flesh. I've had it done at least 7 times, and currently love my triple-pierced tongue. 2. In the fall and winter, I absolutely love to crochet my buddies these wild, furry, zany colored scarves. And, yes, they do wear them, though rarely do they match anything they own.. ha! 3. I like to play with people's pants creases. I know that sounds funny (and definitely weird). I'll show you when I meet you in person. 4. I like to turn vanilla one-line jokes into sexually explicit stories. For example, if we were watching "Windtalkers" and you made mention of one of the soldiers not wearing a helmet while diving for cover, I'd probably say something like, "Oh my goddess!! He's going into the foxhole with protection!!" and so on...... ;) 5. My cat, Flirt, has a pet dog, Bella. (Some of my childhood pets: a mallard duck named Missy, a chick-turned-rooster named Binky and a dog I got as a surprise for getting good grades when I was a little girl that I named Mona Lisa Mona Barkey.) 6. Whenever I'm down in Gilroy (Ca.) I HAVE to pick up a jar of pickled garlic. YUM!! I call 'em "spiceys." They're sooooooooo good!!! 7. This one's for good measure, just in case you didn't like one of the above... haha! When I was a little girl I used to catch bees with my bare hands and I did it for years. Don't know why. I kept on and kept on, until one day of them stung me. I killed the fucker and haven't touched a bee since. kisses to your pink parts!! J. ___________________________________________________________________ Roy Karch is a director and a connoisseur of fine people. I must say as a Met fan, Roy, 2 words..........Bill and Buckner. 1- am an intense Red Sox fan. 2- I collect vinyl. 3- I am a Blues-man ie:blues harp player. 4- all the women i've been in serious relationships with have been sex-workers. 5- I started in this bizness as talent in NYC in 1970.. 6- favorite spare-time activity...SLEEP! ____________________________________________________________________ Leah Luv is porn starlet and looks great in Union Jack dresses.  6 weird things about myself: 1. I like to suck my toes and bite my toenails 2. I really like to bite people. Not like nibbling. I like to do it really hard until they scream. I like to leave my teeth marks. 3. I love the taste of blood. Every time I cut myself I like to suck the blood out. I could sit for like an hour just sucking blood out of myself. 4. I wear sweaters/sweatshirts when its 90` outside sometimes. I always feel cold. 5. I love to type. When someone has to type a document, I always want to type it for them. No matter what it is. 6. When I masturbate, I lay in my tub with my pussy under the faucet and let the running water beat on my clit while I choke myself with my wet hair. I choke myself until I cant breath, then I have these immense orgasms that cannot be explained. I can feel myself squirt even with the water beating down. AM I WEIRD??? LOL LEAH LUVCORE _________________________________________________________________ Mike South once verbally Bitch slapped me in front of a bunch of people. He told me to shut the fuck up until I was like him, an AVN Award winning director. I can never figure out why, but he travels in harems of hot porn chix. Maybe he has money. I just hope #3 has NOTHING to do with #6.  1. Im pee shy...yup you read that right...I can fuck in front of a stadium full of people but I can take a whiz in a public restroom. 2. I grew up in a normal, loving family, was never abused physically, mentally or sexually...I know how weird is that...I feel like I missed out on something. 3. When I was in second grade I carried a .22 rifle to school. When I got to class I put it in the coat closet, on the way home from school I would squirrel hunt. 4. I never considered Jenna Jameson all that attractive 5. My ex wife was the legal assistant to Michael J Cutter, Clutter was Mike Thevis's lead attorney, If you are from the south and you don't know who Mike Thevis is you shouldn't be in porn. 6. The first porn girl I ever got a crush on was Melissa Hill. I shot her and Anna Malle on the same day it was both of them's very first scene. Melissa disappeared from my life after being friends for a few years, Anna was my friend ever since, God rest her soul. ___________________________________________________________________ Miss Conduct is a fetish model and fabulous hair/makeup artist. I would say answer #1 wins most shocking answer beating out Mike South's confession of bringing a rifle to school. It was really a tie, but Miss Conduct has the nicest natural Sweater Meat (sorry, Darcy) I've EVER seen! 6 Weird Facts About Miss Conduct 1. She was abandoned at birth and then stolen from the hospital where she had been abandoned. 2. Worked the graveyard shift at a 7-11 in a VERY bad area when she was 19 years old, with a Maglight her only protection. 3. The Song Puff the Magic Dragon makes her cry hysterically, as do numerous unnamed others. 4. She's naturally blonde. 5. Can take down a man who is 3 times her size. 6. Hung out with Tiny Tim and got his autograph. ___________________________________________________________________ Holly Randall is one of the best photographers in the business. I have a big crush on her and was hoping for an intimate relationship, but I can't get past the fact she hangs out with Lurk. Hmmm, let's see... 1) I am selectively OCD. There are two cabinets in my kitchen that I am really anal about-- all my glasses and cookware match and have to be lined up/stacked in a particular order, and if someone, say, puts the mugs in there with the handle facing the wrong way I get really irritated. All the other cabinets, I couldn't care less. But it's when people don't put plastic trash bags in the cans-- now that really drives me up the wall. 2) I have to take a bath with some kind of domestic magazine before I go to sleep every night. My favorite is Sunset, but I also love Real Simple, and sometimes I'll even branch out into Country Gardens or Better Homes and Gardens. Part of me very much wants to be a Martha Stewart type person, but I think I'm just too lazy. 3) I hate theme parks and Christmas music. I hate theme parks because every time I've been it's either been over 100 degrees or raining, you have to wait in line for 3 hours for a ride that lasts 3 minutes, you have to walk miles to get around the place, the food sucks and there's no booze. I hate Christmas music just because it's annoying and I have to listen to different versions of the same stupid songs everywhere I go. 4) I have a serious fetish for Latin men as well as guys in glasses. Give me a handsome Peruvian in specs and I'm toast-- have him speak Spanish to me I'll have an instant orgasm. 5) I really hate celery. I mean, really. 6) I have an enormous fear of champagne corks-- once my mom's friend was opening a bottle and the cork went flying through the air and grazed my face, just missing my eye. Now when someone wants to pop a bottle of fizzy I will actually leave the room and duck for cover. ____________________________________________________________________ Ruby Knox is an ultra hip porn chick who rides motorcycles. I fantasize about bouncing quarters of her stomach. She is also a great ally in a bar fight or tense negotiations with an adult video company.  1) i started watching porn when i was 9.5 when i got my first laptop for "school" it was dialup and i was always tying up the phone lines. 2) i lost my virginity on power ranger sheets when i was 17. the matrix was on. 3) i fearlessly fight men 3x's my size to practice my ninja skills on. no broken bones yet. 4)my first vibrator was a child's electric/battery powered toothbrush....i was 10 and did a search on vibrator ideas. 5) i have a fear of being in the shower alone unless there's music playing in the bathroom. 6) im a savage native from Alaska with Russian blue blood, which means ill scalp you while chugging vodka and laughing. ___________________________________________________________________  Eon McKai is the king of everything. He swears that we are still friends. He was too busy with his global domination plans, but was kind enough to send along a trailer for his newest movie, Girls Lie. NEXT WEEK: Pictures from home......... Previously: Last week's Casual Fridays See also:
Thursday, August 10, 2006
A Rose By Any Other Name
 About once a week I am confronted with a new word or phrase in the adult industry that causes me to recoil in discomfort. Previous offenders have included:Cum Fart Cocktail “Girlvana 2” releases next month.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
The real Jenna J divorce story
 you heard it here first folks! Jenna is NOT getting a divorce! Please look at the following photo for evidence! We all knew Jay rebuilt Jenna much like the Six million dollar man (we do have the technology) and he uses a remote control to have her make appearances when he isn't snatching out strippers hair. So now that we all agree Jay "made" Jenna, why would he make it look like she was running around and humping midget rock stars? Because they don't want you to notice they chopped off Kendras head and bolted it on some one else's body! Classic distraction ploy! I'm sure they were seeing if they could get it to work in case any of Jennas parts start to degrade in the hot lights Lets be honest, that's why wax Jenna was made also They thought putting a fighter in the pic would distract my watchful eye but no, that is the only reason I looked!! Kendra's head isn't even the same color as her body and they used metal bolts and duct tape to put it back on! Damn people I know you have better doctors than that! On a non porn related note, if Tito keeps doing that dumb ass Rock eye brow thing I'm going to have Jay make a Pre WWE Ken to kick Tito's ass. Tito would never see a robot Ken coming! Laugh at that!Also you gotta love the dude who was like "cool it's Jenna and Tito I'm gonna give her bunny ears!" Jenna's MySpace Tito's MySpace Dave's MySpace Kendra's MySpace (insert your own token joke) and to prove I just don't sit on my MySpace all damn day Replacement Parts Waxy Build up Ken Shamrock MMA record Tito Ortiz MMA record you can send your "your so mean to Jenna" e-mail by clicking here ¶ Wednesday, August 09, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
You down with BBK?
 Like Kami in a previous post, I want to fuck geek girls. But I also want to fuck girls without elf ears and tricorders.Gram's a big fan of the Stoney Curtis but me, I like to see a different couch in the background every twenty movies or so. Still, I can't fault Curtis for plopping Sara(h) Stone down there on that well-used big box retailer furniture and having her press the Girls together. While women are jealous of the thin chicks with champagne-glass tits, anyone who has ever enjoyed a Sapphic interlude in a freshman dorm (complete with a little crying and a change in major afterwards) knows that the heavy-breasted girls have a lot to give. And the asymmetry of Stone's rack proves that she will do her best to compensate in other areas. At least I like to think so. I haven't seen Big Bodacious Knockers (vol. 1) and I probably won't, but one cover photo is worth two hours of increasing damage to that IKEA sofa. See also: Lethal Harcore ¶ Wednesday, August 09, 2006 3 Comments Links to this post
Mash your boobies
 Hello! I'm The Countess and I am helping to keep Ponante Towers, Aviary and Helipad running smoothly while Gram and the rest of the entourage are out of town. Today, I'm speaking with Simone Williams of Exquisite Restraint. These corsets are so beautiful everyone will want to have sex with you immediately. Hot, Bodice Ripping, Let's Play Pirate and Wench, I'm Going to Fuck You Hard from Behind Sex. Now.I mean, you'll look very pretty, like a princess. Countess: Are they comfortable? I expect a certain amount of restriction of course, I'm not wearing sweatpants, but I hate the pokey things cutting into my ribs.  Simone: Believe it or not, people find my corsets very comfortable! I believe as a society we've all turned into a bunch of slouching slackers! When someone puts one of my corsets on, they remark on how it supports their back and makes them stand up straight. I use flexible steel bones on the sides, which people often confuse for plastic. Trust me- I only use the best materials in my corsets and that means ALL-STEEL BONING! Honey, go to the mall if you want plastic bones!The pokey things shouldn't actually cut into your ribs if you have a good-fitting corset. I recommend a custom fitting for everyone. Countess: I have a bit of a dumpy shape. I'm very short, but I'm stacked. What do you recommend? Simone: You are the perfect woman to wear a corset! A corset takes the soft flesh below your ribs and squishes it....... skinny girls don't benefit from corsets because there is nothing to squeeze. And a stacked brickhouse such as yourself would love what a corset does for your booz-ooms! Can you say "cleavage into next week?" Countess: Do you have any embarrassing "caught in my corset" stories from you or a client?  Simone: A lot of my clients are "in the closet," so to speak, and expend a lot of energy keeping their corset predelictions secret. The opposite extreme are the clients who wear a corset almost daily, in public. The worst thing for them is forgetting to put their shoes on BEFORE they put their corset on. You can't bend over in a corset. Of course, the super-rich corset clients get their servants to help them put their shoes onto their stinky rich feet.....oh, is that off the record?Countess: I saw your stuff on the cover of Frontiers. I should say I could barely see your corset on the cover, because that skinny lady's arms and legs were all in the way. How do you deal with someone using your stuff for a photo shoot, but then not REALLY showing it in the photo? Simone: Well Countess, that "lady" is actually a member of the drag-superstar-fashionista community, internet phenom, Jeffree Star. Alas, one is always subject to the whim of the editor. Is the magazine portraying Miss Star or my fab corset? Well, you can't tell an editor what to do! A woman such as yourself must have experienced some performances ending up on the cutting room floor? Countess: Don't I know it!! But how am I supposed to get this thing on by myself? I live alone! I'm hoping to have a little help getting out of it, if you know what I mean, but getting dressed is a whole other deal.  Simone: Oh, yeah, well, take some tips from my crossdresser buddies, who are usually guys named Bob who change into their corset next to the trunk of their car before going out for a night "With the Girls."A) Loosen the laces a lot but do not remove them. B) The corset has a handy-dandy front opening called a "busc." It's a series of holes that fit over knobs...mmmm...holes over knobs. C) You can now reach behind yourself and pull the laces ends at your waist to tighten the corset. Tie those ends in a loose bow. Remember: don't lace your corset super tight when you first put it on. It is always recommended that you lace it comfortable, then approximately 20 minutes later, tighten it a bit more. It's not good for you or the corset to lace it as tight as possible when you first put it on. photo credits: Emily Marilyn and friend (sorry, hot lady!) by Christophe Mourthe, Jeffree Star by Albert Sanchez ¶ Wednesday, August 09, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
I want to Fuck Geek Girls
 Although I write an advice column, sometimes I need an outsiders opinion when it comes to matters of the heart. When these occasions arise I turn to Monstar. Why you ask? Because the fucker has an entourage of hot chicks 24/7! The problem I have been having is that as soon as I fall asleep they steal all my pills and cash and buy purses. I'm not alone in my suffering. but that doesn't make me feel better. I just want a girl that will eat my pussy watch the fights and play WOW. well Monstar hooked a sister up. I would like you to meet The most interesting porn chick I have had the honor of Stalking. Mia Rose. (pictured above) I haven't been able to get her into the fights yet (Jenna just takes the hipness out of it)but if she ever gits level 60 she promised to spend the day watching hot guys sweat with me. I seriously think she may be marriage material! Well naturally I followed the tried and true way for a journalist to get some ass, I interviewed her about something she is passionate about...World Of War Craft. What server do you play? I play on US server Mal' Ganis. I started on Arthas but the server was going to hell so me and my guild switched. "25$ to switch your char and all ur stuff" .... : ? How do you handle PK'ers? No clue what a PKer is.... but I do PVP... Player vs Player.... :: ninja kick :: Watch ur back.... grr Pk'er is player killer... kids these days I play in the Horde Race. "the bad guys" : ) I am an undead warlock 39 "almost 40" and moving up everyday til I hit 60 and can actually play with my guild..... Shes a nasty cool bitch. My alt is a Druid priest. What object can some one give you that would move you to let them fuck you? An object that you can give me, how about some epic gear... huh huh?! lol Are you in any Guilds? In my guild I play the role of watergirl, or PEON lol. Until I hit 60. No one has ever been in the guild unless they have filled out an application, and gone through try outs. So :: sticks ass out :: opps. I mean, toung... I am in one of the top horde guilds in the nation. "not because I am a AMAZING lv 60 cause I'm not, not yet. But because of my role on whoresofwarcraft." It is the FIRST ever fully SPONSERED guild in the world, Aurora. Aurora and the players in it, "girls and guys" are unfucking real players! The guild is sponserd by Dez of www.WhoresofWarcraft.com and Danny Ting, owner of wantedlist.com. both of which play WoW. What's you character name? My name is MiaRose on the game..... Fucking add me biotchs... Have you ever cried over a death or dropped item? cried because I lost one? No, I cried cause I gain one. tears of joy What is your advice to new players. My advice.... Watch ur back newb.... :: grrr :: no really though, It looks alot harder than it is... Its fun, and you meet some really cool people believe it or not. Have you ever met any one from WOW in person? I haven't met anyone from the game, but I play with people I know in real life...lol. But I have met people off of another online game.. Halo 2... why? Cause I'm a nerd like that. w00t If I sign up will you protect me? Kami, if you sign up, I will protect u. and then, we will rule the server! lol....Kami, I don't care how cute you think the Alliance is, "good guys" when u sign up, be whored... opps, horde. lol. Thank you for allowing me to share my geekyness..... hahahaha! Am I the only one who thinks geek chicks are totally stroakable? heres is a WOW Gallery of Mia courtesy of WhoreofWarcraft ¶ Tuesday, August 08, 2006 4 Comments Links to this post
Return of the Bowng-Chiki-Bowng
 Hello, my name is Duke Santos. I’ve been a Porn connoisseur since the days when I was sproutin’ pubes back in the 70’s. I am a layman when it comes down to the Porn industry & its business, but I am a big fan of the art and want to share some thoughts from someone considered an “Extraordinary Joe”.I love Porn. I’ve loved it since the day I skipped school to watch “Porky’s” 3 times in a row. I’ve loved it since I stared buying videotapes from the local Adult Shoppe before even buying a VCR. I loved it since the first time I met Ginger Lynn and almost blew my load in my tan Haggers. It is a true seductive art which has helped me with many date-less days, cold winter nights, and the occasional visit from grandma. Just the mere tingling sensation when you rip open a new DVD from it’s plastic shell - the whiff of that ‘new porn’ smell hitting your nostrils and traveling down to your pleasure sensors feels GREAT. But I’ve noticed that now there are certain times when I no longer am met with the same excitement with the newer releases. In fact, it always feels like a gamble when I have to drop 40 bucks on a DVD that turns out to be half of what it’s claimed to be on the case. Which leads me to this thought I’d like to share: What I find the issue with today’s product is what I call a “Lack of Bowng-Chiki-Bowng”. While some of us may find cum facial scenes in which the actress is covered like a Cinnabon during Christmas sexy and hot; or the shots of a man-chowder covered anus being pulled open to reveal tonsils delectable; some of us miss the days when the only premise of a movie was the lonely house wife getting banged by the plumber, the milkman, or paletero. What I mean is that guys like me miss the Bowng-Chiki-Bowng days. That moment when the Bass guitar begins its riff signaling to your dick that it’s time to come out & play. When the “woa-woa” sounds plucked through the strings of the guitar begin to mimic the up & down pelvic thrusts. When the French maid kneels down and tells her boss that his dick needs some cleaning. It’s the fantasy. The one thing that regulars Joe’s can identify with, making the whole experience better. The dumb yet intriguing themes that made porn great to watch while eating Cheetos. Family Porn. I’m not talking about the actors/actresses performance, the technical features of DVD navigation, nor the cinematography. I respect the work involved in creating a porn film in all its aspects. My issue is the lack of creativity in some of themed movies of today. I’m not advocating the return of afro bush, thick tan-lines or banana-boobs. I’m talking about the innocent-dirt that the late 70’s, all 80’s and some 90’s flicks had. Cool themes like “Devil in Ms. Jones”, Nasty themes like the early “Taboo” series, Silly themes like “Dickman & Throbbin” starring John Holmes and his kickstand. But one major flaw is the lack of Bass music for which this article is called Bowng-Chiki-Bowng. I once heard classical music being played during a threesome scene that made the effect about as hot as jumping in a pool in January. C’mon! Banjo music at least would’ve offered more of a twang for my giddy-up (like any episode of “Hee-Haw” did during my puberty). I guess that’s why I surf the Net much more nowadays. The Duke digs Naughty America and Naughty Office, two of the best sites out there (IMO) which still satisfies the themed fantasy aspect with hot contemporary models, though it could use some funky music here and there. With Hollywood remaking some of the classic movies from the past, why not remake a classic Porn film featuring the wonderful selection of contemporary actresses & actors in the industry. And make sure you don’t forget the “Bowng-Chiki-Bowng”. Perhaps I am just choosing the wrong DVD’s. After all I only have two eyes and I can’t watch all the porn that’s out there, but as I approach the prime of my life I do miss some of the craziness that made porn so cool; the look and feel of a porn movie shot on film, or the flickering sound of the projector. Shit, I also miss having the June Cleaver/Donna Reed cheesecake photos in my locker, warm pot-roast in the oven when I come home tired from work, and the cold martini draped in the fingers of my mistress clothed only in my Van-Heusen shirt. See also: http://www.myspace.com/dukeabouttown ¶ Tuesday, August 08, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Transsexual stripper notes
 Transsexual stripper Allenina will be appearing at San Francisco's Club Chez Paree and Divas between August 15 and 27. "Dancing at Chez Paree is like a dream come true for me," Allenina said. "I know it sounds retarded." We hadn't thought it sounded retarded, but we aren't transsexuals. Maybe it is retarded. Are we out of the loop for not thinking it's retarded? Chez Paree is one of the only clubs in the nation to feature/allow full-nude transsexual dancing. As you know, Gram Ponante: Porn Valley Observed has been your source for transsexual fully-nude strip club appearances since 1975. See also: Allenina ¶ Tuesday, August 08, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Monday, August 07, 2006
Kami's penis envy
 I want to take full advantage of my position here at The Gram Ponante Aviary and Helepad to give a female perspective on something. Take notes this is important! When you see a lady (using the term loosely) that you find attractive the correct way to introduce yourself is not to show her your penis. I know you think it's great, hell if I had one I would play with it 24/7 and stick it in everything! My reaction may also be "look what I have this thing is cool as fuck!" Sometimes I get really depressed I don't have a penis, but that being said looking at them doesn't do much for me. I know it happens to regular girls also but for a porn chick the Glut of penis pics we get daily is enough to put us on the other team. (the other team smells better and looks better naked) Never in all my years have a seen a picture of a penis and thought dear Lord that is the man I am going to marry! Because 90% of the time the penis you see in the pics are attached to ..well dicks. As a guy you may think your love of your penis is unique, however I submit to you xpeeps (warning man penis) to show you that it is not! Now once I get to know a guy I start thinking about his penis what it would feel like inside me if I could get it in my throat, in fact last night I stroked thinking about a penis I have never seen before. If that person had sent me a penis pic in our first e-mail, he would be in a folder of things I save to laugh at when I am feeling low! but as it stands now, I'm making plans to try to see that penis in person. To clarify something though I do want to see the penis when I buy porn. For example I am very fond of Jack Napiers' Penis. If you have not seen it, well you are missing something special. If you are a director, I strongly recommend using this Penis in your movies...cause I like looking at it. But if Jack ever sends me a random pic of his penis, the pic goes in the things I like to laugh at folder. I will save my thoughts on penis size for another day. although usually the penis pic is accompanied buy the question of how does my penis rate. related article: I wish I had a penis ¶ Monday, August 07, 2006 3 Comments Links to this post
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Ranting : for fun and profit
 Now that Kurt Lockwood has made me an international superstar and industry icon my celebrity gigs are rolling in. I will be hosting the pot belly pig races at the Smith family picnic this weekend, but more importantly I will be a Guest Judge on the MySpace of the Famous Goze. He has Rant tournaments to rival anything any tweeked out porn personality can come up with. Plus he Looks a lot like David Hasselhoff when I have been drinking. And let's be honest folks, when have I not been drinking! Add the brother if you are on MySpace and get ready to read some of the funniest shit ever! His MySpace also features an advice column with such gems as this: Dear Relationship Guy- My boyfriend doesn't seem to listen to me anymore. He use to be so attentive when we first met, but now I don't think he listens to a word I say. The only time we seem totally is during a commercial break or a time out. I just don't think were communicating anymore. Please advise! -Speechless in Stockbridge Dear Speechless in Stockbridge- Unfortunately you are communicating, but you aren't communicating effectively. Take Apollo Creed and Rocky Balboa for example. What was Apollo thinking when he told Rocky he wanted a rematch at the beginning of Rocky II, when we all clearly heard him say twice at the end of the first Rocky movie, There ain't gonna be no rematch. There ain't gonna be no rematch. With the exception of the double negatives, I actually had to agree with him. I mean he pretty much got his ass kicked. Boy did he look dumb at the end of Rocky II when he lost his world title. Its a good thing Apollo didn't try to get into the ring against Clubber Lang (Mr. T) in Rocky III. I mean, I wouldn't want to get into the ring with Mr. T. I pity any fool that would! He is no Ask Kami But he's as funny as a fat kid chasing the short bus after he overslept! Enjoy the funny (and my boobs)! The Tourney starts Thursday but try to get in good with Goze, I do fuck all finalists. Labels: kurt lockwood ¶ Sunday, August 06, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Friday, August 04, 2006
Casual Friday
 Hailey warns the Paparazzi to let us be! Hey Gram fans!
¶
Friday, August 04, 2006
0 Comments
Links to this post
Ron Royster here to help entertain you for the few weeks that Gram's in the Middle East to chill everyone the fuck out. As a long time Gram fan myself, I always love deciphering his Rubik's Cube of words to find the hidden gems hidden beneath. However, it's Friday damnit! We're getting ready to wind the work week down and rev up for the weekend. Time for all the mega companies to forget about how adult video sales are in the dumper and the angry dudes over at xxxporntalk.com to put aside their self loathing and vicious attacks because it's the start of the weekend, and damnit, we just want to feel good again! SO, I've decided that the next 3 weeks we will have casual Fridays! Nothing too heavy and clothing optional. Get out an ice cold PBR and let's get going............................... This week, I'm going to tell you 6 weird things/habits about yours truly. I encourage everyone to make their own and mail it to me at ron@eroticistfilms.com. Next week I will post them. I found this game on Myspace and was amazed at such candid answers as: "When I was a little kid I used to eat my crunchy eye boogers", "whenever i wash my face i use my underwear to tie my hair instead of a hair band. omg sooo nasty lol" and my favorite "when i was kid i liked this boy but i was too shy to tell him so instead i kicked his balls" (sound kinda like a female Max Hardcore to me). Here are my 6 - I left the smilies just in case the angry dudes at xxxporntalk.com stop by: 1) When I was 11, I had a fully developed 16 year old hot-as-hell Italian girlfriend who would sleep over with me almost every weekend. How could that be possible you ask? Well, at birth there was a terrible accident resulting in oxygen being cut off to her brain thus leaving her with the mentality of a 9 year old.  2) When I directed my first film, Alternative Worldz: Atlanta, I had NEVER directed a movie before. I had NO prior movie making experience, had never been on a set, had never seen people outside of myself (and a girl if I was REALLY lucky) having sex. In fact, I had no fucking idea what was going on!  3) I grew up in a trailer park in Wilson, NC which is both the Tobacco capital of the world and the poor white trash capital of North Carolina!  4) I only got drunk once, but it lasted for 17 years. I went to University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, but I've forgotten virtually EVERYTHING I ever learned. If my writing is grammatically incorrect OR incoherent, now you know why.  5) At 6, I had my first crush on Jeannie from "I Dream of Jeannie". As drunken adults would re-enact championship wrestling, I would pull the covers over my eyes and pretend I was safe with Jeannie in her phat-assed plush bottle. Then I would drift off to sleep as I pretended I was nestling my head on those phat-assed breasts. Sometimes I still do that, but now without the drunk adults, I own the redecorated bottle and Lacie Heart is Jeannie  I've been planning a movie based on this, but you can only imagine the tears that ran down my chubby cheeks when I discovered that my movie title had already been used! 6) I try to get EVERY girl I ever work with to have a real on screen big-assed orgasm. This can be witnessed in Atomic Vixens: Escape from the Valley of the Sluts as Justine Joli and Marie Luv launch off some pretty impressive O's. Hailey Young erupting some love lava is also a site to behold!  Have a great weekend and I'll see ya next Friday! Love, ron
And Now a Post About Breast Touching
 Chances are moderate to high that you've never touched Mary Carey's boobs. In my estimation, only perhaps 4000-5000 people have had that honor and I am amongst them. She stopped by my office recently where we had a discussion about her newly implanted breasts. We commiserated about the fact that weight loss frequently results in concurrent boob density reduction (a hard lesson for the naturally busty gal who wants to drop a few pounds) after which she invited me to touch them. They were heavy. Really really heavy. Some of the exchange is available for your viewing pleasure here. I left the part where I hefted Mary's weighty teat out of the final video. It was a special moment that I am sure she will treasure forever and I wouldn't want to cheapen it by showing it to perverts on the interwebs. Previously: Candidate-hopeful takes one in the face See also: Marey Carey dot com, Legend ¶ Friday, August 04, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Thank you for making me whole Gram
Thank You Gram! I have always wanted to be an industry icon, mostly for one reason. To get an angry letter from Kurt Lockwood! Everyone who is anyone has received at one time or another an angry rant. I put feelers out, I did what I could, I didn't return his calls even though there was cash involved, but no rant! Imagine my surprise when I was unpacking my bags at Gram Ponante Towers and Aviary when I notice I have mail in my MySpace. Yes folks my rant had come in! Naturally I thought he had overheard that I had stepped it up a notch and called him Faggy McFaggedy pants, but since I was alone when I said it the only logical explanation can be the prestige of me being here at the Aviary!! I'm sure he doesn't know I'm only here to feed the dumber whores while Gram is on vacation! But no matter, I finally feel validated! Just to prove I'm not making up this occasion enjoy my MySpace message. ------------------------------------------------------ yeah, right. How typical. W-ever. ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Kami Date: Aug 2, 2006 3:34 PM I need links, I'm not sure what your on about ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Kurt Lockwood - Adult Film Star Date: Aug 2, 2006 5:07 PM Hey Kami I don't think you and I have ever met, much less worked together. So imagine my surprise when I make a quick check of the loser gossip boards and I find that you have been talking smack about me for a while now. This is entirely baffling to me since I have never met you, and I even tried to hire you for a scene I was directing (which you never called me back, thanks a lot). Also, I remember you hiring me for a scene with Gia and you said you would reschedule and then I never heard from you again. Nice job. Hmmm let's address some of your attacks on me shall we? Hmmm... you think I think I'm a "legend." You would never work with me or Nick Manning because we are too good looking, etc. Need I go on? Whatever your problem is. It stops now. I've never done shit to you, I don't know you, and more importantly, YOU DON"T KNOW ME. As far as being concerned about being in getting fucked by me(you know, because me and Nick are too good looking), well, don't worry, honey, that's a problem you will....never....have. For these unwarranted and un-provoked attacks, you owe me an apology. It's people like you who like to talk shit and backstab others who YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW, is what makes this industry so shitty sometimes. Is your self-esteem so low that you have to talk smack about others to make yourself feel better? That's pretty fucking pathetic. Anyway, I have never said anything or written anything bad about you and I never will. So I kindly invite you TO GO FUCK YOURSELF. Keep my name out of your fucking mouth and we have no problem and never would have. See you in the movies! KURT FUCKIN' LOCKWOOD  Even though I tried to get more attention from Mr. Lockwood he would not give me links but I think it is this topic from my favorite "loser board" yes even me poking fun at bloated red heads is all about Kurt! I'm glad he saw that! Maybe I can get him worked up enough to throw a drink on me! Here are some links to those that have come before me! Courtesy Of Luke is Back Kylie Ireland Mike South and some related links! Porn Oh's Not Kurt Lockwoods lock wood opens pod bay doors Pegging Please I know there are dozen more of these letters post links or copies in the comments! I know this is a long first post folks but my in box is as hot as kurts bunghole after a gang bang! *My first reader writes:* "Many companies like adam and eve and magna publications (Genesis) will not hire lockwood because of his attitude *This next gem came from Mike South* Top 10 Things You Will NEVER Hear Kurt Lackwood (I mean Lockwood) Say: 10) I hate the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog. 9) Women are the true stars of porn. 8) Pussy tastes good. 7) Really, I'm modest deep down. 6) I'm really happy for Tyler and Wankus. 5) You are not sticking that in my ass! 4) The tattoo above my butt means I hate buttsex. 3) I love women! 2) That dildo is too big! 1) I'm truly sorry I was such an assclown. *My Southern Comfort Bornyo offered this on a prior occasion! Sue The Bastids!:* Bornyo Thinks that in addition to PornOhs.com suggesting that Kurt Lockwood might be a little light in his loafers, the guys at PornOhs.com should be sued for ruining the ending to "Catherine" For those of you who don't know what in the hell I am talking about click the link and read PornOhs, it's the best satire in porn. As for Kurt, he threatened legal action against PornOhs but that's OK Lockwood, with your sixth grade education you probably had no idea that satire is protected free speech...You and Talon make a cute couple though....do you hold hands when you skip to the gym? OK who can I piss off next? Labels: kurt lockwood ¶ Thursday, August 03, 2006 2 Comments Links to this post
The Ass Sticker: What people who work in porn marketing talk about
 Hello, lovers. My name is Charges, and I'll be posting random stories about the other side of Porn Valley until Gram returns, angry and regretting his invitation to allow ladies like me access to his towers and aviaries.By day, I work for an Adult company called Sexyland. By night, I ride Rollertrain, where you can (sometimes) read about what it's like to work in porn marketing. It's pretty much the same thing as working in mainstream advertising: Both are entirely filled with fucked-up assholes. Sexyland is a building that looks like any other building in any other Tech Center in any city. There is nothing to distinguish our headquarters from the surrounding brick and glass offices. So occasionally, some lost delivery man or business person will park in our lot and walk to one of the entrances without a security badge or any idea what's inside. Like this morning. Two graphic designers and I were having a smoke out back, around the corner from a security-protected entrance. We saw a business woman in a nice suit get out of her nice car and walk towards the building with a nice brief case in a nice pair of shoes. Since we were smoking near the back entrance, we assumed this woman knew where she was going. As she walked towards the door, we continued a typical conversation about marketing materials: Three flyers advertising porn videos, and a printed sticker. Chee, one of the designers, was trying to meet a rushed deadline. "How's it coming?" I ask. "Man, fuck it, I'll have the whole thing done at two today," he says, hunching at the shoulders. Chee is a large dude who looks like a club bouncer. Lil' Tim, the other designer who works in Sexyland's Gay Product division, peers around the corner at the business woman, blowing smoke away from our conversation. "What's holding you up?" I ask. "That fucken ass sticker," Chee groans. "What ass sticker?" Lil' Tim asks. "It's a sticker for one of these fucken flyers," Chee says, dragging off his cigarette. "I've been trying all morning to design a ass for this fucken sticker and I'm like, how the hell you make a ass? It's pissen me off." "What kind of ass?" Lil' Tim asks. "A nice juicy white girl ass, like Racquel Darrian. Damn, that was a fine-ass ass. What happened to that ass?" "I think she's a mom and a dancer now," I say. "Are you designing the ass by hand or are you using a visual?" "Man, I don't know what the hell." "Have you checked the sticker templates?" Lil' Tim asks. "Naw, man," Chee says, glancing around the corner. "I think we have some existing ass stickers," Lil' Tim says. "I think maybe the Ethnic Product division made an ass sticker. You might want to have a look." "You think I can pull that off the server?" Chee asks. "Should be able to," says Lil' Tim. Chee looks around the corner again. "Who is that chick?" I haven't paid attention. I walk around and see the woman staring at the door without a badge. I walk back. "She doesn't have a badge," I say. Both artists peer around the corner. We continue smoking. "If you want, I can send you the sticker templates," says Lil' Tim. "Cool, cool. Is it a black ass?" "Well, if it was for the ethnic division, it's probably African-American. But you can change its ethnicity in Photoshop. Do you know what skin shade you need?" Lil' Tim asks. "A white ass, probably," says Chee. "The gay division might have an ass sticker," Lil' Tim says. "But that would be a man ass." "Yes, it would be a man's ass," Lil' Tim smiles. "We don't want no man ass," says Chee. Lil' Tim laughs. I toss my cigarette butt in the ashtray and head towards the entrance. As I turn the corner, I run head-on into the business woman. She looks terrified, and doesn't say anything. "Can I help you?" I ask. Chee and Lil' Tim turn the corner. The business woman's mouth falls open. "Is this System One Technology?" she squeaks. "Naw, that's up the road, five builden's down," Chee answers. The business woman frowns and clenches her head. She coughs up a "Thank you," and walks back to her car. Halfway there, she turns and looks back at us with the profound disapproval typically reserved for parents of pornstars. "Her ass is turnen' to salt," Chee says, tapping his badge to the sensor and opening the door for everyone. Ten minutes later, Chee calls my office phone. "I need fucken input," he says. He's huddled behind his desk like a hulk, giant arms strapping his monitor. "It was a black ass, so I changed it to a white ass and put some bubble ass highlights on it." I look at his screen. "That's a nice ass sticker," I say. ¶ Thursday, August 03, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Whores uber alles
 Do you want to go to Germany?The annual German Whores' Congress (hurenkongress) is convening from August 30 to September 1 and will discuss prostitutes' rights and options in the European Union, managing one's career, and what to do in case of David Hasselhoff. As long as there are landmädls there, I'm calling Lufthansa. Previously: Katja Kassin: "They want to take the butt"; Hustler, scat, and the Marshall Plan; One is the gooiest number See also: Whores' Congress ¶ Thursday, August 03, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tits, transitions, and a sort of homecoming
 If I weren't too lazy to sign in and download the trailer for Elegant Angel's Big Wet Tits 3, I'm sure the soundtrack would be Paula Cole, Lisa Loeb, or that Green Day aberration "The Time of Your Life".This movie features not only the departing Amy Ried but also the returning Jessica Sweet, the former Ms. Britney Rears. It would have been A Very Special Big Wet Tits indeed if Keiko had made a cameo, but it wasn't to be. Previously: Asses: this time they're big and wet; Tiana Lynn's easy challenge See also: Elegant Angel ¶ Wednesday, August 02, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Audacia goes the extra mile
 Audacia Ray, who in this photo looks like the favorite aunt I never had, wipes off the strap-on of her star, Tasty Trixie, in Adam & Eve's upcoming film The Bi Apple.In the background is New York City, baby. Here is some sample dialogue. I don't know what it means. TRIXIE: So what do you think of the local perverts?I'm assuming that's dirty. It is a porn movie. Previously: Audacia Ray and the trick to casting porn See also: Waking Vixen, Adam & Eve ¶ Wednesday, August 02, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Jenna: Statue no Cheap Trick
 "I had heard the WACS recruited old maids ..." - "Surrender"Temptation Awards Hall of Fame member Jenna Jameson unveiled her wax statue at Madame Tussaud's Las Vegas Waxeteria this morning. Aside from Bill Clinton, she is the only adult star so immortalized. Previously: Jenna's waxy buildup ¶ Wednesday, August 02, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Thunder from Hawaii
 I don't usually print press releases, but Wayne loaned me his go-fast boat so I could get mojitos in Havana recently. Plus, I'm quoted near Lexington Steele, and that guy's like E.F. Hutton. Plus, he's really good at what he does.Hentai Public Relations Expands:Previously: Mia and Ava Rose in Double Trouble; How to party with models; Erotica L.A. in review; See also: Hentai Public Relations ¶ Wednesday, August 02, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Latinas Who Crave It in the Ass and the people who love them
 I suppose calling the movie Ass Craving-It Latinas or Craving-It-in-the-Ass Latinas would sound awkward, but Latinas Who Crave It in the Ass! sounds more like an article in the New England Journal of Medicine.Also, why the exclamation point? And why is Chiquita Lopez playing with her nipples when the viewer is supposed to be thinking about her ass? Why is her ass covered? And everyone knows that there is an ambiguity in attaching a "Number One" to an ass-related movie. Little-known fact: Put your right hand on your shoulder and your left hand on your right breast. That is the international symbol for craving it in the ass. If I had my druthers (and who says I don't?) I would make a movie called Irish Girls Who Crave It in the Ass! (because they do). The only thing I would require of my talent is that each of them said, "Ay Papi!" Previously: Come back to us, Mosura!; Report: Asians mentally sound See also: Xotica ¶ Wednesday, August 02, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
The $15k kind of porn
 Eli Cross, director of Corruption, partner of Kylie Ireland, person who boycotted the Lord of the Rings movies, writes about Porn's Summer Slowdown and skyrocketing talent rates. One question: How does he spell Amy Ried/Reid? Okay, somebody, somewhere has to have the sack to sound the alarm... run up the white flag... call a truce... be willing to be the bad guy... whatever. But something has to stop. Someone has to put the brakes on this thing that's going 'round the porn industry.Previously: Corruption in the boiler room; Bank Holliday? See also: "This Shit Has to Stop!" on the Eli Cross blog ¶ Wednesday, August 02, 2006 1 Comments Links to this post
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
SugarDVD gives Donna free porn for life
 Tori Spelling, after revealing that she and her new husband rent porn from SugarDVD, has been rewarded with a diamond-dusted 14-carat gold Sugar Star Card that will allow her to rent free porn for life."We are offering our Sugar Star Card to any A-list celebrity that mentions using our service in the press," said SugarDVD owner Jax, who nevertheless gave one to Spelling, who got the celebrity endorsement ball rolling. He then added: "We will give away free porn for life to A-List celebs until I'm sleeping in a garbage dump if that's what it comes to." I congratulated Jax on the media buzz but asked at what point doling out free porn to celebs should stop. He said that Spelling's mentions of SugarDVD on local TV and radio stations as well as national magazines like Giant and in a recent New York Post Page Six column made him expect to double his business overnight. I then thought about all the free swag celebrities get in gift rooms at the Emmys, Grammys, and Academy Awards and realized that if just 200 people signed up to SugarDVD based on something Tori Spelling says, giving out diamond cards to Lance Bass and Devendra Barnhart would similarly translate exposure to cash. I doubted Jax had engaged in any of the cash-for-mentions scandals going on at Page Six lately, and he assumed that no keys to Tarzana bungalows had changed hands in promoting his porn rental service. See also: SugarDVD ¶ Tuesday, August 01, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
Quick turnaround in the gape department
 The following entry will hold no interest for members of the adult industry, but for the 96 percent of the readership that doesn't work in porn, I think it will be fascinating.In the middle of June I attended the filming of Lethal Hardcore's Cum in My Gaping Butthole 2, and now the five scene gonzo movie is on store shelves across the United States. Q. Why Cum in My Gaping Butthole 2? A. Because Cum in My Gaping Butthole 1 left some problems unresolved. Q. Grams, when you visit a set and someone tells you the name of the movie is Cum in My Gaping Butthole 2, do you ever suppress a laugh? Or do people take it too seriously for you to laugh? A. Many people in porn have excellent senses of humor. Another Lethal Hardocre title I like is Super-size My Snatch. People laugh all the time. Then I take my pants off, and people cringe and shiver. One wouldn't expect an Eyes Wide Shut-length of time for a porn move to come out, but release schedules for gonzos tend to be between three and four months. Features like The Da Vinci Load shot in November and released in May. On the other hand, Vivid/Club Jenna's Jenna Loves Janine, shot in early 2005, still hasn't been released.  Cum in My Gaping Butthole 2 stars Cherrie Rose, Monica Breeze, Allison Pierce, Harmony, and Arcadia. Previously: Cameltoe Mountain; Get your hand out of your pants; Report: Cum redistribution interesting, if not useful See also: Lethal Hardcore ¶ Tuesday, August 01, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
FBI: Regarding Skeeter
 The FBI is at Robert Hill Releasing. Previously: Your panic room; Lot's wife gets an eyeful See also: Robert Hill Releasing ¶ Tuesday, August 01, 2006 0 Comments Links to this post
|
July 2002 December 2002 January 2003 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement This Website fully complies with 18 U.S.C. 2256 and 2257 and the regulations promulgated thereunder. The owners and operators of this Website are secondary producers and are not the primary producer (as defined in 18 U.S.C. 2257) of any of the visual content contained in this Website. All models, actors, actresses and other persons that appear in any visual depiction of actual or simulated sexually explicit conduct appearing or otherwise contained in this Website were over the age of eighteen years at the time of the creation of such depictions. All other pictures, graphics, videos or other visual media displayed on this Website are exempt from the provision of 18 U.S.C. 2257 (a) through (c) and 28 C.F.R. 75 because the pictures, graphics, videos or other visual media: (1) do not consist of depictions of sexually explicit conduct, but are merely depictions of non-sexually explicit nudity, (2) contains only visual depictions of actual sexually explicit conduct made before July 3, 1995, or is produced, manufactured, published, duplicated, reproduced, or reissued before July 3, 1995; (3) contains only visual depictions of simulated sexually explicit conduct; (4) contains some combination of visual depictions described in (2) and (3) above; (5) have been certified by its primary producer to the operators of this Website (as secondary producers) to satisfy the standards under (2) through (4) above. |
